Ever caught yourself standing in front of your wardrobe for way longer than you'd like to admit, trying to decide what to wear? You're not alone. In this episode, we’ll share some unique hacks to simplify your daily decisions so you can have more time and energy to focus on what truly matters!

From what to eat or wear to more pivotal life decisions, we'll walk you through our strategies and experiences. Hear about our recent personal and professional triumphs that include adventures across the globe and a recent move to Las Vegas. Be prepared for an engaging conversation as we reflect on our roller-coaster journey over the past two months. 

Whether you're a golfing enthusiast, a seasoned traveler, or someone looking to simplify daily decision-making, there's something for everyone in this episode. Tune in for an engaging discussion about eliminating inconsequential decisions from our lives to make room for ones that matter. 

*Struggles podcast is produced by Ventures FM.*

Episode Quotes:

On what he has learned after a year of being a sales associate

James: Honestly, this job is one of the hardest jobs I've ever had. I don't know how much longer I can do it, but I know that I have a higher goal, right? A higher purpose. Sometimes it feels like I'm going backward. It feels like I'm regressing in my skills to be able to talk to people, to be able to cold call people, and it doesn't actually ever get easier. You think that at some point, it's going to get easier, but you become more, I guess, comfortable with the uneasiness. I don't know if this really relates to a golf swing, but for every swing, you have to focus. You can't just not really think about your swing. At any point you could fuck up. So, it's not necessarily that things get easier, it's just you become more comfortable with your routine, your process. You just keep swinging. I'm at a point where I'm still swinging, but I do have to take a step back and think about how I'm approaching a lot of my swings now, a lot of my cold calls. Slowly improving there, but I still think I have a lot to improve on.

Life is a grind.

Sean: One thing to keep in mind is a lot of things in life is a grind. It's a grind until it gets better. Some certain things might seem like it's more enjoyable than others from the outside, but it's still a fucking grind.

James: Maybe it’s that you like something enough that you're willing to go through the grind.

On sticking with things that matter

Sean: When I think about how I make my decisions to stick with something, there's definitely always a high-arching goal. That's how I stick with things. Not to say I stick with everything. But the things I do decide to follow through on, I'm very patient with it. There's always an overarching objective that keeps me going.

After a month-long hiatus, we're excited to share our latest conversation with you all. This time, we dive into the reality of daily struggles and how embracing them can help us overcome life, business, and career challenges. From our own experiences to company-wide offsites, we discuss the importance of mindset and self-care when navigating life's obstacles.

We also explore the significance of finding meaning and identity outside of our work. We touch on the inspiring stories of our coworkers who have cultivated their passions while maintaining their careers, such as a world champion skydiver and a talented musician. We believe that having a greater purpose or passion outside of our jobs can fuel our motivation and make our daily struggles more bearable.

Lastly, we discuss the power of perspective and the role it plays in our personal growth. Whether it's involving kids in food choices or adjusting to different time zones during work trips, a shift in perspective can make all the difference. Join us as we share valuable insights, personal stories, and practical advice on navigating life's daily struggles.

Episode Quotes:

Pursuing your passion outside of work/Do not let your career define your identity

James: I think a lot of people kind of go through the struggle of when they have a job, and they're trying to figure out why am I still doing this job? What's important is to have some motivation aside from just the work. You should be doing something aside from your main job. And for a lot of people, it comes down to family and relationships, but it can also be your hobbies, your passion, whatever you're truly passionate about, whatever you truly really want to do with your life, what you enjoy doing, and I thought that was really cool. I kind of grew up with the identity of I'm someone who just works, and I'm slowly starting to get out of that kind of mindset where I rely on work to define who I am.

Golf as a business tool

Sean: I used to feel guilty about playing so much golf, but I realized it is something that I wanted to commit to, and maybe there's an excuse that I'm giving myself, but I do think it's a reality for me, where it's like a tool that I want to have in my bag and my tool belts. And I want that because, from a business perspective, I want to be able to hang with people that play golf and talk business. I think that's why I'm just so committed to it.

They talked a little bit about work (Let's congratulate James for hitting his quota for the first time!), vitamins and supplements (Do they really work?), and the struggles of traveling with kids and how to overcome them.

They also discussed ways to measure your life - celebrating the small wins leading up to the bigger ones.

Episode Quotes:

Struggles on feeling you are doing enough

James: There's some kind of very thin line between feeling okay with where you're at, being enough, feeling that you're doing enough, and the feeling that you should be doing more. That's a constant struggle.

On traveling with kids

Sean: Take it easy. Don't hold expectations for what kids should be doing or what you should be doing. Just go with the flow.

We deep dive into the idea of living in fear versus living in the state of love. How does someone live without fear? How do you live in a state of love despite judgment? Is love just the absence of fear? Let’s uncover these questions one by one.

Key Takeaways:

• Enlightenment is constantly choosing to live in a state of love and not in a state of fear.
• You are enough as yourself in this moment. 
• Beware of your fears.

Episode Quotes:

On living without fear

Sean: It’s a constant practice. Every time I get frustrated, it's an opportunity to evaluate and interrupt myself. I still don't know how to be in a state of love, but what I've been practicing is how to not be in a state of fear.

James: It seems almost like once you get down to the fear and realize that it's something you don't have to worry about, that is actually when the state change into love. Or is there another step there? Eliminating fear is one thing; is living in love just by identifying what your fear is, is that all that is?

If you struggle with being intentional about who you want to stay in touch with, tune in and enjoy the episode. 

Key Takeaways:

• Communication is key in any relationship.
• Even within family, there are misunderstandings.
• Just because you grew up with someone, even if you're blood-related, doesn't mean you have a given relationship to hold onto. You still have to work on it. 

Episode Quotes: 

What is communication debt?

Sean: This is a theme that I am very passionate about. We kind of just assume our parents and family know what we're up to, or know what we're thinking. Or they assume that we know what they're thinking and what they're up to, what they're going through. And the reality is we don't. And so, it's even more important to communicate more with family so that know exactly what you're thinking and what you're going through. Because when you don't, then just like any friendship, it creates distance, it creates an information gap where there's an immense amount of room for misunderstanding. 

"Investing" in relationships

James: I think at some point, you no longer have to deposit into that fund, especially if you feel that there's gonna be no return. The reason why I say this is because there are definitely people that I no longer try to keep in touch with anymore because after some time you just realize that they don't want to be part of the relationship. It's a choice that you make at some point where you'll invest elsewhere. Your time is limited.

Managing your expectations when trying to build relationships/communicate with new or old people in your life

James: For anyone that is in a place where they're struggling with some relationship or trying to either revamp one or bring one to light or to make a new one or to reach out to a friend that you haven't reached out to in a while, I think, one, you just have to expect that you can get nothing in return because that is the worst outcome. And then the best outcome would be that they reply and they give back. But you can't expect that. And who is receiving your effort just changes over time.

Sean shares about his first personal annual update to his close friends and how he turns some struggles as a parent into a practice of gratitude. 

They talk through their different points of view on patience and trust, and how trust is foundational to a lot of things that we do in life.

Side note from Sean and James: We decided to drop “Startup” in our title and just go with “The Struggles.” Our topics have grown to include more than just the difficulties of a startup, and we thought this title was more fitting!

Key Takeaways:

• The challenge in parenting is not the child. The child is just being the child. 
• Patience depends on trust.

Episode Quotes:

Sean on patience and trust in relation to anxiety

A lot of times with a lot of things that we experience in life, the whole basis of anxiety is that you don't feel patient. We don't have the patience to see it out. To let the fears play out. And we don't have the patience because we don't trust the process. We don't trust that things are gonna be fine.

James on having patience and trusting the process

Having patience means that you are trusting that you'll eventually get to where you need to get to. It does mean that you have to be putting in the work. And it might take much longer than you actually ever thought with adjustments that you have to make, lessons that you learn every single day, and changing your process slightly to be more effective and efficient.

In this episode, James and Sean catch up on what happened last week and review how they did on their weekly goals. They discuss contentment in their day-to-day activities and Sean gives the latest update about Clever.

Key Takeaway

• Shift your perspective and find contentment by zooming out instead of zooming in.
• The path to success is paved with failures.
• Success is not about what you get done today. Success is what you do slowly, little by little, every single day. 

Episode Quotes:

Sean on having the right perspective when doing comparisons

You can't not compare, but you can also choose what to compare and what to compare it to. It's really about trying to find the right perspective. I think that's a muscle to exercise mentally. 

Sean on why people don't get to reach their yearly goals

People tend to overestimate what they can accomplish in a day and underestimate what they can accomplish in a year. That's the anxiety that I feel like a lot of people these days live with. They feel like they need to get so much done in a day, but then that anxiety ends up being detrimental. They don't end up getting that much done in a year because they're just paralyzed every single day.

James on how to build the habit of finishing tasks

I think the idea for creating a habit, or even creating a task for you to take care of, is that the task should feel so simple you know exactly what to do. It needs to be way more specific and action-oriented and you should be able to take that action without having to think about it. 

They talk about why this can be difficult and some ways to work around it like prioritizing. 

Taking all the essential stuff out, if you only had one hour of free time just for yourself, what would you do? 

Key Takeaways:

• Priority should be a singular word.
• Trying to accomplish too much creates a large barrier where you don't even wanna start. Start with just one thing that you want to accomplish in a set duration of time. 

Episode Quotes:

On picking only one thing to prioritize

Sean: With a limited time, you honestly should just pick one to work on. It's been really helpful for me to do that. I feel a lot less stressed and happier about it because I'm able to just improve one thing at a time.

How does someone choose what they're prioritizing?

Sean: I think it shows by your actions. What do you keep doing of all the things that you listed, right? What are you consistently doing? Even two or three days out of the week and then just stick to that for now. 

James: I think what you could do, if you're struggling with a paradox of choice and having way too much to do you don't feel like you can get to all of it, maybe practice picking something for your mind, picking something for your body, and picking something for your soul.

It's the beginning of the year, and maybe you’re already behind on your new year’s resolution and feeling dissatisfied. Listen to Sean and James talk about their own dissatisfactions and how they work with these feelings.

Key Takeaways:

• Comparison can cause dissatisfaction. Be intentional about what you're comparing in life. 
• Actively choose what you want to be dissatisfied about and work on it.

Episode Quotes:

James on satisfaction

No matter what I surrounded myself with, if I was not satisfied with myself and how I am now, nothing would change that. It all comes down to kind of a mindset. You have to be satisfied with where you are now.

Sean on accepting this moment in time

When we accept something, we're just accepting the “here and now”. We're not accepting “here and now” in the future. I think the common misconception is that our acceptance seals our fate.

Although they both don't like it, they agree it is a helpful tool. They talk about routines and how we can change the new resolutions to work for us and how to have more grace for ourselves.

Key Takeaways:

• New year resolutions need to start with the right mindset and expectations.
• Resolutions can be large or small, each with its own unique approach towards accomplishment.
• Resolutions can start any day of the year.

Episode Quotes:

James on starting now

It sounds like a great idea. Fresh start gives you something to look forward to, work towards, but it's a constructed time. If you really want to achieve something or if you really want to change your life or anything, you can start now. It doesn't matter at what point of the year it is. 

Sean on no better day than today

What bothers me about it is like, well, if you think you can delay changing, then you'll always think you can delay changing. You start the resolution, you're like, you know what? I don't feel like it this month. I'm gonna change next month. You can always procrastinate change, and I think that's what New Year's resolution bugs me the most, this perpetual procrastination delay of change. It instills this idea that you don't have to change yet if you don't want to. Obviously, you don't have to change if you don't want to, but if you really want to make a change though there's no better day to start than today.

James and Sean discuss this question from one listener (thanks for asking!). They chat about some possible reasons and provide tips on bringing back the holiday feels that made it special as a child.

