In this episode of Between Whistles, I talk about a sentence that has become more uncomfortable the longer I’ve coached: “The standard you walk past is the standard you accept.”

It makes me think about what I’ve started letting slide and what my players might be learning from that.

If this episode makes you think of a coach who should hear it, send it to them.

In this episode, I write about my wife Monica, and about the spouses, partners, and supporters who do the unglamorous half of every coaching life. The ones who eat dinner alone during season. The ones who hold the household together while we are in the gym. The ones who are part of the coaching infrastructure even though they never appear in a box score.

For every coach, and for every person who has ever loved one.

In this episode of Between Whistles, I talk about the strange uncertainty of the night before a season opener—the questions coaches ask themselves, the temptation to keep preparing, and the moment when preparation has to become trust.

At some point, you have to close the laptop and let the players play.

In this episode, Coach Kays reflects on the first day of tryouts. What kids reveal in the first fifteen minutes before instructions have been given. What the coach sees while pretending to be watching basketball. And why the first day matters more than the first day seems to matter.

Approximately seven minutes.

But wanting to win and caring about your players aren’t opposites.

In this episode of Between Whistles, I talk about why I stopped apologizing for being competitive, what winning can teach when it’s kept in perspective, and why pretending the scoreboard doesn’t matter may not be the lesson we think it is.

In this episode of Between Whistles, I tell the story of a player who quit—and the questions it left behind about coaching, relationships, and the things we can’t always control.

Sometimes the moments that stay with us have nothing to do with the final score.

In this episode of Between Whistles, I talk about the difficult conversations, decisions, relationships, and responsibilities that nobody really trains coaches for and why that hidden work may be the most important part of the job.

Almost 25 years into coaching, I see those players differently than I did when I started. Most of the kids I coach will never play basketball after high school. There is no scholarship waiting for them. No college roster. For most of them, these few seasons are it.

So what exactly are we coaching them toward?

In the first episode of Between Whistles, I talk about what almost 25 years on a sideline has taught me about the job, the players who keep walking through the door, and why so much of what matters in coaching happens when the clock isn't running.

A kid walks in. You meet her where she is. And you try to help her become a little more than she was when she arrived.