Let's Parent on Purpose: Christian Marriage, Parenting, and Discipleship

https://letsparentonpurpose.com/2022/05/22/how-to-measure-a-good-day/

Telestrations - https://amzn.to/3HIpJJH

The Things Game - https://amzn.to/3PvzT2p

Support Let’s Parent on Purpose! https://letsparentonpurpose.com/support/

Ep. 311: A Story of Marriage, Betrayal, and Hope with Dr. Samuel Thomas

Sun, 08 Jan 2023 06:00:00 +0000

This episode is a crossover podcast from Stories of Hope with Dr. Samuel Thomas of Hopegivers International. Hear Dr. Sam share about arranged marriages, dowries, and a horrible custom that still happens today in some homes when the money runs out. Listen to how the love of Jesus Christ rescues the most hopeless, and pray about how your family could get involved to help.

Dr. Samuel Thomas is the president and CEO of Hopegivers International. He is a pastor, speaker, and humanitarian who has given his life to help the least of the earth find the love of Christ. You can learn more about the ministry of Hopegivers at www.hopegivers.org

Resources Mentioned:

You can learn more about the 127 Project and support Let’s Parent on Purpose here: https://letsparentonpurpose.com/support/

Listen to Stories of Hope with Dr. Samuel Thomas on Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stories-of-hope-with-dr-samuel-thomas/id1545599796

Ep. 310: This Year: Head, Heart, and Hands: Questions to Grow As A Disciple

Sun, 01 Jan 2023 06:00:00 +0000

Today I share an exciting update as Let’s Parent on Purpose is now a ministry of The 127 Project. All of your giving is now tax deductible. In addition to supporting Let’s Parent on Purpose, your giving will help build a Hope Home for Dowry Castaway children in India.

I also share a set of questions to help you evaluate the discipleship growth of yourself and your children. Listen as I discuss how the following questions can help you grow in discipleship:

For an initial believer:

Head

Do I understand the gospel?

Do I believe the gospel?

Heart

Am I convicted of sin?

Am I drawn to Jesus?

Hands

Have I surrendered my life to Jesus?

Have I received His forgiveness and grace?

For an ongoing disciple (compared to past self, not to other people):

Head

How Am I growing in understanding God and His Word?

What do I now know how to teach or share to another?

Heart

Am I tender to the things of Jesus?

How would I describe my joy in the things of God?

Hands

What am I releasing to God?

How am I serving Jesus?

To be intentional about your discipleship walking forward:

Head

What habit am I going to pursue to grow in knowing God and His Word?

Heart

What habit am I going to pursue to grow my love and joy in Jesus and not just fall into religious duty?

Hands

In what ways am I going to be consistently generous with my money and service this year?

Resources Mentioned:

You can learn more about the 127 Project and support Let’s Parent on Purpose here: https://letsparentonpurpose.com/support/

Ep. 309: Don’t Focus on Goals, Focus On Systems

Sun, 25 Dec 2022 06:00:00 +0000

In this last week of the year, many of us make goals for how we are going to be different. Most of our goal don’t make it much further than February. Today I share one of the great revelations of my life: goals don’t matter that much. It’s our systems that determine everything. I’ll share with you how to think through creating a system that will help you start and end your day well. You’ll learn the secret of habit stacking. And I’ll encourage you to learn to love the process rather than obsessing on the final goal.

Resources Mentioned:

Free to Focus: A Total Productivity System to Achieve More By Doing Less - https://amzn.to/3Ejz8oU

Episode 210 Focus on Your Systems, Not Your Goals: https://letsparentonpurpose.com/2021/01/24/focus-on-your-systems-not-your-goals/

Ep. 308: The Decisions that Had The Greatest Impact on My Year

Sun, 18 Dec 2022 06:00:00 +0000

Every year is filled with thousands of decisions. Some of them are inconsequential, while others have life long impact. As I reflect on this past year, today I share with you the three new decisions that greatest impact on my life and family.

Listen as I discuss my top three decisions:

Learning how to measure a great day
Praying the Psalms with my children
Starting a weekly Family Sabbath Dinner

As you hear me describe the impact, you’ll see that these are also choices you can make in your household!

Resources Mentioned:

Episode 278 How to Measure a Good Day

Episode 279 A Walkthrough of a Family Sabbath Dinner

https://letsparentonpurpose.com/2022/05/29/a-walkthrough-of-a-family-sabbath-dinner/

Ep.307: A Simple Set of Questions To Review Your Year

Sun, 11 Dec 2022 06:00:00 +0000

As we close out 2022 I share with you five questions that can help you process your year and lead you into an intentional 2023. For each of the questions I share with you my answers as I process my year. Listen as we discuss the following questions:

- What are the 2-3 ways you experienced the goodness of God most deeply?

- What are the 3-4 decisions you made that have had the most impact on your life this year? (2 Good, 2 Bad)

- Which relationships had the greatest impact on you this year? Were they good or bad?

- What is something you really wanted to do that did not happen this past year? Why didn’t it happen?

- If money were no object and you could do anything with your life to serve the Lord, what would you do?

- Walk through these questions personally. Write down your answers. Then prayerful take the questions to the Lord and process them with your spouse.

Resources Mentioned:

Episode 300 Beating Leukemia Together with Elijah and Micah Holland https://letsparentonpurpose.com/2022/10/24/episode-300-beating-leukemia-together-with-elijah-and-micah-holland/

Episode 278 How to Measure a Good Day

https://letsparentonpurpose.com/2022/05/22/how-to-measure-a-good-day/

Episode 279 A Walkthrough of a Family Sabbath Dinner

https://letsparentonpurpose.com/2022/05/29/a-walkthrough-of-a-family-sabbath-dinner/

Get a copy of my Measuring a Great Day checklist and Family Sabbath Liturgy - https://bit.ly/3EDH56y

Consider a year end gift to Cpgive.org

Ep. 306: How To Get The Most Out Of Counseling with Eliza Huie

Sun, 04 Dec 2022 06:00:00 +0000

At some point, one or more members of our family will likely need the help of a professional counselor. How can you make sure you are getting the most out of your time with a counselor? Eliza Huie joins me once again to walk through the differences between counselors, therapists, psychologist, and psychiatrists. She gives her top three tips for how to maximize the time and value you get out of counseling. Eliza also shares her recommendations for where to search for solid, biblical counseling.

The Christian Counseling and Education Foundation: https://www.ccef.org

Association of Biblical Counselors: https://christiancounseling.com

Fieldstone Counseling: https://fieldstonecounseling.org

The Gospel Care Collective: https://www.gospelcarecollective.com

Bio

Eliza is a counselor, author, speaker, and trainer committed to providing care and resources for the whole person. Trained both biblically and clinically, she understands the complexities people face in their spiritual, emotional, and physical lives.

She holds a Master of Arts in Counseling and has advanced certificates in biblical counseling from The Christian Counseling Educational Foundation (CCEF) and The Association of Biblical Counselors (ABC). She is also a licensed clinical professional counselor.

Eliza is the director of counseling at McLean Bible Church located in the Washington D.C. metro area. She is the Dean of Biblical Counseling for Metro Baltimore Seminary in Maryland. She and her husband Ken have been married for almost 30 years and they have 3 grown children and a lovely daughter-in-law.

Resources Mentioned:

How to Get the Most Out of Counseling: https://us.10ofthose.com/how-to-get-the-most-out-of-your-counseling-tract-booklet/

Raising Emotionally Healthy Kids - https://us.10ofthose.com/raising-emotionally-healthy-kids-help-for-parents-paperback/

Eliza’s other books - https://us.10ofthose.com/search.php?search_query=eliza

Ep. 305: Setting up Safeguards on Screens

Sun, 27 Nov 2022 06:00:00 +0000

Every holiday season we seem to collect more devices connected to the internet. Today I walk you through some amazing parental control features that are already built in to your iPhone. Additionally, I give you my overview and recommendations on three different internet monitoring systems: Bark, Canopy, and Covenant Eyes.

Resources Mentioned:

Episode 304 Engaging and Protecting Your Video Gamer with Drew Dixon (Please provide link after show airs)

Get to Know Screen Time for Families on the iphone, Ipad, and Itouch: https://youtube.com/watch?v=ZAXcyGw8Q2Y

www.bark.us

www.canopy.us

Support Let’s Parent on Purpose! https://letsparentonpurpose.com/support/

Ep. 304: Engaging and Protecting Your Video Gamer with Drew Dixon

Sun, 20 Nov 2022 06:00:00 +0000

Whether you like it or not, your child probably loves video games. When we as parents act like video games are a curse, we often miss a key opportunity with our children. My guest Drew Dixon shares the wonder of video games including creativity, connection, and play. We talk about the gospel opportunities to discuss worldview with your children as they play video games, as well as equipping them to be on mission with their friends and contacts through social gaming. Finally, Drew and I discuss our responsibility to set safeguards and parameters with our children as they engage in gaming. Drew helps us see how important it is for our rules to be clear, collaborative, and written down.

Drew Dixon is a team leader at Lifeway Christian resources, co-founder and Chief Content Nerd of Love Thy Nerd, public speaker, co-host of Humans of Gaming, editor, author, and has traveled all over the world to spread the Gospel at nerd conventions. His new book Know Thy Gamer was released in September 2022.

Resources Mentioned:

Episode 297 Equipping our children for conversations on sexuality and gender identity with Sean McDowell

Drew’s new book Know Thy Gamer: https://www.lifeway.com/en/product/know-thy-gamer-P005835794

ESRB.org for ratings of video games

commonsensemedia.org for expert and parental reviews of games

twitch.tv to watch people play video games and evaluate if they are appropriate for your children

Support Let’s Parent on Purpose! https://letsparentonpurpose.com/support/

Ep. 303: What Do I Do If My Child Is Cutting With Eliza Huie

Sun, 13 Nov 2022 06:00:00 +0000

The trend of teenagers engaged in cutting has risen in recent years with the rise in social media and Youtube Influencers. What should a parent do if they find out their child has been cutting? Is this a pathway to suicide or something else? Eliza Huie joins me once again to help parents understand the pressures that lead a child to begin cutting. She offers council on what we can do if we find out our child has behaved in this behavior. Finally, she shares how the hope of the gospel can walk us through even this dark challenge.

Resources Mentioned:

Help! My Teen is Self-Injuring https://www.focusonthefamily.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/Self-Injury.pdf

How to Get the Most Out of Counseling: https://us.10ofthose.com/how-to-get-the-most-out-of-your-counseling-tract-booklet/

Raising Emotionally Healthy Kids - https://us.10ofthose.com/raising-emotionally-healthy-kids-help-for-parents-paperback/

Eliza’s other books - https://us.10ofthose.com/search.php?search_query=eliza

Ep. 302: Teach your children to overcome racism with the gospel with Michelle Sanchez

Sun, 06 Nov 2022 05:00:00 +0000

In a culture inflamed by racial tensions, how can parents teach children a healthy perspective on race and culture? Author Michelle Sanchez joins me today for a discussion on the gospel vision of a diverse, multiethnic community. We talk about how backgrounds and personal experiences can form our racial prejudices. Michelle also shares biblical, Christ-honoring ways for a parent or church to pursue healthy, diverse racial relationships.

Michelle T. Sanchez, MDiv, ThM, is the senior discipleship and evangelism leader of the Evangelical Covenant Church, a vibrant multiethnic denomination of more than 900 congregations. Michelle completed seminary degrees at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary and spiritual direction training at Boston College. She is a conference speaker and a columnist with Outreach magazine. Michelle has enjoyed engaging with colorful cultures in over thirty countries and territories around the world. She and her husband, Mickey, live with their children in the Chicago area.

Michelle has written a trilogy of books on color-courageous discipleship centered on the healing power of the gospel of Christ.

Resources Mentioned:

Michelle’s Website https://michelletsanchez.com

Support Let’s Parent on Purpose! https://letsparentonpurpose.com/support/

Ep. 301: Putting a Dagger in the Heart of Worry with Louie Giglio

Sun, 30 Oct 2022 05:00:00 +0000

What do you do when fear grips you up in the middle of the night? Pastor Louie Giglio joins me today for a transparent conversation on anxiety, depression, and worry. He shares his personal struggles, research on real and imagined fears, and most importantly, the pathway to peace through Jesus. We talk about our own seasons of anxiety and how Jesus gives us worship as a tool to combat the doubts in the night. Finally, Louie shares about the confidence we can have in Jesus to carry our worries, since he has already carried our sin.

Louie Giglio is Pastor of Passion City Church and Original Visionary of the Passion movement, which exists to call a generation to leverage their lives for the fame of Jesus. Since 1997, Passion Conferences has gathered collegiate-aged young people in events across the US and around the world. Most recently, Passion 2022 hosted 55,000 students and leaders.

Louie is the national-bestselling author of over a dozen books including his newest release, Winning the War on Worry. An Atlanta native and graduate of Georgia State University, Louie has done post-graduate work at Baylor University and holds a master’s degree from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. Louie and Shelley make their home in Atlanta.

Resources Mentioned:

Louie Giglio’s recent trilogy of books:

Winning the War on Worry: https://amzn.to/3RsbJoG

Don’t Give the Enemy a Seat at Your Table: https://amzn.to/3BQapGu

At the Table with Jesus: https://amzn.to/3dRTLOG

Support Let’s Parent on Purpose! https://letsparentonpurpose.com/support/

Episode 300! Beating leukemia together with Elijah and Micah Holland.

Sun, 23 Oct 2022 05:00:00 +0000

Today we are celebrating episode 300 of Let’s Parent on Purpose! I am joined today by both of my sons, Elijah and Micah Holland. The boys share what it was like to go through leukemia, relapse, and then bone marrow transplant together. We talk about worries, struggles, and the picture of Christ we find in bone marrow transplant. Additionally I share about the future of Let’s Parent on Purpose, including the beginning of the 127 Project to grow the outreach of Let’s Parent on Purpose and to take care of orphans. On this day of celebration, I want to say a big Thank You to every listener, supporter, and guest I’ve spent time with in the last 300 episodes. Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint, and we are all better with intentional investment in our marriage, parenting, and walk with Jesus. Thanks for sticking around for the first 300, I look forward to the next 300!

Elijah and Micah Holland are the sons of Jay and Emily Holland. In 2014 Elijah was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. After 3.5 years of treatment and 4 years off of chemo, Elijah relapsed in September of 2021. By God’s grace, his brother (and bunkmate) Micah was a Perfect Sibling Match as a bone marrow donor. In the spring of 2022, Micah gave over one liter of his bone marrow to save his brother’s life. Today both boys are healthy and thriving as they catch up on school, play in the church band together, and try to avoid emptying the dishwasher and cleaning their room.

Resources Mentioned:

LPOP 1 It’s a Marathon - https://letsparentonpurpose.com/2016/12/30/lpop-1-its-a-marathon/

Episode 235 Finding a Mission in Chemotherapy with Elijah Holland: https://letsparentonpurpose.com/2016/12/30/lpop-1-its-a-marathon/

Support Let’s Parent on Purpose! https://letsparentonpurpose.com/support/

Ep. 299: Pointing to a Deeper Orientation in Jesus with Dan Seaborn

Sun, 16 Oct 2022 05:00:00 +0000

This is the second half of my conversation with Dan Seaborn on how to parent a child who is identifying as a different gender or sexuality. Be sure to first listen to episode 298 What if Your Children Identify With a Different Gender or Sexuality? In this half of the discussion, we talk the term “Super-Straight” as well as the peer pressure that labels traditional sexual ethics as toxic. Dan encourages parents away from humiliation and towards humility as we process our children’s struggles. We discuss trusted resources for counseling if your child has more than a passing interest or questions. And finally Dan encourages us in how healing is not about turning our orientation towards heterosexuality, but in finding our orientation with who Christ made us to be. Be sure to share this episode with moms and dads you know are struggling with this topic!

Dan Seaborn, M.A., is the founder and president of Winning At Home, an organization that supports marriages and families. As an author, speaker, and leader of the Marriage and Family Network of AACC, Dan uses humor, practical illustrations, and real-life examples to teach others how to win at home. He has authored thirteen books and holds a master’s degree in Christian ministries. His new book, Winning at Home, will be available nationwide on September 13, 2022.

Resources Mentioned:

Episode 297 Equipping our children for conversations on sexuality and gender identity with Sean McDowell

Episode 216 Talking to Your Children About Sexuality and Gender Identity: https://tinyurl.com/ycyb6a4d

Support Let’s Parent on Purpose! https://letsparentonpurpose.com/support/

Ep. 298: What if your children identify with a different gender or sexuality with Dan Seaborn

Sun, 09 Oct 2022 05:00:00 +0000

Culture continues to saturate our children with messages on gender and sexuality. Parents should expect their children to come to them with questions about these topics. At some point, there’s a reasonable likelihood your child might approach you confused or identifying as a different gender or sexuality. What are you going to do? In the first half of a two part conversation with author and counselor Dan Seaborn, we talk about how to react to that first revelation. Dan reminds us how to keep perspective rather than panic, and how we can even celebrate the fact that our kids are even willing to talk to us. We discuss the way God has redeemed our own sexual sins. He speaks encouragement (from personal experience) for parents who are grieving wayward children. Dan also addresses the realities of the different culture our children live in compared to our child.

Resources Mentioned:

Episode 297 Equipping our children for conversations on sexuality and gender identity with Sean McDowell

Episode 216 Talking to Your Children About Sexuality and Gender Identity: https://tinyurl.com/ycyb6a4d

Support Let’s Parent on Purpose! https://letsparentonpurpose.com/support/

Ep. 297: Equipping Our Children For Conversations on Gender Identity and Sexuality with Dr. Sean McDowell

Sun, 02 Oct 2022 05:00:00 +0000

There is no way to completely shelter your children from the cultural campaign on gender identity and sexuality. Dr. Sean McDowell shares how we can equip ourselves to walk alongside our children, asking questions, and teaching them how to have loving, biblical worldview in their schools and sports teams.

Dr. Sean McDowell is a gifted communicator with a passion for equipping the church, and in particular young people, to make the case for the Christian faith. He connects with audiences in a tangible way through humor and stories while imparting hard evidence and logical support for viewing all areas of life through a Biblical worldview. Sean is an Associate Professor in the Christian Apologetics program at Talbot School of Theology, Biola University. Sean’s most recent book is called A Rebel’s manifesto: Choosing Truth, Real Justice, & Love amid the Noise of Today’s World.

Resources Mentioned:

Sean’s Website: www.seanmcdowell.org

A Rebel’s Manifesto: https://seanmcdowell.org/item/a-rebels-manifesto

Episode 216 Talking to Your Children About Sexuality and Gender Identity: https://tinyurl.com/ycyb6a4d

Better Decisions, Fewer Regrets by Andy Stanley: https://amzn.to/3AtzUhq

Support Let’s Parent on Purpose! https://letsparentonpurpose.com/support/

Ep. 296: A Rite of Passage Ceremony for Our Sons with Steven Arms

Sun, 25 Sep 2022 05:00:00 +0000

How does a child know when they are accepted as an adult? In our modern world, young people are often left to figure this out on their own. Many never do. I’m joined by author Steven Arms, who shares with me the family Rite of Passage tradition he experienced at 13 years old to welcome his as an adult member of his family. We discuss the importance of affirming manhood and womanhood, the need for a tribe of mentors, as well as the specifics of how to create a Rite of Passage experience for a young man. I also share how our church affirms our graduates with a Rite of Passage Ceremony their senior year.

Steven Arms is a co-author of the book Milestone to Manhood: A Christian Rite of Passage to Help Your 13-Year-Old Son Make the Leap from Boyhood to Manhood. In the book, Steven shares his firsthand experience of his Rite of Passage weekend and reflects on how it shaped him into the man that he is today. Steven lives in Portland, Oregon, with his wife, Emily, and is the proud father of two young children.

Resources Mentioned:

Buy the book Milestone to Manhood: https://amzn.to/3LevzTb

Visit Steven and David’s website: www.milestonetomanhood.com

Support Let’s Parent on Purpose! https://letsparentonpurpose.com/support/

Ep. 295: A Four Minute Habit With Compound Results

Sun, 18 Sep 2022 05:00:00 +0000

Six years ago I started a simple habit of writing five lines in a daily journal. Today I share six insights I have from this practice as I try to encourage you to develop this four minute habit. Listen to me explain how I learned:

1. God is faithful

2. My seasons of discontent are truly seasonal

3. Ingrained habits take very little willpower

4. Many of my plans don’t work out. Actually, most don’t.

5. My wife just keeps getting more awesome.

6. It’s only through journaling daily did I to discover some of the sneaky blessings of God in my life.

Resources Mentioned:

The Levenger 5-year journal: https://amzn.to/3TfRlJI

Support Let’s Parent on Purpose! https://letsparentonpurpose.com/ support/

Ep. 294: Reflecting on the 70 20 10 rule of learning and transformation

Sun, 11 Sep 2022 05:00:00 +0000

There is a general principle that states that 70% of our learning comes from experience, 20% from the people in our lives, and 10% from formalized instruction and book education. Today I reflect on how these truths might impact the way we parent and approach spiritual development in our households and churches.

Resources Mentioned:

What is the 70 20 10 Model in Learning and Development? https://elearningindustry.com/70-20-10-model-learning-and-development

Support Let’s Parent on Purpose! https://letsparentonpurpose.com/support/

Ep. 293: What To Do With the Mean People In Our Lives

Sun, 04 Sep 2022 05:00:00 +0000

Whether you are surviving a middle school lunch room or trying to navigate the adult relationships in your life, there will always be mean people. Based on an excellent sermon on the same topic from Andy Stanley at North Point Church, I walk through insights about getting even vs. giving love. We look at how attempting to get even almost cost David his future kingdom. Finally we consider the following set of questions to help us deal with the mean people in our lives:

Do you want to be even with someone you don’t even like?
How much control are you giving this person in your head?
When this is nothing more than a story to tell, what story do you want to tell?
What would it look like to return good for for?
Is Jesus your king… really?

Resources Mentioned:

North Point Church: Mean People and What to do about them: https://bit.ly/3c24UeT

Better Decisions, Fewer Regrets by Andy Stanley: https://amzn.to/3AtzUhq

Support Let’s Parent on Purpose! https://letsparentonpurpose.com/support/

Ep. 292: Five Healthy Marriage Habits with Nathan and Amy Oliver

Sun, 28 Aug 2022 05:00:00 +0000

Great marriages don’t happen without intentional work. There’s a saying: “your habits will determine the direction and quality of your life.” In the same way, your marriage habits will determine the direction and quality of your marriage. As we wrap up our Building Blocks for a Healthy Marriage series, Nathan and Amy Oliver share with us five powerful habits to practice for a healthy marriage. We will learn the power of

10 Minutes of check-in each day
A weekly date night
3 Consecutive nights away each year
Regular family business meetings
Developing a Care List so your spouse knows how to best show you love

Resources Mentioned:

Trusted Pet Sitters: https://www.trustedhousesitters.com/

Support Let’s Parent on Purpose! https://letsparentonpurpose.com/support/

Ep. 291: Skills to Communicate With Your Spouse with Nathan and Amy Oliver

Sun, 21 Aug 2022 05:00:00 +0000

Some couples naturally communicate very well with one another. But for most, it’s a learned skill. If we are not intentional with our communication, one day we might wake up next to someone we not longer know nor care to know. Marriage therapists Nathan and Amy Oliver equip us today with key skills to enhance our marriage through better communication. We talk about the primary purpose of communication (connection vs. information collection). The Oliver’s discuss the importance of nonverbal communication, the dangers of trying to communicate through text, and ways to help your spouse feel validated even if you don’t agree with them. These simple skills will help you stay invested in your spouse as you each change from the early years, through the parenting years, into a thriving marriage as empty nesters.

Resources Mentioned:

It’s Not About The Nail Youtube Video: https://tinyurl.com/3ku2d54c

Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss: https://amzn.to/3nfESXz

Support Let’s Parent on Purpose! https://letsparentonpurpose.com/support/

Ep. 290: How to Have Healthier Conflict with Nathan and Amy Oliver

Sun, 14 Aug 2022 05:00:00 +0000

Every marriage has conflict. It’s how you handle the conflict that determines the direction and quality of your marriage. My guests Nathan and Amy Oliver outline specific steps you can incorporate into your turbulent issues to end more connected than when you began. You’ll learn the power of a time out in the midst of a heated discussion. You’ll also be equipped with steps to take during and after the time out to ensure you win the person, not the argument.

These steps include:

- Asking questions to regain perspective: Who is this person? What am I feeling right now? What does he or she feel in me?

Breathing and regaining control of your “logic brain” from your “emotional brain”
Learning to empathetically restate your spouse’s position even if you don’t agree with it.

Additionally, you’ll discover the emotional, physical, and sexual benefits of conflict resolution and how to not live in fear of the next argument.

Resources Mentioned:

Episode 280: https://www.christianparenting.org/podcasts-post/communication-and-conflict-part-2-refilling-the-love-bank/#cp-podcast-enc-container

Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss: https://amzn.to/3nfESXz

Support Let’s Parent on Purpose! https://letsparentonpurpose.com/support/

Ep. 289: The Spiritual Foundation for a Healthy Marriage

Sun, 07 Aug 2022 05:00:00 +0000

This is the first of a four part series on building blocks for a healthy marriage. Before getting into communication and conflict techniques, it’s important to remember that a healthy marriage must have a solid foundation. Today I share three vital pillars for every marriage to thrive in a spiritually broken world. As you listen, consider whether your marriage is supported by: 1) a regular, personal spiritual pursuit of Jesus Christ and His will, 2) spiritually connective practices with your spouse, and 3) an accountable and encouraging faith community.

Helpful questions to ask yourself:

Am I setting aside regular, personal time with Jesus?
Do I read His word with a heart to see God, know his will, and follow it?
Do I regularly pray for and with my spouse?
Does my pursuit of worship, study, and serving enrich my spouse’s walk with Jesus?
Do I have a spiritual community that encourages me in my walk and calls me to accountability if I am straying or mistreating my spouse?

Resources Mentioned:

Support Let’s Parent on Purpose! https://letsparentonpurpose.com/support/

Sponsor Affiliate:

Get the Key Psalms to Pray Over Your Kids: www.cpgive.org

Ep. 288: How To Schedule Your Ideal Week

Sun, 31 Jul 2022 05:00:00 +0000

A few years ago I began to craft my ideal week. While it never goes according to plan, the practice has radically increased my fruitfulness and decreased my stress. Today I share with you the benefits of crafting your ideal work week as well as the process for creating your own.

Scheduling Your Ideal Work Week:

First off, before beginning your schedule, take a few minutes to write out your long term goals for a fruitful and joy filled life.

For me those would include:

An ever-growing relationship with Jesus

A body that is functional and not in chronic pain

A mind that stays curious and sharp

A deepening love and joy in my life and partnership with my wife

Intentional time with my children and friends

Joyful life with the church

Faithful and fruitful work

Next, write out a Monday-Sunday calendar. Break up the day into these 6 sections: Early Morning, Late Morning, Early Afternoon, Late Afternoon, Early Evening, Late Evening.

Now, fill-in the absolute fixed points of your schedule that you don’t control the time of.

Next, fill in the time slots that are an investment in those long term goals you listed before starting your calendar. For instance, each Early Morning I have slotted a time that is called Morning Startup. This includes a time for a long walk and prayer time, reading the word, quickly journaling about yesterday, and my hygiene time. I know this time will also include helping get the kids ready for school. There’s also a date night blocked, a family sabbath dinner, and a time for personal projects.

Now, aim to block off chunks of 2-3 hour blocks for deep work or batched work (these are tasks that can be done much quicker if grouped together, like emails, chores, or phone calls). I’ve learned is that in a 40 hour work week, if I can get 12-15 hours of uninterrupted deep work, I can really thrive at completing all that’s required of me besides the people interactions. So I block those deep work times in 3 hour chunks through the week.

For more details, listen to the podcast! Additionally you might benefit from checking out Michael Hyatt’s explanation in my resources mentioned section below. This is where I learned the practice.

Resources Mentioned:

How to Better Control Your Time by Designing Your Ideal Week: https://fullfocus.co/ideal-week/

Free to Focus: A Total Productivity System for Doing More by Doing Less: https://amzn.to/3NRBP2O

Get Your Calendar Year Prayer Journal: www.cpgive.org

Support Let’s Parent on Purpose! https://letsparentonpurpose.com/support/

Ep. 287: Which Bible Translation Should I Buy My Child?

Sun, 24 Jul 2022 05:00:00 +0000

I’m frequently asked about which Bible Translation is best for children or teens. Today I share an overview of the differences between translations as well as thoughts on what Bible might be best for your child. Additionally I share a couple of “pre-Bible introductory resources”. I discuss why it’s important to consider what translation your church regularly uses as well as any special reading difficulties your child may have.

Resources Mentioned:

The Jesus Storybook Bible: https://amzn.to/3xUNiZu

The Action Bible: https://amzn.to/3OBsnlr

Support Let’s Parent on Purpose! https://letsparentonpurpose.com/support/

Ep. 286: Finding Hope in Shattering Loss with Lisa Appelo

Sun, 17 Jul 2022 05:00:00 +0000

Lisa Appelo went to bed married one night and woke up a widow and single mom to seven children the next morning. Her story of navigating raw, tender grief stands as a testimony that—regardless of your circumstances—life can be good again after it falls apart. We talk about the experience of losing her husband dan, the process of navigating her own grief, as well as the individual paths of grieving each of her children walked. Most importantly, we celebrate how Jesus can bring a depth and richness to our joy even if we’ve experienced traumatic loss.

Resources Mentioned:

Life Can Be Good Again: Putting Your World Back Together After It Falls Apart by Lisa Appelo: https://lisaappelo.com/lifecanbegoodagain/ LisaAppelo.com

IG: @lisaappelo

FB: @LisaAppelo

Support Let’s Parent on Purpose! https://letsparentonpurpose.com/ support/

Ep. 285: Three Pillars for Strengthening Your Teen’s Self Concept

Sun, 10 Jul 2022 05:00:00 +0000

The teenage years can feel incredibly unstable for both parents and adolescents. Today I share three pillars that can help your teen have a stable self concept even as their bodies, brains, and friends keep changing. Learn how important it is for your teen to know “I’m loved,” “I’ve got what it takes,” and “I can take responsibility”. As moms and dads, our interactions with our teens will either enhance or diminish each of these messages.

Resources Mentioned:

Parenting Teens with Love and Logic: Preparing Adolescents for Responsible Adulthood: https://amzn.to/3xi6uA8

Support Let’s Parent on Purpose! https://letsparentonpurpose.com/ support/

Ep. 284: The Most Effective Parenting Style for Teens

Sun, 03 Jul 2022 05:00:00 +0000

The teenage years are a time of radical change. But it’s not just our teenagers who must go through change. Parenting styles and roles rapidly evolve as our children move closer to adulthood. In this episode I discuss three different types of parenting styles. We review why the drill sergeant and the helicopter parent fail to prepare our teens for adulthood. Instead, we should aim to become consultants that empower our teens with greater responsibility and ownership of their actions. If this topic is helpful to you, I highly recommend you check out Parenting Teens with Love and Logic by Jim Fay and Foster W. Cline

Resources Mentioned:

I discussed this topic in more detail in a very early episode of Let’s Parent on Purpose: https://letsparentonpurpose.com/2017/02/20/lpop-9-whatsyour-parenting-style/

Parenting Teens with Love and Logic: Preparing Adolescents for Responsible Adulthood: https://amzn.to/3xi6uA8

Support Let’s Parent on Purpose! https://letsparentonpurpose.com/ support/

Ep. 283: Communication and Conflict Part 4 A New Vision For Your Family

Sun, 26 Jun 2022 06:52:44 +0000

This is last episode in a four part series to help parents and teens improve their communication and reduce conflict. It’s adapted from a parent/teen retreat and includes small group questions you help you process the material as a family. Conflict increases when there is no compelling purpose or mission. Today we begin to re-vision your family as a multigenerational team on mission for the Lord. I share a couple actionable steps for helping your family discover your identity, mission, and strategy.

Key Points:

1. Our culture looks at families as springboards for individual success. We need to begin to view our family as a multigenerational team on mission.

2. Generations are not stuck. It only takes one generation in a family to turn to Jesus to start a new legacy.

3. A team needs an identity, a purpose, and a strategy.

4. To shape your family identity, develop a family mission statement.

• As an example, here’s my family’s mission statement: God has blessed us with relationships, resources, and responsibility. We will use our gifts to enjoy life with Jesus and one another, and to heal a broken world through the love of Christ.

5. A simple strategy for your family to begin living on mission: start a weekly multigenerational meal.

6. Your new vision for family can help cure the disease of more and be the greatest force of discipleship in your household! Discussion Questions with your family after listening:

1. What was the most important thing you heard from this episode?

2. What do you think of the idea of your family being a multigenerational team on mission for Jesus?

3. How has God uniquely blessed your family in ways that could be a blessing to others? What are your treasures in relationships and resources?

4. Who are family members outside of your current household that you could pull in to your family team on mission? 5. Who are people in your life in need of a spiritual family that you could pull in to your team and mission?

6. Start to brainstorm what you would want to include in a family mission statement. How has God blessed you and what are specific ways you want your family to serve Jesus for decades if the Lord doesn’t return in your lifetime?

7. Could you start a weekly multigenerational meal? What night of the week would work best? Who could you invite? What are some things that would help make this night meaningful. For example - the Holland Family try’s to have a role for ever member of the meal, from lighting candles to sharing scripture to prayers of blessing. Over the meal we share our weekly highs and lows as well as something we are learning. What night of the week would work most consistently for you to have it?

8. When are you going to have your first multigenerational meal?

Resources Mentioned:

Episode 281: https://www.christianparenting.org/podcasts-post/communication-and-conflict-part-2-refilling-the-love-bank/

Episode 282: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ep-282-communication-and-conflict-part-3-retooling/id1190973394?i=1000567017578

To explore this concept further check out my episode Your Family as a Team with Jeremy Pryor

https://letsparentonpurpose.com/2021/06/13/ your-family-as-a-team-with-jeremy-pryor/

Ep. 282: Communication and Conflict Part 3 Retooling for Healthier Conflict

Sun, 19 Jun 2022 05:00:00 +0000

This is part three of a four part series to help parents and teens improve their communication and reduce conflict. It’s adapted from a parent/teen retreat and includes small group questions you help you process the material as a family. Every family is going to have conflict. We need a better conflict toolbox to allow us to win the person and not the argument. Today we look at principles from Proverbs as well as Chris Voss’ book Never Split the Difference: Communicating Like Your Life Depends on it. I also share some of the most helpful marriage counseling advice I’ve ever been given.

Key Points: 
1. You’re going to have disagreements and conflict. You need a better conflict toolbox.

2. The vast majority of conflict work is done before the conflict. Refill the love bank!

3. People want to be understood and appreciated. 4. Tools for conflict:

• Be a Mirror - Active listening and reflecting

• Accusation Audit - Admit the ugly truth and state your worst case

• Tactical Empathy - State their case and feelings in the best way you can (you don’t have to agree).

• Getting to “that’s right” rather than “you’re right”!
5. The best way to win the conflict is to seek to win the person! 6. Marriage tips for “fighting fair”

• Never use the words “always” or “never”

• Stick to the subject even if it means you’re going to “lose” the argument

• Make enough time for the discussion and take a time out if you need Discussion Questions with your family after listening:

1.What was the most important thing you heard from this episode?

Remember to try to use the toolbox as we continue the questions

Be a mirror - active listening and reflecting
Accusation audit - admit the ugly truth and state your worst case
Tactical Empathy - state the other side’s case and feelings as best as you

can
Getting to “That’s Right” instead of “Your Right”

2. One of the main points was “everyone wants be understood and appreciated.” Can you think of something in your household where you feel either misunderstood or unappreciated? Share the situation if you feel comfortable. Others in the group should practice listening and interacting using the toolbox. Stick to the subject and don’t switch topics in the middle. See if you can get to a place where one of the people listening can restate your case in such an accurate way that you say “That’s Right”.
4. Take a turn and let someone else go.
5. What do you think would be the most helpful tool in the toolbox to regularly use?
6. Are any of them confusing to you?
7. Do you feel like if you are appreciated and understood its easier to get past individual things that your family members might disagree on? Explain why or why not.

Resources Mentioned:

Episode 280: https://www.christianparenting.org/podcasts-post/communication-and-conflict-part-2-refilling-the-love-bank/#cp-podcast-enc-container

Episode 281: https://www.christianparenting.org/podcasts-post/communication-and-conflict-part-2-refilling-the-love-bank/

Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As if Your Life Depended On It by Chriss Voss and Tahl Raz https://amzn.to/3sOiBDu

Ep. 281: Communication and Conflict Part 2 Refilling the Love Bank

Sun, 12 Jun 2022 05:00:00 +0000

This is part two of a four part series to help parents and teens improve their communication and reduce conflict. It’s adapted from a parent/teen retreat and includes small group questions you help you process the material as a family. Today’s episode focuses understanding the emotional love bank each family member has with one another. Once we learn the impact of deposits and withdraws, we can begin to build emotional security in our household relationships. We discuss applying the New Testament One Another’s to our family, identifying one another’s love languages, securing easy wins, and avoiding costly losses in our communication.

Key Points: 

1. The Love Bank/Tank represents the amount of positive emotional reserves you have for each relationship.

2. Everyone wants to feel noticed, loved, and appreciated. We get to be the hands, feet, and mouth of Jesus to one another in the home!

3. As a general rule, people need to hear 5-10 affirmations for every cirque, otherwise they become insecure and resentful.

4. The Five Love Languages are helpful in understanding how individuals give and receive love. Your family will benefit if you know which ones each member values the highest: Quality Time, Physical Touch, Acts of Service, Gift Giving, Words of Affirmation.

5. Go for the easy wins and avoid the easy loses! Parents need to eliminate cut-downs and comparisons. Teens need to understand that lying breaks trust and relationships.

6. A full love bank allows for a secure relationship.

Discussion Questions with your family after listening:

What was the most important thing you heard in this episode?
If you’re being honest, how would you describe your love tank with each member of your family right now? Why do you say this?
Have you ever thought about how you’ve been called to be the hands, feet, and mouth of Jesus so they can feel secure in the Lord? What do you think about that?
When it comes to the five love languages, what ones help you feel loved the most? Which ones are the ways you most often try to express your love to others? Remember the languages are Quality Time, Physical Touch, Acts of Service, Gift Giving, and Words of Affirmation. What’s a specific way that your family members could help you feel more loved?
What’s an easy win way that someone can make a deposit into your love tank?
Take a time to encourage one another. What are a few specific things that you like about the people in your family? If they are in your group make sure you tell them!
Finish out by praying for each other!

Resources Mentioned:

For more detail on the Love Bank, check out my article “The Love Bank”: https://letsparentonpurpose.com/2017/10/30/the-love-bank/

His Needs Her Needs: Making Romantic Love Last by Willard F Harley Jr. https://amzn.to/3LDu92N

The Five Love Languages: Secrets to Love That Last by Gary Chapman https://amzn.to/3LzKztg

Ep. 280: Communication and Conflict Part 1: Know Your Enemy

Sun, 05 Jun 2022 05:00:00 +0000

This is part one of a four part series to help parents and teens improve their communication and reduce conflict. It’s adapted from a parent/teen retreat and includes small group questions you help you process the material as a family. Today’s episode focuses on understanding the spiritual warfare behind many household conflicts and gives you tools for overcoming.

Key Points:

1. You have an enemy, and it’s not your family.

2. The combat theater is your mind. Satan’s weapon is your flesh, and your weapon is the armor of God.

3. The next combat theater is your family. Your family is not the enemy, they are the battle prize. Satan’s weapon is pride and your weapon is grace.

Remember, healing grace is a two way street but it starts with one person making the step of faith!

Discussion Questions with your family after listening:

1. What was the most important thing you heard in this podcast?

2. Is the concept of spiritual warfare in the family new to you?

3. What seems to be the greatest battlefield to you right now, your mind or your family? Why?

4. Can you see where pride has caused resentment and division in the relationships in your family? In what way?

5. Can you think of a practical way that grace could change the tone in your house? How so?

6. What do you need to do with what you heard today? When are you going to do it?

Resources Mentioned:

If you like this episode, check out Episode 138 - Spiritual Warfare in the Home

https://letsparentonpurpose.com/2019/09/08/spiritual-warfare-inthe-home/

Ep. 279: A Walkthrough of a Family Sabbath Dinner

Sun, 29 May 2022 05:00:00 +0000

This year our family has been stretched and scattered. We have experienced significant disorientation as we walk through a leukemia relapsed. To combat the disorientation, we are developing a new practice of a Family Sabbath Dinner. After years of toying with the idea, talking about it with others, we are finally doing it. Today I want to walk you through what our Family Sabbath Liturgy looks like. This is my own personal modified version, designed to help take some of the awkwardness out of the meal as well as giving each participant a meaningful role. As you follow along my walkthrough, my prayer is that you realize that you can also do this! Jesus tells us that the Sabbath was made for man, and it’s time we reclaimed this gift as we invite Jesus to the feast!

If you find this compelling, check out the links in “Resources Mentioned” for my Sabbath Liturgy as well as a couple of other versions.

This is the fourth episode in my “Upside Down Insights” series. Birthed out of our bone marrow transplant journey, these are insights God has given me as our world turned upside down.

Resources Mentioned:

If you like this episode, check out Centering on Christ in the Midst of Chaos with Virgil Tanner: https://letsparentonpurpose.com/2022/01/02/ centering-on-christ-in-the-midst-of-chaos-with-virgil-tanner/

Sabbath Dinner Liturgies:

My version: https://www.dropbox.com/s/9ee6x0p95ghl6x1/ Sabbath%20Family%20Liturgy.pdf?dl=0

Virgil Tanner’s Version: https://www.dropbox.com/s/oxzdh5p6b8k2cq3/ Sabbath%20Dinner%20Liturgy.pdf?dl=0

Stovall and Kerrie Weems’ Version: https://www.dropbox.com/s/ oxzdh5p6b8k2cq3/Sabbath%20Dinner%20Liturgy.pdf?dl=0

Ep. 278: How to Measure a Good Day

Sun, 22 May 2022 05:00:00 +0000

How do you measure a good day? What are the things you can control when everything feels out of control? As we walked through a month of ICU hospitalization with our son for his bone marrow transplant, he was unable to even leave his room for 28 days. To keep from focusing on the isolation and sickness, we developed a plan to measure a “good day”. No matter what happened in a day, if we could do most of these things, we can say that it was a day well spent. A good day. On todays episode, I walk through the following list, explaining how these items helped the doctors describe my son’s mindset as “the model patient”. If these items work for you in an isolated hospital, you can trust they will help you make the most of the blessedly “normal” days in your life as well!

What makes up a Good Day?

- Time with God

- Train my body - move!

- Eat intentionally

- Encourage someone

- Learn something

- Play

- Talk to a friend

- Tell people I love them

This is the third episode in my “Upside Down Insights” series. Birthed out of our bone marrow transplant journey, these are insights God has given me as our world turned upside down.

Resources Mentioned:

If you like this episode, check out Centering on Christ in the Midst of Chaos with Virgil Tanner:

https://letsparentonpurpose.com/2022/01/02/ centering-on-christ-in-the-midst-of-chaos-with-virgil-tanner/

Ep. 277: Our Father is Always Working

Sun, 15 May 2022 05:00:00 +0000

Sometimes I feel the pressure to fix all of the broken things in my family and friends. It’s especially paralyzing when you cannot see what God is doing. In this devotional form John 5, we see that Jesus did nothing of his own initiative, but only what he saw His Father already doing. If the Son of God only worked in areas where He could see his Father working, shouldn’t we enjoy the freedom of following His example? God doesn’t need us to join his work, but he wants us to. As we join the Father, we grow in character and skill. We go from knowing about God to knowing God. And the more time we spend working with our Father, the more we become like our Father. This is the second episode in my “Upside Down Insights” series. Birthed out of our bone marrow transplant journey, these are insights God has given me as our world turned upside down.

Resources Mentioned:

Experiencing God: Knowing and Doing the Will of God:

https://amzn.to/ 37jJJTa

Ep. 276: The Freedom of Simplicity

Sun, 08 May 2022 05:00:00 +0000

What would happen if you had to live without 95 percent of your “stuff”? That’s exactly what our family has been experiencing as we live in a rental house for a couple of months. The conclusion: we are just fine. It’s led me to think about how much stress and anxiety we normally live under because of our accumulation of stuff and commitments. How do we fightback to simplify our lives so that we can truly live in the freedom Jesus gives us?This is the first episode in my “Upside Down Insights” series. Birthed out of our bone marrow transplant journey, these are insights God has given me as our world turned upside down.

Resources Mentioned:

If this topic interests you, check out Richard Foster’s Freedom ofSimplicity: Finding Harmony in a Complex World: https://amzn.to/3OdR9bn

Ep. 275: What if My Child Gets Sick... Really Sick

Sun, 01 May 2022 05:00:00 +0000

There are few fears more gripping to a parent than the thought that one of their children might get sick... really sick. Sick to the point of real suffering. Sick to the point of no answers. Sick to the point of death.

This is something we’ve been walking through as a family for eight years now. Having experienced the dreaded diagnosis of Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia, having walked through years of bad news, good news, injections, and hospitalizations, I want to offer some wisdom that we’ve gained along the way.

Resources Mentioned:

Ep. 274: What If You Don’t Fit In?

Sun, 24 Apr 2022 05:00:00 +0000

One of the common feelings shared by our children is "I feel like I don't fit in.” The truth is this feeling doesn’t go away just because we become adults.

I've been thinking about that...

From my personal experience and from over 20 years as a pastor, I have come to believe that "I don't fit in" is a more common feeling than "I fit in".   Today I share thoughts on why I think this feeling is a part of the curse, and how the Gospel is the cure.

Resources Mentioned:

Ep. 273: What if I Fail As a Parent

Sun, 17 Apr 2022 05:00:00 +0000

Fear of failure as a parent can paralyze a mom or dad. In my new “What if…?” series I look at the reality of our parental failure through the lens of the gospel. We talk about:

1. Why many of our failures don’t matter

2. The reality that there will be many times when you really blow it

3. How to view your failure in the light of the gospel.

Failure is not the last word, and God can use our worst moments to shape some of the best character qualities in our children.

Resources Mentioned:

Ep. 272: The Spiritual Journey to Physical Health with Amber Lia

Sun, 10 Apr 2022 20:17:55 +0000

According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, about 74 percent of adults in the United States are overweight. After 10 years of marriage and five pregnancies, Amber Lia, a former college athlete and recreational bodybuilder, found herself to be one of them. Feeling ashamed of her physical state and knowing that she could and should do better—for herself, her husband, and her children—she embarked on a journey to reclaim her health, one unhealthy pattern at a time. We discuss her journey to spiritual and physical health, understanding the importance of your “why”, identifying food triggers, and learning to replace unhealthy habits with healthy ones.

Amber Lia is an independent certified health coach who has been on her own transformative health journey. She has written and coauthored several books, including Marriage Triggers and the bestselling parenting book, Triggers. A former high-school English teacher, Amber is a sought-after mentor for women and a regular contributing writer for The Better Mom. Amber and her husband co- run the faith-friendly production company Storehouse Media Group, and they live in Southern California with their four boys. To learn more, visit AmberLia.com.

Resources Mentioned:

Sign Up for My Things For Thursday Email - https://bit.ly/3EDH56y
www.amberlia.com
https://www.instagram.com/therealamberlia/
Your Future Self Will Thank You with Drew Dyck - https://

letsparentonpurpose.com/2021/01/03/your-future-self-will-thank-you-

with-drew-dyck/
Food Triggers: Exchanging Unhealthy Patterns for God-Honoring Habits by Amber Lia - https://amzn.to/3mLUbY9

Ep. 271: Learning and Growing Together in a Newly Blended Family with Jonathan Pitts

Mon, 04 Apr 2022 16:28:10 +0000

Pastor and author Jonathan Pitts joins me once again, this time to talk about the growth and adjustments from his newly blended family. We discuss setting-but also adapting-expectations, the mix of grief and joy in a blended family, and giving one another grace with feelings and emotions.

Jonathan Pitts is an author, speaker and the executive pastor at Church of the City in Franklin, Tennessee. He previously served as the executive director at the Urban Alternative, the national ministry of Dr. Tony Evans. Jonathan has co-authored two books alongside his late wife, Wynter Pitts. He is also President and co-founder of For Girls Like You Ministries, an equipping and resourcing ministry for tween girls and their parents. Jonathan is the father of four daughters and is blessed to be newly married to his wife Pita Pitts.