P.S. from Sean and James

This is our 50th episode, a big milestone for us! Thank you to our team that made each episode happen and to you, our dear listener, for tuning in, lending us an ear. You have kept us accountable and we appreciate you. Happy Holidays!

Key Takeaways:

• You create your own traditions. If you don't find the holidays as exciting anymore and traditions have been lost from your childhood, you have the ability to recreate them. It can be with your community or just family.
• Traditions are yours to make and can begin in one moment. It doesn’t have to be a grand event. It can start small.

Episode Quotes:

Sean on why holidays are memorable

I think that's the key word there—memorable. What's memorable isn't the gifts. It's the time spent with other people. It's creating memories with people, right? 

James on accountability - hitting the 50th episode

I think it's easier to hit this number because it's once a week, but more importantly, there's accountability. We rely on each other to be here week after week. And yeah, sometimes one of us will be busy, or we can't do it, or we forget, or something comes up. But in the end, it is much easier to build a habit to continue persevering when there's someone else that's doing that with you.

Sean and James talk about how routines may seem mundane but are useful and needed in our daily lives. They discus how it's important to differentiate between maintenance and growth-oriented routines and why you can't always rely on external factors to push you to do your daily tasks. 

Key Takeaways:

• Life can be a double edged sword. Everything can have two different views.
• You can build and develop that hit of serotonin in doing routines.
• Excitement is just one motivator for routines. Resilience and grit are other tools to harness.
• Rely on internal factors, not external.

Episode Quotes:

James on the danger of looking for excitement or something new in our day-to-day

It's not about making your ordinary extraordinary or making mundane fun. I think it’s a matter of being somewhat okay with the mundane. Everyone thinks you have to make something exciting to do something, right? It's like we need that serotonin hit to get excited, get motivated to do something. But if you're always searching for that feeling of it being exciting, I feel that's where we always fight our routines. If we always want something new, and that's what we're searching for, we're never going to be okay with routine. 

Sean on not relying on external factors to do routines

If you heavily rely on external things to incentivize you or push you to do your routines or habits, it will work but not for long. It has to be internally driven and internally motivated.

Key Takeaways:

• The digital world is a double edged sword; it’s made it easy and difficult to stay connected.
• Having a tribe to socialize with can make a positive impact to your mental health.
• Finding community requires action.

Episode Quotes:

James on the impact of false projections onto your friends

I think a lot of our insecurities, we project onto what other people think about us. That's like what imposter syndrome is. It’s not exactly related, but there is something there where you're insecure about what you're doing, you're insecure about how you’re acting and maybe a choice that you make or an opinion that you have is going to create some concerns. Maybe some people are going to judge you differently. And so, you're projecting those judgments onto what other people might think of you. And with a close group of friends, that judgment or that concern, at some point, once you come to an understanding of each other, it kind of goes away. And so, it doesn't matter when you last call or if you call for no reason.

Sean on the effect of socializing less

Going back to talking about the pandemic, about gaming or the hobbies that we have, the whole point of all these things and what we were doing in our twenties was socializing. And I feel like as we get older, we potentially tend to socialize less. How does that affect our wellbeing and mental health and whatnots? I'm starting to realize, at least for me, there's a toll. 

Fear of being a parent, friend, not being enough.

Sean has been going through these this week, and he and James talk about what drives them and why we shouldn’t let it get the best of us.

They discuss an exercise of writing down fears and anxieties to see them in a light of love, which is what Sean has been doing to overcome them.

Key Takeaways:

• The fear of loss can come with ownership.
• The fear of failure drives us to act out of fear.
• Do not project your fears onto your children.
• Fear can cause us to be impatient. Be kind and patient with yourself. You're fine the way you are.

Episode Quotes:

Sean on acting out of love as a parent

You put yourself in the shoes of your children and really pay attention to their needs, and respect them. Respect that they're intelligent enough to let you know versus living in fear that you know better than them.

James on responding to fear

You can be afraid of something, so you run away from it, or you can be afraid of something, so you fight.

Sean's tip on how to deal with fear and anxiety

If you find yourself living in anxiety or just, you know, in a state of suffering, take a look at your fears and think about how you can act out of love for the people around you and for yourself. Find ways to find compassion. A lot of our fears will come to pass. 

Sean thinks that having too much is just going to make your life worse. James, on the other hand, thinks it can improve your life for the better, especially if you are smart about having it. 

Listen as the two debate what huge money can do to someone's life and discuss how much money is too much.

Finally, they talk about how money drives our fears and tie that into how we can start living out of love.

Key Takeaways:

• We create a lot of the struggles that happen to us.
• A lot of our struggles are regretting the past or anxiety about the future.
• Our deep desire to want more has a lot to do with comparing ourselves to somebody else.

Episode Quotes:

Sean on having too much money

"Money doesn't make us any happier. You can have money and all the security in the world, and you can still be f****** miserable."

James on how to figure out what's enough for you

"What is your purpose in life? Maybe if you have a very clear focus, you'll end up finding out what is enough for you."

They talk about sports stars and businessmen who went through imposter syndrome and what they did to get out of it.

Listen to this episode to learn how you can deal with imposter syndrome and stop it from hindering your own success.

Key Takeaways:

• If you have only known success without the struggles and failures, will you enjoy it? Will you truly know what it feels like?
• Stop comparing yourself with others because circumstances are different.
• A big part of failure is how you can get out of it. It's a mental challenge to go through failure, to recover and continue doing the work.

Episode Quotes:

James on imposter syndrome

"Everyone goes through this. No matter where you are in your career, there comes a point where you kind of wonder, ‘Am I even doing this right? Am I even successful? Am I good at this job? Am I good at this hobby?’ It can sneak up on you in any way. Whether you're a founder, or even just an employee somewhere working on your own thing. There's always that moment in time where you begin to have self-doubt."

Sean on why imposter syndrome is not a bad thing

“It's not necessarily a bad thing to feel imposter syndrome. You have to be comparing yourself to somebody. The comparison in the beginning is helpful because then it helps you create a benchmark or a goal or whatnot, to say, ‘Oh, this is where I would like to be.’ But I think where it becomes destructive is when we become obsessed about comparing ourselves to that person versus comparing to ourselves like, ‘How am I benchmarking myself towards my personal path, my personal growth?’ And I think maybe the reason it's harder now, when I think about it, is it's much easier to look at somebody else and benchmark, than to benchmark yourself. It's really hard to see yourself and see change.”

James has taken a break from writing, and falls into an old habit of watching tons of sports, which he thinks comes from his addiction to easy access to entertainment. They talk about the concept of unwinding and what it means for both of them.

On the other hand, Sean is learning new things from Miles who is going through the “terrible twos” stage. Why does it have to be called “terrible” when it is a normal stage of development for kids? Sean thinks it sets the wrong mindset, and does his best to navigate it.

Plus, listen to a few snippets of Sean and James trying to record while playing golf. It was fun playing together but recording at the same time was a bad idea!

Key Takeaways:

• Some things may be relatively free, but the actual cost is our attention.
• Focus on creating new memories.
• There’s a time and place to build routines and discipline with children.

Episode Quotes:

James on addiction to anything

“We do have the ability, the mental capacity to stop. We want to stop, we can stop. We have the will.”

Sean on unwinding

“When we have a big change in our life, we're not very intentional about how we unwind within the new routine.”

They get deeper into why kids, and even adults, throw tantrums, how they deal with them, and the reality that everything in life comes and goes.

Key Takeaways:

• The biggest challenge as parents isn't dealing with kids' tantrums but rather how to handle them properly.
• Showing compassion doesn't mean you try to end the other person's suffering. You don't have a right to end their suffering.
• Never hold on too tight to anything, especially feelings. Everything comes and goes. 

Episode Quotes:

James on the realities of life

"Some weeks, the waves are gentle and awesome and sunny and bright and perfect. Some they're just storms. And then, every once in a while, there's a rogue wave or hurricane."

Key Takeaways:

• Building relationships and having a community is essential 
• Purpose is never given or found. You have to create it. 
• Bonds are created through experiences and time. It doesn't happen just because you're related by blood.
• You can't expect a relationship to bud on its own. You have to put the effort into it.
• Be intentional in whatever you do.

Key Takeaways:

• It is not a natural instinct to feel guilty.
• Guilt is all internal. Nobody can make you feel guilty.
• A lot of guilt is also learning to be self-forgiving.

Episode Quotes:

James on going through life's ups and downs

"You'll have good weeks. You'll have bad weeks. But it's not what you do on the good weeks, but it's more what you do on the bad weeks. How you stick with your process, stick with the same kind of good habits that you're setting, and trying to set yourself up for success. And it's not always gonna look like a straight growing linear line. It's always gonna be curvy with the ups and downs, and you just gotta get through the downs just as much you gotta get through the ups."

Sean on how priorities create a lot of unnecessary guilt

"We've turned everything into a priority. I think that also creates a lot of unnecessary guilt because, you know, I'd feel like, “I should have done this. I should have done that. I need to do this. I need to do that.” It's like, no, you don't. What do you actually need to do? Priority should be a singular word, right? It's like, what is your priority? What are you actually responsible for? And are you getting that done versus feeling you are responsible for every stupid thing? And that's where I'm saying like 99% of the guilt that I feel are the responsibilities I feel like I have. What are my real responsibilities?"

They give some personal examples of the things they've been saying no to and tell us how they overcome the fear of saying no (you can do it, too!), which is associated with different things they may or may not want to do.

Key Takeaways:

• Doing a few small things every day may seem not much, but it is the only way you can grow consistently.
• It is easy to get distracted with so many different things to do that you don't know where to start. Start with what you want to do, not what others want you to do.
• Stay out of autopilot and check in because you have that power, and you have to, for your well-being. You have that obligation to say no to things and not be afraid of FOMO or self-guilt.

Episode Quotes:

James on the need to make time for the things you really want to do

"It is very interesting to think about how you only make time for the things you really want to do in life. But sometimes, the things you really want to do get pushed away, and there's never time to put that in. But you need to make the time. You have to make the time for whatever you want to do. Even for chores. I think this happens a lot, right? There's a lot of chores that you have to take care of, but you just never have time to do it. And it's not that there isn't enough time. You're just choosing to deprioritize it. To lower it and use that almost as an excuse saying, I don't have enough time to do it."

Sean on evaluating priorities

"That's something worth thinking about. Am I conscious of my priorities? Because yeah, there are so many things tugging at us every day. What isn't important? Is my family less important than my hobbies, or work, or vice versa? No, absolutely not. But there are only a few things that I can do."

Sean on exploring the things you say no to

"It would be really interesting (to explore what we're saying no to). And I say that because the advice you always hear is your important life decisions aren't what you say yes to, it's what you say no to, supposedly. And I think what isn't followed up with that advice is the consequences of saying no; the mental or the social consequences sometimes of saying no. I don't think it's explored enough because that's what actually holds people back from saying no.”

We also discuss the concept of a five-day workweek, and lessons from life to take small steps towards bigger goals.

Key Takeaways:

• To get back on track after feeling burnt out, tackle smaller tasks first and move your way up.
• Procrastination is not laziness. It's a coping mechanism. 

Episode Quotes:

James' take on mental capacity

"It's like using a battery to 0% every single time and then charging it to 120% hoping to get more output when really it just dies. Maybe that's a way that we think about our mental capacity. We can never go to 0%, and we shouldn't be charging over a hundred percent."

Sean on tackling smaller things when doing big projects

"I've always had this pie in the sky kind of idea to either go big or go home. Going back to what we just described of tackling smaller things, I've never thought of where it's like, just focus on something you're passionate about. Focus on something that like really works. I think that was a problem I had."

