Not Not News Podcast

It’s your favorite hour of the week! The Not Not News is back with Billy Hurley, Grey Albright, and B_Don standing in as host for Donkey Teeth. The show starts with Wikipedia's decision to not classify NFTs as art. Next, we move on to a story about the height charts at Dunkin Donuts and how people were surprised to learn the real use for these. Then, while some of were really excited to get a Lunchable in our lunchbox, there is one mom that went over the top for her child's golden birthday. The next story comes from a familiar place for the show, Idaho, where the potato commission released a limited time perfume, Frites. We wrap up with a story about how everyone's new favorite game, Wordle, foiled a kidnapper.

Here are this week’s stories so you can follow along:

Wikipedia Editors Have Voted Not to Classify NFTs as Art, Sparking Outrage in the Crypto Community

https://news.artnet.com/market/wikipedia-editors-nft-art-classification-2060018#:~:text=NFTs-,Wikipedia%20Editors%20Have%20Voted%20Not%20to%20Classify%20NFTs%20as%20Art,art%20sales%20by%20living%20artists.&text=Pak's%20Mass%20Banner.

Dunkin’ customer reveals why some stores have height charts

https://nypost.com/2022/01/31/dunkin-customer-reveals-why-some-stores-have-height-charts/

Mom preps extravagant lunchbox with lobster, gold sparkling water for son

https://nypost.com/2022/02/14/mom-gives-son-gold-adorned-lobster-lunch-for-b-day/

Irresistibly a-peeling! Perfume with French fries scent sells out within hours

https://nypost.com/2022/02/14/perfume-with-french-fries-scent-sells-out-within-hours/

Wordle Foils a Naked Kidnapper

https://game-news24.com/2022/02/10/wordle-foils-a-naked-kidnapper/

The Not Not News Podcast Ep. 85: "I'm Sorry. Who is Donkey Teeth?"

Mon, 14 Feb 2022 15:14:49 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! The Not Not News is back with Billy Hurley, Grey Albright, and B_Don standing in as host for Donkey Teeth. We start with a family that found a wall covered in baseball cards as they were remodeling their house. Next, a woman was arrested at Walmart after trying to purchase another woman's child. Then, we talk about yet another alt-milk that is popping up on the scene, potato milk. We wrap up the show this week with a woman who found a naked homeless man that had been living in her trunk for days.

Here are this week’s stories so you can follow along:

Family remodeling Idaho home finds wall covered in baseball cards

https://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2022/02/02/Idaho-family-remodeling-home-baseball-card-wall/4501643832488/

A strange scenario played out at the Walmart in Crockett last week as a 49-year-old woman attempted to purchase another woman’s child while waiting in line at the self-checkout

Potato Milk

https://news.sky.com/story/potato-milk-to-hit-the-shelves-at-waitrose-this-week-and-tipped-to-become-a-2022-best-seller-12535351

Naked Homeless Man in Trunk of Car

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10482601/Canadian-woman-discovers-NAKED-man-living-trunk-car-three-DAYS.html

The Not Not News Ep. 84: Mama Bear And Papa Bear Go To Rehab

Mon, 07 Feb 2022 05:00:04 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! The Not Not News is back with Billy Hurley, Grey Albright, and B_Don standing in as host for Donkey Teeth. We start the show with wedding planning gone wrong, as one couple has not spoken in weeks after the sides not agreeing about a full Titanic themed wedding. Next, we talk about the world's oldest tortoise and his swinging, bi-sexual ways. Next is an Idaho man that wanted to complete his goal of completing a Guinness World Record every week of the year in 2021. Finally, we tuck in the podcast with a family that shares a bed.

The Not Not News Ep. 83 - Here Lies

Thu, 03 Feb 2022 01:47:45 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! The Not Not News is back with Billy Hurley, Grey Albright, and B_Don standing in as host for Donkey Teeth. We start the show with a story about Japan's do nothing rent-a-man. We talk about cat owners who have been vexed by their feline companions. Grey lets B_Don know the podcasts position on bullying when we talk about a woman named Ikea. The change we all were waiting for, M&M added new footwear to their cartoon characters as Grey brings up harsh memories for me. One woman gets revenge by using glitter in all sorts of places.

Listen to the entire show, now 100% free of charge!

Here are this week’s stories so you can follow along:

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/japan-do-nothing-rent-a-man-shoji-morimoto/

https://www.npr.org/2022/01/14/1072812001/cat-vitamix-blender-box-standoff

https://nypost.com/2022/01/25/woman-bullied-for-name-ikea-had-it-legally-changed-at-12/

https://nypost.com/2022/01/20/mms-g-a-new-look-thats-representative-of-todays-society/

https://nypost.com/2022/01/14/woman-gets-revenge-by-pouring-glitter-on-exs-things/

Not Not News Ep.82 - Too Much Caulk

Mon, 24 Jan 2022 17:50:10 +0000

Not Not News Ep. 81 - British Health Crisis: Random Objects Up The Bum

Mon, 17 Jan 2022 00:54:56 +0000

A new episode

Not Not News Ep. 80 - Pro Bully

Mon, 10 Jan 2022 01:27:16 +0000

A new episode

Not Not News Ep. 79 - Licking the Television

Mon, 03 Jan 2022 02:37:05 +0000

A new episode

Not Not News Ep. 78 - A Christmas Miracle

Mon, 27 Dec 2021 03:42:25 +0000

A new episode

Not Not News Ep. 77 - Diaper Change Consent Waiver

Mon, 20 Dec 2021 01:13:25 +0000

A new episode

Not Not News Ep. 76 - Maple Syrup Crisis in Canada

Mon, 13 Dec 2021 07:54:36 +0000

A new episode

Not Not News Ep. 75 - Toy Of The Year Pulled From Shelves

Mon, 06 Dec 2021 05:25:03 +0000

A new episode

Not Not News Ep. 74 - The Legend of Gagger Blast

Mon, 29 Nov 2021 03:00:12 +0000

A new episode

Not Not News Ep. 73 - The Airplane Tattoo Artist

Wed, 24 Nov 2021 22:40:40 +0000

A new episode

Not Not News Ep. 72 - Astronauts in Diapers

Wed, 24 Nov 2021 22:40:26 +0000

A new episode

Not Not News Ep. 71 - Bang The Over

Wed, 24 Nov 2021 22:40:09 +0000

A new episode

Fish Vending Machine

Mon, 01 Nov 2021 02:00:00 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle, again live from Las Vegas where they're now serving fish from vending machines. This week we're talking about tiger gender reveals, self-driving cars gathering in a San Francisco neighborhood, and a woman who refuses to attend her brother's wedding unless all food is vegan. Finally, a brilliant boss suggests "pawternity" for when employees get a new dog.Find all of this week's news stories here:Dubai couple enlist tiger for gender reveal stunt, sparking backlashSelf-driving Waymo cars gather in a San Francisco neighborhood, confusing residentsWoman refuses to attend brother's wedding unless all food served is veganBoss suggests 'pawternity' leave for employees getting a new dog

Live From Las Vegas!

Mon, 25 Oct 2021 17:08:31 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle, but this time, live from Las Vegas with BOTH Donkey Teeth AND B_Don. First, a man eats at Chipotle in all 50 states and lives to tell the tale. And in a (surprisingly) unrelated story, farting has been discovered to be a sign of depression. Then, Kellogg's is sued for berry-less Pop-Tarts and an Alabama man is raking in serious coin by scaring children for a $30 fee. Finally, a giant "phallic" potato goes viral.Find all of this week's news stories here:Man who ate Chipotle in all 50 states ‘never got tired of it’Excessive farting and burping could be a sign of depression: studyWoman sues Kellogg's, says strawberry Pop-Tarts don't have enough berriesParents are paying $30 to have an Alabama man terrify their childrenGiant potato statue goes viral over phallic comparisons

Near Death Wedgie

Mon, 18 Oct 2021 05:56:19 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. First up, a woman is hospitalized and nearly dies after an 8-hour wedgie. Then, we discuss a new anti-social behavior patrolling robot and some innovative Japanese business cards. Finally, a man orders 100 tacos on a first date and "forgets" his wallet.Read all of this week's stories:Woman nearly dies after 8-hour wedgie from high-waisted shortsMeet Xavier: The new robot patrolling the streets for 'anti-social behaviour'Japanese printing company’s witty business cards reveal the smile behind your maskMan orders 100 tacos on first date, asks woman to pay for them

Squirrel Totals Car

Mon, 11 Oct 2021 05:27:57 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. First up, a woman calls in a bomb threat to get her man out of work. Then, Meghan Trainor and her husband poop together and a coach is reprimanded for throwing a jagged clipboard piece at a fan. Finally, a squirrel hides 175 pounds of nuts under the hood of a Chevy Avalanche.Read all of this week's stories:Woman, 33, ‘calls in BOMB THREATS to her boyfriend's workplace to get him sent homeMeghan Trainor, husband Daryl Sabara have adjacent toiletsUNC’s Max McCaffrey “reprimanded” for throwing clipboard into Montana State standsSquirrel hid 175 pounds of nuts in Chevy Avalanche pickup while owner was away

Crypto Trading Hamster

Sat, 02 Oct 2021 23:50:43 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. First up, a crypto trading hamster gets some publicity. Then, developers make some lofty claims about the new Amazon robot and our NASA expert Billy educates us about the human blood bricks to be utilized on Mars. Finally, a man dates 35 different women and tells them each he has a different birthday in order to collect gifts.Read all of this week's stories:All Hail Mr. Goxx, the Crypto Trading Hamster Who's Killing ItAmazon Astro is ‘terrible’ and will ‘throw itself down’ stairs, developers reportedly claimHuman blood bricks to be 'exploited' by scientists for building on MarsBoyfriend who dated 35 women charged with fraud

The Scripted Show

Sun, 26 Sep 2021 04:42:56 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. First up, a Canadian McDonald's manager lets Grimace's big secret slip. Then, Purdue researchers create the world's whitest paint and a funeral turns into a viral diss. Finally, a woman finds a rotting human finger in her burger.