Resources Mentioned:

Sign Up for My Things For Thursday Email - https://bit.ly/3EDH56y
Jonathon’s Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/pittsjr26/?hl=en
The Journey Podcast - https://www.christianparenting.org/podcasts-

post/rescued-from-the-fear-of-loneliness/
The Chip Dodd Eight Feelings Chart https://sagehill.co/eight-feelings/

Ep. 270: Parenting Adult Children with Willow Sanders

Sun, 27 Mar 2022 05:00:00 +0000

Parenting doesn’t stop just because your children turn 18. But it sure can be confusing! Willow Sanders joins me to talk about the transitions from boss to coach to advisor that a parent must make over the years. We share our struggles and encouragements as we seek to navigate the challenges of parenting adult children in a healthy way.

Willow Sanders is the director of Student Services and Protect the Heart Ministries for CareNet of the Treasure Coast. Willow has served the Treasure Coast for over 2 decades and has two adult sons.

Resources Mentioned:

Sign Up for My Things For Thursday Email - https://bit.ly/3EDH56y
https://protecttheheart.org
Talking to Your Children about Sex with Willow Sanders - https://letsparentonpurpose.com/2018/03/18/talking-to-your-children-about- sex/

Ep. 269: Simplifying Family Worship with Rob Rienow

Sun, 20 Mar 2022 05:00:00 +0000

Family worship is one of the most transformative habits a family can have. It’s also very intimidating to most moms and dads. Dr. Rob Rienow, founder of Visionary Families, helps simplify the process of starting and continuing family worship. With a simple toolbox of prayer, Bible reading, and other elements, you can implement a healthy habit of family worship in your home no matter the age of your children.

Dr. Rob Rienow’s most important ministry is loving his wife Amy and partnering with her to lead their seven children to love God. He is the founder of Visionary Family Ministries (www.visionaryfam.com), a pastor, international conference speaker, and the author of several books including Visionary Parenting and Visionary Marriage. When Rob is not fishing for men, he enjoys fishing for fish. The Rienow family lives in West Chicago, IL.

Resources Mentioned:

www.VisionaryFam.com

www.Facebook.com/VisionaryFam

www.Twitter.com/VisionaryFam

www.YouTube.com/visionaryfamilyministries

PODCAST www.VisionaryFam.com/podcast

Ep. 268: The Transforming Power of Prayer with Stacy Callender

Sun, 13 Mar 2022 06:00:00 +0000

When Stacy Callender was a young mom she felt burdened as her children entered public school. This burden led her to join a Moms in Prayer group that changed the trajectory of her life, family, and mission. Stacy and I talk about the work of God through prayer, and how we grow in courage and faith by consistency praying with others. You can’t help but be encouraged as you listen to Stacy’s story and her infectious joy!

Stacy Callender is the host of the Moms in Prayer podcast. She has been involved in a Moms in Prayer group since her oldest child started kindergarten in 1999. She has served as the Southern California State Coordinator, and also in Women’s Ministry at her local church. She and her husband, Scott, live in Southern California where they have raised their four children, Megan, Bryce, Madison and Brendan. During her free time, Stacy can be found eating Mexican food, hiking, reading or bargain hunting.

Resources Mentioned:

• Sign Up for My Things For Thursday Email - https://bit.ly/3EDH56y

• Moms in Prayer https://momsinprayer.org

• Moms in Prayer Podcast https://momsinprayer.org/resources/ podcast/

Ep 267: Building Character in Our Boys with Monica Swanson

Sun, 06 Mar 2022 06:00:00 +0000

It’s a challenge to balance boundaries and freedom, adventure and responsibility when raising a boy. My guest Monica Swanson shares here experience of raising boys who are sensitive to the things of Jesus while still being strong and capable in the face of the world’s trials. She gives examples of success and failures in her process as well as her insight into creating a “character training course” for her son when he needed extra focus.

Monica Swanson is the author of the Boy Mom book and a blogger at monicaswanson.com. She shares encouragement and inspiration for raising boys in today's world. Monica shares practical advice and biblical wisdom through honest conversations, interviews with other boy moms, and light-hearted humor.

Resources Mentioned:

www.monicaswanson.com

The Boy Mom Podcast - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-boy-mom-podcast-withmonica-swanson-and-friends/id1468061855

Boy Mom- What Your Son Needs Most From You - https://amzn.to/3H3d7t2

Ep. 266: Sorrow and Suffering in Parenting with Daniel and Kelly Crawford

Sun, 27 Feb 2022 06:00:00 +0000

Sometimes our worst fears in parenting do come true. When Daniel and Kelly Crawford were pregnant with their first son Abel, they learned that he had a life limiting diagnosis. Directed to find services to terminate the pregnancy, they instead chose to carry their little boy to birth. They were gifted fifteen days with their little Abel. Their experience led them to reach out and minister to other families facing similar scenarios. It also gave them perspective as they raise their other special needs children. This is an honest yet hope filled conversation about the sadness and sweetness of dying dreams and and an enduring gospel hope.

Daniel and Kelly Crawford have been married since December 2013 and reside in Dallas, Texas. They have three children (Abel, Mayfield, and Deacon) who were all born on the exact same day in 2016, 2017, and 2019. Yes, January 22 is a big day at the Crawford house! They co- founded Abel Speaks in 2018 to support families who have chosen to carry a child with a life-limiting diagnosis. After walking that road with their firstborn son, Abel, they realized the significant need that existed for parents in their position. The vision of Abel Speaks is that every family they serve will cherish their child’s life and have hope in the midst of sorrow. This ministry is but one example of the redemptive truth that God never wastes an ounce of our pain, and the Crawfords love to write and speak on the ways that God can and does use our suffering for his glory and our good. Go to AbelSpeaks.org to find out more.

Resources Mentioned:

Instagram -@abelspeaks
Facebook - www.facebook.com/abelspeaks.org

Website - www.abelspeaks.org

The vision of Abel Speaks https://www.youtube.com/watch? v=qLJrbTZpQB8
A Parent’s Guide to Sorrow & Suffering- www.abelspeaks.org/
store Sign Up for My Things For Thursday Email - https://bit.ly/3EDH56y

Ep. 265: Hope and Help in the Adoption Journey with Mary Beth Chapman

Sun, 20 Feb 2022 06:00:00 +0000

When Steven and Mary Beth Chapman took their 11 year old daughter Emily on a mission trip to Haiti, it changed the trajectory of their family. A burden to adopt started with Emily and spread to each family member. As the Chapmans adopted three children from China, God connected them with other families that needed support in their own adoption journeys. 8,000 children later, Show Hope is still resourcing moms and dads to enlarge their forever families. Mary Beth joins me to share their story as well as her incredible wisdom for others who are at every step of the adoption process. This is a conversation for more than just adoptive families. It takes a practical and spiritual village to adopt a child!

Steven and Mary Beth were married in October of 1984 and have six children – three biological children, Emily Chapman Richards (married to Tanner and mom to three daughters Eiley, Della, and Verity), Caleb Chapman (married to Julia and dad to son Noble and daughter Olive "Ollie"), and Will Franklin Chapman (married to indie artist Jillian Edwards and dad to daughter Willow Faye), and three daughters adopted from China, Shaohannah Hope, Stevey Joy and Maria Sue, who is now with Jesus. The Chapmans live in Franklin, Tennessee.

Resources Mentioned:

• Sign Up for My Things For Thursday Email - https://bit.ly/3EDH56y

• https://www.marybethchapman.com/

• www.showhope.org • howtoadopt.org

Ep. 264: Raising Emotionally Healthy Kids with Eliza Huie

Sun, 13 Feb 2022 06:00:00 +0000

Kids and teens are more stressed than ever. As our world bombards them with social media, bad news, and inescapable connectedness, researchers are finding depression and anxiety rates are higher than ever. Author and counselor Eliza Huie joins me once again with great practical advice for moms and dads on fostering emotional health in every stage of their children’s lives. We talk about the importance of nurture, understanding your child’s capacity, regarding their feelings, cultivating hope, and knowing when and how to get help.

Resources Mentioned:

Raising Emotionally Healthy Kids - https://us.10ofthose.com/raising- emotionally-healthy-kids-help-for-parents-paperback/
Eliza’s other books - https://us.10ofthose.com/search.php? search_query=eliza

Ep. 263: Closing the Integrity Gap in the Home with Jeff and Terra Mattson

Sun, 06 Feb 2022 06:00:00 +0000

Our culture is obsessed with influencers and leadership, but parents often forget that their primary opportunity for leadership and influence is in their own household. My guests Jeff and Terra Mattson talk with me about the distance between what we say and what we do in our families, and how that damages our credibility. We discuss the necessity to recognize the influence of our own childhood families, the importance of grieving trauma and loss, and empathizing even when we don’t agree with the other side.

Jeff and Terra are a husband and wife team who co-founder of Living Wholehearted, LLC, a professional counseling and organizational consulting firm outside of Portland, Oregon and a global movement for moms and daughters called Courageous Girls. Terra is a licensed marriage & family therapist and executive coach with over twenty years of clinical and ministry experience. She is the author of Courageous: Being Daughters Rooted in Grace and the visionary and curriculum developer for Courageous Girls. Jeff serves as president of their organizations and leads the executive coaching and organizational development arm of the practice. Together they are the co-hosts of the weekly Living Wholehearted Podcast and Dear Mattsons YouTube series produced by Christian Parenting and the co-authors of Shrinking the Integrity Gap: Between What Leaders Preach and Live. Married just over twenty years and raising their two teen daughters, they integrate biblical, clinical, and relational wisdom to help leaders live and lead with integrity in the home, work and community.

Resources Mentioned:

www.livingwholehearted.com

www.mycourageousgirls.com

www.terramattson.com

FB:

wearelivingwholehearted

mycourageousgirls

jeffterramattson

IG:

@terramattson

@living_wholehearted

@mycourageousgirls

Shrinking the Integrity Gap: Between What Leaders Preach and Live - https://amzn.to/3CA5qsF

Ep 262: Advice from the Oldest Mom on the Playground with Cynthia Yanof

Sun, 30 Jan 2022 06:00:00 +0000

What if you could go back in a time machine and give your young parenting self some advice? My guest Cynthia Yanof and I talk about this very idea on today’s episode. As Cynthia watched her little one play on the playground, she thought about the lessons she could teach her younger self based on how the children were playing. We talk through her excellent advice and how we are still in the process of growing, learning, and fumbling forward on our parenting journey.

Cynthia Yanof is a wife, mom, blogger, and the host of the Pardon the Mess podcast. She has a relaxed style of interviewing, combining her quick wit and sense of humor with a firm commitment to never taking herself too seriously.

She loves Jesus, her family, foster care, and having lots of friends around her as often as possible. Cynthia is relatable, real, and a friend to all of us just trying to walk the parenting road in a meaningful way that’s pleasing to the Lord.

Resources Mentioned:

Sign Up for My Things For Thursday Email - https://bit.ly/3EDH56y
The Pardon the Mess Podcast: https://www.christianparenting.org/podcasts-post/praying-for-our-kids-praying-accountability/
www.cynthiayanof.com
www.pardonthemess.org

Ep 261: Sinners Raising Sinners with Lisa Clark

Sun, 23 Jan 2022 06:00:00 +0000

Sometimes our expectations for our families are just way beyond reality. My guest Lisa Clark reminds us that we are all just sinners raising sinners, still in the process of transformation by the gospel of Jesus. We talk about expectations, personality differences among children, settings habits for a thriving family, and what to do if a child is rejecting the faith.

Lisa is married to Brad, her husband of 35 years. She and Brad co-teach a young married life group at their home church in Plano, TX. They have two daughters, Caroline and Camryn. Grounded in God’s Word, Lisa has a passion for encouraging moms in the day-to-day struggles of parenting preteens and teens. This passion and mission led her to write her very First book in 2016, Raising Sinners. Raising Sinners is a biblical parenting, short story written for moms and dads in all stages of parenting. Lisa also hosts two podcasts - Wonder and Raising Sinners, both with her cohost Chrissie Dunham.

Resources Mentioned:

https://www.lisaclarkspeaks.com

The Raising Sinners Podcast - https://www.christianparenting.org/ podcasts-post/a-story-of-hope-with-mary-beth-chapman/

The Wonder Podcast - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-wonderpodcast/id1335112615

Raising Sinners - https://amzn.to/3HNAAQj

Ep 260: Centering Your Family in the Midst of Chaos with Virgil Tanner

Sun, 16 Jan 2022 06:00:00 +0000

We want our home to be a place of peace and stability, but sometimes external and internal dynamics make this extremely challenging. Virgil Tanner and his wife Joy have parented their children on three continents in a variety of difficult circumstances. Today he shares how they learned to order their family stability around regular prayer and the family sabbath. Learn how he took a two thousand year old Christian tradition and adapted it to engage his little ones, teenagers, and the adults in their household. The practice has helped them thrive in the midst of shaky governments, cultural chaos, and personal tragedy.

Virgil Tanner has been married for 20 years and is a father of five. He has lived on three continents and currently oversees strategy and global operations for a non-profit with hundreds of staff scattered all over the world.

Resources Mentioned:

Celtic Daily Prayer - https://amzn.to/30M74JZ

Northumbria Online Prayer Community - https:// www.northumbriacommunity.org/offices/how-to-use-daily-office/

The Book of the Dun Cow by Walter Wangerin Jr. - https://amzn.to/ 32lN55l LPOP 189

Teaching Children How to Think with Virgil Tanner - https:// letsparentonpurpose.com/2020/08/30/shepherding-a-childs-heartpart-2-teaching-children-how-to-think-with-virgil-tanner/

Ep 259: The Fight for Freedom from Pornography with Ted Shimer

Sun, 09 Jan 2022 21:26:56 +0000

The pornography industry makes more money than the NBA, NFL, MLB, and NHL combined. Porn is hunting for every member of our family, and the effects on the body of Christ are devastating. There is no greater obstacle we face when it comes to discipleship, spiritual leadership, relational and spiritual health than the enslavement of porn addiction. Today Ted Shimer joins me to talk about the grim realities happening in our families. He then shares the hope that comes when combining spiritual principles with brain science to bring men, women, and our children lasting freedom from the grip of pornography.

Bio:

Ted Shimer has mentored men since 1991 with the collegiate ministry Student Mobilization. He received his MABS from Dallas Seminary and has been trained as a Pastoral Sex Addiction Professional-Supervisor. Ted has helped people overcome the bondage of pornography in the context of making disciples. He is the Founder of The Freedom Fight, an online porn addiction recovery program. He is also the author of the book, The Freedom Fight, The New Drug and the Truths that Set Us Free. Ted and his wife Amber have four adult children and live in Fayetteville, Arkansas.

Resources Mentioned:

www.thefreedomfight.org

The Freedom Fight: The New Drug and the Truth that Sets us Free

The Freedom Fight 30 Day Challenge to break free from Pornography

Freedom From Porn Begins Here: YouVersion Bible 30 Day Devotional Plan

Covenant Eyes: Accountability and Internet Filter

Canopy Parental Controls

Ep 258: Centering on Christ in the Midst of Chaos with Virgil Tanner

Sun, 02 Jan 2022 06:00:00 +0000

More than any other period in our lifetime, the world seems to be swirling in chaos. On top of that, many of us have personal crisis or perpetual responsibilities that leave us traumatized. Today I talk with Virgil Tanner about two strategies for centering on Christ in the midst of a chaotic world. The first strategy is for long term soul health. The second strategy can be adapted to acute times of crisis to keep us from spiraling out of control.

Virgil’s Framework

The Five Dimensions of the Human Soul, and the three areas to address with each:

Spiritual: Alone, With Others, Working in the World

Physical: Eat, Move, Recover

Cognitive: Learn, Focus, Play

Emotional: Notice, Interview, Manage

Relational: Discern, Invest, Grow

Resources Mentioned:

Centering on Christ, Caring for Your Soul: a self-guided exercise - https://www.dropbox.com/s/fhqkdh8sfdpuwuv/ Centering%20on%20Christ%2C%20Caring%20for%20Your%20Soul%2 0Exercise.pdf?dl=0

Ep 257: Creating a New Family Habit for 2022

Sun, 19 Dec 2021 06:00:00 +0000

If we want to change our families, we can do so by concentrating on one habit at a time. Today I brainstorm several potential family habits to consider for 2022, and encourage you to pick ONE new one to ingrain in your lives.

Habits:

Prayer

Morning Time
Meal Time
Drive Time
Bed Time

The Word

Read at dinner
The Bible App Devotions
Verse of the Week or Month

Dinner together

Minimum times per week
do Roses and Thorns

Make one night a week a special night of worship or blessing

Read the Word
Family Worship
Invite Grandparents to bless their grandchildren
Pick one night a week or month to practice hospitality

Be a Blessing

Family service project
Adopt an orphan
Adopt a spiritual orphan
Adopt a single person or widow
Serve at Church Together
Give Generously

Resources Mentioned:

Sign Up for My Things For Thursday Email - https://bit.ly/3EDH56y
Northumbria Prayer times - https://www.northumbriacommunity.org/offices/morning-prayer/

Ep 256: A Simple Illustration to Understand the Importance of the Church Body

Sun, 12 Dec 2021 06:00:00 +0000

When charcoal is grouped together it burns hot and does its job. When you remove a briquette from the fire, it goes cold. In this short devotional I give a simple explanation for the importance of staying connected to the Body of Christ, in a manner that you can easily demonstrate with your family.

Ep 255: A Surprising Truth About Discipleship

Sun, 05 Dec 2021 06:00:00 +0000

People are different, and because of that, discipleship does not always look the same. It’s not a step by step process, and just because our children have “caught” one area of discipleship we cannot expect the “next” one will come naturally. In this short devotion, I share how we can give room for differences and encourage the good we see growing in each family member.

Ep 254: Revisiting: How to teach Contentment

Sun, 28 Nov 2021 06:00:00 +0000

As we get near Christmastime, its a wonderful time of year to review a perpetual quandary of our modern age: How to we teach our children contentment when they are surrounded by unrelenting advertisements for more and more stuff. Today I revisit an early episode where we talk about a three part strategy for teaching contentment in the home.

1. Teach Perspective

2. Take Responsibility for Others

3. Live More By Having Less

Ep 253: Revisiting: Making a Plan for Family Holiday Gatherings

Sun, 21 Nov 2021 06:00:00 +0000

We’re entering the season filled with awe, wonder, gratitude, and dread. It’s that time of year where we get to spend time with family we love. Sometimes, we get to spend time with family who are easier to love at a distance. Let’s be honest, just because we grew up together doesn’t mean we now have the same worldview, parenting styles, standards, goals, or aspirations. And sometimes we love every member of our family, and are mostly on the same page as them, but it’s just overwhelming when they all get together at once. Today I give you a handy guide to having less stress, more fun, and perhaps even eternally significant extended family gatherings this Thanksgiving and Christmas.

1. Release yourself from the guilt of thinking you’re going to please everybody.

2. Stop sabotaging the peace of all of the days leading up to your family gathering.

3. Make a plan. Aim to stick with your plan. Walk in grace when you cannot stick to your plan.

• “How am I going to calendar these next few weeks with enough margin to not run ragged?”

• “How am I going to coach my children for some of the unsavory experiences they might encounter with our extended family?”

• “Knowing that I do not trust this particular person in my family, how am I going to make sure that my children are not left in vulnerable situations with them?”

• “How am I going to redirect conversations with grace when they go down gossipy or destructive pathways?”

• “How am I going to lovingly hold my boundaries when this particular family member tries to guilt or manipulate me?”

• “How am I going to love and support my spouse as they navigate the different people in their family?”

4. Intentionally instill a time of personal worship and gratitude, for you and your immediate family.

5. Don’t miss the teaching and training opportunities in your own family. Have honest conversations (without gossip or disparaging) with some of the struggles you’ve had in your family before. Teach them how you’ve tried to love and also live in boundaries. Affirm their feelings if they don’t like some of their cousins. Coach them on how to show love to hard people.

6. Don’t go to your gatherings to “just get through them”, go seeking to be an instrument of grace.

7. Bring your other family members in as best as you can on the plan. If it’s dreadful for you, likely it’s dreadful for other family members. Since you have some time, start talking about how you might intentionally make the time more meaningful as you’re together. Maybe each family can put together a little photo video project of what happened over the last year. Maybe you can plan a service project together. Maybe as a family you can adopt a family in need and work together to provide for them.

8. Think of ways you can be “others first” without feeling resentful and manipulated.

9. Don’t add to your spouse’s stress by guilting them over their family.

10. Pray for your family!

Ep 252: Revisiting: How to win your family’s heart

Sun, 14 Nov 2021 06:00:00 +0000

Revisiting one of my favorite early episodes, I lay out principles that will help you win the hearts of your family and influence the culture of your home. Based on principles form Dale Carnegie’s classic How to Win Friends and Influence People, I share three principles that can help lower defensiveness and increase the willingness of each member of your household to do their best for one another. When it’s all said and done, these principles are nothing more than an exposition of the golden rule “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”.

Ep 251: Revisiting What if it’s a Category 5

Sun, 07 Nov 2021 05:00:00 +0000

At some point every single one of us is going to experience a Category 5 crisis in our life. When our worst fears are realized, we face the challenge of processing what we believe about God. We also need to figure out what to do next. Today I revisit one of my early LPOP topics, sparked by our preparation for a potential Category 5 hurricane pointed at our town. I now consider the words I wrote in light of our family’s current crisis, the relapse of my son’s leukemia.

Resources Mentioned:

Sign Up for My Things For Thursday Email - https://bit.ly/3EDH56y
My Blog: What if it’s a Category 5

Ep 250: Celebrating 250! Answering Questions about Fun, Family, Faith, and Serving Through Suffering

Sun, 31 Oct 2021 05:00:00 +0000

As we celebrate 250 episodes and nearly five years of the Let’s Parent on Purpose podcast, my friend Jenny Price interviews me about my favorite things, serving through suffering, and keeping our family on mission. You’ll learn how Emily and I set parameters to grow in trust in our young marriage. How do I refill and recharge from work and family? Also, what is the most ridiculous, petty thing I would do if money were no object?

• Sign Up for My Things For Thursday Email - https://bit.ly/3EDH56y

• My Sermon on Psalm 127 - http://covenantfellowship.com/pages/ page.asp?page_id=374128&programId=277574

• My favorite novel - https://amzn.to/3Ce3hCV

Ep 249: Thank God for Your Messy Life

Mon, 25 Oct 2021 14:09:21 +0000

We spend a great deal of time lamenting the messes in our lives: our homes are cluttered, our bank account stressed, and our commitments overwhelming. But the mess is often indicative of the abundant life God has given us. This devotion from Proverbs 14:4 reminds us to be thankful in the midst of the mess as we look forward to the day when Jesus ultimately makes all things new.

• Sign Up for My Things For Thursday Email - https://bit.ly/3EDH56y

• www.helptheaddictedchild.com

Ep 248: Understanding and Responding to Teen Substance Abuse with Richard Capriola

Sun, 17 Oct 2021 05:00:00 +0000

One of the greatest fears shared by moms and dads around the world is their child becoming addicted to drugs. While the motivations for using and abusing alcohol and drugs have largely stayed the same, the actual substances continue to evolve, and their availability keeps increasing. Richard Capriola is the author of The Addicted Child: A Parents Guide to Adolescent Substance Abuse. He joins me to talk about the brain changes that happen with drug use, the most prevalent substances used by teens today, what to do if you find your teen using, and where to go for help if your child is addicted.

Richard Capriola has been a mental health and substance abuse counselor for over two decades. He recently retired from Menninger Clinic in Houston Texas where for over a decade he treated adolescents and adults diagnosed with mental health and substance abuse diagnoses. He is the author of The Addicted Child: A Parent's Guide to Adolescent substance abuse which is available on Amazon and from the book's website http://www.helptheaddictedchild.com

Resources Mentioned:

• Sign Up for My Things For Thursday Email - https://bit.ly/3EDH56y

• www.helptheaddictedchild.com

• Richard’s Book - The Addicted Child: A Parents Guide to Adolescent Substance Abuse -https://amzn.to/3usGQ9U

Ep 247: What If My Child Hates Church?

Sun, 10 Oct 2021 05:00:00 +0000

One of the most common conversations I have is helping parents determine what to do when their child doesn’t want to come to church. The reasons are as varied as the child, and we want to make sure we understand why they might hate church before we jump to our response. Today I go through many different reasons why our children might not like church, as well as several possible solutions for you to encourage their love of the church and enjoyment of the services.

Ep 246: How Do You Keep The Faith with Dr. Samuel Thomas

Sun, 03 Oct 2021 05:00:00 +0000

As we pray and ask God to intervene in our lives, sometimes in our lives, sometimes we see miraculous breakthrough. But often either nothing happens or we experience the very opposite of what we were praying. In times like this, many people walk away from their faith. How are we to keep our faith in Jesus when things go so wrong? I posed this question to Dr. Samuel Thomas of Hopegivers. Dr. Thomas is no stranger to suffering, as his life of service to the orphan, widow, and unreached of India has lead to assassination attempts, jail, and sorrow upon sorrow. Hear Dr. Thomas’ inspiring answer, given from a perspective forged in the fire of trusting Jesus when you have nothing else to cling to.

Dr. Samuel Thomas is known throughout India as a leading humanitarian. As president and CEO of Hopegivers, Dr. Thomas helps connect those with a ministry heart in the western world with those in greatest need in India and South Asia. The ministry of Hopegivers, started by Dr. Thomas’ father M.A. Thomas, has planted over 90,000 churches and cared for more than 10,000 orphan in the last sixty years. Dr. Samuel, along with his wife Shelly, have two sons, Timothy and Stephen.

Resources Mentioned: • The Stories of Hope with Dr. Samuel Thomas Podcast - https:// podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stories-of-hope-with-dr-samuel-thomas/ id1545599796

• www.hopegivers.org

• LPOP 206: The Child of a Murderer Becomes and Orphan Leader https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lets-parent-on-purpose-with-jayholland/id1190973394?i=1000503590306

Ep 245: The Unique Challenges of Blended Families with Ron L. Deal

Mon, 27 Sep 2021 05:00:00 +0000

Nontraditional families are the new traditional family. In the United States, most of Europe, and many other countries, blended families outnumber “traditional” ones. The challenges of a blended family are magnitudes higher than what most couples anticipate. My guest Ron L. Deal is one of the Christian world’s foremost experts on blended families. He shares many of the unexpected challenges a blended family will face, as well as practical tools to help your family thrive and honor God.

Ron L. Deal is one of the most widely read and viewed experts on blended families in the country. He is president of Smart Stepfamilies, directs the blended family ministry at FamilyLife, and is the author of more than a dozen books and resources, including the bestselling The Smart Stepfamily and Building Love Together in Blended Families (with Dr. Gary Chapman). Ron is a licensed marriage and family therapist, popular conference speaker, and host of the podcast FamilyLife Blended with Ron Deal. He and his wife, Nan, have been married since 1986 and have three boys. Learn more at rondeal.org and familylife.com/blended.

Resources Mentioned:

Website: https://www.rondeal.org and https://www.familylife.com/ blended

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/familylifeblended/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/RonLDeal

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/familylifeblended/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/FamilyLifeBlended

Ron’s New Book: Preparing to Blend: The Couple’s Guide to Becoming a Smart Stepfamily - https://amzn.to/3yrA7NO

244. Crisis: My Son Has Relapsed with Leukemia

Sun, 19 Sep 2021 05:00:00 +0000

Seven years after his initial diagnosis for Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia,my son Elijah has relapsed. In this episode I share the details of how we found out, an explanation of leukemia and treatment, as well as the potential road ahead for our family. I also share the very real emotions we are struggling through, how God had spiritually prepared me through scripture, and how our family is seeking to help Elijah see this crisis as an open door for the work of Jesus. In hearing our story, by God’s grace you will see how God also wants you to look for the open door for Jesus in the midst of your crisis.

Losing a Child isn’t the Last Word with Diana Grounds: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lets-parent-on-purpose-with-jay-holland/id1190973394?i=1000502221159

Finding a Mission in the Midst of Chemotherapy with Elijah Holland: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/235-finding-a-mission-in-the-midst-of/id1190973394?i=1000529205324

Elijah’s No Longer Orphans Chemo Challenge: https://www.flipcause.com/secure/cause_pdetails/MTI0MTIzSponsor

243. Expanding Your Behavior and Consequences Toolbox with Caroline Todd

Sun, 12 Sep 2021 05:00:00 +0000

Behavior should make us curious. As we seek to discern the motive behind our children’s behavior, we can more effectively match the behavior to a consequence that will guide them towards healthy decisions. I’m joined by my church’s Children’s Ministry Director, Caroline Todd, as we discuss four different functions behind our kid’s behavior. Caroline discusses sensory seeking behavior, escape behavior, attention-seeking behavior, and tangible behavior.

As we get better at identifying the motive behind our kids’ actions, we can make better plans for redirecting, correcting, or reinforcing negative and positive behavior. These skills will help you with your own children, in a classroom setting, and might even give you insight on how to better love your spouse!

Caroline Todd is the Director of Children’s Ministry at Covenant Fellowship Baptist Church. She is a graduate of Palm Beach Atlantic University with a degree in Psychology and a minor in Special Education. Before serving at Covenant, Caroline worked as an Applied Behavior Therapist for Special Needs Children. Caroline is married to her high school sweetheart, Nathan Todd.

Resources Mentioned: LPOP 46 Behavior Should Make Us Curious with Bradley McCallister - https://www.letsparentonpurpose.com/2017/11/27/lpop-46-behavior-shouldmake-us-curious/

www.covenantfellowship.com

242. Love, Submission, and Family Power Dynamics with Matt Price

Sun, 05 Sep 2021 05:00:00 +0000

As I begin a new series called “Hard Conversations”, Pastor Matt Price and I discuss Paul’s instructions for husbands, wives, children, slaves, and masters. We compare the Colossians 3 and Ephesians 5 texts, and set the stage for the Roman family and slave culture that permitted the New Testament world. Matt and I talk about how these text call every believer to first view their world through the lease of the gospel and not their power dynamic. We also speak to recent and historical abuses of this text. Pauls words were not meant to be a weapon used against another individual, but a call to live with meaning and dignity, remembering that we will all give an account to God for the way we loved one another.

Matt Price is the senior pastor of Covenant Fellowship Baptist Church in Stuart, Florida, where he has served for 25 years. Matt and his wife Jenny have been married for 30 years and have five biological and adoptive children. They have fostered a local church environment centered on the gospel, service, and transparency.

Resources Mentioned:

Love and Respect - https://amzn.to/3kbpsl5

241. Guard Your Heart

Sun, 29 Aug 2021 16:00:00 +0000

In the final devotion in our Heart-Check Series, we look at the challenge of proverbs 4:23 “Guard your heart, for out if flow the wellsprings of life”. Jay talks about why it is so important to guard our hearts. He encourages us to notice four areas that might derail our hearts: apathy, bitterness, community, doubt.

Finally, Jay gives encouragement on how to go from the defensive to the offensive in protecting our hearts. This is a devotion that speaks to parents, children, spouses, and singles.

240. Proverbs are Principles Not Promises

Sun, 22 Aug 2021 05:00:00 +0000

The book of Proverbs gives amazing guidance for nearly every area of life. Each chapter is filled with incredible principles to guide us. Sometimes, though, things don’t work out exactly like the proverb states. In these situations, it’s important to remember that value of the other Biblical Wisdom Literature - Job and Ecclesiastes.

Resources Mentioned: https://bibleproject.com/explore/video/job/

239. Shifting from “I Have To” to “I Get To”

Sun, 15 Aug 2021 05:00:00 +0000

In Philippians 2, we are called to do all things without grumbling or complaining. This is a verse we often throw at our children, but first and foremost should apply to our own lives. In this episode of Jay’s “Heart Check” devotional series, he talks about the power of shifting our perspective from “I have to” to “I get to”.

238. Family Wealth

Sun, 08 Aug 2021 05:00:00 +0000

Inspired by watching the documentary The One Percent, Jay shares some paradigm shifting spiritual principles on how to think about true family wealth. Today we will unpack these three core principles:

1. The primary assets of each family are the individual members of that family.

2. The wealth of any family consists of its combined human, spiritual, and intellectual capital.

3. The financial capital of any family should be used to grow its human, spiritual, and intellectual capital.

Resources Mentioned:

The One Percent Documentary: https://www.youtube.com/watch? v=IK35cxb3rkA

Family Wealth: Keeping it in the Family: https://amzn.to/3w953Bq

Your Family As A Team by Jeremy Pryor: https:// www.letsparentonpurpose.com/2021/06/13/your-family-as-a-team-with-jeremypryor/

237. There’s always “That One Thing"

Sun, 01 Aug 2021 05:00:00 +0000

In every point of our lives, there will always be at least One Thing that we think is standing in the way of true happiness or contentment. But if we are honest with ourselves, as soon as that One Thing is resolved, we find another One Thing standing in the way. In this installment of the Heart Check devotional series, Jay turns to 2 Corinthians 12 to find guidance for how to live with peace and joy in the midst of a never ending life of One Things.

Episode 135 You Are Not in Control https:// www.letsparentonpurpose.com/2019/08/18/you-are-not-in-control/

236. Feelings Follow Focus, Not Facts

Sun, 25 Jul 2021 05:00:00 +0000

Far too often our lives are not ruled by what is true, but what we pay the most attention to. In the first of Jay’s new devotional series called Heart Check, he shares how God calls us to set our mind on the things of Christ, trusting our affections to follow. We have to let go of the things that bring death, and instead fan the flames of the truths that give life to our souls and families.

Donate to support Christian Parenting CPgive.org

235. Finding a Mission in the Midst of Chemotherapy with Elijah Holland

Sun, 18 Jul 2021 05:00:00 +0000

In 2014 my five year old son Elijah faced the fight of his life against Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia.

Donate to support Christian Parenting CPgive.org: www.christianparenting.org

www.hopegivers.org

Stories of Hope with Dr. Samuel Thomas.

Sponsor Affiliate: www.cpgive.org

234. Creating a Culture of Service and Hospitality with Brent Gibson

Sun, 11 Jul 2021 05:00:00 +0000

Sometimes we overcomplicate what it means to be on mission for Jesus. Brent Gibson and his wife Lisa have worked to create a family environment where service and hospitality aren’t some great feats, they are normal rhythms of life. As you listen to how they’ve engaged their family of five to clean the church and host senior church members for dinner, you’ll find ways that your family might engage in mission.

Brent Gibson is the husband to Lisa, the father of three (Charissa, Lewis, and Bobby), and an elder at Covenant Fellowship Baptist Church. He runs Robert Erneston Produce, a multi-generational family business in Stuart Florida. Brent is also a good friend and brother-in-law of Jay Holland.

www.ernestonproduce.com

LPOP 232 The Ministry of Hospitality with Abby Turner

233. Family Ministry Grew My Faith With Davis Price

Sun, 04 Jul 2021 05:00:00 +0000

Growing up as a pastor’s kid, Davis Price never knew a time where he was not involved with family ministry. From joining his parents on mission trips to setting up chairs at church to housing homeless people, Davis’ faith was significantly formed by his mom and dad bringing him along as a part of their ministry team. Parents often worry that their kids will be resentful or feel like they missed out because of ministry commitments, but Davis shows that being on mission together can be incredibly formative in ones faith.

Davis Price is the son of Pastor Matt and Jenny Price and grew up with Covenant Fellowship Baptist Church. He is a recent graduate of Florida State University, a brand new husband to his bride Lindsey, and a Youth Ministry Assistant in Orlando, Florida.

Abby’s Website: https://atabletopaffair.com/

The Living Table: Recipes and Devotions for Everyday Get-Togethers - https://amzn.to/3yh1b3w

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ATableTopAffair

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/atabletopaffair/

Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/atabletopaffair/

The Prodigal Son Comes Home with Shane O’Neill: https:// www.letsparentonpurpose.com/2020/09/27/the-prodigal-son-comes-homewith-shane-oneill/

Become a Supporter of Let’s Parent on Purpose! www.letsparentonpurpose.com/support

232. The Ministry of Hospitality with Abby Turner

Sun, 27 Jun 2021 05:00:00 +0000

Jesus spent three years making disciples around the meal table. My guest Abby Turner, author of The Living Table: Recipes and Devotions for Everyday Get-togethers shares how to reclaim your table as a place of encouragement, ministry, and discipleship. We talk about how to lower the expectations of perfection, the difference between hosting and hospitality, and how to involve your children in practicing hospitality. Abby even shares an easy 30 minute recipe to make a special dinner for your family and guests.

Abby Turner, the food blogger and writer behind A Table Top Affair, has made it her mission to help women toss aside the pressures of a Pinterestperfect dinner party in exchange for meaningful and simple gatherings that feature easy and delicious dishes, allowing hostesses to shift their focus from the food and party preparations to communing with the people who are present.

Abby’s Website: https://atabletopaffair.com/

The Prodigal Son Comes Home with Shane O’Neill: www.letsparentonpurpose.com/2020/09/27/the-prodigal-son-comes-homewith-shane-oneill/

Become a Supporter of Let’s Parent on Purpose: www.letsparentonpurpose.com/support

231. Serving Through Foster and Adoption with Ericah Brinson

Sun, 20 Jun 2021 05:00:00 +0000

Scripture teaches us that pure and undefiled religion is caring for the orphan in their distress. Foster and adoptive parents are noble, but it often doesn’t FEEL noble! My guest Ericah Brinson shares the story of how God led her and her husband Richard to be foster and adoptive parents. She shares the struggles and challenges of the journey, as well as the ways she’s learned and grown. Ericah also gives insight for other parents in need of support or resources, and she encourages non fostering or adoptive families in how they can be a vital lifeline to those who are on this journey.

Along with her husband Richard, Ericah Brinson is the adoptive mother of four. She is a member of Covenant Fellowship Baptist Church and one of the founders of the Treasure Coast Foster Closet. Ericah also created an online support group for foster and adoptive parents on the Treasure Coast of Florida.

Resources Mentioned: The Connected Child: Bring Hope and Healing to Your Adoptive Family - https://amzn.to/3uU1sqZ

When Love Is Not Enough: A Guide to Parenting With RAD-Reactive Attachment Disorder - https://amzn.to/3hBxCUg https://tcfostercloset.com/

Become a Supporter of Let’s Parent on Purpose: www.letsparentonpurpose.com/support

230. Your Family as a Team with Jeremy Pryor

Sun, 13 Jun 2021 05:00:00 +0000

Western culture teaches us that the purpose of family is to launch us into individual success. But what if this family vision is radically broken? Jeremy Pryor joins me to share how he encountered the biblical vision of family as a multigenerational team on mission. We talk about the factors contributing to radical individualization in our society and practices for uniting the generations of your family around a mission.

Jeremy met his wife April in Jerusalem in 1997 when they were students. They’ve spent the last 20 years building Team Pryor together. The have five kids: Kelsey, Jackson, Sydney, Elisa, and Kaira. They live in a multigenerational house with Jeremy parents and April’s mom in Fort Thomas, KY just a few miles from Cincinnati, Ohio. They’ve founded and lead several businesses and non-profits including Epipheo (a video production agency) Just Sew (a quilt shop), FamilyTeams.com (training content for families) 1000 Houses (a network of Cincinnati disciple-making households) and The Story-Formed Life (a discipleship training resource). For fun the Pryors study Hebrew, take groups to Israel (join us), enjoy deep conversation over great food and read Tolkien by firelight.

Family Revision - https://amzn.to/3bBqUtz https://familyteams.com

Sponsor Affiliate:

Become a Supporter of Let’s Parent on Purpose! www.letsparentonpurpose.com/support

229. Your Family Is Your Mission Field!

Sun, 06 Jun 2021 05:00:00 +0000

As we begin a series highlighting families that are on mission to impact their world for the sake of Jesus, we want to start with the reminder that YOUR family is your first and greatest mission field!

Jay walks through Jesus’ command in Matthew 28:18-20 and applies it to family life. He then highlights the following advice for “teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you”: lead yourself well, learn to apply the gospel to the trials and challenges of life, lean into the power of conversations vs. devotions, be intentional with a few routines, let your children see you struggle, doubt, and repent.

Become a Supporter of Let’s Parent on Purpose: www.letsparentonpurpose.com/support

228. Advice for Making a Growth Plan for This Summer

Sun, 30 May 2021 05:00:00 +0000

Hopefully this summer allows you time to rest, relax, and recuperate. But it also provides a season to grow, improve your walk with Jesus, your health, or your relationships. This week Jay provides a Summer Growth Worksheet as well as a set of reminders on what sets us up for successful transformation. Remember the following:

1. If you have too many goals, you’re more likely to fail across the board.

2. An end of summer goal should be challenging, but reasonable.

3. Your goal should consist of daily (or multiple) very doable baby steps.

4. Reward yourself every day you take your daily step.

5. Find a partner or family member to share your plan.

6. Success gives momentum for success.

Resources Mentioned:

Your Summer Growth Plan: http://www.letsparentonpurpose.com/wp- content/uploads/2017/06/Summer-Growth-Plan.pdf

Your Future Self Will Thank You with Drew Dyck: https:// www.letsparentonpurpose.com/2021/01/03/your-future-self-will-thank- you-with-drew-dyck/

How to Start or Stop Any Habit: https://www.letsparentonpurpose.com/ 2019/06/09/how-to-start-or-stop-any-habit/

The Surprising Power of Small Changes: https:// www.letsparentonpurpose.com/2019/06/02/the-surprising-power-of- small-changes/

Falling in Love with the Process: https://www.letsparentonpurpose.com/ 2019/06/16/falling-in-love-with-the-process/

Become a Supporter of Let’s Parent on Purpose! www.letsparentonpurpose.com/support

227. How Extended Family Dynamics Affect a Marriage

Sun, 23 May 2021 05:00:00 +0000

Most of us grossly underestimate how much our extended family is going to affect our marriage. Jay walks through a number of ways your childhood home and extended family shape how you walk into your marriage. He lists several situations where extended families impact your marriage throughout the years. And finally he gives a list of questions to help you process and even thrive through your extended family circumstances.

Questions for couples to consider:

- What are the situations we need to address and repent of?

- In which relationships do we need to develop firm boundaries?

- Which circumstances do we simply need to accept as one of the particular crosses that Jesus would have us bear as we serve one another and our family?

- What are the opportunities we see to build on what we have and grow in fruitfulness as a family?

- If we could dream, and God would help us to be a part of a multigenerational family that he would use to bless the world, in what ways would we like to see that happen?

Resources Mentioned:

Broken Marriages Can Heal with Steve and Lisa Goldberg https:// www.letsparentonpurpose.com/2021/04/25/broken-marriages-can-heal- with-steve-and-lisa-goldberg/

Depression and Anxiety in Marriage and Parenting with Jenny Price https://www.letsparentonpurpose.com/2017/12/18/lpop-49-depression- and-anxiety-in-marriage-and-parenting/

Myths and Realities of Extended Families: https:// www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/myths-and-realities-of-extended- families/

Sponsor Affiliate:

Become a Supporter of Let’s Parent on Purpose! www.letsparentonpurpose.com/support

Sex: A Marriage Killer or a Killer Marriage with Matt and Jenny Price

Sun, 16 May 2021 05:00:00 +0000

Sex is one of the greatest gifts God gave to husbands and wives. But it is also one of the deepest sources of pain and bitterness in marriage. Pastor Matt and Jenny Price join me once again for a fun, honest, and encouraging conversation on how to increase the fun and joy of the marriage bed. This conversation could help transform the atmosphere in your marriage!

Matt and Jenny Price have been married for 30 years and have five biological and adoptive children. Matt is the senior pastor of Covenant Fellowship Baptist Church in Stuart, Florida, where he has served for 25 years. He and Jenny have fostered a local church environment centered on the gospel, service, and transparency. In addition to serving alongside Matt, Jenny runs her own coaching business and has spent years as a foster parent mentor on the Treasure Coast. They also have pets (Jojo), hobbies (construction and the beach), and date nights to Longhorn.

Resources Mentioned:

www.covenantfellowship.com

www.jenneagram.com

His Needs Her Needs 

The Five Love Languages 

Sacred Marriage

Love and Respect

Depression and Anxiety in Marriage and Parenting with Jenny Price: https://www.letsparentonpurpose.com/2017/12/18/lpop-49-depression- and-anxiety-in-marriage-and-parenting/

Sponsor Affiliate:

Become a Supporter of Let’s Parent on Purpose! www.letsparentonpurpose.com/support

225. Communication with Matt and Jenny Price

Sun, 09 May 2021 05:00:00 +0000

In polls of mental health professionals, communication problems were cited as the most common factor that leads to divorce. On the other hand, couples with strong communication skills grow deeper in love and friendship even while weathering major storms. Matt and Jenny Price join us to share their wisdom and insight from over 30 years of marriage and 25 years of counseling couples at Covenant Fellowship Baptist Church.

Resources Mentioned:

www.covenantfellowship.com

www.jenneagram.com

His Needs Her Needs

The Five Love Languages

Sacred Marriage

Love and Respect

Marriage on Mission with Jenny Price: https:// www.letsparentonpurpose.com/2019/09/15/marriage-on-mission-with-jennyprice/

Sponsor Affiliate: Become a Supporter of Let’s Parent on Purpose! www.letsparentonpurpose.com/support

224. The True Cause of Divorce

Sun, 02 May 2021 05:00:00 +0000

About 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. There are many reasons given, but just about every single divorce boils down to one common denominator. Listen as Jay explains how dangerous hardness of the heart is in a marriage. Then walk through these questions in your own marriage:

- Am I being honest with myself, really?

- Who am I receiving council from?

- Are my ears hard?

- How have I contributed to the current state of our marriage?

- What’s at stake? Have I counted the costs?

- When I made my vows to my spouse and God, did I intend for this current issue to be an exception?

- Am I believing the gospel in my marriage?

- What is the major step of repentance or the baby step of resolution God is calling me to take?

Resources Mentioned:

Listen to last week's episode, "Broken Marriages Can Heal with Steve and Lisa Goldberg": https://apple.co/3nDOEC5

Sponsor Affiliate: Become a Supporter of Let’s Parent on Purpose! www.letsparentonpurpose.com/support

223. Broken Marriages Can Heal with Steve and Lisa Goldberg

Sun, 25 Apr 2021 05:00:00 +0000

On the outside, Steve & Lisa Goldberg looked like the perfect couple. On the inside, they were miserable. This reality had slowly been building in the first six years of our marriage. It exploded with revelations of resentment, betrayal, brokenness, and fear. But God welcomed a prodigal daughter home, saved one of His own and restored a marriage. Listen to Steve and Lisa share their transparent story of failure, redemption, and restoration.

Steve & Lisa founded Side By Side, a nonprofit organization inspiring and encouraging couples to value, nurture and restore their marriages. Their deepest desire is to see all marriages God-centered and thriving. Over 90% of the couples Side By Side has served have reconciled marriages! They live in Raleigh, NC where Steve is a Worship Pastor and Lisa is the Executive Director of Side By Side. They have a fun-loving 8 year-old son and a rowdy Shih Tzu.

Resources Mentioned:

Side By Side, staysidebyside.org

Our Journey From Hurt To Hope: A live, 1-hour musical storytelling experience.

Steve and Lisa’s Free Ebook: Help! I Just Found Out My Spouse Is Having An Affair: A Step-By-Step Guide to Navigating the Reveal of Infidelity

222. Bitterness, Forgiveness, and Restoration with Jimmy and Kristin Scroggins

Sun, 18 Apr 2021 05:00:00 +0000

There is a sense in which every single one of our homes is a broken home, because we’ve all been marred by the brokenness that sin causes. Pastor Jimmy and Kristin Scroggins join me for the final episode in my Parenting Challenges series, as we explore a gospel based understanding of forgiveness, bitterness, and restoration. As we learn to be parents who model forgiveness in our own lives, we secure a platform to have crucial conversations with our children on the power of releasing others from their wrongs.

Jimmy and Kristin Scroggins have been married for twenty-six years and have eight children: James (Reilly), Daniel (Mary-Madison), Jeremiah, Isaac, Stephen, Anna Kate, Mary Claire, and Caleb. They have served at Family Church since Jimmy became the lead pastor in July 2008. Under Jimmy’s leadership, Family Church has grown to a network of neighborhood churches in South Florida. The Scroggins family is passionate about Family Church’s mission to build families by helping them discover and pursue God’s design.