Key Takeaways:

• If you're trying to maximize your productivity, you should plan your day to your circadian rhythm.
• Constantly reevaluate and think about why you're doing what you're doing, see if it makes sense, and make adjustments along the way.

Show Links:

• Snow Crash by Neal Stephenson
• Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card

First, Sean and James talk about the new addition to Sean's family, a daughter, and the struggles he face now that he is a parent again. They talk a little bit about James and how he's prioritizing his life around his new job. Lastly, they spoke of being present and how to be less polarizing.

Key Takeaways:

• Familiarity can bring up more anxiety because you know what to expect.
• Save your attention for things that you can do something about.

Episode Quotes:

James on how to prioritize

"You have to learn to say no to a lot more things. And everything you agree to do should be a yes."

What Sean thinks about letting things you can't control get to you

"Anything in life, taken to the extreme unless you do something about it, can become a waste of energy and attention. Find something else to attach yourself to and focus on things within your control."

Sean on focusing our energy on what we can do

"I realized we all have our own limitations. We all have our own interests. There are certain issues that I care about, but I'm not going to go stop everything I'm doing and fight for this thing right now. And I don't feel shameful about that. 

I think there are certain things that I am equipped to do to help change the world and make it a better place. We all have our own skill sets and roles, and the key is recognizing that and focusing your energy on what you can do to make the world a better place."

James is pretty busy with his new job, and in this episode, he shared the struggles he is experiencing in his new sales role, trying to find the right work/life balance, including finding the best time to record new episodes with Sean. The good news is he is learning new skills and improving!

Sean then talked more about the book, Radical Acceptance. He shared a few techniques for forgiving ourselves for past mistakes so we can move on with our lives, which he applied in real life. And he felt fantastic afterward. You should try it, too!

Key Takeaways:

• Sales provides immediate feedback that will help you improve your skills and performance.
• Correcting a mistake and moving on is difficult if you don't forgive yourself.

Episode Quotes:

James on the importance of clear communication in sales

"I always thought sales was influence and persuasion. But I actually think it's simpler than that. It is just clear communication. And it's not that you're trying to influence or persuade someone. I mean, partially you are, but it's more about being very direct and honest about what you have, what your intentions are, and what the outcome could be."

Sean on forgiving yourself and moving on

"It's really important to forgive yourself and be aware of it because otherwise, it's really difficult to correct a mistake, apologize, and move on. And this idea of practicing forgiveness obviously has to start with you."

Sean talks about his own fears, those he spent time sitting with, and how he realized that fear is not really bad and that extreme fear can actually promote growth.

Finally, they talked about how emotions play in responding and reacting to situations.

Key Takeaways:

• Do not let the what-ifs and the fears stop you from trying different things. If you do, you'll never know.
• The only way to be good at something is by being bad at it first.
• Most of us are so risk averse that we're mostly afraid to take very calculated, low-risk decisions.
• There are times when you're gonna make mistakes and it's okay. It's not the end of the world.
• You always will have this agency to choose how you react to your emotions.

Episode Quotes:

On failures and successes

[00:12:28] Sean: We see failures as setbacks, but they're not bad at all. They're actually the way forward.

[00:12:39] James: I think all success is underlined and paved through failure. No one has a success story without failing at some point.

James on emotions and reactions

[00:15:14] There are no good or bad emotions. They are just emotions. We have negative reactions to emotions. We have positive reactions to emotions. 

On reacting/responding to situations

[00:17:01] Sean: If you see something happening, if you feel something, if you experience something, just recognizing that you have agency, that you have the ability to respond, the ability to make some choices and decisions. Again, it doesn't mean you have to act.

[00:24:56] James: There are some days where you can react well and other days where you won't be able to react as well as you want, but you just keep going, and you kind of learn from that. You never expect yourself to be perfect in how you behave and perfect in how you react.

Sean is finding ways to apply what he has learned in real life and shares why he thinks life struggles aren't necessarily a bad thing.

James says it is easier to accept life struggles when we know that challenges will be present daily. 

They also talked about normalizing feeling negative emotions, why desire is very natural, and why reading a book doesn't mean you have to apply that knowledge immediately to your life. 

Key Takeaways:

• Shifting your mindset will help you accept life struggles easier.
• The sooner we realize that we will never stop having fears or feeling frustrated or depressed, the better. Any other negative emotion is natural, so we need to normalize them.
• The key to reading and learning is finding what works for you at that stage in your life.

Episode Quotes:

Sean on life struggles

[00:02:00] Life is a struggle because things are changing every single day. Nothing is static. Everything is dynamic, everything is constantly shifting, and every day is a new day, a new challenge. And that is a beautiful thing. 

James on accepting life's challenges

[00:05:25] No matter how simple the responsibility, it can be tough if you add up a thousand responsibilities. But yeah, challenges are going to be here every single day. And if we can wake up knowing there's going to be a challenge today, it almost makes it easier to get up because you know it'll be there.

Sean on having underlying fears

[00:11:17] You think these things; you have these fears. It's all natural. Don't judge yourself for having these thoughts. You can judge the fear itself, but don't judge yourself. 

On the other hand, Sean had a small win with golf and got back on track with some housework. A little reminder that whatever you do, you're being productive. 

Key Takeaways:

• Sales is everywhere, no matter what you do.
• We should periodically redefine what a win means for us. 

Episode Quotes:

James on learning sales skills

[00:02:20] It would be really interesting to learn this kind of skill very firsthand by going back into the corporate, going back into the 9-5 setting, and understanding that this skill can be applied in every aspect of my life. 

James on starting over from the bottom

[00:03:11] I kind of like that in some way. You're starting something new and you can't jump into higher-level things right away without knowing what it is that you're working on. Starting at the bottom just gives you easy goals to hit and having small wins every single day.

Sean on the reality that nothing is permanent

[00:17:17] The permanence or impermanence of things is something that I think the human mind struggles to understand. 

Listen to James discuss the three steps to starting and finishing a new project. Keep your ears open as Sean shares about the new member of his and Mink's family. You heard it right! With a second baby on the way, Sean shares his insights on having meaningful conversations with friends, family, and colleagues.

Key Takeaways:

• Starting something new means doing it and prioritizing it right from the start of your day. By breaking things down into smaller pieces, you can make the project easier to manage.
• Not because you’ve been together a long-time means your friends, family, and colleagues can read what you’re thinking. It’s always about initiating meaningful, and deep conversations.

Episode Quotes:

James’ Three Steps to Starting a New Project

James [00:03:36]: The three steps I started using about a month ago were: one just to start it, two, to prioritize it, and three, to complete it. And what I mean by the first step is when I say, “I'm going to do it tomorrow”, I take five minutes, right? Then just to start it, whatever it is. I think having that first step of just starting it, even if it's just for five minutes, allows me to get over, and start. And then the next day I can jump right into it. And then the second thing is I make sure that it's the first thing that I do. For me, I try doing it like right in the morning. So either as soon as I get up or as soon as I finish my morning routine, it's the first thing that I do. Then the third thing is that I just make sure I finish it.

Tips from a Parent on Treating their Adult Children

Sean [00:25:24]: I think the more you communicate, the better you have an understanding of who they are. And the more you'll be able to disassociate from them being kids. I think that's the one thing my parents have done is that, I communicate with them a lot. I call them a lot, and they talk to me like an adult. They talk to me like a friend, not like their son, basically.

Show Links: 

Tara Brach’s Radical Acceptance

How do you learn to embrace all of these realities? This week, it’s all about the paradox of acceptance and change. James and Sean discuss chapter two of Tara Brach's Radical Acceptance. What has golf got to do with it? Listen to the full episode to find out!  

Key Takeaways:

• Radical Acceptance is about knowing and understanding the things you’re okay with in the different dimensions of your life—including your current realities and weaknesses.
• It’s not easy to accept all of these dimensions. There are different elements in our lives that require our acceptance. To do this, break it down into smaller pieces and decide which ones you’re okay with and which ones you’re willing to change.

Episode Quotes:

Accept yourself is necessary to move forward

James [00:04:48]: And it was only after this process of being okay with myself as I am now that I realize that you can build on top of that. Before, I was never okay with this. I was never okay with who I've become. I hated myself. I had very low self-worth of myself. And it was only when I started to value how far I've come and what I've become, then something in my head clicked. It was like, “Oh, this is okay. I can go forward from here”. And it's all about being able to move forward.

What radical acceptance is and is not

Sean [00:12:35]: Radical acceptance is not resignation. Radical acceptance does not mean defining ourselves by our limitations. It is not an excuse for withdrawal, and radical acceptance is not self-indulgence. Radical acceptance does not make us passive.

Beating procrastination means breaking down the challenge into smaller pieces

Sean [00:25:23]: And so the strategy was always to recognize and have awareness. That's an emotional response to procrastination, and we really want to try to tackle it. Then you have to break it down into a bite-sized chunk until it’s a bite-sized piece. Meaning, like what is one step, or what is that first bite that I can actually just put into my mouth and fit into my mouth and just take that bite? And that's how you break procrastination. 

Show Links: 

Tara Brach’s Radical Acceptance

Key Takeaways:

• Our society is designed to encourage comparison and competition, instead of focusing on improving yourself.
• It’s a challenge to stay true to yourself when you keep comparing yourself to others. 
• Staying true to yourself is more important than fitting it.

Episode Quotes:

Do not benchmark your success against other people’s success

Sean [00:06:23]: What we end up doing is we start looking at other people to try to define success for us. And it's like, “Oh, well, this person went and got their MBA, and they look successful. So maybe I should get my MBA. Well, I got my freaking MBA.” And I still don't feel successful, you know? “Oh, that person has that title. Oh, you know, let me go get that title.” And it's like, you still don't feel successful. So that’s something you have to find for yourself.

Stay true to yourself

James [00:09:52]: I think the more that you try to fit into a group, the more you become someone else. And sometimes, once that mask is removed, for some reason, you don't feel like you fit in because you're not being true to yourself.

Forget your own path, so you don’t have to live within other people’s standards

James [00:23:23]: If you don't decide on your own what you want to grow to be, you will just float through life, leaning towards what other people expect you to become. And that's when it becomes more difficult to be yourself, to be comfortable with yourself.

Show Links: 

• Tara Brach’s Radical Acceptance
• Greenlights Matthew McConaughey's memoir

The two jump back into where they left off from last week’s session on self-worth. Finally, they tackle struggles with trying to find value within our everyday lives. Listen until the end as they start the weekly discussion on Tara Brach’s book! Check the link down below.

Key Takeaways:

• There’s no need to have others validate and acknowledge your struggles.
• Don’t allow guilt to prevent you from ending toxic relationships. 
• Let the people around you help you with your struggles.

Episode Quotes:

Do not let guilt prevent you from leaving toxic relationships

James [00:15:59]: I had a lot of toxic relationships, and it took me a while to understand that I have to let this go. And yeah, it wouldn't have happened with really just having to sit down and figure out why I was like this and almost accept that it was okay to be like this. I think that was a big problem too. And then going back to the shame you feel ashamed and that is, it's just like guilt.

Let your loved ones and friends help you

Sean [00:19:54]: I don't think that's fair, either. Like, dude, people can handle it. And I think people want to handle it because it gives them a sense of contribution, it actually makes them feel stronger too. I feel like I am able to help you.

Reach Sean and James: 

Sean Li on Twitter: @heymrli

James Park on Twitter: @jswpark 

James Park Official Website

James Park email: hello@jswpark.com

Show Links: 

• Tara Brach’s Radical Acceptance
• Reid Hoffman’s The Startup of You

Key Takeaways:

• When one person talks about their struggles, it inspires others to do the same.
• You can find success by finding value in what you do. Success isn't all about climbing corporate ladders or chasing financial gains.
• Despite the financial value business or work brings, finding your personal value isn't always determined by your income.

