The Purgatory Podcast

It’s Time to Make Peace With the Time Goblin

Fri, 03 Apr 2026 04:00:40 +0000

Stumbled across this episode while digging through last year’s Easter basket for leftovers to eat. Also, unrelated but I think I have to go to the hospital forever.

The Blindness or the Miceness

Fri, 27 Mar 2026 04:00:28 +0000

Look to your left. Now look to your right. Both of these people will die having never listened to this podcast. That's why you're better than them and should have more rights.

You Had Meatman

Fri, 20 Mar 2026 04:00:43 +0000

Dreams are so strange. I recently had to present a report on Napoleon I didn't prepare for while nude in front of twelve grey aliens and everyone from high school. Then I went home to take a nap and dreamed up the idea for this episode.

EterniWii

Fri, 13 Mar 2026 04:00:30 +0000

Under the right conditions, this podcast can be converted into a gas. If you figure out how to do it you’ll be just like those Chinese scientists whose mysterious deaths I know nothing about.

Tyler Perry's Heaven

Fri, 06 Mar 2026 05:00:12 +0000

The episode description for this week was written on a napkin that was eaten by alligators after I accidentally dropped it in a swamp. It was whispered into a tornado which destroyed the words instantly as they left my mouth. It was run over by a monster truck seven hundred times. Sorry. It was really good too.

Hypothetical Pizza

Fri, 27 Feb 2026 05:00:56 +0000

The word podcast should be an acronym: P = Podcast. O = Can't think of one. D = Not sure. C = Don't know. A = Can't think of one. S = Can't think of one. T = Telephone (What you listen to a podcast on.) Thank you.

Not To Brag But I'm Bumps

Sat, 21 Feb 2026 01:35:47 +0000

Who needs to exercise their civil and human rights when you can just listen to a podcast instead?

Beer Pong With Elmo

Sat, 14 Feb 2026 03:45:02 +0000

Wish I knew talking into a microphone allows it to steal your soul. Would have at least tried to make the podcast good.

Windshield Wiper Wednesday

Fri, 06 Feb 2026 05:00:40 +0000

This podcast is so old it was around when there was still only one Massachusett.

The Juice Eluded Me

Fri, 30 Jan 2026 05:00:31 +0000

It sucks that this episode will be used against me in the final judgment but at least it will be counted as another listen.

I’m Saying Facts to My Broccoli

Fri, 23 Jan 2026 05:00:57 +0000

Tried sending this episode back in time but they sent it back (?)

A Concentration In Evil Linguistics

Fri, 16 Jan 2026 05:00:20 +0000

Everyone who listens to this episode will have good luck for the next 100 years. After that you're on your own.

I'm Wes Andersoning Myself

Fri, 09 Jan 2026 05:00:12 +0000

This podcast was nominated for the [REDACTED] awards. I haven't found out whether I won or not because I'm still waiting on the FOIA request.

Eggnog Ignoramus

Fri, 26 Dec 2025 05:00:51 +0000

Please stop ringing bells, at this point the angels have way too many wings and it’s starting to get scary.

The Idiot Wars

Fri, 19 Dec 2025 05:00:40 +0000

Back in the day, every box of Cracker Jacks would come with an episode of The Purgatory Podcast inside. Not anymore though. Now we live in hell.

Top 100 Basements

Fri, 12 Dec 2025 05:00:39 +0000

I just now realized that “Moons over my Hammy” is a reference to Moon Over Miami. Why don’t they teach this in school? Instead of "geography."

A Semi-Famous Shape

Sat, 06 Dec 2025 01:32:58 +0000

0 out of 10 dentists recommend this podcast all because I suffer from something called "Viral cavities" that can be spread via the sound of my voice.

Thank You, I Peed

Fri, 28 Nov 2025 05:00:04 +0000

My solo breaking of the wishbone attempt this year was foiled by my greatest enemy -- myself.

Falsifying Foliage

Fri, 21 Nov 2025 05:00:15 +0000

Behind every successful man is a woman, and behind every podcaster is a horrible monster named The Podbeast who whispers ideas for new episodes to me every night.

Bologna Above Me

Fri, 14 Nov 2025 05:40:35 +0000

I heard they're going to round up all the podcasters and take us to a farm upstate where we can run around and recite Squarespace ad copy to our heart's content.

Stink Geniuses

Fri, 07 Nov 2025 05:00:46 +0000

This episode comes with batteries installed. They’re expanding a little bit but it’s probably because they’re filled with good content.