Black Market Ham On The Rise

Mon, 20 Sep 2021 17:25:27 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. First up, ham smugglers are a growing concerned down on the Texas/Mexico border. Then, researchers toilet train cows and a girlfriend draws up a 17-page contract after only two weeks of dating. Finally, a Florida man plants a banana tree in a pothole in a last-ditch effort to get the city's attention.Read all of this week's stories:Man caught trying to smuggle 350 pounds of meat over Texas border??Researchers are toilet-training cows to reduce ammonia emissions caused by their wasteGirlfriend draws up 17-page contract for Tinder flame after dating two weeksFlorida Man Plants A Banana Tree In A Pothole In The Middle Of A Road

Underwear Thief Captured

Mon, 13 Sep 2021 04:45:08 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. First up, in a follow-up story, a son is awarded over $30,000 in court after his parents threw out his, uh, magazine collection. Then, a Japanese man is busted for stealing 730 pairs of women's underwear and another man finds his way into the Guinness Book of World Records by bouncing 10 miles on an inflatable ball. Finally, a New York City waiter loses his job and then opens a cafe out of his apartment.Read all of this week's stories:Michigan Parents Owe Son $30,441 For Tossing Out Prized Porn CollectionMan busted for stealing 730 pieces of women’s underwear from laundromatsMan bounces more than 10 miles on inflatable ball for Guinness World RecordNYC waiter who lost job opens cafe from his fourth-floor apartment

Bra Money Banned!

Mon, 06 Sep 2021 03:12:36 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. First up, a massive rubber ducky shows up in a Maine harbor. Then, Dublin shops ban money stored in bras and a raw chicken shows up on a Seattle baggage claim. Finally, a cow goes through the drive-thru at McDonalds.Read all of this week's stories:Huge rubber duck appears in Maine harbor, amuses residents: ‘It’s wonderful’Shop bans customers from paying with cash stashed in bras during heatwaveRaw chicken ends up on Seattle airport's baggage carouselCow Spotted In Back Of Car At McDonald's: "I thought it was fake at first. Who puts a cow in a Buick?"

Murder Robots At Disney

Mon, 30 Aug 2021 04:51:49 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. First up, a zoo is now caging humans for lions' viewing pleasure. Then, a man's attempt to rob a bank using a handwritten note, fails due to his poor penmanship. Finally, Disney is finally channeling West World and bringing in some murder robots.Read all of this week's stories:'Reverse' zoo locks visitors in cages for lions' viewing pleasureMan’s handwriting was so bad Eastbourne bank staff didn’t know he was trying to rob themDisney World Or ‘Westworld’? Theme Park’s Robot Plans Have People Freaked

Nude Man Stabs Nude Man

Mon, 23 Aug 2021 16:05:32 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. First up, a nude man stabs another nude man—yes, true story. Then, another man gets 6 kidney beans stuck in his penis and meowing cats save a woman's life. Finally, a man flys 650 miles for his first date with a woman he met on TikTok; slow news week!Read all of this week's stories:Nude Man Stabs Nude ManJack and the bean block: Man gets six kidney beans stuck in penis while trying to 'express' himselfCat’s MeowMan flies 650 miles for first date with woman he met on TikTok

Tickling Rats with Grey Albright

Sun, 15 Aug 2021 21:39:13 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. First up, Guy Fieri has a new apple pie hot dog and Grey goes American Pie on it. Then, researchers tickle rats while a British couple is taking on a 1930s lifestyle—except with iPhones. Finally, a Fairfield University professor gives the school a big FU with a lawsuit.Read all of this week's stories:Guy Fieri debuts new hot dog for Yankees' 'Field of Dreams' game — but would you eat it?Researchers in Australia have tickled lab rats every day for a month to see if it will improve the animals’ emotional well-beingOld-fashioned young couple prefers to live in the past — with a 1930s lifestyleFairfield University professor sues student, administration over failing grade

There's Dorito In Them There Hills

Mon, 09 Aug 2021 16:49:06 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. First up, we discover a Russian man facing hard time after tormenting neigh-bors with horse noises for 18 months. Then, an Australian teen strikes it rich by selling a puffy Dorito, and Facebook cracks down on anti-male hate speech. Finally, Billy tests out one of the top public bathrooms in the entire country.Find all of this week's stories here:Rowdy Neigh-bor Charged With Tormenting Locals With Horse SoundsAustralian teenager gets $20,000 for discovering unique Dorito chipFacebook blocks woman’s ‘why are men so dumb’ comment as ‘hate speech’The posh restrooms at JFK Airport's Terminal 4 in Queens are among the 10 finalists for America's best public restroom

Man Nearly Has, Uh, Stroke

Mon, 02 Aug 2021 15:55:06 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. First up, we investigate the reports of a "right handed" Japanese man who almost masturbated to death. Then a Michigan lawmaker reports expenses totaling $221 at strip club. Finally, there's new evidence that COVID could be spread through farts and Grey has something to say about those claims.Find all of this week's stories here:‘Right-handed man' almost masturbates to death: medical case studyMichigan lawmaker reports $221 campaign spending at strip clubCovid could be spread through flatulence, say ministers

Grey Builds An Invisible Statue

Mon, 26 Jul 2021 07:34:08 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. First up, we investigate the reports of anti-sex cardboard beds in Olympic Village. Then a woman racks up spiteful red light fines on her ex's vehicle and Jeff Bezo's space passenger bails after spending $28 million on the ticket. Finally, two invisible artists go to court over invisible sculptures and the term "shark attack" is no longer politically correct.Find all of this week's stories here:Athletes to sleep on 'anti-sex' cardboard beds at Olympic Games amid COVIDWoman deliberately runs 49 red lights in ex-boyfriend's car to rack up fines after he left her for another woman, report saysBezos passenger flakesA Florida Man Is Threatening to Sue an Artist Whose Invisible Sculpture Sold for $18,000, Saying He Came Up With the Idea FirstShark advocates call for rebranding violent attacks as 'interactions'

Special Guest Mark Cuvan

Mon, 19 Jul 2021 15:25:41 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. First up, progressive drug dealers are now peddling "woke coke." Then a urine soaked home coined as, "A Little Slice of Hell," hits the open market, and find out about the new elf ears plastic surgery fad. Finally, a Florida woman finds one billion dollars credited to her bank account and GIVES IT BACK!Find all of this week's stories here:Drug dealers are peddling ethically sourced ‘woke coke’ nowUrine-Saturated Home Dubbed ‘Little Slice Of Hell’ Listed For $590,000'Elf ears' are the creepy new plastic surgery trend in ChinaFlorida woman discovers nearly $1 billion in her bank account

Bouncer Hand

Sun, 11 Jul 2021 09:00:03 +0000

While Donkey Teeth is away, Grey and Billy shall play. Guest host B_Don does his best to keep up with Grey's thoughts for this week's episode of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News! First, we discuss NASA's newest high tech venture, laundry... IN SPACE! Next up, an angry neighbor forces the house next to him to cut the tree overhanging his driveway. A Florida aquarium has a painting octopus, but Grey doesn't seem impressed. The last segment of the week is about a couple of nude sunbathers would got lost in the woods after being scared by Bambi.Find all of this week’s stories here:NASA and Tide team up to do laundry in space'Petty' neighbor chops tree in half in noisy bird disputeOctopus shows off painting talent at Florida aquariumNude sunbathers, startled by deer, rescued after getting lost in woods

Billy's Monopoly Money Salary Finally Pays Off

Mon, 05 Jul 2021 03:00:01 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. First up, a father dumps a final child support payment of 80,000 pennies on his ex-wife's lawn. Then a couple breaks up after being handcuffed together for 123 straight days and later Billy takes full advantage of a Massachusetts bar accepting Monopoly money in exchange for beer. Finally, we take a tour of a Fred Flintstone inspired house in the San Francisco area which narrowly survived being condemned.Find all of this week's stories here:Thousands call for Jeff Bezos to be denied re-entry to Earth after space launchBanned U.S. Olympian blames pork burrito for positive steroid testFantasy football league loser tries to eat at Waffle House for 24 hours

Grey Qualifies for Autumn Olympics

Mon, 28 Jun 2021 16:23:00 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. First up, Jeff Bezos is headed to outer space and there's a petition to not let him back into Earth. Be sure to sign that right after you finish placing you're fifth Amazon order of the day. Then a U.S. Olympian is banned from the games due to a positive steroid test which she blames on a pork burrito. Finally, a fantasy football loser suffers through his league's punishment of having to eat at a Waffle House for 24-hours!Find all of this week's stories here:Thousands call for Jeff Bezos to be denied re-entry to Earth after space launchBanned U.S. Olympian blames pork burrito for positive steroid testFantasy football league loser tries to eat at Waffle House for 24 hours