Resources Mentioned:

Full Circle Parenting Book: https://www.amazon.com/Full-Circle Parenting-Crucial-Conversations/dp/1087713447

www.fullcircleparentingbook.com

The Three Circles App: https://lifeonmissionbook.com/conversation-guide

https://gofamilychurch.org

Sponsor Affiliate: Perfectly Imperfect Parenting Event - https://www.perfectlyimperfect.org/a/2147484914/2FV3DP4z

221. Self Care for Special Needs Families

Sun, 11 Apr 2021 06:00:00 +0000

The challenges facing a special needs family can be crushing. With no end in sight, it’s vitally important to have a plan and strategy for self care as a mom and dad of a special needs child. Today Jay answers a host of questions sent in by parents of special needs children.

From strategies for self care to tips for communication and bonding as a husband and wife, Jay shares the wisdom from his experiences as the parent of a child with cancer and the foster/adoptive parent of several children who experienced severe trauma.

Resources Mentioned:

The Northumbria Prayer Community

Self Care After a Crisis

Raising Kids in a Screen Saturated World with Eliza Huie

Sponsor Affiliate: Become a Supporter of Let’s Parent on Purpose! https://www.letsparentonpurpose.com/support

220. Freedom from the Feelings Freight Train

Sun, 04 Apr 2021 07:05:00 +0000

Feelings are important, but they should not master our lives. As we live in a society that idolizes feelings, we need a way to train ourselves and our children to make healthy decisions not driven by feelings. Jay walks through an exercise that will help you reframe the story around your experiences. By doing so, you can remove feelings from the driver’s seat and make healthier decisions.

Sponsor Affiliate:

Become a Supporter of Let’s Parent on Purpose! https://www.letsparentonpurpose.com/support

219. When Your Child is the Bully with Crystal Paine

Sun, 28 Mar 2021 07:05:00 +0000

Nobody wants to get the call from school that your child is the bully and is being expelled. As a parent you are forced to deal with so many complex emotions at once. What is going on with my child? What does this say about me as a parent? How can I trust God through this struggle? Crystal Paine shares her vulnerable story of how bullying by her child opened the door to her transformed relationship with God.

Guest Bio:

Crystal Paine is the founder of MoneySavingMom.com, host of “The Crystal Paine Show” podcast, New York Times bestselling author of Say Goodbye to Survival Mode, and author of MoneyMaking Mom. Her desire is to help women across the globe live with more joy, purpose, and intention in their everyday lives. She lives with her husband and kids in the Nashville, Tennessee area, where she is actively involved in her local church. Crystal’s new book, Love-Centered Parenting: The No-Fail Guide to Launching Your Kids (Bethany House, March 2021) shares her raw account of how she shifted her parenting focus from performance to unconditional love, and transformed her relationships with God, her husband, and her children in the process.

Resources Mentioned

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MoneySavingMom

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themoneysavingmom/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/moneysavingmom

Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/msmblog/_created/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/moneysavingmom

Website: https://moneysavingmom.com

Crystal’s New Book - Love-Centered Parenting: https://www.amazon.com/Love-Centered-Parenting-No-Fail-Guide-Launching/dp/0764237225

Sponsor Affiliate:

Become a Supporter of Let’s Parent on Purpose! https://www.letsparentonpurpose.com/support

218. Sibling Rilvary With Brian Neal

Sun, 21 Mar 2021 07:05:00 +0000

We don’t make it past the fourth chapter of the Bible before sibling rivalry becomes an area of angst and heartbreak for moms and dads. Even if your kids are not as bad as Cain and Able, the arguing, competition, and fighting can be a major drain. Licensed Therapist Brian Neal joins me to discuss the different origins of sibling silvery (including sin), general strategies to bring harmony to your household, and then answers to specific questions from parents (bossy children, fair vs. equal, competing brothers, and more).

Brian Neal is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) with the state of Delaware and Florida. He completed his undergraduate degree in Aeronautical Technology at Purdue University and received a Master’s of Science degree in Counseling Psychology from Palm Beach Atlantic University.

After transitioning from the aerospace industry at 45 years old, Brian gathered experience in counseling by working at a teen treatment center, community-based agency, church counseling center, and now runs his own private practice, True Course Counseling. Brian is a member of the South Florida Association of Christian Counselors and Focus on Family Christian Counselor Network.

Resources Mentioned:

https://truecoursecounseling.com

www.focusonthefamily.org

www.familylifetoday.org

www.christianparenting.com

Sponsor Affiliate:

Become a Supporter of Let’s Parent on Purpose! https://www.letsparentonpurpose.com/support

217. Worry, Anxiety, and Emotional Vocabulary with Sissy Goff

Sun, 14 Mar 2021 15:01:37 +0000

The number of children and teens who experience high levels of anxiety has tripled over the last several years, and that’s before adding in the stress of Covid-19. Author and counselor Sissy Goff shares many of the social and cultural factors contributing to our children’s high levels of anxiety. She also equips parents with tools to help their children lower and manage stress and anxiety, including the development of an emotional vocabulary, perspective, empathy, and resourcefulness. Lastly, we speak on the how the Gospel changes our daily struggles with worry and anxiety.

Guest Bio:

SISSY GOFF, M.Ed., LPC-MHSP is the Director of Child and Adolescent Counseling at Daystar Counseling Ministries in Nashville, Tennessee, where she works alongside her counseling assistant/pet therapist, Lucy the Havanese. Since 1993, she has been helping girls and their parents find confidence in who they are and hope in who God is making them to be, both as individuals and families. Sissy is a sought-after speaker for parenting events and the author of twelve books, including the bestselling Raising Worry-Free Girls and Braver, Stronger, Smarter (for elementary aged girls) and her new release for teenage girls, Brave. Sissy is a regular contributor to various podcasts and publications as well as her own podcast called Raising Boys and Girls. You can find more information and resources at raisingboysandgirls.com .

Resources Mentioned

Sissy’s website: www.raisingboysandgirls.com

www.daystarcounseling.com

Sissy’s book - Brave, a Teen Girl’s Guide to Beating Worry and Anxiety

Sissy’s book - Are My Kids on Track? The 12 Emotional, Spiritual, and Social Milestones your Child Needs to Reach

Sissy’s Book - Raising Worry Free Girls

Sissy’s Book - Braver, Stronger, Smarter (for elementary aged girls)

Sponsor Affiliate: CP Give Spring drive www.cpgive.org

216. Talking To Your Children About Sexuality and Gender Identity with Dr. Sean McDowell

Sun, 07 Mar 2021 08:05:00 +0000

The speed and intensity of the cultural shift towards affirming every type of sexual attraction and gender identity has left many parents struggling to keep up.

Dr. Sean McDowell, a renowned Christian Apologist and author of the new book Chasing Love: Sex, Love, and Relationships in a Confused Culture joins us to help guide moms and dads on how to have grace and truth filled conversations with their children. We discuss the importance of encouraging our kids to trust God, how to gracefully love their LGBTQ friends, and how to respond if our own children are struggling with attractions and identity.

Dr. Sean McDowell is a gifted communicator with a passion for equipping the church, and in particular young people, to make the case for the Christian faith. Sean is the author and co-author of over twenty books including his newest one, Chasing Love: Sex, Love, and Relationships in a Confused Culture. Sean is an Associate Professor in the Christian Apologetics program at Talbot School of Theology, Biola University. He and his wife Stephanie have three children.

Resources Mentioned www.seanmcdowell.org https://twitter.com/Sean_McDowell

https://www.youtube.com/user/Seanmcdowell76

Chasing Love: Sex, Love, and Relationships in a Confused Culture: https:// amzn.to/3jmI299

Evidence that Demands a Verdict: Life-Changing Truth for a Skeptical World: https://amzn.to/3pQfuaG

Critical Conversations: A Christian Parent’s Guide to Discussing Homosexuality with Teens https://amzn.to/3pVCK7i

Irreversible Damage: The Transgender Craze Seducing Our Daughters: https://amzn.to/3cG7Ewp

New California Health Standards Lack Diversity, Inclusion, and Openness: https://seanmcdowell.org/blog/new-california-health-standards-lack diversity-inclusion-and-openness

Sponsor Affiliate:

Become a Supporter of Let’s Parent on Purpose! https://www.letsparentonpurpose.com/support

215. The Death of a Spouse and Single Parenting with Jonathan Pitts

Sun, 28 Feb 2021 08:05:00 +0000

When Pastor and Author Jonathan Pitts’ wife of sixteen years died suddenly, he found himself thrust into a season of grief while also trying to navigate as a single parent. His wife Wynter had been his ministry partner, chief counselor, as well as an incredible mom for their four girls. In this conversation, Jonathan shares his journey of grief, provision, hope, and community. He encourages those who are grieving or parenting alone, and also gives great council for two parent families in how to minister to single parents.

Jonathan Pitts is an author, speaker and the executive pastor at Church of the City in Franklin, Tennessee. He previously served as the executive director at the Urban Alternative, the national ministry of Dr. Tony Evans. Jonathan has co-authored two books alongside his late wife, Wynter Pitts. He is also President and co-founder of For Girls Like You Ministries, an equipping and resourcing ministry for tween girls and their parents. Jonathan is the father of four daughters and was blessed with fifteen intentional years of marriage to Wynter.

See more from Jonathan - https://jonathanpitts.net

The Journey Podcast - https://apple.co/3sFfQlz

My Wynter Season: Seeing God’s Faithfulness in the Shadow of Grief: https://amzn.to/3pSkrj2

Sponsor Affiliate: Hopegivers Stories of Hope Podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stories-of-hope-with-dr-samuel-thomas/id1545599796

214. Parenting is Really Hard!

Sun, 21 Feb 2021 08:05:00 +0000

Before we have children, people tell us that parenting is really hard. But it’s not until you get into the midst of your parenting journey that you realize just how many challenges you face in building a thriving family.

Jay talks about four factors that make parenting so difficult:

1) Your family is filled with sinful humans,

2) Mother Nature is trying to kill us,

3) The world is not helpful, and

4) You are in a spiritual battle.

Once we’ve identified the myriad of challenges, Jay offers hope and encouragement from God’s Word in this installment of our Parenting Challenges series.

Sponsor Affiliate: Hopegivers Stories of Hope Podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stories-of-hope-with-dr-samuel-thomas/id1545599796

213. Defining Womanhood for Our Girls with Bethany Beal

Sun, 14 Feb 2021 08:05:00 +0000

It’s imperative that our daughters and sons have a solid understanding of identity, femininity, and beauty from a godly perspective! Author and speaker Bethany Neal joins me as we speak on crafting a definition and vision for biblical womanhood that will help our children through elementary, the preteen and teenage years, and all the way into adulthood. This conversation will not only give you a vision for Biblical Womanhood, but also specific language and vocabulary to help encourage your children along the path.

Bethany Beal is head-over-heels in love with her best friend and husband, David, and is the super proud mommy of Davey Jr. She is the cofounder of GirlDefined Ministries and is passionate about spreading the truth of biblical womanhood through writing, speaking, and mentoring young women. To her family and close friends, she is simply a tall blonde girl who is obsessed with iced lattes and can’t get enough of her sweet baby Davey Jr.

Connect with Bethany!

• The website: https://www.girldefined.com/

• The blog: https://www.girldefined.com/blog

• The books: https://www.girldefined.com/the-books

• The youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCww9VDOBh5hfnsN6pPE6NpA

• The podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-girl-defined-show/id1539982603

Sponsor Affiliate: Hopegivers Stories of Hope Podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stories-of-hope-with-dr-samuel-thomas/id1545599796

212. The Oversized Influence of Dad with Dr. Ron Archer

Sun, 07 Feb 2021 08:05:00 +0000

Dr. Ron Archer shares his powerful life story and then addresses the incredible influence that a father has in a home. We speak to the level of spiritual gravity the dad has in comparison to the rest of the household members. Dr. Archer offers words of encouragement for spiritually engaged fathers: be present, be attentive, be affirming, be consistent, and be committed. He also encourages moms who parent with either spiritually passive or absent fathers on how to find and encourage godly male mentors in their children’s lives.

Ron Archeris a world-renowned inspirational speaker, business executive, and author. He has advised several U.S. presidents and trained top executives of multiple Fortune 500 companies, in addition to leaders in the military. His debut biography and life story of poverty, hardship, and overcoming all odds—What Belief Can Do—was published in February 2020, also from Salem Books. He has traveled the globe inspiring millions with his testimony and currently reaches more than 250,000 people a year through his speaking engagements.

Resources Mentioned:

www.ronarcher.com

Ron’s TV Show Ask The Pastor: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jdSyou2aDxg&feature=youtu.be

Ron’s Book “The Power of One Man” : https://amzn.to/3icwuVs

211. Your Friends Determine Your Direction and Future

Sun, 31 Jan 2021 07:00:00 +0000

In the first episode of my new series on Parenting Challenges, I address the truth that “Our friends determine the direction and quality of our lives”. In a unique episode designed for parents to listen to with their children, we discuss how to identify toxic relationships, represented by the acronym MAD GAS (Manipulator, Addict, Deceiver, Gossip, Arguer, and Slug). We then determine the character qualities of a JET PACK friendship (Joyful, Encourager, Trustworthy, Peacemaker, Active, Christ Centered, and Kingdom Minded).

Resources Mentioned:

Sponsor Affiliate:

The Hopegivers Stories of Hope Podcast

210. Focus on Your Systems, Not Your Goals

Sun, 24 Jan 2021 08:05:00 +0000

Every year we make goals that never happen. The problem is not our goals, it’s our systems. As the saying goes “your habits are perfectly suited to give you the life you have.” By learning to focus on our systems, we open the door for radical change in our spiritual life, families, and personal health.

Resources Mentioned:

Episode 207 Your Future Self Will Thank You With Drew Dyck

Episode 208 Cultivating Self Control In Your Children With Drew Dyck

Episode 209 Routines for Faith Formation In Our Children with Kenneth Kuhn

Sponsor Affiliate: The Hopegivers Stories of Hope Podcast

209. Routines for Faith Formation with Ken Kuhn

Sun, 17 Jan 2021 08:05:00 +0000

Faith is built through consistent, small interactions. My guest Ken Kuhn shares how to use meal times, bed times, and other regular routines to strengthen your child’s faith. Through regular questions, prayers of blessings and simple spiritual habits, you can slowly grow your children into the men and women of God who will be a blessing to the world.

Ken Kuhn is a Christian education specialist, former family ministry pastor, and coach who focuses on helping young families share Jesus with their kids from a very young age. He is the author of several resources that are intended for parents to use with their children, including the devotional prayer book May They Be Blessed.

Resources: May They Be Blessed Book Link Constant Source Website Link Family Devotional Link

Sponsor Affiliate:The Hopegivers Stories of Hope Podcast

208. Cultivating Self Control in Children with Drew Dyck

Sun, 10 Jan 2021 08:05:00 +0000

Show Notes: Author Drew Dyck is back to discuss encouraging self control and willpower in our children. We discuss the difficulties of inspiring self control in young people who do not yet see its merits. Drew shares practical strategies for strengthening self disciple and self control for our children with school, chores, and even their relationships with one another. We also discuss the importance of modeling these behaviors as the adults in our households.

Drew Dyckis an editor at Moody Publishers and the former managing editor of Leadership Journal. His work has been featured in USA Today, The Huffington Post, Christianity Today, and CNN.com. Drew is the author of Generation Ex-Christian, Yawning at Tigers, and Your Future Self Will Thank You: Secrets to Self-Control from the Bible and Brain Science. He lives with his wife Grace, and their three children near Portland, Oregon. Connect with Drew at drewdyck.comor on Twitter @DrewDyck.

Resources Mentioned Episode 207 Your Future Self Will Thank You

Your Future Self Will Thank You by Drew Dyck

www.drewdyck.com

Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones by James Clear

Sponsor Affiliate: The Hopegivers Stories of Hope

207. Your Future Self Will Thank You with Drew Dyck

Sun, 03 Jan 2021 08:05:00 +0000

We're starting off the New Year with a discussion on willpower and self-control and the Bible and science behind it, with author Drew Dyck.

Show Highlights

Drew Dyck is an editor at Moody Publishers and the former managing editor of Leadership Journal. His work has been featured in USA Today, the Huffington Post, Christianity Today, and CNN.com. Drew is the author of Generation Ex-Christian and Yawning at Tigers. He lives with his wife Grace and their three children near Portland, Oregon.

As we all prepare for the New Year, Drew reminds us, don't despise the small resolutions. Start with two or, even better, just focus on one. You only have so much willpower. Start small but consistent, and if you can power through that 30-60 days of habit formation, it will be cemented in your life. That's when you can start forming another habit. If you approach it in their incremental way, you'll have far more success.

Drew was moved to write his book because he realized that he himself needed to grow in the area of self-control. As he start reading about willpower and building healthy habits, he started wondering what he was reading could also help others, especially from the scripture perspective.

Where does scripture play in to self-control and willpower? Drew says, most secular self-help books can be effective, but they do not address one major thing: your priorities. As Christians, we want to have our faith and values, to love God and love our neighbor, as the core motivation for everything that we are doing, even the mundane things should be tied to their spiritual significance.

Drew also points out that though the scripture is filled with stories of struggle, of difficult things that we have to go through, God is always with us. This is not something we can do ourselves. We need the empowerment of God, striving with His spirit, not against it.

Try nailing down where you want to use your willpower by identifying your keystone habits. A keystone habit is one that is not only beneficial in and of itself, but a habit that is beneficial across the spectrum of your life.

For instance, nightly family dinners are observed to have benefits for marriages to last longer, kids to have better grades and more. Exercise is another keystone habit. You not only get healthier, but you also start eating better and your productivity will increase. Another keystone habit, just five minutes of prayer and meditation, can increase your self-control for the day. Bible reading and church attendance are other keystone habits.

Resources Mentioned

If you find this podcast helpful, you can subscribe and click here to find past topics and free resources. Feel free to share with others, as well! If you would like to help support Let’s Parent on Purpose, you can do so by becoming a patron.

I send a weekly email called “Things for Thursday” and it includes things I’ve found helpful related to parenting, marriage, and sometimes just things I find funny! You can sign up for “Things for Thursday” by joining my newsletter on my homepage.

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

206. The Child of a Murderer becomes an Orphan Leader with Dr. Samuel Thomas

Sun, 27 Dec 2020 08:05:00 +0000

For our last episode of the year, and of the Stories of Hope series, you're going to hear the story of Puja, a girl who was taken into a Hope home after her mother murdered her father. Her life is a testament to God's transformative power through Christ. If you enjoy this conversation with Dr. Samuel Thomas, check out the new podcast, Stories of Hope, debuting on Jan. 6.

Show Highlights

Dr. Samuel Thomas is known throughout India as a leading humanitarian. As president and CEO of Hopegivers, Dr. Thomas helps connect those with a ministry heart in the western world with those in greatest need inIndia and South Asia. The ministry of Hopegivers, started by Dr. Thomas’ father M.A. Thomas, has planted over 70,000 churches and cared for more than 10,000 orphans in the last sixty years. Dr. Samuel, along with his wife Shelly, have two sons, Timothy and Stephen.

I met Puja through Dr. Samuel when I visited Hopegivers in India. He first met her mother when Dr. Samuel himself was in jail. Puja's mother was brought in for murdering her husband who had been abusing her for years. The mother recognized Dr. Samuel as someone who often came to her village as a missionary. Knowing that she would be imprisoned for the rest of her life, the mother asked Dr. Samuel to have someone from Hopegivers to take her ten-year-old child into their orphanage.

When Dr. Samuel was released from prison, he was finally able to meet Puja. She was grateful for being taken care of at the orphanage, with the ambition to become a policewoman so that she could ensure that her murdered father gets the justice he deserves.

Years later, when Dr. Samuel encountered her again, Puja wanted to become a missionary. She said, her time at the orphanage had taught her to forgive her mother and that Jesus had died for her. She wanted to share that good news with others. She is now in charge of 118 boys at an orphanage.

Puja now hopes that her mother can make bail and be released from prison so she can come help at the orphanage. That is the joy of knowing Christ.

There is nothing that you've been through that Jesus can't redeem.

Resources Mentioned

Website: www.hopegivers.org

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

205. A Soviet Refugee, a Harvard Grad, and a Disciple of Jesus with Andrew Engleman

Sun, 20 Dec 2020 08:05:00 +0000

The hand of God is absolutely sovereign. Even if you find yourself in circumstances that do not make sense to you, God is moving and God is working. He is not done with you, your children, and your family.

Show Highlights

Andrew grew up post World War 2 Russian Speaking Soviet refugee. He spent his childhood in a refugee camp in Australia before immigrating to the United States in 1958 as a teenager. His education and business career in Chemicals and Plastics took him to San Francisco, New York, Indonesia, Singapore, Malaysia, Hong Kong, Harvard Business School, and throughout South America. Most importantly, he became a follower of Jesus through the young woman who has been his wife for fifty years, Andrea. The Engelmans have two daughters, five grandchildren, and split their time between their south Florida home and the northern states where their children and grandkids live.

As a refugee in Australia at the young age of five, Andrew grew up in a situation that was far different and more difficult than that of most children. Through persistence and determination, he made it to the US as a teenager. His stint in the Peace Corps brought him to Iran.

It was in New York that he met his future wife, Andrea, who he saw one day at the rooftop of their apartment building, reading the Book of Romans. That's when he started to commit himself to the Lord.

It was important for Andrew for his children to be believers and for them to marry believers as well so that they would have someone to go through stresses and strains of a secular world with.

As a business man, Andrew also noticed how the normal standards and principles for people to get ahead in the business world are contrary to the ways of God.

My reliance on my faith and my wife sharpened me in those times when my flesh would prevail over my spirit.

Looking back on his experiences, Andrew says, "If there's a message that I can give... it's for young people to be relentless in the pursuit of something that interests them, to put themselves in situations of deep water so they can understand their full potential, and to be in the word as much as possible."

Andrew's life experiences are not ones that would usually lead towards the Lord, but it's obvious that the Lord was already moving in his life, leading him eventually to become a believer. Because his own spiritual grow was slow, Andrew values the idea of starting children's spiritual growth early and young.

Put your children in the environment of youth groups and fellowships with other believers so they can develop their Christian worldview.

[bctt tweet="My reliance on my faith and my wife sharpened me in those times when my flesh would prevail over my spirit." username="jaydholland"]

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

204. Losing a Child Isn't the Last Word with Diana Grounds

Sun, 13 Dec 2020 08:05:00 +0000

Diana Grounds is one of my heroes. As a parent, she has endured more trials and challenges than most of us ever will. Yet, she is still filled with the joy of Jesus like very few people I have ever known and she is one of the best examples of keeping hope and faith through it all.

Show Highlights

Diana Grounds is a mother of four children, two of which have proceeded her to heaven. She and Charles, her husband of 53 years, have followed Jesus through the death of one son to leukemia, another daughter to a heart condition, the brain aneurysms of a third child, and a terrifying path of drugs and rebellion for a forth child. Diana’s hope in Jesus radiates through her severe trials. She has served in various roles at Fellowship Baptist Church in Barboursville, WV, and is a national speaker with the Christian Women’s Connection.

Through everything Diana had been through with each of her children, she finally came to realize: "I have to take God at his word." Trust in Him and lift up to Him what we have no control over.

Clinging to the words in the Bible, she learned, "I did not have to be afraid because He is God. I don't have to be dismayed or discouraged because He is my God." God will provide the strength and help you need.

Just experiencing one of these challenges is overwhelming enough, but the difficult situations strengthened Diana's faith in God's promises. "I could praise the Lord even with our son and daughters' illnesses."

It was harder to deal with her eldest daughter becoming addicted to drugs because she felt somehow responsible for it as a parent. To overcome this, Diana actively looked for ways to help her daughter towards recovery. She ended up having her daughter arrested and committed to a home. It was a difficult decision to make, but a necessary one. "I was able to place her in God's care, expecting Him to accomplish what I couldn't." Knowing that God could do what she could not released a lot of guilt from Diana as a mother.

No parent wants to – or should – have to bury their own child. Diana had to bury two. Still, she has also witnessed big and small moments of God's blessings. "His grace is sufficient."

[bctt tweet="I could praise the Lord even with our son and daughters' illnesses." username="jaydholland"]

Resources Mentioned

Sponsor Affiliate: Christian Parenting
Website: http://www.christianwomenconnection.org

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

203. From the Battlefield to U.S. Congress with Rep. Brian Mast

Sun, 06 Dec 2020 08:05:00 +0000

To begin our new series, Stories of Hope, I can't think of a more hopeful testimony to begin with than Rep. Brian Mast who survived an IED explosion in Afghanistan, overcame the loss of both his legs, and now serves in the United States Congress.

Show Highlights

Congressman Brian Mast is in his second term representing the 18th Congressional District of Florida. Prior to his election to Congress, Brian followed in his father’s footsteps by serving in the U.S. Army for more than 12 years, earning medals including The Bronze Star Medal, The Army Commendation Medal for Valor, The Purple Heart Medal, and The Defense Meritorious Service Medal. While deployed in Afghanistan, he worked as a bomb disposal expert under the elite Joint Special Operations Command. The last improvised explosive device that he found resulted in catastrophic injuries, which included the loss of both of his legs. While lying in bed recovering at Walter Reed Medical Center, Brian’s father gave him advice that has stuck with him to this day--to ensure the greatest service he gave to our country and the best example he set for his children was still ahead of him. Brian took this advice to heart and dedicated himself to finding new ways to serve our country and his community.

As a bomb technician in the military, Brian knew that his job was inherently dangerous. Like those in law enforcement, first responders, and firefighters, Brian says you know the risks, then you take the time to learn how to mitigate the risks.

You can't totally avoid all of them, but you realize that you are serving something more important than yourself, so the risks are acceptable to you. "If something happens to you, it will be without regret because of what you are serving."

He adds, having you family's support matters a lot as you enter a difficult and dangerous responsibility.

Brian had a wife and new born baby when he encountered a serious accident on the battlefield. He says, the struggle beyond physical pain is the psychological pain of the unknown. At that point, losing both his legs made him question his purpose of life, and whether he would ever be able to carry kids or play ball with them.

One thought that kept him going while he was bedridden was: How do I still serve my country and continue to set a good example for kids?

Eventually, Brian found himself fighting on a new battlefield – the congress, fighting with words and ideology over a better direction for the country.

Losing his legs not only changed Brian's future, but also his relationship with God. He says, "Every miracle in the bible was not a passive miracle." Everybody who received a miracle had to do something actively despite being uncertain as they were doing it.

This became a turning point in Brian's life, realizing that he had to be an active part of learning to walk again.

From everything he has been through, Brian leaves us with two questions: Do you have courage in your life to be bold, daring, brave, to go out into the unknown? Do you have the will, drive, and fortitude to do everything you can do to make sure you don't fail at the dreams you have courage to pursue?

Resources Mentioned

Brian's website: https://mast.house.gov
Website: Operation 300
Website: Believe with Me
Facebook: 25 United Disaster Relief

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

202. Hope and Freedom from Pornography Addiction with Shane O'Neill

Sun, 29 Nov 2020 08:05:00 +0000

Pornography is becoming an issue for younger and younger Christian youth – and a challenge for their parents. For our final episode in the Technology and Family series, we talk about this often hard-to-breach subject, with a message of freedom and hope from guest Shane O'Neill.

Show Highlights

Shane O’Neill is the host of The Naked Gospel podcast. He is also the Editorial Director for Proven Ministries, a non-profit, sexual integrity organization that partners with individuals, churches, and organizations to see men, women, and families discover Jesus’ freedom. Shane is currently working on a graduate degree in apologetics at Liberty University’s Rawling School of Divinity.

"I needed to re-imagine with a biblical ethic the value of my body," Shane says on his own addiction. Our addictions often stem from the need to anesthetize ourselves from pain or as a stimulant, just like a drug.

Pornography, especially in the technological age, has everything needed to form a habit – being obvious, easy, attractive, and rewarding in an immediate way. Getting over the addiction means taking time to re-train these habits.

Your kids' devices are constantly being updated with apps and it gets easier and easier for them to view pornography, even accidentally, at a younger age. Understandably, when a parent catches their child watching porn, the immediate response is to scold them, but remember that often a child stumbling upon pornography for the first time is usually just exploring or expressing wonder. Instead, try to sit down and have a serious conversation with them to answer their questions about intimacy.

Parents can go through a range of emotions dealing with their kids' exposure to pornography. There is fear for the path of addiction they might go down; guilt that they did not protect their children well enough; shame of making their kids feel dirty in their response.

Process this situation with your child in a healthy way. There are ways to walk with your child though this. There are practical ways to deal with technology, but even more so, show your kids that intimacy can be beautiful with marriage. Rather than having them look for answers to their questions elsewhere, be there to answer their questions in a healthy way.

[bctt tweet="I needed to re-imagine with a biblical ethic the value of my body" username="jaydholland"]

Resources Mentioned

Sponsor affiliate: Hopegivers
Website: www.provenmen.org
Podcast: The Naked Gospel
Book: Your Brain on Porn by Gary Wilson
Book: Good Pictures, Bad Pictures by Kristen Jenson
Previous episode: The Prodigal Son Comes Home with Shane O'Neill

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

201. Raising Kids in a Screen-Saturated World with Eliza Huie

Sun, 22 Nov 2020 08:05:00 +0000

In today's world, we and our children are bombarded by screens. Eliza Huie shows us how we can raise kids in a screen saturated world. She also reveals what the real enemy is – and it's not technology

Show Highlights

Eliza is the Director of Counseling at McLean Bible Church in Virginia and the Dean of Biblical Counseling at Metro Baltimore Seminary. As a licensed counselor with biblical training, she brings expertise to the challenges parents face in a way that emphasizes organic gospel connections. Eliza and her husband Ken raised three children and recently had the joy of adding a daughter-in-law to their family. She is the author of Raising Kids in a Screen-Saturated World, Raising Teens in a Hyper-Sexualized World, and The Whole Life 52-Weeks of Biblical Self-Care available summer 2021.

Most of us parents right now are not digital natives. We didn't grow up with screens everywhere, so we need a little guidance on how to navigate technology in our homes.

Now it's common for a kid to have more than one gadget! Because of the COVID situation right now, their world is surrounded by screens from schooling to socialization. Eliza says, parents need to realize that this is a season and it's not always going to be like this.

It's just the reality that screens are a necessity in your kid's life right now, but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't still exercise healthy habits and parameters when it comes to using them. Too much can lead to feelings of disconnection from our family and children.

Eliza reminds parents, not all screen time is created equal. If your child has to be online on a Zoom class, that doesn't count as leisure screen time. Sometimes your kids really need to connect with their friends online. But, when you notice them getting screen fatigue – headaches, eye strain, difficulty sleeping – you might need to regulate even their necessary screen time.

Model digital discipline and courtesy. Even if we are all working from home, on our computers, try your best to be available for face to face interaction when your kids are in the room. Let them see that you put your phone away and you have your own limits when it comes to using tech.

Before you hand over a new device to your child, have three important conversations: set the parameters and the conditions around it, like appropriate times and places to use it; talk to them about confidentiality; have the conversation about cost – even if it's a gift. Help them budget their data and the time they spend online. It's important your kids know that having a device is a privilege, not an entitlement.

The devices and screens are not the enemy. Eliza says, the enemy is the enemy of our souls. Don't look at screens as evil, rather think of how you can use them in a positive way that promotes good in your family.

[bctt tweet="not all screen time is created equal." username="jaydholland"]

Resources Mentioned

Sponsor affiliate: Hopegivers
Eliza's Website: http://www.elizahuie.com
Eliza's Twitter: https://twitter.com/ElizaJaneHuie
Eliza's Books: Raising Kids in a Screen-Saturated World and Raising Teens in a Hyper-Sexualized World
Previous episode: A Homeschooling Peptalk with Eliza Huie
Previous episode: Raising Teens in a Hyper-Sexualized World with Eliza Huie

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

200. The Most Important Thing for Moms and Dads

Sun, 15 Nov 2020 08:05:00 +0000

Studies have shown that the average teen is in church maybe 50 hours a year, but they get about 3,000 hours a year with their parents. What happens in the home is so impactful on a child's spiritual life. As a youth minister, I find it so important to connect not just with young people, but to their moms and dads too. That's how the idea for this podcast started. Now, Let's Parent on Purpose is on its 200th episode!

Show Highlights

Through all the parenting struggles I've gone through as a father and a foster father, I've learned that the most important thing as a parent is this: believe in the gospel. Believe the gospel in its entirety.

As parents, I want to point you back to the reality that the most important thing in your life is not your bank account or your service at church, or even how well your kids are doing. The most important thing in your life is the reality that Jesus died for your sins and he rose again. Put your faith and trust in Jesus.

Many of us believe that gospel, and know that Jesus died for our sins and when we die He will take us to heaven, but we forget to believe the gospel in the moment as it applies to our daily life.

Believing the gospel in the day to day will radically change your narrative as you walk through any event.

Romans 8:1 "There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." However crappy of a parent you were this week, there is no condemnation for you. God is not sitting in heaven rating your righteousness. Even if you may have failed today in your parenting, ask yourself: How do I think about that in light of the fact that Jesus died and rose again?
In Romans 8 we also learn that God sends his Holy Spirit to dwell within us. There is nothing that God would require in your life that He is not there and empowering you to do.
God prays to God for you. You are not alone. God is interceding on your behalf.
One of the greatest verses in the Bible is Romans 8:28 "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good." You can believe that gospel that what ever is happening in your life, if you love God and you belong to Jesus, all of those things will work together for your good.
Romans 8:29 "For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His son in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers." What does good look like to God? It is for you to be conformed to the image of Jesus. God is working all your victories and trials together to make you more like Jesus.
"If God is for us, who can be against us?"

When you believe the gospel, it changes how you parent. Because you believe that you are not alone and you are not separated from the love of God.

[bctt tweet="Believe the gospel in its entirety." username="jaydholland"]

Resources Mentioned

Sponsor affiliate: Hopegivers
Website: Christian Parenting

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

199. My Key Takeaways from The Social Dilemma Documentary

Sun, 08 Nov 2020 08:05:00 +0000

Netflix recently released a documentary called the Social Dilemma. This is film is part interview, part family drama, part recreation of the Pixar Movie Inside Out.

In interviews with some of the primary behavioral and software engineers of Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest, we learn how these products are not only designed to be addictive, but also to change user’s behavior.

I think every parent who is on social media needs to watch, and every parent of a child who is on social media should watch it with their children. Here are some of my key takeaways from the documentary.

Show Highlights

The drug industry and the social media industry are the only two industries that refer to their customers as "users." But, you may not realize that you are not the customer of the social media industry. As a customer, you would have to be paying for the product, but someone else is – advertisers. With social media, you are the product. Advertisers pay social media platforms to influence you into long term behavioral change.

As parents, it is alarming to know that our kids are not sophisticated enough to pick up on the nuance that social media is manipulating them like a tool.

Posts become engaging when they are shocking, outrageous, or incites strong emotions. Social media also tends to show you more and more of what you are biased towards. This makes us eventually see things only from one side and view the other side with contempt.

What makes conversation more difficult than contempt? This is being fueled by the social media platforms that we are on.

Protecting our children's privacy is another very important consideration when it comes to social media. But, social media is reaching a point where it's not just about your privacy. It's about changing who you are – ever more so with your kids.

Together with the normalization of young people having their own gadgets and being on social media at an early age, as a youth pastor I have noticed a much higher rate of pornography addiction among young men and women, higher rates of self-esteem issues and suicide than ever before.

To be a good example to my kids, I have deleted my social media apps from my phone so that I am not compelled to check notifications all day. If I want to get on my social media accounts, I have to wait to get on my computer at home. I have found that being on social media less has made me more engaged with actual human beings. I want to model to my children that this is not something that has to rule our life.

Think about how social media has changed your behavior and attitude. Has it raised your level of jealousy? Has it raised your level of isolation or loneliness? Has it raised your level of true connectedness? If you see unhealthy fruits from your habits, maybe you have to go on a social media diet.

Resources Mentioned

Sponsor affiliate: Hopegivers
Article: “The Social Dilemma - My Top 9 Top Takeaways from the Netflix Documentary” by Catherine N. Wright
Documentary: The Social Dilemma

198. Technology is Not the Devil with Scott Pleasants

Sun, 01 Nov 2020 07:05:00 +0000

Technology is an ever-present entity in our lives and sometimes we can become scared of it, but there are also several wonderful things made possible by it. This new series tackles various aspects of technology and how it navigate through it with your family.

Show Highlights

Scott Pleasants is currently the Strategic Innovations Advisor for Innovate Lynchburg where he is responsible for helping businesses with technology and helping tech-based entrepreneurs with their go-to-market strategies.

Before being named SAI, Scott was the CIO for TRBC World-wide and the Director of Engineering Technology and Operations for the Liberty University School of Engineering and Computational Sciences.

Even if Scott is a tech guy and his family is inevitably hooked on their own gadgets, they still make it a point to put their technology down and spend time together, take a hike, or enjoy sometime unplugged – "and not make it the center of our lives," says Scott.

That said, Scott says, technology in itself is not bad – there are just people who do bad things with it. In fact, we can do major good with the technology we have.

Technology and platforms should be tools for you to use. You should not be a slave to it. Empower your kids to use these platforms for good using these tools.

Scott suggests not allowing kids to have technology in their own rooms. Make sure that the technology is in a common area and there are no secrets.

Encourage a healthy use of technology. Let your kids know that they are not being given restrictions because you are treating them like children. They should understand that these precautions are meant to protect them and it is for the whole family's safety.

Technology can be dangerous, so as parents, really sit down with your family and have a serious conversation about how you are going to use technology. Ask you kids, how can you do good with the technology that you have?

[bctt tweet="technology in itself is not bad – there are just people who do bad things with it." username="jaydholland"]

Resources Mentioned

Sponsor affiliate: Hopegivers
Service: Apple Family Sharing
DNS Filtering - blocks malicious or forbidden websites
App: Bark - parental control tool
App: Circle - parental control tool
Sophos - cybersecurity
Life 360 - family safety service

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

197. Generations of Generosity with Lisa Gibson

Sun, 25 Oct 2020 05:00:00 +0000

To wrap up this series on Money Matters, I wanted to talk about the power of service and generosity in the family and how transformative that could be. In this episode, Lisa Gibson talks about the impact of three generations of generosity and serving as a family.

Show Highlights

Lisa Gibson is a wife to Brent, the mother of three, and follower of Jesus. She’s an active member of Covenant Fellowship Baptist Church, and also happens to be my wife Emily’s sister. Lisa was profoundly shaped by her parent’s reliance on the Lord and generosity with others, and she and Brent are seeking to model the same spirit in their household.

Learning from her own father's generosity, Lisa saw first-hand how it can change lives. She remembers him saying "Ask the Lord to show you people who you can be a blessing to." There is no shortage of people who need your help.

In her own family, Lisa and her husband Brent strive to intentionally guide their children in putting feet to their faith on a regular basis.

As a family, they host a life group each week, which entails the kids in the family to make small sacrifices like sharing their rooms with others to make space for the group to gather and study the Bible. The Gibson family has also fostered children.

They make sure to do a variety of hands-on activities that instill the value of service in their kids, such as cleaning the church cafe once a week and inviting some of the older people in the community over to dinner.

At the same time, remember that you can't schedule out every moment of your family's lives. Leave some space for growth and development, and just time together.

While Lisa sees how her children want to serve in their own different ways, she knows there is more room for growth and she believes that the Lord will enable this in their hearts.

[bctt tweet=""Ask the Lord to show you people who you can be a blessing to." There is no shortage of people who need your help." username="jaydholland"]

Resources Mentioned

Sponsor affiliate: Hopegivers
Previous episode: Episode 123: Creating a Plan for Summer Growth

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

196. Teaching Kids to Be Smart with Money

Sun, 18 Oct 2020 04:03:00 +0000

Parents are often hesitant to talk to their children about sex and money on a personal level. The lack of serious money talkleads to kids who don't know what their parents make and much worse, what things cost. This often gives our kids a skewed perspective of the reality of money and finances.

Show Highlights

It is important to be intentional in teaching your kids about money. Financial wisdom doesn’t come from a lesson, but from hundreds of experiences wisely processed. It is not just important to go through certain experiences, but to process them and learn from them.

Don't automatically bail your kids out of foolish decisions that they make when it comes to money. Praise God for foolish decisions! There's nothing better for a young person to go through than a foolish decision that they own. It will teach them better than most anything else.

There are 5 principles that you should teach your kids to help them to be smart and wise with money:

1.Working –When we talk about finances, the first thing to talk about is working. Emphasize the importance of earning through honest work. Establish a good work ethic in your children. Try not giving them an allowance. Instead, replace it with a commission system in your household to set them up with a mindset that when they put in the hard work, there is a reward to be earned.

2.Giving –Part of your child's hard-earned money should be allotted for giving. This goes to the Church collection, teaching them to give back to the Lord and be involved in the work of God.

3.Saving –Teach your children to be the best friend of their future selves by allotting money for their savings. Motivate them by setting a goal or item they are saving up for.

4.Spending –Guide your children in making wise decisions when spending their money and making their own purchases.

5.Debt –This is harder for children to understand, but is no less important in your child'sfinancially literacy. Start talking to them about debt when they are young to ease them into an awareness of what it is.Teach your kids to pay the Lord first, their future selves next, and live off of what is left. Strive to raise children who are wise, generous, and smart in the way they handle their money.

[bctt tweet="There's nothing better for a young person to go through than a foolish decision that they own." username="jaydholland"]

Resources Mentioned

Sponsor: Perfectly Imperfect, Oct 23-24

Sponsor affiliate: Hopegivers

The Christian Parenting Podcast Network on www.christianparenting.org

Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866

Book: Financial Peace Junior Kit by Dave Ramsey

Previous episode: Anthony Oneal: Debt Free Degree

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

195. Financial Literacy for Parents with Donna Hosang

Sun, 11 Oct 2020 04:03:00 +0000

Finances are either going to strengthen your marriage or tear them apart. As parents, your family depends on you developing your financial literacy. Raising a child with a disability, Donna Hosanglearned that the more organized they were as a family in their daily lives, especially in the financial lives, the easier it was for them to handle any unexpected crisis that might arise.

Show Highlights

Donna Hosang Certified Financial Coach with the Dave Ramsey Financial Group. She’s also is the retired mother of three and member of Covenant Fellowship Baptist Church. Donna and her late husband John navigated multiple unexpected health and family challenges in theirmarriage, including raising a special needs child who is now in heaven. By God’s Grace, they got their financial house in order early in their marriage, allowing them to thrive in situations where many families drown. Donna has a passion for helping families with wise financial planning to protect themselves from Murphy’s Law.

The first step to getting your finances in order is to establish your budget each month and actually write it down so that you know that it is real. Work on this together with your partner. Both should understand what is going on.

But, despite all your planning, there can always be an unexpected crisis, whether big or small. To prepare for that, establish an emergency fund. Donna suggests setting aside $1,000. This will be there for you if you have a medical emergency or an accident, anything outside of the budget. If you know you're prepared for it financially, you'll worry less.

Ultimately, Donna says what will really make you financially stable is getting yourself out of debt –and if you are not in debt, stay out of it.

Tackle your debt by listing everything down, with the smallest debt first. Instead of paying a little of each every month, systematically knock out your debt by paying the smallest in full first, and so on.

To really be able to finish paying all your debt, you will have to make changes in your daily habits. But, know that as a couple and a family, you do this together.

Though it may seem difficult, Donna says, "It doesn't matter how much debt a family has. There is always a way out."

Once you are out of debt, work on accumulating 3 to 6 months of living expenses set aside.

As you get yourself on more stable ground, work on paying down your mortgage. It will give you even more financial freedom.

Then, you can start tosave up for your retirement and your kids' college. This will set both you and your children up for a more comfortable future.

[bctt tweet="It doesn't matter how much debt a family has. There is always a way out." username="jaydholland"]

Resources Mentioned

Sponsor: Perfectly Imperfect, Oct 23-24

The Christian Parenting Podcast Network on www.christianparenting.org

Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866

Website: www.daveramsey.com

Contact Donna: jmhdmhme@aol.com

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email

194: Money: The Heart of the Matter

Sun, 04 Oct 2020 05:00:00 +0000

You may not even realize this, but Jesus speaks of money more than of heaven and hell combined, perhaps more than any singular topic. In fact, 11 of the 39 parables that Jesus teaches are on the topic of money and finances.

Finances often trigger anxiety and stress. From what I've experienced, I've realized: my worry was not fixing my financial situation and I belong to Jesus and He is taking care of me.

Today, I want to share five over-arching heart principles on money and finance.

193: The Prodigal Son Comes Home with Shane O’Neill

Sun, 27 Sep 2020 04:03:00 +0000

Thanks to our sponsor www.lazybearcabinrental.com. The Lazy Bear Cabin is three bedroom, two bathroom cabin in the beautiful Blue Ridge Mountains of Northwest Georgia. Consider this getaway spot as the perfect socially distanced family or romantic getaway. If you know a family who deserves a special vacation, nominate them and tell their story at www.lazybearcabinrental.com to register for a free 3 day, 2 night getaway.

Over the years, I've had the chance to pray with parents who are in grief over the current spiritual state of their children who have chosen the path of rebellion. My friend, Shane O'Neill gives a powerful testimony of hope after a long season of rebellion and how his parents were a steadfast witness to him as God brought him back to the faith.

192: The Power of a Family Sabbath with Joy Tanner

Sun, 20 Sep 2020 04:00:00 +0000

These days, it's hard to make a distinction between work days and weekends. Many working moms and dads find their weekends overflowing with chores and to-dos, and even recreation that exhausts them, leaving them weary.

One of the ten commandments is to "remember the Sabbath and keep it holy" but we tend to ignore this need to rest. Jesus said the Sabbath was a gift that God gave to us, but even I am not very good at receiving that gift.

Joy Tanner and her family has been doing a great job at incorporating a regular Sabbath practice in their life. Here's what it looks like to celebrate the Sabbath day with your family and what it can do for your household.

191: The Heavy Lifting of Prayer

Sun, 13 Sep 2020 04:00:00 +0000

Prayer is what gets us close to the heart of God as we shepherd our children's hearts. After more than 20 years of legitimately seeking the Lord, 18 years of parenting, and thousands of prayers, I have realized three fundamental things:

1.There is no manipulation in prayer. We cannot compel the Lord to do anything for us through prayer.

2.There is great mystery in prayer. Sometimes our prayers are answered in a way that there is no human explanation for it.

3.There is spiritual movement in prayer. I have seen the Lord move in hearts when the outside seems totally hard. We cannot change a child's heart, but we can try to shepherd it. So, whenever you feel overburdened and powerless, needing to pray, but at a loss for words, here are four prayers from scripture that you can pray for your family members:

Ephesians 1:15-23 ESV

Ephesians 3:14-21 ESV

Philippians 1:3-11 ESV

Colossians 1:9-14 ESV

190: Serving and Generosity with Steven Argue

Mon, 07 Sep 2020 04:00:00 +0000

Instilling the concept of service and generosity is one of the most impactful things that we do in the formation of our children's character. It is something that definitely must be started in the home and not just at church. Steven Argue talks to us about the practical strategies that will help grow a heart of service and generosity in our children to ultimately make it a way of life.

Thanks to our sponsor www.lazybearcabinrental.com. The Lazy Bear Cabin is three bedroom, two bathroom cabin in the beautiful Blue Ridge Mountains of Northwest Georgia. Consider this getaway spot as the perfect socially distanced family or romantic getaway. If you know a family who deserves a special vacation, nominate them and tell their story at www.lazybearcabinrental.com to register for a free 3 day, 2 night getaway.

189: Teaching Children HOW to Think with Virgil Tanner

Sun, 30 Aug 2020 04:00:00 +0000

Virgil Tanner has been married for 20 years and is a father of four. He has lived on three continents and currently oversees strategy and global operations for a non-profit with hundreds of staff scattered all over the world.

For our kids' entire lives, they are going to be confronted by societal complexities that need both the lens of the Gospel and an engaged brain for them to be able to face these issues properly.

Virgil and his family have lived everywhere from Nashville to Central Asia and Spain. Because of this, his kids have been exposed to several cultures and have become discerning of what in those cultures are not applicable to their own beliefs.

As parents, we should aim to equip our children to hold their own and think clearly, especially when they set out on their own into an environment where everyone is screaming and nobody is thinking carefully before they talk.

Keep in mind that it's not a point of inculcating your own beliefs or opinions on your children, but make them strong enough to think and reason out on their own.

