RedCircle VERIFY_TOKEN_c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b -- Rendered At Sat, 04 Apr 2026 11:06:32 +0000 I Woke Up This Gay https://redcircle.com/shows/i-woke-up-this-gay en-US All rights reserved. Stuart Merrill *I WOKE UP THIS GAY* *-A podcast by Stuart Merrill, LGBTQ+ rights activist, lobbyist and public speaker on diversity.* The miracle of diversity we devoted our lives to create is under threat. In "I WOKE UP THIS GAY" I recall our LGBTQ+ history and my 50+ years of experiences as an out gay man, activist, advocate and lobbyist. During that time I worked for various U.S. intelligence agencies, various news organizations and eventually as a professional LGBTQ+ rights lobbyist. I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out: https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948 I've lived and worked as an openly gay man in 6 countries including the USA, the Soviet Union, Germany and South Africa. I have also traveled and worked in 50+ countries. Born into a prominent Mormon family in 1960, my gay journey began at the age of 12 when our Mormon Bishop commanded the men in my life, including my older brother and Scout Master, to beat the queer out of me. The violence continued for the rest of my childhood. (Episodes 2, 4, 8, 9, 10, 14, 15 & 19) Primarily raised by my Russian mother speaking Russian, German & English. (See episodes 2, 3, 4 & 10), I was recruited out of high school to work for United States intelligence agencies and became the first American allowed to keep my top secret security clearance after coming out as a gay man. (Episode 3). I came of age during the LGBTQ+ rights movement and the AIDS epidemic in North America, Eastern and Western Europe. (Episodes 2, 5, 7, 14 & 15). I returned to Utah as an adult and founded an LGBTQ+ rights advocacy organization. We successfully lobbied to increase state and federal funding for HIV medication, hate crimes legislation and LGBTQ+ rights bills. (Episodes 21, 22, 23, 24 & 25). While living in Moscow my boyfriend became the hero of the 1991 revolution that ended Communism in Russia. Two days later he was arrested, tortured and murdered by the KGB for being a prominent gay activist (Episode 1). I watched a man beaten to death by gay bashers in New York City while the armed policeman standing right next to me refused to stop it, or even take my witness statement (Episode 8). By the age of 30 most of my friends were dead, or dying from AIDS. When my best friend Stevie was dying of pneumonia his nurses were not allowed to give him oxygen because he had AIDS. That's when I vowed to become an activist. (Episode 5). The best way to fight the recent upsurge in anti LGBTQ+ legislation, rhetoric and violence is to tell our stories. We must remind people what it was like when we were the focus of America's hatred, discrimination and violence. My name is Stuart Merrill And I Woke Up This Gay! c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b I WOKE UP THIS GAY

-A podcast by Stuart Merrill, LGBTQ+ rights activist, lobbyist and public speaker on diversity.

The miracle of diversity we devoted our lives to create is under threat.

In "I WOKE UP THIS GAY" I recall our LGBTQ+ history and my 50+ years of experiences as an out gay man, activist, advocate and lobbyist. During that time I worked for various U.S. intelligence agencies, various news organizations and eventually as a professional LGBTQ+ rights lobbyist.  

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948

I've lived and worked as an openly gay man in 6 countries including the USA, the Soviet Union, Germany and South Africa. I have also traveled and worked in 50+ countries. 

Born into a prominent Mormon family in 1960, my gay journey began at the age of 12 when our Mormon Bishop commanded the men in my life, including my older brother and Scout Master, to beat the queer out of me. The violence continued for the rest of my childhood. (Episodes 2, 4, 8, 9, 10, 14, 15 & 19)

Primarily raised by my Russian mother speaking Russian, German & English. (See episodes 2, 3, 4 & 10), I was recruited out of high school to work for United States intelligence agencies and became the first American allowed to keep my top secret security clearance after coming out as a gay man. (Episode 3).

I came of age during the LGBTQ+ rights movement and the AIDS epidemic in North America, Eastern and Western Europe. (Episodes 2, 5, 7, 14 & 15).

I returned to Utah as an adult and founded an LGBTQ+ rights advocacy organization. We successfully lobbied to increase state and federal funding for HIV medication, hate crimes legislation and LGBTQ+ rights bills. (Episodes 21, 22, 23, 24 & 25).

While living in Moscow my boyfriend became the hero of the 1991 revolution that ended Communism in Russia. Two days later he was arrested, tortured and murdered by the KGB for being a prominent gay activist (Episode 1). 

I watched a man beaten to death by gay bashers in New York City while the armed policeman standing right next to me refused to stop it, or even take my witness statement (Episode 8).

By the age of 30 most of my friends were dead, or dying from AIDS. When my best friend Stevie was dying of pneumonia his nurses were not allowed to give him oxygen because he had AIDS. That's when I vowed to become an activist. (Episode 5).


The best way to fight the recent upsurge in anti LGBTQ+ legislation, rhetoric and violence is to tell our stories. We must remind people what it was like when we were the focus of America's hatred, discrimination and violence.  


My name is Stuart Merrill 

And

I Woke Up This Gay!

]]> episodic no Stuart Merrill iwokeupthisgaypodcast@gmail.com no full 45. HIV+ Attitude 45. HIV+ Attitude Stuart Merrill During those nightmare years at the beginning of the AIDS crisis, I started to notice a pattern. It wasn’t a pattern of sickness or death—it was a pattern of survival, even of quality of life.

Every person I knew with AIDS who somehow lived two, three, sometimes five years longer than expected had one thing in common: their attitude. Their approach to life—and to living with AIDS— was relentlessly positive. At times it seemed irrational, even illogical, but it was undeniably real.

In this episode, I share how I first learned, then lost, and ultimately relearned a positive approach to my health. After 25 years of severe HIV-related illness, I have my life back—and I owe it all to a positive attitude.

OSWC Community Care Backpack fundraiser:

https://open.spotify.com/episode/1upkCZK8VW0tPykQJ3CW6O?si=vxm5FXNNR8OF_0DpzBCM-Q&context=spotify%3Ashow%3A49MR9Y0b7qTSbP9tEzmhIW

]]> <p>During those nightmare years at the beginning of the AIDS crisis, I started to notice a pattern. It wasn’t a pattern of sickness or death—it was a pattern of survival, even of quality of life.</p><p>Every person I knew with AIDS who somehow lived two, three, sometimes five years longer than expected had one thing in common: their attitude. Their approach to life—and to living with AIDS— was relentlessly positive. At times it seemed irrational, even illogical, but it was undeniably real.</p><p>In this episode, I share how I first learned, then lost, and ultimately relearned a positive approach to my health. After 25 years of severe HIV-related illness, I have my life back—and I owe it all to a positive attitude.</p><p>OSWC Community Care Backpack fundraiser:</p><p>https://open.spotify.com/episode/1upkCZK8VW0tPykQJ3CW6O?si=vxm5FXNNR8OF_0DpzBCM-Q&amp;context=spotify%3Ashow%3A49MR9Y0b7qTSbP9tEzmhIW</p> d0c8609b-2408-407f-9633-cc43cb1db3f7 https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/b85afeca-eb7f-4b09-8ed1-ae62d6590846 Fri, 27 Mar 2026 21:54:14 +0000 1778 no full 44. The AIDS Guy, Part Two 44. The AIDS Guy, Part Two Stuart Merrill In this episode I recall how the members of the LGBTQ+ community tried to prevent me from saving the lives of gay men with AIDS, how we finally got federal legislation to pay for HIV medication as well as how and why i finally left Utah for good.

]]> <p>In this episode I recall how the members of the LGBTQ+ community tried to prevent me from saving the lives of gay men with AIDS, how we finally got federal legislation to pay for HIV medication as well as how and why i finally left Utah for good.</p> 480070c1-eb6b-43fd-86a3-61877fea642c https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/723d504b-e03a-4cb1-94f5-dc5d5bb39e29 Fri, 27 Feb 2026 18:21:45 +0000 3182 no full 43. The AIDS Guy, Part One 43. The AIDS Guy, Part One Stuart Merrill This is a very humorous story of how I strongarmed the Utah State Legislature into paying for HIV/AIDS medication during the intensely homophobic Bush years.  

Even though all my friends in the Democratic minority made it clear to me that I had a snowball's chance of hell of succeeding.

I wasn't so sure my goals were quite that unattainable. I had one very powerful tool most democratic politicians in Utah did not possess, NEPOTISM!

]]> <p>This is a very humorous story of how I strongarmed the Utah State Legislature into paying for HIV/AIDS medication during the intensely homophobic Bush years.  </p><p>Even though all my friends in the Democratic minority made it clear to me that I had a snowball&#39;s chance of hell of succeeding.</p><p>I wasn&#39;t so sure my goals were quite that unattainable. I had one very powerful tool most democratic politicians in Utah did not possess, NEPOTISM!</p> 0a4b4f0d-c33e-4cde-b775-78d377b866f9 https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/d4a3c165-85d3-4212-8f0a-f6c264126562 Sat, 31 Jan 2026 04:07:43 +0000 1915 no full 42. That Crazy Foreign Woman 42. That Crazy Foreign Woman Stuart Merrill When the Mormons in Utah saw the way my Russian Mother was raising me they rolled their eyes and called her "That Crazy Foreign Woman." Mum was always the smartest, best educated, best looking and by far the best dressed person in every room. She looked like Ava Gardener with curly black hair and stunning blue eyes. Women hated her and men were terrified of her. Everyone from our cousin the governor on down knew her well enough to admire and fear her.

For a woman in misogynistic Mormondom, in the 1950s, 60s and 70s, my mum accomplished some truly amazing things. She taught me life wasn't about conformity. It was about discovering who you are and learning to love the person you are meant to be, no matter how eccentric, different or even gay.