Grey Gets Rejected By Whale

Mon, 21 Jun 2021 17:20:11 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. First up, a woman is shocked to discover a deep fried towel in her chicken order. Then a Boston man is shallowed by a humpback whale only to be spit out; same thing that happened to Grey. Finally, for the grand finale NBC halts production of their slip and slide show due to explosive diarrhea!Find all of this week's stories here:Woman shocked by deep-fried towel in chicken orderHumpback whale gulps and spits out Cape Cod lobstermanNBC's Ultimate Slip 'N Slide halts production amid report of 'explosive diarrhea' on set

The Nobel Cheese Prize

Mon, 14 Jun 2021 05:41:00 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. First up, a woman has her "famous" fudge recipe engraved on her headstone and Grey isn't impressed. Then a Texas mother gets arrested for impersonating her daughter at school and a British surgeon is cleared for surgery once again despite branding patients' livers with his initials. Finally, a mine sniffing rat in Cambodia reaches the rare feat of live retirement.Find all of this week's stories here:Utah woman's headstone has her fudge recipe engraved on the backTexas mom impersonates daughter at middle school, gets arrestedSurgeon free to practice again — despite branding patients' livers with his initialsMagawa the mine-sniffing rat ends career in Cambodia on a high

Grey Gets His Hand Stuck in a Sausage Vending Machine

Sun, 06 Jun 2021 18:01:01 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. First up, sausage vending machines are booming in Germany and Grey has some big thoughts on the subject. Then a body builder marries two sex dolls and Philadelphia chefs assemble a 510-foot cheesesteak sandwich. Finally, we all learn what a "minge" is after a British birthday card mix-up.Find all of this week's stories here:Sausage vending machines booming in GermanyBodybuilder who wed two sex dolls is now open to dating humansPhiladelphia chefs assemble 510-foot cheesesteakHusband forced to apologize to wife after offensive birthday card mix-up

Holy Eggplant Emoji

Mon, 31 May 2021 02:01:00 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. First up, Chinese men are imprisoned for taking advantage of a glitch in the KFC app allowing them to "steal" $12,000 worth of chicken. Then Duke students invent a new toilet that takes pictures of your poop and, in an unrelated story, cicada's butts are falling off. Finally, Billy gets up close and personal with the world's largest penis.Find all of this week's stories here:Students 'jailed for exploiting KFC glitch' for free foodA new toilet designed by Duke University will take pictures of stool and send it to your doctor to be analyzed.Cicadas Fall Prey to a Psychedelic-Producing Fungus That Makes Their Butts Fall OffMan with world's largest penis 'weighs it to prove it's real'

Assault with a Deadly Bag of Poop

Mon, 24 May 2021 03:01:00 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. First up, a drunk man at Kid Rock's Steakhouse uses his colostomy bag as a weapon against the police, and Billy Hurley is there for it. Then scientists solve the "Giant Penis Man's" origin date but Grey is very skeptical about whether or not the scientists actually know what they're doing. Finally, we head down under as an Australian woman wakes up with an Irish accent after surgery and an Australian diver spots a fish sporting a gold wedding band.Find all of this week's stories here:Drunk man outside Kid Rock bar in Tennessee used his colostomy bag as a weaponScientists solve mystery of when 'giant penis man' was erectedAustralian woman wakes up with Irish accent after throat surgeryDiver spots fish wearing a gold wedding ring in Australia

The Gang Goes Down Some Wormholes

Mon, 17 May 2021 05:01:03 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. First up, Gwyenth Paltrow reaches a new low during the pandemic: she ate bread. Then Ben Affleck is shot down by a young lady on a dating app, and a mother is nearly arrested at Six Flag for wearing short shorts. Finally, Billy reports on the newly discovered worm with 100 butts.Find all of this week's stories here:Gwyenth Paltrow Broke Down and Ate BreadTikTok user claims Ben Affleck sent her video after matching on RayaMom nearly busted at Six Flags — after guard says her shorts were too shortThis Worm Has 100 Butts

Man Builds Fence of Feces

Mon, 10 May 2021 08:10:01 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. First up, it's our weekly penis story: do larger noses equal larger penises? Scientists say yes . . . if you're a dead Japanese man. Then one town uses $228,000 in COVID relief funds on a giant squid statue, and Billy Hurley is there to report on it. And later we get the scoop on a man who built a 250 foot poop wall and another man busted while attempting to smuggle 35 live finches into the United States using hair curlers.Find all of this week's stories here:Snout clout: Larger noses equal larger penises, according to studyThis town used its $228K in COVID relief funds on a giant squid statueMan erects poop wall after property dispute with neighborMan busted at JFK with 35 live finches stuffed inside hair curlers

Billy Hurley Is Held Hostage By Razzball

Mon, 03 May 2021 09:01:01 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. First we report on a woman facing felony charges for not returning a copy of Sabrina The Teenage Witch two decades ago. Then an Illinois man bowls a perfect game with his fathers ashes inside his bowling ball and a Russian man is held hostage by a Chinese reality TV show. And later Billy gets the scoop on a Greyhound who tested positive for meth after winning a race.Find all of this week's stories here:Woman facing federal charges for not returning VHS tape 21 years agoIllinois man puts dad's ashes into ball, bowls perfect gameRussian man 'trapped' on Chinese reality TV show finally voted outGreyhound tests positive for Meth

Grey Finally Puts on Some Muscle

Mon, 26 Apr 2021 01:41:59 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. First we report on Alaskan ravens stealing groceries from Costco customers. Then we purchase a super realistic muscle suit for Grey before diving in on the story of a man named Happy who fought a bobcat. And later Grey's world is rocked by the impending bubble tea shortage.Find all of this week's stories here:Ravens Accused Of Stealing Groceries From Alaska Costco CustomersSuper-realistic Muscle Suit Makes Wearer Look Super-SwoleMan named Happy throws bobcat after it attacks wife in wild videoBubble tea shortage hits US, could last for several months'Popcorn salad' recipe by Food Network's Molly Yeh divides Twitter

Grey Becomes an MLB Wiener Tester

Sun, 18 Apr 2021 23:10:59 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. First we report on a Montana child who found a bullet in a bag of Cheetos. Then we reveal the phallic path taken by the captain of the ship which was stuck in the Suez Canal, just prior to running aground. And later we get the scoop on a robot dog that's peeing beer, and a new MLB position: Wiener Tester.Find all of this week's stories here:Montana dad claims his 6-year-old found a bullet at the bottom of a Cheetos bagCargo ship drew a penis and butt before getting stuck in Suez CanalBoston Dynamics' creepy robo-dog can now pee beer on commandCompany hiring 'MLB Food Tester' to eat hot dogs at stadiums

Man Goes Out For Groceries, Picks Up 15,000 Bees

Sun, 11 Apr 2021 21:27:41 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. First we report on Lil Nas X's newly released shoes with actual human blood inside, followed up by the breaking news of a French gang of Lego looters on the loose. Then Billy covers the story of the man who ran into the grocery store, only to find 15,000 bees waiting for him in the car when he came out. And later we get the scoop on an abandoned mall turned into a high school.Find all of this week's stories here:Lil Nas X's unofficial 'Satan' Nikes containing human blood sell out in under a minuteFrench police on trail of international gang of Lego lootersA Man Found 15,000 Bees in His Car After Grocery ShoppingAbandoned Macy’s transformed into high school: ‘It’s weird but cool’

Pollution is Shrinking Men's Icebergs

Mon, 05 Apr 2021 05:02:00 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. First we report on new scientific findings that pollution causes small penises. Then Billy covers the story of a mafia fugitive busted after posting YouTube cooking videos and later we get the scoop on a tennis player who sold a $5,000 NFT giving lifetime advertising rights on her right arm.Find all of this week's stories here:Pollution causes small penisesMafia fugitive caught after posting YouTube cooking videoTennis Player Oleksandra Oliynykova sold exclusive lifetime ownership of part of her right arm for more than $5,000

Digital Farts For Sale

Mon, 29 Mar 2021 15:40:59 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. First we report on a man selling digital farts for $85 a pop. Then Billy heads to Europe to cover the story of a lecturer fired for the aggressive use of punctuation, plus socially distanced silent ravers in Barcelona. Later we get the scoop on parents blasted by a school for wearing skimpy clothes while picking up their children.Find all of this week's stories here:This doesn't smell right: NYC man sells farts, cashing in on NFT crazeLecturer fired for 'aggressive' use of question marks gets $20K payoutRavers feel the music at socially distanced silent disco in BarcelonaSchool blasts parents for 'skimpy' clothes during kid pickups, drop-offs

Terry Boot Steps in for Peter Foot at Shoezone

Mon, 22 Mar 2021 16:56:03 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. First we report on a burglar with the wurst luck after getting busted 8 years later for DNA on a piece of sausage he took a bite from at the crime scene. Then Billy heads to the U.K. to cover the story of Peter Foot taking over for Terry Boot at Shoezone. Later we get the scoop on a man who spent 24 hours in a pool of bean dip and another man who opened a video store (including porno section) in his basement.Find all of this week's stories here:Half-eaten sausage helps German police solve nine-year-old burglaryTerry Boot replaces Peter Foot at ShoeZoneWhy this California stuntman spent 24 hours in a pool of bean dipMan Builds Video Rental Store in Basement