Episode Quotes:

Why Sean and James started the podcast

Sean [00:13:05]: I think having these conversations, recording it, sharing with people openly; the other I hope for anybody listening, that might be going through something similar, just might be, you know, a stage in their life is that we remove the stigma of talking about it.

A different way to define success

James [00:28:26]: I think, it just took me 15 years to find out that I don't want to climb the corporate ladder just for the sake of climbing that ladder. I don't want to climb that just for the salary. I don't want to climb it just for the title. I want to climb it for very different reasons. I want to be part of a company for very different things. And that's just what I'm understanding right now. And yeah, maybe I do climb the ladder later on, but it will be for very different reasons.

Happiness, battling depression, and going out of your comfort zone

James [00:29:27]: I don't know who says this, but I really think happiness is created by, like how purpose is not found. It's built. Your own happiness is built, and you have to find out and take the second to go in that direction. And a lot of people who might be depressed are depressed because you almost feel like you have no faith that you can get out of this. And you are repeating the same things, even though you want to get out. You're stuck in a loop of doing the same thing over and over again because that's what feels comfortable. But you got to go towards uncomfortable to get out of that.

Reach Sean and James: 

Sean Li on Twitter: @heymrli

James Park on Twitter: @jswpark 

James Park Official Website

James Park Email: hello@jswpark.com

Key Takeaways:

• Struggles lessen when you realize your priorities in life. Having a profound understanding will help you rethink your goals and define how you view success.
• When your priorities change, your expectations of yourself should also change. Sometimes, the struggle comes from unrealistic expectations we set for ourselves.
• We often have an unhealthy relationship with money. We tend to associate work with income. In reality. Work like research, development, and learning really equate to money, yet these contribute to growth and planning.
• The lack of focus and doing so many things at the same time limits your chance to fail. Failures allow you to learn and pivot. 

Episode Quotes:

The unhealthy relationship between work and money

James [00:13:56]: Maybe, this all stems from having, why don't we try to say it? Our relationship with work, for us, is how we grow up. It is defined by, is linked to income. And in a world where you need income to do whatever you do. For that source of money becomes work until you're in a place where you have enough money, not to worry about having to make more money. And so, maybe, a lot of us put worth or like our self-worth on how much we make. When we think about how much progress we are making or how much impact we're making, it's tied to money, and it's tied to having to always do something for money. Maybe that's an unhealthy relationship.

The lack of focus lessens the chance for learning and doing a deep dive

Sean [00:20:26]: It just made me realize, I mean, this is hindsight bias, obviously. But I think the mistake I've been making is that there's been this overarching fear that, like, we don't have enough time and because we don’t have enough time, we can just run one experiment at a time. We need to be running like five, ten (10). And that causes (a) lack of focus and (b) you can't go deep. Right? And, I don't get much learning, actually. When we fail because when one experiment fails, I have four others I need to manage and run. It's like, I don't really have time to figure out what happened with the first experiment.

Key Takeaways:

• Having a culture of instant gratification affects how we look at our life's timelines and goals.  
• Our education system and culture seem to be designed so that you’re always supposed to have a timeline and move to the next level.
• There are projects where the 2-week rule, diving right into it, is applicable, and there are ones where we’re meant to start small—building a healthy lifestyle.

Episode Quotes:

How instant gratification is affecting our perception of life’s timelines

Sean [00:12:57]: But in many ways, I've noticed I'm also very impatient, and in some of these stem from how I know I've very terrible consumption habits. Like, if I want something, get it now. I don't know that. It's like builds from our, society and culture, and materialism today. It's like Amazon one day. Like, dude, I can't imagine what life is like without one-day shipping.

Prioritizing health helps in becoming better leaders

James [00:15:03]: What we are trying to do is to get to somewhere else because we’re unsatisfied with where we are now. That's only trained through school; through this education system of how we are trained to learn. It's like we learn this stuff to get good grades to go to the next thing. And it's just like pushing, always, to the next thing, get done with grade school, get done with college. Get done with finding a job and getting a promotion. It's always like the next thing. And somewhere in that whole mess of things, we've forgotten what it's like to actually enjoy and be satisfied with where we are now.

The two-week rule

Sean [00:23:06]: So the two-week rule, how does this work? You basically just do something. You start something. But you just f****** go hard for two weeks. You go hard for two weeks and give it a real shot. You'll know very quickly whether or not you want to continue doing this, and not because you're a failure. This is the emotional aspect of the first two weeks, and this is very important, that after all, you can do anything, you can make any kind of change, embrace any kind of routine for two weeks.

Show Links:

One Hundred Years of Solitude

The Courage to be Happy

How to Use the Two-Week Rule to Become Remarkably Successful (and Optimize your Bucket List)

Key Takeaways:

• Start small on problems you want to solve, and focus on the kind of work that gives you the most satisfaction.
•  Don’t neglect your health. Make sure you’re strong mentally, emotionally, and physically. Take therapy if you need one. Hire a coach if it can help make you healthier.
• Try a different approach and give yourself a time limit to try out the things you always want to do. If it doesn’t work, move on to other things.

Episode Quotes:

A different approach to finding purpose in life: focus on one problem first

James [00:10:48]: So, my takeaway from this is that a lot of times, we all look for purpose because we want it to be such a big part of our lives. But it begins with a tiny thing— a tiny task that you can repeatedly do, and then it becomes your purpose.

Prioritizing health helps in becoming better leaders

Sean [00:20:26]: I became a workaholic because I felt like, as a CEO, I needed to set the example, which is: to be hardworking, be diligent, and think ahead. Push yourself to grow and all these things, but at the same time, part of our culture is mental health and being healthy; taking care of yourself. And, I am the last person doing that… We implemented a wellness plan for everybody where we pay for a personal coach, a dietician, and a coach. I think it's twice, at least twice a week, for every team member.

Help find your purpose faster: give yourself a timeline

James [00:32:09]: Start to ask yourself, “What do I want a little bit more? In the next 30 days, what can I do”? And I think that shortened timeline puts you in a different mental place to go into action and put yourself into movement.

Show Links:

Love, Death & Robots

Key Takeaways:

• The hardest part of working post-pandemic is letting go of the guilt when taking a break. Our work-from-home set-up has become so integrated that it is now hard to separate work from life.
• Intangible works affect us. Thinking about what we’re going to do next also adds up to the stress.
• You can unwind by staying curious outside of work and exploring new interests. This allows your brain to focus on something else, including the things that stress you. 
• Be intentional about rest. Put aside time for taking a break, so your brain can disconnect. 

Episode Quotes:

Work and personal lives are blurred by our pandemic work habits 

Sean [00:09:52]: Feeling offended when someone questions why you can't take a break, right? Like something is definitely off-balance. So when I started actually like digging into it a little bit and questioning myself, or reflecting on that, I realize, you know, a lot of it had to do with, I think just, the nature of the pandemic. I started both ventures and clever during the pandemic and built my work habits all around that. And my work habits said the ball just to be working all the time because,  well, I'm at home. I wake up, go to my desk, and that is work. There is no separation of anything between work and life.

Hobbies and interests outside of work help you disconnect and de-stress

James [00:11:28]: I've gone through this idea that the way we can unwind is actually by staying curious. And that's why hobbies, I think, are extremely important. Just because having a hobby, having something to learn outside of work, gives your mind a way to disconnect from a big part of what it does all day. But at the same time, still, be able to grow and still be able to cognitively be improving and working on itself. It sounds weird to say that you have to go learn something to give your mind a break, but I feel like one of the ways to disconnect them.

Intentionally set aside time for taking a break

Sean [00:13:06]: And the crazy thing is, I have to be intentional about planning those things back into myself. It takes a lot of work to hang out, to plan a day, and then like, ‘Let's try somewhere’. Right? To be intentional about making time to hang out with friends.

Show Links:

Learn about Bell’s Palsy

Key Takeaways:

As they come back from their two-week break, they need to face new challenges and mainly have to ask tough questions that will decide and drive their future. According to a recent survey, more than 80% of workers fear difficult conversations at work. Sean and James share some tips on how to handle these conversations:

• Tackling problems that may be crucial in the survival and success of the team.
• Filtering and finding out highly specific audiences you want to reach. 
• Letting go of people to build a company that can thrive and maintain trust as you do so. 

Episode Quotes:

How having difficult discussions now can help teams survive and succeed

Sean [00:07:47]: I'm really proud that's as a young company, we were able to, not only be decisive but, be aligned on making this difficult decision early on versus dragging it out, to later. Like deferring it and saying, ‘Well, let's deal with it later’. And it's like, ‘No, let's have this difficult conversation now, as early as possible. So, that we can give ourselves and the team the best chance for success and survival. Survival then success.

How being uncomfortably specific will help you find the right path

James [00:11:26]: You have to be really, uncomfortably specific, and that's when you find product-market fit. The way that you're talking about Clever FM just reminded me about even my writing and just how uncomfortably specific you need to be first; to find out whether you're on the right path or not, and all the different ways that you write or all the different things that you write about. You're just looking for a fit between what you like to do, what you like to write about, and what the audience actually wants to hear and what they get out of it.

How letting go of some people to move forward can be handled with great care

Sean [00:13:12]: When these decisions happen, and they're finalized, first communicate it with your internal team, the team that's staying behind so that they're not shocked. And then the following day then communicate it with the people who are unfortunately leaving. Then do an all-hands meeting afterward with the remaining team. The day before it was all individual conversations and then having all hands and communicate: what are we doing, why are we doing this, what it looks like going forward? Explaining that yes, there is some trust that has been broken; that eroded from this experience and there's a lot of trust-building that we have to do again. To build that trust back up with a team because it’s a huge shock to the company, in many ways.

Show Links:

James’ Twitter thread on writing process

Key Takeaways: 

James and Sean discuss the role of feedback and commitment to beat the learning curve.

• Doing something constantly helps you beat the learning curve.
• Accountability is important in following through with your commitments.
• Trying things you've always wanted to do helps you figure out if you really want it.
• Making time to strategize is equally important as implementing current strategies.

Episode Quotes:

How does doing something consistently help you beat the learning curve?

Sean [00:09:21]: I only thought about it from a persistence perspective. It taught me that if I just continued doing something every single day, I'll get better. But as to why and how I was getting better, I didn't really think about it until just now. And then I was okay putting out like this amazing piece of work the first day, the first 10 days, the first 20 days. But then, as you're slowly starting to put the repetitions in solar tilt, learning an instrument, there's this hockey stick curve of growth. And there's like, “boom”. All of a sudden, you're putting out really cool stuff.

How accountability helps you follow through to your commitment

Sean [00:10:11]: I think accountability helps, ‘cause at that time, my buddy, who is like a professional YouTuber now, was the one that inspired me and pushed me to do it. And he was my accountability buddy on that because he was doing one every single day.

Trying things you've always wanted to do helps you figure out if you really want it

James [00:19:50]: I think even doing that video challenge, what you pushed yourself to do is something different. You took action. And you realize after a certain amount of time that, “Hey, I really like this, but this isn't it for me”. I don't want to make this a professional career, and I’m not saying that everything that you do has to become some kind of profession, but it really depends on where you want this to go.

Making time to strategize is equally important as implementing current strategies

James [00:26:08]: So it's just this constant tussle. Do we stay the course or do we quote-unquote pivot or adapt? But if you adapt too much and pivot too much, then you're completely distracted. And so it's, just this constant, emotional roller coaster balance of life. What should we be doing right now? Should we be adapting, tweaking, or should it be staying on course? Honestly, nobody can give you that answer, except for yourself. And you have no time to figure it out sometimes, but you have to make time for it at the same time.

Show Links:

• Sean’s first Youtube video
• Sean trying to use fancy shots in his videos
• Sean helping his trainer: Glute Squad and Beach Cargo
• Behind-the-scene (BTS) videos
• Farnam Street: First Principles
• Ship 30 for 30
• How many words should books and novels have?