As an adult, armed with the lessons my mum taught me, I found that quirky, somewhat eccentric individual I am and a world where people appreciated me for who I am. Though to be perfectly honest, during my childhood I often wondered if this mythical world really existed.

]]> <p>When the Mormons in Utah saw the way my Russian Mother was raising me they rolled their eyes and called her &#34;That Crazy Foreign Woman.&#34; Mum was always the smartest, best educated, best looking and by far the best dressed person in every room. She looked like Ava Gardener with curly black hair and stunning blue eyes. Women hated her and men were terrified of her. Everyone from our cousin the governor on down knew her well enough to admire and fear her.</p><p>For a woman in misogynistic Mormondom, in the 1950s, 60s and 70s, my mum accomplished some truly amazing things. She taught me life wasn&#39;t about conformity. It was about discovering who you are and learning to love the person you are meant to be, no matter how eccentric, different or even gay.</p><p>As an adult, armed with the lessons my mum taught me, I found that quirky, somewhat eccentric individual I am and a world where people appreciated me for who I am. Though to be perfectly honest, during my childhood I often wondered if this mythical world really existed.</p> a3639a40-f37a-4859-ba30-3a6caa94114d https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/decb1d99-3a2b-4e92-b939-5074758989c7 Fri, 16 Jan 2026 22:57:12 +0000 3154 no full 41. Three Candles, Part Three 41. Three Candles, Part Three Stuart Merrill Most westerners think the end of Communism was the end of the story, but it wasn't, not for me, not for the Russians I loved and I left behind.

]]> <p>Most westerners think the end of Communism was the end of the story, but it wasn&#39;t, not for me, not for the Russians I loved and I left behind.</p> 59af5162-1b2f-4051-8ad8-1a78b73917a5 https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/5dc955c4-0036-43ec-9035-d2b7082283ec Sat, 03 Jan 2026 05:55:28 +0000 2605 no full 40. Three Candles, Part Two 40. Three Candles, Part Two Stuart Merrill This episode is about the perils and pleasures of being gay in the Soviet Union and post communist Russia, the necessity of dealing with the KGB, particularly as a gay man, and the day to day realities of survival in the violent chaos that was Russia at that time.

]]> <p><span>This episode is about the perils and pleasures of being gay in the Soviet Union and post communist Russia, the necessity of dealing with the KGB, particularly as a gay man, and the day to day realities of survival in the violent chaos that was Russia at that time.</span></p> 11ad8c71-f0ae-45d2-a5f2-b1adb2f6cb75 https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/a965732e-8047-40f8-899c-c23f66309ae8 Sat, 20 Dec 2025 04:21:18 +0000 2662 no full 39. Three Candles, Part One 39. Three Candles, Part One Stuart Merrill This story is about that frazzled time in Russia after the collapse of the Soviet Union and the murders of my family, my boyfriend and my best friend. I realized it was finally time for me to leave Moscow defeated and alone. I finally understood the only way to honor the Russians I loved, both living and dead, was to leave them behind. Someone had to live the happy, contented life they could only ever dream of.

]]> <p>This story is about that frazzled time in Russia after the collapse of the Soviet Union and the murders of my family, my boyfriend and my best friend. I realized it was finally time for me to leave Moscow defeated and alone. I finally understood the only way to honor the Russians I loved, both living and dead, was to leave them behind. Someone had to live the happy, contented life they could only ever dream of.</p> a14aa39e-05d4-4dca-86fd-a594c2bb3f55 https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/7567fdd7-3d03-4520-83e5-2b1875a86e95 Fri, 05 Dec 2025 22:11:56 +0000 2254 no full 38. Fascism For Dummies, Part Two 38. Fascism For Dummies, Part Two Stuart Merrill In this episode I compare Trumps successful tactics to Hitler during his early years as Chancellor of Germany.

]]> <p>In this episode I compare Trumps successful tactics to Hitler during his early years as Chancellor of Germany.</p> 37b13053-8086-4303-887c-1a65ebd424a2 https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/5cec75a2-8e22-4550-88e6-c28b4601846a Sat, 22 Nov 2025 02:25:35 +0000 1285 no full 37. Fascism for Dummies, Part One. 37. Fascism for Dummies, Part One. Stuart Merrill I know Nazi history quite well. I speak German and lived in Germany for several years. The parallels between Hitler's first few years as Chancellor of Germany and Trump today are stunning and terrifying. 

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948

What I'm most scared of is that time when one system of government starts to crumble and before the next system of government is fully in place to replace it. It's during the in-between time when liberals and minorities start getting arrested and then disappear, economies collapse, hyperinflation ensues, your life savings and your parents' retirement become worthless. There are homeless and starving people everywhere, chaos and violence become the norm.

I lived in Moscow during the collapse of the Soviet Union and watched the rise of the totalitarian regime that replaced communism and became today's Russia. My best friend and my boyfriend were both murdered in that in-between time. That's what I'm most scared of.  

I would have been among the first arrested in Nazi Germany. I'm a politically active liberal of Slavic descent. I'm terrified that my transgender friends and I are near the top of Trump's list as well. 

]]> <p>I know Nazi history quite well. I speak German and lived in Germany for several years. The parallels between Hitler&#39;s first few years as Chancellor of Germany and Trump today are stunning and terrifying. </p><p>I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:</p><p>https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948</p><p>What I&#39;m most scared of is that time when one system of government starts to crumble and before the next system of government is fully in place to replace it. It&#39;s during the in-between time when liberals and minorities start getting arrested and then disappear, economies collapse, hyperinflation ensues, your life savings and your parents&#39; retirement become worthless. There are homeless and starving people everywhere, chaos and violence become the norm.</p><p>I lived in Moscow during the collapse of the Soviet Union and watched the rise of the totalitarian regime that replaced communism and became today&#39;s Russia. My best friend and my boyfriend were both murdered in that in-between time. That&#39;s what I&#39;m most scared of.  </p><p>I would have been among the first arrested in Nazi Germany. I&#39;m a politically active liberal of Slavic descent. I&#39;m terrified that my transgender friends and I are near the top of Trump&#39;s list as well. </p> 07fa320d-fdc0-44f6-8081-8f2e99900557 https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/52f580ac-ba9d-43ab-891c-771adab6139c Sat, 01 Nov 2025 07:45:02 +0000 1182 no full 36. War Ravaged Portland 36. War Ravaged Portland Stuart Merrill Trump arrested twice as many people in his first 8 months as Hitler in his first 2 years (based on White House stats). Over 65% of them have zero criminal record (based on Cato Institute stats). They were arrested because of the color of their skin (based on fact).

This is what I told the right wing YouTube journalist, Nick Shirley, when he interviewed me at a peaceful Portland rally where we were demonstrating against the military occupation of placid Portland. Of course he edited out the truth, the facts and made me look like an idiot.  

His skillfully edited video made it look like Portland truly is a war zone, populated by crazy old eccentric fags and transvestites. I'm very proud to say the second half of that statement is wonderfully true.  

Of course you youngins are such savvy media consumers. You didn't fall for it. I've been getting attaboy's and fist bumps from perfect strangers all week long. 

So, I made my own YouTube video, a long and short version. 

Find links to both below along with a link to Nick Shirley's video.

Short:

https://youtube.com/shorts/gxNREvEmN34?si=pjtmS-d1wylO_XGf

Long:

https://youtu.be/yUwQfC3kzfI?si=2WAnFxxxsDRmwoht

Nick Shirley:

https://youtu.be/RKBvEKvDYIg?si=4VM2mJVRyy7HCnUL

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948

]]> <p>Trump arrested twice as many people in his first 8 months as Hitler in his first 2 years (based on White House stats). Over 65% of them have zero criminal record (based on Cato Institute stats). They were arrested because of the color of their skin (based on fact).</p><p>This is what I told the right wing YouTube journalist, Nick Shirley, when he interviewed me at a peaceful Portland rally where we were demonstrating against the military occupation of placid Portland. Of course he edited out the truth, the facts and made me look like an idiot.  </p><p>His skillfully edited video made it look like Portland truly is a war zone, populated by crazy old eccentric fags and transvestites. I&#39;m very proud to say the second half of that statement is wonderfully true.  </p><p>Of course you youngins are such savvy media consumers. You didn&#39;t fall for it. I&#39;ve been getting attaboy&#39;s and fist bumps from perfect strangers all week long. </p><p>So, I made my own YouTube video, a long and short version. </p><p>Find links to both below along with a link to Nick Shirley&#39;s video.</p><p>Short:</p><p>https://youtube.com/shorts/gxNREvEmN34?si=pjtmS-d1wylO_XGf</p><p>Long:</p><p>https://youtu.be/yUwQfC3kzfI?si=2WAnFxxxsDRmwoht</p><p>Nick Shirley:</p><p>https://youtu.be/RKBvEKvDYIg?si=4VM2mJVRyy7HCnUL</p><p>I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:</p><p>https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948</p> 0454e28a-6fc2-4031-a88a-c85d9bcbea59 https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/28109daf-418a-4d46-a65d-2c4eeb193d91 Fri, 10 Oct 2025 19:47:40 +0000 1327 no full 35. I Want to Recruit You 35. I Want to Recruit You Stuart Merrill What was it like coming out as gay during the Reagan years and at the very beginning of the AIDS crisis? It was frightening. Anti-gay violence was rampant and getting worse. Most of society, even our president only ever mentioned us in jokes. The men we loved were dying in droves. We were constantly harassed, fired, even murdered and no one seemed to care.

Instead of hiding we followed the teachings of Harvey Milk and America's great civil rights heroes. We came out loud and proud. Why?