Mobster Pigeons

Mon, 15 Mar 2021 14:23:49 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. First we report on a two pigeons who send a third pigeon to sleep with the fishes and then Billy heads to China to cover the story of a zoo trying to pass a dog off as a wolf. Later we get the scoop on sea slugs who are able to sever their own heads and grow entirely new bodies. And you won't want to miss Grey's story time, where he tells the tale of the time he walked in on his former neighbor's circle jerk! (true story)Find all of this week's stories here:Video shows two NYC pigeons shove a third into oncoming subway trainChina zoo 'tries to pass dog off as wolf'These sea slugs sever their own heads and regenerate new bodies

Baby Gets First Beer Bong

Mon, 08 Mar 2021 06:00:00 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. First we report on a space hotel set to open in 2021 and then Billy heads to Seattle to cover the story of a father feeding his child using a beer bong. Later we get the scoop on a surgeon who attended virtual traffic court from the operating room and newly discovered glow in the dark sharks.Find all of this week's stories here:Space Hotel Set to Open by 2027Dad makes baby beer bong to help daughter drink more formulaA plastic surgeon appeared in a videoconference for his traffic violation trial while operating on a patientScientists Discover Glow-in-the-dark sharks

Sexy Snowmen Take Over Canada

Mon, 01 Mar 2021 16:19:08 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. First we report on the sexy snowmen who are haunting a Canadian town and then Billy heads to Louisiana to cover Cajuns bathing their kids in seafood boilers. Later we get the scoop on Hello Fresh's accidental urine delivery and an Alaska woman bitten in the butt by a bear.Find all of this week's stories here:Facebook watchdogs beg Canadian town: Stop building sexy snowmen!Utility outages force parents to bathe kids in giant seafood boilerHelloFresh apologizes after customer appears to receive bottle of urine with deliveryAlaska woman visits outhouse, bear takes a bite out of her backside: reportMike Jack got his insides blowtorched by the Carolina reaper but got himself a Guinness World Record

Show Me Crocodile!

Mon, 22 Feb 2021 06:00:02 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. First we discuss crocodile surgery and a gender reveal gone terribly wrong. Then we get the scoop on a dog who inherited 5 million dollars and a man charge with placing dead animals on his neighbor's gravestone.Find all of this week’s hilarious stories here:Florida crocodile gets surgery to remove shoe from stomachDad blasted in crotch when gender reveal goes wrongTennessee man leaves $5 million to dog in his will: 'She’s a good girl'Arkansas Man, 79, pleads guilty to placing dead animals on neighbor's gravestone while dressed as woman

Grey Plays with Wombat Poop

Mon, 15 Feb 2021 06:01:00 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. First we discuss the man who had his lost wallet return from the Antarctic 53 years later and the YouTuber who bought a 9.5 million dollar house with a Hawaiian Punch fountain installed. Then we dig in on wombat poop, frozen jean parking space reservations and $10,000 worth of Wall Street Journal internet speed complaint ads.Tune in now!Find all of this week’s hilarious stories here:Lost in Antarctica, a Wallet Is Returned 53 Years Later (Memories Included)YouTuber David Dobrik’s new $9.5M house has Hawaiian Punch fountainWombats Poop Cubes, and Scientists Finally Got to the Bottom of ItMan freezes his jeans to ‘reserve’ parking spots, inspires others90-year-old man spends $10,000 on 2 ads in WSJ to tell AT&T CEO about his slow internet service

DONGkey Returns

Mon, 08 Feb 2021 18:41:00 +0000

ANNOUNCEMENT!!Ten (10) Razzball Patreon members will be randomly selected to compete against Grey, Rudy and a slew all the biggest names in the fantasy baseball industry in this years RazzSlam. Note your Patreon membership at the bottom of your RazzSlam Signup Form.Now, without further ado, it’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle, plus the triumphant return of Dongkey Teeth. First we discuss the new semen tree planted by Grey's neighbor, right next to his driveway. Then we dig in on the extensive backlog of penis news stories, including erection cream lip treatments, Russian pilots with penis shaped flight patterns and a tiny chameleon with massive genitalia. Plus spinach has now learned to email and you won't believe all the email scams spinach is dreaming up. Tune in now for all the laughs and Albright cackles you can handle.Find all of this week’s hilarious stories here:Doctors warn against using erection cream to plump lipsPenis-shaped flight patternFour travelers eat 66 pounds of oranges to avoid extra airline feesSpinach can send emails now, and Twitter is in disbeleafThis Chameleon May Be The World’s Tiniest Reptile, But Its Genitals Are Huge

Bigfoot? Bigfeet? Bigfoots?

Mon, 01 Feb 2021 21:10:00 +0000

Grey Albright and Billy Hurley are back for another episode of the Patreon podcast. Whether you are signed up for Patreon for the podcast or the rankings, come listen in as guest host B_Don walks the guys through some of the best, "Not, Not News" out there. Starting with a story about an Oklahoma law maker that is trying to answer an important question, when is Bigfoot hunting season?With all of his many ideas, we're all surprised Grey wasn't the person who invented airbag jeans. Continuing with original ideas, Panera has found the answer for all the winter iced coffee drinkers, bread bowl hand warmers! Why didn't we think of that? The next story, we all agree was not a good idea as a man has turned himself into a black alien through a series of physical modifications.We could only look at the photo of that guy so long, so, we wrap up the podcast on a lighter note as Kraft as announced that they are making a special pink, candy flavored mac and cheese for Valentine's day. I'm sure your sweety wouldn't throw you out of the house for making pink Kraft mac and cheese (don't do it, it's a trap).Find all of this week’s hilarious stories here:Oklahoma Lawmaker Wants To Create An Official Bigfoot Hunting SeasonGuy invents Airbag Jeans Panera 'solves' dilemma for iced coffee drinkers with wintry Bread Bowl Hand WarmerMan turns himself into ‘black alien’ by removing nose, top lipPink Mac & Cheese

Perfect and Unique

Mon, 25 Jan 2021 22:42:50 +0000

Razzball Patreon members receive our weekly podcast where Grey cackles about the funniest news stories we’ve found over the past week, plus you get that warm fuzzy feeling of supporting your favorite fantasy sports site in all the land.Grey Albright and Billy Hurley are back for another podcast episode! B_Don is still filling in for Donkey Teeth as the guys go through the best of the not, not news. The trio could have spent the whole hour on the first story about a dinosaur's butthole that was found and opens up new insights into dinosaur anatomy. Next up, a British couple recently had one of Gweneth Paltrow's vagina candles erupt in their house. On to the next story, a British man was found 100 miles from his home while violating COVID quarantine rules and his excuse was that he was trying to get to a McDonald's, but there was no McDonald's in that town. While that story was about violating COVID, Tom Cruise has paid for 2 COVID patrolling robots to monitor the social distancing and mask wearing on set of the 69th Mission Impossible movie. Robot voice Grey and Billy do not disappoint. I wonder if Tom Cruise is a smooshy face cat? His lack of range would make sense given the next story about how these 'smooshy' faced cats are having trouble showing their emotions. We wrap up with a story about Ben & Jerry's branching off to make ice cream treats for the doggos out there.Tune in now for all the laughs and Albright cackles you can handle by signing up for the exclusive Razzball Patreon Club for only $5/month, or upgrade to receive the weekly podcast plus early access to all of Grey’s 2021 fantasy baseball rankings and posts for just $13/month!Find all of this week’s hilarious stories here:1st preserved dinosaur butthole is 'perfect' and 'unique,'Gwyneth Paltrow's 'vagina' candle reportedly explodes in UK woman's homeUK man claims McDonald's craving is why he violated lockdown, drove 100 miles to town with no McDonald’s Tom Cruise reportedly buys robots to enforce COVID-19 safety on film setSmooshy-faced cats can't show emotion thanks to inbreedingBen & Jerry’s enters the pet food business with ‘Doggie Desserts

The John Dillermand Show

Mon, 18 Jan 2021 18:10:59 +0000

While Donkey Teeth is away at his retreat, B_Don fills in as the podcast host for another hour of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News with Billy Hurley and Grey Albright. We start with a conversation about just what exactly DT is doing while he's away and how flexible he may be when he returns. Then, the guys move on to the story that DT teased before he left where a man has been charged with operating an international table tennis crime syndicate. While fixing ping pong matches is pretty ballsy, it's got nothing on our next story about John Dillermand who is the lead character in a children's show from Denmark where a man uses his penis to perform all sorts of tasks. Next up, James Blunt gets scurvy? No, that can't be right, did he right a song about being curvy? No, James Blunt did get scurvy. The last story comes from Australia where a naked fugitive was found by 2 fishermanFind all of this week’s hilarious stories here:Australian police charge man in alleged international table tennis match-fixing syndicateDenmark launches children's TV show about man with giant penisJames Blunt gets scurvy from All-Meat DietNaked Fugitive Rescued From Crocodile-Infested Mangroves By Fishermen

The Pillow Case Bandit

Mon, 11 Jan 2021 19:00:06 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. First we discuss how a drunken man blacked out and changed his name to "Celine Dion." Then we dig in on some questionable octopus propaganda from the evil mainstream media. Finally we round out the show with the story of a man who robbed a bank using a pillow case without holes as a mask and a wildlife trapper who disguised herself as an elderly woman in order to capture an aggressive turkey.Find all of this week’s hilarious stories here:Man gets wasted, legally changes name to Celine DionOctopuses are ocean bullies that punch fish out of spiteMan who robbed bank wearing pillow case without eye holes arrested after fleeing 'very slowly' then stopping to pat a dogWildlife trapper dons disguise to capture aggressive turkey