Identity plays a big role in your child's decision making. If they know who they are and have a strong sense of self, some decisions will come easy. If they know their values and what they stand for, they will also know what is worth their time and energy.

Another useful skill you can teach your children to do is to simply notice. See and notice without the need to make an evaluation right away, with the understanding that there are things they do not understand, and notice what they feel about something, and why.

The problems our children will encounter in their lives will involve sin. Virgil explains, in the Biblical approach, the primary location of the sin is in the individual human heart, with echoes in the collective and in the systems that humans build.

Locating where the evil is in their hearts will empower your children to do something about what is in their locus of control. Let them realize that their actions are under their control and not a result of someone else's actions. They have agency.

Get your kids used to the idea of having conversations, not conflicts. Talk to them about the differences between a conversation and a conflict. If there is a winner and a loser at the end, it's not a conversation. If anyone's yelling, it's not a conversation. Conversations are all about understanding each other.

Resources Mentioned

The Christian Parenting Podcast Network on www.christianparenting.org
Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866
Previous episode: 186: Leadership Development at Home with Virgil Tanner
Virgil's Youtube Channel: Virgil Tanner
A couple of my favorite videos from Virgil: Lower the Bar & Making Room for Grief and Lament

188: Tending your soul with Jim O'Neill

Sun, 23 Aug 2020 04:00:00 +0000

In a world of unrelenting demands, it can be very easy to spend all of our focus on work and the needs of our children. This laser focus can come at the cost of our own spiritual health, which will then damage every other area of our life. My guest today has spent decades observing the effects of spiritual neglect on the mission field as well as home front. One of his central life callings has been to help those serving in full time ministry tend to the nurturing of their own souls. I'm excited to share with you today a brilliant man whom I also call friend, Dr. Jim O'Neill.

Jim O'Neill serves as Director of Mobilization and Leadership Development at Frontier Ventures. Additionally, he and his wife Sterling are the founders of the Next Gen Leaders Conference.

Jim and and his wife Sterling have been married for over 38 years. They have 4 grown children, 3 son-in-laws and 4 grandkids. Jim hails from Pennsylvania and Sterling from SC. They met in college in VA. where both were called to missions. Serving together, they each come with 13 years of church planting experience in Asia, 13 years in leadership with two mission organizations, and 8 years ministering in formal theological education and equipping.

Because of their passion about multiplying and nurturing leaders, Jim and Sterling founded the Net Gen Leaders Conference. You can find out more at their website here.

187: I've got big news

Sun, 16 Aug 2020 04:01:00 +0000

This is an exciting week for me and the Let's Parent on Purpose Podcast as I am join the Christian Parenting Podcast Network!

Let's Parent on Purpose was birthed out of my burden to reach families in my local church. As a 20+ year student and family pastor, I realize that my inﬂuence pales in comparison to mom and dad. As I continue to pastor teenagers and shepherd children, every day I feel more convicted to pour into their parents. And while the podcast is focused on parents, the topics range from parenting to marriage to our personal spiritual walks. You just can't parent well if you're neglecting your marriage or relationship with Christ.

Parenting is really hard, and at every point we are encountering something else with which we are novices. I have loved hosting this podcast because the topics and guest sharpen me.

Now, by joining the Christian Parenting Podcast network LPOP is part of an even stronger parental support family, able to help more parents across the world with podcasts that directly deal with their parental, marriage, and spiritual needs.

As a biological and adoptive father of four, I have experienced such a wide range of challenges, emotions, failures, and victories. I've celebrated my newly adult daughter graduating high school with her Associates. I've also held her in my arms as a little girl and told her that Jesus took her mother to heaven. I've taken my boys on mission trips, and I've also begged God to spare my son's life as we learned he had leukemia. I've made my wedding vows, preached my wife's funeral, and then been graced with an amazing woman I've called my bride for more than 13 years now.

Through all of this, I've served in the church, been carried by the church, and known without a doubt that my family would not have made it without the support of Jesus through the love of the church. I know what it's like to feel lonely and helpless as a parent, and I know what it's like to feel loved and helped. Let's Parent on Purpose is a way for me to encourage moms and dads who are walking through their own unique parenting journey with Jesus.

We are better together, and there's nothing in this world that's a better investment of your time and energy than the treasures God has gifted you in your household!

Resources Mentioned

The Christian Parenting Podcast Network on www.christianparenting.org
Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866
Check out the past podcast archives of Let's Parent on Purpose

If you ﬁnd this podcast helpful, you can subscribe and click here to ﬁnd past topics and free resources. Feel free to share with others, as well! If you would like to help support Let’s Parent on Purpose, you can do so by becoming a patron.

I send a weekly email called Things for Thursday and it includes things I've found helpful related to parenting, marriage, and sometimes just things I ﬁnd funny! You can sign up for Things for Thursday by joining my newsletter on my homepage. Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

186: Leadership Development at Home with Virgil Tanner

Sun, 09 Aug 2020 16:00:38 +0000

Virgil Tanner, my good friend and one of the best leadership development gurus, talks about how to develop your children into leaders, right in your own house.

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

Show Highlights

Virgil says, we have to “trigger-proof” our kids. You have to raise a child that can have bad things happen to them or people say mean things to them, and they are mature enough to walk away and be alright. If they are too easily triggered, they can’t become adults or effective leaders in the world today. Cultivate a thick skin and a soft heart.

Equip your children with the emotional vocabulary they need to express themselves and they can identify what’s going on with others and are able to address these with words, not by physically lashing out.

Develop young leaders with the 70-20-10 rule. Successful development is comprised of 70% experiences reflected upon; 20% guidance and input from other people like mentors, parents, friends; 10% content from books, videos, courses and other materials.

Our children will learn more from actual experience than from what other people say and from learning materials they can study. Talking to people about their experiences and giving them materials in support of their experiences can help double or triple their learning.

Your kids lives are full of experiences. Address difficult incidents in your child’s life and turn them into a learning experience with these questions: What? So what? Now what?

What. What happened?

So What. What was significant about it? How are you going to think about it?

Now What. What will you do next time you are in a situation like that?

As you have the conversation, notice the facts – what are the details of what happened? Discuss how these made you child feel. Finally, notice their contribution to the situation.

This focuses their attention on their locus of control. You and your child cannot control what will happen to them in the future, but they can change how they will act in any given situation.

These make for a magic conversation that will help make each experience a teachable moment for developing leaders.

You can't child-proof the world, so you have to build adults.
Click To Tweet

Resources Mentioned

Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866
Book: The Voice of the Heart by Chip Dodd
Youtube Channel: Virgil Tanner
Recommended Videos from Virgil’s Channel: Lower the Bar; Making Room for Grief and Lament
Previous episode: 170: Wisdom for Thriving from a Parent in Lockdown with Virgil Tanner

185: Should I Send My Child Back to School This Fall?

Sun, 02 Aug 2020 16:00:16 +0000

Here’s a question I would have never predicted at the beginning of the year, but one that ever single parent I know is now having to wrestle through: Should I send my child back to school this fall?

For some the answer is easy and obvious, but for many of us there are so many unknowns we have to consider. I spend time talking to parents and teachers (all off the record since it’s such a hot-button issue and I wanted to protect teacher’s jobs). Here is the best wisdom I gathered. I can’t make the decision for you, but I can help you think through some things you might not have considered. In the end, the choice is up to your family and the Lord.

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

Show Highlights

Any other year, this would have been a given, but this year, sending your kids back to school is something you have to ponder on. Here are some points to consider:

This is a difficult decision, but not a Gospel decision, so don’t stress out about it too much.
There’s no decision without consequences in this situation. Either way, there are both positives and negatives a no one really knows how these will play out. Realize that the unknown just the nature of parenting – and you do this all the time!
The decision that you make is not necessarily the best for others, and vice versa. Even between the different children you have could need a different set-up each. Remember that education is flexible and children are resilient.
Go with the assumption that students and teacher will not be able to completely social distance.
Be open to the idea that circumstances may change you decision. Even if you end up sending your child to school, know that you might still end up homeschooling. Come up with creative solutions to this, just in case!

Assess your family’s own situation and the needs of each individual child. In this time, be supportive and encouraging to your family, but also to teachers and administrators who are doing their best. Walk in grace with yourselves and with one another.

Resources Mentioned

Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866

184: When Your Discipline Method is Not Working with Bradley McCallister

Sun, 26 Jul 2020 16:00:47 +0000

What do you do when your child doesn’t care to disobey because they know you cannot do anything about it in the moment? One of my listeners has this struggle with her three year old. I called up my good friend and Licensed Christian Counselor Bradley McCallister to help brainstorm ways to change the scenario and put the control back into mom and dad’s hands.

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

Show Highlights

Bradley McCallister is an adoptive and foster parent to four special needs children along with his wife Brittany. They both have their Master’s Degrees in Christian Counseling from Philadelphia College of the Bible and have served as foster and adoptive family therapists. Together Bradley and Brittany run Redirected Wood Company, specializing in creating beautiful custom furniture out of reclaimed lumber.

Discipline can get tricky and frustrating, especially with strong-willed kids for whom consequences are not enough to change behavior.

Bradley suggests taking a different route: be preemptive in preventing the behavior you don’t want to see.

For example, if you know you have to focus your time on one child or on work, and will not be able to attend to another child, give that child activities to do that will occupy their time.

Sometimes, to prove that you are in control, you have to share control. By giving the child activities to do, you are giving a semblance of freedom within parameters that you set.

A little reverse psychology also works. Instead of constantly pointing out the negative things that your child does, try praising and rewarding the good behaviors that you notice them doing. This motivates them to behave well.

According to Bradley, if you reinforce the behavior quickly – within three seconds – the child is more likely to learn and retain that lesson on positive consequences. Use cereal, pennies, or beans in a jar to help them visualize the reward.

Another important thing to note is how you behave in front of your children. Learn to apologize when you’ve blown your behavior. It helps show them the right thing to do when anyone, young or old, makes a mistake.

On the other side of doling out discipline, don’t forget at the end of the day to go to your child and reinforce in them that you love them and they are good and you value them, even if they may have behaved badly.

Resources Mentioned

Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866
Book: The Connected Child: Bring Hope and Healing to Your Adoptive Family by Karyn Purvis
Bradley’s Business: Redirected Wood Company
Facebook: Redirected Wood Co.
Instagram: @redirectedwoodco
Previous episode: Behavior Should Make Us Curious

183: Parenting is Not Finished at 18 with Brooklyn Holland

Sun, 19 Jul 2020 16:00:35 +0000

I used to get stressed thinking that if my children weren’t fully formed, totally prepared for the adult world by 18 years old, I was a failure. Then I realized how much I still had to learn and master after 18 years old myself. I STILL rely on the wisdom of my mom and dad.

I asked my daughter Brooklyn to give me perspective on how the tragedies AND blessings have all worked together for good to form her into the amazing young lady she is today. You’ll be encouraged as you listen to Brooklyn share how God grew her past things that mom and dad felt powerless to fix.

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

Show Highlights

This week, we got to celebrate the 18th birthday of my oldest daughter Brooklyn.

In her childhood she’s walked through the death of a parent, cancer of her brother, and the loss of several foster children coming and going from home. Additionally, she’s had all of the other normal worries and challenges of a child growing up.

As she grew up, Brooklyn took all of these challenges in stride. But, she also dealt with her own insecurities. As a parent, it’s debilitating and frustrating to think there’s nothing more we can do to help our child other than foster a household with unconditional love.

Starting work was one of Brooklyn’s pivotal moments in her life because it reinforced her capability to do things well, and gave her the opportunity to meet new people. She discovered who she was.

Though she’s 18, she has the wisdom to know that she is still working on growing in some aspects of her life, such as spirituality… as well as practical little responsibilities that come with adulting.

Fellow parents, don’t panic! 18 isn’t a finish line for raising your children. Being able to realize that really eases some of the pressure of parenthood. Even at my age, I still consult my parents when I need to make big, important decisions.

Affirm with your young adult children that you recognize them as adults, that they are capable of taking on more responsibility, but also, there is no expectation that they know how to do everything right at this point. And you as a parent will still be there to coach, guide, and warn – but not control.

Resources Mentioned

Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866
Previous episode: Questions to Ask Before Dating
Previous episode: Chick-Fil-A Can Teach Us a Lot About Parenting

182: My Non-Expert Opinion

Sun, 12 Jul 2020 14:29:37 +0000

There are no true experts in every single aspect of parenting. As a parent who has been on the path for a while, here is some wisdom for moms and dads in all stages of parenting.

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

Show Highlights

There are no parenting experts. There can’t be. Humans are all different and what is effective in one family may not necessarily work for others. With this in mind, release yourself from any rigid guidelines of any particular person, way, or path of parenting.

Your parenting style has to keep on changing and adapting. Just because you know how to handle one child well, it doesn’t mean the same strategies will work with your other children. We are just constantly trying to do what’s best for each of our children.

There are no parenting experts. But, there are wise people. Do the best you can to surround yourself with wise and experienced people.

Remember that whatever you are going through in your household, there is an infinitesimally small chance that you are the first person to go through this. While you may be going through a unique combination of situations, you are never alone. There are always wise and experienced people who have walked through trials and you can turn to them.

Don’t be afraid or embarrassed to ask questions if you see people you know succeeding in their family management. Chances are, the people you ask will be happy to share their best practices. Asking questions is one major way that you can approach expertise in parenting.

Here’s my advice for any mom and dad:

There are no parenting experts, we’re all in process. You aren’t a parenting expert and there’s nobody that thinks you are or expects you to be.
Comparison is a killer. Let’s free ourselves from the sinful trap of comparison. It’s a joy killer. Don’t compare your family and your children to other’s. You’re comparing their best to your reality and it’s not fair to you. Even the heroes of faith in the Bible made their own parenting mistakes.
You must preach the gospel to yourself in regards to your parenting. The gospel is the reminder that we need God’s grace day to day. You’re not just saved by the gospel, you’re sustained by the gospel.

Resources Mentioned

Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866

181: The Principle of the Path

Sun, 05 Jul 2020 16:00:44 +0000

This is episode 181 of Let’s Parent on Purpose. Today I’m going to share with you a little devotion that’s perfect if you’ve got any summer travels coming up. Stick around and learn about the Principle of the Path.

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

Show Highlights

The Principle of the Path is simple, but it could have a profound effect on your family’s life. The principle is: Your direction determines your destination.

If you’re traveling this summer, a road trip makes for the perfect time to bring this up with your kids. Say something like, “You know one of the great principles of life is just simply, ‘your direction determines your destination.’”

You can even play a little game with it. Turn of your phones and try to have someone navigate to your destination. Even if they have the best intentions, you will not get there if the directions are wrong.

In the same way, help your kids examine their circle of friends. If you become like the people you spend the most time with, what’s the direction that your friends are heading?

Apply the principle to their work in school. If they continue to apply themselves in the direction they are going right now, where will it get them? Where’s the going to get you?

And when it comes to your walk with Jesus, the principle matters even more. How do your intentions match up with your pathway?

Things that have helped me in the right direction for prayer life are:

Getting up at a consistent time in the morning where I can walk through my neighborhood and reflect
The PrayerMate app which helped me keep track of my prayers and intentions

These things made prayer seem less difficult and more of a joy.

Think about it in the terms of the Bible’s word for dealing with sin: repentance. Which is simply a change of heart and a change of direction. Just feeling bad about what you did is not enough.

What you need to repent for your sins is a change of direction – from following your own way to following Jesus.

Resources Mentioned

Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866
Book: The Principle of the Path by Andy Stanley
Book: Atomic Habits by James Clear
App: PrayerMate

180: Stop Carrying Other People's Backpacks

Sun, 28 Jun 2020 16:00:48 +0000

This is episode 180 of Let’s Parent on Purpose and I’m going to use this episode to try to convince you to stop carrying other people’s backpacks. Are you confused? Stick around and you might just learn one of the most liberating principles that I’ve ever taken into my life.

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

Show Highlights

Throughout our lives, we use backpacks in school, when we travel, even as a mobile office. Our backpacks carry everything that is important for our day and they can get quite full and heavy.

Your own backpack can get heavy enough on its own. If you start carrying someone else’s too, you could get overwhelmed.

At every part of our life, we all have a load that we are carrying. It could be as small as having proper manners or cleaning your room when you are young. As you get older, the responsibilities grow with you. That’s our individual “backpack.”

Moms often end up carrying other family members’ load when it comes to doing chores just to make sure things get done. But, remember that if you are constantly bailing them out, you aren’t doing them any favors.

If you continually intervene on your kids financial situation, schoolwork, and other aspects of their lifestyle, they will not develop in themselves a sense of responsibility and capability for carry their own load.

However, the Bible also says “bear one another’s burdens.” Think of burdens as boulders. It’s possible for you to pick up a boulder on your own and carry it a little ways, but it’s not possible for you to sustain carrying it for an extended period of time.

In each of our lives, boulders are going to come. We need help to carry these. If someone can take things out of your backpack, they can help you bear the burden a little bit. There are small things that we can do to make their loads a bit lighter, without carry their backpacks for them.

Resources Mentioned

Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866

179: Self Care During and After Crisis

Sun, 21 Jun 2020 16:00:38 +0000

We’re going to spend some time today talking about ways to take care of yourself during and then after a crisis.

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

Show Highlights

Whether it’s dealing with a global pandemic or navigating a personal loss, there is always someone in crisis. Know that you are not alone.

It is essential to take care of your health and wellbeing in the midst of a crisis. Sometimes this seems unimportant especially when we are helping someone else through a difficult experience. But remember that you have to be well enough to be able to help those around you.

During a crisis:

Lower your expectations. Worrying about something puts an extra weight on you, so realize that during this time, you’re not going to be able to do all of the stuff that you normally do. There are things that are going to fall through the cracks and that’s okay.
Get enough sleep. If you are not sleeping well, everything else will get messed up.
Think of food as fuel for your body… Not as a refuge to run through. A little bit of junk food – and junk time – could be good for you, but recognize that more than a little bit of it will junk up your ability to cope with what’s happening.
Value your alone time. You recharge when you are alone, so schedule it if you need it. Alone time will not happen in a quality way if you do not plan for it.
Spend time with God. In crisis, time with God is essential.
Physical fitness is a big deal. It will burn stress and release endorphins and can lighten your mood.
Consider journaling. You’ll start to see more insight into your life as you read everything back. You’ll also be able to have so much gratitude as you find yourself on the other side of previous difficult times.
Reach out to your friends. They are a big part of lifting you up. Aim for deeper and greater connections.
Be honest with your employers. Let them and people who count on you at work know about what you are going through. If you work hard and bring value to your workplace on a regular basis, they will probably understand.

When you are ready to jump back to “normal” after overcoming a crisis:

Keep your expectations realistic. After surviving a crisis, you tend to have big bursts of energy, but keep your expectations realistic as to what you are able to do.
Re-establish your routine. But realize that your routine might be different from what it was before the crisis hit. What is your new normal?
Consider extended periods of rest. You may not have a ton of control over the time that you can spend for resting, but in any way you can, get some time to recuperate and evaluate what happened.
Strive for spiritual renewal. Give yourself to the things that heal your spirit.
Review your journal. Read back and see what the Lord told you during this time.
Consider going for counseling or therapy. Crisis will reveal cracks in your relationship, in your soul, in the way you are doing things. Therapy can help address the issues that have emerged.
Take a low impact vacation. Give your tired mind, soul, and body a well-deserved break.
Re-commit to your spiritual community. Realize the support and joy that a community brings and don’t lose you connection with your spiritual community.
Turn the crisis into a blessing. Throughout a crisis, you may have discovered gifts you have that you never realized you did. Continue to hone these gifts and use them to be a blessing to others.

Acknowledge that you are not the same person you were walking into this crisis. And keep moving forward.

Resources Mentioned

Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866
Past episode: Self Care in the Midst of Crisis
Past episode: Self Care After a Crisis
Book: Your Future Self Will Thank You: Secrets to Self-Control from the Bible and Brain Science by Drew Dyck
Journal: Levenger 5-Year Journal

178: Kara Powell: Sticky Faith in an Anxious World

Sun, 14 Jun 2020 16:00:21 +0000

I couldn’t be more excited to bring to you episode 178 of Let’s Parent on Purpose. We get to share in the incredible wisdom of author and executive director of Fuller Youth Institute, Kara Powell.

Kara has a treasure trove of research to help us guide our children through the anxious world we’re living in and into faith in Christ that sticks through adulthood.

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

Show Highlights

Kara Powell, PhD, is the Executive Director of the Fuller Youth Institute (FYI) and a faculty member at Fuller Theological Seminary. Named by Christianity Today as one of “50 Women to Watch,” Kara serves as a Youth and Family Strategist for Orange, and also speaks regularly at parenting and leadership conferences. Kara is the author or co-author of a number of books including Faith in an Anxious World, Growing With, 18 Plus, Growing Young, The Sticky Faith Guide for Your Family, Sticky Faith Curriculum, Can I Ask That?, Deep Justice Journeys, Essential Leadership, Deep Justice in a Broken World, Deep Ministry in a Shallow World, and the Good Sex Youth Ministry Curriculum.

The demands to remain agile and adept at responding to what’s going on to our kids and our world poses many challenges to parents today. The fast-changing world certainly keeps parents on our toes.

There is more stress and anxiety in our culture today that affects people across all generations. Kids can experience anxiety for several factors, including:

Technology – While technology is certainly an essential in navigating today’s world, it also puts pressure on children’s fear of missing out.
Parenting – Some of our parenting techniques could be putting more stress on our children. We may be putting too much pressure on our kids to succeed quickly. On the other hand, we may also be helicopter parenting, rescuing them from situations before they are able to develop their own grit and resilience.
Busyness – Today’s busy culture contributes to the increase in stress and anxiety.

Kara shares her five-step process to help adults deal with young people who are experiencing anxiety:

ASK. First, ask the young person to rate their anxiety or depression on a scale from 1 to 10, with 10 being the worst.
BREATHE. Encourage them to take deep breaths. When we panic, our hearts beat faster to get blood to all the extremities. Breathing deeply helps counter act this and put a break pedal on the physiological feeling of stress.
CENTER. Help them center on a helpful truth or phrase. Find a line from scripture or a worship song that can give them an anchor to hold on to.
DEVELOP a team. Build a support group of friends, supporters and even mental health professionals that your child can turn to.
EMPATHIZE and EMPOWER. Listen and understand what they are feeling, and go beyond that be helping them figure out a step forward.

Many young people stray away from their faith in their first three years in college. Foster faith in your children that is “sticky.” A lot of youth group kids end up viewing their faith as “a gospel of sin management.” When they graduate from high school and start making mistakes, they end up running from God and the church just when they need it the most.

As a parent, re-center them in a gospel that is grounded in grace and God’s unconditional love. Remind them that we respond to God out of gratitude, out of a relationship between us and a loving God.

Parenting isn’t a solo sport. It’s a team effort. Be intentional in creating a team of adults to support your child. Whether a family, teacher, coach, or neighbor, find those you can invite to let your child know that there is a team of adults that are looking out for them.

Resources Mentioned

Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866
Website: Fuller Youth Institute
Website: Fuller Theological Seminary
Book: The Sticky Faith Guide for Your Family
Book: Growing With
Podcast: Faith in an Anxious World

177: Talking to Your Children About Race and Racism with Mikiala Tennie

Sun, 07 Jun 2020 16:00:27 +0000

This is episode 177 of Let’s Parent on Purpose and a very timely one. I am joined today by my good friend and co-youth minister here on the Treasure Coast, Mikiala Tennie and we are going to discuss talking about race and racism to our children.

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

Show Highlights

Mikiala grew up in sunny South Florida. She started volunteering in student ministry while still a student herself and hasn’t stopped serving students since. Mikiala works in ministry because of her desire for people to truly know Christ. For six years she has served at First United Methodist Church of Stuart and currently has the role of Director of Discipleship and Student Ministries. She lives with her little Yorkie, KiKi Okoye Tennie.

In light of everything going on today, many of us want to have a nuanced and sensitive talk with our children about race and racism. When you do this, remember that the goal is always to approach equality.

As a parent, you cannot be afraid to talk about racism. Mikiala says, if parents are not willing to have these difficult conversations with their kids, they are doing a disservice to their families.

Do not leave it to the outside world to teach your child about racism. If you are not addressing it, it will create trauma.

Embark on the conversation with the hope of brining up your children as assets to the gospel as it relates to racism and inequality.

Inequality is real. Racism is real. And it is not over.

Teach your children to look at differences as one of the joyful parts of life. Mikiala says, to be able to move forward, everyone has to be willing to step into somebody else’s world and understand that trauma that has made them who they are. We have to be human together.

More than just talking about it, you must show your child that beyond that, you are a good example of striving to make things better. This is not just a topic of conversation.

Watch what you say because your children will pick up on your racist remarks, even if you make the comments in passing.

Your children must see you intentionally engaging in conversation with adults about race and racism. Show them that you too are open to a diverse set of friends and voices.

The greatest commandment is to love God with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself. If we are truly people of the gospel, that has to mean putting into practice what we preach, taking actions informed by the gospel.

Resources Mentioned

Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866

176: Suffering Well

Sun, 31 May 2020 16:00:17 +0000

There’s a good chance that we’ve never met and there’s a good chance that I’m not actually your pastor. But would you mind for a few minutes today if I took the place of pastor in your life and shared with you on a topic that I think is really needful to address? That is suffering and how to suffer well. Bear with me for a few minutes as we talk about that today.

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

Show Highlights

Suffering is a topic that we don’t often want to talk about. But, it’s something that is present in everyone’s lives.

There is so much suffering in the world today, but some people might feel it more than others. Realize that suffering is often disproportionate to my circumstances.

There are times when you are going through terrible hardship, but you don’t feel like you are suffering. On the other hand, there may be times when, despite the many things you have going for you, you experience a kind of emotional suffering.

In Philippians 1:29, the apostle Paul says: “For it has been granted to you that for the sake of Christ, you should not only believe in Him, but also suffer for his sake, engaged in the same conflict that you saw I had and now hear that I have.”

God has granted your suffering for the sake of Jesus. We’ve all experienced tremendous amounts of personal suffering. But, when I look back on my life, I can see every suffering I’ve experienced has served a purpose.

We are naturally programmed to look forward to victories – overcoming difficult circumstances. But your hope cannot be in the outcome of suffering.

Your hope must be in Jesus Christ. As you pray for the victory that is to come, spend your time rejoicing in the fact that God is right there with you in your suffering.

Resources Mentioned

Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866

175: Creating a Family Culture with Joel Montgomery

Sun, 24 May 2020 16:00:16 +0000

Let’s spend a little time together today thinking intentionally about the culture that we create within our household for our families.

My guest today is Joel Montgomery and he helps us with crafting a vision and a strategy for family culture.

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

Show Highlights

Joel and his wife Elaine have been married for 10 years and have 3 kids: Sofia Grace, Julia Joy and Mateus. Over the past 12 years, Joel has been helping for-profits, non-profits and churches around the world to create an authentic culture that turns their people into a passionate tribe on a mission. Most recently, Joel has applied his expertise of culture to the family, founding Family on Purpose with his wife Elaine. They teach parents with young children how to focus their limited time on what is most important so they can live more purposefully together.

Having a family culture starts by sitting down together and creating a family purpose and establishing your family’s key principles. Then, look at your family’s habits and identify intentional practices that all of you can do to live out your collective purpose.

Joel breaks down the process:

Purpose – the future that you want for your family; why you do what you want to do.
Principles – the core elements that are most important to you; the truth you believe as a family and what you want to be known for in the world.
Practices – habits that enable your to live out your family’s purpose and principles on a regular basis.

While it’s much easier to set the foundations for a family culture when your kids are young, it’s still important to start doing this no matter where you are in your family journey.

If you want to establish your family culture and already have older children, involve them in the process. It’s an opportunity for them to engage in what the family is about.

The more involved your young and old kids are in forming your family culture, the more they will hold each other – and you – accountable for living it out.

Resources Mentioned

Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866
Free Digital Download: 10 Tips to Do Family on Purpose
Online Course: Create a Family Culture Blueprint in 7 Days
Instagram: Joelrmontgomery
Website: joelrmontgomery.com

174: Engaging Your Kids in Family Devotions with Laurie Christine Ressler

Sun, 17 May 2020 16:00:50 +0000

Today I’m joined by author and speaker Laurie Christine Ressler as we talk through ways to engage your children in family devotions.

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

Show Highlights

Laurie Christine Ressler writes devotional Bible stories for families. As a mom of four young boys, she understands how important it is for parents to connect with their children while communicating the truth of God’s Word to them in a way they can understand. With degrees in Creative Writing, Biblical Studies and Education, Laurie has more than twelve years of experience in teaching the Bible to young children as well as writing Sunday School curriculum for her local church. She also serves as the Administrator for the Christian Writers Institute. Laurie’s passion is to equip parents with the resources they need to create Christ-centered connections with their children.

There are a number of reasons why many families – even the most spiritual – do not spend time for family devotions regularly. Most of us are too tired at the end of the day, or you feel like you don’t know the Bible well enough to teach your children, or the kids are just too chaotic.

But, creating the family devotions habit does not have to be intimidating. Start small, even with reading just one Bible verse together. Then, talk about what it means to you and to each one in the family. What do you learn about God from the verse?

Here are some creative ideas for starting family devotions:

Go through a devotional book or children’s Bible stories. Make sure your kids are engaged while you read them together. Read with expression.
Be passionate in what you are sharing with your kids. If you are excited about it, your kids will be excited about it.
Tap into things that your kids already know about the Bible stories. Make them tell the story or contribute what they remember about it. Let that dig deeper into the story.
Have your kids draw or act out what they know and remember about the stories. Learning is reinforced by involving all their senses.
Connect the stories to real life.
Always end by talk about what you learned about God from the Bible stories.

Don’t put pressure on the family to do your devotions every day, at a specific time. There is no formula for how you have to teach God’s word to your children. You will not transform your children in one single moment, but it is the consistency of coming together for the devotions that will make a difference.

Resources Mentioned

Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866
Health care ministry: samaritanministries.org
Family Devotions Resources: https://www.LaurieChristine.com/family-devotions/
Website: www.LaurieChristine.com
Laurie’s books: www.LaurieChristine.com/books

173: Navigating Media Choices with Neal Harmon of VidAngel

Sun, 10 May 2020 16:00:55 +0000

If your home is like mine, you’ve seen an uptick on the amount of time on screens and devices as we’ve all self-isolated.

Today I’m joined by Neal Harmon, co-founder of the streaming service VidAngel. We talk about the challenges and resources for parents navigating all of the media choices for our children.

Neal brings a lot of wisdom and some encouraging options to help our families.

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

Show Highlights

Neal Harmon is the CEO and co-founder of VidAngel, a streaming service that allows parents to skip objectionable content in entertainment using ground-breaking technology.

VidAngel has been highly-profiled for The Chosen, its original series about Jesus and the #1 crowdfunded media project in history, and its other incredible family-based content like Dry Bar Comedy. VidAngel recently made headlines by offering all of its streaming content free during the COVID-19 pandemic, provided people agree to social distancing of course.

Now that everything is being done at home during the lockdown, many parents are relaxing their policies on screentime. Regulate this by setting good expectations. Schedule your family’s media time for the week together. Before giving younger children devices, set up a contract with them, setting the parameters to using them to help them manage device fatigue. Making a pre-arranged agreement removes a lot of stress because you’ve talked about it in advance.

Having several children of different ages in the family can create difficulties when it comes to choosing what to watch together. What works for Neal’s family of nine children is scheduling two movie nights a week at their home, one where the group of older kids and group o younger kids get to choose what they want to watch separately, and one family night where they can find something to watch together.

Resources Mentioned

Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866
Website: VidAngel
Show: Dry Bar Comedy
Show: The Chosen
Show: Some Good News
Show: Never Failed
Show: Hello Ninja
Show: Spirit Riding Free

172: Watch Your Tone

Sun, 03 May 2020 16:00:41 +0000

Do you remember when you were young and your mom and dad used to tell you to watch your tone? I think that’s a reminder that I’ve needed in these last few days of being around family members non-stop – not to remind my kids to mind their tone, but to remind myself to watch my tone.

That’s what we’re going to talk about on today’s Let’s Parent on Purpose.

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

Show Highlights

Tone matters. When we think about communication there is content and context. In some cases, the context can mean even more than content. Depending on how you say something, it can vastly change the meaning of your message.

Especially during this time when most of us are at home with our children all day, we need to pay special attention to our tone. As a parent, your tone helps set the standard for the tone that is used by everybody else in your household.

Proverbs 15 says: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” When dealing with your children, think about de-escalating heated situations instead of answering with an angry outburst. Answer gently so that they may change their tone as well.

Tone is also important when you are reading God’s word. Think of the inflection of your voice, whether you are reading to yourself or to your children. Your tone will influence the way listeners receive the message of the loving God.

Ultimately, you get to choose your tone. It will help affect how you feel about a situation and convey that to those around you.

Resources Mentioned

Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866
Daily prayer: Morning Prayer

171: Hunter Wheatcraft: God Redeems Messy Childhoods

Sun, 26 Apr 2020 16:00:03 +0000

Sometimes as a parent, we can worry that the decisions we make or even one bad decision might wreck our children for the rest of their lives.

Today I am joined by someone who has become a dear friend. Hunter Wheatcraft has served as Children’s and College Pastor at our church for the last three years here at Covenant Fellowship Baptist Church in Stuart, Florida while he completed seminary at Palm Beach Atlantic University. This is his last week with us, as Hunter and his bride Anna are heading to Texas so she can pursue her masters degree. They’ll leave a deep hole in hundreds of hearts in South Florida.

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

Show Highlights

Hunter is a steady, faithful man of God who loves Jesus and others so well. But you would have never dreamed he would turn into such a solid man based on his childhood. Today we talk about Hunter’s life. I want you to be encouraged that you don’t have to get everything right as a parent. God redeems horrific parenting, and he can redeem our follies as well.

Sometimes, as parents, we fear that our children’s decisions will change the rest of their life for the worst. But, it is naive to think that we know that trajectory.

Trust that the Lord has a plan for your children’s lives. No decision they make will be outside the goodness of the Lord.

Resources Mentioned

Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866

Bonus: Homeschool Peptalk with Eliza Huie

Tue, 21 Apr 2020 12:00:32 +0000

This is a bonus edition of Let’s Parent on Purpose, especially for all of you moms and dads that found yourselves thrust into the role of homeschool overseer on top of all the other things you’re trying to reorient in nearly every area of your life right now.

I’ve got one major word for you today: relax.

Join me as I speak with Christian counselor and veteran homeschool mom Eliza Huie for a few moments of encouragement before you rush back into all that you’re carrying.

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

Show Highlights

Eliza Huie is the Director of Counseling at McLean Bible Church in Virginia. She and her husband Ken have three grown children and a wonderful daughter-in-law. Eliza balanced homeschooling and work-life for several years while their kids were growing up.

Eliza’s first piece of advice? Take a deep breath, relax. Realize that we are all figuring this out at the same time, together. Manage your expectations. You are not expected to create a school in your home. Aim to help your child retain what they have already learned in school, not start a whole new curriculum.

Your kids may not remember the academic worksheets and drills that you do. They will remember and appreciate the stories you read, the activities you do, and the time you spend together during this time. It is a great opportunity to instill what we really want them to take away from this unique period in their lives.

Let your day work for your family. Don’t feel restricted or pressured by regular school hours. Homeschooling gives you the chance to consider yourself and your child and the best times of the day for learning. Consider each family member’s needs, including your own.

Allow time for work and play. Don’t forget social time. If they can call a friend or connect online, schedule that into their day. If at all possible, try to take a short walk with only one child at a time. Talk to them about how they are coping. Let them ask you questions without having someone barging in and interrupting your heart to heart conversation.

Look at this time as an opportunity to build a relationship with your children in a unique way. It is an opportunity to parent in a different way than you’ve been doing before, but you are still parenting on purpose.

Remember that even without realizing it, your children have been learning from you all their lives. They learn from what they observe from you and how you communicate and connect with them. Beyond textbooks and school, life lessons are some of the most important things they learn from you everyday.

Resources Mentioned

Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866
Article: Suddenly Homeschooling? 9 Ways to Help Keep Your Sanity
Podcast: Focus on the Family

170: Covid-19: Wisdom for Thriving from a Parent in Lockdown with Virgil Tanner

Sun, 19 Apr 2020 16:00:15 +0000

Today I have a dear friend joining me from Spain where he and his family of six have been in lockdown for more than three weeks.

He’s going to help give us wisdom and counsel on how we might set ourselves up to thrive spiritually, physically, and emotionally, while also having realistic expectations for ourselves and those around us as we continue to navigate Covid-19.

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

Show Highlights

Virgil Tanner has been married for 20 years and is a father of four. He and his family have lived on three continents and he is currently based in Spain where he oversees strategy and global operations for a non-profit with hundreds of staff scattered all over the world.

It is possible to thrive in lockdown. It is possible to thrive in uncertainty.

You can thrive spiritually by:

Withdraw – Allow yourself to pull away from the people you are on lockdown with and from distractions to create space where you can listen to Jesus.
Gather – Jesus touches us when we gathered. Find ways, with social distance, to connect with people so you can connect deeply with Jesus, together.
Obey – Listen to God’s call, obey, and reflect on what you’ve learned from obeying Him.

Health is incredibly vital during the lockdown. You can thrive physically by:

Eat – Be intentional about what you put in your body. Boost your immune system with vitamins and minerals.
Move – Have a regular movement practice with active intentional action. 30 minutes of high intensity exercise every day is the best way to fight depression and anxiety.
Recover – Notice your energy levels and get the right amount of sleep, not too much and not too little. Right now, adjusting and coping to our new work and life situation can be more tiring than usual. Be intentional about giving yourself more time to rest.

You can thrive cognitively and emotionally by:

Learn – Keep your brain active by presenting your mind with something novel.
Focus – Be selective about when you are going to think of certain things. Know when not to put things in your head and the kinds of things that you shouldn’t put in your head. This also makes space for you to feel necessary feelings.
Play – Schedule play into your day. We are at our most human when we are at play. It helps to play together as a family.

Most importantly, be intentional about lowering the bar for yourself during this challenging time. Right now, everyone’s capacity is diminished. Try hard to do yourself, but cut yourself some slack.

Resources Mentioned

Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866
Virgil’s Youtube Channel: Virgil Tanner

169: Survival Guide: Resilient Faith with AM Brewster

Sun, 12 Apr 2020 16:00:19 +0000

You and I have been given the responsibility to raise children with a faith that’s going to persevere in a culture that is changing faster than in any time in world history. Just think about it. 13 years ago at this point, the iPhone hadn’t even been released yet.

I’m so honored to be joined again by my friend AM Brewster, the host of the Truth.Love.Parent. podcast, as we talk about how to equip our children with resilient faith. It’s the next item on my survival guide of how to raise children that will thrive even when they are out of your household as we teach them that God can be trusted. He will do all that He’s promised to do.

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

Show Highlights

So many things are rapidly changing in our world today, especially with the coronavirus, and one of the most pertinent and relevant topics that we can talk about is living out resilient faith.

As our kids grow up, their faith is going to be put through the ringer. They will go through tragedy, disappointments, and failures. Your kids don’t just need to have faith. They need to have a resilient faith.

Faith isn’t knowledge. To know something isn’t to believe something. Faith isn’t feeling. Faith is not a version of hope. Most of all, faith is not without an object. It has to be rooted in something. It also cannot be detached from a change in lifestyle.

Faith is a conscious choice to accept something as true, even if there is no “proof.” We cannot have eternal life without faith. At the same time, faith is absolutely necessary for everyday life.

Faith is a complicated concept and as parents, you have to make sure that your kids have the right understanding of what faith is. Aaron shares different kinds of faith that you might encounter:

Damning faith – when faith is confused with knowledge or feeling, and has no object. It is a pseudo faith that leads to death eternal because it is nothing but an intellectual acquisition of ideas.
Deceiving faith – this is dangerous because it is not completely false. It is a partial faith that believes in elements of things found in the bible, but misses out on the core things necessary for salvation.
Saving faith – a gift of the Holy Spirit bestowed on men called to salvation.
Sanctifying faith – everyday life faith that lets you glorify God right now. The more you have this type of faith, the more you grow.

How can you cultivate faith in your children?

Remember and celebrate the times of God’s faithfulness in the past, not only in the bible stories, but in your own family’s journey.
Increase your faith by increasing your obedience.
Have faith for the next step and watch how God comes through.

Resources Mentioned

Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866
Health care ministry: samaritanministries.org
Aaron’s website: TruthLoveParent.com
Aaron’s podcast: Truth.Love.Parent.
Special Truth.Love.Parent. page: TruthLoveParent.com/lpop
Book: Talking with Your Kids about Jesus by Natasha Crain

168: Survival Guide: Transforming Gospel

Sun, 05 Apr 2020 16:00:20 +0000

The Risen Jesus is a Saving King. Of all of the important principles of our survival guide series, this is the heart and the core. This is the essential one that we want to demonstrate in our families, to our kids, and it’s the topic of our discussion today.

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

Show Highlights

The transforming gospel is one of most important topics that we can talk about. It is the story of Jesus and it is what will most transform our families.

We often turn to the Bible to find ourselves in the different figures of the Bible stories. But, remember, we are not the central figure of the gospel.

The Bible is about the story of God, from creation to the fall, promise, struggle, redemption, and then recreation. The gospel is about God.

The gospel is about God’s promise made through the prophets and the scriptures. It is God’s promise of salvation to you and me.

The gospel, at its very core is the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

Gospel means “good news.” The gospel is the power of God for salvation. The good news is dynamite – explosive power. The gospel tells us that Jesus paid the full price and it is His power that saves us.

The gospel reveals not only the righteousness of God, but also the depth of love for God.

Most of all, the gospel is from faith to faith. It is your faith in Jesus that saves you, but more so, it is that faith that sustains you.

How does this change your parenting? You need to be able to help your children understand the wide view of the gospel; the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus.

Help them navigate the chaotic world with the knowledge that God has always been faithful to His people, even through the worst of times.

Even more importantly, be liberated by the notion that you are living the transforming gospel. Because Jesus rose from the dead, you can have grace with yourself and in your parenting. Know that you will mess up and your kids will too, but you can still show them the consistent and persistent love of Jesus.

If you can live the transforming gospel in your home, you and your family can rest in the grace of Jesus.

Resources Mentioned

Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866
Health care ministry: samaritanministries.org

167: Survival Guide: Ultimate Authority with AM Brewster

Sun, 29 Mar 2020 16:00:24 +0000

God’s will is found in God’s word. In a culture that teaches every person is free to determine their own version of truth and morality, it’s essential to equip our families with an understanding that God’s word is not just an inspirational suggestion book.

Today I’m joined by biblical councilor AM Brewster, host of Truth.Love.Parent., and we’re going to talk about the next pillar of my survival guide for children: God’s word as our ultimate authority.

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

Show Highlights

Today’s guest, Aaron Brewster, has been a biblical counselor for over 10 years. The past 5 of those years were spent at Victory Academy for Boys where he worked with at-risk teens and their families. He now works full time as the Executive Director of Truth.Love.Parent. where he writes, speaks, counsels, and hosts its podcast. Truth.Love.Parent. is a ministry dedicated to serving the Lord by equipping dads and moms to be the intentional, premeditated, disciple-making, Ambassador Parents God called and created them to be. Aaron, his wife, and their two children live in a multi-generational home with his parents in the Blue Ridge Mountains of North Carolina.

Aaron reminds us, all 66 books of the bible are divinely inspired by God. That means that they are valuable to us. It is an extension of God’s character. God’s word is our ultimate authority. Everything that God wants us to know is found in there.

Parents should understand that the bible is not a rulebook. It’s an invitation to a vibrant relationship with God, Aaron says. Your children shouldn’t want to obey because of rules, but because they love Him and they want to please Him.

Help you children discover God’s will for your lives. Start simple with the clear commands stated in the bible and with scripture. From there, know that the whole bible is the will of God for your life and your children’s lives.

Your children should know God and love God. It is their love for Him is going to deter them from sin, not the fear of its consequences.

Parenting is just like pastoring. You need to take God’s word and make it understandable and applicable to our audience. Don’t think that you have to reserve a part of the bible for when your kids get older. Rather, find ways to apply the biblical concepts to your child’s experiences right now.

Resources Mentioned

Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866
Health care ministry: samaritanministries.org
Aaron’s website: TruthLoveParent.com
Aaron’s podcast: Truth.Love.Parent.
Special Truth.Love.Parent. page: TruthLoveParent.com/lpop
Truth.Love.Parent. episode: Help Your Child Discover God’s Will for Their Lives

166: The Coronavirus, Anxiety, and Jesus

Sun, 22 Mar 2020 16:00:42 +0000

It seems like every half day there’s a bit of news that changes what the future feels like it’s going to be. I thought we’d take a little bit of a break from the Survival Guide series that I’ve been doing, but today I thought we would just focus a little bit on something that I’ve been wrestling with, which is trying to keep the anxiety and worry down in the midst of the constant barrage of news and updates and the ground moving out from under us.

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

Show Highlights

We are living in unprecedented times. Things may be terrifying and uncertain and we can become incredibly anxious, but we can find refuge in the Word of God.

This year I’ve committed myself to memorizing and meditating on the Sermon on the Mount. I’m at chapter six right now and right in the middle of it, Jesus starts a passage on worry and anxiety that is so appropriate for what we are going through today.

One of the reasons for people’s anxiety right now is the economy tanking. It reveals that our hope was set in these treasures that we stored up. Jesus says, “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be.” (Matthew 6:21)

If all your hope has been in your financial plan, your heart must be a mess right now. The more you spend time working to acquire treasure in heaven – investing in people, investing the Kingdom of God, that treasure has its eternal reward.

Jesus says, “The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness.” (Matthew 6:22-23)

Right now, we are bombarded with information about the pandemic. If you read or watch the news and reports over and over throughout the day, you are investing in anxiety and worry. Instead, set a time and check the news then. Go about the rest of your day. What you’re watching and listening to will feed your soul.

Jesus says do not be anxious about your life. He preached it to severely persecuted and oppressed people in occupied Rome and he tells it to us now.

Jesus gives us several reasons why we should not worry:

Do not be anxious about food or clothing because your life is more than food and your body is more than clothing. Your life is more than your mortgage and your car payment. It might be hard and unideal, but we will make it through.
Look at the birds that God has provision for. If God provides for the birds, He is going to take care of you.
Worrying does not extend your life. As a matter of fact, worry shortens your life. In fact, worry robs you of your life right now.
God clothes flowers in beauty and splendor. In the same way God will provide for you. You are of more value to God than a weed or flower.
The people that don’t know God spend their time worrying about these things.
Instead of being anxious, seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness.
“Do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself.” (Matthew 6:34) Most of the time that we are crushed by anxiety does not usually have to do with the present, but with worries about tomorrow and the day after that. But if you think about whether God has provided for today, the answer is always yes.
There is going to be trouble today. When you realize that you can’t do it all, you aren’t just saved by the gospel, but sustained by the gospel. Our troubles in our daily lives should drive us back to Jesus.

Now that many of us may have much more time on our hands, maybe it is a good time to start memorizing Jesus’ words on anxiety.

During this time, drive yourself back to God’s word, ask for grace for today, and seek to be a blessing to God and to those around you instead of giving in to worry, fear and anxiety. We’re going to get through this.

Resources Mentioned

Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866
Previous episode: The Simple Secret to Family Worship
Podcast: Truth Love Parent

165: Survival Guide God Centered Identity

Sun, 15 Mar 2020 16:00:59 +0000

It’s time to talk about one of my favorite and one of the most crucial subjects in our survival guide series. That’s instilling a God-centered identity in our young men and women here on Let’s Parent on Purpose.

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

Thank you to this week’s sponsor: The Lake Tahoe Couples Getaway. November 13-16 at the Hyatt Regency on Lake Tahoe. Use this link to let them know I sent you! https://www.tahoecouplesgetaway.com/lpop

Show Highlights

It is crucial for us and for young people to understand who we are as far as being made in the image of God and to have parameters to understand what it means to be a biblical man or woman.

Today, the world is so crazy that it seems like everything is changing so rapidly and it feels like words don’t mean a thing. Truth is so incredibly relative.

On social media, young people are constantly bombarded with messages that skew who they are and who they think they should be. Our kids often end up not knowing what they are about and they need a vision and direction.

Help your children understand who they are – Are you your job? Your possessions? Your body? No. Center yourself and your children on your biblical identity.