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948

]]> <p>What was it like coming out as gay during the Reagan years and at the very beginning of the AIDS crisis? It was frightening. Anti-gay violence was rampant and getting worse. Most of society, even our president only ever mentioned us in jokes. The men we loved were dying in droves. We were constantly harassed, fired, even murdered and no one seemed to care.</p><p>Instead of hiding we followed the teachings of Harvey Milk and America&#39;s great civil rights heroes. We came out loud and proud. Why?</p><p>I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:</p><p>https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948</p> 1254a9f0-6a9d-4660-9b33-5b62ccb70b1a https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/b2ca434d-72ea-45a4-b46d-7d5e7511c5ce Sat, 27 Sep 2025 20:38:31 +0000 1673 no full 34. Momma Kerfuffle, Part Two 34. Momma Kerfuffle, Part Two Stuart Merrill In this episode my friend Uncle Kerfuffle's mom shares her very touching story of love and admiration for her transgender son. She recalls how she embraced her son's decision to transition and became his greatest supporter and advocate. In one particularly poignant quote she says "I'm not worried that someday my child is going to come to me and say: Why did you listen to me? Why did you believe me?"

There are a few very rare and wonderful people in this world who seem to have an almost magical ability to use their love, gentility and kindness as a powerful, even unstoppable force for change and good in this world. Momma Kerfuffle is one of those miraculous people. Her love reminds me of a gentle mountain brook cutting a tranquil path through a wall of solid stone.

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948

]]> <p>In this episode my friend Uncle Kerfuffle&#39;s mom shares her very touching story of love and admiration for her transgender son. She recalls how she embraced her son&#39;s decision to transition and became his greatest supporter and advocate. In one particularly poignant quote she says &#34;I&#39;m not worried that someday my child is going to come to me and say: Why did you listen to me? Why did you believe me?&#34;</p><p>There are a few very rare and wonderful people in this world who seem to have an almost magical ability to use their love, gentility and kindness as a powerful, even unstoppable force for change and good in this world. Momma Kerfuffle is one of those miraculous people. Her love reminds me of a gentle mountain brook cutting a tranquil path through a wall of solid stone.</p><p>I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:</p><p>https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948</p> d663af85-aa4b-427a-893a-8f27ca1f2314 https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/992732c8-095c-42ae-aa53-ee4b2428402a Sat, 06 Sep 2025 01:45:04 +0000 2418 no full 33. Momma Kerfuffle, Part One 33. Momma Kerfuffle, Part One Stuart Merrill In this episode my friend Uncle Kerfuffle's mom shares her very touching story of love and admiration for her transgender son. She recalls how she embraced her son's decision to transition and became his greatest supporter and advocate. In one particularly poignant quote she says "I'm not worried that someday my child is going to come to me and say: Why did you listen to me? Why did you believe me?"

There are a few very rare and wonderful people in this world who seem to have an almost magical ability to use their love, gentility and kindness as a powerful, even unstoppable force for change and good in this world. Momma Kerfuffle is one of those miraculous people. Her love reminds me of a gentle mountain brook cutting a tranquil path through a wall of solid stone.

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948

]]> <p>In this episode my friend Uncle Kerfuffle&#39;s mom shares her very touching story of love and admiration for her transgender son. She recalls how she embraced her son&#39;s decision to transition and became his greatest supporter and advocate. In one particularly poignant quote she says &#34;I&#39;m not worried that someday my child is going to come to me and say: Why did you listen to me? Why did you believe me?&#34;</p><p>There are a few very rare and wonderful people in this world who seem to have an almost magical ability to use their love, gentility and kindness as a powerful, even unstoppable force for change and good in this world. Momma Kerfuffle is one of those miraculous people. Her love reminds me of a gentle mountain brook cutting a tranquil path through a wall of solid stone.</p><p>I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:</p><p>https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948</p> 61a6de90-f036-40da-ac6d-6abe9ab2b018 https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/8701714d-5c4a-40ff-9c8b-a7df2d680c4e Sat, 23 Aug 2025 03:29:49 +0000 2457 no full 32. Conversation With A. Wolf, Part 2 32. Conversation With A. Wolf, Part 2 Stuart Merrill In this episode my fury, transgender friend Ali tells us about her move to Portland and her decision to transition. With honesty and openness she courageously gives us an enlightened understanding of what it's like being transgender in today's America.

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948

]]> <p>In this episode my fury, transgender friend Ali tells us about her move to Portland and her decision to transition. With honesty and openness she courageously gives us an enlightened understanding of what it&#39;s like being transgender in today&#39;s America.</p><p>I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:</p><p>https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948</p> dbbf8b11-e8f1-4350-b0df-97b08b305e12 https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/c09a80e4-4993-4244-a907-910e4e76c063 Sat, 02 Aug 2025 01:04:30 +0000 3129 no full 31. Conversation with A. Wolf, Part 1 31. Conversation with A. Wolf, Part 1 Stuart Merrill My furry friend Ali Wolf tells us about her personal journey as a transgender woman. Ali is by nature a very private person, however, in this interview she courageously opens a window to her soul. Ali discusses her struggles with body and gender dysphoria and how she decided to transition to her true and authentic self.

I am so very grateful to Ali for all she has taught me. If you want to better understand the trans experience this and the following episode are without a doubt can't miss podcasts. 

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

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]]> <p>My furry friend Ali Wolf tells us about her personal journey as a transgender woman. Ali is by nature a very private person, however, in this interview she courageously opens a window to her soul. Ali discusses her struggles with body and gender dysphoria and how she decided to transition to her true and authentic self.</p><p>I am so very grateful to Ali for all she has taught me. If you want to better understand the trans experience this and the following episode are without a doubt can&#39;t miss podcasts. </p><p>I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:</p><p>https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948</p> ad92136f-4975-4b31-9654-f99669b55327 https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/5cb6646e-73d4-446b-8811-3aae13585614 Sat, 19 Jul 2025 00:24:00 +0000 2994 no full Celebrate Diverse America Celebrate Diverse America Stuart Merrill I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

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")TODAY WE ARE ALL AMERICANS" Abraham Lincoln

Celebrate the true, wonderfully diverse America I love and am so proud to be a part of.

]]> <p>I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:</p><p>https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948</p><p>&#34;)TODAY WE ARE ALL AMERICANS&#34; Abraham Lincoln</p><p>Celebrate the true, wonderfully diverse America I love and am so proud to be a part of.</p> 9b144a64-cbfd-41a1-be89-0d53bdec3d96 https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/6f9edea0-b3a7-476b-91cc-7064d281de80 Fri, 04 Jul 2025 02:02:56 +0000 450 no full 30. Beyond The Jello Brick Road 30. Beyond The Jello Brick Road Stuart Merrill LIVE from Gilead, our new Trumptastic American dystopia. Where chaos reigns and Fox New still complains.

This is my humorous take on Trump and his MAGAmaniacs at the 100 day mark of Trump's presidency. 

Most importantly, the demonstrations are working. So, let's keep it up.

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We got this if we continue to REACH OUT to each other, SPEAK OUT FOR each and work together as a community to help ourselves and all Trump's other victims.

We're QUEER. We've survived much worse than this. We always come out the other side even more fierce and fabulous than before.

Queers always win by making the world a better, kinder, safer place not just for ourselves, for everyone. That's just what we do. That's who we are. 

See you at the demonstration bitch! 

]]> <p>LIVE from Gilead, our new Trumptastic American dystopia. Where chaos reigns and Fox New still complains.</p><p>This is my humorous take on Trump and his MAGAmaniacs at the 100 day mark of Trump&#39;s presidency. </p><p>Most importantly, the demonstrations are working. So, let&#39;s keep it up.</p><p>I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:</p><p>https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948</p><p>We got this if we continue to REACH OUT to each other, SPEAK OUT FOR each and work together as a community to help ourselves and all Trump&#39;s other victims.</p><p>We&#39;re QUEER. We&#39;ve survived much worse than this. We always come out the other side even more fierce and fabulous than before.</p><p>Queers always win by making the world a better, kinder, safer place not just for ourselves, for everyone. That&#39;s just what we do. That&#39;s who we are. </p><p>See you at the demonstration bitch! </p> 30ca8eff-6535-4645-8f00-b6134a161d12 https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/2615fc4b-2a47-4d6b-afa1-41765780790f Sat, 10 May 2025 05:19:50 +0000 1396 no full 29. Miss Information Votaire 29. Miss Information Votaire Stuart Merrill In this episode I ask the question how do we respond to this frightening wave of transphobia mania? Many of the people who most passionately oppose our transgender community do so out of ignorance. I explain the origin of many of the most dangerous misconceptions about the trans experience and counter these misconceptions with truth and facts.

Lets give the people of my adopted home, Portland Oregon, an opportunity stand up and speak out for our trans, nonbinary and drag community now when they need us most. I ask my listeners to help me organize a celebration of colorful lights, support and love for our magnificent transgender, nonbinary and drag communities.

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

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]]> <p>In this episode I ask the question how do we respond to this frightening wave of transphobia mania? Many of the people who most passionately oppose our transgender community do so out of ignorance. I explain the origin of many of the most dangerous misconceptions about the trans experience and counter these misconceptions with truth and facts.</p><p>Lets give the people of my adopted home, Portland Oregon, an opportunity stand up and speak out for our trans, nonbinary and drag community now when they need us most. I ask my listeners to help me organize a celebration of colorful lights, support and love for our magnificent transgender, nonbinary and drag communities.</p><p>I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:</p><p>https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948</p> 1e11742b-465c-499b-b2b7-0207686728cc https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/9389d310-7f58-431a-8c3c-f4e67bbf1c4d Wed, 26 Mar 2025 23:08:35 +0000 1135 no full 28. Uncle Kerfuffle's Trans Safari, Part Two 28. Uncle Kerfuffle's Trans Safari, Part Two Stuart Merrill This is the second half of a conversation with Uncle Kerfuffle. Uncle Kerfuffle is a good friend who, at the age of 13, was the first in his community and school to come out as trans.