New Year's Potato Party

Mon, 04 Jan 2021 19:01:02 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. On this week's New Year's extravaganza show we dive right in on one of the stories of the year: a son wins lawsuit after mom throws away his best porno mags. Then cops called to investigate a marijuana smell find a burning inflatable T-Rex costume and a hospital in Trinidad denies allegations of a snake in their operating theatre—it was only a monkey, they claim. The year is rounded out with a story about people shoving potatoes up their butts in an attempt to cure hemorrhoids (not recommended by medical professionals).Find all of this week’s hilarious stories here:Son wins lawsuit after mom throws away his best porno magsOfficers called to pot smell coming from neighbor’s apartment find burning T-Rex costume insteadHospital angrily denies snake discovered in operating theatre, insisting there was only a monkeyStop shoving potatoes up your butt, doctors warn

Drunk on Christmas Sewage Wine

Mon, 28 Dec 2020 19:00:02 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. After Grey updates us on his pastrami drama we dive on on this weeks stories, including a naked man rollerblading on an Ohio highway wearing only a panda head and an illegal winery operating out of an Alabama sewage plant. Later we investigate hyper-realistic masks in Japan, McDonalds new Spam/Oreo burger and cat poop coffee.Find all of this week’s hilarious stories here:Naked man filmed rollerblading on Ohio highway wearing only panda headIllegal Winery Busted At Alabama Town’s Sewage PlantWearing someone else's face: Hyper-realistic masks to go on sale in JapanMcDonald's Is Releasing A New Burger And It's Made With Spam and OreosCat Poop Coffee

Pastrami Panic

Mon, 21 Dec 2020 19:00:03 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. It was a laid back holiday show this week as Grey shares his famous Albright pastrami with the world. Off the top, we discuss the new Japanese pajama suits that are sweeping Toyko. Later we investigate lost Chinese martial art of Iron Crotch Kung Fu and then round the show out with a murder suspect who escapes prison transport with in a McDonalds drive-thru.Find all of this week’s hilarious stories here:Japan's Pajama Suit helps teleworkers look good for Zoom callsChinese “iron crotch” kung fu masters fight to preserve a painful-looking traditionMurder suspect escapes prison transport van that stopped at McDonald’s

Fugging with Billy Hurley

Mon, 14 Dec 2020 19:00:02 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. Off the top, we discuss how German courts rule in favor of techno, an underwater scooter criminal and the Austrian villager formerly named "Fucking." Real village name, real news. Then we round the show out with a missing giant wooden penis statue in the Bavarian Alps and a whale sculpture in the Netherlands which saved an out of control metro train. Follow along with all of this week's stories here:German Court Rules That Techno Counts As Music Ponzi scheme suspect uses underwater scooter to try and evade FBI in California Austrian village of 'Fucking' decides to change its name A Giant Penis Statue in the Bavarian Mountains Is the New Mysterious Monolith Giant whale sculpture catches crashing metro train in midair

Easy Mayo On That Yoga Mat

Mon, 07 Dec 2020 19:01:01 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. Off the top, we discuss why Subway sandwiches can no longer legally be called food in Ireland and what's up with Lady Gaga's new oreos. Then we chat about Toyko's new porn star amusement park and the strange monoliths popping up all over the world. Tune in now for all the laughs!And follow along with all of this week's stories here:Sandwiches in Subway 'too sugary to meet legal definition of being bread' Lady Gaga launches eye-popping 'Chromatica' Oreo cookieTokyo opens adults-only theme park, complete with porn stars Monoliths

Airplane Food Thanksgiving with Billy Hurley

Mon, 30 Nov 2020 19:01:02 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. Off the top, we discuss the new the Florida man who pulls out a gun when questioned about his penis size and the U.K.'s pandemic sex ban. Then we chat about a tourist who was cursed after stealing artifacts from the ruins of Pompei and Finnair's new business plan.Find all of this week’s hilarious stories here:Florida driver whips out handgun when asked about his penis size Sex banned indoors for Tier 2 couples living apart, Number 10 confirms Tourist returns stolen artefacts from Pompeii ‘after suffering curse’ A taste for travel? Finnair to sell plane food in shops

Tom Cruise And The Pope Walk Into A Space Bar

Mon, 23 Nov 2020 19:00:03 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. Off the top, we discuss the new Tom Cruise movie set to be filmed in space and the Pope's Instagram scandal. Later we dive in on Baby Shark torture and time travel.Find all of this week’s hilarious stories here:Tom Cruise is officially going to space for his next movieVatican probing Pope Francis' Instagram 'liking' Natalia Garibotto photoPlaying ‘Baby Shark’ on repeat officially deemed a form of tortureAfter Fiancee is Found Dead, Man Researches Time Travel to ‘Correct a Horrible Mistake’Woman accused of impersonating prosecutor, dropping criminal charges against herself

The Grey Albright IQ Test

Mon, 16 Nov 2020 19:00:03 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. Off the top, we discuss skydiving proposals and airplane pandemic weddings, which prompts Grey to question all types of measurements—especially IQ tests. Later we have a long talk about elevator etiquette and COVID elevator etiquette in particular.Find all this week's hilarious stories here:Man proposes to girlfriend after skydiving from 13,000 feetYou can now buy a $28K socially distant ‘Wedding in the Sky’ Why elevator etiquette has New Yorkers at each other’s throats Tesla owner in Canada charged with ‘sleeping’ while driving over 90 mph

Vote for Billy Hurley

Mon, 09 Nov 2020 19:00:00 +0000

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. Off the top, we find out about a French Bulldog who was elected to office in Kentucky, then it devolves from there.Find all of this week’s hilarious stories here:Kentucky town elects new mayor — this French bulldog named Wilbur Rooster Kills Policeman in Cockfighting Raid Gone Wrong Man banned from Yellowstone for trying to fry chickens in hot spring Hero pet parrot squawks owner’s name, saves him from house fire

Patreon Podcast: With The Hilarious Billy Hurley

Mon, 02 Nov 2020 19:00:07 +0000

It's your favorite hour of the week! I Can't Believe It's Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. Off the top, Grey shares the story of how an @BillyHurls tweet about Everything Bagels almost broke up his marriage, then devolves from there.Find all of this week's stories here:Costco drops Chaokoh coconut milk over allegations of forced monkey labor Fyre Fest's Billy McFarland allegedly placed in solitary confinement for podcasting Toronto family shocked by letter

The Billy Hurley Show!

Mon, 26 Oct 2020 20:00:03 +0000

It's the 20th episode of I Can't Believe It's Not Not News with Grey Albright, Donkey Teeth and world renowned comedian Billy Hurley. First, Grey gives an update about his role as pedophile on an episode of NCIS and the codpiece cookies he made for Chris O'Donnell. Then we dive in on this week's stories with a Billy reporting from under a rock about a website offering a chance to live under a rock during election week—excuse me while I book my accommodations. Speaking of the election, an Iowa man who stole an election sign then stole every newspaper that reported his original theft. Then find out all about the boy who's eaten noting but sausage his entire life; straight from teat to the sausage. All this and much more on this week's Razzball Patreon Podcast! Find all of this week's stories here:Website offers chance to 'live under a rock' during election week Iowa man who stole election sign goes on to steal newspapers that reported it Boy who has eaten nothing but sausages his whole life has been curedOnline retailer Yandy has transformed hand sanitizer and banana bread into revealing Halloween costumes

Uber Farts

Mon, 19 Oct 2020 18:01:00 +0000

Billy Hurley returns triumphantly from his comedy show on the park hill and Grey has a tub of Boba from his new favorite tea establishment for this week's episode of I Can't Believe It's Not Not News. But first Grey divulges a super secret TV show which will be recorded in his home this week. Then we dive into the earth shattering news story about the man who was charged with ASSault after farting in an Uber. No, seriously, the gassenger is facing 6 months jail time for his stinky crime. And after several sightings of a man in a jet pack 3,000 feet in the air over LAX, questions arise regarding Grey's recent whereabouts. Also, a Florida father sends his son to school wearing a Hooters mask. Or Hooters underwear on his face, hard to tell. Tune in now for all the laughs with Billy, Grey and Donkey!Man charged with assault after farting in UberJet Pack Sighting at 3,000 Feet Over Los Angeles Prompts InvestigationFlorida dad defends fifth-grade son wearing Hooters mask to school

The Boy Who Cried Apple Care

Mon, 12 Oct 2020 16:46:00 +0000

Don't miss story time off the top of this week's episode of I Can't Believe It's Not Not News with star comedian Billy Hurley, amateur comedian Grey Albright and failing comedian Donkey Teeth. Grey tells about how he also died in a pickling accident plus his struggles getting Apple Care to solve all his problems. And Billy invites the audience to travel back in time to attend his outdoor comedy show in a New York City park.Then we discuss the top news stories of the week, headlined by the three guys accused of creating a man cave under Grand Central Terminal with a futon AND microwave too. Plus a new dating site which only matches users with a 20+ year age gap as well as a bonus story about a dating site for men with small penises. Side note, we'd like to introduce you to our new sponsor: Dinky One's Dating Site.Also, you'll definitely want to hear the story about how hard it is being rich these days. Check out all of this week's stories here: 3 accused of creating man cave under Grand Central Terminal New ‘extreme’ dating site only matches users with 20-year age gap I’m a millionaire and it’s really hard being rich

Parrots Swearing Like Sailors, Durrrrr!