Here are three crucial concepts in understanding biblical identity:

The most core identity that we have is being made in the image of God. Who you are isn’t centered on what you look like, your talents, nor your family, but on whose you are. Humanity is the crown of God’s handiwork. Your children are the crown of God’s handiwork. With bullying and other outside factors in the society that take a toll on their self-image and self-worth, it may be difficult for them to grasp. But, if they understand this, it will make them secure in their priceless identity.
Give your children a vision of manhood. It has nothing to do with what they world and society dictates as manly and macho. This is an image pulled from scripture. What makes for a REAL man? A real man:
- Rejects passivity
- Expects God’s greater reward
- Accepts responsibility
- Leads courageously
Give your children a vision of womanhood. A woman is not second class to men. A woman has equal dignity and equal value as an image-bearer of God. What makes for a REAL woman? A real woman:
- Rejects worldly identity
- Expects God’s greater reward
- Acts with strength and wisdom
- Loves others boldly.

These are things that your children need not only before they leave the house, but as early as middle school. Constantly remind them that their core identity is that they are made in the image of God and being a real man and real woman comes with the reward of God.

Resources Mentioned

Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866
Resource: Men’s Fraternity

164: Survival Guide: Biblical Literacy

Sun, 08 Mar 2020 16:00:09 +0000

For our children to believe and follow the Bible, they are going to need to be able to understand the Bible. Today I cover the sixth key principle in our survival guide for young people: Biblical Literacy.

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

Show Highlights

Biblical literacy is not just being able to read the bible. It’s understanding what the bible is about.

Foster a robust foundation and understanding of what the bible is so that you and your children can have confidence in it. This is important because it is God’s word and the bible says the word of God is living and active.

The bible is not just one book. It is a collection 66 books written by 40 different authors over a span of about 1,000 years! It was inspired by the Holy Spirit, through the words of men.

The bible has so many different types of literature – poetry, prose, letters, allegory – and it could be difficult if you don’t understand the context. It is the story of God from many different human perspectives, but also a unified story of the redemption by Jesus of a people of God.

There are several resources that you can use to instill biblical literacy in your children. Among those that I’ve found useful are:

66 Books in the Bible – a super catchy song that will help them memorize the books of the bible.
The Bible Project – one of the most powerful tools for older kids to adults. They have a seven to ten minute animated overview of every book and themes of the bible.
The Radical Book for Kids – a good resources for talking to especially inquisitive kids who have questions about faith.
The Jesus Storybook Bible – is great for younger kids, covering all the major stories from the old and new testaments and it ties all the stories back to Jesus.
Blazing Trees – you can find several helpful resources including a series of stick figures drawings that can help teach bible stories and bible themes. Your children can also draw their own bible stories with stick figures and you’ll be surprised how easy it becomes for them to recall the story based on their drawings.

Kids today are less and less familiar with the bible. The younger your kids memorize the books of the bible, the easier it will be for them to explore and study it.

Resources Mentioned

Things for Thursday: Text THINGS to 66866
Song: 66 Books in the Bible
Website: The Bible Project
Book: The Radical Book for Kids
Book: The Jesus Storybook Bible: Every Story Whispers His Name
Website: Blazing Trees

163: Survival Guide: Moral Boundaries

Sun, 01 Mar 2020 16:00:07 +0000

One of the most important tools our children can leave our house with is a wise set of moral boundaries. That’s going to be the topic of our time together today as I continue my survival guide series.

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

Show Highlights

What is the real reason why our children should want purity? It’s not enough to just tell them that they need to do it. Understanding the reason behind it is what will really ensure that they will pursue purity in a meaningful and lasting way.

Like in the previous episode on Wise Choices, we reiterate that a wise person makes moral judgements and installs moral guardrails before feelings get turned up high.

Guardrails are put up so we don’t fall of the side of a cliff. In the same way, in our lives there will be times that you are HALT – hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. At these times, your temptation level will be higher than normal. Hopefully, before that happens, you’ve been able to put up your moral guardrails already.

The things that you take pleasure in are created by God. If you eat something delicious, marvel at that fact that God created everything from the ingredients to your taste buds that help you experience this pleasure.

God created sex and knows about it more than anyone. He’s the one that created it for your pleasure and ultimately it should be something that causes us to worship God for the wonder and majesty of what he created. But there is something even better than sex – that’s intimacy.

Intimacy is the joy of knowing someone and being fully known without fear of rejection. We have a deep longing for intimacy with each other and with God.

Sex and intimacy are connected. Sex is not just something physical, but something that is primarily relational. Our children live in a culture that teaches otherwise.

Help young people establish guardrails to live by:

The further you go, the faster you go.
The further you go, the further you want to go.
The further you go, the harder it is to go back once you’ve crossed some boundaries.
Where you draw the line determines three things:
- The arena of your temptation
- The intensity of your temptation
- The consequences of giving in to your temptation

Great sex is a byproduct of maximum intimacy. Purity paves the way for intimacy.

Resources Mentioned

Things for Thursday: Text THINGS to 66866
Previous episode: Survival Guide: Wise Choices

162: Ellen Martin: Hard Conversations

Sun, 23 Feb 2020 16:00:17 +0000

You cannot have meaningful growth in your family without having hard conversations. Today I’m joined by Ellen Martin, author of A Life Shared: Meaningful Conversations with Our Kids. We talk specifically about how to leverage difficult conversational topics into real growth points in your family life.

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

Show Highlights

Ellen Martin, author of A Life Shared: Meaningful Conversations with Our Kids, founded the ministry, A Life Shared, to empower, equip, and encourage others in their walk with Jesus. With illustrative vision, practical tools, and space to respond, Ellen offers a diverse, unique speaking ministry. As a life coach, she joins others to facilitate good work in their own lives. Twice graduate of Asbury Theological Seminary, Masters of Art in Christian Education and Master of Divinity, Ellen lives with her husband and five sons in Kentucky.

What conversations are you having with your kids? There’s a difference between what you tell your kids and what you actually share, like what you would do with a peer in a conversation.

Real conversation is just sharing life with one another. It’s talking about things that interest you, things you love, and things that matter to you. Try to find that place with your children.

Think of the way Jesus discipled – it was by telling stories in the context of what the people he was talking to would understand and relate to, not by just telling them what to think.

Hard conversations are conversations that no one wants to have. They are the awkward conversations, ones that we want to put off or evade, but you know deep down you’ll have to face them somehow. Sometimes, you just don’t know how to answer the question.

Be mindful that while you may have a lot of emotional baggage attached to certain topics, a child might just simply be asking an honest question. For them, it may not be loaded with emotion.

There are a few tools that you can use to tackle difficult conversations with your kids:

Be honest. It may seem obvious, but it is very important. As parents it’s really easy and sometimes more convenient for us to be evasive. Being honest might mean having to share a hard reality with your kids. If you think the topic is too heavy for them at the moment, be honest about it. Tell your kids it’s not something you think you they are ready for now, but when the time comes, you will talk about it.
Keep it simple. Answer as briefly and succinctly as you can. Kids are pretty straightforward and you should be too. If they need to know more, they will ask more. This will also help them engage more in a good conversation.
Use terms that make sense to them. Try to see things from their perspective. Instead of assuming, ask your kids what they mean by the question they are asking. Turn the question into a meaningful conversation and you’ll really understand where they are coming from.
Present the facts. The facts are not burdened by emotional baggage or external motivation. You can present the facts then discuss how they make you feel, but don’t assign feelings to other people because you don’t know. Also make sure that you don’t speak for others. Only present the things you know for a fact.

Be honoring, not just honest. In all your conversations, be motivated and led by love. Create a safe space for your kids to come to you with anything that is on their minds.

Resources Mentioned

Things for Thursday: Text THINGS to 66866
Ellen’s website: https://alifesharedwithkids.com
Ellen’s book: A Life Shared: Meaningful Conversations with Our Kids

161 Survival Guide: Spiritual Disciplines with Hunter Wheatcraft

Sun, 16 Feb 2020 16:00:43 +0000

You may have never used the term “spiritual disciplines” when thinking about the way that you’re raising your children, but I guarantee that you have been instilling them in their lives, over the course of the last several years.

Today I’m joined by my good friend and co-pastor at my church, Hunter Wheatcraft and we talk about ways to instill spiritual disciplines in different age groups, all the way from elementary through college aged students.

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

Show Highlights

Spiritual disciplines are the practices we need to do regularly to have a healthy spiritual life. These include prayer, reading the Bible, and being engaged in the church community, among others.

Instilling these disciplines in younger children can be challenging because they are still developing their relationship with Jesus at the same time. But, just the act of planting these gospel seeds and building these habits that they will carry on into adulthood is valuable.

Today’s culture of instant gratification, it might be hard to think of the process of developing discipline. But, strengthen your and your kids’ spiritual muscles is a long-term endeavor.

Remember, what you feed will grow, what you starve will die.

If your children are having a difficult time growing their relationship with Jesus, try examining what they are feeding their spiritual life with. What music are they listening to? What shows do they watch? Who do they follow on social media? If they are starving themselves spiritually, you shouldn’t expect that they will have a hunger for the things of God.

There are so many ways to strengthen that relationship with God and you can approach it different ways, depending on the interests of your child. Whether they are into music, art, or sports, you can incorporate worship and service into it.

To incorporate spiritual disciplines in your life, go about it the same way you would develop any other good habit.

Pair something new and maybe challenging, like daily bible reading, with something pleasurable, like having hot chocolate or coffee with it.

Start small. Instead of starting your kids with the longest prayers, pick something short, something that will hold their attention. Keep doing this as you build their spiritual muscles and develop the craving for these good spiritual habits. Eventually, the routine itself will become the reward.

Resources Mentioned

Things for Thursday: Text THINGS to 66866

160 Survival Guide: Wise Choices

Sun, 09 Feb 2020 16:00:27 +0000

Today on Let’s Parent on Purpose, we’re going to talk about how to encourage our children to walk wisely in a fool’s world as I continue my Survival Guide series on the most essential things that we want our young people to know before they leave our house.

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

Thank you to this week’s sponsor: The Lake Tahoe Couples Getaway. Sign up before Valentine’s Day and you can receive a $100 discount per person on this amazing couples retreat November 13-16 at the Hyatt Regency on Lake Tahoe. Use this link to let them know I sent you! https://www.tahoecouplesgetaway.com/lpop

Show Highlights

Think about all the decisions your child will have to make throughout their lives.

Our world today is so different from the one that we grew up in and everyday our children are faced with influences that will make them question their faith. That, and dealing with hormonal changes of adolescence, will grow different feelings in them as to what they want to do in the moment.

Ephesians 5:15-17 tells us: “Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of time because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish but understand what the will of the Lord is.”

As they go out into the world, there are several evils that our children may face, especially drinking and wildfire sexuality – and in our culture that celebrates that everything goes, those two are often combined.

These both may seem appealing to our growing children, but as parents, we have to remind them that getting out of bounds with alcohol and sexuality is in contrast to the Lord’s way. It’s foolishness and there will be consequences.

Do this by pointing out examples of the terrible consequences of alcoholism and overt sexuality. Remind your kids, “You get to choose to be a wise person. A wise person makes moral judgments and installs moral guardrails before their feelings get turned up high.”

When the feelings are up is a really bad time to make decisions. Think of it as driving on the side of a mountain without guardrails. That would be terrifying. The guardrail keeps you from danger. Help your children establish guardrails and boundaries – even before they find themselves in a high-emotion situation.

When they are younger, we set the parameters for them as parents, but as they start to get older and have more relationships, instead of telling them what to do, you want to make sure that you are asking them, what are your guardrails? What are your standards? Guide them, but let them own it.

As a parent helping your child walk wisely in a fool’s world, keep in mind the following – both for your child and for yourself:

Jesus makes the dirty clean. You may have done or thought of some unclean deeds, but you don’t have to live in them, they don’t have to identify you.
Jesus frees the slaves. You don’t have to do the things that you used to do once you put your faith in Christ. You don’t have to be bound by decisions you’ve made in the past.
Jesus lives as Lord. He rose again from the grave proving that he is the Son of God. If you submit yourself to the Lordship of Jesus and if you live as his servant, following his way, there’s going to be paydays along the way.

Living for Jesus has a cost, but it also has immediate rewards, intermediate rewards, and eternal rewards. May Jesus bless you and your family along the way.

Resources Mentioned

Things for Thursday: Text THINGS to 66866

159: Survival Guide: Others First

Sat, 01 Feb 2020 16:00:10 +0000

Today I’m going to cover the concept of considering others before yourself. For something that sounds so simple to say, it can be one of the hardest practices to master in life. It’s also my second topic in my survival series where I cover the core principles that your child needs to master before leaving your home.

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

Show Highlights

It may seem counterintuitive, but considering others before yourself may be the best survival strategy there is and something important to instill in your children.

Think back to when you were younger. We all have experiences of being too afraid to stand up for kids being bullied. Sometimes we’re not mean, but we wouldn’t put ourselves out there for people we can’t gain from. Talking with your kids about it in the first person, based on examples from your own life, makes it very relatable.

We naturally put a lot of effort into self preservation.

We associate based on perceived status. If someone has money, looks, connections, and we think associating with them is going to get us ahead, we tend to overlook major character issues in their life and major warning signs. We want to associate ourselves with them whether they are of quality character or not.
We distance ourselves from potential threats – not just people who will directly hurt or harm us, but also people who by association will get us laughed at or made fun of. They may be good people, but we will not come to their defense publicly.
We make the mistake of self-promotion instead of genuine self-sacrifice. In our social media obsessed world, we tend to post our good deeds online. Will you still do good deeds even if no one knows about them?

If it’s just a matter of evolution, survival of the fittest, this would work. However, our faith in the teachings of Jesus commands us to do the opposite – to not self-preserve, but to look out for those around us, to count out others more significant than ourselves. Life others up, humble yourself, because God will lift you up.

If your faith is true:

Be united in your outlook.
Be others-first in your actions.
Be Christian in your attitudes. Model how Jesus put others before him.

Teach your kids to think about what they are doing and how it affects others. In your own house, leaving dishes in the sink, leaving toys out, leaving your chores undone are examples of not considering others. It’s not just laziness, but selfishness, but not thinking of the other person. Point your children towards Christ. One of the ways you show that you belong to Jesus is by being considerate and thinking of others more than yourself.

Character is revealed not by what we do when everybody’s looking, not by what we do when there’s rewards, not by what we do when we’re going to advance because of it, but by what you do to the people from whom you have nothing to gain.

It’s a simple concept, but one that is so powerful that it will transform your life and the life of your children. Giving your life away is the greatest survival strategy that you could possibly have.

Resources Mentioned

Things for Thursday: Text THINGS to 66866

158 Survival Guide: Meaningful Friendships

Sun, 26 Jan 2020 16:00:34 +0000

When your child has graduated and now they’re out of your house, sitting on their bed in their dorm room or apartment, what are the key principles that you pray are driven deep into their soul?

Today, I’m going to begin a series that 12 most important principles that will help our children go beyond survival and thrive in a turbulent world.

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

Show Highlights

One major core principle your children should possess is knowing how to make meaningful friendships. Help them understand that our friends determine the direction and quality of our lives.

We naturally walk, talk, dress, and think like the people we are with most often. Sometimes it’s healthy to step back and get some perspective. Ask your kids to reflect on the question: Do I like the composite of who they are becoming? Because that’s who I’m becoming.

Finding a church community that is vibrant and really supports your child could light their life on fire. Without spiritual friendships, you’ll realize how lonely it could be.

As it says in the Bible, “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.”

Talk to your children about the warning signs of people they may want to avoid. MADGAS, inspired by Proverbs 20, is an acronym that helps identify toxic friendships and relationships that can end up ruining your child’s life.

Manipulator – These are people who are good at getting you to do what you shouldn’t and don’t want to do by guilting or shaming you. As parents, also make sure that you’re not being a manipulator to your child.
Addict – Addiction destroys humanity. It destroys those who might have once been caring, loving, and generous. Addicts become incredibly self-centered and other become commodities to them. Continue to have conversations with your children about substance abuse in terms of the destructive outcomes it can bring about.
Deceiver – These are the liars, those who are not trustworthy. Help your children understand that if they will lie to other people, they will probably lie to you. Lying breaks relationships.
Gossip – There are people who feel better about themselves by tearing everybody down. If they gossip with you, they will gossip about you. As a parent, make sure that you aren’t gossiping in front of your child as well.
Arguer – The arguer is more concerned with appearing right than they are the people around them. They are a big drain on energy.
Slug – People who have a poor work ethic and just sit around and wait for everybody to serve them. Be mindful if you are carrying the load in the relationship.

Avoid MADGAS and avoid being them as well.

If your child identifies these toxic relationships among their friends, there are two things they can do:

Diversify. You don’t need to be around the same people all the time.
Dilute. Add new people to your friendship group to change the dynamic of the group.

On the other hand, JETPACKs will launch you and uplift you. This stands for people who are: Joyful, Encourager, Trustworthy, Peacemaker, Active, Christ-centered, Kingdom-minded.

Encourage your children to be the kind of friend that they want. Be a blessing to others.

Resources Mentioned

Things for Thursday: Text THINGS to 66866
Free Audio Books: freeaudibletrial.com/letsparentonpurpose
Book: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

157 How to Disciple Your Children

Sun, 19 Jan 2020 16:00:15 +0000

The concept of discipling our children can sound very intimidating. There’s no end to the volumes of books and programs that have been created to help us make disciples. But sometimes all the books and programs bring confusion rather than clarity.

As I think through the discipleship of my own children, I begin to think of how Jesus made disciples. My brainstorm quickly grew to a list of 25 ways that Jesus made disciples. Ironically, the larger the list grew, the more encouraged I was. I want to share it with you, because it will help you realize that

You are in a better position to disciple your children than anyone else in the world.
You’re already doing most of the things Jesus did to make disciples.

If you’re interested in support Let’s Parent On Purpose as it reaches moms and dads around the world, consider joining our Patreon Support Community

If you’d like help with changing the conversations in your household, text the word THINGS to 66866 to get a copy of my Fun Family Conversations Ebook!

As promised on this podcast episode, here’s my list of 25 ways that Jesus made disciples:

How did Jesus disciple people?

Spend a lot of time with them over several years
Slept in the same places where they sleep
Ate with them
Let them see His personal walk with God
Went to celebrations with them
Went on walks with them
Told them stories
Worked and played together
Encouraged them when they did well
Confronted them when they were going the wrong way
Showed patience with them when they just weren’t strong enough
Showed weakness in front of them and let them help him
Asked them a lot of questions
Gave them tasks that were beyond anything they had done to that point
Went to religious meetings with them
Read scripture with them and discussed its meaning
Served other people with them
Talked about the things of God in informal times
Showed them how to do things
Let them do things that He was better at than them
Showed his full range of emotions around them
Prayed for and with them
Laid down His life for them
Preached the gospel to them
Empowered them to carry the word and work of God into the world

Look at that list. You’re already doing many of these! And it wouldn’t take much effort to add some of the others. Discipleship is Life on Life. Keep on discipling your children, and take joy in the journey!

156 Single Parenting with Grit and Grace

Sun, 12 Jan 2020 16:00:46 +0000

Raising a child as a single parent has to be one of the most difficult things you can do on this earth. Whether you’re a single parent right now or whether you’re in a married relationship, I encourage you to listen to this podcast because you’re going to be encouraged, you’re going to be challenged and convicted as I talk with my friend Marissa Morris on the challenges and joys of single parenting. If you’d like, you can read Marissa’s testimony HERE.

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

Show Highlights

Bringing up your children with a partner is difficult enough, but single parenting poses unique challenges that can be overcome with a little help from your community.

Single mom Marissa Morris shares that, as she raises her son, she is acutely aware that the relationship between a husband and wife which is symbolic of the relationship between Christ and the Church is missing in her home. Still, she trusts that the Lord will equip her to fill in the gaps for her son and that He will provide godly men in her child’s life that will mentor him and show him what it means to be a godly man living with integrity and grace.

As a single parent, you have to do everything – caring for your child, household duties, work. But, Marissa says it is vital to spend time with the Lord no matter how busy she is in a day. “I can’t be a parent that the Lord called me to be unless I’m actually spending time with the Lord.”

Carve out time to fill your well up spending personal time with the Lord and make sure your children see that you are doing it. It’s not just something you do when you’re alone or your children are asleep. Our children need to see that the most important relationship we have is with the Lord.

As a single parent, community is important. In Marissa’s experience, it helps to be actively involved in her faith community. They were the ones who walked her through good times and bad – from struggling with forgiveness and grace after giving birth, to being a huge support with advice as she raises her child.

Involving yourself in classes and group activities might mean an investment of time and resources, but the future dividends will be far beyond what you spend for it. Being involved in a strong church community gives you the mothers, fathers, brothers, and sisters that your child needs.

Being a single parent doesn’t mean you have to raise your children alone. More than ever you need the family of God supporting you and your children.

Resources Mentioned

155 Filling Your Day With What's Most Important

Sun, 05 Jan 2020 16:00:51 +0000

This year I’m incorporating a new strategy to help bring accountability and focus to my days. I’m want to share it with you because if you’re like me, there are plenty of things in each of your days that are out of your control and I want to help you define a specific set of actions that you can control that can bring stability, focus, and perspective to your days.

To save you some scrolling, if you’re looking for My Wife Emily’s Habit Tracker just click the link.

I would like to thank my Patreon supporters for their support. I use this money to outsource things I do not like to do or don’t know how to do, which is very helpful to me as I share the content of this podcast with all of you. Subscriptions and reviews matter on iTunes, and I thank you for those who have done so, particularly mpatrick0815 and rachel.beth and murray1919 and nzolo1. You sharing this podcast is the number one way for people to find it!

Show Highlights

At the beginning of each year, we love making resolutions and plans. I’m a heavy planner myself, but, as time goes by, I’ve realized that most of my plans don’t come true, largely due to the many things that happen that are out of our control.

However, there are several things that ARE in your control. There are small but significant things that if you put yourself towards them, you can say you gave it your best.

When I do everything in my control, I can say to myself at the end of the day: “I cannot control the outcomes, but as far as inputs go, I feel like I honored the Lord with how I did my day.”

Take some time to reflect on the little things that you can do each day. What are the key things that you want to include in your day that at the end of the day you can say it was a good day, you gave it your best, you did the right things.

Start incorporating these things into your daily routine by trying habit stacking. Take note of things that are automatic to you: eating at the same time; taking the same route to work; your morning routine. Then, add a new habit that you want to develop to your routine, creating a chain reaction of habits.

For example, I’ve been able to establish the routine of waking up early everyday. I can then stack it with my prayer time. I drink coffee early in the morning everyday. I can stack reading the Word for the day on to that.

Habit stacking eliminates the effort of developing new habits separately. One habit dominoes into the other.

Keep up new habits by doing habit tracking. List down the habits you want to form and check off each time you’re able to fulfill them.

These principles and strategies can help shape your days in a way that ultimately shapes your character and your destiny.

Remember, when you sow a thought, you begin an action and when you sow an action, you start to begin developing a habit. When you sow a habit, you reap character in the long run.

You really have the opportunity to set yourself up for a year of thriving.

Resources Mentioned

Jay’s email: jay@letsparentonpurpose.com
Jay’s e-book: Fun Family Conversations. Text THINGS to 66866 to download for free.
Previous episode: Nir Eyal: Raising Indistractable Children
Previous episode: This Year: Do Less, Better
Book: The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg
Book: Atomic Habits by James Clear
Book: Indistractable by Nir Eyal
My Wife Emily’s Habit Tracker
App: PrayerMate
Journal: Levenger 5-year journal

154 This Year: Do Less, Better

Sun, 29 Dec 2019 16:00:56 +0000

Today I’ve got five questions to share with you as you go into this new year that might help you to do less, but to do it better.

Show Highlights

My New Year’s resolution is: I want to do less than I did last year and the year before that.

Think of it like pruning a tree or, in the case of John 15, a vine. Jesus says that he’s the vine and every branch that bears fruit must be pruned so it can bear more fruit. In the context of your life, maybe it’s time to re-evaluate and not add more new things to divide your attention with. Try to focus on doing the more important and fruitful things better.

Productivity isn’t always the same as fruitfulness. Sure, you can get a bunch of things done, but sometimes those things aren’t beneficial to you when you consider the bigger picture. If you just try to get everything done, you could easily burn yourself into exhaustion and in the process maybe become bitter or edgy in your relationships and in your outlook on life.

In Luke 10, we hear the story of Mary and Martha. They welcomed Jesus into their house and while he was there, Mary decided to sit at his feet and listen to his teachings. Martha was distracted by chores and work she thought she had to do to serve Jesus as a guest. When she asks Jesus to tell Mary to help her, the Lord answered: “Martha, you are anxious and troubled about so many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”

As we approach 2020, here are five clarifying questions that can help you take a critical look at what you’re doing in your life, and what you might be able to do less:

What’s one activity I find myself doing that does not add true value to myself or anyone else?
What’s something that I do primarily motivated by guilt or fear of what someone else will think?
What’s something I spend money on that does not truly enhance my life in the least?
If I was paying someone $100 an hour to coach me, what’s one thing that they would tell me to stop doing?
What’s the one thing I can do that by doing it, many other things become easier or unnecessary?

My “one thing” in my personal life is what I call my “margin in the morning.” It’s that couple of hours in the early morning when I have no distractions from work calls and emails, from my kids, or anything else. I use this time to pray, to walk, to exercise, and to read the Bible. When I am able to do this, I find that I can engage people in a completely different way.

In my work life, my one thing is to create. Whether it’s creating sermons, lessons, or content, if I am able to eliminate distractions and just concentrate on that creative time, it seems to help me and others the most.

Going back to John 15, remember in this coming year that you are not called to bear fruit. You are called to abide in Jesus. When you abide in Jesus, He will produce fruit through his spirit in your life. When you are able to prune your life, to focus on the best things you can do, it will help you to catch your breath, to actually sit at the feet of Jesus a little bit more.

Resources Mentioned

Jay’s email: jay@letsparentonpurpose.com
Jay’s e-book: Fun Family Conversations. Text THINGS to 66866 to download for free.
Previous episode: Nir Eyal: Raising Indistractable Children
Book: The One Thing by Gary Keller with Jay Papasan

153 Seasons of Life

Sun, 22 Dec 2019 16:00:56 +0000

If you have any hope of parenting your family over the very long run, then you have to understand and live by some helpful rules for recovery.

Show Highlights

I am currently writing a book! Its working title is Parenting is a Marathon, Not a Sprint. The chapter I want to share with you today is Seasons of Life from the section Rules for Recovery.

I’ve trained for and joined several marathons and one of the major things I’ve learned from them is that the rarity is when things go smoothly. Mishaps happen along the trail no matter how hard you train or how well you prepare.

In the same way, we live in a sinful, broken world. You should expect injury, exhaustion, and depletion. BUT, you don’t have to live injured, exhausted, and depleted.

A wise runner adapts their training and competitive schedule to their environment and a wise parent also needs to recognize the Seasons of Life.

The Seasons of Life include:

Child development seasons. Growing years can be full of wonder as your child begins to explore friendships, hobbies, and interests. Through the years, they will hit milestones in the development of their mind, body, and spirit. Their levels of competence and independence will change too. You’ll find yourself in different roles as caregiver, coach, and adviser as they journey towards adulthood. You have to adjust to their needs depending on what stage they are at. You might be experiencing several seasons at once if you have multiple kids.
Transition season. We sometimes experience a season of change in our family life, whether it’s moving to a different place, switching schools, welcoming a new member into the family. Change takes time to get used to and can sometimes be intimidating. Help each other through this season.
Grieving season. Whether it’s a death in the family, a painful end of friendship, or a moral failure, grief can overcome a family. If you find your family in a grieving season, slow down. Give time and space for the grieving and don’t push to get past this immediately. Acknowledge the hurt and the brokenness, but also the hope that you have in Christ. Give it time.
Busy seasons. Sometimes you find yourself with more to do than you can possibly get done. But, watch out. If you cannot see an endpoint where things will decompress, it isn’t just a season. It could be a dangerously unhealthy lifestyle. Stop and make some changes. Stop trying to be superhuman.
Special needs seasons. Taking care of a family member that’s sick or has special needs means your family is going through a difficult but ultimately strengthening period. You may not be able to enjoy things that other “normal” families do in this season, but God is using this season to form each person’s character. Jesus is making you more like him. As you take care of your sick family member, be aware of the needs of other people in the family as well.

What seasons have you experienced? What season are you in right now? How did this season change what you are able to expect from yourself?

You can’t be everything to everyone at the same time. The secret to surviving the long-haul is realizing your situation and responding accordingly.

Resources Mentioned

Jay’s e-book: Fun Family Conversations. Text THINGS to 66866 to download for free.
Previous episode: Teaching Your Children How To Grieve with Bethany McLaughlin

152 Nir Eyal: Raising Indistractable Children

Sun, 15 Dec 2019 16:00:36 +0000

In today’s world, parents and children alike seemed to be fighting an endless battle with distraction. It seems like every month a new technology comes out that shortens our attention span. But what if the technology isn’t to blame? What if the real issue isn’t our phones, it’s us? My guest today Nir Eyal, author of the book Indistractable, is going to coach us on understanding the tendencies that we have for distraction, and help us with a roadmap for Raising Indistractable Children.

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

Show Highlights

With evolving technology like virtual and augmented reality and artificial intelligence, the future is becoming more and more distracting for our kids. In fact, Nir Eyal says, becoming indistractable is the skill of the century.

Being indistractable – being able to take control of your attention, your time, and your life as opposed to other people controlling it for you – is really valuable for people of all ages, not just children. Becoming indistractable yourself is a step to helping your child master the skill as well.

One major cause of distraction is seeking an escape from something we don’t want to feel. Whether it’s stress, anxiety, fatigue, we impulsively turn to distractions to take our mind off these uncomfortable feelings. The first step we have to take is to understand how to master those internal triggers.

When it come to kids, the problem is, parents have no idea what their kids are escaping from when they overuse the number one distraction – technology. Parents often blame external factors, anything that is not us. The risk is, we don’t get to the root of why our kids turn to distractions.

We need to address our children’s need to affirm their competency, confidence, and autonomy. If they aren’t able to feel these offline, they’ll look for these online. Nir says, “If we fail to understand the deeper reason why kids overuse technology, we keep putting bandaids on a gash wound.”

Help your child by setting parameters and involving them in making the rules. 45 minutes of screen time is not harmful, as long as it is age appropriate content. Working this into your child’s schedule also takes their mind off of it the rest of the day. They know they get to play their video game or watch their show at the right time. If they make the rules with you, they will be less likely to cheat.

Resources Mentioned

Jay’s e-book: Fun Family Conversations. Text THINGS to 66866 to download for free.
Nir’s book: Indistractable
Nir’s book: Hooked
Nir’s website: https://www.nirandfar.com/

151 Teaching Your Children How to Grieve with Bethany McLaughlin

Sun, 08 Dec 2019 16:00:01 +0000

As much as we would like to shelter our children from any terrible events and tragedies happening in their life, life is going to be filled with grief and loss. My friend Bethany McLaughlin joins me today as we talk about how to teach your children to grieve.

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

Show Highlights

As parents, it’s normal for us to want to shelter our children from pain and sadness. But, remember that even Jesus wept and grieved. So it’s natural for all of us, who were made in his image and likeness, to grieve.

Bethany McLaughlin points out, “hard things are going to happen to our kids and by shielding them from that, we’re setting them up for failure.” Grieving is a natural gift from God that helps us process loss.

We don’t have to change our child’s grief over any type of loss that they encounter. Rather, we have to equip them with tools they need to deal what they are experiencing.

Here are some things to keep in mind to help our children through their journey of loss and grief:

Starting the conversation early helps prepare the kids for difficult things they may encounter in the future. Don’t wait until you are in the middle of a difficult situation – and in the thick of your own grief to talk to your kids about it. Equip your kids with the tools they need if anything might happen later on.
The stages of grief do not happen in linear order. And, as a parent, you and your child may not be in a particular stage at the same time. It takes a lot of awareness and self-reflection to understand this. Your job is not to hurry them through the sadness. Let them go through the process at their own pace.
Give your children with an emotional vocabulary to express what they are going through. Use concrete language because children don’t understand abstract thought at a young age. If you say the one who dies “is gone” or “is asleep” they may not get the point. Or worse, they’ll develop unnecessary fears. Children just need you to be honest with them.
Movies and stories can help children understand grief. Use Disney movies or children’s books to spark a conversation about loss and grief.
Curiosity can lead to compassion. Let your child know that they can talk to you about grief. Allow them to ask questions about hard topics like death and loss. Try to answer them as honestly as you can.

Bethany says, even more than equipping your children to handle their own feelings of grief, learning these concepts allows them to empathize better with others who are experiencing loss. “Having that empathy to understand other people’s grief and awareness of what others are experiencing will help them love others, which is our mission – to love God and to love others.”

Resources Mentioned

Jay’s e-book: Fun Family Conversations. Text THINGS to 66866 to download for free.
Book: Tear Soup by Pat Schwiebert and Chuck DeKlyen
Book: Finding Grandpa Everywhere: A Young Child Discovers Memories of Grandpa by John Hodge
Article: What God Says to Your Tears

150 How to Survive an Ostrich Attack with James Breakwell

Sun, 01 Dec 2019 16:00:19 +0000

Sometimes you come here for help on your marriage. Sometimes you tune in because you need an encouragement on your walk with God. And, sometimes you need to know how to save your child from ostrich attacks, accidental time travel, and anything else that might happen on an average Tuesday.

Today I’m joined by Twitter comic James Breakwell and we talk about… well, you’re just going to have to listen in and see.

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

Show Highlights

Parenting is hard. There are so many things out of your control that you want to change about yourself and so many things that you would shield your children from if you could. Our guest James Breakwell – a humorist and “amateur dad” to four daughters – highlights the importance of keeping humor in your parenting life and being able to not take things too seriously.

James’ parenting philosophy on “bare minimum parenting” started out as a joke: “What’s the least you can do to still turn out a productive human being?” He soon realized that he may have stumbled upon something that really makes sense. Doing less could be beneficial for your child. It makes them more independent while making you less stressed out. It lets you develop together.

In James’ new book “How to Save Your Child from Ostrich Attacks, Accidental Time Travel, and Anything Else that Might Happen on an Average Tuesday,” he outlines what to do in several survival scenarios with kids.

Some of these include defending you and your kids against:

Ostriches – “If you put a broom over your head, it will think you are a bigger ostrich and leave you alone.”
Geese – James calls geese “a real-life menace.” None of us want to admit that we want to fight a goose and look like a jerk in the process. But, secretly we all know that if one of us would just man up and take on that flock of geese and chase them out of here, we’d all be much happier.
Clowns – Clowns teach kids when to run away and when to fight. As James says, “A healthy level of irrational distrust is key to survival. Sometimes your paranoia is right and it’s definitely right in the case of clowns.”

Nobody is a parenting expert. Sometimes we get stuck in a performance-based relationship with our children and we fail to convey “I really love you just how you are and we’re going to work on this behavior together.”

There are no perfect people. We accept that. But then we turn around and ask ourselves, “Why am I not the perfect parent? Why don’t I have a perfect kid?”

Remember, in both our parenting and our faith, the more we stress out about being good and doing good and performing, the worse we become.

If you feel like you’ve screwed up your parenting, keep in mind the silver lining that our bad experiences are just great stories in the making, or if you’re James, material for your next joke.

Resources Mentioned

Jay’s e-book: Fun Family Conversations. Text THINGS to 66866 to download for free.
James’ website: explodingunicorn.com
James’ Twitter: @XplodingUnicorn
James’ new book: How to Save Your Child from Ostrich Attacks, Accidental Time Travel, and Anything Else that Might Happen on an Average Tuesday

149 Proactively Planning for Family Holiday Gatherings

Sun, 24 Nov 2019 12:00:43 +0000

Let’s be honest, just because we grew up together doesn’t mean we now have the same worldview, parenting styles, standards, goals, or aspirations. And sometimes we love every member of our family, and are mostly on the same page as them, but it’s just overwhelming when they all get together at once.

Today I give you a handy guide to having less stress, more fun, and perhaps even eternally significant extended family gatherings this Thanksgiving and Christmas

Steps Discussed

Release yourself from the guilt of thinking you’re going to please everybody.
Stop sabotaging the peace of all of the days leading up to your family gathering.
Make a plan. Aim to stick with your plan. Walk in grace when you cannot stick to your plan.
1. “How am I going to calendar these next few weeks with enough margin to not run ragged?”
2. “How am I going to coach my children for some of the unsavory experiences they might encounter with our extended family?”
3. “Knowing that I do not trust this particular person in my family, how am I going to make sure that my children are not left in vulnerable situations with them?”
4. “How am I going to redirect conversations with grace when they go down gossipy or destructive pathways?”
5. “How am I going to lovingly hold my boundaries when this particular family member tries to guilt or manipulate me?”
6. “How am I going to love and support my spouse as they navigate the different people in their family?”
Intentionally instill a time of personal worship and gratitude, for you and your immediate family.
Don’t miss the teaching and training opportunities in your own family. Have honest conversations (without gossip or disparaging) with some of the struggles you’ve had in your family before. Teach them how you’ve tried to love and also live in boundaries. Affirm their feelings if they don’t like some of their cousins. Coach them on how to show love to hard people.
Don’t go to your gatherings to “just get through them”, go seeking to be an instrument of grace.
Bring your other family members in as best as you can on the plan. If it’s dreadful for you, likely it’s dreadful for other family members. Since you have some time, start talking about how you might intentionally make the time more meaningful as you’re together. Maybe each family can put together a little photo video project of what happened over the last year. Maybe you can plan a service project together. Maybe as a family you can adopt a family in need and work together to provide for them.
Think of ways you can be “others first” without feeling resentful and manipulated.
Don’t add to your spouse’s stress by guilting them over their family.
Pray for your family!

No family is perfect. Every family needs grace. And most likely, you’re the cause of other family members’ anxiety too! Love well, be intentional, and have hope.
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148 "Our Divorce Didn't Work Out" with Tray and Melody Lovvorn

Sun, 17 Nov 2019 16:00:54 +0000

Plenty of marriages end in divorce. But today you are going to hear from a couple who’s divorce didn’t really work out for them. Tray and Melody Lovvorn share their story of marriage, addiction, divorce, and remarriage to one another. Their story is going to strengthen your own marriage.

If you find this podcast helpful, you can subscribe and click here to find past topics and free resources. Feel free to share with others, as well! I want to thank my Patreon supporters. Without them, this podcast would not have been possible. If you would like to help support Let’s Parent on Purpose, you can do so by becoming a patron. I send a weekly email called “Things for Thursday” and it includes things I’ve found helpful related to parenting, marriage, and sometimes just things I find funny! You can sign up for “Things for Thursday” by joining my newsletter on my homepage.

Show Highlights

Tray and Melody Lovvorn are a husband and wife team who have created the Undone Redone Ministry. In addition to their podcast, they provide seminars, coaching, a website, and support for men and women needing help in their marriage and parenting. Tray and Melody were married for 11 years before pornography addiction dissolved their marriage. After six years of divorce, God brought healing and transformation to their lives. They reunited in marriage together and are now on their second 11-year anniversary. I highly recommend that you visit their website and their podcast.

The Problem

Tray

I began looking at pornography at a very young age, and I didn’t know how to deal with emotions going through me at that time. It became my go-to escape and where I went when I had emotional problems.
You can have a sin addiction, but you can be fooling yourself that it’s not that bad because you can see growth in other areas of your life, including spiritual areas.
God doesn’t cut us off because we have one or two messed up areas.
The more I was struggling, the more I felt like “Well I know God’s faithful on His side, but I keep messing up my end of the deal.”
Porn is a gateway to the Gospel because it actually introduces us to the reality of Gospel – that it was never about our good choices. It was about the finished work of Christ.
I thought marriage was going to fix my problem with sexual sin, but it didn’t.

Melody

For me, the problem wasn’t something that you could put your finger on. Tray would be there physically but not emotionally. I thought we were a team, but I would look around and think “Where’d he go?”
There’s a lot of confusion and you think: “Wait, I thought I was taking care of you, I thought I was loving you well.”
The enemy loves to come in and just stir all that up.

The Path to Divorce

Tray

All the hidden emotions and secrets exploded after 8 years of marriage, but I (Tray) was very motivated to not be divorced.
We felt like God was bringing us back together, but I (Tray) had not gone to the root issue of the problem. I was so focused on the outward behaviors.
- It was like a tree – I was looking to saw off the branches, but I had not really gone to the deeper root issues of my brokenness.
Community is absolutely key.
- When we look at just how shame grows and thrives, it needs three things. It needs silence, secrecy, and isolation. And so, if we need an antidote for that, we need to show up and share our stories in community with one another. And that’s what’s going to dispel shame.
Clinically what we’re dealing with is an intimacy disorder.
- You can’t find healing from an intimacy disorder in isolation.
Life got stressful and hard and I (Tray) reverted to what I had always done to medicate the pain in my life – pornography.
Many women don’t understand that sometimes loving someone and letting them go and turning them over to the Lord is maybe the most loving thing you can do.
The opposite of love is indifference.
- Indifference means you have separated in very unhealthy ways.
After our divorce, I began to hear the Gospel and understand that the purpose of the law is to see our desperate need for grace.
I had to really wrestle with the Father in the deep places of pain and understand that I had spent my life avoiding and medicating pain when the healing was on the other side of the pain.

Healing and reconciliation

Melody

There was no win in the divorce. Tray’s sin was exposed before our marriage ended and my heart was exposed after our divorce. Outwardly, I looked really good, but privately I could be as angry as I wanted with him.
We tried to hide it from our kids because we didn’t want them to feel like they were caught in the middle. ‘

Tray

What made our reconciliation possible was:

1. Melody kept me alive in the home. Sharing memories of me and praying with the kids for me.
2. Understanding the Gospel that I had never really understood, which was God loved me and His grace was transforming power not only saving power.

I didn’t know who I was as a man in Christ and so I looked to Melody to validate me and then to pornography and other women to justify who I was as a man.
If you’re looking for somebody else to complete you, you will be perpetually incomplete.
One of the main things we teach couples is that marriage is difficult by design. God uniquely uses the relationship of marriage as a part of our sanctification.

The Journey to Remarriage

Tray

As we journeyed individually back to a deeper understanding of His heart, we realized that we weren’t the same people we were married to before.
I began to realize who I was as a man and I began to live out of my true identity.
Understanding that God loves me gave me courage to go into my brokenness.
We dated in secret because we didn’t want our kids’ hopes to get up if it didn’t work out.
By facing our fears, seeing a counselor, and trusting in the Lord, we finally got to the point where it was time to come public and get remarried.
We slowly let our kids and family integrate back into this.

As a parent, how do you set a culture that doesn’t drive your kids to shame if they find themselves faced with the issues of pornography and its manifestations?We’ve got to prepare our children. we’ve got to shepherd their hearts. We don’t expose them to inappropriate things, but we don’t pretend the world is different than it is. If we have ongoing conversations with our kids, we are communicating to our kids that we care and that we want to protect them. We create connections with our kids, and we create trust. It’s about shepherding their hearts and not so much being focused on their outward behavior. When we’re focused on outward behavior, shame is a very good tool to get to that desired behavior. But it does nothing to shepherd their hearts. It is damaging to our children’s hearts in the long run.

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I was so focused on the outward behaviors – it was like a tree - I was looking to saw off the branches, but I had not really gone to the deeper root issues of my brokenness.
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The opposite of love is indifference.
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If you’re looking for somebody else to complete you, you will be perpetually incomplete.
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Understanding that God loves me gave me courage to go into my brokenness.
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Resources Mentioned

Tray and Melody’s Ministry Website

Episode 32: Our Story

MySecureFamily Resources for Parents

Melody’s Course for Women Who Have Experienced Betrayal

Our Christ-Centered Recovery Program for Men

EMBARK Men’s Recovery Intensive

Tray’s Bio

Melody’s Bio

147 Samuel Thomas: Living on Mission Won't Make Your Children Miss Out

Sun, 10 Nov 2019 16:00:25 +0000

If we’re honest, sometimes, we are afraid that following Jesus is going to be too costly for ourselves or our children. What if my obedience to Christ turns my children off to following Jesus themselves or it makes them lose out on some amazing opportunities that they may otherwise have? Today, I am having a conversation with the son of one of this past century’s greatest missionaries. You will hear how a childhood spent with parents who were radical in their obedience to Christ prepared him for what God had in store for his life.

Give a Hope Chest

If you find this podcast helpful, you can subscribe and click here to find past topics and free resources. Feel free to share with others, as well! If you would like to help support Let’s Parent on Purpose, you can do so by becoming a patron. I send a weekly email called “Things for Thursday” and it includes things I’ve found helpful related to parenting, marriage, and sometimes just things I find funny! You can sign up for “Things for Thursday” by joining my newsletter on my homepage. Also, check out my Facebook page for updates and encouragements.

Show Highlights

Sometimes we let our children be an excuse to not obey the Lord. As if God can’t take care of them as well if we do what God asks of us. Our guest today is Dr. Samuel Thomas, who is a native of India. He is the president of Hopegivers International, which provides “help for today, hope for eternity” by rescuing orphaned, abandoned, and at-risk children, and assists the needy and oppressed in collaboration with their ministry partners. Hopegivers is dedicated to fulfilling the Great Commission through the empowerment of the gospel. Over the last 60 years, God has used the ministry to plant 70,000 churches and transform the lives of tens of thousands of children. Dr. Thomas grew up in the home of Hopegivers founder, Dr. M.A. Thomas. As a child, the faith and obedience of M.A. Thomas helped shape Samuel for the calling that God has on his own life. He is here to speak about the importance of his parents’ faith and ministry on his formative years, and how serving God and obeying His call on our lives will enable our children to become heirs of the kingdom of God.

S.T.: I grew up in a pastor’s home, who was a man of God. Growing up in the home, what I remember the most is that no matter what, the kids did not start the day without family prayer. At 5:30 in the morning, we had to wake up and read one chapter of Proverbs together. My parents were most concerned that we learn these principles in life:

Not to lie
Not to cheat
To respect our elders
And to see if we can solve the problem instead of creating the problem

Even if I didn’t join my parents in prayer, my father wanted to instill in me the importance of prayer. My parents served the Lord and believed that the children should be trained in that as well.

J: What did serving the Lord look like in your family?

S.T.: My parents were trying to encourage me that there’s nobody better in life to ask for your things than God. My dad always said: There’s nothing more glorious than serving God. My dad realized that the best way to reach the country without bringing in missionaries from the outside was to raise orphans, who know the language and the culture, to be heirs to the kingdom of God – to raise them to know God and send them back to the people. That is what we do. We now have 47 homes taking care of children all across India. Now Hopegivers has over 70,000 churches through the children who grew up in the homes. Our hope at Hopegivers is not to give every luxury to the child. But every child should have food, clothes, soap, and access to medical facilities; every child should read the Bible (morning, afternoon, and evening). We want to make sure that no child in our orphanage feels like they are an orphan. We give them all the love and care that they need. You cannot ask for a more cursed situation than to be an orphan. Growing up in our home, growing up in the orphanage, its all about knowing that there is God who loves you, who fearfully and wonderfully has made you, and there’s a purpose in their life.

J: Sometimes parents can be called to do something for the Lord, but shrink back in fear that they’re going to be robbing their children by doing it. As your parents obeyed God in their own lives, how did this affect you?

S.T.: Firstly, I thought that they were taking advantage of me because I had no choice. But they were not doing that. They were teaching me how to be unselfish. They were teaching me how to care for others. Did they take away my freedom? No. Did it make me uncomfortable? Yes. But the reality is that there was something my father wanted to train in me. That’s where I learned to value people not possessions. Value relationship, not education. I would not trade growing up in the home that I did. I am thankful to God for the hardship that we had that did not actually take things away; it actually taught me things that I would never have learned in college.

J: High character is not formed from a cushy life. High character is formed when you are pushed out of your comfort zone and you learn that you are not the center of the world and that you’re not in charge of things. It’s through suffering and sacrifice that our character is really formed.

S.T.: Parents, God has given you the greatest wealth, greatest inheritance, greatest treasure – that’s your children. They’ll speak for you for ages to come if you raise them to be heirs for Christ. If you can learn from God how to be humble and if you can learn from God how to love people, no country can stop you from being a missionary for God.

J: You don’t have the luxury of spoiling the orphans, except at Christmas through Hope Chest. What is Hope Chest?

S.T.: Most of the children we bring to the orphanage don’t have any possessions. So, in October and November, we have a tailor come in and measure the children for a new girl’s outfit or boy’s outfit. They will get a pair of shoes, socks, a couple of undergarments, a blanket, a sweater, toiletries, a plate, and a glass. These hope chests are made from a cloth bag or vinyl material. For the entire year, this is the children’s closet. The orphans who have left will tell you that the best moments of their lives were when we gave them the hope chests. Are they spoiled? No. Are they grateful? Yes.

J: Every Christmas, my family tries to think of some way that we can honor Jesus. The past several years, one of the ways we have done this is to give money to Hope Chest. $50 dollars will provide a complete hope chest. This might be a really good entry point for your family. Please, try and make Christmas about Jesus and not about the accumulation of stuff.

J: How can we pray for you, Dr. Thomas?

S.T.: Pray that we will never lose focus – that is to glorify Christ by taking care of the orphans. Glorify Him by life or death. May we continue to finish well.

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High character is not formed from a cushy life.
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Parents, God has given you the greatest wealth, greatest inheritance, greatest treasure - that’s your children. They’ll speak for you for ages to come if you raise them to be heirs for Christ.
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If you can learn from God how to be humble and if you can learn from God how to love people, no country can stop you from being a missionary for God.
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Resources Mentioned

Hopegivers International

Give a Hope Chest

146 Dealing with Doubt

Sun, 03 Nov 2019 16:00:44 +0000

Do you ever have doubts about your faith? Do your children? Whether it’s doubting the existence of God altogether or doubting whether you have everything particularly right in Scripture, we all go through times of doubt. Today I want to share some insights on how you can walk forward as you’re dealing with doubt.

Show Highlights

Recently I put out in our youth group an “Ask Anything” box. In doing so, I got a number of questions and several of them seemed to deal with “How can I know there is a God?” or “How can I know that I’m a Christian?” or “Why did God do this or that?” So, I started a series called Dealing with Doubt and I want to share some of those principles because all of us deal with doubt and we don’t always understand everything in Scripture. As a parent, we want to model devotion to Jesus and that God can be trusted, yet there are times when we, as adults, struggle with our own doubts. So I would like to give you a couple of bullet-point ideas for understanding doubt and then go a little deeper into the question of “How do I know that God exists?”

Three things to remember when thinking about and dealing with doubt:

It’s normal to have doubts about God.

If you have your brain engaged, you need to realize that if you don’t go through some kind of wrestling over the validity of these decisions, then you’re not really owning your faith. You have someone else’s faith that you’re just taking at face value, but you need your own faith because you’re going to have to rest in that faith. Again, it’s normal to have doubts about God.

It’s biblical to be honest about your doubts.

This is such an important concept to understand, live, and model for our kids. Not that we should go to our kids with every doubt we have, but we should be honest at times and say: “I don’t know the answer to that yet.” It’s biblical to be honest with your doubts. David was honest, the prophets were honest, even the disciples doubted – especially Doubting Thomas. We’ve never seen Jesus, yet we believe. Sometimes our belief is strong and sometimes our belief is shaken and it’s biblical to be honest. I think the worst thing is to pretend like you have it all together, pretend like you have all the answers, and to lie because you feel and believe that you are alone in your doubts.

It’s foolish to walk away when you don’t understand everything.

We have this dichotomy that we only have two possible solutions:

I either fully understand it, so I am fully engaged. Or, I don’t, so I walk away.
I don’t understand. I do have doubts, but I am going to fake it.

You’re surrounded everyday by things that you don’t understand, that you still use, you still trust, you still walk in. It’s foolish to walk away when you don’t understand everything. So, what do you do? You learn to hold on to what you do know to help walk you through the times when you don’t.

Let me give you one line of reasoning for why I believe God must be real:

You are a masterpiece of very particular design. It’s not just that you are brilliantly designed; it’s that your every cell is brilliantly designed for a specific purpose in a miraculous way. You tell me how that could possibly happen without a God? Tell me how that could happen by chance? For me, that takes far more faith to believe than the existence of God.

You will go through many seasons of doubting God in your life. Remember:

Don’t chastise yourself for your doubt. Don’t run away from it. Don’t live in denial of it.
God is not afraid of your doubts.
When you don’t know something, hold on to what you do know and be patient.

I hope these words of encouragement help you as you walk through whatever season of doubt you or your kids are in right now. Don’t be afraid of questions. God is bigger than your questions and your doubt, and He will be here on the other side of it. Don’t give up hope. Don’t doubt in the darkness what God has shown you in the light.

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If you have your brain engaged, you need to realize that if you don’t go through some kind of wrestling over the validity of these decisions, then you’re not really owning your faith.
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It’s foolish to walk away when you don’t understand everything. So, what do you do? You learn to hold on to what you do know to help walk you through the times when you don’t.
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Don’t doubt in the darkness what God has shown you in the light.
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Resources Mentioned

Psalm 10

Psalm 13

Psalm 88

Hard to Get by Rich Mullins

There’s Only One by Caedmon’s Call

A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking

An Elegant Universe by Brian Greene

A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson

Jay’s Email

145 An Innovative Method for Discipling Children with James Harvey

Sun, 27 Oct 2019 16:00:20 +0000

Today I want to share a method to unleash your children’s creativity to help them draw deeper into their discipleship and understanding of the gospel. With me this week is James Harvey, one of the authors of the book Draw Disciples. The concept of the book is teaching people stories of the Bible through stick figure drawings. As you start looking at the details of this book, you start to see pictures of the stories come to life. Today’s podcast is a conversation with James that goes into discipleship and world missions, in addition to being helpful and practical. The method we discuss is something you can do with your kids that will help them stay engaged and understand the Bible a little better.

Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

Show Highlights

James Harvey grew up as a missionary kid in several countries around the world. He is a pastor and the founder of a non-profit ministry called Blazing Trees. James is passionate about serving leaders and their teams and his greatest joy is encouraging and journeying with leaders through changing life seasons and spiritual warfare.

A difficulty in world missions is trying to get resources that people, who can’t read or write, can understand. Drawings have been found to be one of the best and easiest methods that allow people to understand gospel stories. Drawing meets the need for discipleship. The resource for discipleship in churches, wherever they are, is going to be the Holy Spirit helping us to understand the Word of God. These drawings meet that need of raising indigenous disciples. The key to sustaining that is discipleship and the Word of God. That’s what has been so amazing about the drawings-they not only help us equip people, but you can also have someone read a bible story then give them paper and pen and ask these people to do their own indigenous drawings based on the story.

We need to realize as parents that we are the chief disciple-makers in our house. We need to make disciples that make disciples. The majority of people who come to Christ do so as children. It is natural for little kids to like to doodle and be creative with this stuff. This is a great tool, where you can read the story and have them draw out what they heard and explain it. What an incredible disciple model this is! If you’ll free up your children to do this, how much more discipleship you’ll get.

Recommendations for parents on how to start this:

Step 1. Make sure that your family is praying together. Remember that this is an ongoing companionship with the Holy Spirit. Prayer is the key to all these things. It’s not the drawings and the Bible storytelling.

Step 2. It’s a discovery with your family about what you want to study in scripture. Ask your kids what they are interested in. Then open the Bible and make sure everyone has a piece of paper. It’s a matter of reading the stories aloud and telling everyone to draw the stories.

Step 3. Have your kids tell you the story in their own words, using their own drawings. You take your children from being receivers of God’s word to being teachers of it. Through this you can gauge their understanding.

Jesus was a master storyteller and most of us learn through stories. Ninety percent of the Bible can easily be drawn. Think of the richness you would learn as a family if you committed to spending a year reading the stories and using the creativity God has given us to explore them.

This is helpful for children, but it goes much deeper than discipling a child. Here are other things to know about the book:

There’s no reason to go through these resources if we don’t have a personal relationship with Christ. Discipleship flows from worship. If anyone is going through our Draw Disciples book, my goal for them is not to become a storyteller. My goal with them is to dive deeply into who is the Father, who is the Son, who is the Spirit, and who am I in Him. We have twenty lessons in the book and the first half are all about who God is and who am I in Him. Then, it flows into basic disciple-making.

I challenge parents to take these steps and apply it in your life and in your children’s lives and see what the Holy Spirit does in your family’s life.

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If you’ll free up your children to do this, how much more discipleship you’ll get.
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My goal with them is to dive deeply into who is the Father, who is the Son, who is the Spirit, and who am I in Him.
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Resources Mentioned

Draw Disciples by James Harvey and Brian Hayden

Bible Story Sets

Draw Disciples Book Page

Blazing Trees Facebook

Blazing Trees Instagram

Blazing Trees Twitter

144 Rules for Recovery From an Injured Spirit

Sun, 20 Oct 2019 19:49:52 +0000

This is a special podcast, today, as I am sharing something for the very first time.

First, though, I want to talk about the Let’s Parent on Purpose Power Pack. I have created a slew of resources to help my family and others. I have four different resources: the Fun Family Conversations eBook, an Interactive Marriage Snapshot, a Marriage on Mission Tool, and a 52-week Scripture Memory Tool. All of this is free on my website when you sign up using your email address. You will also get the Things for Thursday newsletter, which I send out each week. The topic of today’s podcast will be on this week’s Things for Thursday, so be sure and sign up so that you can get that. Most of this is possible because of my Patreon supporters. I want to give a special thank you to Sally Harris and Mary McAdams, two recent additions to the Patreon team. If you feel led and would like to support Let’s Parent on Purpose, you can do so by becoming a patron.

If you find this podcast helpful, you can subscribe and click here to find past topics and free resources. Feel free to share with others, as well!

Show Highlights

I have been working on a book for the last few months. I still need a title, but the rest is complete. If you think about it, pray for me as I seek to land on one.

The core concept of the book is understanding that the role of parenting is a marathon and not a sprint. We live in a culture that tries to sprint through everything. And we live in a culture that worships the sprint. A lot of times it seems like we try to sprint through aspects of parenting as if the joy is on the other side of the parenting. Parenting is not just an 18-year race. You’re not going to finish parenting when your kids turn 18. Hopefully, your parenting changes when they become adults. I have begun to look at my parenting as a multi-generational endeavor, where my goal is to equip and point multiple generations from my family to Jesus to have maximum impact on the kingdom.

The sections of the book are “The Mindset of the Marathon”, “Disciplines for Distance”, “Rules for Recovery”, and “Causes for Celebration.” Today I want to share chapter 9, from the section, “Rules for Recovery.” This chapter deals with injury. I want you to think about whether you’ve ever exercised or done something physical, and how injury has affected you. I want you to realize that the same thing has happened to you in your family situation. With that in mind, let’s think about injury and the rules of recovery.

The Rule: We need to be intentional in repairing what gets broken.

How to do this:

Acknowledge the injury. If you refuse to acknowledge that you’re hurt, you will continue to live angry. You’ll blame circumstances or other people. You will fail to seek the healing that the Holy Spirit can provide.
Lower your expectations. When you are injured, you must back off of your normal pace. Injuries don’t just affect the one part that hurts; the rest of your body, including your mind, spends resources compensating. Whatever your injury, remember that you are built for eternity. It won’t always be like this and Jesus will reward your faithfulness through the trial.
Warm up and cool down. Learn a lesson from your grown-up body: your grown-up soul needs to warm up and cool down as well. Before you engage in difficult conversations or tasks, spend time preparing your mind and spirit. No matter how the interaction goes, learn to debrief with the Lord on the other side.
Give it time. Relationships, emotions, and feelings need time to heal. Time alone does not heal all wounds, but with time, God brings circumstances, perspectives, events, and fresh insights into His word that can repair situations that you thought permanently broken.
Be intentional about your recovery. Take time. Address the issues. Get counselling or therapy. Dive into God’s word, prayer, and uplifting relationships. Get advice from wise people and listen.
Expect to heal. If you belong to Christ, you will heal. God will work every broken and twisted thing in this world for His glory and your good. You’re not stuck. The Great Physician of your soul is on the case.

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A lot of times it seems like we try to sprint through aspects of parenting as if the joy is on the other side of the parenting.
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I have begun to look at my parenting as a multi-generational endeavor, where my goal is to equip and point multiple generations from my family to Jesus to have maximum impact on the kingdom.
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We need to be intentional in repairing what gets broken.
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Resources Mentioned

Self-Care After a Crisis

143 Teach Your Children To Love Special Needs Kids

Sun, 13 Oct 2019 16:00:31 +0000

Today we’re going to have a unique conversation with Tim Price, who is the father of a Down Syndrome child. We’re going to better learn how to train our children to love others with special needs. I really think you will be encouraged as you listen to this interview.

Tim’s wife, Amy, has written a beautiful essay on the experience of raising a child with special needs. I will be including that essay in my newsletter!

Show Highlights

Tim Price is a member of my church and came to Christ as an adult. He is a mental health counselor, specializing in substance abuse and co-occurring mental health issues. He has been married to Amy for thirteen years and has two little girls. Their youngest daughter, Kherington (“Kiki”), was born with Down Syndrome. Tim and Amy help other families with special needs children and act as a bridge of understanding for those of us not walking through this particular challenge.

What is Down Syndrome?

It is a chromosomal disorder where you have a third 21^st chromosome, which causes physical differences as well as psychological, emotional, and learning delays.

Some characteristics that others may not know:

Down Syndrome children do learn; It just takes longer.
There is a delay in processing and answering. So, wait patiently.
There are physical issues. Heart issues and arthritis are common.
Life span is shorter.
An adult with Down Syndrome typically has an IQ of 50.

What effect did a special needs child have on your marriage?

We were blown away and realized things were going to be different.
It definitely puts a strain on a marriage.
The statistics are staggering – most men leave.
Amy was accepting very quickly. It took me months of being angry and questioning God.
We haven’t gone through it alone. That has made a huge difference.

For families that have all kinds of special needs, hear this:

It is natural to grieve and be mad at God.
There are more similarities than differences between children with special needs and those without them. It is just that the differences really stand out.
You are not alone.

Most children are not special needs children, so helping families understand how to show the heart of Jesus and how to train kids to interact well with those who have special needs is important.

What are some of the interactions you have had that have been hurtful?

Seeing your child left out.
I don’t think peers or kids intentionally leave special needs kids out.
Older kids are a little more understanding and a little more patient.
Kids can be cruel without even intending to be so.
All kids are sinners, but they’re typically not malicious.
Children are naturally curious.

How can parents coach their children when they see someone who clearly looks different?

Model behavior like you would model any other behaviors.
Don’t scold them for asking questions in public, even inappropriate questions.
If you are kind and loving in your responses and in your interactions with your children, the person who it is directed to will respond because they want to interact with people too.

What do you suggest parents do with the questions?

Answer them on the spot.
Answer them in a kind way and be aware of your body language as well.
Bring the curiosity out and don’t shame them for it. You don’t want to communicate that a special needs person is a shameful person.
Don’t stare. Go up and say hi to people with special needs. They would rather have a conversation than have people staring at them.

Any other thoughts that you think are helpful to communicate?

You can talk to your kids at home about kids with special needs. Prepare them at home.
Your children will become much better people and followers of Jesus with sustained friendships and interactions with those who are different.
Create opportunities. Volunteer with organizations.

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There really is a lot of life on the other side of finding out that diagnosis.
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They’ve got hopes. They’ve got dreams. They’ve got feelings. They want to be included. They want to play. They’re kids.
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The special needs child knows they have special needs.
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Resources Mentioned

Emily Perl Kingsley’s “Welcome To Holland” Article

142 Anthony ONeal: Debt Free Degree

Sun, 06 Oct 2019 16:00:19 +0000

Do you have a plan for getting your children through college debt free? Today’s conversation is incredibly helpful to that end. Anthony ONeal, author of the new book Debt Free Degree and speaker with Dave Ramsey’s team talks with me today about how we can get our children through college without going into debt, so that they can thrive into adulthood. Since 2003, Anthony ONeal has helped hundreds of thousands of students make smart decisions with their money, their relationships, and their education. He is a national best-selling author who travels the country, spreading his encouraging message to help teens and young adults start their lives out right. He has a new book, Debt Free Degree, that I received an advanced copy of. I devoured it and had got to have a great conversation with him. You can follow Anthony on Youtube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and on his website, which has some incredible resources.

Additionally, I just want to thank you for listening and remind you that I have a slew of resources that I want to send to you as part of my newsletter. When you go to my website and sign up, you are going to get a new e-book that I wrote called Fun Family Conversations, a marriage snapshot inventory that you can take with your spouse, a Marriage on Mission tool that helps you vision cast and create a family mission statement, as well as a scripture memory tool. I want to give these to you to help strengthen and enhance your family.

Show Highlights

I loved my interview with Anthony. I’m passionate about this message. I’m walking this journey right now and I feel like I need all the help that I can get at helping my family get through college debt-free. I encourage you to listen and pass this information on. Anthony’s book basically starts with a game plan that begins when your child hits 7^th grade. But anywhere you pick up along the way will be helpful. Those of you who are elementary parents, you get to be way ahead on this.

J: I have enjoyed talking to you before and I’m excited to bring you here to my friends today. I wanted to start with a question: How did you end up as a 19 year old homeless man?

A: I grew up in a Christian-faith home. I had four parents (two biological parents, two step-parents). My mom, my stepfather, and my siblings live in San Diego, California. My father and stepmother live in Fayetteville, NC. They raised me in the Christian faith – knowing God, knowing about church, the Bible, and school. But they never taught me about finances and life skills. When I graduated high school, I didn’t really know much. I knew how to read the Word and quote the Word, but I didn’t know how to spend my money and budget my money. You know, what is a credit card? What is a debit card? What is a credit score? Why do I not need a credit score? When I was in college, I put myself into $35,000 worth of debt ($15,000 in credit card debt, $10,000 in student loans and another $10,000 in furniture loans). I made some bad mistakes and decisions in college and because of that I got kicked out. When I got kicked out of college, my family and I disagreed on some things and my father said that since I thought I was a grown man and had made this decision, I was going to live with these consequences. So, he didn’t allow me to come home and it really hit me hard because I became homeless. I had to live in the back of my car at the age of 19 because my friends wouldn’t allow me to come over to their place.

J: So, three questions I have for you from your story. You had math classes in school? Is that right?

A: I did have math classes.

J: You probably had algebra, geometry. What else did you have beyond that in high school?

A: Just the basic classes that were required.

J: So isn’t this crazy because this is exactly what I see over and over again. You can be the valedictorian of your high school, you can go through Calculus 3 in high school and still walk out of high school with no concept of financial literacy. You don’t know what compound interest is or how debt really works. Was that your case?

A: Absolutely. I think our school systems are doing a great job with teaching us how to read, write, and process information, and even add, multiply and divide. But here’s the thing: you’re right. They’re not teaching us life skills. They’re teaching us all this adding, and geometry, and algebra stuff, but they’re not teaching me how to budget. They’re not teaching me how to add money on a piece of paper and how to pay my bills and what is not necessary and what is necessary. I’m not knocking our education system. I’m just saying that we’re missing some things that are important. And it’s not just our high schools. Our college system isn’t teaching it, which is even more depressing because college is preparing you for your career. But you’re not preparing me for what my career is going to bring me, which is money – money to pay my bills. I love our education system, but I do believe we need to fix it and add some things to it. And that’s one of the things we’re doing at Ramsey Solutions.

J: Yeah and it doesn’t matter how much college prepares you to make money. Let’s take you back to your freshman year. Did you go into college with a lot of debt?

A: I went into college 100 percent debt-free. I went in there with scholarships and my father’s GI bills. So, I didn’t need any money for college at all.

J: You said by the end of two or three semesters you were $35, 000 in debt?

A: Within a year.

J: What was step one of falling into that debt trap?

A: I was on a college campus and I wasn’t educated enough to know to avoid certain people. As I was walking to class, a guy who was representing his bank offered me free pizzas and drinks for a credit card, which was my first credit card of $500 dollars. I filled it out because I just really wanted the free stuff. And what’s so funny is that they are doing the same thing now. They’re going to offer you 10, 20, 50 percent off at a clothing store if you sign up for the credit card. But they know that it’s not really free. You’re going to eventually pay them back for what they’ve given to you. Nothing’s free in this world. Nothing’s really discounted. Because at the end of the day, the person who’s doing that – the bank, store, – they’re going to get their money. Studies show that 99 percent of the people who use credit cards, do not pay the balance off within thirty days before the interest rate hits. And that’s how they get you. When I hear people say “I’m getting a credit card because of the reward points, or because of this or that,” I just think its bogus and something we need to stay away from.

J: You’re pretty passionate about credit card companies and how they’re hooking young people. In some ways they’re getting more sophisticated, but as you were talking about, you don’t have to be sophisticated sometimes. Here’s two free pizzas. I know that at Universal Studios as you go into the park , they’re offering you a free day in the park if you sign up for this credit card. What are some of the other tactics that you’ve seen that they try especially on young people?

A: Right now, it’s just that they are offering free stuff. And another thing is they’re offering discounted stuff. They’re getting very creative. One thing that I’m seeing with college students and that generation is not just credit cards but online stores also. They’re getting very creative on how they are trapping college students into debt. Which is why it frustrates me, because not only are they graduating with the average of $35, 000 in student loans, but then they’re graduating with another $4-$6 thousand in credit card bills – all while they’re in college. That’s just something that I’m passionate about and we’ve got to make sure that were teaching these young people how to get into college debt-free and how to survive and graduate debt-free. I want them going to college debt free, getting their degrees, and walking across the stage the same way they came in – 100 percent debt-free. And I show them how to do that in the book.

J: Now I am excited to talk about your book. I’ve got one more question before we get into it because I think it’s really important for moms and dads to hear. When you were telling your story, you said that your dad basically told you that “you decided you’re a man, you got yourself into this. I’m not bailing you out.” How did you feel about your dad at that moment?

A: I felt like my dad left me hanging to be honest with you. I felt like my dad didn’t really love me because how do you feel loved when someone says you’re not welcome home? I didn’t understand that my dad was giving me tough love, he was giving me true love, he was giving me “man love.” Sometimes tough love from a father doesn’t come off appealing. He knew that if he allowed his son to come home that his son would not become a man. He would stay the same boy. So, he said I had to teach my son how to grow up and that’s exactly what he did. That was probably the lowest point of my life. It was a hard season. I felt like my dad didn’t love me. I had some ill thoughts and ill feelings towards my father and my mother. I even questioned my own life – why am I here? I questioned my Christianity. Is there really a God? Because why would He allow this to happen. But it was God that really checked my whole spirit about my decisions. That was the season of my life that I realized that where I’m at in my present is because of the poor decisions I made in my past.

So, I made a vow that day that I’m going to change the caliber of my future by changing the choices and decisions I make today. And my ultimate mission is to teach all people that the caliber of all our futures will be determined by the choices we make right now. For those listening to this podcast, what choices can you make better that will impact your future and maybe your family’s future? That’s what I am very passionate about.

J: Galatians 6 says that “whatever a man sows, he will reap.” One of the things I see over and over again in families is that parents get under their kids and catch them when they fall, when they really should not because some hurt is good for kids because it will teach them not to do it. And that way they don’t get into situations later that are so dangerous, so out of control that there’s going to be a major crash. So, props to your dad for a very hard decision on his part.

J: I had the joy of getting an advance copy of your book Debt Free Degree. It comes at the perfect time. As a matter of fact, we were at my daughter’s school talking about application deadlines, scholarships that are available, and my wife and I were nudging each other because we have both read the book. So, tell me about Debt Free Degree?

A: Debt Free Degree is the step-by-step process of how to get your kid into college and through college 100 percent debt-free. Student loans have become normal and normal is not setting our kids up for success. It’s setting them up for failure. The average student graduates with $35,000 in student debt. They’re walking into college thinking if I go to college I’m going to make enough money to pay this thing back. But studies are showing us that 12 years after they graduate, the average person still owes about 65 percent of the student loan. This book is about helping all people make better decisions up front, so they can really graduate with a solid foundation and walk into their dream fields, start purchasing homes, start businesses, and not worry about their pasts in their 40s, 50s, and 60s. We have people waiting on the government for student loan forgiveness and the government is failing. Only 1 percent of those individuals have been qualified. We have nearly 100,000 people walking into education thinking their students loans would be forgiven and look at them now. They’re stressed. It is time for us to take action in our own hands and start teaching our young people and start equipping our parents on “here’s how you do it.” Here’s how you do it in the 7^th-12^th grades. You name it. It’s all in the book. This is why I’m so passionate about it because I just want to help people make better decisions to get into college debt-free.

J: Anthony, your book would be worth buying for the first two chapters. You have some charts in there that help explain just how little your dollar goes. You show some real life scenarios of “if you have this amount of debt and you’re in this field making the average pay, it’s shocking how little bit of money you have.” You did a great job with that. What do you say to people who say that college debt is good debt because a college degree will help you earn for the rest of your life?

A: College debt is not good debt. There is no such thing as good debt. Debt is debt. When we look at what’s happening in today’s day and time, how is $1.6 trillion good debt? How is that helping you out that you’ve got to pay back student loans, but you’re not even investing into your retirement? The first two chapters I talk about the wrong way and the right way. When I hear people say that I get fired up, I get frustrated, but I get it. That’s what our culture is teaching our young people. That’s what our culture is teaching our parents. But that’s why I’m here. That’s why I’m traveling the world – to teach them the total opposite: it’s not good.

J: You mentioned that no debt is good debt. The thing about a mortgage is at least you can sell the house and get out of it. You can’t sell your degree. You can’t sell a degree to get out of a loan. You’re saying that anyone can go to school debt-free. How do you do it?

A: There’s three practical ways you can do it. But before I get to those ways, I want to talk about the two most important things when it comes to our mindset.

We have to take debt off the table. We have to say that debt is not even an option. Parents going into their 401(k) – that’s not an option. We are going to take debt off the table.
Talk about your vision. Where do we want to go? What is the plan? When there is no vision, that’s where people perish.

Here’s three practical things I always suggest to parents:

You’re going to save.

We’re going to do the research. What are the best options for my child when it comes to their degrees? You can work and cash flow that degree. We’re going to look for ways to save.

You’re going to find money.

I’m challenging parents to make sure their kids get off social media for at least an hour a day and look up grants and scholarships. Be focused and live with intentionality.

You’re going to work.

J: When would you encourage parents to start planning for college?

A: As early as possible. I’m teaching that 7^th grade is when you really need to start having this conversation. I teach this in Debt-Free Degree – “here’s what you need to say, here’s what you need to be doing at every stage of their lives. What are the classes? What are the curriculum you need to be looking into? What are the leadership programs you need to be looking into? When do you need to start prepping for the ACT and the SAT?” It’s a step-by-step process.

J: What would you say to parents who have actually saved for their child’s college, but their student hasn’t yet show the aptitude or the motivation to take their education seriously? I can see how that would be a scary thing for a parent.

A: I can definitely see how that could be a scary thing for a parent. If you’ve saved all this money and you’re not really seeing the young people interested in going to college, I’m having this conversation: “I’m not spending a dime. I’m not wasting my hard-earned money and forcing my child to go to college because that’s what I want them to do.” I’m going to have a conversation with them and ask “What do you want to do with your life? What’s the route?” If they say they want to go into the military, okay. If they say “I want to be a doctor.” Well, you’re not acting like it. We need to switch this thing around. Because sometimes I think we try to sugarcoat things with our kids to encourage them more, but sometimes they need the truth. We’re not going to hand you this. You need to earn this. You need to show us that you are really wanting this. They need to understand that their future is in their hands, not their parents’ hands. The Bible says it is the parents’ job to “train up a child in the way that they should go.” Not give them the way that they should go. Young people need to say “I’m going to take control of my life. I’m going to do as much as I possibly can. It’s the parents’ responsibility not to be in front of them but to be behind them pushing them on, encouraging them. You’re not just giving them everything that they need because they’ll never take ownership that way.

J: Anthony ONeal, you are a wise man. This is a big week for you. Debt Free Degree is now out on Amazon, bookstores, your website. Where else would you suggest that they get the book from?

A: Definitely my website because you don’t just get my book when you buy from my website. You also get the Scholarship Tool, a FAFSA PDF that walks you through how to get grants and scholarships, a college calculator that shows you where you are in the college process, what’s the best affordable school for you. But you’re more than welcome to go to Amazon.

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That was the season of my life when I realized...where I’m at in my present is because of the poor decisions I made in my past.
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Student loans have become normal and normal is not setting our kids up for success. It's setting them up for failure.
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College debt is not good debt. There is no such thing as good debt. Debt is debt.
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Resources Mentioned

Debt Free Degree by Anthony ONeal

College Prep Checklist

College Visit Checklist

141 Raising Teens in a Hyper Sexualized World with Eliza Huie

Sun, 29 Sep 2019 16:00:51 +0000

Do you ever feel awkward or overwhelmed with the thought of talking to your teenagers about sex? Author and Christian counselor, Eliza Huie, joins me today as we talk through this immensely practical book that she wrote called Raising Teenagers in a Hyper-Sexualized World.

I found this book so helpful and insightful that I asked the author, Eliza Huie, to come and discuss what she brings to light in the book. Eliza is the Director of Life Counselling Ministry and the Dean of Biblical Counselling at Metro-Baltimore Seminary. Eliza is also a wife, mother of three, and new mother-in-law to one!

Depending on what you’re dealing with right now, this podcast might be a life-saver for you. And if you’re not there yet, you will be. So, I just encourage you to take this podcast and share it with those who are there right now.

Today’s episode is brought to you by my Patreon supporters, who I would like to thank and who make all this possible. Through your help, I was able to interview Eliza from a distance, upgrade equipment, and utilize an audio editor.

Some recent Patreon supporters I’d like to thank are: Steve and Keisha Peterson, Brad and Robin Rogers, Sally Harris, and Nick VanGoor. Thank you so much!

If you would like to help support the show, you can become a patreon, subscribe to the podcast, and sign up for my weekly newsletter.

Show Highlights

J: Thank you for joining me, Eliza. I do want to state that I sought you out. One of my good friends handed me this book and I think I read it in a day. Can you tell me why did you write this book, Raising Teenagers in a Hyper-Sexualized World?

E: I didn’t set out to write a book. This was a thesis project for the Master’s degree that I was in and one of our assignments was to write something that was really practical. I wrote it and my professor told me I should teach it or put it out there for other people. So, I put it out as a free book online and a publisher contacted me and asked if I’d mind taking it down, and they would publish it and try and get it out to more people. This is a publisher who is really looking for books that are very readable and very practical so that people actually get through it. I think one of the biggest struggles, especially as parents, is to find the time to read an entire parenting book. So that was really the motivation behind it.

J: I would love to walk through some of your guideposts for parents. Did you have a particular parent or parenting situation in mind as you wrote this?

E: Yes. There really wasn’t a whole lot written to parents raising teens. It was a lot of parenting in the earlier years and so I wanted to target that audience specifically. I had just kind of started to finish the teen years myself. We have three children and I think my youngest was 17 or 18 when I wrote this. So, I felt like I really wanted to help that age group and parents raising that age group. I started with just tips for parents. In the book they’re written as “Don’ts.” Don’t do this or don’t do that. However, it’s actually a very positive book. It gives you a lot of “Do’s” in the midst of the “Don’ts.” I wanted to start with helping parents from a biblical standpoint to understand their teens. To understand that the teenage years is the stage of a lot of chaos in teens’ bodies and in their minds. I wanted to help parents understand how they’re made, and to be compassionate in light of that, especially in light of their sins, during that time-frame.

J: Absolutely. Having been a youth pastor for 20 years now, I can tell you that this is so helpful as a parent. If I was talking or counselling someone else, I would say that this is obvious, but when it’s your family and your situation it feels like the stakes are so infinitely high.

So, let’s get into these guideposts.

Don’t overreact.

Can you speak to this and why you started with it?

E: Mostly because that’s our natural tendency, especially in the teen years. In the younger years, it seems like we have a lot more understanding to the fact that they are toddlers or they’re little children. As they get to be about our size, we tend to have a lot more expectation of how they’re going to respond to things. So, when they respond in ways that are still foolish, it’s easy to overreact, especially when it comes to sexual sin or even sexual exploration. If we find our children exploring certain things, having curiosity about certain things, or we catch them in certain things related to sexual sin, the easiest thing to do is overact and feel like this is the worst thing. And I think that’s really what I wanted parents to step away from. This really isn’t the worst thing that could happen, depending on what your child is struggling with or dealing with. It’s really a part of the growing up process-to become sexually curious. That’s really why I wanted to start with that because it’s easy to overreact as parents.

J: It really is. I think one of the things that helps with perspective is just to realize that we grew up in a pretty hyper-sexualized world, as well. It’s not like this all just started in the last ten years. I think it’s more in their faces now. When I was young, you had to actively seek pornography out. Now, it’s chasing them. I think it’s hard as a parent to remember that because we live in terror that their life is going to be over if they go down this path. And the truth is that we’re going to flub this up the whole way through life, and the Lord is going to use it and redeem it. When parents overreact to sexual sin, they can create an environment where sexual sin seems like the worst thing possible, and overreaction inhibits continual communication. What have you seen with that?

E: That is one of the reasons I put this at the beginning. We want to create an environment where we keep talking about sex and sexuality and the questions that they have. But overreacting really stops the conversation. It stops them from coming to us because we freak out and go to the extreme and lay down really hard consequences. There should be consequences. However, we want consequences that don’t stop a behavior, but actually help us to continue to engage our children. Our reaction really dictates that. I do really want to encourage parents that if they have overreacted, kids are pretty forgiving of our overreactions.

J: I think that often times, sexual sin is not in a bubble – there are other sins. It can feel like an anvil put on your chest, as a parent. So, how do you not overreact to this? It seems to hit every area of life, but a lot of times those other sins are reactionary sins from the initial one.

Don’t preach or lecture.

E: I think this is really hard for parents because we feel like we have to get it all in. This is the conversation that we need to have, and we have to hit every point. But one of the things that you want to watch for is their eyes glazing over. Once you see that happening, you’ve lost them. So, keep your conversation small and trust that you’re going to get a second swing at this. And the truth is: you do. You get a second swing at these things. Knowing that keeping it shorter allows them to process, allows you to give them some space, and then you can revisit it in future times.

J: Especially if they’ve done something wrong and they’re willing to come forward on it. That can be a hard balance because what they did might be absolutely revolting to you, but there’s a bigger principle at play here, which is that bond of trust. It’s like what does God do when I come and confess my sin? Does he vomit all over me at that point? No. He forgives. Will there be consequences? Yes.

Don’t disconnect.

J: Why is that so important?

E: It is so important because by the time you have teenagers, you’ve been parenting a long time and it’s really easy at that point to click on “autopilot.” You feel like you’ve said what you can say, you’ve done what you can do, and it’s easy to check out. But the truth is that in the teen years (it won’t seem like it from them), our children actually need us more. Your kids actually want to learn about sex from their parents. They want to talk to their parents about it. So, it’s all the more important to really stay engaged in this season of parenting.

J: Often times most of our talks with our teens happen just as we’re about to head to bed after a long day. I’m exhausted at the end of the day and that’s when my teenage daughter comes alive. She comes home ready to spill her day and I’m a zombie. But how important is it to keep engaged during that time when they’re ready to be engaged?

E: I think what your saying is what I have felt and what others have felt: it’s not convenient most of the time. Teens like to stay up late and that is when they tend to get a little more talkative and more engaged in conversation. Finding the time is not going to fit our agenda as much as it did when our kids were younger, and that’s when we’re going to have to fight. Not just our weariness in parenting, but our weariness in the day. Capitalizing on those moments and being able to hear where they’re at and listen to them. Let them know that you’re glad you were able to talk, and plan a time to talk more.

J: Plan a date to continue the conversation. When you get on that date, you probably won’t talk about that conversation at all, but you’re still connecting with the heart.

Don’t think, “Not My Kid.”

J: You don’t want to have this mentality, do you?

E: No. I think that this is especially true with Christians. Believers have to really fight against this because as we’ve raised them, we read Bible stories, we took them to church and church camps, and we did all that we really could do to raise them up in the Lord. There can almost be a sense of, “this won’t happen to my child.” But the truth is that they live in a world where the average age of exposure to pornography is 8 years old. And it’s in the home. Ninety percent of kids view pornography at home. It’s easy to kind of feel like we’ve done all the right things, and that therefore, it will never be my child. But that’s not only setting yourself up for a lot of pain and failure, but your children, as well.

J: How much of the “not my kid” mentality is really because I’m terrified for my child or because I think it’s a reflection on me? And it’s really an attack on my pride – the fact that my child would be involved in something. How much do you think that plays in?

E: I think you’re really touching on the core of that. Ultimately, our children do reflect a lot of us. And that’s where we have to be anchored in our own identity in Christ and be able to trust that we are in process and our children are in process and the Lord is working on us. There’s a humility factor there. I think we have to embrace, especially as our kids become teens and they make a lot of decisions that are completely their own, that this is where we get to trust that our confidence is in Christ and not in our parenting. It shows how much we are using our children as a means of finding a sense of accomplishment

J: I had really good parents. They loved me and I never doubted that they loved me. That didn’t stop me from doing whatever I wanted sometimes. I know my rebellion was against the Lord, but I didn’t consider it a rebellion against the Lord. I loved the Lord. I didn’t consider it a rebellion against my parents. I just wanted to do what I wanted to do. We, as adults, compartmentalize. As a teen – they’re masters of compartmentalization, and so we have to watch and be careful sometimes that we don’t take their sin as a direct affront against us. Sometimes it’s just the lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh, the pride of life.

Don’t avoid discussing the changes that they are experiencing.

J: Why is it important to not avoid? Are there age ranges that you would recommend exposing different talks?

E: The reason I wrote this little mini chapter is because a lot of the times we don’t know all that’s going on in our kids’ bodies physiologically. When I wrote this book, I had to do a whole lot more study than what is put into the actual book. I found myself having a much deeper compassion towards my teenage boys because of knowing what was going on in their bodies. Part of it is just helping them be aware and letting them know that some of the stuff they’re dealing with is just physical. Not taking it personal becomes very important because you’re going to see mood swings like roller coasters in this age. Some of that has to do with the chemical changes happening in their body and helping them become more aware of that is a grace that you can give them in this season.

J: Dan Scott wrote a book, Caught In Between: Engage Your Preteens Before They Check Out, on helping formulate stuff in your church for preteens and I learned so much about what was happening in the wiring of a brain. If you look at the brain of an early teenager, it looks like the brain of a toddler, where they’re making connections all across the place and that’s a lot. Unfortunately, they’re put in a holding pen with several hundred or thousand other children experiencing the same thing. No wonder middle school is so miserable for so many people. We can’t avoid these conversations, can we?

E: Exactly. And it’s helpful for us to know what’s going on. It’s helpful for us and it’s helpful for them.

Don’t underestimate the role you play in your teen’s life.

J: I think many parents don’t feel they have that big of a role. They think that its friends, media, and all of that. What would you say to the mom and dad that feel like their influential time is largely passed?

E: Yes. They will come across that way. But, the truth is that they do really want to be able to talk about certain things with their parents. I think that one of the things that is so important for parents is to recognize that their role has changed at this point. I would say that the majority of the conflict that happens between parents and teens is from parents actually not recognizing that their role has changed. You went from telling your kids to do everything, and that has to shift. What we want to do is move from authority to influence. If we can influence them, we’re going to have greater impact for them in their lives. Paul Tripp writes in Age of Opportunity a lot about that – dealing with our own hearts is a lot of what’s happening there.

J: I think it’s in the book Parenting Teens with Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay that one of the challenges we have is we give tremendous freedom in decision-making to our children in the elementary years. Then, we hit the teenage years and we remember being teenagers and we realize that the stakes of decision-making have now radically increased. So, what happens is we do this massive course correction and we suddenly restrict what seems like a natural growth of decision-making to the teen and we can come off as unreasonable and hyper-restrictive. Now, you have more of an influencer role than an authoritarian one and that can be hard. You have a massive role; it just keeps changing.

Don’t send teens the wrong messages about sex.

J: What’s the right message about sex?

E: What I see in mainstream Christianity and in Christian circles is a real strong emphasis on sex being negative, on sex being bad, and on sex being evil. That’s just not biblical. When we look at Genesis, we see God as the designer, the creator of sex, and that He gave it as a blessing. It says that He spoke to Adam and Eve, and He blessed them, and He said be fruitful and multiply. The only way you can be fruitful and multiply is by having sex, so in this blessing was sex. I think that a lot of the reason why we make it big, bad, and ugly is because we’re afraid of them making decisions that are going to be lifelong or that affect them for the rest of their lives. But in that fear, we tend to create a mindset that sex is bad. Then when they get married, they somehow have to change gears and see sex as good. As a counselor I’ve seen this be very challenging for people. So, we want to give them a biblical view of sex – that God created it for man and woman in marriage and that it’s good and beautiful.

J: I remember teaching a series on sex and talking about culture’s lies. One of the lies is that sex is primarily physical, and the truth is sex is primarily relational. So, making the point to these kids that if you want to have an amazing sexual life, work on your relational skills right now. And what’s great is that married sex (where there’s intimacy and there’s no fear of rejection) is the goal. It’s not that sex is bad, but that sex is a gift from God; a celebration of this relationship that’s meant to last a lifetime.

You have done such a good job with this. I really appreciate it. Additionally, you’ve written another book that I’m excited to talk about. Would you just mention that one really quick?

E: Sure. These books are actually part of a series. There’s five or six of them in the series. I’ve written two: Raising Teenagers in a Hyper-Sexualized World and Raising Kids in a Screen-Saturated World. That one definitely speaks to what a lot of parents struggle with, which is navigating this digital world that our kids are native to.

J: You sent me that book and I just finished it and its fantastic. If someone wants to get a hold of these books, do you have a best recommendation for how they should do that?

E: Sure. The best way is directly through the publisher. They’re also available on Westminster Bookstore or on Amazon.

J: One final question: how can we pray for you during this season of your life?

E: That God would use me in the opportunities that are ahead and that I would be able to be a conduit and a blessing to parents.

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They’re masters of compartmentalization, and so we have to watch and be careful sometimes that we don’t take their sin as a direct affront against us.
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But the truth is that in the teen years (it won’t seem like it from them), our children actually need us more.
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You have a massive role; it just keeps changing.
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Resources Mentioned

Eliza’s Website

Eliza’s Twitter

Eliza’s Publisher

Age of Opportunity by Paul Tripp

Raising Teens in a Hyper-Sexualized World by Eliza Huie

Raising Teens in a Screen-Saturated World by Eliza Huie

Caught In Between: Engage Your Preteens Before They Check Out by Dan Scott

Parenting Teens with Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay

140 Chick-Fil-A Can Teach Us A Lot About Parenting

Sun, 22 Sep 2019 16:00:15 +0000

Nathan Buchanan is an operator of two Chick-Fil-A franchises in Martin County, Florida. He’s also a husband and the father of five children as well as a pastor’s kid and a follower of Jesus. He manages to get exceptional quality service out of a group of rotating teenagers. Join me as I interview Nathan and discuss how the principles found in the Chic-Fil- A franchise can help you parent your children.

If you would like to suggest a topic, let me know here or on the Facebook page.

Show Highlights

J: What is the ideal culture in your restaurant?

N: First we have to define culture. I would define it as the sum of all the behaviors and attitudes within an organization. An ideal culture is one in which we have individuals with positive growth-minded mindsets, who are well-trained in behaviors that we want them to perform and have a great attitude. In management, we manage the behavior side of it. Behaviors are quantifiable. I can see your smile or your physical or verbal reactions. Attitudes on the other hand are qualifiable. So I can tell if you have a good or bad attitude, but I can’t really manage it.

J: Do you measure smiles in your house?

N: We measure behaviors. In my restaurant, I rent the behaviors of my team for the time they are in my restaurant. However, in a house it is a different set of behaviors. Children have chores and things they are responsible for cleaning and maintaining. They have to behave a certain way towards their siblings or their parents. So we manage the behavior. We say “don’t do that, but do this behavior instead.”

J: Go more deeply into what you mean by “renting behaviors.”

N: There are two types of relationships in the world. There is a conditional relationship, such as an employee-employer relationship. In this relationship the conditions are: you do a certain type and amount of work for me and I give you a certain amount of money. Then there is the unconditional relationship, such as a father-daughter relationship, where that relationship cannot change no matter how good or bad it is. In the conditional relationship of the restaurant, I rent the behavior of the team member while they are on the clock. I tell them what to do, what to say, what to wear, etc, but only in that limited context. There are some unconditional relationships where I have that same responsibility. I have a responsibility to teach my kids how to interact with others, how to dress, and how to behave. I have a responsibility to go through those same management principles in that unconditional relationship as I would in the conditional relationship of my restaurant to help my child come self-disciplined.

J: So, “renting” in regards to parenting is like: “this is the expectation and this is the payout for what you do.” You don’t have to bring any emotions into it.

N: Emotions are a tricky thing. They are really important. They are useful to convey the depth of feeling that is driving the conversation. But when you parent with emotion, your child responds to that emotion, and your child then has justification to their own actions in response to yours. They can self-justify.

J: You spend your life now recruiting and developing high school students to work in a professional environment. Your workforce is constantly changing, but in your restaurant, the service and quality of the food stays excellent. It feels like it depends on the individual that you have there, so what have you figured out in your environment that has helped that?

N: There are a couple of things that we have figured out that may not correlate directly to parenting:

1) If you choose the person that fits your job, it makes life a lot easier. We look for people with specific talent-sets or natural talents. We look for self-discipline, shared values, and intrinsic hunger or drive. All we have to do is inspire them to be better than they already are.

2) If we hire someone who can’t do the job or won’t do the job, we part ways with them quickly. But you can’t do that with your children.

J: You mentioned figuring out when people can’t, wont, and don’t know how. This is a really helpful parenting skill as well. How do you figure this out?

N: We go through the roster and measure their actions and whether they help the team. We ask “Is it because they can’t?”And if they can’t then we ask them “How can we help you get to a better place?” The Wont’s are great but they’re immature, so we set specific expectations and hold them accountable or we get performance out of their replacement. The Don’t Know Hows are a group of people who can’t figure things out intuitively. We focus on them and make sure they know exactly what we expect. In parenting, specificity drives accountability, and accountability will drive performance. As parents, it’s our role to really get specific about our expectations with the kids. The more specific you can get, the easier it’s going to be to hold your kids accountable.

J: As a parent you don’t get to recruit your children and you don’t get to fire them. But there have to be principles that are translated back and forth. What can parents learn from the way Chic-Fil-A runs its operation?

Get on it early. Make sure your child know what you mean when you say no and then it gets easier from there. Also, celebrate the behavior that you want.
Get specific with expectations and rules and hold ramifications for those expectations. Specificity drives accountability and accountability drives performance.
You need to be friendly but not their friend because you’re going to have to hold them accountable.
You have to constantly challenge them to grow. When children have self-discipline, you can give them more trust.
You have to be trustworthy as a parent. Integrity, authenticity, and personal discipline make trust happen.
Discipline in principle and not in anger.
Be aware of who your kids are spending time with. You do have the authority to tell them what to do and how to do it.

J: Describe the culture that you think parents should strive for to have a thriving, fruitful home?

N: I want to provide a safe and secure environment where young people can grow and mature rightly. The culture that you want in your home is a safe and secure environment where people are challenged to grow and mature and are given guidance to grow and mature. I want my kids to become great adults, not necessarily have a fun childhood. You create the culture and that’s just the expectation that happens.

J: How do you think parents miss the mark in character formation?

N: It’s a twofold answer:

I think as parents we are too caught up in our own lives and, sometimes, we just want the kids to leave us alone. We miss teachable moments.
We make the mistake of trying to get outward compliance instead of an inward change of attitude. A lot of times as parents we just want compliance because then we can go on with our day. And our children will comply, but then they’re silently still rebelling in their hearts. We miss that to our peril. We are the first authority figure that God has given to them. If kids don’t learn to obey us, they’re not going to obey their boss, the police, the government, etc.

J: Parents, don’t miss that mark of how much character formation takes place in the home.

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Resources Mentioned

It’s Ok to Be the Boss: The Step-By-Step Guide to Becoming the Manager Your Employees Need by Bruce Tulgan

Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin

The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership by John Maxwell

139 Marriage on Mission with Jenny Price

Sun, 15 Sep 2019 12:00:05 +0000

Today we are talking with my friend, Jenny Price, and an incredible, practical tool for couples to strengthen their marriage called Marriage on Mission. Jenny is a Pastor’s wife, mother of five, and coach who is passionate about building healthy marriages. The Marriage on Mission tool is one that will help you and your spouse dream, plan and sharpen your direction in a healthy way.

SHOW HIGHLIGHTS

No matter what stage your marriage is in, if you can get your marriage on mission, you can push toward health.

Marriage is the one thing that is definitively shaping our nation. It is not government or healthcare; it is growing healthy marriages.
You do not have to simply endure a hard marriage. Putting your marriage on mission will help it grow healthy and thrive.
Everything stems from relationships. The fruit of your relationship with your spouse will have a long-lasting impact after you are gone.

The most important concept to remember concerning your marriage is that the ultimate mission is not to stay married or have a good marriage. If your marriage is the most important thing to you, it has become an idol. If marriage is the highest priority, you are depending on your spouse to satisfy things that only God can satisfy. There is no person to complete you, and if you are looking to your spouse to do that, you are setting them up for something they are incapable of doing. Your marriage should be a blessing and an absolute source of joy, but it is not your core identity and it is not the main source of joy in your life.

Marriage should be combined with:

Ministry
Careers
Eternity

So, where should one start to get their marriage on mission? The following steps are part of the Marriage on Mission tool. I encourage you to print the full resource out as it contains additional details that will help you and your spouse get the most out of the exercise!

Ask yourself where you are right now.
- You can’t work on where you want to go without knowing where you are starting from.
Talk to your spouse about where they are.
- Sometimes, one spouse might feel they are in one place and the other has a totally different take on it. We all carry presumptions!
- It should not scare us if one feels the relationship is in a better place than the other. Evaluating where you both are should not be an exercise in ascribing worth to the other.
Do vision-casting exercises. This exercise takes about an hour and a half and is great for a date night:

- Spend 5 minutes praying and getting into context.
- Spend 20 minutes individually writing your 1 year vision. This resource provides a number of questions you can use for this step.
- Read what each other has written.
  - Pay attention to the similarities and differences you discover.

Set S.M.A.R.T goals. These should stretch us and push us.

- Specific
- Measurable
- Attainable
- Risky
- Timely

Focus on eternity.
- Long for God. He is the goal!
- Think: My marriage matters because of the legacy that God is building in me.
- Is my marriage pointing others to Christ?
Set a mission statement rooted in scripture.
- Find a scripture passage that you want your family to be about and live by it.

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RESOURCES MENTIONED

Marriage on Mission Tool

Jenny’s Website

Jenny’s Facebook

Jenny’s Instagram

Heaven by Randy Alcorn

The Weight of Glory by C. S. Lewis

Jay’s Newsletter

Jay’s Email

Let’s Parent on Purpose Facebook Page

Episode 50: Depression and Anxiety in Parenting and Marriage

Episode 120: How Your Marriage Affects Your Parenting

138 Spiritual Warfare in the Home

Sun, 08 Sep 2019 16:00:00 +0000

Spiritual warfare is all around us. It exists in our everyday lives. However, we often overlook aspects of it because we are looking for the big moments of fighting instead of the small daily instances. So, today I want to look at a certain aspect of spiritual warfare that I believe can derail our families and our relationships with others if left unchecked.

If you like the content of this podcast and find it insightful and helpful, please subscribe. If you would like to support Let’s Parent on Purpose and our ministry, please consider becoming a patron.

For more information pertaining to the topic of this podcast, please check out this article on spiritual warfare on the Focus on the Family website.

Show Highlights

To begin, we need to understand that human beings are spiritual beings. The two aspects are not separate. Yet, we do separate them all the time by believing that we are spiritual beings when we attend church, read the Bible, or pray, but we are regular humans the rest of the time. This is not true. You are a spiritual being no matter what you do.

I want to look at a certain aspect of spiritual warfare today because spiritual beings are engaged in spiritual warfare. The aspect of spiritual warfare that gets overlooked is: The subtlety of spiritual warfare on a daily basis

We often think of spiritual warfare as big battles such as divorces or major addictions or dysfunctions in the home. But what if spiritual warfare started so small that you didn’t even realize it was there?

In my experience, spiritual warfare is:

little conflicts
little discords
little annoyances

It is death by a thousand relational cuts, and since we don’t realize that the relationship has a spiritual side, we don’t realize the stakes. Spiritual warfare often looks like relational funk between me and you.

Know this: You enemy is not your husband, or kids, or the drug dealer in your neighborhood. It is Satan. Your enemy is a spiritual enemy, roaming quietly, looking for opportunities.

One major opportunity that will destroy relationships is pride.

Pride is:

the most anti-God sin that exists.
It is anti-people as well.
It will kill your house.
It will kill your unity.
It will kill your relationship with others and your relationship with God.

There is a weapon we can use to fight this spiritual battle and that weapon is grace.

Grace heals what pride kills.
Grace is what allows us to live in a home full of sinners.

The pathway to grace starts with humility with God and with others. You can resist the devil by submitting and humbling yourself to God.

I want to leave you with three steps to help you fight this battle:

Think about the conflicts in your life and submit them to God.
Evaluate where those conflicts might have been amplified by your pride.
Humble yourself and extend grace with no expectation of return from that other person.

Try it and let me know how it works. Send me an email.

Here is an extra piece of practical advice: When you feel like you are under attack or in a spiritual battle, pray this out loud:

I am a child of God

Bought by the blood of Jesus

And I claim the blood of Jesus over my life

I claim the blood of Jesus over my household

And I pray in the name of Jesus and I command any evil force that might be around

to leave in the name of Jesus and by the power of Jesus’ blood

Remember that there is power in the blood of Jesus when you are under the blood of Jesus.

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Resources Mentioned

Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis

Focus on the Family

Jay’s Email

137 The Power of Addiction, The Freedom of Recovery

Sun, 01 Sep 2019 16:00:29 +0000

Today I am joined by my good friend, Melissa Weimer. Melissa is a wife, mother, and the ministry leader of Celebrate Recovery at Covenant Fellowship Baptist Church. During this episode, Melissa shares her encouraging redemption story, starting with how she began spiraling into addiction at a young age and how that carried into her early years of marriage and parenting. As you listen, I think you will see that Melissa’s story is Jesus’ story.

If you find this podcast helpful, I’d love for you to subscribe and share with your friends! If you would like to help support Let’s Parent on Purpose, you can do so by becoming a patron.

Finally, I’ve been using an internet filtering program called “Covenant Eyes.” It’s a wonderful, Christian-based program, and we have it on all of our computers at home. By following this link, you’ll be able to support this podcast.

Show Highlights

Our backgrounds can propel us into addiction.

Family addiction can be a potential catalyst for adulthood addiction.
Not having repercussions or consequences can escalate the problem.

What can keep us in our addictions and away from God and His grace?

Fear of God and His displeasure in us can make us walk away from Him.
Denial of our problems prolongs our descent into addiction.
Thinking we have everything under control makes us resist help.

What propels us into action about our addiction?

Hitting rock bottom can make us realize our need to be saved.
Realizing the hurt that we have put others through can fuel our desire for change.
Realizing that we have no control over our lives allows us to ask for help.

What is Celebrate Recovery?

A 12-step program with 8 biblical principles that help us dig into who we are and why we seek out certain addictions continually. The program gives us tools to break the cycle and find our identity and worth in Christ.
The program is about finding our identity in Christ and not in our problem.
The program is about connecting with others and finding healing through support and confession.

We are not our addictions!

We all have issues, but we should not be defined by them.
Christ is continually working in us.
Defining ourselves by our addictions shortchanges Christ’s power in us.

What are the effects of recovery?

For the individual:

There will always be trust issues that you will have to endure. See them as a way to celebrate and show others that you have nothing to hide anymore.
Hold tight to your identity in Christ as you pursue sobriety, grace, peace, and happiness.
Become involved in a church and give back to others.

For the family:

Realize that you cannot change the person; you can only love them.
Support them, not the problem.
Do not enable their issues.

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Resources Mentioned

Covenant Eyes

Celebrate Recovery

Find a Group: https://locator.crgroups.info/

Life’s Healing Choices by John Baker

136 Picking Your Battles

Sun, 25 Aug 2019 16:00:37 +0000

Today, we’ll be talking about discerning which battles are worth fighting with our children, teenagers, and our spouses. How do we know which battles to pick and when to let go? Together, we’ll look at some really helpful questions to ask as we seek to navigate these challenges with wisdom.

SHOW HIGHLIGHTS

When do I let my kids make their own decisions, and when do I stay involved? This question applies to so many areas of life: grades, dating, friendships, a clean room, respect, their relationship with God, work ethic – the list goes on. How do we know which battles to pick?

Here are some principles to remember:

Curiosity—what is the reason they are doing what they are doing?
Correlation—people, especially our children, are a bundle of contradictions
Don’t let things slide that will be detrimental to them later in life
- Don’t let your kids do things that make you dislike them.
  - These are things that will cause other people to dislike them.
- Some things don’t matter as much as we think.
  - Get some feedback—outside perspective. Ask other parents, for example.
  - In our house—”We speak highly” of one another. This creates an environment of safety.

Some things matter more than we think.
- Example: Girls, watch how a guy treats his mom. Guys, watch how a girl treats her father. Lying, disrespect, etc. are not small things.
Eighteen is not the finish line for parenting or developing as a human being.
- Think of yourself at 18, and now. How much have you changed? Don’t judge your children’s current character development by your character development today.

How to Pick Battles with Our Children

Messymotherhood.com has four excellent questions to ask:

Will this hurt my child or someone else?
Will this cause property damage?
Will this go against our family’s rules, values or beliefs?
Will this interfere with other plans (does this prevent us from moving on)?

If the answer to these questions is “no” and the behavior is still bothering you, ask yourself this final question: why do I feel like I need to stop this behavior?

How to Pick Battles with Our Teens:

Here are some helpful questions to ask:

How can I get to the heart of my child?
- Get them to see the why behind my heart.
Is this issue ultimately for their good, or a matter of my pride?
- Am I more concerned about the way it reflects on my parenting ability? This is not the type of criteria to be using.
What will be most helpful for their life and character?
- Sometimes, suffering and facing consequences is most helpful.
- Does your teen fight you over going to college? There is wisdom in holding back on incurring debt for an education they have no interest in immediately after high school.
Ask yourself: Am I stepping in the way of God?
- Consider that God may be teaching them through the tough consequences.
  - If they have trouble being on-time to work as a 16-year-old? This is the time to let them fail, let them get fired.

How to Pick Battles in Marriage:

Have as few battles as possible.
- Are you evaluating your perception of their love for you by tasks that aren’t in their wheelhouse? Maybe they’re expressing love for you in a way you aren’t recognizing.
- Be careful about entering into battle.
Is this battle truly over the heart or a mechanical function?

Ultimately, when picking your battles—choose wisely, choose rarely, and make sure they actually matter.

Thank you for your positive ratings and reviews! Your feedback is encouraging and appreciated, and really helps promote the podcast for others!

Thank you to my Patreon supporters – you helped me attend a podcast convention this past week, and it was amazing. I am tremendously grateful for your partnership!

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Resources Mentioned

Youtube: Lets Parent on Purpose

Covenant Eyes

Episode 32: Boulders, Backpacks & Boundaries

Episode 46: Behavior Should Make You Curious with Bradley McAlister

Episode 51: Prioritizing Your Battles

Cone of Responsibility

12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos by Jordan Peterson

www.messymotherhood.com

135 You Are Not In Control

Sun, 18 Aug 2019 16:00:41 +0000

We’re going to change things up today. We’re going to do a little devotion about a big truth. Walk with me through my favorite Psalm, 127, and learn how we can apply it to our lives.

Show Highlights

This was a song they would sing as they were marching up the temple steps in Jerusalem each year. It beings as a powerful reminder that, “Unless the LORD builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain.”

Think about the protective measures for our families we have put in place-health insurance, home insurance, car insurance, savings – all to treat our children well and d protect them from the unknown.
No matter how many safeguards we put in place, we are just not in control.
- This can be terrifying, but, it should also be freeing!

We are responsible but we are not in control.

What does that mean? Wouldn’t it be better if being responsible meant we were in control?
We are responsible to be faithful with what God has put in front of us.
We are not in control of the outcome.
We are responsible for our own:
- Decisions.
- Intentions.
- Reactions.

We are in charge of duties given to us by God, but the outcomes are often a mystery.

Eternally, we know God works them for good, but in the day-to-day, we don’t always see how.
According to Psalm 127, if I’m not in control that means God is. We should rest better at night knowing this!
- Be in awe of God’s power!
- Rely on God to keep your family together.

Children are a heritage from the Lord

Do you look at your children as arrows?
Do you see your children as objects of power and influence for the Lord? Arrows for you to gather, sharpen, and launch into the world on behalf of Christ?
Do you value each child as their own unique arrow for God to mold and shape?

There is freedom in having no control.

Trust in God to preserve your family.
There will always be that “one thing.”
We require daily dependence on the Lord.
We are built for eternity.
God will be there, no matter the outcome.

Be encouraged to memorize Psalm 127. It should be a continual grounding force in your life. Look at your children as precious arrows given by God. Invest in them as you would anything that could radically shape and change the world. They are the Lord’s arrows. Owning this brings freedom.

I would love to pray for you and your “one thing” that you need to trust the Lord in. Please feel free to email me at jay@letsparentonpurpose.com

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Resources mentioned

Parenting By Paul David Tripp

Camp Living Stones, Tennessee

Click here to download my free Fun Family Conversations eBook.

Want to try audible for free? www.audibletrial.com/letsparentonpurpose

134 Starting Off the School Year Well

Sun, 11 Aug 2019 16:00:33 +0000

Today’s big question:

How do you, as a parent, emotionally and spiritually set yourself up for starting the school year off well? I want to propose four truths to consider, and what we might do in response to these truths.

Audible credits have allowed me to enjoy books such as Free to Focus, Atomic Habits, Harry Potter books, and The Body Keeps the Score. I highly recommend Parenting by Paul David Tripp. In it are not tips and tricks on how to be a good parent, but direction on resetting your heart for what God has called you to do.

Want to try audible for free? www.audibletrial.com/letsparentonpurpose

Show Highlights

Truth #1: My children are my Treasure.
1. Is there anything in this life that you have invested more time, effort, energy, and resources in than your children?
2. Family Wealth by James Hughes.
  1. In Family Wealth, Hughes writes about how families can preserve their wealth for multiple generations. The greatest treasures in your family are the individuals in your family, as well as their ideas and their capabilities.
3. We spend so little time strategically thinking through the multiple generations that are going to come out of us. Are you thinking about your grandkids? Your great-grandkids?
4. When I take my kid to school, I am dropping off the greatest treasure God has given me outside of my personal salvation and marriage relationship.
Truth #2: My Children are God’s Arrows
1. Psalm 127:4— my favorite verse.
  1. “Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth.”
  2. Your children are God’s arrows. You have your children in the quiver. You sharpen them. You launch them into the world as God’s ambassadors. They are your ambassadors, too. Kids carry your family name.
Truth #3: My Children are Excited
1. They are seeing new people, opportunities, clothes, shoes.
2. The unknown creates real excitement.
Truth #4: My Children are Scared
1. There is a lot of unknown with the beginning of each year. We do poorly to minimize what they are scared of, to dismiss it.
2. Middle school is as hard to navigate as any time of life, period. Including adulthood.
3. To the capacity that they are right now, this is as hard as they have ever experienced, and it’s going to push them and stretch them. There is pressure to succeed.
  1. In that pressure to succeed, every child seems to want to really stand out, but also fit in completely at the same time.
4. We are in a hyper-achieving culture. There is high pressure to succeed academically, athletically, and morally. Our children are scared of failure.
5. Being different is awesome except being different is awful. There is turmoil inside. We want to be great, and get recognized and be noticed, but only for that exact perfect thing all the time.
6. It’s very important to pay attention to your conversations as you get your child ready for school.
  1. We may or may not know what we are dropping them into. We do not want to add another weight to their soul as they head into school.

Your kids are your treasure. Your kids are God’s arrows. Your kids are excited. Your kids are scared. It’s good for us to remember that as we set ourselves up to enter the year as best we can, and so we can set our children up to thrive.

What can we do in response to these truths?

Think about grounding routines for you and your family.
1. Your family is more important than school, sports, clubs, and work.
2. What works for you that is regular, rhythmic, and consistent for your family to do as a grounding routine?

1. 1. I recommend my free resource, Fun Family Conversations. Use routine to invest in your kids.

1. Develop statements for your kids’ identity, mission, purpose, and affirmation.

Margin—Everything is easier with margin.
1. Leave space in your day.
2. Don’t’ allow your kids to be involved in everything, they’ll be happier.
Power of the Debrief.
1. Ask questions: “How is this different in light of the fact that Jesus died and rose from the dead?”
2. Teach your kids to apply the gospel to all areas of their life.

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Is there anything in this life that you have invested more time, effort, energy, and resources in than your children?
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Middle school is as hard to navigate as any time of life, period. Including adulthood
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In that pressure to succeed, every child seems to want to really stand out, but also fit in completely at the same time.
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Being different is awesome, except that being different is awful.
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Resources Mentioned

Free to Focus by Michael Hyatt

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D.

Harry Potter Series by J.K. Rowling

Parenting By Paul David Tripp

Camp Living Stones, Tennessee

Click here to download my free Fun Family Conversations eBook.

Family Wealth by James Hughes

133 Overwhelming Stress: Unstacking the Stack

Sun, 04 Aug 2019 16:00:09 +0000

We’ve all been there. Life gets to be so overwhelming that we start using words like “stress” and “anxiety” to describe the way it makes us feel. What can be done about it? How do we unpack, rearrange, or maybe eliminate the heavy boxes in our lives? My friend and Christian Counselor, Brian Neal, joins me again today to share wisdom on the matter. A father of six, husband of 28 years, and Marriage and Family counselor, Brian provides a few strategies for tackling these stacks. (Click here to listen to Brian’s previous interview in episode 122, “How Can We Benefit from Counseling.”)

Show Highlights

Who is my returning guest, Brian Neal?
1. Brian is a Christian Marriage and Family counselor in West Palm Beach, Florida.
2. Brian has an office in Palm Beach Gardens, and also provides online counseling to Florida residents via True Course Counseling.
What is one of the most common areas of need for Christian counseling?
1. Emotional stress and feelings of being overwhelmed.
2. Teens, parents, families all have more and more piled on their plates these days.
  1. The Anxiety and Depression Association of America says, “Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the U.S. affecting 40 million adults in the United States age 18 and older.”
  2. This is over 18% of the population.

Is the term “mental illness” always appropriate? Isn’t anxiety something that can be chemical/genetic or circumstantial? How are they differentiated?
1. Anxiety and stress can be viewed on a spectrum. For some, there is a chemical origin, and for others, it may be circumstantial.
2. If panic attacks keep a person from functioning, you may be crossing into the anxiety disorder part of the spectrum (mental illness).
3. Differentiating is often attempted by looking at an individual’s beliefs of themselves, their environment, and their past.
  1. Was there a traumatic event? A broken relationship? Etc.

The stressors in our lives can be likened to 20lb boxes. Each box contains a different area of stress.
1. If a person is figuratively carrying multiple 20lb boxes, and then given an additional one while being expected to carry out their day-to-day tasks, they’d feel overwhelmed. The pressure would mount, and stress and anxiety would begin to take over.
The first strategy for managing stress and anxiety is to identify what your boxes are and what is making them so heavy.
1. Most often the boxes have labels like work, children, family issues, illness, finances, etc.
2. Sometimes, the heaviest box cannot be changed (terminal illness, for example). However, the smaller boxes can be rearranged or eliminated by dealing with them intentionally.
The next step is to begin looking at each box one-by-one. Can the box be dropped from 20lb to 10 or 5lb? If the load is a little lighter, carrying the boxes that can’t be changed will be more manageable.
1. Take a piece of paper and list all of your daily activities.
2. Next to each activity, list how much time you spend on it.
  1. This will give you a picture of how busy you really are.
3. Look at the times you’ve written down. Now identify which of those activities you think negatively about.
  1. Quickly, you’ll see where your heart is and what is hurting it. This is what defines a heavy box.
4. After you’ve identified a box, take steps to address the problem. Do you need to have a conversation with someone? Say “no” or step down from something?
Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
1. Be intentional about living in community with others (like a church small group). These are the people you can, and should, ask for advice.
  1. Remember, while you don’t have to take the advice you’re given, it’s better than not asking at all.
  2. It’s best to seek advice from multiple people, and include non-family members.

A second exercise for identifying and managing stress and anxiety is to create a timeline of positive and negative experiences.
1. Get a piece of paper. Make a line that starts with “childhood” and ends with “present.”
2. Then, list all the positive experiences you can think of on the top of the line, and all of the negative experiences on the bottom of the line.
  1. This exercise is great for helping individuals identify the potential root for current stressors.
  2. Find someone to talk through the timeline with – often times this will result in remembering additional details. Sometimes, these critical details prove to be the key to it all.

Recurrent areas of stress and anxiety: finances, sex, in-laws, and communication.
1. Identifying the issues within these categories won’t solve them, but all it takes to get started is intentional communication.
Seek balance in your life, and actively prioritize “margin”.
1. Is your day maxed out with errands, obligations, extracurriculars for the kids? When you look at your boxes, is Jesus in one of them?
2. With no margin, no room to breathe each day, every day will be a struggle.
3. Jesus should not be one of your boxes. Instead, you need to prioritize time with Him; abide in Him.
4. Jesus, and our time with Him, is to be our source of rest, not a source of stress.

Thank you to my patreon supporters! You are making the show notes and production of the show possible! If you believe in Let’s Parent on Purpose, you can support the show for as little as $1 an episode.

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Resources Mentioned

Click here to download my free Fun Family Conversations eBook.

Free to Focus by Michael Hyatt

132 Helping Husbands with Communication and Empathy

Sun, 28 Jul 2019 16:33:23 +0000

Today, I’m talking to the guys. But ladies, I think you will be blessed by the conversation today, too. I hope you’ll join me as I talk about ways husbands can help their wives when they’re overwhelmed. I’m going to provide tools and solutions that you can implement right away, and I encourage you to share these with others. This is the next podcast in my You Ask It, I Answer It series. To view the last episode, click here.

Show Highlights

When your wife says she’s overwhelmed, listen first without jumping to a solution.
1. Men and women have been designed by God to communicate in distinctly different ways.
2. A study was done where the brains of men and women were scanned while a story with a problem was told.
  1. For the women, the empathy section of their mind remained engaged throughout the story. Women are able to work out problems by verbalizing, sharing, and receiving emotional sympathy. Able to fix it themselves, often.
  2. For the men, the “fix it” section of their mind lit up rapidly. Men are wired to provide solutions and fix things.
3. Men, stay engaged. Don’t jump to problem-solving mode.
When your wife says she’s overwhelmed, ask questions.
1. Ask your wife about the specifics of the situation.
2. Often, women are able to work out their problems by verbalizing, sharing, and receiving emotional sympathy.
When your wife says she’s overwhelmed, acknowledge the emotions of the situation.

1. You can positively impact a conversation, and encourage her, by expressing thoughts like, “I bet that is really frustrating” or “You must have been really hurt by that.”
2. Try to imagine the feelings you would have if you were walking through the situation.
3. Emotions are 100% accurate in telling us how we’re interpreting the situation. They are not 100% accurate in describing reality.
4. Acknowledging her emotions can help to diffuse them.

When your wife says she’s overwhelmed, encourage the good you see her doing.

1. Share observations like, “I know you’re overwhelmed, but I see you doing [fill in the blank] really well.”

When your wife says she’s overwhelmed, and you can’t help but think of a solution:
1. Ask your wife this question: “Would it help you for me to listen and talk this through with you, or would you like help in finding a solution?”
When your wife says she’s overwhelmed, pray with her.
1. Before you do anything, pray together.
2. Pray the peace of God on her life, that she would see where Jesus is working and moving, that God would intervene, for strength, endurance, and Jesus’s glory.
When your wife says she’s overwhelmed, memorize Scripture.
1. Specifically, Matthew 6:25-34.

As always, thank you to my patreon supporters! You are making the show notes and production of the show possible!

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Emotions are 100% accurate in telling us how we’re interpreting the situation. They are not 100% accurate in describing reality.
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Men, stay engaged.
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Has god given me the grace for today? What makes me think when I wake up tomorrow morning that He will not give me grace for tomorrow?
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Resources Mentioned

Fun Family Conversations eBook.

131 What If We Have Different Love Languages?

Sun, 21 Jul 2019 16:00:07 +0000

What if my primary love language is not physical touch and my spouse’s is? Spouses can each experience love differently, but to have a healthy marriage, it’s vital to learn how to love your spouse in the ways they receive love. Listen to this episode to grow in your understanding of the importance of physical touch, learn how to actively love your spouse better even if physical touch isn’t your primary love language, and even learn about the many benefits of physical touch.

Show Highlights

The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman:

Quality Time
Physical Touch
Words of Affirmation
Acts of Service
Gifts

The premise is that we tend to give love in one or two primary ways, and we tend to receive love in one or two primary ways. Conflict arises in marriage often when we give love in a way that isn’t the primary way my spouse is looking to receive it.

When it comes to physical touch, it sounds simple when you don’t have a problem with it. Issues could come from:

abuse,
past physical relationships,
sensory issues, etc.

Get therapy. Pay for it. Get the help you need. You’ve committed to this person until death do you part. Spend generously to invest in making this is a healthy, fruitful marriage that’s a blessing to you and the world.

Important scenarios to consider –

My definition of love is that “I am out for your best” -> agape love / unconditional love
- You’re it. YOU are the outlet for your spouse’s physical affection. Kids, pets, and friends do not replace spousal touch. Commit to being the best spouse you can be. Be open, be honest, ask questions.
What if your aversion is because you’re interpreting every instance of physical touch as an advancement towards sex?
- Sometimes this happens because physical touch is so rare, and sex is so rare, it’s actually the case.
- Be liberal and generous with your touch.
- Don’t resent the fact that your spouse wants to have sex with you. A lot. When you were dating, it might have been really hard to keep your hands off one another, and you were happy when they were physically attracted to you.
Benefits of physical touch from www.getold.com/4-ways-physical-touch-keeps-you-healthy
- It creates a sense of security. When you receive positive physical touch, your skin’s nerve endings send a message to your brain that you are safe and secure.
- It reduces stress. A chemical reaction tells your body to relax. Touch stimulates oxytocin, which calms and facilitates bonding.
- It improves heart health. It reduces blood pressure and lowers pulse, which puts less stress on your heart.
- It may help you avoid catching colds and the flu. Lowering your cortisol increase your ability to fight disease.

Whether it’s a cuddle with your partner or a heartfelt hug with your kids, the simple act of touch can brighten a bad day, help you relax, and even fight off illnesses. If you’re not making time for it, you’re missing out on the one of the easiest and quickest ways to improve your overall well-being.

Do everything you can to meet your spouse’s need for physical touch because you’re out for their best. Do all you can so they look to you as their spouse for the things they are supposed to look to you for.

Homework today: Give affirming, positive physical touch to your spouse. Hug your kids.

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Resources Mentioned

The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman

His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage by Willard F. Harley, Jr.

Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

Love and Sex: Four Ways Physical Touch Keeps You Healthy by Diana Kelly

Hands On Research: The Science of Touch by Berkeley University

130 Messy Houses and Grace Filled Gaps

Sun, 14 Jul 2019 16:00:24 +0000

We each have different bents; what’s important to us many times looks different for each spouse – a clean house, an organized garage, etc. There will be plenty of trials in life that you have no control over so why not just strengthen the areas you DO have control over? Join me today as I discuss some practical tools in loving your spouse through actions and filling in the gaps with grace. We may not always be drawn to serve or lift each other up, but we find that sprinkling undeserved favor into our most important relationships brings life to everyone involved.

Show Highlights

How do I, as a man, know that the house is messy? My wife says she needs help, but I don’t know what to do.
1. Different environments, different bents.
2. Specificity drives accountability; accountability drives performance.
3. Ask for a checklist. Ask for responsibility on specific spheres, and for your spouse to train you on what he/she would like you to do.
4. Vague instructions give ambiguous results.
Can you explain “Fill in the gap with grace”?
1. Give the benefit of the doubt
  - If there are two possible ways to interpret something, and one way least condemning of the other person, do your best to assume the best.
  - Most actions weren’t taken to specifically hurt you.
    - Often our stupid and sinful actions are a result of Focalism. Focalism (sometimes called the focusing illusion) is the tendency for people to give too much weight to one particular piece of information when making judgements and predictions. By focusing too much on one thing (the focal event or hypothesis), people tend to neglect other important considerations and end up making inaccurate judgments as a result.
  - Even if actions were specifically to hurt you, rather than being angry or vindictive, we should be curious.
2. Remember Galatians 6:1-5. Our aim is restoration.
3. Grace is undeserved favor.
  - Sprinkle undeserved favor into your most important relationships
  - As a child of God, you are an agent of reconciliation.
  - It’s about seeking to love, serve, and lift each other up; it’s about striving to give more than what’s deserved.

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Specificity drives accountability; accountability drives performance.
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If there are two possible ways to interpret something, and one way least condemning of the other person, do your best to choose the least condemning interpretation.
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Behavior should make us curious.
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Sprinkle undeserved favor into your most important relationships.
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Resources Mentioned

Click Here to Download a free 52 week Scripture Memory PDF!

129 Making A Blended Family Work

Sun, 07 Jul 2019 16:00:06 +0000

One out of every three families in the United States is some form of blended family. Many have asked for wisdom on how to make their blended families work. Today I bring in the two wisest people I know on the subject: my dad and mom! Dan and Pat Holland are 45 years into their second marriage, and share a lifetime of wisdom from raising a family of 5 children.

Show Highlights

Intro to my parents dating and marriage
What it was like in the 60s and 70s to be a divorced Christian in the church
What we thought the biggest challenges of a blended family would be vs our actual biggest challenges
How we handled two completely sets of rules and family dynamics – challenges for both parents and the kids
Step-mom as primary caregiver and dad working
Step-parent feeling authority to manage the home
Discipline as a step-parent
Dealing with feelings of guilt as a parent
- some parents try to overcompensate with rules or gifts
- how we kept from overcompensating
- showing our children we love them vs trying to buy our child’s love
Giving our kids and step kids a place to call home
The blended family dynamic made mom want to quit
If we could go back in a time machine and give step-parent advice:
- develop a positive relationship with your spouse’s ex
- never use the kids as a weapon against your ex
- take the challenges to God instead of trying to work it all out by myself

Resources

www.focusonthefamily.com/lifechallenges

128 Your Family Can Travel the World

Sun, 30 Jun 2019 16:00:17 +0000

What if you could figure out how to take your family around the world to experience people and culture beyond the basic tourist experience? My new friend Susan Whitehead has spent the last several years traveling the world, even living in foreign countries, with her family of 8. All of this started with a one way ticket to Costa Rica and $3,000 in the bank. Along the way, she’s figured out how to master planes, rentals, and cultures while her family experiences the world that goes much deeper than tourist attractions. You’ll be inspired and learn some tricks of your own from our conversation today.

Click Here to Download my free 52 week Scripture Memory PDF!

Show Highlights

How Susan and her family of 7 (before the bonus baby), struggling financially, started realizing that they could move overseas and live for half the expense of living where they were in Tampa, FL
- The life-changing moment when her landlord showed up at the door with a peach pie and a bow
- Selling 15 years worth of possessions in just 3 months of yard sales
- Taking off to Costa Rica with one-way tickets and $3,000 in the bank
- Living in Costa Rica for 6 months
- Living in Mexico for 1 year
- Her husband working in Afghanistan for 1 year while she had their “bonus baby”
- Traveling Europe for 3 months traveling around in a purchased old taxi van
- Her husband taking a job in The United Arab Emirates, living in the UAE with her family for 6 months
Each of her children getting to pair down their life keepsakes to one box
How pairing down their life possessions to travel the world has freed her family from the grip of material possessions, even after they are back in the United States
The benefit of finding houses to rent long term vs. hotel rooms (example – they rented a 3 bedroom home with utilities and internet for $650 per month in Costa Rica
- Check out www.airbnb.com
- Check out www.vrbo.com
- Are you willing to house sit and care for someone’s pet? Try https://www.trustedhousesitters.com
Tax benefits of long term travel – The Foreign Income Tax Credit
How you can experience world cultures and foods through the deli section of grocery stores for MUCH cheaper than eating out
Learning how to pick up side jobs through the internet to help you sustain living overseas (check out www.upwork.com)
Getting to have a housekeeper and a groundskeeper in their rental, pay them very well by in-country standards!
Being invited to neighbor’s deep family traditions and religious ceremonies
Her children’s vastly different perspective on world culture and understanding other religions
Seeing OUR culture with fresh eyes
The joy of experiencing local church in other cultures
Tips for how YOUR family can try extended travel (3-5 weeks of international travel)
- Get your passports
- Understand that a round trip ticket is NOT more expensive for longer stays (subscribe to www.pomelotravel.com to have amazing international airline deals sent to your inbox)
- When you pick your country, find THEIR local “airbnb” and you’ll get much better deal
- Travel in the offseason to get much better deals
- Consider house sitting – www.trustedhousesitters.com
- Shop in local grocery stores, avoid eating out. When you stay in homes, they have kitchens!
- Let your children pick bucket list items with each of the places you go

When you are at a yard sale and you're dying as your favorite possessions being bargained down from a quarter to ten cents, you realize that you don't own your stuff. Your stuff owns you.
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Stepping out on faith does not mean it's going to look anything like you think it will look or have asked it to look. That doesn't mean that God is any less faithful.
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One of my favorite family memories is eating french baguettes and feeding the birds in front of the Eiffel Tower. - Susan Whitehead
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One of our big goals with family travel was to teach our children to truly love other people. - Susan Whitehead
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Resources Mentioned

http://www.SusanWhitehead.com/travel is a free audio I recorded on how travel can deepen your faith.

http://www.wanderlustfamilies.com is Susan’s personal blog, with lots of great family and travel info.

https://pomelotravel.com is an insanely great email service that sends you cut rate prices on major airlines to routes around the world. Within 1 week of learning about Pomelo from Susan, I saved over $1,500 total off of the plane tickets for our church mission trip group to Spain.

www.upwork.com is a great way to pick up money through side jobs.

127 How to Influence Your Children More Than Social Media

Sun, 23 Jun 2019 16:00:19 +0000

Whether your children have phones and iPads or not, they are massively influenced by social media because of the culture we live in. It can be scary. But you’re still the parent, and you get to have the biggest influence in your child’s life. Youth Pastor and podcast host Aaron Mamuyac, student pastor and host of the We Think God is Awesome Podcast, joins me to discus ways we can make sure that we are still capturing the heart of our children.

Click Here if you’d like to download a copy of my 52 week Scripture Memory Tool.

As always, thank yo so much to my Patreon Supporters! These show notes and the extra microphones for my interview are from your generous support!

Show Highlights

Technology immigrants vs. technology natives
The social engineering behind the addictive nature of games
Technology as a force for good as well as evil
Tweens average 6.5 hours a day exposure to media. Teens average more than 6.5 hours a day.
The brain development of a child, referencing Episode 97 The Radically Changing World of a Preteen with Dan Scott
The role of behavioral scientist in developing social media apps
- You facebook, instagram, and social media feeds are uniquely designed for you, to keep you on the app longer.
- Age aspiration – where a 13 year old desires to be a 17 year old and is targeted with adds from Cosmo, etc. exhausting that lifestyle. At the same time, the 30-40 year olds are targeted with marketing that makes them want to look like 20 year olds again.
- Age compression – an 8 year old has to deal with sexuality and identity
The fragile psyche that develops from the narcissistic, self oriented world of social media likes and follows
The emotional tailspin that happens when “normal” hard things hit someone who lives comparing their lives to the false narrative of everyone else’s life
The 3 aspects of Social media: Curation, Fabrication, Promotion
The core of the problem – sin. It’s breaking relationships. How can you have real relationships when you’re putting up false images of yourself?
3 Fears: People will see me, people will reject me, people with hurt me
The Solution of the gospel – forgiveness, identity, and belonging.
How to have more influence than social media in your children’s life:
- Social media is a megaphone. What’s louder than a megaphone? A whisper of a parent in the ear of their child.
- Determining a strategy for how much time and access your children will have to phones and iPads.
  - Start with a phone and text. No passwords, no social media.
  - Go slow with introducing new apps on a phone. Very slow. Extremely slow. Even slower than that.
  - When your kids are younger, you want to think for them, when they are older, you have to train them to think for themselves.
  - Be curious about their social media, their friends social media. Scroll with them, ask questions, refrain from judgment of their friends, because your children are gauging how safe they are with you by the way you react to their friend’s sin and foolishness.

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The very sounds on candy crush were engineered for addiction. We grossly underestimate how impactful games and social media are.
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Sins introduced in the developmental time of our teenage years become hardwired in our brain, and can be struggles we wrestle with for life.
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Your social media app feeds are engineered specifically to target you, because they make more money the longer you stay on their app. But it creates a narcissistic identity where the world is revolving around you.
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The reality of Social Media: it's NOT reality!
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Social media is a megaphone. What's louder than a megaphone? A whisper of a parent in the ear of their child.
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If you give your child a phone, and don't realize that within 1 year your child will be a better expert on phones than you, you're fooling yourself. It's your brain vs. the crowdsourced minds of every classmate your child has.
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It's hard for me to tell my children to get off the phone, get off the iPad, get off the TV, when I'm on it.
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Resources Mentioned

Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other by Sherry Turkle

When People are Big and God is Small by Ed Welch

Let’s Parent on Purpose Episode 97 The Radically Changing World of a Preteen with Dan Scott

https://www.CPYU.ORG

The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement

The Tech Wise Family

Aaron’s first childhood tech love – http://www.neopets.com

Aaron Mamuyac, Sunlight Church, Port Saint Lucie Website: https://www.sunlightcc.org

God is Awesome Podcast

God is Awesome on Facebook

Try you first book on Audible for free: https://www.audible.com/letsparentonpurpose

126 Falling in Love With The Process

Sun, 16 Jun 2019 16:00:56 +0000

Goals are great, but goals alone don’t change much. Until you have a process or a system, goals are just opportunities for disappointment. Today I am going to share why it’s much more important to define and love your process than it is to live and die by goal setting.

Click Here if you’d like to download a copy of my 52 week Scripture Memory Tool.

This is the third podcast in my series on Habits and Transformation

124 The Surprising Power of Small Changes

125 How to Start or Stop Any Habit

Show Highlights

Biblical Foundation

7 But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. 8 Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— 10 that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11 that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. 12 Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. 13 Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. 15 Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. 16 Only let us hold true to what we have attained.

Philippians 3:7-16

Live by the goal, die by the goal –

The downside of setting goals
We usually set our goals and are inclined to make big things happen to achieve these goals. Doing this isn’t necessarily a bad thing but it is tiring and exhausting. At times, we end up feeling burned out, and worse, frustrated when we don’t see the results we wish.
Often times, we ignore the little improvements, thinking it will not make an impact. What we do not realize is that the little improvements, when put together, can create a great impact. It might not make a noticeable difference at first, but in the long run, you will notice the big difference it makes.

You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.
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Goals are good for setting a direction, but systems are best for making progress.
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A better way

Think of a goal
Ask yourself “what would be the actions and behaviors of a person who has made it to that goal.
Distill it down to the smallest possible successful behavior
Use what you’ve learned about habits to do that behavior
Every time you do that behavior, you’re casting a vote for yourself that you are that kind of person. – You don’t need a unanimous decision, just a majority of votes.

This is where your understanding of getting 1% better as well as your understanding of starting or replacing habits really comes in.

When you fall in love with the process rather than the product, you don’t have to wait to give yourself permission to be happy. You can be satisfied anytime your system is running.
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Example 1 – God has declared you holy. You don’t feel holy. What would a devoted follower of Jesus do?

Example 2 – What would a great dad do?

Example 3 – What would a healthy family do?

Loving the Process:

Do what works
Avoid tiny losses
Measure backwards – celebrate success and course correct

You will be in process until the day you’re with Jesus. God is in the process. Learn to celebrate the goodness of God in the victories and the grace of God in the failures.

When I feel really stuck with a parenting conundrum, I find it helpful to ask 'what would a great dad do?' Then I do my best to do that.
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I want to hear from you!

Reach out to me and let me know what you think!

www.facebook.com/letsparentonpurpose

www.instagram.com/letsparentonpurpose

www.twitter.com/jaydholland

Resources Mentioned

www.facebook.com/letsparentonpurpose

If you like this episode, you might also enjoy Creating a Summer Growth Plan with my friend Brent Gibson

You might also like one of my blogs The Best Habit You Can Learn This Year

125 How to Start or Stop Any Habit

Sun, 09 Jun 2019 16:00:30 +0000

As my friend always says, “your habits are perfectly suited to give you the life you are living.” If you want to change your life, change your habits. In this week’s podcast, I share steps for starting, starting, or replacing any habit. Learn to master this in your own life and you will be primed to unleash the power of habit in your family!

This is the second of a three part series I am doing on transformation through intentional habit change. You’re welcome to jump right in to today’s podcast, but if you find it helpful, you’ll want to check out my last episode –The Surprising Power of Small Changes

Show Highlights

Biblical Foundation

Romans 12:2

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Colossians 3:9-10

Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator.

Habits are powerful

God wired your body to run on habit.

“Habits reduce cognitive load and free up mental capacity, so you can allocate your attention to other tasks.” James Clear

Habits work like compound interest

Habits are like the atoms of our lives. Each one is a fundamental unit that contributes to your overall improvement.
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Part of the process of Discipleship is going form accidental to intentional habits.

We don’t choose our earliest habits, we imitate them.
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“We don’t choose our earliest habits, we imitate them.”
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The 4 Parts of a habit – James Clear

The Cue

The Craving

The Response

The Reward

James Duhigg combines the Cue and Craving to describe a three part Habit Cycle.

“This process within our brains is a three-step loop. First, there is a cue, a trigger that tells your brain to go into automatic mode and which habit to use. Then there is the routine, which can be physical or mental or emotional. Finally, there is a reward, which helps your brain figure out if this particular loop is worth remembering for the future: THE HABIT LOOP”

As time goes on, an interesting thing happens. Your brain starts to associate your response (routine) with the reward. Eventually The Response becomes the Reward!

How to start any habit

Cue – Make it obvious

Craving – Make it Attractive

Response – Make it Easy

Reward – Make it Satisfying

Willpower isn’t just a skill. It’s a muscle, like the muscles in your arms or legs, and it gets tired as it works harder, so there’s less power left over for other things.
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Breaking a habit – you can’t just stop a habit, you have to replace.

2 practices

Cue – Make it Invisible

Craving – Make it Unattractive

Response – Make it Difficult

Reward – Make it Unsatisfying.

The Golden Rule of Habit Change: You can't extinguish a bad habit, you can only change it.
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Duhigg’s method

Identify the cue
Replace the routine
Give an immediate reward.

Habit Stacking – pair a new habit with a current habit, or make one habit the cue for the next habbit in a series of habbits

Example – Morning Routine

Wake up

Make Bed

Brush Teeth

Read my verse of the day taped to my mirror

Stretch and breathe

Think and pray through big parts of your day, inviting Jesus in

Shower/get dressed.

Most Powerful Habits for Parents

Lauren Tamm

1. Boundaries – set boundaries to help your kids thrive.

2. Routines – Set routines. This will help the kids stay grounded and self-control and feel relaxed. Morning, mealtime, bedtime

3. Early bedtimes – getting enough sleep helps the kids’ brain development.

4. Empathy –

“Empathy promotes kindness, prosocial behaviors, and moral courage, and it is an effective antidote to bullying, aggression, prejudice and racism. It’s why Forbes urges companies to adopt empathy and perspective-taking principles, the Harvard Business Review named it as one of the ‘essential ingredients for leadership success and excellent performance.'”—Dr. Michele Borba, psychologist and parenting expert.

5. Hugs

“Hugging triggers the release of oxytocin, also known as the love hormone. This feel-good hormone has many important effects on our bodies. One of them is growth stimulation.

Studies show that hugging can instantly boost the level of oxytocin. When oxytocin is increased, several growth hormones, such as insulin-like growth factor-I (IGF-1) and nerve growth factor (NGF), are increased as well. The nurturing touch of a hug can enhance a child’s growth.”—Pamela Li, creator of Parenting for Brain

6. Playful parents – by being playful, we connect to our kids because playing is a way for the kids to connect with other people.

7. Outdoor Times –

“Movement through active free play, especially outside, improves everything from creativity to academic success to emotional stability. Kids who don’t get to do this can have so many issues, from problems with emotional regulation—for example, they cry at the drop of a hat—to trouble holding a pencil, to touching other kids using too much force.”—Meryl Davids Landau, author of Enlightened Parenting

8. Chores – kids with chores are more responsible, have higher self-esteem, able to deal with frustration and delayed gratification better.

9. More screen-time limits –

“In order for the brain’s neural networks to develop normally during the critical period, a child needs specific stimuli from the outside environment. … When a young child spends too much time in front of a screen and not enough getting required stimuli from the real world, her development becomes stunted.”—Dr. Liraz Margalit, Behind Online Behavior

10. Experiences, not things – spend more time with children instead of giving them material things.

11. Slow moving days – take time to watch the kids, appreciate your children.

12. Read books to the kids – a study shows that if you read to the kids, they tend to be more interactive, learn to speak and read faster, empathize, and helps them understand the world around them better.

13. Music –

“Science has shown that when children learn to play music, their brains begin to hear and process sounds that they couldn’t otherwise hear. This helps them develop ‘neurophysiological distinction’ between certain sounds that can aid in literacy, which can translate into improved academic results for kids.”—Time article

14. Family Worship – Pray with your family, read scripture together, sing together. Make it normal for your family to spend time talking about the things of the Lord together.

15. Serve together – church, soup kitchen, old people in neighborhood, nursing home

Romans 12:2

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

I want to hear from you!

Reach out to me and let me know what you think!

www.instagram.com/letsparentonpurpose

www.twitter.com/jaydholland

Resources Mentioned

Oxytocin: Facts About the ‘Cuddle Hormone’

If you like this episode, check out last week’s podcast Creating a Summer Growth Plan with my friend Brent Gibson

You might also like one of my blogs The Best Habit You Can Learn This Year

This is How Music Changes Your Brain

The Simple Secret to Family Worship

124 The Surprising Power of Small Changes

Sun, 02 Jun 2019 16:00:12 +0000

Tiny changes can work like compound interest over long periods of time. This week we begin a three part series on change, habits, and transformation. Rather than focus on radical change, we’re going to learn the atomic power of getting just one percent better. If you catch the vision and apply them, these concepts can change any aspect of your life. As James Clear says, “You should be far more concerned with your current trajectory than with your current results.”

Is Let’s Parent on Purpose a blessing to you? Consider becoming a Patreon Supporter!

Show Highlights

I’m drawing heavily from two books that have had a great impact on me:

1. Atomic Habits by James Clear

2. The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. I’ve linked both books in the show notes.

As well as God’s word:

Colossians 3:23

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,

Proverbs 22:6

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

Three Reasons We Don’t Change

Lack of Perspective – we don’t recognize there’s a problem or a better way
1. Ask others, get out of your environment, or God sends a lightbulb
2. “Your actions reveal how badly you want something. If you keep saying something is a priority but you never act on it, then you don’t really want it. It’s time to have an honest conversation with yourself. Your actions reveal your true motivations.” James Clear
Lack of Process – we see the need, set a goal, but don’t know how to get there
1. Goal driven vs. Systems Driven. We don’t rise to the level of our goals, we fall to the level of our systems. James Clear
Lack of Power – the task seems too big, or we start to change and it’s too difficult, or we’ve got so much stress, anxiety, and distractions we cannot move forward
1. You have the Holy Spirit
2. You’re starting too radical
3. “Willpower isn’t just a skill. It’s a muscle, like the muscles in your arms or legs, and it gets tired as it works harder, so there’s less power left over for other things.” Charles Duhigg
4. “As people strengthened their willpower muscles in one part of their lives—in the gym, or a money management program—that strength spilled over into what they ate or how hard they worked. Once willpower became stronger, it touched everything.” Charles Duhigg

How tiny adjustments in our habits can account for massive change over time.

“Habits are like the atoms of our lives. Each one is a fundamental unit that contributes to your overall improvement.” James Clear
The example of an ice cube.
“Habits are the compound interest of self-improvement” James Clear
“Small wins are a steady application of a small advantage.” Charles Duhigg

Getting 1% better

Why we get frustrated and burned out from goal setting.
What we miss when we ignore small improvements
If you get 1% better at something each day, by the end of the year you will be 37 times better than when you started.
- Eat 100 calories less a day than you need, lose 10lbs in a year
- Have your children memorize 1 verse a week – Learn 52 verses in a year

Steps towards getting 1% Better

Think of an area where you’d like to see real change.

Determine the smallest possible block of action you can that is in the direction of that change.
Set up your environment to prompt you towards that action
1. Use the concept of habit stacking
2. Pair a new habit with a current routine
Avoid Tiny Loses – Never Miss Twice

For course correction, measure backwards – how are you doing now compared to your recent near term self?

Try this Habit: Hugs

“Hugging triggers the release of oxytocin, also known as the love hormone. This feel-good hormone has many important effects on our bodies. One of them is growth stimulation.” Stephanie Pappas

I want to hear from you.

What’s one area of your life where you can apply the 1% better challenge?

Answer me on facebook, instagram, or twitter

www.facebook.com/letsparentonpurpose

www.instagram.com/letsparentonpurpose

www.twitter.com/jaydholland

I’m going to randomly pick one person who answers and gift them a copy of Atomic Habits by James Clear.

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You should be far more concerned with your current trajectory than with your current results.
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Your actions reveal how badly you want something. If you keep saying something is a priority but you never act on it, then you don’t really want it. It’s time to have an honest conversation with yourself. Your actions reveal your…
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We don’t rise to the level of our goals, we fall to the level of our systems.
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Willpower isn’t just a skill. It’s a muscle, like the muscles in your arms or legs, and it gets tired as it works harder, so there’s less power left over for other things.
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If you get 1% better at something each day, by the end of the year you will be 37 times better than when you started. - James Clear
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Resources Mentioned

Oxytocin: Facts About the ‘Cuddle Hormone’

If you like this episode, check out last week’s podcast Creating a Summer Growth Plan with my friend Brent Gibson

You might also like one of my blogs The Best Habit You Can Learn This Year

LPOP 123 Creating a Plan for Summer Growth

Mon, 27 May 2019 07:16:29 +0000

Sometimes we overcomplicate things. My good friend and brother-in-law Brent Gibson has been using a simple spiritual growth strategy with his children for each of the last three summers. Today, we talk about being intentional dads, and Brent shares how he’s encouraged Bible Study, memorization, and reading with his children each summer.

You might also want to check out my blog from Last Year: Summer Growth Plan

Show Highlights

If I am not the most centrally present male figure in my kids lives, I have no idea what I can expect from whoever is going to fill that role. There’s never been a more important time than now for Dads to be engaged with their kids.

Kids are going to find a central male in their lives; let it be you, and work hard at it. – Brent Gibson

It doesn’t matter as much what you tell your kids; they’re going to model what they’ve experienced with you as their parent. Being present and engaged goes a long way.

Tools we can use to pour into our kids

Set up intentional play time with others going the same direction
Have other godly men in our boys lives (women for girls)
Structure purposeful time together
Implement subtle lessons

Intentional growth opportunities for this summer

Help your kids redeem free hours through the week with reward attached (praise, cash, etc)
Cast a vision; inspire them if possible
Brent and Lisa’s tools for a purposeful summer
1. scripture memorization
2. scripture reading
3. general reading
Aim to get 1% better on a goal each day
Helpful formula to instill a new habit
1. make it obvious
2. make it easy
3. make it attractive
4. make it satisfying

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If I am not the most centrally present male figure in my kids' lives, I have no idea what I can expect from whoever is going to fill that role. There's never been a more important time than now for dads to be engaged with their kids.
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Kids are going to find a central male in their lives; let it be you, and work hard at it. - Brent Gibson
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Resources

www.audibletrial.com/letsparentonpurpose

When Mom is Managing Alone

Previous episode: Summer Growth Plan

LPOP 122 How Can We Benefit From Counseling?

Sun, 19 May 2019 16:31:03 +0000

We invest in our retirement. We invest in our physical fitness. We invest in our caffeine habit. Why wouldn’t we invest in our family relationships? My friend Brian Neal of True Course Counseling joins me today to talk about the benefits of pastoral and professional counseling, the different ways counseling can help a family get “unstuck”, and how counseling can help a healthy family reach the next level. We also talk about common conflict issues and tools you can use for resolution before you ever seek extra help.

Thanks you to my Patreon Supporters! If it’s a blessing, support this podcast at https://www.patreon.com/letsparentonpurpose

I’ve made this free tool for you. Download your Free Marriage Snapshot today!

Show Highlights

Understanding the difference between Christian Counseling and Biblical Counseling
- Biblical Counseling focuses on Biblical texts and relates ones problems to the text of Scripture
- Christian Counseling focuses on the truth and the Truth about Jesus. Christian Counseling aims to bring Jesus to the center of the issue.
Some are hesitant to seek counseling or therapy because of time, money, or the stigma attached. You should look at counseling as an investment you make in yourself and your family. Some of the benefits include:
- Counseling helps you realize the cause of the problem you are facing;
- Counseling gives you tools to respond to various challenges
- It can bring healing to relationships
- Counseling can help you clarify your goals and determine a path towards success
Brian helps clarify the differences between various forms of help and therapy available
- Psychiatrist – see a psychiatrist for medication if you are suicidal or clinically depressed. A psychiatrist will help you address the physical symptoms. The do not generally help with giving you the emotional tools to work through your challenges.
- Psychologist – a psychologist should have a doctorate. They will have more training and are often much more specialized than a therapist or counselor.
- Therapist or counsellor – typically these will have a masters level of education. Most people can be helped on a therapeutic level, unless they are in crisis.
- Pastoral counselor – Many people can be greatly helped by pastoral counseling. It’s important to understand that most pastors do not have extensive training in counseling, but are pretty adept at combining biblical wisdom with life experience. Since many of life’s challenges are common problems shared by others, pastoral counseling can help work through a great number of issues. Also, pastors will often have good networks of contacts for more advanced counseling needs.
What are some of the situations where counseling might be helpful?
- When you are overwhelmed
- Whenever you feel helpless;
- If you are in conflict with a another person;
- If you find yourself in a confusing situation and don’t know how to react and others.
Brian discusses the benefits a family can have by creating a culture of service and communication within the home.

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Those with healthiest marriage and family are investing. It doesn’t just happen by chance.
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Resources Mentioned

You can find out more about Brain Neal and True Course Counseling https://truecoursecounseling.com

Want to invest in your family? You can also check out my recent episode with Jenny Price “How Your Marriage Affects Your Parenting” https://www.letsparentonpurpose.com/2019/05/05/how-your-marriage-affects-your-parenting/

121 Ben Trueblood: Why Young Adults Quit or Stick with the Church

Sun, 12 May 2019 16:00:02 +0000

Studies show 66% of teens who are active in church leave the church after high school. Ben Trueblood of LifeWay Student Ministry joins me today to discuss the missing links and how we can help our kids stay connected to the church as they leave home.

Show Highlights

Lifeway released a survey of 23-30 year olds who were active in church throughout their high school years. The goal was to track their church engagement from ages 18-22. The biggest focus of this study was on the retention rate of the students who were active in high school years and remained active throughout their college years.

What were the big picture findings of the survey?

66% of Active High School Students (attends 2x or more per month) leave church in the first couple of years after graduation.

Why?

Life change/situations 96%
Church/pastor related reasons 74%
Religious, political, ethical reasons 70%
Student/youth ministry reasons 63%

Why do 2/3 students leave the church?

There is statistically no significant difference in church drop out rates between college, military or workforce graduates. It’s not a college/career problem; it’s an age gap / transition from high school problem.
only 39% of students who leave say their dad was active in church as well
#1 reason why they walk away was life change was that they moved to college and stopped attending church; its generally not about hating God or purposefully walking away from the faith
They didn’t feel connected to people in the church (not just kids but other generations too).

Why do the 1/3 stay connected to the church?

When teens can identify 3 or more spiritual mentors through the high school years, they are THREE times more likely to stick with the church during college years
Mentor relationships can begin to take root in early stages of elementary and middle school! Adults who will take the kids seriously make the kids want to stick around longterm.
The stay rate is 13% higher for students who have a father who attends church
Virtually no evidence of a student ministry “coolness factor” keeps kids in church.
Help your teenager connect beyond just the worship service. (student ministry, life groups, mission trips, etc help them become more connected to the body of Christ).
The goal isn’t to become a good church-goer, but when someone is growing in their faith, there is more connection and likelihood to be with the people of Jesus.
Advice to parents:
- Help your teen overcome the initial barriers because there’s nothing that pulls them to be part of the body of Christ when they start out on their own.
- If you do a college visit, its ESSENTIAL you take time to visit churches in the area as well
- Parents, stay connected to the church; show genuine love and interest in the church. Pay attention to the pipeline of ministry.
31% of those who left had returned to church by age 30, and the number one reason why they came back is because a parent invited them.
Our parental influence goes far beyond when our kids move out. Don’t give up on inviting them back to church!

Listen for Ben’s answers to these Patreon Questions:

At a smaller church, where people are already volunteering at capacity, how do we make mentoring, discipleship and relationships with our kids and students a foundational part of our church?
Is there a significant long-term difference between students who come out of student ministry vs those who didn’t?

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The stay-in-church rate for teens is 13% higher for students who have a father who attends.
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When teens can identify 3 or more spiritual mentors through the high school years, they are THREE times more likely to stick with the church during college years.
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Mentor relationships can begin to take root in early stages of elementary and middle school! Adults who will take kids seriously make the kids want to stick around longterm.
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Resources

www.patreon.com/letsparentonpurpose

https://bentrueblood.com

twitter.com@bentrueblood

https://www.lifeway.com

Within Reach by Ben Trueblood (statistical results geared toward pastors, youth pastors)

A Different College Experience by Ben Trueblood and Brian Mills (read this with your graduating seniors and kids early in college life; also a great grad gift; good last-semester curriculum for youth)

Your local student ministry!

Marriage Snapshot tool

https://www.audibletrial.com/letsparentonpurpose

How Your Marriage Affects Your Parenting

Sun, 05 May 2019 16:00:53 +0000

My good friend Jenny Price joins me today to talk about THE most important relationship in your home! Nothing affects the development and stability of your children as much as your marriage. Ignore the health of your marriage at your own (and your children’s) risk!

In conjunction with this episode I’ve created a free tool for you and your spouse. Download your free Marriage Snapshot Tool and invest in your marriage!

Show Highlights

Your top two most important investments: 1) your relationship with Christ and 2) your marriage
Christ-centered marriages
- Mommy and Daddy show they love each other the most (after Jesus)
- Your kids need to see you spending time together during daylight hours
- Out-serve each other, honor one another in front of your children
Child-centered marriages / dangers when marriage isn’t on solid ground
- Parenting on a divided marriage makes children feel unsafe and unstable
- Staying together FOR the kids sake is a terribly destructive way to live
- Too many “love tank” withdraws without deposits leads to crisis
Important Key ingredients in a healthy marriage
- His Needs Her Needs:
  - we are making deposits or withdraws with every interaction
  - Kids entering the picture can begin to cause more withdraws than deposits
- Love and Respect
  - Core need for men is respect and admiration
  - Core need for women is love, adoration and tenderness
- The 5 Love Languages
  - Quality time, physical touch, acts of service, words of affirmation, and receiving gifts
  - The danger of the unmet need
- How I speak to my spouse and about my spouse
- Choosing to honor my spouse, choosing to honor my spouse in front of my kids
- I will speak LIFE over my spouse, or I will speak death.
Study your spouse. Be intentional about studying your spouse at least 5-10 minutes a day.
Pray with your spouse.
Three different consequences when you and your spouse aren’t on the same team:

1. It makes your kids unstable
  - The first questions kids ask in divorce is what they did wrong
  - Classic dysfunctional family (perfect child, scapegoat, clown, etc)
2. You are easy targets for manipulation when you aren’t on the same team
3. Resentments build and blame gets spread
  - We don’t react to what’s said; we react to the story we’ve built about what’s said
  - When you aren’t on the same team, you’ve put everyone on the defensive
  - Take responsibility as the adults in the family as a model to your kids

When you’re on the same team:

1. Life lessons are caught, not taught (the tone of your home will become their default)
2. You don’t feel alone
3. The absurdities of parenting don’t quite feel so heavy

More helpful notes:
- Advice for step-parents on sharing authority in the household
- Sexual intimacy in marriage is critical, and it’s important for your kids to know.

A few steps to help align your marriage
1. Take a marriage snapshot to get the tone of your marriage
2. Get professional help.
  - Do prevention ahead of time. Don’t want until crisis.
  - Connection to your spouse is extremely important and is a snapshot of how well your children will do in their own marriages.
3. Repent of your stuff without expectation or reciprocity.
  - out-serving your spouse, forgiving faster, apologizing faster, apologize publicly
4. Date Nights! Pursue your spouse.
5. Keep coming back and making little investments

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Your top two most important investments are your relationship with Christ and your marriage.
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We don't react to what's said; we react to the story we've built about what's said.
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One of the greatest gifts you can give your children is a healthy marriage.
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Resources Mentioned

This episode is sponsored by Audible. Go to www.audibletrial.com/letsparentonpurpose for a free audiobook as you try out Audible for free for one month. If you don’t know what to pick, I just finished Atomic Habits by James Clear and loved it!

As always, thank you to my Patrons! You’ve made these show notes possible, as well as the equipment used to record my interview with Jenny!

His Needs Her Needs: Building an Affair Proof Marriage by William Harvey

Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs

The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman

Episode 112 “Tools for Taming the Tongue” with Aidan Till

Marriage Snapshot Questionnaire

Jenneagram.com for marriage counseling or personal coaching with Jenny Price

119 Finding the Gospel in Avengers Endgame

Sat, 27 Apr 2019 06:00:59 +0000

(No Spoilers!) Whatever your preconceived notions are about this episode, you’re probably wrong! Student pastor and host of the We Think God is Awesome Podcast, Aaron Mamuyac, joins me for a fun look at movies and culture, including how we find traces of the gospel repeated over and over again in our favorite stories. Your children and their friends are most likely going to see Avengers Endgame. This gives you a great opportunity for discipleship as you help them be gospel detectives with a modern cultural phenomenon.

This week’s episode is brought to you by Audible. You can Audible for free for one month, including downloading a free book at www.audibletrial.com/letsparentonpurpose

As always, thank yo so much to my Patreon Supporters! These show notes and the extra microphones for my interview are from your generous support!

Show Highlights

Discover the gospel story with your students through movies in modern culture. It can sometimes be a struggle to find commonalities with your kids, but we have a golden opportunity for connection and discussions into what our kids are interested in and focused on! New movie releases (like Avengers Endgame now released after a 22-film build up) provide great conversational pieces and really interesting ways to help train your kids to observe hints of the gospel.

There are redemptive analogies in each culture.

Missionary to canibalistic tribe: Peace Child by Don Richardson
Don studied cultures and found redemptive analogies in each culture
Don and his family were missionaries to a canibalistic tribe who’s highest values were trechery, revenge and betrayal (people who befriended you, make you feel safe and then kill you)
Don learned this tribe’s culture but couldn’t communicate the gospel in a way the tribe could understand
Don eventually found a gateway to the tribe by teaching Jesus as the peace child
Finding the gateway story for this tribe lead to massive conversion in the village and eventual spread of the Gospel to other tribes

There are redemptive analogies in our culture as well!

Our redemptive analogies are played out through our stories.
The stories we like follow a similar framework, and this pattern seems to be naturally embedded in us:
- there a peace that’s somehow broken
- hero comes from the most unlikely place
- help appears and tries to fix the brokenness
- good over evil arc
- redemption
- when rescue comes, it’s when all hope is lost
- the rescue comes at great personal sacrifice to the hero, sometimes to his own life
- peace comes after the hero sacrifices himself

How our culture’s favorite stories parallel our lives as believers:

Life is broken and confusing now, and Jesus triumphs over evil and He wins
The end is better than even the beginning was!
There’s HOPE

As parents, we want to connect with our kids and find the gateways into their culture.

We start with telling them the Gospel story and how it’s TRUE.
Story form holds our attention more than anything else. The reason we like these books and movies is because there’s a TRUE story that God has written into our hearts to respond to.
Go with your child to watch the movie and talk with them ahead of time – explain how this seems to be the similar narrative of the Gospel.
Teach your children to be explorers of redemptive meaning.
Stories are so captivating because it leads us to the greater narrative of Jesus. Over-fascination and over-involvement in characters and video games is because we desire the Gospel in its true form; the characters are just shadows.
Kids learn morals, ethics, and values in these stories. We need to address the values and proactively teach our kids values from Scripture and help them understand how to differentiate culture vs God’s way

Three Circles: a simple method to sharing the gospel

God’s Plan, Brokenness, Jesus
Tying Three Circles method into movies: set up a framework for your kids to see the Gospel framework played out in the movies
- Where did we see God’s design in this movie?
- Where is the brokenness?
- In what ways are they trying to escape the brokenness?
- What are elements of the Gospel in this movie?

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Take your Bible and take your newspaper, and read both. But interpret newspapers from your Bible. ― Karl Barth
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If you can give your kids a big enough vision, it will keep them from being distracted by all of these little destructive ones.
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Resources Mentioned

Aaron Mamuyac

Sunlight Church, Port Saint Lucie

Website: https://www.sunlightcc.org

Email: aaron@sunlightcc.org

God is Awesome Podcast

God is Awesome on Facebook

Peace Child by Don Richardson (missionary to canibalistic tribe)

Three Circles: a simple method to sharing the gospel

Avengers Endgame

Try you first book on Audible for free: https://www.audible.com/letsparentonpurpose

118 Easter Hope in the Valley of the Shadow

Sun, 21 Apr 2019 06:00:14 +0000

Today I share why Easter gives me hope even in the darkest days of family life. I conclude with a post I wrote at 3AM on Easter Sunday five years ago, just one week after my son was diagnosed with Leukemia.

As always, thank you Patreon Supporters! You’re awesome! If you want to support this podcast for as little as $1 an episode, you can do it through www.patreon.com

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I am created in the image of God and am a brother of the King Most High. Who cares whether my kid qualifies me for an honor roll bumper sticker?
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Easter is a reminder that life comes from death, that light comes after the darkness, and that God is actively at work even when nothing makes sense.
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Show Highlights

As a dad who has never seen, but still believes, here’s how I feel blessed and hopeful as a parent:

Easter is the celebration of the Resurrection of Jesus. The resurrection is the validation of everything Jesus said and did:

It means that His teachings aren’t just sound advice, they are commands with a supernatural power behind them.
It means that wen Jesus says I can call God my Father, it’s true. He’s not just some distant authority figure, He’s my Daddy.
It means I’m truly forgiven of my sins. I don’t have to live a life of penance making up for past mistakes (including parenting mistakes). I can focus on walking in grace and humility, trying to do what’s right today instead of wallowing in the guilt of my failures from yesterday. I’ve trusted Jesus to save my soul, and I’m trusting Him to give me the grace for what He’s commanded me to do as a parent.

2. Easter is a reminder that life comes from death, that light comes after the darkness, and that God is actively at work even when nothing makes sense.

It means that even my worst parenting days are redeemable, and that what I (or others) meant for evil, God will turn for good.
It means that my children’s disabilities, shortcomings, and failures are just details in a greater story that God is writing. He is forming their character as well as mine, and He is making All Things New!
It means that my son getting cancer or my wife dying is not the last word. My hope is not in a particular outcome, it’s in a Person. And that Person conquered death and the grave and promised to do the same for me and all of those that love HIm.

3. Easter is a conviction that I am not the center of the universe, and neither are my children.

I don’t have to have it all figured out, because I’m not in charge of this planet. I’m not God and I don’t get to dictate everything in my life or my children’s life. That’s really freeing.
My kids get to mess up as well, because my pride and identity should not be wrapped up in them looking impressive. I am created in the image of God and am a brother of the King Most High. Who cares whether my kid qualifies me for an honor roll bumper sticker?
Since I’m not the center of the universe, or even the dictator in my own house, I get to REST like it depends on God. Because it does.

Resources Mentioned

My Easter Morning post from 2014 after my son’s diagnosis

Andrew Peterson

High Noon by Andrew Peterson

117 Shame and the Fear of Man

Sun, 14 Apr 2019 19:00:05 +0000

“The remarkable thing about God is that when you fear God, you fear nothing else, whereas if you do not fear God, you fear everything else.” – Oswald Chambers

Today’s topic highlights the intersection between the fear of man, shame and how it’s indicative of how small our God is. Learn to identify shame and then how to view it in light of God’s truth. When people are big in your life, God is small, but if God takes the proper proportion, you genuinely get to experience freedom.

Show Highlights

Living in a shame-driven culture
- Pervasive culture
- We’re living our lives in the fear of man
  - People will see me
  - People will reject me
  - People will hurt me
- When fear of people becomes bigger than fear of God
- Identify different ways the fear of disapproval affects our daily lives before we can diagnose and help our children
- The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe. Prov 29:25
Living in the Shame
- What is shame?
- Finding what our shame is based in
- The garden story in Genesis 22:25 / Genesis 3:7-8
- Then the eyes of both were opened and they knew they both were naked
Different causes of shame and the powerful force in peoples’ lives
- Shame from sin we do
- Shame from being victimized or sinned against (which then amplifies our own natural shame)
Different effects of shame
- Low self esteem (and the wrong antidote we’re prone to fix it with)
- Hiding
- Spy through the peepholes in our walls
The TRUTH
- The truth is that we don’t measure up so stop trying to measure up.
- You can wear a mask; you can hide from people, but you aren’t hiding from God. You’re seen by the one who is the most righteous. Psalm 139
- We let people get very big and live in the paralysis of the fear of man
How understanding the gaze of God can release you from the shame and fear of man:
- Questions to ask ourselves
  - What are you most afraid of?
  - Who are you most afraid of?
- What scripture tells us:
  - Matthew 10:28 / Fear the one who has power over our souls. God sees you.
  - Romans 5:6-11 / While we were still weak, Christ died for the ungodly.
  - We are enemies against God, but God died for his enemies and divinely exchanged our sin for his glory.
  - He took on our sin and shame physically and spiritually.
  - He exchanged our sin and shame and gave us his righteousness.
  - In Christ, you are not shamed and exposed. You are clothed with his righteousness. You don’t have to be afraid of God. Isaiah 61:10
  - Scripture references: Hebrews 13:6, Proverbs 29:25, Psalm 56:4, Romans 8:31
How will seeing people and God in their proper places affect your marriage and parenting?
- Know that you are seen, loved, known and accepted by God who made everything.
- Knowing how you are loved frees you to offer the same grace you have been given.
- When people are big in your life, God is small, but if God takes the proper proportion, you genuinely get to experience freedom.

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The gospel is the story of God covering his naked enemies, bringing them to the wedding feast, and then marrying them rather than crushing them. Edward T. Welch
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In Christ, you are not shamed and exposed. You are clothed with his righteousness.
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Resources Mentioned

When People Are Big and God is Small: Overcoming Peer Pressure, Codependency, and the Fear of Man by Edward T. Welch

116 Parenting Different Personalities

Sun, 07 Apr 2019 12:00:08 +0000

We don’t love our children the same. We love them uniquely, because they are each unique. Because of their uniqueness, a parenting approach that works for one child could cause another one to wilt. My good friend, partner in ministry, and coach/strategist Jenny Price joins me today to talk through various personality types we find among children, and what strategies can help us get the best out of each one.

Show Highlights

What does it mean to fully love your children, but not love them the same
Personality differences that become evident in the baby/toddler years
How different discipline techniques work with different personalities
- The tender children
  - Helping them differentiate correction from “I’m a horrible person”
  - Their tendency for secretive shame
  - The importance of asking question
  - Teaching them that God is both The Lion and The Lamb
- Assertive, strong-willed children
  - The need for discipline and structure
  - Their need for short conversations and a brick wall
  - Why lectures aren’t effective
- The easy, under the radar children
  - The Glass Child
  - Why they are so easily overlooked
  - Their need of one on one time
- Special needs children
  - Their need for higher attention
  - Beware of them working the system
  - The critical need for parents to take care of themselves
The importance of saying sorry to your children
Three questions to ask your children
- What’s working for you?
- What’s not working for you?
- What’s next in relationship to me?
Three other great questions
- What do you want more of from me?
- What do you want less of from me?
- What else are you not telling me?
Reminding your children that you love them, you are for them, that God loves them and is for them
Ensuring other mentors are involved in your children’s life

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Our goal isn't to raise children that 'aren't bad', our goal is to raise adults that thrive and are a blessing to the world.
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Your performance driven children need permission to not be perfect.
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Three important questions to ask people in your life -What do you want more of from me? -What do you want less of from me? -What else do you need to tell me?
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Resources Mentioned

Jenny Price Coach/Consultant: Personal/Professional/Enneagram www.jenneagram.com

Jenny on instagram: : www.instagram.com/JenneagramCoach

Let’s Parent on Purpose Episode 49: Depression and Anxiety In Parenting and Marriage with Jenny

Let’s Parent on Purpose Episode 112: Tools for Taming the Tongue

Ian Morgan Cron, The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery

115 Trusting God

Sun, 31 Mar 2019 12:00:11 +0000

We all want to be great parents with thriving kids, but the truth is that only God can change a heart. I do the best I can with all the means I can, but it’s ultimately His Spirit that reaches them. Learn how to trust that God will reach our kids hearts, shape them and eventually bring freedom as we faithfully walk this parenting journey.

Show Highlights

Trusting God Even When Life Hurts – the sovereignty of God. Why doesn’t He stop pain if He is all-powerful and all-loving. If God is all-powerful, why doesn’t He stop the pain?
Ryan Leak’s consulting on on the danger of ego – what percentage of credit you feel like you should get for the success of “X”
- Why you should get 0 credit for the growth of “X”
We are responsible to point our kids to Jesus, but it’s HIM who changes hearts
How to deal with situations beyond my control and my illusion of control
Finding encouragement from Psalm 127, the theme song of my life
What do I do when I don’t know what to do or how to pray?
- The Spirit helps us in our weakness and the Spirit intercedes with groaning too deep for words
- Romans 8:26-28: He causes ALL things work together for good for those who Love God and are called according to his purpose. It doesn’t mean that everything that happens is good; it means that He can bring good, even out of sin and pain.
- Thomas Watson’s book: All Things for Good
  - God is a great pharmacist. A pharmacist’s role is to combine drugs to bring healing.
  - The very same lethal drug, if mixed correctly, can save your life. (i.e. NACL)
  - Some things are not good, but God will work them for good. It may take a very long time
- He didn’t spare his own son and how much more will he give us everything we need.

NOTHING will separate us from the love of God
- Not death, life, angels, rulers, things present powers,
- OR your kids stupid decisions, a mean person, bad grades, even complete rebellion of a child

Look back and see how God used sin and hardship to mold you towards Jesus
- The mystery of how God uses most unlikely things to turn us towards Him
- You can’t control every decision your kids make, or their sicknesses, which friends love and hurt them, etc. But their pain is not wasted; God uses loss and suffering to bond us to Him.

7 steps to help you center your trust in God
1. Believe that God loves your children more than you do
2. Trust that whatever is happening isn’t the end of the story
  - The pain isn’t senseless or wasted
  - Jesus is going to make all things new
3. Acknowledge your doubts and fears
  - Psalm 88 — and darkness is my only friend
  - God, I believe. Help my unbelief. — Mark 9:24
  - Faith is not a lack of fear. It’s walking forward even in the midst of our fear. It’s remembering what you know to be true in front of something that you don’t understand
4. Notice the circumstances of your life that God put together to provide for you
5. Remember that you are a work in progress too
6. Parent today in the power of the Holy Spirit
7. Trust God for the grace today and look forward to the results for tomorrow

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This is God's universe, and God does things his way. You may have a better way, but you don't have a universe. --J. Vernon McGee
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Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief. --Mark 9:24
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Faith is not a lack of fear. It's walking forward even in the midst of our fear. It's remembering what you know to be true in front of something that you don't understand.
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Resources Mentioned

Ryan Leak – https://www.ryanleak.com https://twitter.com/ryanleak

Trusting God Even When Life Hurts by Jerry Bridges

Psalm 127

Romans 8:26-28

All Things for Good book by puritan Thomas Watson

114 Three Ways to Grow Gratitude

Sun, 24 Mar 2019 12:00:05 +0000

Gratitude is a crucial component in changing our circumstances and in helping develop the character of our children. Join me today as I discuss three ways you can encourage a heart of gratitude in your household.

I want to say a special thanks to my growing group of Patreon Supporters! For as little as $1 an episode you can invest in making this podcast as I invest in your family!

Show Highlights

Headwinds vs Tailwinds: why we notice our disadvantages while glossing over our advantages
Why we should notice the advantages and resources at our fingertips
What or who is the real problem to our lack of gratitude?
Learn what God’s antidote is to taking life for granted
Learn what God says His will is for your life.
One of the greatest works that can change our circumstances and help develop the character of our children
Hear about one of my personal goals this year with my kids
How to model and then encourage a lifestyle of gratitude for my family
Become a life tour guide pointing out multiple levels of amazing that God has graced us with
Three practical steps to cultivate a culture of gratitude in your home
- Check-in (“roses and thorns” or “highs for the day”)
- Compliment and celebrate
- Check out the Global Rich List. See where your family ranks among the wealthiest humans in the world. You’ll be shocked!
  - Make a list with your children of how your family has been given advantages
  - See how it takes a person in a different country to earn “x” amount of money for just a cup of coffee vs. how it takes us about 10 minutes in the US to earn the same amount of money.
  - Begin a month-long process of identifying all the advantages God has given us
  - God blessed Abraham so that he could be a blessing too many. Help your kids see the responsibility that comes along with being blessed.

A family that is thankful is a family that is fun to be in!

Thankful families are a blessing to the world.

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A culture of gratitude is one of the greatest works that can change our circumstances and help develop the character of our children.
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Gratitude is a marathon, not a sprint.
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Resources Mentioned

Freakonomics podcast: Gratitude and Noticing our disadvantages while glossing over our advantages

Episode 110: A Little Change that Makes a Big Difference

Global Rich List: interactive website to see where you find your wealth rank among the world and its wealthiest people

113 Cultivating Meaningful Friendships

Sun, 17 Mar 2019 12:00:22 +0000

Show Highlights

Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.

Our friends determine the direction and quality of our lives.
- Why I should intentionally equip myself and my family on how to have the most healthy friendships
- How negative behaviors and bad habits become normal to us when we surround ourselves with bad company
- Why not to make close friends with gaping character defects
Am I establishing healthy friendships and avoiding unhealthy ones? Are my children?
- How do we help our children recognize and identify healthy friendships, and how do we cultivate them?
  - Help your kids be intentional in identifying the good qualities in others
  - Analyze your own friendships. Model healthy friendships. It’s hard for my kids to do what they don’t see.
  - Who are you becoming?
  - What direction are your closest friends taking you?
    - You need givers AND takers in your life, people you pour into and people who pour into you.
    - You become a composite of the 5-7 people you spend the most time with. Do you like what’s happening?
    - He who walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.
Go to Scripture and point your kids to it. Discuss scripture with your kids (i.e. What does Proverbs 13:20 mean?)
Ask questions. Discussions around your dinner table could include:
- Asking questions to your kids to help THEM discover. The more they realize on their own, the more growth is possible.
  - You become like the 5-7 people you spend the most time with. If we look at your friends, what’s your future going to be? What direction are you heading in, and do you like that?
  - Who are 1-2 peers that you need to intentionally spend more time with?
  - Who are 1-2 older people that you really benefit by spending more time with?

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Show me your friends, and I'll show you your future.
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Bad company corrupts good morals.
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You become a composite of the 5-7 people you spend the most time with. Do you like what's happening?
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Resources Mentioned

Episode 74: Identifying and Avoiding Toxic Relationships

Episode 79: How to Win Hearts and Influence Your Family

Episode 80: Two Ways to Get People to Like You

112 Tools for Taming the Tongue

Sun, 10 Mar 2019 12:00:17 +0000

If you’re tired of putting out fires started by your tongue, you’re going to really benefit from my conversation with my friend Aidan Till. Aidan preached recently at my church Covenant Fellowship Baptist Church from James 3. What he shared about the connection between our hearts, minds, and tongue was so applicable to moms and dads I grabbed him for a followup conversation. If you want to hear the original sermon, you can find it here.

I want to say a special thanks to my growing group of Patreon Supporters! For as little as $1 an episode you can invest in making this podcast as I invest in your family!

Show Highlights

A background on the book of James as wisdom literature
How emotions are always 100% accurate, but not in the way we often think
How our internal story maker affects how we interpret our world and others
Understanding how we are driven by emotions far more than we think
Realizing that we are labeling our children in the way we chastise them
Why feelings don’t have to be fixed
Disciplines for understanding the root what’s coming out of our mouth
- Notice (without judgement or excuse) the speech
  - Notice what you just said
  - You can even do this without saying it if you practice 10 seconds of silence
  - Notice how you said
  - Notice what you wanted when you said it
  - Notice the other conversations going on in your head while you’re taking
  - Don’t try to know why
- Notice what you would have said
  - Use a discipline of silence
    - 10 second rule across all of life
    - 5 minute rule
    - listen
    - notice without judgment or justification what you would have said
- Notice the emotions
  - In the silence notice what you are feeling
  - Usually our most real feelings are happy, sad, scared, mad, or affectionate
  - Emotions are designed to be noticed. That’s all.
  - Practice the Examine Prayer
- Notice the story
  - Stimulus->Story->Feelings->Response
  - Our stories are sometimes lazy or protective
  - Notice the story you are telling, it will tell you something about your inner story teller
    - Example – Lunch win an ex
- Notice there may be something more
An exercise for examining our heart

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Emotions always tell you the truth about what you believe about God, yourself, and the world. They don't always tell you the truth about what's actually real.
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When I yell at my children, I'm teaching them that whoever escalates the most wins.
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If you're going to give someone the benefit of the doubt, you have to acknowledge that you're doubting something.
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Biting our tongue is not how we tame our tongue. That's like trying to bite a bullet after it's been fired. We have to examine our heart.
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Resources Mentioned

Aidan Till’s Blog

Joseph Grenny’s Crucial Conversations

Discipline Without Emotion

Sun, 03 Mar 2019 12:00:17 +0000

While it might be unrealistic to ever get to the point of disciplining without any emotion, we can at least strive to correct behavior without having a stroke. As author Dr. Kevin Leman puts it, our goal is Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours!

As I mentioned, thank you for subscribing and sharing, and a BIG thank you to my Patreon supporters! For as little as $1 an episode you can help support this podcast and join our Facebook Parenting Community.

Show Highlights

Triggers for emotional overreaction as a parent
The purpose of discipline is not punishment, it’s training for behavior and character
The danger of training our children to be emotionally volatile
My thoughts on generational curses
Why my emotional escalation of the situation generally doesn’t help
Strategies for lowering your emotions
- Preemptive strategies:
  - Specificity drives accountability, accountability drives performance: get specific in your instructions
  - Be realistic about human nature, time, and commitments
  - Plan ahead to avoid unnecessary conflicts
  - Plan ahead with consequences for predictable poor behavior
- Delaying consequences
- Using words like “uh-oh” or “ooooo… bummer”
The danger or idle threats

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Rules without relationship lead to rebellion. @josh_mcdowell
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How can I discipline effectively without getting so angry? Find out on this week's podcast!
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The purpose of discipline is not punishment, it's training for behavior and character.
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Children will mimic what I do far more than what I say.
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Resources Mentioned

Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours! by Dr. Kevin Leman

Parenting with Love and Logic By Foster Kline and Jim Fay

Parenting Teens with Love and Logic By Foster Kline and Jim Fay

You might want to check out my blog Consequences Don’t Have to be Immediate

110 A Little Change that Makes a Big Difference

Sun, 24 Feb 2019 12:00:22 +0000

Sometimes it seems like a cloud of negativity hangs over our household. This week I share with you a simple change I made that helped change my perspective, as well as the reality, in my family.

Show Highlights

Realizing that I had become overly critical of those in my life
Deciding to live like God gave me the gift of encouragement
My resolution for the year: “Catch them doing good”
Realizing that the vast majority of what my wife and children do is good
Deciding to be the kind of person who sees and celebrates the good in others
Why this is not just the power of positive thinking
Understanding the concept of “What you feed will grow, what you starve will die”
How Celebrating the Win can remove the need to address some negative behavior

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A change in your perspective can change your reality.
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Episode 85 Learning to Celebrate Failure

What you feed will grow, what you starve will die.
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If you liked this, check out

Episode 90 Small Investments Big Rewards

109 Everyday Generosity with Drew and Brad Formsma

Sun, 17 Feb 2019 12:00:37 +0000

How do you cultivate a culture of generosity in your family? Father and son Brad and Drew Formsma join me today to share how generosity has become a way of life in their household. Along with his dad, Drew recently published the book Everyday Generosity – becoming a generous family in a selfie world.

Speaking of generosity, thank you so much to my Patreon supporters! As a token of gratitude, I’m sending a copy of Drew and Brad’s book Everyday Generosity to one of my patrons!

Show Highlights

How Uber drivers inspired 16 year old Drew to write Everyday Generosity
Drew’s earliest memories of generosity in his mom and dad
Brad explains the 7 ways a family can be generous
- Words
- Money
- Influence
- Attention
- Possessions
- Time
- Thoughts
The power of a story
Pre-planing for generosity by carrying around gift cards
Getting your generosity antenna ready
Have you ever thanked the person who cleans the airport bathroom?
I share my son’s Chemo Orphan Challenge Story
How parents can model generosity in a way that is contagious
Learning that modeling generosity is a long process

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Generosity is simply seeing a need, accepting it, and living it out without any expectation of anything in return. @drewformsma
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Generosity inspires generosity @bradformsma
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Resources Mentioned

Brad Formsma’s organization to inspire giving https://www.ilikegiving.com

Brad’s book I Like Giving: The Transforming Power of a Generous Life

http://www.bradformsma.com

Drew Formsma on Instagram

Drew Formsma on Twitter

Brad Formsma on Twitter

Brad Formsma on Instagram

108 Culture Watch: Music and Pop Culture

Sun, 10 Feb 2019 12:00:43 +0000

There has been a major shift over the last several years in music and pop culture. Artists today are first brands, and then musicians. Social media, music streaming and youtube have radically changed music discovery, delivery, and influence. I have to be honest, I knew nothing about many of the top 10 Billboard artists of the year. My friend Patrick Farley is here to help educate us on which artists have cultural significance, trends in music and dance.

If you find this valuable, please share it with others and consider supporting Let’s Parent on Purpose as a Patreon

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Even if your children are homeschooled, if you're ever going to let them out of the house, you need to know the world they are swimming in.
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A face tattoo is a face tattoo. If you don't become a rapper who makes a million dollars, you're stuck with your face tattoo.
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2018 Billboard top 10 artists of the year

Show Highlights

A rundown of the top 10 Billboard artists of the year for 2018
The changing image of rappers and hip hop artists in the last 5 years
“It’s not about making great music, it’s about having fun”
A general understanding of Kpop
Drake as a cultural influencer, including his negative impact
The undertones of depression behind the glorification of recreational drugs
Why you need to be aware of Post Malone
The refreshing honesty and quality of Christian Hip Hop
Deviant behavior promoted in the lyrics by those that culture labels “good guys”
The country music genre’s obsession with alcohol
Taylor Swift’s unique influence over Apple Music and Spotify
The “catch me outside” girl launches a music career

Resources Mentioned

Check out Plugged In to keep up to date on music, movies, and video games from a Christian perspective

Christian Hip Hop Artists you should know

Danielle Bregoli the “catch me outside girl” cashes in

107 Biblical Womanhood

Mon, 04 Feb 2019 12:00:42 +0000

We live in a world that seeks to define women by their bodies or their tasks. They are either commodities to be exploited or pawns in someone’s agenda. As a father, this breaks my heart. As a pastor, I know it’s evil. Our daughters AND sons need a healthy vision of womanhood that is not tied to an ever-changing image of physical beauty. They also need to see how women are unique image-bearers of God far beyond the tasks they do-whether in the home or in the work force. On this podcast I humbly present a definition rooted in God’s word for our ladies to aspire and our men to affirm.

Thank you again to www.lovoso.com for sponsoring today’s podcast. Check out their selection of hand crafted pens, made by young men who have been rescued from poverty and homelessness, now trained in the Gospel and with a job skill. 100% of the profits support orphan and widow care. Use the code “Parenting” to receive 10% off your order!

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Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lionlooking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8
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Changing Standards of Beauty over time

Grace does not mean you're a doormat.
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Show Highlights

The pressure on females to look perfect in our social media culture
Changing standards of beauty for women over time
Why coming up with the definition for womanhood was much more difficult
The danger of the church trying to define women by their domestic duties
A simple definition: “You’re a woman. That means God made you graceful to heal others.”
Rejecting Worldly Identity
Expecting God’s Greater Reward
Acting with Strength and Wisdom
Loving Others Boldly
Developing the habit of catching your children doing good

Resources mentioned

1 Peter 5:8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lionlooking for someone to devour.

Men’s Fraternity by Robert Lewis

Thank you to my Patrons! If you find value in this program, would you consider supporting this podcast for the price of a cup of coffee each week?

106 Manhood: Teaching a Biblical Identity Part 2

Sun, 27 Jan 2019 12:00:46 +0000

What does it mean to be a man? The answer to this question is as important as it’s ever been. But in a post-truth culture, the answer is muddier than ever. Giving our young men and women a clear vision for manhood will ground them and give them purpose in a constant shifting culture. Today’s podcast does exactly that. Starting with a simple definition to train our small children, I expand with Robert Lewis’ definition of a REAL Man to help guide our sons and daughters as they approach adulthood.

Also, if you’re looking for a meaningful gift for a loved one, check out our sponsor Lovoso at https://www.lovoso.com. They provide high quality handmade pens created by young men who are escaping cycles of poverty while learning a trade. 100% of the profits go to orphan and widow care. Use the promo code “Parenting” to get a 10% discount on your order!

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Cultural Rites of Passage around the world

Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is choosing to walk forward even in the presence of fear.
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Show Highlights

Why this topic is so important for your daughters as well as your sons
Helping your children recognize the difference between a boy and adult
Why we miss true cultural Rites of Passage and how your church can create one
Rites of Passages for young men around the world
Our Church’s 4 Part Rite of Passage
- A special family trip
- A special family dinner
- A special gift
- A church dinner with public affirmation and prayer
A simple manhood definition: “You’re a man. That means God made you strong to take care of others.”
Rejecting Passivity
Expecting God’s Greater Reward
Accepting Responsibility
Leading Courageously

Resources Mentioned

Failure to Launch

Men’s Fraternity by Robert Lewis

Raising a Modern Day Knight by Robert Lewis

Consider being a Patron of Let’s Parent on Purpose!

105 Made in the Image of God: Teaching a Biblical Identity Part 1

Sun, 20 Jan 2019 12:00:51 +0000

Identity can be defined simply as “who a person is”. This simple definition belies how incredibly complicated identity can be for individuals, especially our growing children. In a world of constantly changing morals and definitions, it is vital that we give our children solid footing to understand who they are and why they exist. Today’s podcast explores the reality that our greatest possible value comes from understanding our identity as the pinnacle of God’s creation, the only ones made in His image, and the object of his love, affection, and redemption.

This is Part One of a three part series on equipping you to teach identity to your children.

Please visit this week’s sponsor https://www.lovoso.com . Lovoso gives orphans job skills through woodworking and tailoring. Use the promo code “Parenting” to get 10% off of your order. All profits go to care for and train orphans and widows in India.

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What are the character qualities that describe a biblical man or woman?
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Both men and women are created in the image of God. Every other identity is secondary to this. If you become the mayor, governor, or president, how does that compare to being the pinnacle of God's creation and object of His love &…
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It's not the value of the material or paint that makes a painting, it's the worth of the artist. People are priceless because of our Creator.
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You were made by the Master Creator, and YOU are the object of His love and redemption!
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Show Highlights

My annual list of truths and principles to teach teenagers at my church
The difficulty of a culture with no true definition of adulthood or rite of passage to affirm arrival
Why it’s not helpful to tell children anything in the world they want to be
Why being made in the image of God should be our core identity
How the value of any creation is tied to the preeminence of the creator
What it means to be created in the image of God
How humans are God’s ruling representatives on earth
The danger of placing our identity in sports, arts, smarts, or gender
Coaching your children on identity

Resources mentioned

The Weight of Glory by C.S. Lewis

Genesis 1:26-17

Become a Patron of Let’s Parent on Purpose

104 Culture Watch: Fortnite and Youtube Streaming

Sun, 13 Jan 2019 12:00:59 +0000

Nearly 80 million people play the video game sensation Fortnite each month. Even if your children don’t play, they are talking about it, learning the dance moves. It’s not just a video game, it’s a cultural phenomenon. Additionally, students are devouring content on youtube that you might not even realize exists.

My good friend and top 5 finalist for Florida state teacher of the year Patrick Farley joins me to talk about his experience of Fortnite and Youtube among his students. These are topics you absolutely need to be aware of as you raise children interacting with pop culture.

Be sure to check out our affiliate sponsor https://www.lovoso.com. Lovoso is a handcrafted wood company that trains orphans to have a hope for the future through shelter, education, spiritual mentoring, and job skills. I’ve personally visited their home in India and met the students who were trained to make these hand crafted pens that help feed and clothe them. Use the code “Parenting” to get 10% off your order!

In this podcast we discuss:

The appeal of Fortnite
A free game that can cost a lot of money
Skins and avatars
Old culture meets modern culture in the Fortnite dances
Impulse buying with children and adults
The new trend of watching people play video games on Youtube
How watching youtube gamers is similar to watching sports on TV
The danger of your child being someone else’s commodity online
Parenting strategies to keep communication open when children find something inappropriate online

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If your child senses a trap in your questioning of what they are doing, you are going to get the least amount of information possible, or a lie.
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If you catch your child looking at something they shouldn't, especially the first time, don't assume deviant behavior. Assume a deviant world that doesn't care about your child.
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You cannot protect your child from everything coming at them. You need a good defensive strategy. But more than that, you need a solid relationship.
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Resources Mentioned

Caught In Between: Engaging Your Preteens Before They Check Out by Dan Scott

Here’s an excellent Fortnite Game Review by Plugged In

The most popular gaming Youtube Stars

Circle from Disney – This is a fantastic device for controling online consumtion in your house

Patrick Farley’s Youtube Channel “Mr. Farley”

Farley’s Instagram

103 Really Tough Accountability Questions

Sun, 06 Jan 2019 12:00:01 +0000

Here is my list of the most challenging (and most helpful) accountability questions I’ve ever used. I’ve used these questions with a number of different friends over the last decade. Answering these questions each week has made me a better husband, parent, and follower of Jesus.

The Most Helpful Accountability Questions I’ve Ever Used

1. Have you spent daily time in the Scriptures and in prayer?

2. Have you had any flirtatious or lustful attitudes, tempting thoughts, or exposed yourself to any explicit materials which would not glorify God?

3. Have you been completely above reproach in your financial dealings?

4. Have you spent quality relationship time with family and friends?

5. Is Jesus being honored in the way you work and treat people at your work?

6. Have you told any half truths or outright lies, putting yourself in a better light to those around you?

7. Have you shared the Gospel with an unbeliever this week?

8. Have you taken care of your body through daily physical exercise and proper eating/sleeping habits?

9. Have you allowed any person or circumstance to rob you of your joy?

10. Have you lied to us on any of your answers today?

Note – I have researched and found that these questions originate from Character That Counts-Who’s Counting Yours?: Growing Through Accountability by Pastor Rod Handley

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102 The Best Habit You Can Learn

Sun, 30 Dec 2018 14:27:55 +0000

The single most transformative Habit you can learn is the routine for mastering new habits. Today I share with you what I’ve learned over the years in creating consistent disciplines in my own life, and how I work to help my family do the same.

If you love Let’s Parent on Purpose, would you consider becoming a patron?

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“Most people overestimate what they can do in one year and underestimate what they can do in ten years.” @billgates
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Success is nothing but a few simple disciplines repeated every day, while failure is nothing but a few simple errors repeated every day. @OfficialJimRohn
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Show Highlights

Why your brain LOVES habits
Understanding the Habit Loop
- The Cue
- The Routine
- The Reward
The value of immediate rewards in developing long term habits
Why it’s so hard to stop a bad habit
How Chocolate can help you lose weight
The method I used to establish a regular routine of prayer and Bible Study before daylight every morning

Resources Mentioned

Understanding the Habit Loop This video will really help explain how habits work

Bill Gates

Jim Rohn