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

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We discuss his journey, his wonderfully supportive family and some of his life experiences as a trans man.  

I also try to ask questions that help us learn how to talk about and better understand the trans experience.

I wish every trans child had a family like Uncle Kerfuffle's. They truly are the gold standard.

At the age of 19 Uncle Kerfuffle is very wise for his age and has some sage advice for those coming out as trans without their parents' and/or family's support: "Family doesn't end in blood. You can find people who will love you for you and you don't have to feel guilty for removing yourself from a place where you're not respected, or safe.  You need to put yourself first. You don't need to feel guilty for living your authentic life, especially if it makes other people uncomfortable. Because that's their problem, not yours.'

]]> <p>This is the second half of a conversation with Uncle Kerfuffle. Uncle Kerfuffle is a good friend who, at the age of 13, was the first in his community and school to come out as trans.</p><p>I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:</p><p>https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948</p><p>We discuss his journey, his wonderfully supportive family and some of his life experiences as a trans man.  </p><p>I also try to ask questions that help us learn how to talk about and better understand the trans experience.</p><p>I wish every trans child had a family like Uncle Kerfuffle&#39;s. They truly are the gold standard.</p><p>At the age of 19 Uncle Kerfuffle is very wise for his age and has some sage advice for those coming out as trans without their parents&#39; and/or family&#39;s support: &#34;Family doesn&#39;t end in blood. You can find people who will love you for you and you don&#39;t have to feel guilty for removing yourself from a place where you&#39;re not respected, or safe.  You need to put yourself first. You don&#39;t need to feel guilty for living your authentic life, especially if it makes other people uncomfortable. Because that&#39;s their problem, not yours.&#39;</p> 8a7c6c57-736d-439a-8266-39350135a3f1 https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/ad72271a-c38f-4d37-a7a4-1ebd4ccbbfe5 Fri, 07 Feb 2025 23:03:28 +0000 2782 no full 27. Uncle Kerfuffle's Trans Safari, Part One 27. Uncle Kerfuffle's Trans Safari, Part One Stuart Merrill I have a conversation with Uncle Kerfuffle in this episode. Uncle Kerfuffle is a good friend who, at the age of 13, was the first in his community and school to come out as trans.

We discuss his journey, his wonderfully supportive family and some of his life experiences as a trans man.  

I also try to ask questions that help us learn how to talk about and better understand the trans experience.

I wish every trans child had a family like Uncle Kerfuffle's. They truly are the gold standard.

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948

At the age of 19 Uncle Kerfuffle is very wise for his age and has some sage advice for those coming out as trans without their parents' and/or family's support: "Family doesn't end in blood. You can find people who will love you for you and you don't have to feel guilty for removing yourself from a place where you're not respected, or safe.  You need to put yourself first. You don't need to feel guilty for living your authentic life, especially if it makes other people uncomfortable. Because that's their problem, not yours.'

Please check out Episode 28 the second half of Uncle Kerfuffle's Trans Safari.  

]]> <p>I have a conversation with Uncle Kerfuffle in this episode. Uncle Kerfuffle is a good friend who, at the age of 13, was the first in his community and school to come out as trans.</p><p>We discuss his journey, his wonderfully supportive family and some of his life experiences as a trans man.  </p><p>I also try to ask questions that help us learn how to talk about and better understand the trans experience.</p><p>I wish every trans child had a family like Uncle Kerfuffle&#39;s. They truly are the gold standard.</p><p>I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:</p><p>https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948</p><p>At the age of 19 Uncle Kerfuffle is very wise for his age and has some sage advice for those coming out as trans without their parents&#39; and/or family&#39;s support: &#34;Family doesn&#39;t end in blood. You can find people who will love you for you and you don&#39;t have to feel guilty for removing yourself from a place where you&#39;re not respected, or safe.  You need to put yourself first. You don&#39;t need to feel guilty for living your authentic life, especially if it makes other people uncomfortable. Because that&#39;s their problem, not yours.&#39;</p><p>Please check out Episode 28 the second half of Uncle Kerfuffle&#39;s Trans Safari.  </p> adacc575-5efe-41df-98c4-8bcd2fcc8a37 https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/1a29a5c5-0819-42b4-9c12-7f713fe7e11a Sat, 01 Feb 2025 22:31:56 +0000 2856 no full 26. Bring Love Back 26. Bring Love Back Stuart Merrill When I realized Trump had won the election I hugged my boyfriend and told him I was sorry. It felt like I had let him down. “What do we do now?" I asked.

He answered, "Even in the depths of hatred we can always bring love back." 

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

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Bring love back means; share safety with those who seek it. Find boundaries for those who need them and raise gratitude from the smallest of places.  

If we all proudly live our lives out loud and treat everyone around us with kindness, love and respect, especially our perceived enemies. We will prove to them there is no need to fear us and absolutely no reason to hate us or hurt us.  

"Once they realize that we are indeed their children, that we are indeed everywhere, every myth, every lie, every innuendo will be destroyed once and all." -Harvey Milk

If someone needs our help, stand up for them. If they need our wisdom, be patient and kindly show them how to bring love back.

]]> <p>When I realized Trump had won the election I hugged my boyfriend and told him I was sorry. It felt like I had let him down. “What do we do now?&#34; I asked.</p><p>He answered, &#34;Even in the depths of hatred we can always bring love back.&#34; </p><p>I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:</p><p>https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948</p><p>Bring love back means; share safety with those who seek it. Find boundaries for those who need them and raise gratitude from the smallest of places.  </p><p>If we all proudly live our lives out loud and treat everyone around us with kindness, love and respect, especially our perceived enemies. We will prove to them there is no need to fear us and absolutely no reason to hate us or hurt us.  </p><p>&#34;Once they realize that we are indeed their children, that we are indeed everywhere, every myth, every lie, every innuendo will be destroyed once and all.&#34; -Harvey Milk</p><p>If someone needs our help, stand up for them. If they need our wisdom, be patient and kindly show them how to bring love back.</p> e1cc042e-e0a3-4a94-ab79-3e530e1a979e https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/b40b8e4e-81d1-4f19-bf36-6511e7dd0eb8 Wed, 18 Dec 2024 01:12:12 +0000 1226 no full 25. Meds for 'Mo's 25. Meds for 'Mo's Stuart Merrill In this episode I recall lobbying the US Congress and the Utah State Legislature to pay for HIV meds.  

Mormon homosexuals on the downlow and the tragically large population of LGBTQ+ kids living on Utah's streets were often not tested for HIV until they had full blown AIDS. They urgently needed HIV medication to stay alive, but there was no funding to pay for it. 

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948

]]> <p>In this episode I recall lobbying the US Congress and the Utah State Legislature to pay for HIV meds.  </p><p>Mormon homosexuals on the downlow and the tragically large population of LGBTQ+ kids living on Utah&#39;s streets were often not tested for HIV until they had full blown AIDS. They urgently needed HIV medication to stay alive, but there was no funding to pay for it. </p><p>I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:</p><p>https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948</p> 9e3ca53e-60d3-4167-95d0-c616455f0b17 https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/9f8fbb92-1723-4111-830c-1ef407c9f727 Fri, 06 Dec 2024 17:53:52 +0000 2055 no full 24. Mormon Meth-Head Moms, Part Two 24. Mormon Meth-Head Moms, Part Two Stuart Merrill If I was going to be successful as a liberal lobbyist in America's most conservative state asking Mormons for money to save the lives of a bunch of people with AIDS. I needed to do a serious anthropological study of how Utah's bizarre, freakishly repressed society thinks and more importantly how they communicate.

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

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]]> <p>If I was going to be successful as a liberal lobbyist in America&#39;s most conservative state asking Mormons for money to save the lives of a bunch of people with AIDS. I needed to do a serious anthropological study of how Utah&#39;s bizarre, freakishly repressed society thinks and more importantly how they communicate.</p><p>I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:</p><p>https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948</p> 661971b1-2994-41d6-b922-3ff9f7e10d34 https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/fac1065f-e455-4dbc-b01f-ee8449213194 Fri, 01 Nov 2024 19:52:31 +0000 1467 no full 23. Mormon Meth-Head Moms, Part One 23. Mormon Meth-Head Moms, Part One Stuart Merrill to live in Utah in my 40s was, well differnt. Trying to be true to myself in the ultra-conformist, freakishly bizarre pseudo reality of Utah was as challenging as it was lonely.  

I began working as a lobbyist, asking the Utah State Legislature for money to pay for HIV medication. I studied FOX news and BYUTV to learn how to effectively communicate in America's most conservative state, oh yeah and I got run over by a Mormon soccer mom on meth. 

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

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]]> <p>to live in Utah in my 40s was, well differnt. Trying to be true to myself in the ultra-conformist, freakishly bizarre pseudo reality of Utah was as challenging as it was lonely.  </p><p>I began working as a lobbyist, asking the Utah State Legislature for money to pay for HIV medication. I studied FOX news and BYUTV to learn how to effectively communicate in America&#39;s most conservative state, oh yeah and I got run over by a Mormon soccer mom on meth. </p><p>I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:</p><p>https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948</p> 0de73687-b6f0-49a1-b827-e410b15d2829 https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/19fcea15-b784-42d1-82cb-597e5c8c8d5f Mon, 21 Oct 2024 18:09:22 +0000 1429 no full Terrifying Future Past Terrifying Future Past Stuart Merrill HE IS TALKING ABOUT YOU

Trump says he will use the military and get rough with Americans who disagree with him. What will it take to get your attention? What will it take for you to understand he is talking about you.

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

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]]> <p>HE IS TALKING ABOUT YOU</p><p>Trump says he will use the military and get rough with Americans who disagree with him. What will it take to get your attention? What will it take for you to understand he is talking about you.</p><p>I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:</p><p>https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948</p> 75af2ff3-dcbb-4ce4-a09f-5a38e5cb7815 https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/93205f73-aa2a-4c30-970c-46cad18cd44e Thu, 17 Oct 2024 00:26:09 +0000 270 no full 22. Utahpian Soviet Zionist Republic, USZR 22. Utahpian Soviet Zionist Republic, USZR Stuart Merrill In this episode I compare Mormonism to Communism and it's the most fun I've ever had writing. I explain everything you always wanted to know about Mormonism, including a few secrets the Mormons would rather you didn't know.

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

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]]> <p>In this episode I compare Mormonism to Communism and it&#39;s the most fun I&#39;ve ever had writing. I explain everything you always wanted to know about Mormonism, including a few secrets the Mormons would rather you didn&#39;t know.</p><p>I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:</p><p>https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948</p> d62b42b1-54d1-4deb-b12a-a633cf268360 https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/ef3cccae-f7b7-4e33-b13e-2b7eef0332a0 Mon, 16 Sep 2024 20:46:35 +0000 1993 no full 21. Mir (Peace) 21. Mir (Peace) Stuart Merrill Once I finally escaped Utah my life just blossomed. For the next 20 years one amazing opportunity after another just fell in my lap.  

I was a double agent spying on the KGB for the Americans in Munich, Berlin and Moscow. Then I then moved to NYC and found my dream job in the news industry, traveling throughout Europe, Africa and Austral-Asia, but while living in Sydney it all came to an abrupt end. 

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

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Suddenly, I found myself unemployed, sick with chronic fatigue as a result of my HIV medication, and self-medicating with meth.  

After 9/11 as America rushed into an unjust war. I apologized to a Muslim friend for my countrymen. Then I returned to Utah to sober up and be near my family. When the USA attacked Iraq I adopted a dog and named her "Mir" the Russian word for "peace." 

I discovered the Bush Administration was paying for HIV medication in Africa, but not in smaller American states where people were still dying needlessly. So, I founded The Campaign2EndAIDS Utah and started lobbying for state and federal funding to pay for HIV/AIDS medication.

]]> <p>Once I finally escaped Utah my life just blossomed. For the next 20 years one amazing opportunity after another just fell in my lap.  </p><p>I was a double agent spying on the KGB for the Americans in Munich, Berlin and Moscow. Then I then moved to NYC and found my dream job in the news industry, traveling throughout Europe, Africa and Austral-Asia, but while living in Sydney it all came to an abrupt end. </p><p>I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:</p><p>https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948</p><p>Suddenly, I found myself unemployed, sick with chronic fatigue as a result of my HIV medication, and self-medicating with meth.  </p><p>After 9/11 as America rushed into an unjust war. I apologized to a Muslim friend for my countrymen. Then I returned to Utah to sober up and be near my family. When the USA attacked Iraq I adopted a dog and named her &#34;Mir&#34; the Russian word for &#34;peace.&#34; </p><p>I discovered the Bush Administration was paying for HIV medication in Africa, but not in smaller American states where people were still dying needlessly. So, I founded The Campaign2EndAIDS Utah and started lobbying for state and federal funding to pay for HIV/AIDS medication.</p> b62fa539-310d-4a0f-8806-242eeeae028e https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/de6f700b-716b-453b-b40c-eb9f73c0ceef Mon, 26 Aug 2024 01:38:25 +0000 1489 no full 20. Don't Let Them Burn It All Down 20. Don't Let Them Burn It All Down Stuart Merrill We, the majority of decent Americans, must stand together as one once again. We are literally on the cusp of losing everything old LGBTQ+ activists like me worked our entire lives to create for you, the younger generations. 

If you only ever listen to one of my podcasts, please listen to this one.

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

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In this episode I recall during the tragedies of the AIDS crisis how we all worked together. We had no choice but to fight for our rights while fighting for our very lives.

Princess Diana, through one simple gesture of basic human decency, jolted the world's conscience by playing with a baby who was born with AIDS.

After years of struggling alone, finally, one by one the vast majority of good and loving people came together as one united force.  We established charities to feed the sick and hold the hands of the dying, so they knew they weren't alone and were still loved and valued. 

We, the majority of good and decent people in America, must stand up as one again NOW, before it is too late and before everything we've worked 60+ years to achieve is gone in one fatal fell swoop.

]]> <p>We, the majority of decent Americans, must stand together as one once again. We are literally on the cusp of losing everything old LGBTQ+ activists like me worked our entire lives to create for you, the younger generations. </p><p>If you only ever listen to one of my podcasts, please listen to this one.</p><p>I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:</p><p>https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948</p><p>In this episode I recall during the tragedies of the AIDS crisis how we all worked together. We had no choice but to fight for our rights while fighting for our very lives.</p><p>Princess Diana, through one simple gesture of basic human decency, jolted the world&#39;s conscience by playing with a baby who was born with AIDS.</p><p>After years of struggling alone, finally, one by one the vast majority of good and loving people came together as one united force.  We established charities to feed the sick and hold the hands of the dying, so they knew they weren&#39;t alone and were still loved and valued. </p><p>We, the majority of good and decent people in America, must stand up as one again NOW, before it is too late and before everything we&#39;ve worked 60+ years to achieve is gone in one fatal fell swoop.</p> b5e5c63d-b284-4e32-994b-b13f7dd98b39 https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/5194da82-0160-41da-a47f-435a136c835d Thu, 25 Jul 2024 03:16:10 +0000 3088 no full 19. The Heathens on the Lake 19. The Heathens on the Lake Stuart Merrill I this episode I recall how my family earned the nickname "The Heathens on the Lake." We were the only no practicing Mormons on Salem Lake in Utah Valley, the sanctimonious sanctum sanctorum of Mormon religiosity.

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

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I also discuss my family's surprising reaction to my being gay. Our very religious Mormon grandparents were born in rural Utah in the late 1890s and they were fine with me being gay. My parents were born in the 1920s and they were also fine. My siblings' reactions, however, were and continue to be surprising.

During WWII my dad served in the South Pacific as a tail gunner on a B-17 bomber. His plane was tasked with filming the bombing of Nagasaki at treetop level three minutes after the atomic bomb was dropped. He also took part in the battle of Okinawa and the firebombing of Tokyo. These experiences left an indelible mark on my father.

Upon returning from the war dad befriended a Japanese medical student named Dan Oniki. We were very fortunate to have Dr, Oniki as our family doctor. In my favorite story about my dad, I remember how he helped the Onikis overcome the anti-Japanese sentiment that existed in Utah after the war.

My dad's superpower was having the courage to be a compassionate, kind and gentle man by choice. He could move mountains with the power of his kindness, like a gentle mountain brook cutting a tranquil path through solid stone.

]]> <p>I this episode I recall how my family earned the nickname &#34;The Heathens on the Lake.&#34; We were the only no practicing Mormons on Salem Lake in Utah Valley, the sanctimonious sanctum sanctorum of Mormon religiosity.</p><p>I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:</p><p>https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948</p><p>I also discuss my family&#39;s surprising reaction to my being gay. Our very religious Mormon grandparents were born in rural Utah in the late 1890s and they were fine with me being gay. My parents were born in the 1920s and they were also fine. My siblings&#39; reactions, however, were and continue to be surprising.</p><p>During WWII my dad served in the South Pacific as a tail gunner on a B-17 bomber. His plane was tasked with filming the bombing of Nagasaki at treetop level three minutes after the atomic bomb was dropped. He also took part in the battle of Okinawa and the firebombing of Tokyo. These experiences left an indelible mark on my father.</p><p>Upon returning from the war dad befriended a Japanese medical student named Dan Oniki. We were very fortunate to have Dr, Oniki as our family doctor. In my favorite story about my dad, I remember how he helped the Onikis overcome the anti-Japanese sentiment that existed in Utah after the war.</p><p>My dad&#39;s superpower was having the courage to be a compassionate, kind and gentle man by choice. He could move mountains with the power of his kindness, like a gentle mountain brook cutting a tranquil path through solid stone.</p> 75b99bfe-df67-4c7f-a282-c9961ab5e33b https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/33d5e0fb-89e0-40bd-9e29-a10b055e8c0c Sat, 29 Jun 2024 23:13:23 +0000 2131 no full 18. I Prefer Sis With an S 18. I Prefer Sis With an S Stuart Merrill I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

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In this episode I remember my painful and at times rather humorous psychological journey surviving child abuse. I started life as a happy and very flamboyant little boy who enjoyed playing dress up with his mummy's cloths once in a while. When I turned 12 my Mormon Bishop commanded the men in my life to fulfill their spiritual duty and beat the queer out of me. I bribed myself to survive by promising myself I would never forget how I was feeling and what I was thinking. I swore someday I would write it all down so children in my future world would never have to endure such pain. Sadly, many children, including Mormon children, are still suffering as I once did. I pray this podcast will help them.

Dedicated to Justin, the man I love. If I ever grow up, I want to be a joyful old man who never stops fighting for equality for ALL. Justin's relentless joy gives me the inspiration and determination to never stop.

]]> <p>I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:</p><p>https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948</p><p>In this episode I remember my painful and at times rather humorous psychological journey surviving child abuse. I started life as a happy and very flamboyant little boy who enjoyed playing dress up with his mummy&#39;s cloths once in a while. When I turned 12 my Mormon Bishop commanded the men in my life to fulfill their spiritual duty and beat the queer out of me. I bribed myself to survive by promising myself I would never forget how I was feeling and what I was thinking. I swore someday I would write it all down so children in my future world would never have to endure such pain. Sadly, many children, including Mormon children, are still suffering as I once did. I pray this podcast will help them.</p><p>Dedicated to Justin, the man I love. If I ever grow up, I want to be a joyful old man who never stops fighting for equality for ALL. Justin&#39;s relentless joy gives me the inspiration and determination to never stop.</p> 314a6eca-fb64-4b46-a7a3-0527654c9a3f https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/e1853a60-cf86-4cee-8ab3-ea014ee04fe9 Thu, 02 May 2024 19:54:45 +0000 2296 no full 17. Sisyphus In Stilettos 17. Sisyphus In Stilettos Stuart Merrill In this episode I recall the memorable and exceedingly enjoyable months I shared an apartment with the splendid, the singularly spectacular legendary superstar Candis Cayne. The Princess Diana of drag. 

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

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Although they rarely get the credit for it, the drag queens and trans community were the first to start the fight for LGBTQ+ rights in America, and the last to reap the benefits. Hell, they are still fighting. 

While many in the LGBTQ+ community sit back and enjoy our entitled lives, the drag queens, transsexuals and nonbinary community bequeathed us, they are still fighting for respect even from within our own community. They are still fighting for proper health care and once again they are fighting for the very right to exist in places like Florida, Tennessee, Texas and Montana. 

They are still pushing the proverbial boulder up the hill in high heels and they still look absolutely glorious while doing it!  

The drag queens and trans community are still and have always been our community's Sisyphus in Stilettos.

]]> <p>In this episode I recall the memorable and exceedingly enjoyable months I shared an apartment with the splendid, the singularly spectacular legendary superstar Candis Cayne. The Princess Diana of drag. </p><p>I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:</p><p>https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948</p><p>Although they rarely get the credit for it, the drag queens and trans community were the first to start the fight for LGBTQ+ rights in America, and the last to reap the benefits. Hell, they are still fighting. </p><p>While many in the LGBTQ+ community sit back and enjoy our entitled lives, the drag queens, transsexuals and nonbinary community bequeathed us, they are still fighting for respect even from within our own community. They are still fighting for proper health care and once again they are fighting for the very right to exist in places like Florida, Tennessee, Texas and Montana. </p><p>They are still pushing the proverbial boulder up the hill in high heels and they still look absolutely glorious while doing it!  </p><p>The drag queens and trans community are still and have always been our community&#39;s Sisyphus in Stilettos.</p> 3b1129fd-65a0-41f1-9844-2a28807e68ce https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/5667aa16-9832-45e3-bbf2-60a9b116def9 Mon, 04 Mar 2024 23:20:56 +0000 1404 no full 16. A Sleaze Ball in Sydney 16. A Sleaze Ball in Sydney Stuart Merrill As you may have noticed I rewrote and recorded this episode about my mum, but now its twice as long as it was before. I've divided it into two episodes, 10.1 and 10.2. I put a great deal of love into rewriting these two episodes about my mum and intentionally recorded them on my birthday. 

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

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When the Mormons in Utah saw the way my Russian Mother was raising me they rolled their eyes and called her "That Crazy Foreign Woman." Born Veronika Aleksandrovna Shchipnova to Russian parents in British Columbia. Mum met my father, converted to Mormonism and moved to Utah to marry the golden boy of one of Utah's most prominent families.

Mum was always the smartest, best educated, best looking and by far the best dressed person in every room. She looked like Ava Gardener with curly black hair and stunning blue eyes. Women hated her and men were terrified of her. Everyone from our cousin the governor on down knew her well enough to admire and fear her.

For a woman in misogynistic Mormondom, in the 1950s, 60s and 70s, my mum accomplished some truly amazing things, not the least of which was to raise me to thrive in the normal, non-Mormon world.

She taught me life wasn't about conformity, especially in Utah. It was about discovering who you are and learning to love the person you are meant to be, no matter how eccentric, different or even gay.

As an adult, armed with the lessons my mum taught me, I found that quirky, somewhat eccentric individual I am and a world where people appreciated me for who I am.

Though to be perfectly honest, during my childhood I often wondered if this mythical world really existed.

]]> <p>As you may have noticed I rewrote and recorded this episode about my mum, but now its twice as long as it was before. I&#39;ve divided it into two episodes, 10.1 and 10.2. I put a great deal of love into rewriting these two episodes about my mum and intentionally recorded them on my birthday. </p><p>I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:</p><p>https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948</p><p>When the Mormons in Utah saw the way my Russian Mother was raising me they rolled their eyes and called her &#34;That Crazy Foreign Woman.&#34; Born Veronika Aleksandrovna Shchipnova to Russian parents in British Columbia. Mum met my father, converted to Mormonism and moved to Utah to marry the golden boy of one of Utah&#39;s most prominent families.</p><p>Mum was always the smartest, best educated, best looking and by far the best dressed person in every room. She looked like Ava Gardener with curly black hair and stunning blue eyes. Women hated her and men were terrified of her. Everyone from our cousin the governor on down knew her well enough to admire and fear her.</p><p>For a woman in misogynistic Mormondom, in the 1950s, 60s and 70s, my mum accomplished some truly amazing things, not the least of which was to raise me to thrive in the normal, non-Mormon world.</p><p>She taught me life wasn&#39;t about conformity, especially in Utah. It was about discovering who you are and learning to love the person you are meant to be, no matter how eccentric, different or even gay.</p><p>As an adult, armed with the lessons my mum taught me, I found that quirky, somewhat eccentric individual I am and a world where people appreciated me for who I am.</p><p>Though to be perfectly honest, during my childhood I often wondered if this mythical world really existed.</p> 37f65efb-012d-401f-ac57-4adf204c9093 https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/85dc73e2-b69e-4e32-af81-4fade7c8de05 Thu, 21 Dec 2023 23:30:14 +0000 1231 no full 10.2 That Crazy Foreign Woman, Part 2 10.2 That Crazy Foreign Woman, Part 2 Stuart Merrill As you may have noticed I rewrote and recorded this episode about my mum, but now its twice as long as it was before. I've divided it into two episodes, 10.1 and 10.2. I put a great deal of love into rewriting these two episodes about my mum and intentionally recorded them on my birthday. 

When the Mormons in Utah saw the way my Russian Mother was raising me they rolled their eyes and called her "That Crazy Foreign Woman." Born Veronika Aleksandrovna Shchipnova to Russian parents in British Columbia. Mum met my father, converted to Mormonism and moved to Utah to marry the golden boy of one of Utah's most prominent families.

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948

Mum was always the smartest, best educated, best looking and by far the best dressed person in every room. She looked like Ava Gardener with curly black hair and stunning blue eyes. Women hated her and men were terrified of her. Everyone from our cousin the governor on down knew her well enough to admire and fear her.

For a woman in misogynistic Mormondom, in the 1950s, 60s and 70s, my mum accomplished some truly amazing things, not the least of which was to raise me to thrive in the normal, non-Mormon world.

She taught me life wasn't about conformity, especially in Utah. It was about discovering who you are and learning to love the person you are meant to be, no matter how eccentric, different or even gay.

As an adult, armed with the lessons my mum taught me, I found that quirky, somewhat eccentric individual I am and a world where people appreciated me for who I am.

Though to be perfectly honest, during my childhood I often wondered if this mythical world really existed.

]]> <p>As you may have noticed I rewrote and recorded this episode about my mum, but now its twice as long as it was before. I&#39;ve divided it into two episodes, 10.1 and 10.2. I put a great deal of love into rewriting these two episodes about my mum and intentionally recorded them on my birthday. </p><p>When the Mormons in Utah saw the way my Russian Mother was raising me they rolled their eyes and called her &#34;That Crazy Foreign Woman.&#34; Born Veronika Aleksandrovna Shchipnova to Russian parents in British Columbia. Mum met my father, converted to Mormonism and moved to Utah to marry the golden boy of one of Utah&#39;s most prominent families.</p><p>I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:</p><p>https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948</p><p>Mum was always the smartest, best educated, best looking and by far the best dressed person in every room. She looked like Ava Gardener with curly black hair and stunning blue eyes. Women hated her and men were terrified of her. Everyone from our cousin the governor on down knew her well enough to admire and fear her.</p><p>For a woman in misogynistic Mormondom, in the 1950s, 60s and 70s, my mum accomplished some truly amazing things, not the least of which was to raise me to thrive in the normal, non-Mormon world.</p><p>She taught me life wasn&#39;t about conformity, especially in Utah. It was about discovering who you are and learning to love the person you are meant to be, no matter how eccentric, different or even gay.</p><p>As an adult, armed with the lessons my mum taught me, I found that quirky, somewhat eccentric individual I am and a world where people appreciated me for who I am.</p><p>Though to be perfectly honest, during my childhood I often wondered if this mythical world really existed.</p> ccf7984a-5d43-4d2b-9095-8f8046649ff4 https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/bb7be6e0-bb33-4490-81d5-47feda8f1365 Thu, 21 Dec 2023 23:26:30 +0000 1346 no full 15. It Was Just Fags, Who Cares? 15. It Was Just Fags, Who Cares? Stuart Merrill The age of death and AIDS was finally over. I had always imagined a huge celebration, like when we won World War II, but there wasn't so much as a whimper. After all It Was Just Fags, So Who Cares?

In the first six years of the AIDS crisis not one single dollar was spent for research, or a cure in America because It Was Just Fags, So Who Cares?

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

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In the first few weeks of the AIDS crisis when there were only 2000 dead Dr. Matilda Krim pleaded with her good friend President Ronald Reagan to immediately fund research into the mysterious disease killing the gay community before it became a pandemic and spread to the wider community. Reagan declined.

However, three days after the first straight person was diagnosed with HIV President Reagan declared AIDS a national emergency and poured tens of millions of dollars into finding a cure.

By that time AIDS had already become a worldwide pandemic that would ultimately kill 40 million people.

Imagine, how many tens of millions of lives would have been saved were it not for President Reagan an America's historical hatred of homosexuals. After all It Was Just Fags, So Who Cares?

]]> <p>The age of death and AIDS was finally over. I had always imagined a huge celebration, like when we won World War II, but there wasn&#39;t so much as a whimper. After all It Was Just Fags, So Who Cares?</p><p>In the first six years of the AIDS crisis not one single dollar was spent for research, or a cure in America because It Was Just Fags, So Who Cares?</p><p>I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:</p><p>https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948</p><p>In the first few weeks of the AIDS crisis when there were only 2000 dead Dr. Matilda Krim pleaded with her good friend President Ronald Reagan to immediately fund research into the mysterious disease killing the gay community before it became a pandemic and spread to the wider community. Reagan declined.</p><p>However, three days after the first straight person was diagnosed with HIV President Reagan declared AIDS a national emergency and poured tens of millions of dollars into finding a cure.</p><p>By that time AIDS had already become a worldwide pandemic that would ultimately kill 40 million people.</p><p>Imagine, how many tens of millions of lives would have been saved were it not for President Reagan an America&#39;s historical hatred of homosexuals. After all It Was Just Fags, So Who Cares?</p> 8c93cbe7-9125-45fc-8512-490d0478409d https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/083f9997-3297-4de7-bb35-fadc7be56def Wed, 08 Nov 2023 00:01:00 +0000 1224 no full 14. My Parents Were The Mormon Barbie & Ken 14. My Parents Were The Mormon Barbie & Ken Stuart Merrill At the age of 12 I was an effeminate spoiled child born into a prominent Mormon family. Using the voice of the terrified, confused child I was, I describe what it felt like when my Mormon Bishop commanded my Scout Master and older brother to "beat the queer out of me."

Grown men were suddenly beating me and calling me a "faggot," but I still had no idea what that was. After 5 years of violent child abuse I finally found my unique way to say "fuck you" to the Mormon God.

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948

]]> <p>At the age of 12 I was an effeminate spoiled child born into a prominent Mormon family. Using the voice of the terrified, confused child I was, I describe what it felt like when my Mormon Bishop commanded my Scout Master and older brother to &#34;beat the queer out of me.&#34;</p><p>Grown men were suddenly beating me and calling me a &#34;faggot,&#34; but I still had no idea what that was. After 5 years of violent child abuse I finally found my unique way to say &#34;fuck you&#34; to the Mormon God.</p><p>I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:</p><p>https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948</p> 06f1dfd4-5f88-496e-a5b3-a52d518f2623 https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/160d4be2-aa44-4fe0-8fba-2b6a576f8a54 Wed, 26 Jul 2023 19:09:58 +0000 1113 no full 13. My Insidious, Self-Reflexive Racism 13. My Insidious, Self-Reflexive Racism Stuart Merrill Until Americans of all races are able to admit our inner most insidious racist thoughts and sit down and openly discuss them with each other we're stuck.

I'm an old white man, who happens to be gay, but I've come to realize I'm an insidious racist against old white men. Imagine the existential conundrum I find myself in, I'm an insidious racist against myself.

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

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]]> <p>Until Americans of all races are able to admit our inner most insidious racist thoughts and sit down and openly discuss them with each other we&#39;re stuck.</p><p>I&#39;m an old white man, who happens to be gay, but I&#39;ve come to realize I&#39;m an insidious racist against old white men. Imagine the existential conundrum I find myself in, I&#39;m an insidious racist against myself.</p><p>I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:</p><p>https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948</p> 630293dd-b1f5-4aa4-981b-065bc5a93ad8 https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/ebbe7a04-dfec-4d40-96e7-06e1cfb1f9b4 Sat, 20 May 2023 07:11:31 +0000 1496 no full 12. Generation Miracle 12. Generation Miracle Stuart Merrill Recently I was asked to give an address to some middle school students in Oregon City about the importance of embracing diversity. I shared with them our nation's history of hate speech, turning into discrimination and violence against the LGBTQ+ and against all marginalized communities in our society. I also told them my own personal experiences as the victim, the focus of America's hatred, discrimination and violence.

When I look at this generation what I see is the miracle, a miracle I and many of my generation devoted our lives to create. They are a beautiful miracle of diversity I never thought I would live long enough to see. But this miracle is under threat from the recent increase of racist and anti-LGBTQ rhetoric and violence. 

I asked these middle school students to help me defend the beautiful miracle of diversity they are and remember, never forget the high cost of hatred.

]]> <p>Recently I was asked to give an address to some middle school students in Oregon City about the importance of embracing diversity. I shared with them our nation&#39;s history of hate speech, turning into discrimination and violence against the LGBTQ+ and against all marginalized communities in our society. I also told them my own personal experiences as the victim, the focus of America&#39;s hatred, discrimination and violence.</p><p>When I look at this generation what I see is the miracle, a miracle I and many of my generation devoted our lives to create. They are a beautiful miracle of diversity I never thought I would live long enough to see. But this miracle is under threat from the recent increase of racist and anti-LGBTQ rhetoric and violence. </p><p>I asked these middle school students to help me defend the beautiful miracle of diversity they are and remember, never forget the high cost of hatred.</p> 4ef102d0-662d-4122-856c-ecd46e7246dc https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/0108b1b2-e9a6-4c97-bff7-794c37456441 Fri, 17 Mar 2023 02:21:03 +0000 1684 no full 11. Nils 11. Nils Stuart Merrill Nils was a symphony in gravitas. Of all my departed friends I will always miss Nils the most. In this episode I recall our last week together on Fire Island and the discussion of our favorite novel "Damian," by Herman Hess.

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948

]]> <p>Nils was a symphony in gravitas. Of all my departed friends I will always miss Nils the most. In this episode I recall our last week together on Fire Island and the discussion of our favorite novel &#34;Damian,&#34; by Herman Hess.</p><p>I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:</p><p>https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948</p> b3765447-218d-4146-ba18-358c7addab85 https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/31bb026d-f1f9-4aeb-ba4a-6291d918b6b0 Fri, 25 Nov 2022 20:40:22 +0000 1404 no full 10.1 That Crazy Foreign Woman, Part 1 10.1 That Crazy Foreign Woman, Part 1 Stuart Merrill As you may have noticed I rewrote and recorded this episode about my mum, but now its twice as long as it was before. I've divided it into two episodes, 10.1 and 10.2. I put a great deal of love into rewriting these two episodes about my mum and intentionally recorded them on my birthday. 

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948

When the Mormons in Utah saw the way my Russian Mother was raising me they rolled their eyes and called her "That Crazy Foreign Woman." Born Veronika Aleksandrovna Shchipnova to Russian parents in British Columbia. Mum met my father, converted to Mormonism and moved to Utah to marry the golden boy of one of Utah's most prominent families.

Mum was always the smartest, best educated, best looking and by far the best dressed person in every room. She looked like Ava Gardener with curly black hair and stunning blue eyes. Women hated her and men were terrified of her. Everyone from our cousin the governor on down knew her well enough to admire and fear her.

For a woman in misogynistic Mormondom, in the 1950s, 60s and 70s, my mum accomplished some truly amazing things, not the least of which was to raise me to thrive in the normal, non-Mormon world.

She taught me life wasn't about conformity, especially in Utah. It was about discovering who you are and learning to love the person you are meant to be, no matter how eccentric, different or even gay.

As an adult, armed with the lessons my mum taught me, I found that quirky, somewhat eccentric individual I am and a world where people appreciated me for who I am.

Though to be perfectly honest, during my childhood I often wondered if this mythical world really existed.

]]> <p>As you may have noticed I rewrote and recorded this episode about my mum, but now its twice as long as it was before. I&#39;ve divided it into two episodes, 10.1 and 10.2. I put a great deal of love into rewriting these two episodes about my mum and intentionally recorded them on my birthday. </p><p>I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:</p><p>https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948</p><p>When the Mormons in Utah saw the way my Russian Mother was raising me they rolled their eyes and called her &#34;That Crazy Foreign Woman.&#34; Born Veronika Aleksandrovna Shchipnova to Russian parents in British Columbia. Mum met my father, converted to Mormonism and moved to Utah to marry the golden boy of one of Utah&#39;s most prominent families.</p><p>Mum was always the smartest, best educated, best looking and by far the best dressed person in every room. She looked like Ava Gardener with curly black hair and stunning blue eyes. Women hated her and men were terrified of her. Everyone from our cousin the governor on down knew her well enough to admire and fear her.</p><p>For a woman in misogynistic Mormondom, in the 1950s, 60s and 70s, my mum accomplished some truly amazing things, not the least of which was to raise me to thrive in the normal, non-Mormon world.</p><p>She taught me life wasn&#39;t about conformity, especially in Utah. It was about discovering who you are and learning to love the person you are meant to be, no matter how eccentric, different or even gay.</p><p>As an adult, armed with the lessons my mum taught me, I found that quirky, somewhat eccentric individual I am and a world where people appreciated me for who I am.</p><p>Though to be perfectly honest, during my childhood I often wondered if this mythical world really existed.</p> d6436c1b-e716-4ef7-8136-d04627b7dcb9 https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/50e49baa-bc86-4abf-b83b-70ae34426ed4 Tue, 18 Oct 2022 05:22:10 +0000 1271 no full 9. Cache Valley 9. Cache Valley Stuart Merrill Early Mormon history of my polygamist Mormon Family who first settled Cache Valley in Northern Utah and southern Idaho. I recall some of my fondest childhood memories in the lovely little Norman Rockwell community of Preston, Idaho, the town of Napolean Dynamite fame, which is literally built over the mass grave of the worst Native American Massacre in our nation's history, the Bear River Massacre. There was also a congressional investigation into the continued practice of polygamy in my family and the subsequent arrest of our family patriarch, Apostle Marriner Wood Merrill. 

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

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]]> <p>Early Mormon history of my polygamist Mormon Family who first settled Cache Valley in Northern Utah and southern Idaho. I recall some of my fondest childhood memories in the lovely little Norman Rockwell community of Preston, Idaho, the town of Napolean Dynamite fame, which is literally built over the mass grave of the worst Native American Massacre in our nation&#39;s history, the Bear River Massacre. There was also a congressional investigation into the continued practice of polygamy in my family and the subsequent arrest of our family patriarch, Apostle Marriner Wood Merrill. </p><p>I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:</p><p>https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948</p> 51e3a4e9-995c-41c5-beb4-bf0a51661513 https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/98674a81-4988-46c8-90ae-3f6a48dd72e9 Wed, 01 Jun 2022 06:18:30 +0000 1542 no full 8. Tell Your Story 8. Tell Your Story Stuart Merrill How do you make privileged, heterosexual, white Americans understand what it feels like to watch a man beaten to death and know there was no place to go for prevention, protection, justice, or even to report the crime, because the armed policeman who stood beside me, he saw it too, but refused to stop it because gay lives didn't matter?

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

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Racial minorities in America understand what that feels like. Our transgender friends today certainly understand what that feels like.

I believe the best way to make the rest of America understand what that feels like is by telling our stories of survival.

Tell us your story!

Here are some of my stories...

]]> <p>How do you make privileged, heterosexual, white Americans understand what it feels like to watch a man beaten to death and know there was no place to go for prevention, protection, justice, or even to report the crime, because the armed policeman who stood beside me, he saw it too, but refused to stop it because gay lives didn&#39;t matter?</p><p>I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:</p><p>https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948</p><p>Racial minorities in America understand what that feels like. Our transgender friends today certainly understand what that feels like.</p><p>I believe the best way to make the rest of America understand what that feels like is by telling our stories of survival.</p><p>Tell us your story!</p><p>Here are some of my stories...</p> 675d0c3d-9836-4604-9f51-963f0e93ca16 https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/9f81fa54-9db7-45a8-ac40-1cfdf006b5a3 Fri, 13 May 2022 21:07:28 +0000 1337 no full 7. The Indestructible Collective Consciousness of Queers 7. The Indestructible Collective Consciousness of Queers Stuart Merrill I had to reluctantly leave my wonderful gay life in Berlin Germany and return to America at the same time I discovered I was HIV+. I remember the joys and sorrows of gay life in America during the AIDS crisis.

I was Princess Diana's personal waiter for her dress auction at Christie's in New York and remember how the "People's Princess' changed America's view of AIDS.

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

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]]> <p>I had to reluctantly leave my wonderful gay life in Berlin Germany and return to America at the same time I discovered I was HIV+. I remember the joys and sorrows of gay life in America during the AIDS crisis.</p><p>I was Princess Diana&#39;s personal waiter for her dress auction at Christie&#39;s in New York and remember how the &#34;People&#39;s Princess&#39; changed America&#39;s view of AIDS.</p><p>I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:</p><p>https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948</p> 5144fcfd-4609-4306-bf65-97261b54eebd https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/203ec76a-ba00-43c3-987b-47f86d3e03b9 Sat, 07 May 2022 06:22:38 +0000 1754 no full 6. Comrade Minister 6. Comrade Minister Stuart Merrill While working for Radio Free Europe/Radio Liberty, (RFE/RL,) I accidentally kidney punched my political hero, President Jimmy Carter, at a symposium in Kazakhstan. Upon returning to the RFE/RL offices in Munich, Germany I discovered our newly appointed Director, Kevin Klose (who would go on to run National Public Radio,) was conducting a witch hunt to "thin the radios out of all the fags."

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

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]]> <p>While working for Radio Free Europe/Radio Liberty, (RFE/RL,) I accidentally kidney punched my political hero, President Jimmy Carter, at a symposium in Kazakhstan. Upon returning to the RFE/RL offices in Munich, Germany I discovered our newly appointed Director, Kevin Klose (who would go on to run National Public Radio,) was conducting a witch hunt to &#34;thin the radios out of all the fags.&#34;</p><p>I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:</p><p>https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948</p> 86c4fa88-1ad3-4d21-8e36-3eff67024923 https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/d4bf70f5-4f7d-4376-b232-d48fdc5be0fa Mon, 02 May 2022 01:13:15 +0000 1217 no full 5. Empty Chairs At Empty Tables 5. Empty Chairs At Empty Tables Stuart Merrill We, America's gay children of the 70s and 80s, had started off with such promise and so much hope. We honestly convinced ourselves we would be the generation who gave the world gay rights. Instead, we became the generation obliterated by AIDS.

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

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When my best friend Stevie was dying of pneumonia, but his nurses were not allowed to give him oxygen, I vowed to join the struggle and became an activist.

Reagan and his Press Secretary openly joked about fags dying of AIDS, as did most American's. Europe and the civilized world looked on in utter shock and disgust at America's response to AIDS. 

While the LGBTQ community and our few allies tried to get America to take notice, Reagan's policy was to do nothing until the first heterosexual was diagnosed with HIV. Only then was AIDS declared a national emergency and millions of dollars were finally allocated to find a cure.

]]> <p>We, America&#39;s gay children of the 70s and 80s, had started off with such promise and so much hope. We honestly convinced ourselves we would be the generation who gave the world gay rights. Instead, we became the generation obliterated by AIDS.</p><p>I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:</p><p>https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948</p><p>When my best friend Stevie was dying of pneumonia, but his nurses were not allowed to give him oxygen, I vowed to join the struggle and became an activist.</p><p>Reagan and his Press Secretary openly joked about fags dying of AIDS, as did most American&#39;s. Europe and the civilized world looked on in utter shock and disgust at America&#39;s response to AIDS. </p><p>While the LGBTQ community and our few allies tried to get America to take notice, Reagan&#39;s policy was to do nothing until the first heterosexual was diagnosed with HIV. Only then was AIDS declared a national emergency and millions of dollars were finally allocated to find a cure.</p> 9edefe8a-d979-4d3b-874d-4ce5ca8a17aa https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/59a1f338-0a9a-406a-93c1-7605203e1c22 Sun, 24 Apr 2022 05:54:43 +0000 1095 no full 4. Oh My Heck! There's a Gosh Darn Faggot In Our Zionist Utahpia 4. Oh My Heck! There's a Gosh Darn Faggot In Our Zionist Utahpia Stuart Merrill Growing up in a prominent Mormon family, this episode chronicles my journey from being the victim of church ordered child abuse, to cure my homosexuality, to gay rights activist taking on the Mormon Church and my family.

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

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]]> <p>Growing up in a prominent Mormon family, this episode chronicles my journey from being the victim of church ordered child abuse, to cure my homosexuality, to gay rights activist taking on the Mormon Church and my family.</p><p>I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:</p><p>https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948</p> f6d3ba34-af2f-4951-a653-8e5e9c1e2e33 https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/ac705abf-2d83-458a-8607-2697391eb920 Mon, 18 Apr 2022 08:22:01 +0000 2112 no full 3. Top Secret 3. Top Secret Stuart Merrill Working with the KGB on the behest of U.S. intelligence agencies, I became the FIRST OUT GAY American allowed to keep my TOP SECRET security clearance after coming out, only to be ultimately betrayed by the intensely homophobic U.S. intelligence agencies.

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948

]]> <p>Working with the KGB on the behest of U.S. intelligence agencies, I became the FIRST OUT GAY American allowed to keep my TOP SECRET security clearance after coming out, only to be ultimately betrayed by the intensely homophobic U.S. intelligence agencies.</p><p>I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:</p><p>https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948</p> fe55ae32-b490-41fb-9ad6-503718557d31 https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/ecea78a6-5a04-4fab-bdda-648311cec29b Sun, 10 Apr 2022 01:42:36 +0000 2414 no full 2. An Interesting Life 2. An Interesting Life Stuart Merrill As a child my beloved aunt asked me to decide what kind of life I wanted to create for myself. I wanted an interesting life and became a gay rights activist and lobbyist. "Interesting lives are hard, hard and lonely." She explained.

Fifty years later she asked "So, how was it? Do you regret your choice? Its been hard and lonely. I know. I've been watching, but I've been so proud of you, but tell me. Tell me in your own words..."

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

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]]> <p>As a child my beloved aunt asked me to decide what kind of life I wanted to create for myself. I wanted an interesting life and became a gay rights activist and lobbyist. &#34;Interesting lives are hard, hard and lonely.&#34; She explained.</p><p>Fifty years later she asked &#34;So, how was it? Do you regret your choice? Its been hard and lonely. I know. I&#39;ve been watching, but I&#39;ve been so proud of you, but tell me. Tell me in your own words...&#34;</p><p>I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:</p><p>https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948</p> c82a637e-ff8a-452a-8520-ec500eb0075f https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/7e0f5777-eff0-4533-87e7-7ac18465f76d Mon, 04 Apr 2022 06:31:14 +0000 1070 no full 1. Russia Doesn't Have Gay Heroes 1. Russia Doesn't Have Gay Heroes Stuart Merrill The untold story of Kostya, the GAY HERO of the 1991 revolution that ended communism in Russia. Two days later he was assassinated by the KGB because RUSSIA DOESN'T HAVE GAY HEROES. I rewrote and rerecorded this episode adding a few more details.

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

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]]> <p>The untold story of Kostya, the GAY HERO of the 1991 revolution that ended communism in Russia. Two days later he was assassinated by the KGB because RUSSIA DOESN&#39;T HAVE GAY HEROES. I rewrote and rerecorded this episode adding a few more details.</p><p>I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:</p><p>https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948</p> 1772e45c-526d-4ea6-97f0-9d209d349c49 https://redcircle.com/shows/c0a9fe94-7bd2-4302-b4c7-63009e01c32b/episodes/e5c470dd-3d5b-4bec-9d08-1f94f8aa05ae Tue, 29 Mar 2022 03:41:11 +0000 1629 no