Mon, 05 Oct 2020 16:45:01 +0000

Grey and Billy Albright are back after their blessed union, and better than ever, on this week's episode of I Can't Believe It's Not Not News with Donkey Teeth! After a discussion about how Grey totally dropped the ball while selecting his playoff fantasy baseball team with Donkey, the guys dive head first into the news cycle.First some foul mouthed parrots are reprimanded for swearing at visitors in a wildlife park. Then an American tourists faces prison time after posting a negative review for a hotel in Thailand a recovering Albany addict is rescued by priests on a floating tiki bar. And finally some people we've never heard of are having terrible quarantine sex because they didn't get the memo on quarantine sex walls. Find all of this week's wacky stories here:Foul-Mouthed Parrots Removed from Wildlife Park for Swearing at Visitors American tourist faces prison for negative TripAdvisor review of Thailand hotel Albany man rescued from Lake George by priests on a floating tiki bar Cynthia Bailey is having ‘horrible’ quarantine sex with fiancé Mike Hill

Grey Impresses with Impressions

Mon, 28 Sep 2020 16:46:00 +0000

We have a special treat for you this week on the Razzball Patreon Podcast! The not not new takes somewhat of a backseat on this episode as Grey shows off his vocal range with top notch impersonations of Richard Nixon, Bill Clinton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Robert Deniro, Al Pacino, Christopher Walken, Marlon Brando, Leonard DiCaprio and Sean Connery. Billy adds in his great impressions of Trump, Obama, Bush Sr. and Ross Pero for good measure, as well as a hilarious new character: "Timid Don Corleone." But of course the name of the show is still, "I Can't Believe It's Not Not News," and this weeks outrageous stories will not disappoint either, including the man who saved a half eaten Richard Nixon BBQ buffalo sandwich for 60 years, a ban on pooping on New York City subways and Australian courts rule that employees may now use the toilet and drink water while at work—how progressive. Tune in now for all the laughs and Albright cackles you can handle!Man has kept Richard Nixon’s half-eaten sandwich for 60 years MTA board to officially ban pooping in subways, buses Workers have a right to take toilet breaks, court rules

7 Pints of Urine a Day Keeps the Doctor Away

Mon, 21 Sep 2020 16:45:01 +0000

World famed comedian Billy Hurley returns for his 15th show with Grey Albright and Donkey Teeth. Penis stories were sparse in this week's not not news, but there was plenty of pee. A German man was in the news this week for his unorthodox alternative health practice of drinking 7 pints of his own urine each day which allegedly keeps him from ever getting sick. Then, Grey is intrigued by a Japanese haunted drive-thru where ghosts and zombies attack your car. But the highlight of the show is an Alaskan dentist who's going to prison for 12 years for performing dental work on a hoover board. We round out this week's not not news with a feel good story of the tortoise who went missing for 74 days, only to be found 1/8th of a mile away from home. So buckle up and grab a frosty pint of urine as you listen to this week's episode of I Can't Believe It's Not Not News! Man drinks seven pints of his own urine a day, claims he never gets ill Socially Distanced Drive-Thru Haunted House OpensAn Alaska dentist who extracted a patient's tooth on a hoverboard sentenced to 12 years in jail A 150-pound tortoise who escaped from a Tennessee home has been returned after 74 days, managing to make it less than a mile during his slow and steady journey

New Razzball Writer AbraHam Bacon!

Mon, 14 Sep 2020 16:45:59 +0000

If it's not news then you won't hear about it on I Can't Believe It's Not Not News with Grey Albright, Billy Hurley and Donkey Teeth. On this week's show we discuss a woman who called the police over a piece of meat she bought at Save A Lot which she suspected might be a human penis—it wasn't. Then a lock of Abraham Lincoln's hair goes up for auction which gives Grey the brilliant idea to clone Honest Abe and employ him to write for Razzball. Later, a tourist in Thailand grabs a docile tiger's testicles for a selfie opp and a New Zealand boy has a lego piece lodged in his nose for two full years. Find links to all of this week's stories below!Phallic-shaped meat prompts police investigation Lock of Lincoln’s hair and bloodied telegram up for auction Ballsy tourist slammed for grabbing tiger by testicles for zoo selfie Lego piece falls out of New Zealand boy's nose after being stuck for two years Shit a brick: doctors swallow Lego to allay parents' fears

Marble Cutting Board? No, That's Wood!

Mon, 07 Sep 2020 16:45:59 +0000

I Can't Believe It's Not Not News is back for your weekly dose of wacky news from around the world. First, a college student orders a marble cutting board off Amazon, only to find a vivid sketch of a penis drawn on the board (see image). As you might guess, Billy and Grey have plenty of thoughts about this young ladies' fortune. Next, a homeless Florida man lives in a luxury suite at the Tampa Bay soccer stadium for two weeks before being discovered by the cleaning crew. Then, KFC suspends their "Finger Lickin' Good" slogan which prompts Billy to come up with a few alternative slogans for the chicken empire and Grey gets caught up on Colonel Sanders' fake valor. All of this, plus a surprise visit from Billy-Ivan and cameo appearance from Billy the Penis Arm Guy. Tune in now for all the laughs!

Butter Albright: Idea Man

Mon, 31 Aug 2020 16:46:00 +0000

On this week's podcast, Grey, Billy and Donkey spend half the show discussing a Chinese news story where a 300-500 pound man somehow gets stuck in the opening of a well. Our main idea man Grey has the solution which of course involves a dog and butter. The second half of the show is full of more dogs, butter and dog butter ideas.Also, a cat falls from the sky and knocks a different Chinese man unconscious and a Swiss chocolate factory malfunction causes chocolate flakes to fall from the sky like snow. And Mississippi almost changed their state flag to a mosquito. Classic Mississippi! Tune in now for all the laughs and Albright giggles!

Smashmouth Featuring Billy-Ivan

Mon, 24 Aug 2020 16:41:00 +0000

The music never stops on the Razzball Patreon Podcast! In this week's batch of I Can't Believe it's Not Not News stories, Billy-Ivan heads out to the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally to report on a Smashmouth concert. The story wouldn't be complete without Billy-Ivan showing up to serenade us with his own rendition of the Smashmouth hit, All-Star.In other not-not-news, a Peruvian man catches his cheating wife by using Google Maps Street View, the last Blockbuster on earth is repurposed into an AirBnB, a cat plays the piano and Grey purchases a 1.5 million dollar gold coronavirus mask. You'll also want to hear about Grey's new unboxing show and Billy's new boxing show. All of this and more nonsense on this week's exclusive Razzball Patreon Podcast!

Wild Boar Steals Naked Man's Laptop

Mon, 17 Aug 2020 16:46:00 +0000

I know what you're thinking. Wild Boar? Naked Man? Laptop? It can't be news! Actually, I myself can't believe it's not not news. But it is news.Wild Boars have really stepped up their publicity game after being out-shined by emus for the past several weeks. But that wasn't the only not not news Grey Albright, Billy Hurley and Donkey Teeth couldn't not not believe this week.A parasite which makes the coronavirus look like a Hawaiian vacation is sweeping the cicada population and turning them into sex crazed zombies, a toddler "climbs" a 10,000 foot mountain, Splash Mountain has log flume sink and a Maine man saws his neighbor's garage in half. Grey and Billy head out into the field, risking their lives to report on these overlooked news stories. Tune in now!

Something Up Grey's Sleeve

Mon, 10 Aug 2020 16:45:59 +0000

Hello Valued Razzball Patron! You really aren't going to believe what's not not news on this week's Patreon Podcast. Global pandemic be damned, Donkey Teeth sends comedian Billy Hurley, and Master of Lothario Grey Albright, all around the world to get the first hand scoop on some of the wildest news stories you'll ever hear.Billy visited an Emu sex party out in San Francisco, for the good of show, of course. And Grey covered this week's top story from across the pond as a man had a prosthetic penis attached to his arm. I know, you can't believe it's not not news, right? But it is news! We're bringing you the scoop on both of these stories and much more on this week's exclusive Patreon Podcast! Enjoy!

Is that a Meatball Sub in your Pants?

Mon, 03 Aug 2020 16:40:00 +0000

On this week's podcast episode of I Can't Believe It's Not Not News with world renowned comedian Billy Hurley, we talk about even more offbeat news stories. And you won't not believe them! Anyway, on this week's show Grey gets riled up about Joe Kelly before a student fails an exam because a meatball dropped onto her keyboard during the test. The I find out what an emus is before Grey serenades us all with his Moroccan rap album. All the while Billy attempts to distance himself from Grey's disgusting sexism. Find all this and many more not not news stories on this week's Patreon Podcast!

Razzball Patreon Podcast: Help Grey Buy a Cardboard Dodgers Fan

Mon, 27 Jul 2020 17:01:02 +0000

On this week's Patreon Podcast episode of I Can't Believe It's Not Not News with world renowned comedian Billy Hurley, we talk about even more offbeat news stories. And you won't not believe them! The highlight of this week's wild not not news cycle was a 3-foot, 40-pound dildo stolen from a Las Vegas sex shop. Our local dildo expert correspondents, Billy and Grey, analyze all the wrinkles of this great story. And later the guys discuss their experience as patrons of Texas' first drive-thru strip club—two song limit folks!