Key Takeaways: 

It's normal to feel frustrated, anxious, and even depressed when we're pursuing our goals. But don't let those feelings linger for too long, as they will only hold you back from making progress. Taking steps forward can be challenging at first, but if you work on yourself every day, success is within your reach. Don't let negative emotions hold you back from becoming a better version of yourself — a wiser, more responsible, and more mature individual who can pursue passions without fear or self-doubt.

• Venting out can release stress and emotions that we feel pent-up inside. It helps us clear our clouded minds, which in turn gives us a better perspective on life's challenges.
• Surrounding yourself with people can help produce positive energy. Find your community, whether it’s online or in-person; these people can lift youtube during tough times.
• Procrastinating can actually serve as an opportunity for us to make the right choice. When we put off tasks and projects because they make us feel anxious or overwhelmed with worry over what could go wrong - this gives our brain time needed in order to gather all relevant information before deciding on how best to move forward.

Episode Quotes:

Release the Past, Plan For The Future, and Live In the Present Moment

James [00:04:41]: This present moment is the only time that we truly exist, and yet our minds switch from either being in the past or hoping for a better future, almost just instantly, and it mixes it. And that's what the present really is. And so, our way of being in the present is trying to release the past and not think so much about the future and being able to do things right now. Making an impact now and staying in the present and enjoying what so many people have said enjoying the process, trusting the process. And I realized like that phrase is all about being in the moment, using the time now to plan for a future that you would like to be at, but not identifying so much with it that you feel incomplete without being there. 

Procrastinating Can Be Viewed As A “Thinking Time” To Help You Make The Right Decisions

Sean [00:09:41]: Procrastination time and time again has proven to me that it's giving me a space to think something through. Especially if things are not working, we shouldn't just jump to the next thing. Like we need to think it through as to like potentially why it does not work and how should we change course if this is not working. And that does, from a productivity standpoint, lead to what feels like procrastination when it's like, why don't we just fucking call it “thinking time”. 

Going Through Low Moments Makes Us More Appreciative of Our Wins

Sean [00:45:58]: Procrastination is not bad. Just like depression, depression is not bad. The reality is that you can't experience the highs if you don't have the lows. 

Show Links:

The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment by Eckhart Tolle 

The Present: The Gift That Makes You Happier and More Successful at Work and in Life by Spencer Johnson M.D. 

The Cold Start Problem: How to Start and Scale Network Effects

by Andrew Chen

Key Takeaways: 

As they reflect on the changes in their friendships, James and Sean talk about how they manage their expectations in terms of people with whom they share years of life experiences and interests.

• Human behavior and interests change as they move through different seasons of life, and these changes are inevitably reflected in their friendships.
• Knowing the love language of another person is one way to manage our expectations from them.
• Having a negative attitude is not bad if we use it as a skill to be the best version of ourselves. Positive or negative, no one should ever be judged for their behavior; instead, we should do their best to understand why our friend has a different perspective.

Episode Quotes:

Accepting That People Change is the Key to Preserve Friendships

Sean [00:09:17]: When we're young, our pool of interest is very small. We have interest in different music, but we had a lot more commonalities and differences. And as we get older, we're going to have more differences and commonalities. Once you understand that they are changing and you yourself have changed, then it's much easier to have conversations again, because you're not trying to hold on to something that was in the past. 

Though You Cannot Control How Others Treat You, You Can Control How You Behave

Sean [00:15:18]: Don't worry about what they can or cannot do, just worry about yourself and what you can do as a friend. How other people treat you is not within your control. But how you can treat your friends, how you can be there for them is something within your control. Sometimes we feel like a friend is really shitty to us or has been like a shitty friend, but rarely do we ask ourselves, when have we been, maybe we're a shitty friend, right? 

Moments of Being Yourself Allows You to Define Your Identity

James [00:31:32]: I wanted to try to fit in I became someone who I wasn't, when like trying to be cool or trying to be whatever, like trying to fit in, you're trying to adapt your identity. But it's funny because when I started to not care as much, that things became a lot easier.

Being a Negative or Positive Thinker Can Lead to Self-Improvement

Sean [00:37:25]: Being negative is not a totally bad thing. It is in a way we can be very use it as a skill, right. You're always going to be being negative as a kind of like always trying to get to the best. It's almost like perfectionism in a certain way. You want it to be the best. And you're always going to be criticizing yourself, but the way to not fall into that and be completely just taken over about negativity is actually to not be judgemental a bit. I think that's a lot of people struggle with is that they are aware of the negativity and they let it consume them because they're judging themselves from being like, I shouldn't be like this. And so it creates some kind of feedback with not positive at all by judging yourself constantly. 

Show Links:

The 5 Love Languages Quiz

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman

The two discuss the Winter Olympics and the Super Bowl and why Sean is stressed by the idea of competitive sports. Discover what keeps them going when the road to success is not a defined, straight path. 

Key Takeaways: 

James and Sean discuss the role of the leader and what keeps them on pushing forward.

• CEOs must take on a future-looking role as well as maintain an eye on the present.
• It's important to remember why you started this venture and go back to your purpose when you feel unmotivated.
• Movement, whether it’s forward or backward, is the best way to battle monotony and the mundane.

Episode Quotes:

Being a CEO is Like Being That Spot in the Middle of the Hourglass

James [00:05:01]: The way that I imagine a CEO position, I don't know if someone else has also thought of this, but I think of it as an hourglass, right? The CEO, that's why it's so important. Also, extremely difficult, but very, very highly sought after because it is the touchpoint. The most important part of the hourglass it's where the sand goes through. Right? And it makes a difference. It’s like the opposite ends, where one part of the hourglass is the investor, the customers, all the other top-line people that you have to deal with. Then, on the other side, for your employees and your actual company. And you have to be able to manage both. That's what makes being a CEO so difficult. It’s that you're not actually a boss, you're the boss right in the middle.

Why Going Back to Your Purpose Matters

Sean [00:06:24]: I have to pause because I need to digest what was just said. I think one of the things that really convinced me, at least, is what I want to be doing and why I want to do it. Your job as a CEO is to make sure your people are taken care of. And that's really what I care about. Like, that's why I want to build businesses. I want to be an entrepreneur because I want to solve problems, obviously. But, I want to create an opportunity.

The Path to Success is Not Just Forward, It Can Also be Backward

Sean [00:17:32]: It reminded me of this image that I don't know, people won't be able to see this, there are these famous images of like the reality of success. It's like how we think straight straight-line perception, the reality, it's just like a bunch of squiggles. But you know what? Even though I've seen this a million times, I never interpreted it as you can be moving backward, and it's still progress. I think that's really insightful realization because obviously, who says forward is the right direction, right? Or the only direction? Moving backward could equally be just as right. Because you might be, I don't know, undoing something that you should be, doing differently.

Continuous Movement is the Key to Staying Motivated

James [00:18:36]: That is the only time when progress isn't happening. If you kind of settled down and don't do anything. Right? But, if you're actually doing something, even if you go to work, and you think that the work that you're going to is very mundane and really boring, or it's getting you nowhere in life, that is still actually movement. You're still going to work, still doing these things. And it's up to you to not settle into that same type of job. It's up to you to look for even just a different angle and how you can make your job mentally interesting. Or you have to apply a hobby that is going to fulfill the mental growth or the physical growth that you need to kind of counterbalance the feeling that you're just stuck at work all the time.

Show Links:

What You Do Is Who You Are: How to Create Your Business Culture, by Ben Horowitz

The Hard Thing About Hard Things: Building a Business When There Are No Easy Answers, by Ben Horowitz

How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie

Sean shares insights from the acceleration program in today's episode. He discusses the exhausting, but fruitful process of pitching. When you separate yourself from the business and work on projects that affect our high-level goals, you still have to worry about the present. This is true even for those pursuing their craft and things they love. How do Sean and James cope? Make sure to listen to this episode to find out how. 

Key Takeaways: 

This week is all about things that can help startups plan for the long-term and ideas on how to balance your business’s immediate needs. 

• Be attentive to the team’s needs by hiring even before you need it.
• Take the time to reach out to potential mentors to get feedback, even though it’s time-consuming to find one. 
• It’s crucial to focus on initiatives on key projects that will help you reach the long-term goals and ones that address the immediate needs too.
• Make sure to equip yourself with the right information when deciding. 
• If you're considering a direction, think about whether you are willing to stick with it and be happy in it. Don't just make decisions based on money and finances. 

Episode Quotes:

Planning the team’s structure and being attentive will help you anticipate the team’s need, even before they need it

Sean [00:07:56]: That's been a hard part because part of doing the work too is hiring. Like hiring is part of this process. Recognizing clearly, a little bit too late, that we need help. And that's always the case. The advice we got from the get-go was always trying to hire ahead of time, which is really a piece of hard advice to take because how do you know what I'm supposed to hire ahead of time? Doesn't account for much else. Actually, it doesn't account for creatives because there was no job for creative really back in the day in the industrial age.

Finding a mentor and keeping the feedback loop is crucial, even if it’s time-consuming

Sean [00:10:48]: I'm just trying to figure out whether this is a normal thing that's going on right now. Because like you're saying it's foreign waters. Or am I just burnt out, or am I burning out? But then that prompts me to think about that whole Adam Grant book, Give and Take. It’s like, you typically feel burnout if you don't have good feedback loops. That may be what I'm lacking. I don't have a good feedback loop. Like our old mentor meeting stuff? 

Focus on key initiatives that will help you with your long-term goals and the one with the most probability of success

Sean [00:16:35]: So clearly the sales messaging will be different. You can't use the same message for all of them, which is what we were trying to do. Which was ineffective. And so now, we just need to plot out a path that has the highest probability for success, and then you just go with it, right. And learn along the way. At least we have some clarity that we need to pick a path versus trying to pursue multiple paths at the same time and, feeling stuck, feeling like we're not getting anywhere.

Why working on things that will make you happy in the long term is important to help you succeed

James [00:22:17]: It would be the most paying job I would have had by almost 50%. And I was like, “Oh man, I kind of regret not taking it”. But then I thought back to why I didn't really take that offer. Right? It was in an industry that I wasn't really interested in. it was a product management role. I've never done that before. And not that I couldn't have taken the shot to do it. And I think I could have, but I just had to remind myself that, I wouldn't be happy.

Show Links:

Sell More Faster: The Ultimate Sales Playbook for Startups (Techstars)

The duo discusses what affects our brains’ creative and analytical processes and how Sean and his co-founder Servie benefit from Techstars' mentorship program. Finally, Sean talks about how “The Inquiry” convinced his wife to let him go to Columbia. 

Key Takeaways: 

This week is all about Asian food, particularly their favorite Korean dishes, breaking the mold and challenging your beliefs. The episode emphasizes the importance of:

• The traditionally designed education system impacts how we think, both analytical and creative processes.
• Questioning and evaluating the belief systems you grew up into. 
• Doing what you’re passionate about and finding an outlet to devote your energy to. 

Episode Quotes:

The traditional design of the educational system was created at a time when creativity was unaccounted for in the workplace

Sean [00:22:23]: I've read books about how the education system was developed and the historical context of education. The current education system, how it stemmed from, I think it was like Europe, Eastern Europe in Byzantine and basically, it was designed to just train and funnel people through a system and then fill jobs for the economy. There's nothing wrong with that. It sounds terrible, but it's just how things work. And even to this day, there’s this sorting system, you're either creative, or you're analytical. If you're creative, go do this. If you're analytical, go do that. Right. If you're going to math and sciences, be an engineer, and that doesn't account for much else. Actually, it doesn't account for creatives because there was no job for creative really back in the day in the industrial age.

Questioning and evaluating your beliefs from time to time helps you find satisfaction at work and in life

Sean [00:24:22]: I mean, we're born with no beliefs, and then we are brought up with many beliefs, some good, some limiting, I would say. Some are limiting in good ways. Like, “Don't go play with fire. Don't jump off of things. These are limiting beliefs, right? And for the most part, they're intended to protect us in some way, shape, or form from danger and improve our survivability. But, the world is changing, and I think it's dangerous to not question your beliefs or evaluate them from time to time.

Finding an outlet and taking time to do the things you love

James [00:25:10]: I think a lot of times, for me, I always thought that career was the only outlet that I actually ever had. I felt that my life was surrounded by only work, and it was the most important thing, and I was hoping to get satisfaction from that. It wasn't satisfying, but I don't think that's true either. Because I believe, there is some sort of satisfaction that has to come from work. I mean, you're lucky, and you're doing something that you really like, and it's like satisfying, then that's great. But some people are going to have to work a living. Right? You just need to do it, but the outlet has to come afterward. And you have to be able to find something. That is where your hobbies lie. Maybe it’s for your family. You know, for many people, our family is our outlet, and they live for their family. Supporting their kids or supporting their parents.

Show Links:

• Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life, by Byron Katie
• The Work (And Resources, by Byron Katie)
• Clever FM Podcast App
• Hangari Kalguksu

Korean food mentioned:

• Kong-guksu
• Galbi Jjim
• Kal-guksu 
• Gamja-tang
• Bossam

• Is it true?
• Can you absolutely know that it's true?
• How do you react? What happens when you believe that thought?
• Who would you be without the thought?

In this episode, James and Sean discuss dealing with anxiety relating to their parents, the show, and some big developments happening at Clever FM—the rollout of new features, fundraising, and going to market. 

Find out how “The Work” turned their situations around and helped them deal with the difficult feelings they’ve encountered recently. 

Key Takeaways: 

This week, Sean and James talk about: Loving What Is and practicing Byron Katie’s inquiry method. 

• They share how this method helps them deal with the worries they face at work.
• They talk about how they dealt with difficult conversations relating to their personal relationships.

Episode Quotes:

“The Work” is a conscious effort to process difficult feelings in personal relationships

Sean [00:13:50]: That's what it is. It's like, once you've incorporated The Work, and create your life, things that you used to find painful or frustrated about, just any kind of discomfort, you feel joy. And that's what I feel like when I feel discomfort, it rings a bell. It's like, “Hey, do the work.”

Echoing the challenges of CEOs when it comes to prioritizing feedback

Sean [00:25:06]: As a CEO of a startup, you're in sales mode. You're always trying to sell the company. I wouldn't say it's hard to listen to feedback, but it's hard to listen to a bunch of different feedback from different people and then be able to prioritize what is actually a signal. Like, what's actually important. What's actually going to move the needle in terms of customer acquisition or customer retention? And what's just like, “Hey, it'd be nice if I have this.”

Luck is All About Creating Your Own Opportunities

James [00:31:59]: I was thinking about how luck actually is equal to effort times attempts. Where effort is a scale of zero to one and attempts is one to infinite. I think in your case, you're saying like, “Oh, it's lucky that we get to talk to Andreessen Horowitz.” But actually, it's you who put in the effort, even if it was 50% or 80% of your effort, one day or another, but you put in thousands of attempts, and that is what luck.

Show Links:

• Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life, by Byron Katie
• The Work (And Resources, by Byron Katie)
• Clever FM Podcast App

Byron Katie's book, Loving What Is, has been the focus of Sean and James' discussion in the past few weeks. The pair discussed how they have been applying “the inquiry” to their daily lives. 

In this episode, they share advice on releasing yourself from issues that shouldn't even be your own. Listen as they discuss letting go of thoughts that disturb your inner peace and create conflict in your life. 

Key Takeaways: 

This week, Sean and James talk about: Loving What Is and practicing Byron Katie’s inquiry method. 

• They discuss how it has really brought a lot of inner peace and how they use it as they go about their days. 
• Sean shares a lot of stories about how he's been using inquiry at work and in his personal life and how it’s been helping him establish inner peace.

Episode Quotes:

Freeing yourself to do what you want and need to do with peace 

Sean [00:09:30]: When you're able to remove these things, these stories that bother you, what it does is actually frees you up to get stuff done. Or to be productive, or maybe productive, is not the right word, but to advance or progress in whatever it is that you want to do and be at peace with it.

When you make things all about you, you add up unnecessary problems in your life

Sean [00:16:11]: All these problems start because I make it about me. I say, “James, you know what? You're not listening to me because you don't respect me, James. You're not like taking my advice because you don't believe what I'm saying.” I started telling myself these stories, maybe not consciously, but that's really what's going on inside my head. Right?

How assumptions and internal thoughts usually cause misunderstandings and rifts

James [00:20:55]: I was thinking about what you’re saying. When you internalize something as your own problem, a lot of times, I think the reason why the language, when you speak to the person is harsher is that you've had these internal thoughts, a made-up version of what you think they think. And you've argued with them internally, and you just get angrier, and that anger then comes out when you actually talk to that person.

Freeing yourself from to give space for things that matter

Sean [00:24:11]: I feel like this book has given me the right tools now to stop thinking I can fix other people's problems. And again, just pay more attention to myself. In a very weird way, even though I just said it's hard, I actually find it much easier because I am within my control. I can't change Sheena. I can't change my wife. I can't change my parents. But I can change myself.  And, when I stopped trying to fix other people or blame other people for the problem, I actually create a lot of space for myself.

Show Links:

Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life, by Byron Katie

The Work (And Resources, by Byron Katie)

It's impossible to avoid overthinking things when we're constantly bombarded by our own thoughts to succeed. In a world that hides failure and encourages comparison and competition, how can we learn to move forward and avoid paralysis by analysis? 

In this episode, Sean and James discuss how we can do better by becoming the difference we want to make in our lives. Listen as they explain how taking action now, being different, and risking failure propels us forward. 

Key Takeaways: 

Sean and James' discussion circles back to living in the present, as they encourage us to reflect on the fact that we are where we are because it is where we need to be. This week it’s all about:

• Looking at your situation from an outsider's perspective 
• Avoid placing blame on others for your current situation
• The importance of being gracious about failure in order to absorb all the learning
• Just doing the next thing and acting to make the difference you’re looking for

Episode Quotes:

Blaming others will only make you feel more helpless

Sean [00:11:24]: I think what makes us feel trapped is when we buy into these stories that we tell ourselves. But these stories are about other people. We’re trying to put the blame or shift the blame onto other people, right? But the problem is that you can't change other people. You can't change other people's situations, you know? Archie can't just instantly feel better, right? If I keep buying that story, I feel helpless.

Societies and communities should encourage failure because it promotes learning

James [00:21:09]: You're going to have to fail at multiple things to learn how to do something. It’s just a natural part of growth. And for some reason, for us, in society, we don't talk about failure very often. You know, the word failure is just very negative. I can't help but think very negative things about it, right? “Oh, you failed. You're a failure,” but in fact, it should actually be a very positive thing. We should try to fail at something almost every day, in the sense that then we're going to be learning something every day.

The only way you change something is to do something different, right now

James [00:28:17] The only way to change something, the only way to get something different, is by doing the different thing right now. And change happens in hindsight, right? Because no matter what we want to do, if we think that like, “Oh, I should be doing this. I could be doing this. I should have done that.” These are all things that we can do right now. 

Show Links:

Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life, by Byron Katie

The Work (And Resources, by Byron Katie)

Greenlights by Matthew McConaughey

When you're trying to imagine your life and make a difference, this might seem contradictory. No matter whether you're an entrepreneur or not, worrying about the future can drive you crazy—you either worry too much, feel hopeless, or feel anxious.

In this episode, Sean and James discuss the questions Byron Katie asks in her book. They use their struggles as guides in exploring how to accept, embrace, and love what is. 

Key Takeaways:

In this episode, Sean and James talked about how to apply Loving What Is and the four questions by Byron Katie. They share their experiences surrounding depression—how it's not about trying to find actionable things and making decisions, but it's more about just doing and creating space for things to happen.

• Sometimes we have people, habits, and things we do that act as a band-aid to our depression.
• Loving what is, is not about imposing happiness. It’s about accepting and acknowledging your current state, even if you’re sad, depressed, or anxious about something.
• It’s not about shoulda, coulda, woulda. One thing that hinders us from doing this is living our lives just to focus on all the decisions we need to make, even when it’s not happening yet. We’re missing out on the things in front of us.  
• Being in the moment is not about creating actionable things. When you write down what you want to happen, there’s no decision to be made yet until you act on those plans.

Episode Quotes:

Actively do something to help make you feel better

James [00:10:32]: Byron Katie talks about how this is God's business. These are things that are not in our control, and it's not that it's something that we dismiss, right? I think her point is that we can't let it bring us down. And we can't let it paralyze us. If we think about it so much, and we make it our business, which some people do —I think some people really actively make it their business —fundraisers or rescue missions or go help out like big actually go do things. It means that it's not in their control. Right? It's actually not, but they're actively doing something to make them feel better, do something about it.

Why the band-aids we use to cover our depression can also prevent us from moving forward

James [00:03:59]: A big change or decision in my life to really ignore what this underlying feeling of pain might be coming from. Right? Like what depression is. And for me, it was using writing as a way to express how I felt, but somehow it became a band-aid, and I was ignoring what I was, how I was feeling.

Loving what is, is not imposing happiness, it's about acceptance and acknowledgment

Sean [00:08:34]: I think part of it's just this imposition on yourself that, for you to be happy, for you to not be depressed, you need to change. And I think just that belief is causing you to be unhappy, to be depressed. That you aren't already amazing the way you are, that you're writing that way, that we're doing this podcast, isn't already fine. Then you’re not loving what is, which is what’s happening now.

Thoughts about how you can stay to be “in the moment”

James [00:03:59]: Being in reality, it's really weird. Like this idea and the concept of being in the present, but how it's so difficult. It's a very strange thing, right? We only live in this moment. And if you break down the present to a single second, the way I thought about it is that the power of now is that this single second. It is actually the only link in time where we control the past in the future at the same time. Because as time progresses, the current present turns into the past, but it also turns into the future at the same time.

When we're too focused thinking of decisions that need to be made, even if it's not happening yet, we miss out on things

Sean [00:17:30]: When we live as simply as that, open waiting, trusting, and loving to do what appears in front of us now, what we need to do unfolds before us. Doing the dishes, paying the bills, picking up the children's socks, brushing our teeth. We never received more than we can handle. There's always just one thing to do. Whether you have $10 or $10 million, life never gets more difficult than that. What she's saying is that it's not that we don't make decisions. It's that we try to live in this life of decision-making versus just doing.

Show Links:

Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life, by Byron Katie

The Work (And Resources, by Byron Katie)

What happens when we resist reality? How do we respond when God's business and the reality of other people's lives affect us? In this episode, James and Sean tackle the hard work we need to do to accept ourselves and our realities.

Key Takeaways:

This week, Sean and James had real and raw conversations about God's business, depression, things that we can and can't, and how to act. They dig a little deeper into the book, Loving What Is.

• When you’re in a slump, don’t fight the fact that you’re going through it.
• Actively do something so that you get to the stage where it’s all better.
• The more you fight your reality, the harder the work you need to accept it.

Episode Quotes:

Actively do something to help make you feel better

James [00:10:32]: Byron Katie talks about how this is God's business. These are things that are not in our control, and it's not that it's something that we dismiss, right? I think her point is that we can't let it bring us down. And we can't let it paralyze us. If we think about it so much, and we make it our business, which some people do —I think some people really actively make it their business —fundraisers or rescue missions or go help out like big actually go do things. It means that it's not in their control. Right? It's actually not, but they're actively doing something to make them feel better, do something about it.

When you’re pressured to fight the thoughts of depression

Sean [00:25:38]: It's okay to be depressed if I want to feel depressed, and it's okay for me to feel depressed. And then I think fighting the reality that we shouldn't be depressed, that just makes us even more depressed because we're just like, “why am I still depressed”? 

The hard work you need to do to accept your reality

Sean [00:28:02]: I think that's one of the problems is that just not easy. I mean, it's not supposed to be easy, right. It's not supposed to be simple. You wake up one day, and you're magically fixed. You read one article, and you're magically fixed. There's so much work, like the work that has to go behind it. You have to inquire yourself. You have to really dig deep and fish out all the weird thoughts and things that you're afraid of to actually get past it. And a lot of people don't want to do that. A lot of people think it might not be necessary. Also, some people might not even know what the next step is actually.

Show Links:

Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life, by Byron Katie

The Work (And Resources, by Byron Katie)

Those of us looking to effect change often focus our energy on how to change those around us—how they treat and speak to us. In this episode, Sean and James discuss Katie Byron’s book Loving What Is, enjoying the present, and letting go of things outside your control. Listen as they share how changing yourself can trigger the shift in mindset that you want to create in others.

Key Takeaways:

Sean and James both realized that one of the hard parts of why we struggle is that we’re not accepting our reality. One of the things that the book, Loving What Is, does is that it goes over four questions to help you realize and accept where you are now, and then what you can do about it.

• Learning how to let go of things out of your control, like people’s attitudes or reactions towards you, can help you focus on things that really matter.
• To see the change you want to see in this world, don’t focus on changing others. Focus on changing yourself. Be the change that you want to be.
• Live in the present. While it’s important to look at the future, people often get frustrated by the fact that they can’t live their future just yet. Instead, be intentional about taking small steps in your realities, so you can live the future that you want. 
• Sharing and talking about your reality allows you to face it quickly and focus on what’s next.

Episode Quotes:

The reality is, it just is

James [00:13:59]: Regardless of what happens, you don't tie a good or bad to it. It just is. And you just love what is. You'll love what happens, regardless of it, being good or bad. It sounds like what it's saying is the way to get past this struggling to feel productive is, even if you are not, or if you were, either way, it doesn't matter. Either way, it just is.

On letting go of things that are not your problem

Sean [00:16:39]: How do you treat someone when you are holding on to that problem? You don't treat them very well. You don't communicate very effectively. To really affect change, you have to change yourself first. So, I have to first let go of the problem and be like, “You know what? James is being annoying is really not my problem. My problem is that I'm annoyed, and I can let that go”. I don't have to be annoyed. I feel like I would be a much more effective communicator. I wouldn't be antagonistic in the way that I talk to you. 

Be the change that you want to see in others

Sean [00:17:54]: This goes to, you know, you can't love others before loving yourself. In fact, along the same lines, you can't change others. You shouldn't try to change others. You can't. There are so many stories about this, but finishing my thought, you can't change anything. Not even others. You can't change the world unless you change yourself. And that's like, there's a common quote around that, right? To change the world, you have first to change yourself. And I never quite grasped that until reading this book.

Live in the present

Sean [00:27:09]: You're living in the future. The Power of Now talks a lot about this. People can either live in the present or the future. And a lot of people who are miserable live in either the past or the future, right? They can't live in the now. You, having those dreams and aspirations, it’s not a problem. That is what we're supposed to be having, but you, trying to live in the future by comparing it to today, is causing you a lot of distress. Because you're just like, “I'm not there yet. I want to be that right now”.

Show Links:

Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life, by Byron Katie

The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment, by Eckhart Tolle

This week, Sean and James share progress about their new achievements and wins. Yet, despite their victories, whether big or small, both find doubts and worry about doing things correctly. 

The two tackle topics surrounding their personal purpose, how stories affect people’s lives, and the differences between coaches, advisers, and mentors. Tune in to discover why they called the show Start-up Struggles! 

Key Takeaways:

• The ability to strategize and plan ahead requires an entrepreneurial mindset. Even if you don’t own a business, looking at your life like a start-up. Think of it as something that requires careful planning to help you move forward.
• Like your core values, understanding your purpose will help you and serve as your compass whenever you have doubts and feel lost. 
• When thinking about the impact you make, don’t focus on how much growth you’re making. Treat it like a marathon, focus on milestones, celebrate small wins, listen to feedback, and keep on improving. 

Episode Quotes:

On the book, The Start-up of You

James [00:01:38] We have to think of our lives as a startup. We think of it like we're a company, right? We have to have our own vision, our own goals. And we have to be relentless when thinking about things that we are personally going after, and it doesn't just have to be for work. I think that the big takeaway from that book was when you start to shift your mind and think about yourself as a company, as a startup, it's much more exciting.

Stay on Track with a Clear Vision and Purpose

James [00:05:44]: I was thinking about how this applies the same way to my life because I didn't have a very clear goal or vision for what my life path was. It became very hard to do specific things or to take action on things because I was turned around in all directions. If you don't have a clear direction, It's like having, a broken rudder on a boat, you just ship around and sail around wherever. With no idea of where you're going, sooner or later, you're just going in circles.

Why Having Absolute Freedom can be Detrimental

James [00:21:44] I love the idea of stories. I think stories are extremely important, and I think the reason we struggle with this is that even movies, 90% of the content is, at the moment where they're the hero. And they're making an impact and changing the world and saving whatever, killing the villain. 10% is the backstory. It’s what they went through, and it's like a quick think. It is just fast-forward to today.

Always Start with Solving Your Own Problem

Sean [00:32:29] There's nothing wrong with starting with yourself because that's where most people, most startups, and entrepreneurs start. They start with a personal problem, This is the personal pain point for me. This is why I'm doing this. We're coming full circle to the beginning of this conversation. I love it because there's nothing wrong with focusing on yourself and that audience of you. Because frankly, in some ways, you are unique. But in many ways we are not unique, right? Your problems are not unique. Like there's somebody out there who has very similar problems as you, who's going through various similar stages in their life.

Show Links:

The Start-up of You: Adapt to the Future, Invest in Yourself, and Transform Your Career

Traction: How Any Startup Can Achieve Explosive Customer Growth

In this episode, Sean and James discuss how startup owners can be more intentional about their next steps. Discover how entrepreneurs can use their core values to guide their decisions. 

Key Takeaways:

• Startups have the freedom to manage their time. With no one to dictate what they should do next, they must also use their freedom wisely.
• The responsibility can feel a bit overwhelming at times as if it were an obligation, and as a startup owner, you are powerless to escape it. 
• When this happens, going back to your core values can help you understand why you decided to become an entrepreneur. 
• This will help reframe your mind and guide you to making intentional decisions. Ones that will help you get to your goals closer. 

Episode Quotes:

Core Values as a Guiding Light in the Seasons of your life

James [00:04:53] It feels that there are seasons, and your life goes through seasons. And I’ve heard about this before from some motivational speakers who talked about this. They say that you have seasons in life where things are going very, very well. And there are times when things are not going so well. It feels like that core value could align with the seasons of your life.

Freedom Means Living with Responsibilities

James [00:08:15]: I think the difference between having a choice—it’s also this idea about responsibility, right? Because if you live your life thinking that you can do whatever the hell you want to do, at some point, I don't think that's a very responsible way to live. Because that means that if you have no responsibilities, you have all the choices. But you have to live with some responsibilities, and that's what defines how you pursue your journey.

Why Having Absolute Freedom can be Detrimental

Sean [00:11:31] Having absolute freedom is detrimental as well. And we know that because there are many times when you have too many choices, the paralysis of choice, right?

That leads to indecisiveness and things like that. So, not having parameters, not having some kind of boundary to your choices is also not ideal.

How can Core Values Reframe Your Mindset on Responsibilities?

James [00:14:15] Core values could not only give you a direction, but it's also a direction that you choose on days when it feels difficult. It can be a reminder to reframe your mind. To remind yourself that these choices, maybe this day, it feels like an obligation to have to do certain things. And responsibility is somewhat is not a negative thing. It's a very positive thing. I get to do these responsibilities because I chose that these aligned with my values, and this is a direction that I've been wanting to head.

Being Intentional Gives You More Freedom

Sean [00:31:24] Maybe that's the solution that intentionality sets you free because it gives you permission to be doing what you're doing. And I think for people like us, where we have a lot too much flexibility and freedom, it's because nobody needs to give us permission. It's like, we need to give ourselves permission.

In this episode, Sean and James encourage listeners to learn how to appreciate and be grateful for everything, even the unpleasant things in life. When you do this, you set an offensive attitude towards life — attacking your goals one step at a time.

Key Takeaways:

• Be gracious to yourself. While you have priorities in key areas of your life, learn to appreciate when you’ve tackled, even just one. Be proud of your wins, even if these are small ones.
• Use your core values as an anchor in weighing things that you should focus on instead of the things that you just want to do. 
• When listing goals down, create broad tactics. Under it, list simple steps to take to be able to achieve it.
• Stay focused and on track by recruiting the help of a partner, coach, or mentor to keep you accountable and track your progress. 
• Be grateful, even for failures. Look at it as lessons learned and stepping stones to get closer to your goals. 

Episode Quotes:

How can you have one priority when you have several goals for different aspects of your life?

James [00:04:13] Maybe what this professor was talking about in your Berkeley class was, by setting one priority, as long as you did that one thing. Yes, there is a secondary list of things that you can take care of. But as long as you attack the day and get that one thing done, then it's a win, and you should be proud that you're able to do that.

How can you track your progress and be accountable for the goals you set?

Sean [00:21:01]: I think that element of just having accountability buddies, or partners, is huge. I still have them to this day. That's why I think mentors and coaches exist. Right? You're actually paying someone to keep you accountable for things. I think that's the beauty of having a business partner, like Survy, we keep each other accountable on different tasks. Again, not because we're incompetent, but because frankly, life is busy.

Thoughts on having an offensive mindset towards your goals

James [00:27:15] When I think about authenticity, I think that it's about taking action, taking steps, going towards your goal. It's like attacking your goals. Right. And so, I thought one way that you could practice gratefulness is by breaking down what's the one thing that you can do today that brings you closer to a goal that you set for yourself. Then once you actually take that action and take that step, then you can break down what are the things that you were able to do to take that one single step? Right?

Why is feedback more important for startups than results? 

Sean [00:29:30] As a startup, we are after testing the hypothesis. That is our job as a startup, especially in the earliest stages. A false response is still a response. This is not the thing that we expected, right? When we're testing a hypothesis, the important thing is to do the actions and get responses. It's not to expect everything that we're going to test is going to pan out to be true or is going to work out in our favor.

Thoughts on the fallacy of retirement:

Sean [00:36:40] I don't think humans are designed to just work and then not work. And what I mean by work is contribute their time to something, to society, and then stop contributing. I think contribution, as we mentioned, is one of the core human needs. There is actually a very strong impetus for humans to want to contribute. And you can only contribute if you're continuing to learn.

Show Links:

Busting the Retirement Lies: Living with Passion, Purpose, and Abundance Throughout Our Lives (Busting the Money Myths Book)

The movement in the team often creates hesitation and a feeling of being replaced. It gives them the impression that their work is not valued. As a result, they become defensive. By creating a safe environment where people can let go and trust each other, the team will maximize everyone's talents and special skills.

Key Takeaways:

• Move people around where they can be the best they can be. If someone shines better in another team or department, encourage them to move. This allows them to enjoy their work and give their best effort.
• Don’t be afraid to let go. Normalize the culture of learning to let go and move to a different role and responsibility. As you do so, make sure your team feels secure about their job and let them know the company values them. 
• Protip: Help your team maximize potential by letting them find their work rhythm. Some people find doing creative work in the afternoon or evening suits them better. While some find that writing or communications-related tasks are best done in the morning.  

Episode Quotes:

How do you create a collaborative culture, one that encourages and gets the team onboard?

Sean [00:12:54] Many business owners are afraid to be replaceable because they think, “Oh, someone's going to steal my business. If they have that kind of motivation, go ahead. But if you treat people well, they're not going to steal your business. If they can move up your organization, they would rather collaborate and work with you. I want people to move up because I'd rather have people become business partners on the next venture because I'm helping them. And, they want to work with me because they find value in it.

Thoughts on applying the five-second rule everytime you hesitate:

James [00:19:12]: She's talked about the way to actually beat hesitation, it’s this five-second rule. By counting down from five seconds actually triggers a different part of you, and it makes you go into action. I was like, “Oh, that makes a lot of sense when you want to let go of something”. If you want to break the chain of negative thoughts or something, you can just count down from five. Last week, you also said that negative thoughts don't stay with us for a long time. You said there's like scientific proof behind this. And I was thinking, if that's true, that means there has to be kind of a way to get past that even faster.

Tip on organizing your day-to-day schedule:

Sean [00:28:31] Well, when your energy is actually low, you're actually supposed to do creative because then your brain is not hyperactive. And thinking about a million things and juggling, it's actually the best time because you have a blank slate in your brain to do creative work.

Show Links:

• The Five-Second Rule by Mel Robbins
• Loving What Is by Byron Katie

In this episode, Sean and James discuss how leaders can get their motivation and drive back. From giving yourself a deadline to explore ideas to reaching out to people in your circle, and evaluating your core values. Listen and learn about focusing, meditating, and how to let go of the struggles affecting your drive and motivation.

Key Takeaways:

• The ups and downs, especially the low days, are all part of the entrepreneurial journey. Learning how to let go and let life take its course will help you focus on crucial tasks.    
• Setting deadlines for exploring ideas will help you decide whether to move forward or put a halt to a project.
• When you’re feeling especially low, reaching out to key people in your life will help ease the burdens. Talking about your struggles with people you trust will help improve your well-being.
• Evaluating your core values and meditating will help reset your perspective.

Episode Quotes:

How can setting deadlines for yourself help you weigh decisions?

Sean [00:04:38] I've given myself a 12-month runway to just experiment with this business, with Alumni FM. I gave myself a six-month runway to experiment with Clever. So, just setting that deadline, I think, pushed me forward. But, also gave me some grace, and say like, “Hey, I'm giving myself permission to explore for X amount of time”.

Thoughts on learning to let go

James [00:07:58]: So the way that I've been beginning to think about it now, is that these emotions, they are current, and you can either let the current go by you. You can let it take you, or you can swim out of it. So, now, for me, I've been trying to just go about my day, do my normal routine and get past this.

How do you keep yourself focused when there are too many things happening around you?

James [00:23:42] I think that's why a lot of people can't stay focused because every single time something gets their attention, they immediately direct their focus towards it. I think emotions are very similar, that it is just a thought. And actually letting go of a thought, letting go of emotion, I almost consider it to be like being in a river, and you're watching these leaves and these sticks. It's like going past you. Every once in a while, someone will bump into you. If you want to, you can pick it up and let it take your focus. Or, you can let it go swim right by you.

Show Links:

• Mindset: The New Psychology of Success
• EOSⓇ Vision/Traction Organizer™ (V/TO™)

Entrepreneurship is a roller coaster ride of trying something new. No matter how small the wins are, starting out on this journey will cause you to doubt your abilities. It's usually because you don't have feedback. It feels like you're running after something that has no purpose. Join Sean and James as they talk about the ups and download of starting up and dealing with the lack of feedback.

Key Takeaways:

• Humans sometimes deliberately stress about something as a way to experience life's ups and downs. Struggles seem natural to humans. Learning and progressing from challenge to challenge is essential after overcoming the current one.
• Asking for feedback is important. It helps you re-calibrate, remind yourself of your purpose, and monitor your progress toward your goal.

Episode Quotes:

Why do humans gravitate towards stress and struggles?

[05:54:00] As humans, we naturally need to have some type of stress in our life in order to experience the opposite end of that spectrum, which is not being stressed out. Which is enjoying something. Or, if you can even call it happiness, you need the opposite end. You need the ups and downs of life to be able to feel both the ups and the downs.

Thoughts on purposely stressing about something as a form of distraction

[00:07:55] James: Difficulties will always be there. So, your body naturally is going to stress out about some type of difficulty. Something that is going to bother you or challenge you or make you upset, and you’re going to have energy that goes in that direction. If you can expand your challenge or the things that you're learning, or the things that you want to, be curious about, or investigate, that expands the difficulties struggles to that level. And the smaller things tend to disappear.

Thoughts on Procrastination and Moving Forward

[00:15:13] Sean: Sometimes procrastination is good, right? When something feels too monumental emotionally, the task at hand is to get over it. You have to break it down into smaller chunks and if you've chunked it, and you still find yourself procrastinating, then that just means you haven't broken it down small enough to take action.

Losing your way isn't limited to not having time to reflect. You can also use it to mean deviating from the problem you set out to solve, all for pleasing others. In this episode, Sean and James discuss how to balance taking feedback in order to better your work and not lose sight of your purpose. 

Key Takeaways:

• It’s important to record your struggles. Remembering these past challenges will help you apply what you learned here to new obstacles you’ll face. 
• Aiming to be likable limits your potential. There's a balance between accepting feedback for improvement and doing everything, even sacrificing your purpose, just to please people.

Episode Quotes:

Why is it important to recap your past?

[00:03:17] It's also been very therapeutic to think about the difficulties and struggles I've had last week. And it might be weird to try to recap about that. Why was the last example hard? At the same time, talking about that to you has really made me think about it in a much different mindset. In a very different way, “Okay, how can we overcome this? What are the things that we learned?” What can we learn this one week, and how do you apply it to the next one? And how do I become better as I pursue this craft of podcasting?

Thoughts on How Startups Find the Time to Reflect

[00:12:53] Sean: For all my busyness— the challenge, the struggle. This is actually a real struggle, having enough time to think, synthesize, and make sense of what's going on in my life. And I think you can also see it as a blessing that you have that space to synthesize.

Why isn’t it healthy to pursue a life of wanting to please everyone

[00:15:24] And if you are pursuing a life of wanting others to like you or to recognize you, then you're not going to be free. Even if your world is ten people and all ten people like you, all of a sudden, if you do something different and one of them doesn't like you, you have to change your entire life to get that one other person to like you.

Show Links:

• Clever FM, a podcast listening app. Download from your iTunes and Google Play Store
• Tim Ferris Show
• The Enneagram Personality test

Key Takeaways:

• Slow days when founders have to deal with life and enjoy time spent doing non-work-related things are also productive. Taking some time off doesn’t mean you’re neglecting the business. 
• Time spent on thinking, recalibrating isn’t a lack of progress. We often think of output as a sign of productivity, but doing thinking work is just as important.

Episode Quotes:

The Importance of Taking Time Off

[00:07:14] I feel like most CEOs and founders that I talk to are frazzled out of their minds. Or working a hundred percent of their time. Taking time off, like what? Five days to really take time to spend with family. Go up, celebrate. I think we often forget that we have to celebrate the stuff.

Taking Responsibility for Your Actions

[00:08:51] I mean, your company hasn't caught up in flames and dying in those couple of weeks, right? I wouldn't say that you're going into this place of not replying to any single email. You're not completely ditching your day-to-day responsibilities of being a CEO, being a founder, being a father, husband, and being a friend. You have all these lists of things that you're probably already doing. You might be saying, “I'm not productive in this last few weeks or a couple of months”, compared to your peak, the most productive time of your life when the company is just getting started and things are super exciting. 

Like the Stages of Grief, There are Stages of Acceptance Too

[00:13:34] I think it's something that’s very hard to grasp because of this concept about how everything is tied to the output. If we're only chasing that, and if we're tying any sort of meaning to life with outputs, then this goes into not ever being present for the moments that lead to the outcome. And if you're not enjoying this, at some point we are not enjoying the conversation that we're having, we should stop. Even if there are millions of listeners, it wouldn't matter at that point.

Listen as they discuss what it takes to cope with life's daily struggles — from recognizing that it's going to be persistently part of your life to considering what kinds of challenges you're willing to take on. 

Key Takeaways:

• Struggles are persistent. It’s not going to stop, even though you reach summits in your entrepreneurial journey.
• To deal with struggles, you have to go through awareness to acceptance. Awareness that it will always be part of your life, and finally accepting the kind of struggles you’re willing to put up with.
• Struggles are not necessarily bad, it’s the stepping stone to get to better places.

Episode Quotes:

The Importance of Accepting Your Struggles

[00:05:56] It seemed to me how you accept what's going on in your life and accept the struggles if you know that it's always going to be there, the struggle evolves with you as you evolve. It’s just about trying to accept that it's going to happen, and then how you deal with it, and what kind of struggles you're willing to put up with.

Taking Responsibility for Your Actions

[00:24:06] Of course, everything that I decided to do is my own decision. It's one thing to understand that, but it's completely different from actually accepting it. Because I think once you accept that decisions are yours, then there is a really hard truth that you alone are responsible for where you are in your life. 

Like the Stages of Grief, There are Stages of Acceptance Too

[00:25:42] Life doesn't work that way and our minds do not work that way. Once we even accept something, it's not like all of a sudden things become easier. It's not that, “Oh, I've accepted that. You go through like the grief thing. Even though you accept that something bad has happened, and you struggle with it. Just because you accept it doesn't mean that the grief goes away. It's just a different level of understanding.

Show Links:

• Mark Manson Author Profile
• Mark Manson’s Books
• Entrepreneurial Operating System: Free Tools

Listen to him as he shares what he learned from reading The Courage to be Disliked, an inspiring read that encourages readers to develop the courage to change and to overcome limitations.

Key Takeaways:

• It’s not about getting to a point where there’s no struggle. You’ll always encounter hardships, regardless of where you are in life. It’s about changing your perspective about how you see these struggles.
• The entrepreneurship journey is a paradox of things that happen that are out of your control and choosing what happens next. This means choosing to improve, changing your techniques, and how you do things.

Episode Quotes:

Understanding that Struggle is a Part of Life

[00:02:37] "No matter where you are in life, there's going to be pain and struggles. And, I've been slowly piecing that together over the years. That it's not about getting to a place where there is no struggle. There is no pain. Life is not going to let that happen. It's normal to think that the struggle and pain, no matter where you are in your life — whether you're the top 1% in the world, having all the money, or like all the way on the other spectrum, pain and struggle are always going to be there."

Thoughts on Accepting responsibility for Your Choices

[00:07:24] "I really think that you have to understand that the choice is yours. And I think then we run into, like a paradox of choice —of having so many choices and then being indecisive because of that reason. But all that aside, all the other self-help, improvement, the techniques, morning rituals, how you wake up, or what you eat. Like all that aside, I think once you accept the concept, that the decision is mine, your viewpoint for everything changes."

On Treating Anger Like a Tool that You Can Choose to Use Or Not

[00:13:19] "And once you realize it's like that, emotions or feelings are something that you can pull out, it becomes very different. Then you have a second to almost decide whether or not you want to act out on your anger. And maybe you decide to just say, this person needs to hear that they're being an asshole for stealing your parking spot. You know, but that's a decision. You can decide to do that. So, without your tool of being angry, just so you can voice your negative opinion about this person because you want to tell them if they screwed up."

Show Links:

• The Courage to Be Disliked: The Japanese Phenomenon That Shows You How to Change Your Life and Achieve Real Happiness
• James Park on LinkedIn