Legs as a Concept

Fri, 31 Oct 2025 05:24:31 +0000

Trick or treat? Neither. I choose love.

Guided By Skin

Fri, 24 Oct 2025 04:52:08 +0000

They had to create a new podcast category on iTunes for this podcast called "guy talking who sounds like he has a dog's brain." Always thought of myself as more of a Miscellaneous type of guy but whatever.

Be A Bart About It

Fri, 17 Oct 2025 04:49:17 +0000

All of the background actors in this podcast are making way too much money for an audio-only podcast and they use my bathroom too much. I need to make better decisions.

Negative Ten Plutos

Fri, 10 Oct 2025 04:00:29 +0000

I was distracted during this episode by a cartoon thought bubble that appeared over my head containing disturbing images of me successfully dropping anvils on the Road Runner. I swear those weren't my thoughts... I don't understand why I saw those things... I'm shaking...

The Gall to Be Named Richard

Fri, 03 Oct 2025 04:00:48 +0000

This episode is gluten free, which means I’m free to put gluten in it if I want. And I did.

Jeremy Terrible and The Dirt Boys

Fri, 26 Sep 2025 04:00:39 +0000

Yeah this is a self-help podcast alright… you can “help” your “self” to this week’s episode or whatever you weirdos are doing with these.

Brainstem 4 Lyfe

Fri, 19 Sep 2025 04:00:21 +0000

This episode weighs in at a pound and a half so it will make your phone unbearably heavy if you're one of those people with heavy-ass phone cases. You know who you are. I see you.

Sicko Tubes

Fri, 12 Sep 2025 04:00:28 +0000

If everyone who listens to the podcast gave me $100 it would end all death on earth in perpetuity. Why would I lie about this?

The Morning Sufferer

Fri, 05 Sep 2025 04:00:48 +0000

This episode would have brought down the Berlin Wall if Gorbachev hadn't beat me to the punch. Could have waited to let me have a go at it.

Chattin' With Lincoln

Fri, 29 Aug 2025 04:00:07 +0000

If this were olden times I'd trade you this podcast episode for three beans. They'd call this episode a three-beaner.

The Uncle Position

Fri, 22 Aug 2025 04:00:16 +0000

They're just letting anyone have a podcast these days. It shouldn’t be this easy. You should at least have to fill out forms at the post office or something first.

Whoopsies to You

Fri, 15 Aug 2025 04:15:08 +0000

You know what they say: you can't spell podcast without p, o, d, c, a, s and t. I've tried. It's futile.

The Wig Technicality

Fri, 08 Aug 2025 04:00:57 +0000

To each person who listens to this episode, I'll nod approvingly in whatever direction I think you are relative to me. Because I actually care about my listeners.

Bodily Betrayal

Fri, 01 Aug 2025 04:00:58 +0000

Every episode of this show is over budget because I have to use special production techniques to hide the fact that I'm actually just an infant crying and screaming and not an adult man with thoughts. There are plugins for this.

The Last Good Boy

Fri, 25 Jul 2025 04:00:28 +0000

My life is just like a movie (Gremlins 2: The New Batch, 1990)

Rate This Bait!

Fri, 27 Jun 2025 04:00:16 +0000

This episode is rated R for Rude.

Press 3 To Hang Up

Fri, 20 Jun 2025 04:00:43 +0000

My commentary track for the Blu-Ray deluxe edition release of this episode will be me re-enacting the podcast in reverse to see if the two tracks cancel out into silence. I know they won't but I have to do it. I have to do it.

Roundabout Hullabaloo

Fri, 13 Jun 2025 04:00:00 +0000

A new episode of the Purgatory Podcast? No one's spoken that name in years. Is this "episode" in the room with us right now?

Deep in the Peach

Fri, 06 Jun 2025 04:00:00 +0000

This episode brought to you by the weird but really interesting gas smell in my home.

A Great Time to Be a Head

Fri, 30 May 2025 04:00:00 +0000

The first five listeners of this episode shall never again know peace, and will be haunted by specters lurking in the dark corners of their bedroom each night. The sixth listener gets an Applebees gift card.

A Rat That Pays Rent

Fri, 23 May 2025 04:00:00 +0000

Look. This episode is just between you and me. Capisce?

Lost in the Sock

Fri, 16 May 2025 04:00:00 +0000

Wanna feel old? The year is 2025. It is the current year.

The Popeline

Fri, 09 May 2025 04:00:00 +0000

Forget everything you know about podcasts. Okay, now try to remember again. Otherwise you won't know what this is.

The Tub of Sorrow

Fri, 18 Apr 2025 04:00:00 +0000

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket" adherents humiliated and rebutted by my single Easter basket brimming with well-secured eggs.

The Lettuce of You

Fri, 11 Apr 2025 04:00:00 +0000

If you don't listen to this week's episode I'm just going to grind it up and put it in your food dish anyway.

Stuff Should Go Up

Fri, 04 Apr 2025 04:00:00 +0000

The relevance of this week's episode title to news that broke days after the episode was recorded is just a coincidence. Don't become insane about it.

Jelly Cube, Rock It

Fri, 28 Mar 2025 04:00:00 +0000

This trial copy of Podcast Simulator has expired. Please take the Red Pill to exit the simulation or the Blue Pill ($25.99/month) to remain in a parasocial relationship with a stranger.

The 3-in-1 Body Wash Problem

Fri, 21 Mar 2025 04:00:00 +0000

I'm exempt from being drafted into any future wars due to a mysterious condition I've developed known only as "podcast foot.”

My Puppy Points Are Yours

Fri, 14 Mar 2025 04:00:00 +0000

Just got off the phone with every single person in your life and they were telling me how much they like the podcast and how they don't respect you for not having listened to this week's episode yet. They also told me you owe them $100?

Pants is a Skill

Fri, 07 Mar 2025 05:00:00 +0000

This podcast is carbon neutral. I think it’s ok but there are better and worse elements.

Spook Wireless

Fri, 28 Feb 2025 05:00:00 +0000

This episode really puts the “pod” in podcast *walks away before you can ask me what I mean*

Cat Soda

Fri, 21 Feb 2025 05:00:00 +0000

I tried to leave this episode in your mailbox but a dog came after me and bit all of my toes off one by one. It took hours. And then I remembered there's a way easier way to do this.

A Termite That Fell Asleep

Fri, 14 Feb 2025 05:00:00 +0000

To whoever used one of their three genie wishes to wish for another episode this week: I was already going to do one. Hope you like this more than one million jet skis, moron.

Picture 80 Fathers

Fri, 07 Feb 2025 05:00:00 +0000

This podcast is said to be playing in the halls of heaven. Not a big deal, though. It’s just heaven. I honestly hardly ever talk about it but it hasn’t come up organically yet so…

Barking At The Stars

Fri, 31 Jan 2025 05:00:00 +0000

Every play this episode gets helps me feed my echinoderms. Please. My echinoderms are starving.

Operation Nightmare Blood Horse

Fri, 24 Jan 2025 05:00:00 +0000

I'm only making this podcast so that I can get famous enough for Elmo to notice me. I need to exchange words with him.

I'd Live in The Cool S

Fri, 17 Jan 2025 05:00:00 +0000

This episode is not available in your region (Loserville, USA)

Jon Crowe's Trading Post

Fri, 10 Jan 2025 05:00:00 +0000

Getting pregnant so I can point to my belly and tell people I'm "podcasting for two now."

The Starfish Guarantee

Fri, 03 Jan 2025 05:00:00 +0000

This episode is being released into the water supply.

A Human Woman Named Blurissa

Fri, 27 Dec 2024 05:00:00 +0000

They just translated ancient Sumerian tablets which prove once and for all that Die Hard actually isn't a Christmas movie. Piss my life into pieces.

ESPN Hair

Fri, 20 Dec 2024 05:00:00 +0000

You have used (1) Podcast Listening Token to listen to this podcast. You will receive no more for the duration of your life. Thank you for your business.

The Pepsi Bible

Fri, 13 Dec 2024 05:00:00 +0000

This episode is encoded with a message which you can decipher by taking all of the words I say in the order I say them and then deriving meaning from the sentences they form. Good luck.

This Millipede Could Have Been An Email

Fri, 06 Dec 2024 05:00:00 +0000

I just found out a shark chewed on an undersea data cable and accidentally zapped this episode into their brain. Nature is so fascinating.

The Nudest Scoob

Fri, 29 Nov 2024 05:00:00 +0000

I’m so thankful, people should be thanking me for how thankful I am. You’re welcome by the way. And thank you.

Vampiric Environs

Fri, 22 Nov 2024 05:00:00 +0000

This episode was originally entirely in Morse code and I had to redo the whole thing. Rookie mistake.

You Were Born. Everyone Is Born.

Fri, 15 Nov 2024 05:00:00 +0000

My podcast rival on the iTunes charts is someone accidentally uploading the sound of marbles being thrown down stone staircases every week. They're sponsored by HelloFresh.

Dolphins Take Card

Fri, 08 Nov 2024 05:00:00 +0000

Thank you for electing me president but I must refuse the honor because I hate working in offices. I don’t care that you made it an oval. Also I’m illiterate.

Hotdog McDichael

Fri, 01 Nov 2024 04:00:00 +0000

I submitted this episode to a lake behind my house. Just put it on a disc and tossed it in the water for consideration. Excited to hear back.

Stinky Cheese Disease

Fri, 04 Oct 2024 04:00:00 +0000

Imagine actually listening to a podcast lol

Bird of the Year Awards

Fri, 27 Sep 2024 04:00:00 +0000

All of the words I said in this episode appeared in word clouds over my head as I said them and they’re still just floating up there. They’re starting to go bad and stink up my house.

Mr. Legislator

Fri, 20 Sep 2024 04:00:00 +0000

This episode was made-to-order at a Dunkin' Donuts for some freak who just wanted "whatever makes sense."

I'm Thinking With Gunk

Fri, 13 Sep 2024 04:00:00 +0000

Everyone was harmed in the making of this podcast episode. Everyone.

I'm Copying Your Kitchen Because I Love You

Fri, 14 Jun 2024 04:00:00 +0000

Everyone get off the internet. It's my turn to use it.

Greg.edu

Fri, 07 Jun 2024 04:00:00 +0000

Everything I say and do on this one was foretold in The Prophecy. So, not my problem.

Muscle Skeleton Meat Man

Fri, 31 May 2024 04:00:00 +0000

They should invent a podcast worth listening to. In the meantime, here's this.

Reverse Reverse Psychology

Fri, 24 May 2024 04:00:00 +0000

I can tell by your vibes you want to click play on this episode. You're giving out classic "I'm gonna listen to your podcast" energy.

Dr. Silly's Silly Sponges

Sat, 18 May 2024 01:45:17 +0000

If you click play on this podcast, demons will come into your home. Premium Listeners who subscribe to the Silver Tier get 6-month demon protection free.

Coattails.com

Fri, 10 May 2024 04:00:00 +0000

I'm having an episode. Actually I'm having an entire season.

Ant Blindness

Fri, 03 May 2024 04:00:00 +0000

This episode is raw and unpasteurized. It's going to make you ill for weeks.

Cleavis The Late

Fri, 26 Apr 2024 04:00:00 +0000

Your standard issue, government mandated podcast episode has arrived.

You Don't Get To Be Sand Yet

Fri, 19 Apr 2024 04:00:00 +0000

If this episode is blasting on your car stereo when you get pulled over, the cop has to let you go and he has to give you five dollars too.

The Sweet Release of Midnight

Fri, 12 Apr 2024 04:00:00 +0000

Waldo was standing behind me this entire episode, if you're one of those people looking for him. I don't know if this counts towards your Waldo points or whatever.

Hashtag Can It

Fri, 05 Apr 2024 04:00:00 +0000

If you play this episode to your child in utero, they will grow up to become more powerful than you and will defeat you.

Through The Bagel Hole

Fri, 29 Mar 2024 04:00:00 +0000

You have to listen to this episode in your car at max volume driving 100+ mph to really "get" it.

Can I Have Molecules?

Fri, 22 Mar 2024 04:00:00 +0000

If you like this episode, show your support by sitting quietly and doing nothing.

Hitler's Rollercoaster

Fri, 15 Mar 2024 04:00:00 +0000

This episode will be playing in Times Square but only the frequencies that dogs can hear. It was cheaper to do it that way.

I Drink My Milkshake

Fri, 08 Mar 2024 05:00:00 +0000

This episode is from the past, which is where all the dead people are. I hope that doesn't make it too scary for you.

iOnce

Fri, 01 Mar 2024 05:00:00 +0000

Enter coupon code "I AM AN IDIOT MORON WITH NO SELF-RESPECT AND BY TYPING THESE WORDS I AFFIRM THEY ARE TRUE AND I ENDORSE THEM" for 15% off some awful sunglasses.

Night Dentist

Fri, 23 Feb 2024 05:00:00 +0000

For every play this gets, I receive a coin like I'm some kind of Mario.

Gary Parentheses Bad

Fri, 16 Feb 2024 05:00:00 +0000

Found this episode in between some couch cushions.

The TSA Of Garbage

Fri, 09 Feb 2024 05:00:00 +0000

This episode was entered in the Library of Congress archives by a mouse that ran across a computer keyboard at the right time. It was in the news.

$35.99 To Change My Mind

Fri, 02 Feb 2024 05:00:00 +0000

*comes up to you in an annoying way* hey you should check out my podcast where it's me talking the whole time

Between Me and the Egg

Fri, 26 Jan 2024 05:00:00 +0000

Please don't hit the play button and make my voice come out of your computer. It hurts me.

Dogfished

Fri, 19 Jan 2024 05:00:00 +0000

A podcast is like a book for your ears. Ok let's see you try to write these little synopses for every episode, hotshot.

The Ho Ho Ho Man

Fri, 12 Jan 2024 05:00:00 +0000

Community Factcheck Notes: The man referred to in the episode as "Santa Claus" is fake. Did this note help? Click yes for yes. Click no for no.

Senator Snuggles

Fri, 05 Jan 2024 05:00:00 +0000

Might click my mouse and surf the web later today. New year, new me.

The Naked Gum

Fri, 29 Dec 2023 05:00:00 +0000

This episode was made out of macaroni and papier-mâché but you can barely tell.

Bananas, Yellow

Fri, 22 Dec 2023 05:00:00 +0000

I checked with your significant other and they said they're fine with getting nothing for Christmas this year besides this podcast episode. Yeah I have their number 🎅

You Have To Make Beats Because I Did This For You

Fri, 15 Dec 2023 05:00:00 +0000

I found this episode already recorded on a cassette tape that was uncovered from an ancient archaeologic dig site and now I think I'm being haunted by pharaohs. whatever

The Airplane Inside You

Fri, 08 Dec 2023 05:00:00 +0000

Water Premium

Fri, 01 Dec 2023 05:00:00 +0000

Lorem Ipsum... would be a great name for a lady to have.

A Not Throwing Up Man

Fri, 24 Nov 2023 05:00:00 +0000

Thanksgiving was invented by mint companies to make us purchase after-dinner mints. Don't let the truth be silenced.

Dog's Honor

Fri, 17 Nov 2023 05:00:00 +0000

This episode is dedicated to everyone who has ever lived or ever will. Everyone else can get fucked.

Wednesday Bonus: "Just Some Guy" Vibes

Wed, 15 Nov 2023 05:00:00 +0000

This episode got corrupted halfway through the recording but I'm going to upload it in its unfinished state anyway because I'm nice and I care about you.

One Measly Mouse

Fri, 10 Nov 2023 05:00:00 +0000

I'm legally obligated to inform you that this podcast episode was cursed by a witch. Shouldn't really have any effect on anything but just letting you know.

Sympathy Bagels

Fri, 03 Nov 2023 04:00:00 +0000

Why listen to your favorite podcast when you can listen to one you don't like instead? It builds character.

Older Than Christmas

Fri, 27 Oct 2023 04:00:00 +0000

It's okay to use destructive fossil fuels to listen to this episode. Treat yourself ❤️

The Coronation of Jimmy Fallon

Fri, 20 Oct 2023 04:00:00 +0000

What's going on guys? (new catchphrase I'm trying to make popular)

I'm Turning Into An Older Baby

Fri, 13 Oct 2023 04:10:38 +0000

"I should listen to an episode of a podcast," you say, as if that's normal. Ok. Here's one. Freak.

Sad Candy

Fri, 06 Oct 2023 04:00:00 +0000

I recorded this one while lost and wandering the Catacombs of Paris. Didn't mention it in the ep because I'm trying to talk about myself less around strangers.

Rabies Mindset

Mon, 02 Oct 2023 04:09:18 +0000

Friendly reminder that you died.

GlubCoin©

Sat, 30 Sep 2023 03:16:33 +0000

Fish are making purchases in 2023.

The Beans Are Your Deeds

Sat, 23 Sep 2023 03:55:00 +0000

This episode was recorded in hell, if you even care.

County Cicada Thorax Squeezer

Fri, 15 Sep 2023 04:23:02 +0000

This podcast is giving icon. Say it. Say this podcast is giving icon. *prods you with a stun baton*