SoupCon 2020

Mon, 20 Jul 2020 14:45:59 +0000

Did you hear this week's big news? No, not the story about the man who bit the seagull for trying to steal his Big Mac. Grey is now releasing his weekly buy/sell articles one day early to all our valued Patreon members! We're also raffling off two of the final RazzBowl fan spots off to Patreon members this week. Shoot me an email at DonkeyTeeth@Razzball.com if you're a Patreon member who would like to be entered into that raffle. And if you aren't in the cool kid's Patreon club yet, what in the name of Albright are you waiting for?! Join the Razzball Patreon now for just $5/month.Anyway, on this week's episode of I Can't Believe It's Not Not News with world renowned comedian Billy Hurley, we talked about more offbeat news stories. What you heard about the man who bit a seagull was all true. And no, that man wasn't previous Patreon Podcast guest, Lenny Dykstra. Well, as far as we know. Turkmenistan is also dealing with a very serious dust pandemic and their requiring all of their citizens to wear masks. And they're now dealing with a severe shortage of Swifters. Grey is impressed with the man who's trademarking potential new team names for the Washington football team formerly known as the Redskins and Billy is fascinated by the man who just obtained his 150th Guiness Record by keeping three balloons in the air for over an hour. Find all of this plus a brief appearance by Billy-Ivan, on this week's Razzball Patreon Podcast!

I Can't Believe It's Not Not Dong News

Mon, 13 Jul 2020 16:46:00 +0000

The Razzball Patreon gets harder and harder each week. I mean hotter and hotter each week. Sorry, we just got done discussing a bunch of dong news articles on this week's show with our favorite comedian, and Grey's new best friend, Billy Hurley. Grey was enamored with the headline of a man who "accidentally" got a phone charger stuck in his bladder by inserting it up his penis. Except the distressed patient told doctors that it was actually headphones that he swallowed. Can you believe this is real dong news? If so, you won't believe the next one! There's a mounting movement against sexist phallic shaped buildings. Feminists believe skyscrapers embody a toxic form of masculinity. Which leads Grey to praise the progressive Afghani Vagina Caves several dozen times throughout the show.After all the penis talk loses its libido, we discuss more not not news stories including Navy LSD usage, NASA's space perfume and Heinz's new mayo ice cream. Mmmmm mayo ice cream! Don't miss out on all of this week's laughs, support your favorite fantasy site now by joining the Razzball Patreon Club! We appreciate you all!

I Can't Believe It's Not Not News!

Mon, 06 Jul 2020 16:45:00 +0000

If you haven't signed up for the Razzball Patreon yet then you've been missing out. The 59 minutes I spend each week chatting about weird news stories with comedians Billy Hurley and Grey Albright, are easily 50 of the most entertaining minutes of my week (and 9 of the most confusing minutes when Grey gets off on a tangent about an imaginary Russian man named Ivan who wrestles sharks). Speaking of shark wrestling, we discuss a wild shark wrestling story on this week's show. Grey and Billy both give their best impressions of Grey's imaginary Russian friend Ivan—Billy wins easily—before we discuss flying snakes, 3D printed steaks and the new Guinness World Record for sponge hits to the face. Plus our first Florida man story with a guy who got trapped in quarantine with 200 parrots. Can you believe this is all news?! I for one can't believe it isn't isn't not not news! Join in on the madness, laughs and future Razzball Patreon insider benefits now while helping support you favorite fantasy baseball site! (95% of all proceeds will go towards Grey's Boba tea addiction.)

I Can't Believe It's News!

Mon, 29 Jun 2020 16:45:59 +0000

If you've been away during the MLB delay, then boy do we have a treat for you! During our quarantine days Grey and I created the exclusive Razzball Patreon Club. For the incredibly low price of $0.16 per day (or $5 per month) you too can join the Razz Patreon Nation, laugh along with our weekly podcasts, receive Grey's in season buy/sell columns early, win prizes, and much more!For the third week running we're joined by comedian Billy Hurley to breakdown this week's wacky news stories, including the Ukrainian man who was beaten with a sausage.Enjoy!

It Only Sounds Like Fake News Newshour

Mon, 22 Jun 2020 07:00:03 +0000

Appreciate everyone who has taken this multi-month journey with Donkey Teeth and I as we try to figure out exactly what this Patreon podcast will be. We started with interviewing ex-athletes (Lenny Dykstra), filmmakers, comedians, Prospect Itch and just Donkey and I shooting the shizz about what we’re watching on TV during a pandemic. Last week, we brought on friend of Razzball and comedian, Billy Hurley, and I secretly fell in love. I think it was our best show and the format seemed to click. Talk about the news that no one else wants to talk about or, rather, no one else should be talking about because they are ludicrous news stories. It’s the It Only Sounds Like Fake News Newshour!On this week’s show, we discuss a man that ordered escorts who he wanted to carry brooms, but got ones with machetes. Another story about a 76-year-old aerobics instructor, which was a story we discussed by accident because they just saw my browser history when I was prowling for Cougars.Then we discuss how scientists told us they’d be able to recreate dinosaurs in five years. Sadly, it was five years ago when they said it! Finally, a drunk monkey gets what he deserves — time behind bars! Wait, isn’t that a zoo? But, honestly, it’s just an excuse to laugh for an hour; hope you can appreciate how much that’s needed right now.

Special Guest Comedian Billy Hurley

Mon, 15 Jun 2020 07:01:00 +0000

How’s everyone liking us talking to a comedian on Patreon podcasts? I’m loving it. Can I say that or is it immodest? You know what, I don’t think immodest is bad, because I don’t know what immodest even means, so there! This week we welcomed, Billy Hurley, a NYC-based comedian. Wow, such credits! I kid, Billy’s awesome. Here’s how I know Billy: He was a fan of Razzball and I randomly followed him on Twitter and he made me laugh a lot, so now we’re like BFFs. Not really, but don’t tell him. Anyway, seriously, intro-to-this-sentence, I really do love Billy and he’s a good laugh. On today’s show we discuss everything that’s in the news…that you’re not hearing about! Ooh, intrigue! A sample of topics we cover is NYC guidelines for sex now include a wall between people; a Thai man who stole 126 flip-flops because he finds them erotic; a mermaid town that went out of business and this absolute journey of a headline: " Spanish porn star Nacho Vidal, who likes to advertise his aromatic candles shaped like male genitalia on Twitter, has been arrested on manslaughter charges following a man's death during a mystic ritual in which he inhaled psychedelic toad venom." We unpack all of that and more!

Special Guest Ben Sisto, The Man Who Knows Who Let The Dogs Out

Mon, 08 Jun 2020 07:00:03 +0000

On this week’s Patreon podcast, we welcome, Ben Sisto, artist, curator and star of the documentary, Who Let The Dogs Out. Yes, as in the song. *insert barking* The documentary — available on Hulu — Who Let the Dogs out — tells the story of Ben Sisto and how he went looking for the origins of the Who Let The Dogs Out song. You ever Google one topic on the internet like “What’s so great about Britain” and five hours later find yourself watching someone make homemade tortillas? That’s what this documentary feels like in some ways — what started from an innocuous moment on the Wikipedia page of Who Let The Dogs Out sent Ben on a 10-year odyssey to find out, finally, who, actually, let out the dogs.The song is a top 5 earworm. To the point where, even as I type out Who Let The Dogs Out, it’s a struggle to not say the woo-woo-woo-woo-woo part, but that is merely the entrance into this insane story. Most people know the song from Baha Men, but the song is almost like an anthem in the Caribbean where lots of people know the song, and it was around long before Baha Men, and they simply covered it. Only it wasn’t a straight line from the song being an anthem to being covered. The song writing credits, according to Wikipedia, are Anslem Douglas, but that is merely the beginning. The story takes twists and turns through Florida, Michigan, the Seattle Mariners and A-Rod (yes, seriously) and many legal battles. I can’t recommend the documentary highly enough.

Special Guest Comedian J-L Cauvin

Mon, 01 Jun 2020 05:01:59 +0000

It was with great pleasure and numerous giggles, we welcomed comedian J-L Cauvin onto our Patreon show. I mean, what else do you need to know about what to expect from this show? It’s a spot-on impersonation of Trump, and he does it for nearly an hour. *infomercial voice* But wait there’s more! The Trump impersonation was just one of many impersonations he gave us on the show. Some of the other impersonations you will hear are Bernie Sanders, Joe Biden, Jack Bauer, Louis CK, Jean-Claude Van Damme and many more (okay, a few more). We find out answers to such pressing questions as: What would Trump eat at a CHINA restaurant? If he were animal, would he be a panda or bear? How do we know the earth isn’t flat…or do we? To see all of J-L’s impersonations, you should subscribe to his YouTube channel — or his Twitter — I’m now hearing the Trump voice in my head as I type this out — or his website — lots of great, truly wonderful promotional materials — yup, still hearing the voice. It’s hard not to hear it after recording the pod.

Very Special Guest Prospect Itch

Mon, 25 May 2020 07:01:00 +0000

Sadly, we talk a lot about baseball this Patreon podcast. I know, I know, I KNOW! I’m sorry. You don’t pay us the very, very small amount of sixteen cents per day to hear about baseball. You want dong talk! Well, you’re not getting much of it this week. Less schlong, more baseball, that’s what I always say after reading that line off a bathroom stall. To discuss baseball, we welcome our very own prospect writer, Prospect Itch. During our spirited chat, we wrestle with some questions like: When will baseball return? What will it look like when it does return? And, perhaps most importantly, what will the fantasy baseball prospect rankings look like if — heaven forbid — there’s no baseball season?Also, on today’s show, we dial up Lenny Dykstra, because that’s now as likely to happen at the beginning part of our podcasts as our theme song. He’s a joy to talk to as always. It’s shameful that joy lasts roughly fifteen seconds. You see, he’s busy. *very slow side-eyed glance* Riiiiight. Then we discuss some TV shows we’ve seen this week, and discover Itch is watching shows from 2012 like Legion. Then we discuss how Ford vs. Ferrari is as complicated a movie to understand as it’s incredibly mysterious title. Wait, it’s not Ferrari vs. Ford, huh? Crazy. Who would’ve guessed it? Finally, we discuss how I will never become a barber or ever go within five feet of my head again with clippers.

The Schlong Show

Mon, 18 May 2020 07:00:01 +0000

So, I didn’t expect much from this Patreon podcast, but, honestly, waking up Lenny Dykstra mid-nap to hear him say Ron Darling sucks d**k, well…I have to be honest here, this podcast is in the pantheon of nonsense. So, we get Lenny Dykstra on the show, for, I don’t know, maybe 15 minutes. He’s in the middle of napping-slash-having sex and he’s also very, very angry with Ron Darling, but, other than that, it was a totally normal conversation where I say 1993 Phillies players names and Lenny says whether or not they did drugs with him. Ya know, standard stuff.Then Donkey Teeth and I dive into how my grandfather picked up a girl in the last week during a pandemic and she’s now moved in with him. Again, this is normal stuff. He’s only 92 years old with more game than any of you. Next up (this is likely totally out of order), we talk about my love for Normal People on Hulu. There’s no spoilers to say I think it’s the best show of 2020. It’s at least better than the shitshow that is the world. Finally, we discuss MLB’s plans to return and Blake Snell’s channeling of Vanilla Ice during contract negotiations. Maybe Vanilla should’ve had Blake Snell talk to Suge Knight about Ice, Ice Baby song rights. Who’s to say? Then we pimp the YouTube fantasy football show that Donkey and Boof started. Bless them and everyone who listens to this Patreon podcast. It’s five dollars per month to sign up, and every bit helps right now. Also, you can help us by subscribing to our Ad-free site. Enjoy the show!

Lenny Dykstra Part 1 of (Possibly) 100

Mon, 11 May 2020 05:01:00 +0000

So, I reached out to Lenny Dykstra about being on our podcast along with many other people, such as Barack Obama. Barack prolly didn’t respond because I had a typo in my DM. Stupid Siri! I said one on! What the hell is coming on on?! “Here lies Grey, Siri ruined his life.” Unless Barack just didn’t want to talk about the White Sox and jinx them after I said they were my preseason favorite for the World Series. You can’t jinx Dylan Cease, Barack, you should know that! Any hoo! I continued to reach out to people. Barack was not going to allow me to get down on myself, like Cougs asks me to get down on her while pretending to be Barack! No, sir, Siri! I was going to fight through our country’s most difficult time by reaching out to another great American in America, Lenny Dykstra. So, then we went back and forth for about two weeks trying to figure out a time that worked for everyone, and eventually that led to what you’re about to hear on today’s Patreon podcast. What. A. Joy. Behar. It. Is. Not. You thought I was stopping after “What a joy,” didn’t you? Don’t try to pigeonhole me into making sense! It is merely the first part of our Lenny Dykstra conversation, hopefully more is to come, because we have more questions to ask. Some of the potential questions for next time are discussed. They are definitely, “NAILS.” We also talk at length about baseball returning in July and what it will mean for the universal DH. If you have any celebrities you want me to try to reach out to, let me know in the comments here or on Patreon and I will do my best. If you have any questions for Lenny for our next podcast with him, you can leave that too.To hear this podcast and more, click this Patreon Podcast link to subscribe for $5, every bit helps. Also, you can help us by subscribing to our Ad-free site. Enjoy the show!

Don Zemmer And We Get White & Nerdy

Mon, 04 May 2020 05:01:00 +0000

Donkey Teeth and I had the pleasure of welcoming Don Zemmer (a sentence I’m sure you expected to read pre-pandemic) to our Patreon podcast.Who?Dot dot dot.Don Zemmer, fools! The guy who sings popular songs using baseball players’ names! Allow me to give you an example for the underknowers and not-yet-appreciators. For the unsubscribed and not-yet-hip-to-the-unhip. For the uninitiated and unsatiated. For the what-the-heck-are-you-talking-abouters and the seriously-fill-me-in-I’m-cluelessers! Here’s some of Don Zemmer’s best: https://twitter.com/DonZemmer/status/1249196732455489539?s=20 And we hit that young brother with the toughest questions you can imagine about singing players’ names to popular songs. What’s the hardest words to find in baseball player names? Asked and answered! Do you repeat baseball player names? Asked and, follow along here, answered! How Jewish are you? Asked, and, um, answered, though that has less to do with the songs. I find a brother from another mother and prolly father in Don Zemmer when I find out he’s Italian and Jewish, a fellow pizza bagel. If you want to hear this lovefest as much as you want to hear me beg for him to do a cover of Weird Al’s White & Nerdy, you’re going to want to tune in for this episode. (Obligatory explanation to what’s going on and real world implications.) We’re charging $5 per month for this podcast as I try to pay writers, server costs and keep Razzball afloat. Also, it would help if you bought a season-long ad-free subscription. To subscribe to the Patreon podcast click that link-a-ma-whosie. Also, you get free pics of Donkey Teeth in the hospital. (Seriously, but it’s un-Rona-related, sadly.) To follow, Don Zemmer on Twitter click his name, my dudes, and to subscribe to his Youtube click that link, homies.

Giant Baby vs. Michael Jordan, Who Wins?

Mon, 27 Apr 2020 07:00:01 +0000

This week Donkey Teeth and I (totally normally sentence) talk about how awesome it was that so many people signed up for the Razzball Patreon show, and I get an absolutely bonkers good idea. Seemingly, at the moment the podcast airs I realize that once the season starts, I can start putting up the roundups and Buy/Sell columns early on the Patreon page, so people can get them, and the advice they contain, hours or even a day before everyone else gets them. Then, we talk about the NFBC Best Ball league we were roped...bamboozled...C'mon, thesaurus, hoodwinked into by a bunch of Razzball commenters, and how the league is, being polite, set up in an interesting way. Also, because I am absolutely mystified about all things to do with Repulsive Giant Baby, we discuss that for far longer than anyone could/would imagine. What's that, you don't know RGB? You thought RGB was Roy G. Biv? Don't be silly! I have a tweet for you: https://twitter.com/DuckAlertsNOW/status/1252297476385632256?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw Then, when the podcast can't literally get better, it manages to take a turn for the sublime when we talk about the Titans' NFL Draft War Room and how there might be not one, but two future Joe Exotic husbands there. Finally, (this is not in order), we talk about the Michael Jordan documentary, The Last Dance, and Donkey Teeth has a firsthand encounter with Scottie Pippen. We appreciate everyone who has signed for the show already -- it really helps! And everyone who signed up for our ad-free membership. You guys are literally the best. I'd hug ya, but then we'd both get The Rona and that would be it for both of us.

Get Your Sixteen-Point-Six-Cents' Worth

Sat, 18 Apr 2020 17:03:12 +0000

Hello, I'm Sally Struthers. I'm five-foot-one and tons of fun. You might remember me from All in the Family and 'Getting you to send a nickel a day to a starving kid in Africa.' Well, we have a new starving kid. His name is Grey Albright, and he wants more than a nickel per day. He wants... *calculating what five dollars over a month is per day*...Sixteen-point-six cents per day. Man, this guy is greedy eh-eff. For sixteen-point-six cents per day, you can get...*googling around the internet for something you can buy for sixteen cents*...Nothing! Postage alone costs more than that. You can't buy anything in the world for sixteen-point-six cents per day over 30 days. If it's a 31-day month, then you only have sixteen-point-one cent, so good luck with that! You just lost five-tenths of a cent and all I did was add an extra day! Don't even get me started on stupid February. So, Donkey Teeth and I started a Patreon podcast where we talk about absolute utter nonsense. Sometimes, there will be baseball talk, or sports talk if Donkey is the one braying on about it. Mostly, we will talk about movies, TV and other nonsense. This podcast will be in addition to the show I do with Ralph. For unstints, today's podcast is mostly about coffee, The Americans, stimulus checks, Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul. If I'm being real with you, during the pandemic, our site advertising has been trash. The only flattening of the curve we've felt here at Razzball is the one to our bank account. I'm sure we're not the only ones, so I'm not going to give you the hard sell. I'd prefer you subscribe -- for only sixteen-point-six cents per day! -- because you want to listen to Donkey Teeth and I rather than feeling like you need to support the site. We will be fine (I hope!), and we'll get through this. Also, adding, uh, an ad-free subscription for $9.99 helps. To sign up to our show, go here: