Secret Life

Embracing the Chaos: The Stoic Path

Mon, 20 Apr 2026 07:00:49 +0000

In this enlightening episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt dives deep into the ancient philosophy of Stoicism, revealing its relevance and power in navigating the chaos of modern life. Drawing from her personal journey and extensive knowledge, Brianne explores the core tenets of Stoicism, emphasizing the importance of distinguishing between what we can control—our thoughts and actions—and what we cannot, advocating for a mindset of radical acceptance.

Throughout the episode, Brianne shares practical insights on how Stoicism can foster emotional resilience and lasting happiness. She discusses the four cardinal virtues of wisdom, justice, courage, and temperance, illustrating how these principles can guide us toward a more serene existence. Listeners will learn about the transformative power of viewing misfortune as an opportunity for growth, the significance of guarding one's mind against negativity, and the practice of daily reflections to cultivate a balanced perspective.

Brianne's candid approach encourages listeners to embrace discomfort, prepare for life's uncertainties, and maintain an objective view of challenges. With her engaging storytelling, she provides actionable steps to help individuals apply Stoic principles in their daily lives, ultimately empowering them to find peace amidst the turmoil. This episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking to enhance their emotional well-being and navigate life's complexities with grace and strength.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Stoicism, Emotional Resilience, Acceptance, Personal Growth, Philosophy, Happiness, Mindfulness

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

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To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

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SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness.

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Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

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6 Ways to Close the Empathy Perception Gap

Mon, 13 Apr 2026 07:00:33 +0000

In this thought-provoking episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt delves into the pressing issue of the empathy perception gap and its profound impact on our ability to connect with others. Drawing from her extensive experience in recovery and personal growth, Brianne explores why making friends feels increasingly difficult, especially for younger generations. She highlights a revealing study from Stanford University that uncovers how a lack of empathy and assumptions about others' feelings contribute to our isolation.

Brianne candidly discusses the dynamics of connection, emphasizing that both parties often enter social situations with guardedness and fear of rejection. Through practical steps, she encourages listeners to challenge their perceptions and open themselves up to genuine connections. From assuming goodwill in others to embracing the awkwardness of new friendships, Brianne offers actionable advice for closing the empathy gap and fostering deeper relationships.

This episode is a must-listen for anyone feeling misunderstood or alone, as it provides valuable insights into the human experience and the importance of vulnerability in building meaningful connections. Join Brianne on this journey of self-discovery and learn how to navigate the complexities of relationships in a world that often feels disconnected.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Empathy, Connection, Friendship, Vulnerability, Emotional Intelligence, Social Dynamics, Loneliness

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

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To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

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SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

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Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

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Secrets and Lies: 7 Ways to Spot a Liar

Mon, 06 Apr 2026 07:00:32 +0000

In this riveting episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt unpacks the intricate web of lies and secrets that people weave, revealing the psychological underpinnings of why individuals resort to deception. Drawing from her own experiences and insights, Brianne delves into the motivations behind lying, emphasizing that it's often a mechanism for self-regulation rather than mere deceit. She encourages listeners to shift their perspective from questioning, "Why are they lying to me?" to "What are they getting from this?"

Brianne explores the various payoffs of lying, including control, avoidance of consequences, and the preservation of self-image. She candidly shares her journey as a former liar, providing a unique lens through which to understand the emotional turmoil that drives such behavior. Listeners will gain valuable insights into the underlying fears and insecurities that compel individuals to lie, such as shame, fear of abandonment, and a lack of self-worth.

As the episode unfolds, Brianne offers practical tips for identifying liars, emphasizing the importance of observing patterns and trusting one's instincts. She highlights that recognizing deceit is not about paranoia but about understanding human behavior and protecting oneself from emotional harm. This episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking to navigate the complexities of honesty and deception in their relationships, empowering you to maintain your emotional integrity while recognizing the struggles of others.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Lies, Secrets, Deception, Emotional Regulation, Self-Protection, Relationships, Trust

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

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SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

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Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

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4 Stages of Limerence: Breaking the Fantasy Cycle

Mon, 30 Mar 2026 07:00:30 +0000

In this compelling episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt takes a deep dive into the captivating yet often destructive phenomenon of limerence. Drawing from her own experiences, Brianne unpacks the emotional rollercoaster of idealizing others and the chaos that ensues when we attach magical qualities to those we desire. She explores the four stages of limerence—attraction, obsession, frustration, and resolution—offering listeners a clear understanding of how these stages manifest in relationships.

Brianne candidly shares the challenges of breaking free from the fantasy of limerence, emphasizing the importance of self-awareness and reflection. She provides practical strategies for overcoming this emotional trap, such as re-dating your partner, focusing on self-love, and engaging in new hobbies. This episode is a must-listen for anyone who finds themselves lost in the allure of fantasy relationships and is seeking to reclaim their emotional power.

Join Brianne as she guides you through the complexities of limerence, encouraging you to embrace the reality of your relationships and prioritize your well-being over fleeting fantasies. This enlightening conversation is sure to resonate with anyone navigating the intricate world of love and attachment.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Limerence, Emotional Attachment, Relationships, Self-Love, Personal Growth, Fantasy, Obsession

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

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To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

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SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

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Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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8 Signs of Sibling Enmeshment

Mon, 23 Mar 2026 07:00:39 +0000

In this insightful episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt dives deep into the complexities of enmeshed sibling relationships. She explores how the bonds between brothers and sisters can sometimes blur the lines of individuality, leading to an unhealthy dynamic where one sibling feels responsible for the other's emotions and choices. Brianne sheds light on the signs of enmeshment, including feelings of guilt when making independent decisions and the pressure to maintain constant contact.

Through personal anecdotes and expert insights, Brianne illustrates how these relationships often stem from childhood experiences where healthy emotional boundaries were lacking. She emphasizes the importance of recognizing these patterns and taking steps toward healing and independence. Listeners will learn practical strategies to untangle from enmeshment, including fostering self-awareness, tolerating discomfort, and rebuilding their identities outside of their sibling roles.

This episode is a vital listen for anyone navigating the intricacies of sibling relationships, particularly those feeling the weight of emotional entanglement. Join Brianne as she encourages you to embrace your individuality while maintaining a loving connection with your siblings, proving that true closeness does not require control.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Sibling Relationships, Enmeshment, Emotional Boundaries, Independence, Personal Growth, Healing, Family Dynamics

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

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SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

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Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

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7 Types of Grief No One Talks About

Mon, 16 Mar 2026 07:00:50 +0000

In this thought-provoking episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt delves into the often-overlooked dimensions of grief that accompany personal growth and healing. Drawing from her extensive experience, Brianne explores seven unique types of grief that many individuals face but rarely discuss. From the grief of who you had to become for survival to the pain of outgrowing relationships, she provides a compassionate and insightful perspective on these complex emotions.

Brianne emphasizes that healing is not merely about moving on but involves a deep mourning of the identities and connections we've had to let go of. She guides listeners through the process of recognizing these hidden griefs, encouraging self-reflection with poignant questions that provoke thought and introspection. This episode is a powerful reminder that grief is not solely tied to loss but can also stem from transformation and the journey toward becoming your authentic self.

Join Brianne as she navigates the intricate landscape of grief, offering wisdom and encouragement for those embarking on their healing journeys. This episode is essential for anyone seeking to understand the emotional complexities of growth and the importance of embracing grief as a part of the healing process.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Grief, Healing, Personal Growth, Identity, Relationships, Emotional Healing, Self-Discovery

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

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Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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Cultivating Emotional Sovereignty

Mon, 09 Mar 2026 07:00:15 +0000

In this empowering episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt explores the transformative concept of emotional sovereignty. She delves into what it truly means to take ownership of your emotions and reactions, emphasizing the importance of self-responsibility and internal regulation. Brianne shares her personal journey of practicing emotional sovereignty over the past two years and offers practical insights on how to cultivate this vital skill in your own life.

Throughout the episode, Brianne provides listeners with actionable strategies to enhance their emotional resilience, including the power of the pause, self-validation, and establishing healthy boundaries. She highlights the significance of recognizing when external emotions are projected onto us and encourages a proactive approach to managing our responses. By learning to separate our emotions from those of others, we can foster healthier relationships and reduce conflict.

This episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking to reclaim their emotional power and navigate life’s challenges with grace and confidence. Join Brianne as she guides you through the journey of understanding emotional sovereignty and empowers you to live a more authentic, fulfilling life.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Emotional Sovereignty, Self-Responsibility, Internal Regulation, Boundaries, Personal Growth, Relationships, Self-Validation, Empowerment

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

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The 5 Stages of a Healthy Relationship

Mon, 02 Mar 2026 08:00:36 +0000

In this weeks episode, host Brianne Davis-Gantt unpacks the five essential stages of a healthy relationship, providing invaluable insights for those navigating the complexities of love and commitment. Drawing from her extensive experience in recovery and relationship coaching, Brianne emphasizes that true love is a conscious choice that requires effort, rather than merely falling into an emotional whirlwind.

Join Brianne as she explores each stage, starting with the intoxicating honeymoon phase, where infatuation reigns, and moving through the often challenging reality stage, where true selves emerge. She highlights the critical growth period, where acceptance and mutual respect blossom, leading to the deep commitment that forms the foundation of a lasting partnership. Finally, Brianne describes the blissful harmony stage, where couples thrive as true partners, supporting one another in their individual and shared goals.

This episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking to deepen their understanding of relationship dynamics and move beyond superficial connections. Brianne shares practical rules and actionable steps to help listeners assess their current stage and foster healthier, more fulfilling relationships. Tune in and discover how to navigate the journey of love with intention and clarity!

🔑 Episode Keywords

Healthy Relationships, Commitment, Stages of Love, Personal Growth, Communication, Acceptance, Partnership

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

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Modern Dating Terms You Need to Know

Mon, 23 Feb 2026 08:00:59 +0000

Are you aware of the latest relationship terms shaping the dating landscape? In our newest episode, we dive deep into essential terms like gaslighting, love bombing, and breadcrumbing, empowering you to navigate your dating life with confidence. Discover how to identify toxic behaviors and foster healthier connections. Don't miss out on this insightful discussion—tune in now and elevate your dating game!

This episode serves as a vital resource for anyone looking to enhance their dating experience and avoid common pitfalls. Join Brianne as she empowers you to recognize these behaviors, prioritize self-awareness, and cultivate healthier relationships. Don't miss this chance to arm yourself with knowledge and transform your dating life.

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

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6 Steps to Letting Go of Resentments

Mon, 16 Feb 2026 08:00:16 +0000

In this cathartic episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt delves into the heavy yet liberating topic of letting go of resentments. Drawing from her own journey of recovery, Brianne emphasizes the importance of releasing the burdens of bitterness and pain that we often hold onto, which only serves to poison our own well-being. She shares her insights on how unprocessed resentments can manifest in our lives and the toll they take on our mental and physical health.

Throughout the episode, Brianne outlines the common causes of resentment, including feelings of injustice, unmet expectations, and mistreatment. She further explores the stages of resentment and provides listeners with a practical six-step process for letting go of grudges. By recognizing triggers, understanding perspectives, and practicing forgiveness, Brianne guides you toward reclaiming your power and emotional freedom.

This episode serves as a powerful reminder that healing begins when we confront our feelings and take responsibility for our own happiness. Join Brianne as she encourages you to break free from the cycle of resentment and embrace a more empowered, authentic life.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Resentment, Forgiveness, Emotional Healing, Recovery, Personal Growth, Boundaries, Empowerment, Self-Compassion

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

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Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

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The Flying Monkeys of Narcissism: Are You One?

Mon, 09 Feb 2026 08:00:15 +0000

In this thought-provoking episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt introduces the intriguing concept of "flying monkeys" in the context of narcissistic relationships. Drawing inspiration from the iconic film "The Wizard of Oz," Brianne explains how these individuals—often friends, family members, or colleagues—act on behalf of narcissists to inflict emotional distress on their victims. She candidly discusses her own experiences and insights into the dynamics of manipulation, control, and the insidious nature of these flying monkeys.

Throughout the episode, Brianne breaks down the characteristics of flying monkeys, their motivations, and the tactics they employ to uphold the narcissist's agenda. Listeners will gain a deeper understanding of how these enablers contribute to the cycle of abuse and the psychological impact on the targeted individual. With a blend of empathy and expertise, Brianne encourages those affected to recognize these behaviors and take steps to protect themselves.

This episode serves as a crucial reminder of the importance of setting boundaries and finding supportive allies while navigating the complexities of relationships with narcissists and their flying monkeys. Join Brianne as she empowers you to reclaim your narrative and avoid becoming a pawn in someone else's game.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Narcissism, Flying Monkeys, Emotional Abuse, Manipulation, Boundaries, Recovery, Self-Protection

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

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Winter Depression: Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)

Mon, 02 Feb 2026 08:00:46 +0000

In this introspective episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt dives deep into the often-overlooked topic of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and the emotional toll winter can take on individuals. Drawing from her own experiences and those of her clients, Brianne explores the concept of winter as a time for recovery and restoration, urging listeners to reframe their perspective on the colder months.

Throughout the episode, Brianne emphasizes the importance of hibernation—not just for bears, but for us as well. She shares insights on how embracing this dormancy can lead to personal growth and renewal, just as nature prepares for the spring. Listeners are encouraged to lean into the coziness of winter, allowing themselves to rest, reset, and recharge without judgment.

Brianne also offers practical tips for managing the symptoms of winter depression, such as getting outside for fresh air, utilizing light therapy, and focusing on a healthy diet rich in vitamin D. She highlights the necessity of connecting with nature, even suggesting the playful act of hugging a tree to foster a sense of grounding and connection to the earth.

This episode serves as a compassionate reminder that winter is not just a season of gloom, but a vital period for self-care and rejuvenation. Join Brianne as she guides you through this enlightening conversation, offering hope and encouragement for navigating the challenges of seasonal depression.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Seasonal Affective Disorder, Winter Depression, Recovery, Restoration, Hibernation, Self-Care, Light Therapy, Vitamin D, Mental Health

______

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

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Rewiring the Brain for Delayed Gratification

Mon, 26 Jan 2026 08:00:08 +0000

In this enlightening episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt tackles the pervasive issue of instant gratification and its detrimental effects on personal growth and fulfillment. Drawing on her experiences with clients in recovery, Brianne highlights the struggle many face when it comes to sitting in discomfort and resisting the urge for immediate pleasure. She candidly shares her own journey with instant gratification, likening it to a toddler's relentless desire for instant rewards.

Throughout the episode, Brianne delves into the neuroscience behind instant gratification, explaining how it drives impulsive behaviors and hinders long-term goals. She contrasts this with the concept of delayed gratification, emphasizing its importance in achieving greater self-control, improved decision-making, and ultimately, a more satisfying life. Listeners will learn practical strategies to combat impulsive tendencies, such as identifying triggers, setting clear goals, and creating personal reward systems.

This episode serves as a powerful reminder that true growth often requires patience and the ability to endure discomfort. Join Brianne as she encourages you to lean into the uncomfortability and embrace the journey towards meaningful change, rather than succumbing to the allure of instant satisfaction.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Instant Gratification, Delayed Gratification, Self-Control, Impulse Control, Personal Growth, Recovery, Emotional Well-being, Decision Making

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

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Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

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•Twitter

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Escaping Yourself: Trauma's Role in Adult ADHD

Mon, 19 Jan 2026 08:00:01 +0000

In this eye-opening episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt delves into the intricate relationship between adult ADD and trauma. Drawing from personal experiences and extensive research, Brianne passionately argues that many adults diagnosed with ADD may actually be grappling with unresolved trauma that manifests in similar symptoms. She shares her own journey with ADHD, discussing how her past experiences shaped her present and how healing from trauma has transformed her ability to focus and engage with life.

Throughout the episode, Brianne breaks down the signs of trauma and how they can overlap with ADD symptoms, such as impulsivity, emotional dysregulation, and difficulties in concentrating. She emphasizes the importance of addressing these underlying issues rather than relying solely on medication, which can often mask the root cause of the problem. With a blend of empathy and expertise, Brianne encourages listeners to reflect on their own histories and consider how unresolved trauma may be influencing their lives.

This episode serves as a powerful reminder that healing is possible, and understanding the connection between trauma and ADD can lead to profound personal growth. Join Brianne as she guides you through this crucial conversation, offering insights and strategies for navigating the complexities of trauma and attention disorders.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Adult ADD, Trauma, Healing, Emotional Dysregulation, Impulsivity, Focus, Personal Growth, Mental Health

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

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Type C Functionally Frozen People

Mon, 12 Jan 2026 08:00:41 +0000

In this thought-provoking episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt explores the complex world of the Type C personality, specifically those who are functionally frozen. Brianne breaks down the traits of this personality type, which combines people-pleasing, emotional suppression, and perfectionism, leading individuals to feel disconnected and numb despite outwardly managing daily responsibilities.

Throughout the episode, Brianne delves into the signs of being functionally frozen, such as emotional numbness, lack of motivation, and the overwhelming sense of being on autopilot. She emphasizes that this state often arises from chronic stress, trauma, and burnout, leaving individuals feeling stuck and unable to engage fully with their emotions or the world around them.

Listeners will gain insights into the importance of recognizing these patterns and the necessity of seeking support to navigate through them. Brianne shares practical strategies for thawing out of this state, including grounding techniques, reconnecting with the body, and embracing joy and creativity. This episode serves as a powerful reminder that healing is a journey, and it’s essential to approach it with self-compassion and support.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Type C Personality, Functional Freeze, Emotional Numbness, People Pleasing, Perfectionism, Stress Response, Trauma, Healing, Self-Compassion

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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The 5 P’s Used to Avoid Dating

Mon, 05 Jan 2026 08:00:13 +0000

In this insightful episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt dives into the five P's to avoid when dating: perfectionism, projecting, possessiveness, people pleasing, and pushing people away. With a blend of humor and honesty, Brianne unpacks how these personality traps can sabotage our relationships and hinder our ability to connect authentically with others.

Brianne encourages listeners to reflect on their dating behaviors and emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and healthy boundaries. She shares personal anecdotes and practical advice on how to break free from these detrimental patterns, allowing for more genuine connections. From learning to embrace imperfections to recognizing the significance of autonomy in relationships, this episode offers valuable insights for anyone navigating the complexities of modern dating.

Join Brianne as she empowers you to step into the new year with a fresh perspective on dating, reminding us that true connection comes from being our authentic selves. This episode is essential for anyone looking to foster healthier relationships and overcome the common pitfalls of dating.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Dating, Relationships, Perfectionism, Self-Awareness, Boundaries, Intimacy, Personal Growth, Authenticity

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

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Assertiveness Unleashed: The Power of Saying No

Mon, 29 Dec 2025 08:00:32 +0000

In this empowering episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt shines a light on the transformative power of assertiveness. Through candid discussion, Brianne demystifies assertiveness, explaining its significance in enhancing self-esteem, reducing stress, and cultivating healthier relationships. She emphasizes that being assertive is not about being aggressive or rude; rather, it’s about clearly and respectfully expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs.

Brianne shares valuable insights on how to navigate conflict and set boundaries without guilt, while still honoring the feelings of others. She provides practical tips for developing assertiveness, including the importance of direct communication, maintaining confident body language, and using "I" statements to express emotions. Listeners will learn how to practice assertiveness in everyday situations, gradually building their confidence and reducing anxiety around confrontation.

Join Brianne as she encourages you to embrace your voice and stand firm in your needs, reminding us that assertiveness is a vital skill that can lead to personal growth and stronger connections with others. This episode is a must-listen for anyone looking to break free from the constraints of passivity or aggression and step into their true power.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Assertiveness, Self-Esteem, Communication, Boundaries, Conflict Resolution, Personal Growth, Relationships, Empowerment, Emotional Well-Being

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

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Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

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Addicted to Worrying and Overthinking

Mon, 22 Dec 2025 08:00:37 +0000

In this enlightening episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt tackles the pervasive issue of addiction to worrying and overthinking. With a candid and relatable approach, Brianne explores how these compulsive behaviors can take a toll on our mental and physical well-being, often leading us into a cycle of anxiety and fear. She delves into the characteristics of this addiction, explaining how it manifests in our daily lives and the emotional and cognitive symptoms that accompany it.

Brianne emphasizes that overthinking is not just a habit but a behavioral addiction that can severely impact our ability to live in the present moment. Drawing from her own experiences and insights, she offers practical strategies for breaking free from these patterns, urging listeners to confront their thoughts with compassion and seek support when necessary. Through self-reflection and actionable steps, Brianne encourages a journey towards healing and reclaiming a more peaceful mindset.

Join Brianne as she invites you to examine your relationship with worry and discover the tools to overcome this common struggle. This episode is a powerful reminder that while change can be challenging, it is essential for personal growth and emotional freedom.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Addiction, Worrying, Overthinking, Mental Health, Anxiety, Coping Strategies, Self-Reflection, Healing, Emotional Well-being

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

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Breaking Free From Phubbing

Mon, 15 Dec 2025 08:00:25 +0000

Phones have quietly become one of the biggest threats to real connection, and in this episode of Secret Life, we unpack phubbing—the habit of choosing your phone over the person right in front of you. From partners texting while you’re talking to kids glued to their screens 24/7, this conversation goes beyond annoyance and into the emotional damage phubbing creates: disconnection, resentment, and feeling invisible in your own relationships. If you’re exhausted by competing with a device—or realizing you might be doing the same—this episode names the problem and challenges what we’ve all been normalizing for far too long.

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
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Future Faking: How “Someday” Becomes a Weapon

Mon, 08 Dec 2025 08:00:11 +0000

In this eye-opening episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt delves into the manipulative world of "future faking." This toxic tactic often seen in relationships involves making grand promises about the future without any intention of following through. Brianne explains how this behavior is designed to control and manipulate partners, creating a false sense of hope while keeping them emotionally invested.

With candid insights, Brianne outlines the key characteristics of future faking, including the crucial red flag of words not aligning with actions. She shares relatable anecdotes and practical examples, highlighting how this pattern can manifest in various relationship dynamics, from casual dating to long-term partnerships. Listeners will learn to recognize the signs of future faking, including vague timelines, unfulfilled promises, and the emotional rollercoaster of hope and disappointment.

Brianne empowers listeners with actionable strategies to address future faking in their relationships. She emphasizes the importance of communication, setting boundaries, and seeking support when necessary. By focusing on consistent actions rather than empty words, individuals can reclaim their emotional well-being and avoid being trapped in cycles of false promises.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Future Faking, Manipulation, Relationships, Love Bombing, Emotional Control, Communication, Boundaries, Self-Worth, Narcissism, Healing

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

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Hidden Scars: The 12 Core Wounds

Mon, 01 Dec 2025 08:00:33 +0000

On this episode of the Secret Life Podcast, Brianne Davis-Gantt dives straight into the reality of core wounds — the deep emotional injuries that quietly script our beliefs, reactions, and relationship patterns. She breaks down why every person carries at least one core wound and how these invisible fractures shape self-worth, attachment, and day-to-day behavior.

Brianne walks through all twelve core wounds, from abandonment and unlovability to inadequacy and invisibility, tracing how they originate in childhood experiences or unmet needs. She unpacks the survival patterns they generate — people-pleasing, emotional shut-down, compulsive caretaking, chronic anxiety — and how those patterns keep us locked in cycles that feel impossible to break.

She pushes listeners to confront and name their wounds, offering practical, grounded steps for healing: self-compassion, nervous-system awareness, and professional support when needed. The takeaway is simple but powerful: when you understand the wound, you stop letting it run the show. That clarity creates space for healthier relationships, steadier emotions, and a more honest relationship with yourself.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Core Wounds, Emotional Healing, Self-Awareness, Childhood Trauma, Mental Health, Self-Compassion, Relationships, Personal Growth, Anxiety, Depression

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

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How to "Unstuck" Yourself

Mon, 24 Nov 2025 08:00:39 +0000

In this empowering episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt tackles the pervasive feelings of being "stuck" that so many of us experience. With candid honesty, Brianne explores the psychological, emotional, and practical factors that contribute to this paralysis, from fear of change to the weight of past experiences. She emphasizes that many people are more comfortable clinging to the familiar pain of their current situation rather than venturing into the unknown.

Brianne dives deep into the cycle of holding on, sharing relatable anecdotes and insights about the struggle to let go of relationships, jobs, and limiting beliefs. She introduces listeners to the concept of “dropping the rock,” encouraging them to release the burdens that keep them trapped. With humor and raw vulnerability, she provides a step-by-step guide on how to get unstuck, emphasizing the importance of clarity, self-acceptance, and taking actionable steps towards growth.

This episode is a heartfelt invitation to embrace change and recognize that the journey to freedom begins with small, intentional actions. Join Brianne as she inspires you to break free from what holds you back and step into a life filled with possibility.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Stuck, Letting Go, Personal Growth, Fear of Change, Self-Doubt, Clarity, Action, Emotional Healing, Relationships, Transformation

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

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Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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15 Skills to Start Adulting Up

Mon, 17 Nov 2025 08:00:11 +0000

In this thought-provoking episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt tackles the pressing issue of "adulting up." What does it mean to truly embrace adulthood, and why are so many people hesitating to take that leap? Brianne dives deep into the psychological, environmental, and biological factors that contribute to the phenomenon of arrested development, exploring how unresolved childhood trauma and societal pressures can prevent individuals from fully stepping into their adult roles.

Joined by her co-host Mark Gantt, Brianne shares her personal insights and observations about the challenges many face when it comes to taking responsibility for their lives. From the importance of having good role models to the impact of financial stress, this episode sheds light on the various reasons why some adults struggle to evolve. Brianne also presents her top 15 actionable steps to help listeners "adult up," offering practical advice that encourages self-awareness, responsibility, and personal growth.

Whether you're grappling with feelings of inadequacy or simply looking for ways to enhance your adulting skills, this episode is packed with valuable insights and relatable anecdotes. Join Brianne and Mark as they navigate the complexities of adulthood and empower you to take charge of your life.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Adulting, Responsibility, Personal Growth, Childhood Trauma, Self-Awareness, Life Skills, Financial Responsibility, Relationships, Mental Health, Empowerment

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

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Why the Black Sheep Breaks the Cycle

Mon, 10 Nov 2025 08:00:26 +0000

Every family has one — the rebel, the truth-teller, the one who refuses to play by the family’s unspoken rules. This episode dives into what it really means to be the “black sheep.” Brianne opens up about her own experience as the misunderstood one, exploring how being labeled the problem child often means you’re actually the mirror—reflecting back the family’s hidden dysfunction.

If you’ve ever been told you’re “too sensitive,” “too emotional,” or “too much,” this one’s for you. Brianne reframes the black sheep not as the outcast, but as the light-bearer—the one brave enough to disrupt generational toxicity and start the healing. With raw honesty and a touch of humor, she shares how healing herself helped mend her family and why that rebellious streak might just be your superpower.

This episode is a love letter to every black sheep who refused to shrink. You’re not the problem—you’re the pattern breaker.

black sheep in families, family scapegoat, breaking family trauma, generational healing, toxic family dynamics, being misunderstood, emotional healing, recovery from family dysfunction, healing inner child, self-acceptance, mental health podcast, Brianne Davis Gantt, Secret Life Podcast, black sheep empowerment, cycle breaker stories

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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27 Unexpected Signs Your Partner Might Be Cheating

Mon, 03 Nov 2025 08:00:46 +0000

In this revealing episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt dives into the complex world of infidelity and the signs that your partner may be cheating. Drawing from her own experiences as a reformed cheater, Brianne offers a candid exploration of the behaviors and changes to look out for in a relationship. She shares her keen insights on spotting narcissism, dishonesty, and emotional detachment, emphasizing the importance of trusting your instincts when something feels off.

Throughout the episode, Brianne outlines specific signs of both emotional and physical cheating, including changes in intimacy, technology habits, and overall mood. She discusses the potential implications of secret friendships and the dangers of emotional affairs, urging listeners to recognize when their partner may be prioritizing someone else over their relationship. With a mix of humor and raw honesty, she encourages open communication and self-reflection as essential tools for navigating these difficult situations.

Brianne also provides guidance on how to address these issues with your partner, emphasizing the need for transparency and accountability. She highlights the importance of mutual support and the potential for growth, whether through therapy or honest conversations about feelings and needs. This episode serves as a powerful reminder that understanding the signs of infidelity is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships and fostering trust.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Infidelity, Cheating, Emotional Affairs, Trust, Relationships, Communication, Self-Reflection, Intimacy, Transparency, Personal Growth

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

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Evolve Together: How to Create a Thriving Long-term Relationship

Mon, 27 Oct 2025 07:00:34 +0000

In this enlightening episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt, alongside her special guest Mark Gantt, navigates the intricate journey of evolving as a couple. Drawing from their own 20-year relationship, they explore the three paths couples can take: stagnation in escapism, one partner evolving while the other remains stagnant, or both partners growing together. Brianne and Mark emphasize the significance of conscious evolution in relationships, highlighting the importance of communication, vulnerability, and shared goals.

Throughout the episode, they candidly discuss their personal experiences, including the challenges of maintaining connection amidst individual pursuits and the transformations that arise from facing fears together. Listeners will gain insights into the signs of growing apart and practical steps for nurturing a partnership that thrives on mutual support and collaboration. This episode serves as a powerful reminder that true partnership requires effort, understanding, and a commitment to evolve together.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Couples, Evolution, Partnership, Communication, Vulnerability, Relationship Goals, Personal Growth, Support, Connection, Love

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

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Where Did You Lose Your Sense of Self?

Mon, 20 Oct 2025 07:00:06 +0000

In this thought-provoking episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt delves into the intricate concept of the sense of self. With her signature blend of humor and authenticity, Brianne explores how our sense of self shapes our self-image, self-worth, and overall identity. She poses poignant questions to her listeners, encouraging them to reflect on their own journeys and the moments they may have lost their sense of self.

Throughout the episode, Brianne discusses the significance of self-awareness and how our interactions with the world around us—family dynamics, societal expectations, and personal experiences—contribute to the development of our identity. She shares her own transformative journey, illustrating how understanding and embracing both the light and shadow aspects of ourselves can lead to profound personal growth.

Listeners will gain valuable insights into the signs of a strong sense of self, including the ability to empathize without taking on others' burdens, accepting responsibility for one's choices, and enjoying both social interactions and solitude. Brianne emphasizes that developing a robust sense of self is a lifelong process, one that requires continuous reflection, acceptance, and the courage to evolve. This episode serves as a powerful reminder that true strength lies in embracing our authentic selves and honoring our unique paths.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Sense of Self, Self-Awareness, Identity, Personal Growth, Self-Worth, Empathy, Reflection, Authenticity, Boundaries, Mental Health, Lifelong Process

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

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SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

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The Art of Letting Go: Navigating Life Beyond Ego

Mon, 13 Oct 2025 07:00:03 +0000

In this insightful episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt dives deep into the journey of transcending the ego. With her signature blend of humor and vulnerability, Brianne explores the importance of self-awareness, mindfulness, and humility as essential tools for personal growth. She candidly shares her own experiences and the transformative power of embracing vulnerability and selflessness.

Throughout the episode, Brianne outlines practical strategies for breaking free from ego-driven behaviors. She emphasizes the significance of being present in the moment, observing thoughts without judgment, and learning from mistakes. By fostering a mindset of continuous evolution and gratitude, listeners are encouraged to shift their focus from self-importance to connection with the world around them.

Brianne also discusses the value of empathy, the dangers of comparison, and the need for self-reflection in overcoming ego. By engaging in selfless acts and practicing emotional awareness, individuals can foster deeper connections and cultivate a healthier relationship with themselves and others. This episode serves as a powerful reminder that true strength lies in humility and the willingness to grow beyond our self-imposed limitations.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Ego, Self-Awareness, Humility, Mindfulness, Personal Growth, Vulnerability, Empathy, Gratitude, Selflessness, Emotional Awareness, Connection

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

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Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

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The Illusion of Control: How Enabling Fuels Addiction

Mon, 06 Oct 2025 07:00:36 +0000

In this compelling episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt confronts the often misunderstood concept of enabling in the context of addiction. With her characteristic honesty and humor, Brianne sheds light on how enabling behaviors can mask deeper emotional discomfort and perpetuate the cycle of addiction. She shares her insights from years of personal experience in recovery and her work with others, emphasizing that enabling is not an act of love but a misguided attempt to exert control over a loved one’s addiction.

Throughout the episode, Brianne outlines the signs of enabling, including making excuses for a loved one’s behavior, prioritizing their needs over your own, and feeling anxious when unable to help. She passionately argues that true support for an addict requires setting boundaries and allowing them to face the consequences of their actions. Listeners will learn practical steps to break the cycle of enabling, such as empowering loved ones to take responsibility for themselves, reframing financial support, and prioritizing personal well-being.

This episode serves as a crucial reminder that recovery is a personal journey and that sometimes the most loving thing we can do is to step back and allow our loved ones to confront their challenges head-on. Join Brianne as she navigates the complexities of enabling and offers hope for healthier relationships and personal growth.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Enabling, Addiction, Recovery, Boundaries, Emotional Discomfort, Family Dynamics, Support, Codependency, Personal Growth, Consequences, Mental Health

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

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Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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Breaking Free from Toxic Productivity

Mon, 29 Sep 2025 07:00:11 +0000

In this enlightening episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt tackles the pervasive issue of toxic productivity. With her unique blend of humor and vulnerability, Brianne explores how the relentless drive to produce can lead to burnout and a distorted sense of self-worth. She shares personal anecdotes and insights into the detrimental effects of equating productivity with value, highlighting the importance of rest and self-care.

Throughout the episode, Brianne identifies key signs of toxic productivity, such as guilt over downtime, neglecting self-care, and the pressure to constantly be busy. She candidly discusses how societal expectations and childhood experiences contribute to this unhealthy mindset, urging listeners to recognize the negative impact it has on their mental and emotional well-being.

Listeners will gain practical strategies for combating toxic productivity, including setting boundaries, practicing self-compassion, and reframing their perception of rest. Brianne emphasizes the necessity of defining personal values separate from work accomplishments, encouraging everyone to embrace moments of stillness and self-reflection. This episode serves as a powerful reminder that true success lies in balance and self-acceptance, rather than relentless hustle.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Toxic Productivity, Self-Worth, Burnout, Guilt, Self-Care, Boundaries, Mental Health, Rest, Societal Pressure, Perfectionism, Work-Life Balance, Personal Values

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

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Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

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The 7 Triggers of Cognitive Dissonance

Mon, 22 Sep 2025 07:00:35 +0000

In this thought-provoking episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt delves into the complex phenomenon of cognitive dissonance. With her trademark blend of humor and authenticity, Brianne unpacks the psychological discomfort that arises when we hold conflicting beliefs, ideas, and values simultaneously. She shares her personal experiences and insights gained from years of navigating the challenges of addiction recovery.

Throughout the episode, Brianne illustrates how cognitive dissonance manifests in various aspects of life, from toxic relationships to unhealthy habits. She emphasizes the struggle between the comfort of familiar patterns and the discomfort of making healthier choices. Listeners will gain a deeper understanding of the mental tension that accompanies these conflicts and learn practical strategies for confronting and overcoming them.

Brianne provides relatable examples, from the allure of unhealthy foods to the difficulties of breaking free from toxic relationships, and encourages listeners to sit with their discomfort rather than seeking immediate escape. By recognizing the signs of cognitive dissonance and the impact it has on decision-making, individuals can begin to align their actions with their true values and long-term goals.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Cognitive Dissonance, Psychological Discomfort, Conflicting Beliefs, Toxic Relationships, Personal Growth, Decision-Making, Self-Reflection, Addiction Recovery, Healthy Choices, Mental Tension, Emotional Awareness

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

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Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

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Embracing the Dark: The Power of Shadow Work

Mon, 15 Sep 2025 07:00:56 +0000

In this transformative episode, Brianne Davis-Gantt dives deep into the compelling world of shadow work. With her signature blend of candor and humor, Brianne shares her personal journey of embracing the darker aspects of herself and how this process can lead to profound self-acceptance and personal growth. She discusses the importance of acknowledging our shadow selves—the hidden, often repressed parts of our personality—and how doing so can improve our relationships and overall well-being.

Throughout the episode, Brianne outlines her own experiences with shadow work, revealing how it has shaped her life and her approach to helping clients. She emphasizes that everyone has a shadow and that recognizing and owning our darker traits is essential for true healing. Listeners will learn practical strategies for engaging in shadow work, including prompts to identify hidden emotions and patterns that may be holding them back.

Brianne also shares the signs that indicate someone has begun to effectively engage in shadow work, such as the ability to laugh at oneself, assertiveness in setting boundaries, and the courage to confront challenges with grace. This episode serves as a powerful reminder that embracing our full selves—both light and dark—is key to living authentically and fostering meaningful connections with others.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Shadow Work, Self-Acceptance, Personal Growth, Inner Child, Trauma, Acknowledgment, Relationships, Healing, Authenticity, Boundaries, Self-Discovery, Emotional Awareness

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

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Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

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Addicted to Drama: Healing Emotional Addiction

Mon, 08 Sep 2025 07:00:07 +0000

In this eye-opening episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt takes a deep dive into the fascinating yet troubling world of emotional addiction. With her characteristic blend of humor and raw honesty, Brianne explores the intense highs and lows that come with seeking emotional drama as a coping mechanism. She reveals how many individuals find themselves caught in a cycle of destructive behavior, constantly craving the rush of emotional intensity to fill an inner void.

Throughout the episode, Brianne discusses the signs of emotional addiction, including the compulsive need for drama, the dopamine hits that accompany these emotional highs, and the detrimental effects on mental health such as increased anxiety, mood instability, and chronic stress. She emphasizes the importance of recognizing these patterns and offers practical strategies for breaking free from the cycle of emotional chaos.

Listeners will learn how to pause and sit with discomfort instead of seeking out drama for a quick emotional fix. By embracing stillness and self-reflection, they can begin to regulate their emotions and appreciate the beauty of everyday life without relying on the highs and lows of emotional addiction. This episode serves as a powerful reminder that true fulfillment comes from within, not from the chaos of external drama.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Emotional Addiction, Drama, Dopamine Hits, Mental Health, Anxiety, Mood Instability, Self-Regulation, Coping Mechanisms, Emotional Intensity, Personal Growth, Stillness, Self-Reflection

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

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Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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How to Stop People Pleasing and Set Boundaries

Mon, 01 Sep 2025 07:00:02 +0000

In this empowering episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt takes a deep dive into the world of people pleasing and the critical importance of setting boundaries. With her signature blend of humor and candor, Brianne defines what it means to be a people pleaser—someone who prioritizes the happiness of others at the expense of their own needs and desires. Through personal anecdotes and relatable insights, she highlights the detrimental effects of people pleasing, including low self-esteem, difficulty saying no, and the tendency to neglect self-care.

Brianne outlines the signs of being a people pleaser and offers practical strategies for breaking free from this cycle. From learning to say no to recognizing the value of self-worth, she guides listeners on how to reclaim their autonomy and prioritize their own needs without guilt. Throughout the episode, she emphasizes that it’s okay to be unliked and that conflict can lead to deeper intimacy in relationships.

Listeners will walk away with actionable steps to start setting healthy boundaries, including how to communicate their needs effectively and remove toxic relationships from their lives. This episode serves as a powerful reminder that self-care is not selfish, but a vital part of living a fulfilling life.

🔑 Episode Keywords

People Pleasing, Boundaries, Self-Care, Low Self-Esteem, Conflict, Autonomy, Saying No, Toxic Relationships, Self-Worth, Emotional Health, Personal Growth, Communication

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

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Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

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5 Types of Perfectionists -The Pressure to Be Perfect

Mon, 25 Aug 2025 07:00:03 +0000

In this enlightening episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt delves into the pervasive issue of perfectionism and its profound impact on mental and physical health. With her signature blend of humor and honesty, Brianne explores the pressures that drive individuals to seek perfection, revealing how these high expectations can lead to anxiety, depression, and burnout.

Throughout the episode, Brianne outlines the five distinct types of perfectionism: classic, procrastinator, messy, intense, and Parisian. She shares personal anecdotes and observations, including her experiences with her own child, to illustrate how perfectionism can manifest in everyday life. Listeners will learn to identify the signs of perfectionism and how it can trap them in a cycle of self-criticism and dissatisfaction.

Brianne offers practical strategies for breaking free from the constraints of perfectionism, emphasizing the importance of self-compassion, setting realistic goals, and celebrating progress over perfection. She encourages listeners to embrace their flaws and recognize that perfection is an unattainable ideal. This episode serves as a powerful reminder that the journey toward self-acceptance is far more rewarding than the pursuit of perfection.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Perfectionism, Mental Health, Anxiety, Depression, Burnout, Self-Criticism, Self-Compassion, Realistic Goals, Personal Growth, Progress Over Perfection, Healthy Perfectionism, Five Types of Perfectionism

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

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Navigating the Four Types of Emotionally Immature Parents

Mon, 18 Aug 2025 07:00:11 +0000

In this thought-provoking episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt dives deep into the complex dynamics of emotionally immature parents. With her characteristic honesty and humor, Brianne outlines the four distinct types of these parents: the driven, emotional, passive, and rejecting parent. She shares her insights on how each type manifests in relationships and the profound impact they have on their children.

Throughout the episode, Brianne discusses the traits and behaviors associated with emotionally immature parents, such as instability, lack of accountability, and self-centeredness. She emphasizes the importance of recognizing these patterns and how they can affect adult children, leading to low self-esteem, difficulties in forming healthy relationships, and challenges in emotional regulation.

Listeners will find valuable strategies for navigating these complex relationships, including setting boundaries and practicing self-reflection. Brianne encourages everyone to break the cycle of emotional immaturity, urging parents to engage in personal growth and self-care to foster healthier connections with their children. This episode serves as a powerful reminder that understanding our past can pave the way for a brighter future.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Emotionally Immature Parents, Driven Parent, Emotional Parent, Passive Parent, Rejecting Parent, Self-Esteem, Relationships, Boundaries, Personal Growth, Emotional Regulation, Generational Trauma, Self-Care, Healing

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Relationship Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (ROCD)

Mon, 11 Aug 2025 07:00:04 +0000

In this insightful episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt unpacks the complexities of Relationship Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (ROCD), a condition that plagues many individuals with intrusive and obsessive thoughts about their romantic relationships. With her signature blend of humor and candidness, Brianne explores the symptoms and behaviors associated with ROCD, shedding light on how this disorder can create emotional turmoil and self-doubt.

Throughout the episode, Brianne shares her own experiences and the stories of those who have battled with ROCD, illustrating the relentless cycle of doubt and anxiety that can arise in relationships. She discusses the key characteristics of ROCD, including compulsive behaviors like seeking constant reassurance, comparing relationships, and the emotional exhaustion that comes from ruminating over perceived flaws in partners.

Listeners will gain valuable insights into the difference between normal relationship anxiety and the obsessive nature of ROCD. Brianne emphasizes the importance of recognizing these patterns and offers practical coping strategies, such as grounding techniques, journaling, and focusing on the present moment. This episode serves as a powerful reminder that understanding and addressing one’s mental health is crucial for building healthy relationships.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Relationship OCD, ROCD, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Intrusive Thoughts, Anxiety, Compulsive Behaviors, Emotional Exhaustion, Self-Doubt, Coping Strategies, Mental Health, Relationships, Communication, Support Groups

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

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Psychopaths vs Sociopaths

Mon, 04 Aug 2025 07:00:03 +0000

In this gripping episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt takes a deep dive into the often-misunderstood world of psychopaths and sociopaths. With her unique blend of insight and humor, Brianne explores the key differences between these two personality types, unraveling the complexities of their behaviors and the underlying causes that shape them.

Throughout the episode, Brianne shares her experiences working with individuals who exhibit these traits, emphasizing that while psychopaths are often born with certain genetic predispositions, sociopaths develop their behaviors through environmental factors and trauma. She highlights the stark contrasts in their behaviors—psychopaths tend to be controlled and manipulative, while sociopaths exhibit impulsive and erratic tendencies.

Listeners will gain valuable insights into the characteristics that define these personalities, from the lack of empathy and emotional connections to the calculated and often charming facade that psychopaths can present. Brianne provides practical advice for recognizing and protecting oneself from these individuals, emphasizing the importance of setting boundaries and prioritizing self-care.

This episode serves as a powerful reminder of the impact that understanding personality disorders can have on our relationships and well-being. Tune in for a thought-provoking conversation that encourages listeners to navigate their interactions with empathy and awareness, all while safeguarding their own mental health.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Psychopath, Sociopath, Personality Disorders, Trauma, Emotional Manipulation, Empathy, Relationships, Self-Care, Boundaries, Mental Health, Narcissism, Impulsivity, Awareness, Protection

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

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The 4 Types of Shame

Mon, 28 Jul 2025 07:00:00 +0000

In this powerful episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt bravely confronts the often misunderstood emotion of shame. With her characteristic blend of authenticity and humor, Brianne delves into the four distinct types of shame: existential, situational, class, and narcissistic, revealing how each can profoundly affect our self-worth and relationships.

Throughout the episode, Brianne shares her personal experiences and insights, illustrating how shame manifests in our lives and the detrimental impact it can have on our mental health. She emphasizes the difference between shame and guilt, providing clarity on how these emotions shape our identities and behaviors. Listeners will resonate with her anecdotes of feeling unworthy and inadequate, as she encourages a journey of self-discovery and healing.

Brianne also offers practical strategies for recognizing and addressing toxic shame, urging listeners to cultivate self-acceptance, challenge negative beliefs, and seek healthy relationships. This episode serves as a poignant reminder that while shame can feel isolating, it is a shared human experience that can be transformed through awareness and action. Tune in for an enlightening conversation that invites you to face your shame and reclaim your worth.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Shame, Toxic Shame, Existential Shame, Situational Shame, Class Shame, Narcissistic Shame, Self-Worth, Mental Health, Guilt, Emotional Healing, Personal Growth, Self-Acceptance, Relationships, Mindfulness, Recovery

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

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Intuitive Eating

Mon, 21 Jul 2025 07:00:14 +0000

In this enlightening episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt dives deep into the transformative philosophy of intuitive eating. With her signature blend of humor and vulnerability, Brianne shares her personal journey of healing from an eating disorder and body dysmorphia, emphasizing the importance of making peace with food and embracing a non-diet mentality.

Throughout the episode, Brianne unpacks the nine key principles of intuitive eating, encouraging listeners to reject the restrictive dieting mentality and instead honor their hunger cues. She discusses the significance of challenging the “food police,” recognizing the satisfaction factor in meals, and discovering the joy of eating without guilt or shame. By sharing relatable anecdotes and practical strategies, Brianne empowers listeners to reconnect with their bodies, appreciate their health, and cultivate a positive relationship with food.

Listeners will gain valuable insights into how intuitive eating can lead to improved self-esteem, better mental health, and a healthier body image. Brianne's candid discussion serves as a reminder that nourishing our bodies should be a joyful experience, free from judgment and emotional turmoil. Tune in for a heartfelt conversation that invites you to embrace your body and food in a whole new way.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Intuitive Eating, Non-Diet Mentality, Body Dysmorphia, Eating Disorders, Food Freedom, Hunger Cues, Body Acceptance, Self-Compassion, Healthy Relationships with Food, Emotional Eating, Nourishment, Personal Growth, Mindfulness, Mental Health, Empowerment

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

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7 Types of Dysfunctional Families

Mon, 14 Jul 2025 07:00:06 +0000

In this revealing episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt confronts the complex dynamics of dysfunctional families. With her trademark authenticity, Brianne breaks down the seven types of dysfunctional family systems, including enmeshment, authoritarianism, and emotional neglect, shedding light on how these patterns can shape our lives and relationships.

Throughout the episode, she explores the roles individuals often assume within these families—scapegoat, hero, lost child, and more—demystifying how these roles contribute to the ongoing cycle of dysfunction. Brianne shares her personal insights and encourages listeners to reflect on their own family backgrounds, emphasizing that it is possible to break free from these inherited patterns.

Listeners will gain practical tools for recognizing and addressing dysfunction in their own lives, empowering them to take charge of their narratives and create healthier family dynamics. Brianne's candid discussion serves as a powerful reminder that change is possible if one is willing to do the work. Tune in for a thought-provoking conversation that invites you to examine your roots and redefine your future.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Dysfunctional Families, Family Dynamics, Enmeshment, Authoritarianism, Emotional Neglect, Family Roles, Scapegoat, Hero, Lost Child, Healing, Personal Growth, Breaking Patterns, Self-Reflection, Change, Relationships, Empowerment, Recovery

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
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Intellectual Intimacy

Mon, 07 Jul 2025 07:00:23 +0000

In this thought-provoking episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt delves into the often underestimated realm of intellectual intimacy. With her signature blend of humor and honesty, Brianne explores what it truly means to connect on a mental level, emphasizing the importance of meaningful conversations that extend beyond surface-level interactions.

Throughout the episode, Brianne shares her insights gained from working with a client focused on enhancing his relational skills, particularly in the area of intellectual intimacy. She breaks down practical ways to cultivate a deeper connection through shared learning experiences, stimulating discussions, and mutual exploration of interests. From discussing favorite songs and their meanings to exploring new hobbies, Brianne illustrates how these interactions can significantly enrich relationships.

Listeners will discover actionable strategies for fostering intellectual intimacy, such as asking thoughtful questions, sharing educational experiences, and engaging in healthy debates. Brianne stresses that true connection goes beyond physical attraction, highlighting the power of emotional and intellectual bonds in creating a fulfilling partnership. Tune in for an enlightening conversation that promises to inspire you to deepen your connections and embrace the beauty of shared intellectual pursuits.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Intellectual Intimacy, Meaningful Conversations, Relationship Building, Emotional Connection, Shared Interests, Communication, Personal Growth, Learning Together, Healthy Relationships, Mutual Exploration, Connection, Curiosity, Growth, Vulnerability, Trust, Support, Collaboration

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

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10 Signs of Gaslighting

Mon, 30 Jun 2025 07:00:57 +0000

In this eye-opening episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt dives into the insidious world of gaslighting—a form of emotional manipulation that can leave victims questioning their own reality. With her characteristic candor, Brianne explores the ten signs of gaslighting, providing listeners with the tools to recognize and combat this toxic behavior in their relationships.

Throughout the episode, Brianne breaks down the various tactics employed by gaslighters, from denying events and twisting narratives to playing the victim and shaming their partners. She shares relatable anecdotes, including a story from a client who discovered the truth about his own gaslighting experience. By unpacking this complex topic, Brianne empowers listeners to trust their instincts and reclaim their sense of self-worth.

Listeners will learn practical strategies to navigate encounters with gaslighters, including the importance of establishing a support system, documenting experiences, and focusing on self-care. Brianne emphasizes the significance of connecting with one's intuition and recognizing the signs of emotional abuse, urging everyone to take control of their narrative and set healthy boundaries. Tune in for an enlightening discussion that promises to illuminate the dark corners of gaslighting and inspire you to reclaim your power.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Gaslighting, Emotional Manipulation, Self-Worth, Intuition, Emotional Abuse, Toxic Relationships, Communication, Boundaries, Support System, Self-Care, Awareness, Personal Growth, Mental Health, Empowerment, Trust, Relationship Dynamics, Coping Strategies, Healing, Recovery

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

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Emotional Flooding

Mon, 23 Jun 2025 07:00:00 +0000

In this powerful episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt takes a deep dive into the phenomenon of emotional flooding—a state where overwhelming emotions can lead to a temporary shutdown of our ability to think and communicate effectively. Brianne candidly shares her own experiences with emotional flooding, illustrating how it can manifest during life changes, relationship conflicts, or unexpected stressors.

Throughout the episode, Brianne defines emotional flooding and discusses its impact on our mental health and relationships. She explores how our nervous system reacts during these moments, leading to feelings of anxiety, anger, or withdrawal. With her trademark honesty, she provides listeners with practical strategies to manage and prevent emotional flooding, emphasizing the importance of self-awareness and emotional self-care.

Listeners will learn how to identify their emotions, take necessary pauses, and communicate effectively with their partners during times of distress. Brianne encourages reflection on underlying issues that contribute to emotional flooding, advocating for a holistic approach to emotional health. Tune in for an insightful conversation that promises to equip you with the tools to navigate emotional challenges and foster healthier relationships.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Emotional Flooding, Mental Health, Relationships, Self-Awareness, Coping Strategies, Communication, Anxiety, Emotional Self-Care, Vulnerability, Stress Management, Personal Growth, Emotional Intelligence, Conflict Resolution, Healing, Self-Reflection, Recovery, Boundaries, Self-Discovery

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

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Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

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7 Surprising Habits of Codependency

Mon, 16 Jun 2025 07:00:00 +0000

In this revealing episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt uncovers the often-overlooked habits of codependency that can silently sabotage our relationships and self-worth. Drawing from her own experiences and extensive knowledge, Brianne explores the intricate dynamics between codependents and narcissists, highlighting how both seek control and power in their interactions.

Throughout the episode, Brianne identifies seven surprising habits that may indicate codependent tendencies. From depending on others for self-worth to the inability to express needs directly, she delves deep into the psychological patterns that keep individuals trapped in a cycle of anxiety and manipulation. Listeners will learn how the fear of abandonment can lead to self-sabotaging behaviors, such as fawning and appeasing others while neglecting their own needs.

Brianne's candid approach encourages listeners to reflect on their own behaviors and consider how they can break free from these toxic patterns. By acknowledging and addressing the underlying anxiety that fuels codependency, she provides a pathway to reclaiming personal power and fostering healthier relationships. Tune in for an enlightening discussion that promises to shed light on the complexities of codependency and empower listeners to embark on their own journey of self-discovery.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Codependency, Narcissism, Self-Worth, Manipulation, Anxiety, Relationship Dynamics, Emotional Health, Personal Growth, Self-Discovery, Communication, Boundaries, Empowerment, Emotional Intelligence, Self-Acceptance, Mental Health, Fawning, Social Anxiety, Emotional Patterns, Healing, Recovery

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

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5 Tips to Healthy Family Relationships

Mon, 09 Jun 2025 07:00:00 +0000

In this eye-opening episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt tackles the complexities of dysfunctional family systems and offers practical strategies for fostering healthier relationships. Drawing from her extensive experience, Brianne delves into the root causes of family dysfunction, including poor communication, emotional neglect, and unresolved trauma. With her signature blend of humor and honesty, she shares five actionable ways to improve family dynamics and promote emotional well-being.

Brianne introduces the concept of the "feelings wheel," a tool designed to help family members articulate their emotions and foster deeper connections. She emphasizes the importance of allowing everyone to experience their feelings without judgment, encouraging listeners to embrace their moods and create a safe environment for emotional expression. The conversation also covers the significance of shared experiences, such as learning new activities together and enjoying quality time without screens.

As the episode progresses, Brianne highlights the value of healthy conflict in relationships, asserting that disagreements can lead to greater understanding and intimacy. By demonstrating how to navigate conflicts openly, she aims to equip listeners with the skills to resolve issues constructively. Tune in for a transformative discussion that empowers you to break free from dysfunctional patterns and cultivate a more supportive and loving family environment.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Dysfunctional Families, Healthy Relationships, Communication, Emotional Neglect, Feelings Wheel, Family Dynamics, Conflict Resolution, Emotional Safety, Self-Care, Quality Time, Shared Experiences, Parenting, Family Support, Emotional Well-Being, Family Bonding, Personal Growth, Family Therapy, Autonomy, Empathy, Connection

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

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Autosexuality

Mon, 02 Jun 2025 07:00:00 +0000

In this enlightening episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt dives into the intriguing world of autosexuality—a term that describes individuals who experience sexual attraction primarily towards themselves. With her characteristic honesty and humor, Brianne unpacks this often-misunderstood concept, shedding light on what it means to be autosexual and how it differs from other sexual orientations.

Brianne explores the nuances of autosexuality, discussing how it can manifest in various ways, from self-pleasure to fantasizing about one's own body. She shares insights on how this self-focused attraction can coexist with romantic feelings for others, emphasizing that autosexuality is not a mental disorder but rather a unique sexual preference that celebrates self-love and acceptance.

Throughout the episode, Brianne highlights key characteristics of autosexual individuals, including their tendency to find pleasure in their own bodies, the importance of self-connection, and the potential intimacy challenges that can arise. She encourages listeners to reflect on their own experiences and consider how self-acceptance can enhance their relationships with themselves and others.

As the conversation unfolds, Brianne reminds us that embracing our identities—no matter how unconventional—can lead to greater fulfillment and connection. Tune in for a thought-provoking exploration of autosexuality and the importance of understanding our own desires.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Autosexuality, Self-Love, Intimacy Disorders, Sexual Attraction, Self-Pleasure, Self-Acceptance, Self-Stimulation, Sexual Identity, Narcissism, Romantic Attraction, Self-Discovery, Sexual Orientation, Body Positivity, Mental Health, Self-Fulfillment, Sexual Fantasies, Intimacy Issues, Emotional Connection, Personal Growth, Self-Exploration

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

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Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

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Three Common Pitfalls in the First Healthy Relationship

Mon, 26 May 2025 07:00:00 +0000

Navigating the world of relationships can often feel like a chaotic rollercoaster, especially for those transitioning from toxic dynamics to healthier ones. In the latest episode of the podcast, we delve into the common pitfalls that individuals encounter when they first step into a healthy relationship.

Brianne Davis-Gantt, our insightful host, sheds light on the journey of self-discovery and emotional growth that accompanies this transition. After years of grappling with love addiction, Brianne has emerged with valuable lessons that she shares openly with her listeners. One of the most striking revelations is the misconception that healthy relationships are boring.

For many, the thrill of chaos and dysfunction has been mistaken for passion. When entering a stable and nurturing relationship, the absence of drama can feel unsettling. Brianne highlights this as a significant hurdle, explaining that individuals often find themselves questioning their feelings and second-guessing their partner's intentions.

The episode outlines three major pitfalls: anxiety, confusion, and the perception of boredom. Anxiety often arises from the fear of trusting someone new, especially when past experiences have been fraught with turmoil. Confusion follows, as individuals grapple with the unfamiliar territory of open communication and mutual respect. Lastly, the feeling of boredom can be overwhelming, as the brain struggles to adjust to the calmness of a healthy relationship.

Brianne encourages listeners to embrace these feelings, reminding them that it's natural to feel anxious or confused when learning to navigate a new dynamic. She likens the experience to being a baby learning to walk, emphasizing that patience and self-compassion are key during this adjustment period.

The episode serves as a reminder that while healthy relationships may initially feel dull, they are, in fact, a safe harbor where individuals can grow and thrive together. As listeners tune in, they are invited to reflect on their own relationship patterns and consider how they can foster healthier connections moving forward.

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

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Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

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The 12 Steps of Radical Acceptance

Mon, 19 May 2025 07:00:00 +0000

In this powerful episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt confronts the challenging concept of radical acceptance, a skill rooted in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). With her signature candidness, Brianne emphasizes that everything in life is ultimately beyond our control, and the key to navigating this reality lies in how we respond to it.

Brianne breaks down the 12 steps of radical acceptance, guiding listeners through the process of acknowledging and honoring difficult emotions and situations without judgment. She highlights the importance of accepting life on its own terms, rather than succumbing to toxic positivity or escapism. Through personal anecdotes and relatable insights, she encourages listeners to embrace their feelings, practice mindfulness, and engage in self-compassion.

This episode is not just about accepting the hard truths of life; it's about transforming pain into growth. Brianne reminds us that by relinquishing the need to control outcomes, we can find healing and resilience. Tune in as she shares practical strategies for implementing radical acceptance in everyday life, empowering you to face challenges head-on and emerge stronger.

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

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Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

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High-Functioning PTSD

Mon, 12 May 2025 07:00:00 +0000

In the latest episode of our podcast, we delve into a topic that resonates with many but is often overlooked: high functioning trauma and PTSD. Briannne Davis-Gantt, our host, opens up about the hidden struggles faced by individuals who appear to have it all together on the surface. They may be successful in their careers and maintain an active social life, but beneath that exterior lies a complex web of unresolved trauma that can lead to burnout and emotional distress.

High functioning PTSD is characterized by individuals who have experienced significant trauma but choose to suppress it rather than confront it. This suppression can lead to a range of issues, including anxiety, depression, and difficulties in relationships. Brannne shares her personal experiences, revealing how childhood neglect has manifested in her adult life, and emphasizes that trauma doesn’t just disappear; it remains trapped in our bodies, waiting to be addressed.

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

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Parental Alienation vs. Justified Estrangement

Mon, 05 May 2025 07:00:00 +0000

In this compelling episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt dives deep into the controversial topic of parental alienation and justified estrangement. With a heartfelt shout-out to those who choose to distance themselves from toxic parental relationships, Brianne explores the complexities of family dynamics and the emotional toll they can take on children.

Brianne passionately discusses the distinction between parental alienation—where one parent intentionally undermines a child's relationship with the other—and justified estrangement, which occurs when children make the conscious choice to distance themselves from an abusive or toxic parent. Drawing from her own experiences, she emphasizes the importance of honesty and transparency in parenting, particularly when children begin to ask difficult questions about their family situation.

This episode not only sheds light on the psychological effects of parental manipulation but also encourages listeners to reflect on their own behaviors and relationships. Brianne reminds us that children are perceptive and deserve the truth, even when it’s uncomfortable. She offers valuable insights on how to foster healthy relationships with our children, urging parents to look inward and consider how their actions may impact their child's well-being.

Join Brianne on this enlightening journey as she navigates the murky waters of family secrets, honesty, and the quest for healing. Tune in to gain a deeper understanding of the impact of parental dynamics and how we can all strive to be better for the next generation.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Parental Alienation, Justified Estrangement, Toxic Parents, Emotional Honesty, Child-Parent Relationships, Recovery Journey, Self-Awareness, Family Dynamics, Secrets And Lies, Communication In Families, Emotional Abuse, Narcissistic Parents, Mental Health, Childhood Trauma, Coping Mechanisms, Personal Growth, Breaking The Cycle, Family Conflict Resolution, Love Addiction Recovery, Honesty In Parenting

______

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
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Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

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Excessive Screen Time

Mon, 28 Apr 2025 07:00:00 +0000

In the latest episode of our podcast, we tackle a topic that resonates with many: excessive screen time. In an age where our devices are an extension of ourselves, the impact of social media and digital distractions is becoming increasingly evident. Host M. Brianne Davis Gant candidly shares her personal experiences with screen addiction and its detrimental effects on mental health, particularly depression.

Brianne opens the episode by expressing her disdain for social media, describing it as a force that "sucks the life out of me." This sentiment is not uncommon, as many individuals find themselves scrolling endlessly, only to feel empty and disconnected afterward. The irony is that while these platforms are designed to connect us, they often do the opposite, isolating us from real human interaction.

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
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Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

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Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD)

Mon, 21 Apr 2025 07:00:00 +0000

In this thought-provoking episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt explores the complex and often misunderstood realm of antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) and highly functioning sociopaths. With a candid and engaging approach, Brianne delves into the traits that define these individuals, highlighting how they may seamlessly blend into society while harboring a lack of empathy and moral disregard.

Throughout the episode, Brianne shares fascinating insights and real-life examples, emphasizing that many people with ASPD are not the violent criminals often portrayed in media but rather everyday individuals who manipulate and exploit for personal gain. She discusses the importance of recognizing the signs of this disorder, such as impulsivity, charm, and a troubling disregard for the feelings of others.

Listeners will gain a deeper understanding of the origins of ASPD, including the role of childhood trauma and environmental factors in its development. Brianne offers practical advice for those who may be in relationships with someone exhibiting these traits, emphasizing the need for strong communication and self-awareness to navigate the complexities of such dynamics.

This episode serves as a crucial reminder that while the journey of understanding and connecting with individuals with ASPD can be challenging, it is not impossible. Tune in to uncover the layers of this often-hidden disorder and learn how to foster meaningful connections, even in the face of adversity.

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
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Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

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Scarcity Dating

Mon, 14 Apr 2025 07:00:00 +0000

In this eye-opening episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt tackles the pervasive issue of "scarcity dating." With a bold and unapologetic approach, she challenges the mindset that there is only one perfect partner out there for each of us. Brianne passionately argues that with over 8.2 billion people on the planet, the idea of a singular soulmate is not only unrealistic but also rooted in fear and scarcity thinking.

Throughout the episode, Brianne shares her own experiences and insights, emphasizing the importance of self-connection and self-worth in the dating process. She encourages listeners to approach dating with an open heart and a mindset of abundance, rather than clinging to the fear of missing out on the "one." By reframing dating as an opportunity for connection and joy, she invites her audience to enjoy the journey without the pressure of finding a perfect match.

Listeners will gain valuable tools for navigating the dating world, including recognizing red flags, setting healthy boundaries, and understanding the significance of self-reflection. Brianne reminds us that healthy relationships are built on the foundation of self-love and authenticity, rather than dependency or scarcity.

This episode is a liberating reminder that you are enough just as you are, and the journey to finding love should be about connection, fun, and self-discovery. Tune in to break free from the constraints of scarcity thinking and embrace a more fulfilling approach to dating.

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
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Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

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Healing the Father Wound

Sun, 06 Apr 2025 22:00:00 +0000

In this powerful episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt dives deep into the often-overlooked topic of the "father wound." She candidly explores how a father's absence—be it physical or emotional—can severely impact a child's self-image and self-worth. Brianne shares her own experiences and insights, shedding light on the various forms a father wound can take, including neglect, rejection, and emotional abuse.

Throughout the episode, Brianne discusses the long-lasting effects of the father wound, such as low self-esteem, insecurity, and difficulties in forming healthy relationships. She emphasizes the importance of recognizing these wounds and understanding how they manifest in adult life, from self-sabotage to perfectionism. Listeners will resonate with the symptoms of the father wound and reflect on their own experiences, as Brianne encourages them to confront and heal these deep-seated issues.

Brianne provides practical steps for healing, including self-compassion, setting boundaries, and seeking professional help. She reminds listeners that while the journey to reclaiming one's self-worth can be challenging, it is entirely possible. Tune in for a raw and honest discussion that empowers you to confront your past and build a brighter future.

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
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Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

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Healing the Mother Wound

Mon, 31 Mar 2025 07:00:00 +0000

In this insightful episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt delves into the often-painful topic of the "mother wound." She explores how a mother's emotional unavailability can profoundly affect a child's ability to form healthy relationships and develop a secure attachment style. Brianne shares her own experiences and observations, highlighting the signs of a mother wound, such as emotional neglect, criticism, and manipulation through guilt.

Throughout the episode, Brianne emphasizes the importance of recognizing and addressing these wounds, not only for personal healing but also for the sake of future generations. She discusses the impact of societal pressures on mothers and the unrealistic expectations they often face, encouraging listeners to approach this topic with compassion and understanding.

Listeners will gain valuable insights into the healing process, including the significance of setting boundaries, practicing self-compassion, and identifying one's own beliefs versus those inherited from their mother. Brianne provides practical steps for navigating the complexities of the mother wound, emphasizing that healing is a journey that can lead to a more authentic and fulfilling life.

This episode is a powerful reminder that while the mother wound can be deep, it does not have to define your future. Tune in to discover how to break free from the past and embrace your true self.

______

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

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Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

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Self-Indulgence vs. Self-Care

Mon, 24 Mar 2025 07:00:00 +0000

In this thought-provoking episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt unpacks the often misunderstood concept of self-care versus self-indulgence. She boldly asserts that true self-care is not glamorous or Instagram-worthy; rather, it consists of the unfabulous activities that contribute to our long-term well-being. Brianne challenges listeners to reconsider what self-care really means, emphasizing that it involves proactive choices that promote mental and physical health over time.

Join Brianne as she shares personal anecdotes and relatable examples to illustrate the difference between self-care and self-indulgence. From budgeting and financial responsibility to the importance of routine, she highlights how genuine self-care can enrich our lives, while self-indulgence often leads to temporary pleasures and long-term dissatisfaction. Through candid discussions, Brianne encourages listeners to reflect on their habits and consider the long-term benefits of their choices.

This episode serves as a powerful reminder that self-care is about nurturing our souls and fostering a sense of purpose, rather than chasing fleeting moments of pleasure. Tune in to discover practical strategies for cultivating a self-care routine that truly supports your well-being and enhances your life.

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

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The Narcissistic Father

Mon, 17 Mar 2025 07:00:00 +0000

In this compelling episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt bravely confronts the complex and often painful dynamics of having a narcissistic father. Drawing from personal experiences and extensive research, Brianne reveals how narcissism can manifest as a trauma response rooted in childhood. She discusses the layers of false identity that shield the true self and the profound impact this has on both the narcissist and their children.

Brianne outlines the key characteristics of narcissistic fathers, including their self-centeredness, emotional manipulation, and the unhealthy expectations they place on their children. She provides poignant examples of how these behaviors can lead to emotional incest, where the child is expected to fulfill the father's emotional needs, ultimately stunting their own development and emotional health.

Listeners will gain insights into the long-term effects of growing up with a narcissistic parent, such as difficulties in forming relationships, low self-esteem, and a tendency toward people-pleasing. Brianne also offers practical advice on setting boundaries, prioritizing self-care, and seeking professional help to navigate the complexities of these relationships.

This episode serves as a vital resource for anyone grappling with the challenges of having a narcissistic father, encouraging listeners to validate their feelings, seek support, and embark on a journey of healing and self-discovery. Tune in to uncover the truth about narcissism and reclaim your narrative.

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

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Doom Scrolling

Mon, 10 Mar 2025 07:00:00 +0000

In this compelling episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt tackles the pervasive habit of doom scrolling, a behavior that has become alarmingly common in our digital age. Brianne shares her observations of individuals, including a 21-year-old who starts and ends her day with endless scrolling through negative news and social media, highlighting the detrimental effects this habit has on mental health.

Brianne defines doom scrolling as the compulsive consumption of negative content, driven by a misguided need to stay informed. She explores how this cycle of negativity feeds anxiety, depression, and a sense of hopelessness, ultimately detracting from our ability to be present in our own lives. With raw honesty, she discusses the addictive nature of this behavior, fueled by dopamine hits that give the illusion of control and productivity.

Listeners will learn about the psychological impacts of doom scrolling, including increased stress levels and disrupted sleep patterns. Brianne emphasizes the importance of setting limits and engaging in offline activities to break free from this cycle. She offers practical strategies for reclaiming mental well-being, such as seeking positive stories, practicing gratitude, and reconnecting with loved ones.

This episode serves as a critical reminder that while staying informed is important, our mental health should always come first. Tune in to discover how to take back control of your time and mental space, and step away from the doom scrolling that can cloud your perspective on life.

______

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
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Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

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Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Mon, 03 Mar 2025 08:00:00 +0000

This week on the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt takes a deep dive into the often misunderstood world of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). She breaks down the complexities of this chronic personality disorder, which is characterized by emotional regulation difficulties, fear of abandonment, and turbulent relationships. With a focus on the four distinct types of BPD—quiet, impulsive, petulant, and self-destructive—Brianne sheds light on how these variations manifest in behavior and emotional responses.

Listeners will gain insight into the signs and symptoms of BPD, including intense mood swings, self-harm tendencies, and struggles with self-identity. Brianne emphasizes the importance of understanding that BPD is not a life sentence but a treatable condition that requires ongoing work and coping strategies. She shares valuable techniques for managing symptoms, such as developing self-awareness, utilizing mindfulness practices, and establishing healthy relationships.

This episode is an empowering reminder that healing from BPD is a journey that involves facing trauma, learning emotional regulation, and cultivating self-love. Tune in to discover how to navigate the challenges of BPD and reclaim your life with resilience and hope.

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
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Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Emotional Blunting

Mon, 24 Feb 2025 08:00:00 +0000

What happens when you know you should feel something but just... don't? In this enlightening episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt uncovers the often-overlooked phenomenon of emotional blunting. Brianne shares her personal journey of discovery surrounding this term, revealing the symptoms that include a lack of emotional reactions, mental fog, and feelings of disconnection from others.

Through candid discussions, she explores how emotional blunting can stem from trauma, prolonged use of antidepressants, and various mental health disorders. Brianne highlights the importance of recognizing these signs and understanding that emotional blunting is not merely a personal failing, but rather a symptom of deeper issues that can be addressed and healed.

Listeners will gain valuable insights into the impact of emotional blunting on relationships and daily life, as well as practical advice on how to reconnect with their feelings and reclaim their emotional well-being. This episode serves as a reminder that it is possible to navigate through the darkness and rediscover the beauty of life’s emotional spectrum.

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

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Why People Cheat

Mon, 17 Feb 2025 08:00:00 +0000

Why do people cheat? In this eye-opening episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt dives deep into the complex motivations behind infidelity. She reveals startling statistics that highlight the prevalence of cheating, including the surprising fact that many who cheat rate their marriages as happy. Brianne challenges conventional notions of cheating, discussing how emotional affairs, flirting, and even pornography can all be considered forms of betrayal.

Through personal anecdotes and insights gained from her own journey of recovery from sex and love addiction, Brianne explores the underlying emptiness that drives individuals to seek validation outside of their committed relationships. She emphasizes that cheating often stems from a lack of self-worth, boredom, and an inability to confront deeper emotional issues.

Listeners will gain valuable perspectives on the importance of self-reflection, open communication, and setting healthy boundaries to prevent infidelity. Brianne offers practical advice for both partners, stressing that healing requires effort from both sides and that accountability is crucial for rebuilding trust.

This episode is a powerful reminder that true fulfillment comes from within, and that the journey to self-love is essential in breaking the cycle of cheating. Tune in to discover how to reclaim your emotional well-being and foster healthier relationships.

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Emotional Numbing

Mon, 10 Feb 2025 08:00:00 +0000

Are you tired of feeling emotionally numb and disconnected from yourself and others? In this raw and revealing episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt dives into the pervasive issue of emotional numbing. She explores the myriad ways people escape their feelings, from overworking and partying to excessive social media use and obsessive planning. Brianne shares personal anecdotes and insights, shedding light on how these behaviors serve as coping mechanisms to avoid deeper emotional pain.

Join Brianne as she unpacks the concept of the "numbing iceberg," illustrating how beneath the surface of these distractions lies a wealth of unaddressed emotions, fears, and traumas. Discover the signs of emotional numbness and learn how to break free from these unhealthy patterns. Brianne emphasizes the importance of mindfulness, self-soothing techniques, and reconnecting with loved ones as essential steps toward emotional healing.

This episode serves as a wake-up call to confront the ways we numb ourselves and offers practical strategies for reclaiming your emotional well-being. Tune in to learn how to embrace your feelings, foster genuine connections, and take meaningful steps toward a more fulfilling life.

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Betrayal Trauma

Mon, 03 Feb 2025 08:00:00 +0000

Have you ever experienced the deep pain of betrayal, whether from a loved one, a friend, or even an institution? In this eye-opening episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt delves into the complex and often overlooked topic of betrayal trauma. She uncovers the four distinct types of betrayal trauma—parental, intimate partner, institutional, and interpersonal—and shares real-life examples that illustrate how these betrayals can leave lasting scars on our psyche.

Brianne recounts poignant stories of individuals grappling with the aftermath of betrayal, highlighting how these experiences can lead to a cascade of emotional and physical symptoms. She emphasizes the importance of acknowledging betrayal as trauma, exploring how it can manifest in feelings of anger, sadness, and even self-doubt. As she guides listeners through the healing process, Brianne offers practical tips for navigating the tumultuous waters of betrayal trauma, including body work, setting boundaries, and the power of storytelling.

This episode is a powerful reminder that while betrayal can shatter our trust, it can also serve as a catalyst for personal growth and transformation. Tune in to discover how to reclaim your narrative, rebuild your trust in yourself and others, and emerge stronger from the shadows of betrayal.

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Mother Hunger: Enmeshment With Your Mother

Mon, 27 Jan 2025 08:00:00 +0000

Are you feeling the weight of emotional entanglement with your mother? In this powerful episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt dives deep into the concept of "Mother Hunger" and the complexities of enmeshment. Unpacking the insidious nature of this emotional bond, Brianne explains how it can masquerade as nurturing while actually hindering personal growth and independence. With raw honesty, she shares personal anecdotes and insights that resonate with many who find themselves still tethered to their mothers long into adulthood.

Join Brianne as she explores the detrimental effects of enmeshment on relationships and personal identity, especially for daughters and sons. Discover the signs of unhealthy attachment and learn how to break free from these patterns. Brianne offers practical strategies for healing the mother wound, including body work, inner child exercises, and the importance of establishing boundaries. This episode serves as a crucial reminder that while the journey to emotional independence can be challenging, it is essential for living a fulfilled and authentic life.

Don't miss this enlightening discussion that encourages you to reclaim your autonomy and foster healthier relationships. Tune in to uncover the truth about Mother Hunger and take the first steps toward emotional liberation.

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Healthy Online Dating

Mon, 20 Jan 2025 08:00:00 +0000

Are you navigating the complex world of online dating and seeking guidance on how to do it healthily? In this insightful episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt shares her expertise and personal experiences to help you master the art of online dating. Discover the do's and don'ts, learn how to set boundaries, and understand the difference between dating and relationships. Brianne offers practical tips on pacing yourself, choosing the right dating platform, and trusting your instincts to ensure a safe and fulfilling dating experience.

Join us as we explore the importance of being honest with yourself and potential partners, the benefits of taking time for self-reflection, and how to maintain a balance between online and offline dating methods. Brianne emphasizes the significance of clear communication, staying open-minded, and not rushing into intimacy. Whether you're new to online dating or looking to improve your approach, this episode provides valuable insights and tools to help you find meaningful connections.

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Reparenting: Healing the Child Within

Mon, 13 Jan 2025 08:00:00 +0000

Are you ready to take control of your life and heal the wounds of your past? In this insightful episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt delves into the transformative process of reparenting. Discover how to nurture your inner child and address unmet needs from your upbringing. Brianne shares her personal journey and offers practical steps to help you break free from old patterns and cultivate a healthier, more fulfilling life.

Join us as we explore the significance of self-compassion, emotional regulation, and the importance of establishing healthy boundaries. Learn how to identify the impact of your childhood experiences on your current relationships and self-image. Through self-reflection and community support, find out how to embrace joy, release blame, and prioritize self-care.

This episode is a call to action for anyone seeking personal growth and self-discovery. Whether you're dealing with addiction, toxic relationships, or simply want to become the best version of yourself, these insights and tools will guide you on your journey. Tune in now to start reparenting yourself and take charge of your future.

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Just Be...

Mon, 06 Jan 2025 08:00:00 +0000

Are you struggling to stay present and just be in the moment? In this introspective episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt explores the art of being present and how it can lead to personal growth and a more fulfilling life. Drawing from her personal journey and experiences, Brianne shares valuable insights and practical tips on how to embrace the present, overcome distractions, and cultivate mindfulness. Discover how limiting technology, focusing on one task at a time, and practicing gratitude can enhance your connection with yourself and others.

Brianne delves into the challenges of being present, such as dealing with negative thoughts, multitasking, and the discomfort of vulnerability. She encourages listeners to engage fully with their surroundings, find joy in the little things, and allow themselves to reset when needed. This episode is a powerful reminder that being present is all we have, and by embracing it, we can become better versions of ourselves.

Join us on this journey of self-discovery and learn how to just be, so you can be better. Whether you're seeking personal growth or simply looking to find more peace in your daily life, this episode offers valuable tools and perspectives to help you live in the moment and embrace the flow of life.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Presence, Mindfulness, Being Present, Self-Improvement, Secret Life Podcast, Brianne Davis-Gantt, Self-Discovery, Mindful Living, Gratitude, Technology Detox, Emotional Triggers, Multitasking, Self-Awareness, Inner Peace, Personal Growth, Emotional Resilience, Authenticity, Self-Reflection, Mindful Activities, Emotional Well-Being

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
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Spread the word via social media
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

The Truth Will Set You Free, But First it Will Kick Your A$$

Mon, 30 Dec 2024 08:00:00 +0000

Are you ready to face the truth and transform your life? In our latest episode, Brianne Davis-Gantt dives deep into the power of honesty and how it can set you free. As we approach 2025, it's time to confront the secrets holding us back and embrace personal growth. Join us for a candid discussion on the importance of accountability and self-discovery. Tune in now and start your journey towards a more authentic and fulfilling life. Let's make 2025 the year of truth and transformation!

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Limerence: An Involuntary Obsession with Another Person

Mon, 23 Dec 2024 08:00:00 +0000

Are you caught in the throes of what feels like love at first sight? You might be experiencing limerence, a powerful emotional state that can mimic true love. In our latest podcast episode, we dive deep into the world of limerence, exploring its addictive nature and how it differs from genuine love. Join Brannne Davis-Gantt as she shares her personal journey and offers insights into breaking free from this cycle. Discover the signs of limerence and learn how to cultivate real, lasting connections. Tune in now for an enlightening discussion that could change your perspective on love.

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Anxious Attachment

Mon, 16 Dec 2024 08:00:00 +0000

Do you find yourself constantly seeking reassurance in relationships, fearing rejection, or feeling overwhelmed by jealousy? You might be experiencing anxious attachment style. In this revealing episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brannne Davis-Gantt delves into the complexities of anxious attachment, exploring the signs, triggers, and origins of this attachment style. From low self-esteem and poor conflict management to a deep fear of being alone, anxious attachment can manifest in various ways, impacting your relationships and emotional well-being.

Brannne shares insights into the mother wound and how early childhood experiences shape our attachment styles. She offers practical advice on developing new coping skills, practicing self-regulation, and seeking professional help to heal and move towards secure attachment. Learn how to communicate your needs effectively, set boundaries, and become your own best friend in the journey towards emotional freedom.

Whether you're navigating your own anxious attachment or supporting a partner with this attachment style, this episode provides valuable tools and perspectives to foster healthier, more fulfilling relationships. Tune in for an enlightening discussion on breaking free from the cycle of anxious attachment and embracing a more secure, self-assured way of relating to others.

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Stop Gaslighting Yourself

Mon, 09 Dec 2024 08:00:00 +0000

Have you ever doubted your own feelings or blamed yourself for things beyond your control? You might be gaslighting yourself. In the latest episode of our podcast, we explore the destructive habit of self-gaslighting and how it can impact your life and relationships. Host Brannne Davis-Gantt shares her personal journey of overcoming self-gaslighting and offers practical advice on how to break free from this toxic pattern. Learn to recognize the signs, practice self-compassion, and reclaim your power and self-worth. Tune in now and start your journey towards healing and self-discovery.

🔑 Episode Keywords -- Gaslighting, Self-Awareness, Psychological Abuse, Trauma Recovery, Inner Child Work, Self-Compassion, Toxic Relationships, Emotional Healing, Self-Esteem, Negative Self-Talk, Addiction Recovery, Childhood Neglect, Empathy, Self-Worth, Memory Trust, Emotional Validation, Cultural Beliefs, Personal Growth, Shadow Work, Toxic Patterns

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Breaking Up is Hard To Do

Mon, 02 Dec 2024 08:00:00 +0000

Breaking up is never easy. Whether it's a romantic relationship, a friendship, or even a family connection, the end of a relationship can be one of the most challenging experiences we face. In our latest podcast episode, we dive deep into the emotional complexities of breakups and explore why so many of us struggle to let go.

Our host, Brannne Davis-Gantt, shares personal insights from her own journey through love and addiction, offering a raw and honest perspective on the importance of ending relationships that no longer serve us. She emphasizes the freedom that comes with letting go and the space it creates for new opportunities and personal growth.

Too often, we hold onto relationships out of fear, comfort, or simply because of history. But as Brannne points out, dragging out a relationship can be selfish and damaging—not just to ourselves but to the other person involved. She challenges listeners to reflect on their own lives and identify relationships that may be holding them back.

In this episode, you'll learn how to recognize the signs that a relationship is over and why it's crucial to act swiftly and decisively. Brannne also offers practical advice on how to navigate the emotional aftermath of a breakup, encouraging listeners to embrace the grieving process and find peace within themselves.

If you're struggling with a breakup or feeling stuck in a relationship that's lost its spark, this episode is for you. Tune in to discover the power of letting go and the transformative journey that awaits when you choose to prioritize your own well-being.

Don't miss this enlightening and empowering discussion. Listen now and take the first step towards emotional freedom and self-discovery.

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Holidays & Toxic Relationships

Mon, 25 Nov 2024 08:00:00 +0000

Thanksgiving is a time for gratitude, family—and toxic relationships? For many, the holiday season brings family dynamics that can turn joyful gatherings into stressful ordeals. But what if navigating these tricky relationships could be manageable—even fun?

In our latest podcast, we dive into the toxic dynamics that often surface at family gatherings. From attention-seekers to chronic critics, these behaviors can leave you feeling drained. That’s why we’ve created a checklist-turned-bingo game to help you spot and manage these patterns, like “they make you hide your true personality” or “your happiness depends on theirs.”

But this episode isn’t just about recognizing toxicity—it’s about taking control. We explore setting boundaries, valuing yourself, and refusing to let others dictate your happiness. Use our checklist as a tool for growth and share it to spark conversations that foster change.

Ready to tackle toxic family dynamics this Thanksgiving? Tune in for insights, laughs, and a new perspective on the holiday season. Let’s break the cycle and create a more positive family experience!

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Our Biggest Struggle is Our Strongest Asset

Mon, 18 Nov 2024 08:00:00 +0000

In this compelling episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt tackles the profound idea that our greatest struggles can become our most valuable assets. Drawing from her own journey through recovery and self-discovery, Brianne shares how hitting rock bottom was the catalyst for finding her true purpose. She invites listeners to reflect on their own lives, urging them to confront the fears and challenges that hold them back.

Brianne delves into the complexities of addiction and trauma, emphasizing the importance of doing the core work necessary for healing. She recounts her own transformation from a successful actor to a therapist and author, revealing how surrendering to her struggles led her to a Life of service and fulfillment. Through vivid storytelling and raw honesty, Brianne encourages listeners to consider what they are unwilling to let go of and how facing these issues could unlock their true potential.

This episode is a powerful reminder that embracing our darkest moments can illuminate our path to purpose. It's a must-listen for anyone feeling stuck or searching for meaning in their life.

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse, or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show, email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
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Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Navigating Post-Traumatic Relationship Syndrome (PTRS)

Mon, 11 Nov 2024 08:00:00 +0000

In this illuminating episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt delves into the often overlooked world of Post Traumatic Relationship Syndrome (PTRS). She sheds light on the deep scars left by toxic breakups, explaining how they can lead to a form of trauma similar to PTSD. Brianne reveals the nuances of PTRS, a condition that arises from enduring long-term emotional, mental, or physical abuse in relationships, and discusses how it can prevent individuals from moving forward and forming new, healthy connections.

Brianne passionately explains the symptoms of PTRS, such as sexual dysfunction, insomnia, self-blame, anxiety, and distrust, which can leave sufferers feeling trapped in their past experiences. She emphasizes the importance of acknowledging the 'death' of a relationship and allowing oneself to grieve and heal, rather than jumping into a new relationship as a quick fix.

Listeners are guided through practical steps to overcome PTRS, including journaling, active meditation, self-forgiveness, and grounding exercises. Brianne encourages those affected to seek professional help and support, highlighting that healing from PTRS is a journey that can take time but is ultimately rewarding.

This episode is a vital listen for anyone grappling with the aftermath of a toxic relationship, offering hope and strategies to reclaim one's life and prepare for healthier future relationships.

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

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Welcome The Dark Days

Mon, 04 Nov 2024 08:00:00 +0000

In this transformative episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt invites listeners to embrace the dark days as a vital part of the healing journey. She passionately advocates for befriending those moments of sadness and struggle, viewing them not as obstacles, but as necessary steps towards personal growth and emotional release. Brianne draws from her own experiences and therapeutic insights to encourage listeners to welcome these challenging times, emphasizing that they are essential for true healing and self-discovery.

Brianne challenges the societal pressure to constantly pursue happiness, highlighting the dangers of toxic positivity and the suppression of natural emotions. She offers practical advice on how to acknowledge and sit with these feelings, suggesting exercises to help listeners navigate through their darker days with acceptance and self-compassion. By reframing our perspective on sadness, Brianne empowers us to see these days as opportunities for introspection and transformation.

Tune in to learn how to navigate the ebb and flow of emotions and discover the profound lessons hidden within the shadows. This episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking to understand the importance of embracing all facets of the human experience.

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
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Spread the word via social media
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Covert Narcissist: A Wolf in Sheep's Clothing

Mon, 28 Oct 2024 07:00:00 +0000

In this gripping episode of the secretlifepodcast@icloud.com Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt delves into the shadowy realm of covert narcissism, exposing the subtle yet destructive behaviors of these master manipulators. Often disguised as the most unassuming individuals, covert narcissists are the wolves in sheep's clothing, wreaking havoc within families and relationships while maintaining a facade of innocence and victimhood. Brianne unpacks the traits of these hidden narcissists, highlighting their penchant for playing the victim, their hypersensitivity to criticism, and their ability to reverse any situation to make it about themselves.

Listeners are guided through the intricate dance of manipulation and the exhausting cycles that covert narcissists perpetuate. Brianne offers invaluable insights into recognizing these toxic patterns and provides practical advice on setting boundaries and protecting oneself from emotional abuse. Emphasizing the importance of self-preservation, she encourages listeners to seek therapy and support, reminding them that they deserve freedom from toxic relationships.

This episode is an essential listen for anyone grappling with the covert narcissists in their lives. Tune in to arm yourself with knowledge and strategies to reclaim your power and well-being.

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
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Spread the word via social media
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Addiction is Not Just a Trauma Response

Mon, 21 Oct 2024 07:00:00 +0000

In this eye-opening episode of the secretlifepodcast@icloud.com Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt tackles the pervasive myths surrounding addiction, dissecting the belief that trauma alone is the root cause. Brianne passionately argues that addiction is a genetic disorder, a disease embedded within our DNA, passed down through generations. With raw honesty, she shares her journey through sex and love addiction recovery, emphasizing that while trauma can exacerbate addiction, it is not the sole cause. She highlights the importance of a comprehensive treatment plan, likening it to managing a chronic illness such as diabetes or cancer.

Brianne provides a compelling narrative on how addiction manifests in various forms, from substance abuse to behavioral dependencies like workaholism and codependency. She stresses the necessity of continuous treatment and support, debunking the notion of a quick fix. Listeners are urged to be cautious of misinformation, especially from those who may not have done the personal work themselves. Brianne's candid discussion is a call to action for anyone struggling with addiction, encouraging them to embrace a lifelong commitment to healing and transformation.

Tune in to gain valuable insights into the complexities of addiction and learn how to navigate the path to recovery with resilience and awareness. This episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking to understand the true nature of addiction and the steps required to manage it effectively.

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
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Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Gossiping is a False Form of Intimacy

Mon, 14 Oct 2024 07:00:00 +0000

In this revealing episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt explores the deceptive allure of gossip and how it masquerades as intimacy. Brianne delves into the psychology behind why we gossip, highlighting the false sense of connection it creates and the toxicity it breeds in our relationships. She shares personal insights and client anecdotes to illustrate how gossiping stems from a desire to feel part of something, often rooted in dysfunctional family dynamics.

Brianne makes a compelling case for distinguishing between venting and gossiping, offering practical advice on how to recognize and avoid the latter. She emphasizes the importance of authenticity and vulnerability in forming genuine connections, rather than resorting to gossip to fill a void. Through introspective questions and exercises, Brianne challenges listeners to examine their habits and consider healthier alternatives for dealing with emotions and forming bonds.

Tune in to gain a deeper understanding of how gossip impacts your life and learn how to foster true intimacy in your relationships. This episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking to break free from the cycle of gossip and cultivate meaningful connections.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Gossiping, False Intimacy, Authenticity, Vulnerability, Human Connection, Toxic Relationships, Emotional Support, Venting Vs Gossiping, Self-Reflection, Personal Growth, Dysfunctional Family, Attachment, Cults And Belonging, Boredom And Gossip, Emotional Boundaries, Authentic Relationships, Emotional Intelligence, Self-Awareness, Communication Skills, Personal Development

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
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Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Addiction Doesn’t Happen in a Vacuum: It’s a Family Disease

Mon, 07 Oct 2024 07:00:00 +0000

Addiction is often seen as an individual struggle, but what if we told you it's a family disease? In the latest episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt pulls back the curtain on the complex web of addiction, revealing how it affects not just the individual, but the entire family system. Addiction doesn't happen in a vacuum. The roles each family member plays can contribute to the creation and perpetuation of addictive behaviors. Whether it's enabling, codependency, or emotional incest, these dynamics can create a breeding ground for addiction. Brianne, with her years of experience in recovery and therapy, explains that healing must involve the entire family. It's about peeling back the layers and addressing the generational trauma that often lies at the root of addiction.

The episode delves into the uncomfortable truth that many families face: the addict is often a symptom of a larger dysfunction within the family. Brianne emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries and redefining roles to foster a healthier environment. It's not just about getting the addict sober; it's about rewiring the entire family system to support recovery and growth. One of the most powerful takeaways from the episode is the concept of autonomy within the family system. Each member must look at their role and make conscious changes to break the cycle of addiction. Brianne challenges listeners to examine their own behaviors and consider how they might be contributing to the problem.

This episode is a must-listen for anyone dealing with addiction in their family. It offers a fresh perspective on recovery, emphasizing the need for collective healing and transformation. Tune in to gain insights and practical advice on how to support a loved one while also taking care of your own well-being. Listen now and start the journey toward a healthier family dynamic.

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
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Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Codependency is a B*tch

Mon, 30 Sep 2024 07:00:00 +0000

In this latest episode, Brianne Davis-Gantt delves into the intricate and often misunderstood world of codependency. Drawing from her own experiences and professional insights, Brianne explores the various types of codependent personalities, from the passive to the anorexic codependent, and the challenges they face in their relationships and daily lives. She reveals the destructive patterns of behavior that codependents often fall into, such as people-pleasing, over-scheduling, and boundary issues, and offers practical advice on how to break free from these cycles.

Brianne emphasizes the importance of self-care, establishing boundaries, and recognizing one's own worth independent of others. She provides actionable steps to help codependents detach from their need to fix others and focus on their own emotional well-being. Tune in to learn how to reclaim your sense of self and navigate relationships in a healthier, more fulfilling way.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Codependency, Self-Worth, Boundaries, People-Pleasing, Emotional Well-Being, Recovery, Mental Health, Relationships, Personal Growth, Self-Care

(00:00) Because what codependents do is they get their worth from other people and how other people treat them, how well other people are doing.

(00:20) Welcome to the Secret Life podcast. Tell me your Secret, I'll tell you mine.

(01:00) After twelve years of recovery in Sex and Love addiction, I finally found my soulmate myself.

(02:00) Today I'm pulling back the curtains of all kinds of human secrets.

(03:00) Today we are talking about dun dun dun. Codependency is a bitch.

(Brianne Davis-Gantt) It is something you keep giving to somebody else because you have a void inside and you need there to give you worth, validation.

(10:00) The passive codependent secretly buries anger and resentment with a persona of empathy and compassion.

(15:00) The active codependent aggressively tries to control and manipulate narcissists.

(20:00) Cerebral codependents devour education and transformative experiences to overcome narcissistic abuse.

(25:00) Obvious codependents live by the mantra "ignorance is bliss."

(30:00) Anorexic codependents starve themselves from normal emotions and sexual intimacy.

(35:00) Codependents tend to do more than their share and have a huge fear of rejection and abandonment.

(40:00) They apologize to keep the peace, often without genuine remorse.

(45:00) They are the worst at keeping and creating boundaries.

(50:00) They have difficulty making decisions and are often dishonest.

(55:00) They are horrible at communicating their feelings.

(01:00:00) Breaking the pattern of codependency involves prioritizing self-care and recognizing one's own worth.

(01:05:00) It's okay to admit your childhood was tough and that your parents weren't perfect.

(01:10:00) Don't offer advice unless asked, and stop enabling toxic behavior in others.

(01:15:00) Don't feel guilty for self-care and alone time. You are enough.

____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Success Doesn't Equal Happiness

Mon, 23 Sep 2024 07:00:00 +0000

In our latest episode, Brianne Davis-Gantt challenges the notion that success equates to happiness. Drawing from her own experiences and those of her clients, Brianne delves into the emptiness that often accompanies external achievements. She shares a powerful analogy about the seemingly perfect exteriors of Beverly Hills mansions hiding chaotic interiors, paralleling how outward success can mask inner turmoil.

Brianne emphasizes the importance of redefining success from material and external validations to internal peace, connection, and self-intimacy. She provides practical questions to help listeners re-examine their relationships with money, achievement, and recognition. Through this introspective journey, Brianne encourages us to shift from comparison to compassion, from counting to contributing, and from seeking validation to finding contentment in genuine connections.

Tune in to discover how to cultivate a more balanced and fulfilling definition of success that truly brings joy and presence into your life.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Success, Happiness, Internal Peace, Self-Intimacy, Materialism, Achievement, Recognition, Compassion, Connection, Personal Growth

(00:00) The raising of the bar, it never stops. There's this never enoughness.

(00:20) Welcome to the Secret Life podcast. Tell me your Secret, I'll tell you mine.

(01:00) After twelve years of recovery in Sex and Love addiction, I finally found my soulmate myself.

(02:00) Today I'm pulling back the curtains of all kinds of human secrets.

(03:00) Today we are talking about dun dun dun. Success does not equal happiness.

(Brianne Davis-Gantt) Even myself, the height of my success was the height of my downfall.

(10:00) The outside could look so successful and beautiful, and the mask is beautiful.

(15:00) They feel like shit. So they create their beautiful house. Internally they show what they feel like on the inside.

(20:00) You have to be happy now with whatever and wherever you are in Life now.

(25:00) And Mark's like, when do you have time? Like, where does the bar stop?

(30:00) I don't like the word happiness because I think that's like, we all strive for happiness, contentment, right?

(35:00) I know that because if I don't do that, it's never enough. And I'm always striving.

(40:00) If I gauge my happiness on outside shit, I'm fucked. If I gauge happiness on Mark's mood, I'm fucked.

(45:00) So what do you consider successful? I always thought having a house would make me feel successful.

(50:00) What can't be taken away is how I feel connected to another, connected to myself.

(55:00) How do you define success? How do you want to live a life moving forward?

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Overextending Yourself Is Self-Abuse

Mon, 16 Sep 2024 07:00:00 +0000

In this candid episode of the Secret Life podcast, Brianne Davis-Gantt opens up about the often overlooked issue of overextending oneself. She shares her personal struggles with balancing a demanding career, motherhood, and personal life, highlighting how saying "yes" too often can lead to self-abuse and burnout. Brianne delves into the emotional and physical toll of constantly being on the go, exploring how this behavior stems from a fear of not being enough and the societal pressures to always be productive.

Brianne discusses the importance of recognizing when you're overextending yourself and offers practical advice on how to create healthier boundaries and prioritize self-care. She emphasizes the need for downtime and the benefits of taking a step back to reassess one's commitments. Tune in to learn how to break the cycle of overextending and find a more balanced, fulfilling way of living.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Overextending, Burnout, Self-Abuse, Boundaries, Self-Care, Work-Life Balance, Emotional Exhaustion, Recovery, Mental Health, Parenting, Personal Growth

(00:00) So this overextending myself, this is never enough, right? It's that emptiness.

(00:20) Welcome to the Secret Life podcast. Tell me your secret, I'll tell you mine.

(01:00) After twelve years of recovery in sex and love addiction, I finally found my soulmate myself.

(02:00) Today I'm pulling back the curtains of all kinds of human secrets.

(03:00) Today we are talking about dun dun dun. Overextending yourself is another form of self-abuse.

(Brianne Davis) I am literally abusing myself right now. I'm overextending myself.

(10:00) I have too many clients. I have finished the second book. I'm working on the third book.

(15:00) I cannot function on this level. Plus I'm doing videos, and I'm going to have a program.

(20:00) It's another way to escape self. And I do it in the name of helping other people.

(25:00) I felt empty. Does anybody else out there feel like that lately? Like, depleted and empty?

(30:00) I'm so busy. And then I can reset on the weekends, but with a six-year-old now, it's hard.

(35:00) I rather be in my house by myself, nobody talking to me.

(40:00) You packed your vacation with so many activities, it doesn't feel relaxing and like a vacation.

(45:00) You can't just sit and be and you have to keep saying yes to fill your day.

(50:00) I feel like I'm getting in the way. Like, I keep saying too many yeses for things.

(55:00) I need to do it in a way where I'm not burnt out. And as an avoidant or reformed avoidant.

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Taking Accountability

Mon, 09 Sep 2024 07:00:00 +0000

In a world where admitting fault is often seen as a sign of weakness, the latest episode of Secret Life podcast challenges this perception by highlighting the profound strength found in taking accountability. Hosted by Brianne Davis-Gantt, this episode dives deep into the transformative power of owning our actions and words.

Through candid reflections and personal anecdotes, Brianne delves into the societal stigma around admitting wrongs and how stubbornness and pride can hinder emotional and spiritual growth. She emphasizes the importance of self-accountability and how it can lead to a more authentic and fulfilling life. Tune in to learn how embracing accountability can empower you and improve your connections with others.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Accountability, Personal Growth, Emotional Strength, Self-Reflection, Responsibility, Narcissism, Recovery, Mental Health, Relationships, Conflict Resolution

(00:00) You have to be okay saying, here's my part. I am sorry.

(00:20) Welcome to the Secret Life podcast. Tell me your secret, I'll tell you mine.

(01:00) After twelve years of recovery in sex and love addiction, I finally found my soulmate myself.

(02:00) Today I'm pulling back the curtains of all kinds of human secrets.

(03:00) Today we are talking about dun dun, dun. Taking accountability.

(Brianne Davis) People do not want to take accountability. Oh, they do not want to say they are wrong.

(10:00) The strongest I have ever been is when I say, you know what? I'm sorry.

(15:00) Stubbornness literally kills your soul.

(20:00) We all play a part in situations that have conflict. Everybody has a part.

(25:00) An unwillingness to say when you are wrong and take accountability.

(30:00) The best thing with all my recovery, the 15 plus years of work, the mental health growth.

(35:00) When you look at your part and take accountability, it builds this inner strength.

(40:00) I don't get to then make people who I deal with sit in front of me and go, now it's your turn.

(45:00) The one thing we have control over is accountability for ourselves, not other people.

(50:00) When I take accountability, I feel like a stronger human being.

(55:00) Thank you for letting me record this podcast for my own journey.

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Fantasy

Mon, 02 Sep 2024 07:00:00 +0000

In this riveting episode of the Secret Life podcast, Brianne Davis-Gantt delves into the intoxicating and often destructive world of fantasy relationships. She explores how these relationships, fueled by unrealistic expectations and superficial attractions, can lead to emotional turmoil and self-sabotage. Brianne dissects the behaviors and red flags that characterize fantasy relationships, from love bombing and trauma bonding to the avoidance of real intimacy and responsibility.

Brianne also shares practical advice on how to recognize and break free from the cycle of fantasy relationships. She emphasizes the importance of setting realistic expectations, developing a strong sense of self-identity, and seeking support to navigate the complexities of genuine human connection. Tune in to understand the allure and pitfalls of fantasy relationships and learn how to cultivate healthier, more fulfilling connections.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Fantasy Relationships, Love Bombing, Trauma Bonding, Avoidance, Attachment Styles, Emotional Connection, Intimacy, Self-Identity, Red Flags, Relationship Advice, Emotional Healing

(00:00) Because fantasy doesn't last. You compromise yourself, you compromise your values.

(00:20) Welcome to the Secret Life podcast. Tell me your secret, I'll tell you mine.

(01:00) After twelve years of recovery in sex and love addiction, I finally found my soulmate myself.

(02:00) Today I'm pulling back the curtains of all kinds of human secrets.

(Brianne Davis) And today we are talking about dun dun dun fantasy, fantasy. A fantasy relationship.

(05:00) Disney. Somebody coming to rescue the all-important butterflies.

(10:00) When you are looking at a dating app, I tell people, read between the lines.

(15:00) An affair is fantasy based. You will literally disappear in that fantasy world.

(20:00) If you are fighting and then making up, um, passionate lovemaking, you are recreating a fantasy that is not healthy.

(25:00) Fantasy is intoxicating. You should not feel intoxicated by your relationship.

(30:00) Fantasies are short-lived. Short-lived and fleeting. Whatever burns fast burns out fast.

(35:00) Ten signs you're in a fantasy relationship. You ignore red flags. You see them, but you keep ignoring them.

(40:00) Ten ways to deal with fantasy. Recognize that, uh, you're in this fantasy relationship. Talk to your partner about it.

(45:00) Because fantasy doesn't last. You compromise yourself, you compromise your values.

(50:00) If you don't, you're going to go from fantasy relationship to fantasy relationship the rest of your life.

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Fearful Avoidant

Mon, 26 Aug 2024 07:00:00 +0000

In this eye-opening episode of the Secret Life podcast, Brianne Davis-Gantt delves into the intricate world of fearful avoidant attachment styles. She explores how individuals with this attachment style desperately crave connection but simultaneously fear intimacy, creating a paradox that feels like nails on a chalkboard. Brianne dissects the behaviors, underlying anxieties, and emotional struggles that characterize fearful avoidants, from their tendency to engage in casual relationships to their difficulty in maintaining long-term bonds.

Brianne also discusses how modern technology and instant gratification exacerbate avoidant behaviors, making genuine human connection even more challenging. She provides practical tools and insights for those grappling with this attachment style, emphasizing the importance of inner child work, setting boundaries, and seeking therapy to build healthier relationships. Tune in to understand the complexities of fearful avoidant attachment and learn how to navigate these emotionally taxing dynamics.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Fearful Avoidant, Attachment Styles, Anxiety, Fear of Intimacy, Emotional Regulation, Trauma Bonding, Casual Relationships, Ghosting, Inner Child Work, Therapy, Boundaries, Relationship Challenges, Emotional Healing

(00:00) Welcome to the Secret Life podcast. Today we are talking about dun dun dun

(01:54) Fearful avoidance is an attachment style where you crave intimacy but fear intimacy

(09:37) There's a pain from childhood that keeps you from fully connecting to another

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Dismissive Avoidant

Mon, 19 Aug 2024 07:00:00 +0000

In this compelling episode of the Secret Life podcast, Brianne Davis-Gantt dives deep into the intricacies of dismissive avoidant attachment styles. Exploring how this challenging attachment style manifests in relationships, Brianne dissects the behaviors and underlying fears that drive dismissive avoidance. From the initial love-bombing phase to the eventual emotional withdrawal, she explains how dismissive avoidants prioritize independence and suppress their emotions, making it difficult for partners to connect on a deeper level.

Brianne also contrasts dismissive avoidants with fearful avoidants, highlighting the distinct ways they handle intimacy and relationships. She provides valuable insights on recognizing the red flags of dismissive avoidance and offers advice for those entangled in such relationships. Tune in to understand the complexities of dismissive avoidant attachment and learn how to navigate these emotionally taxing dynamics.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Dismissive Avoidant, Attachment Styles, Fear of Intimacy, Love Bombing, Emotional Withdrawal, Relationship Challenges, Avoidant Behavior, Emotional Suppression, Trauma Bonding, Codependency, Narcissism, Inner Child Work, Trauma Healing, Emotional Independence

(00:00) One of the hardest ones to work with is dismissive avoidance

(01:20) Welcome to Secret Life podcast. Today I'm pulling back the curtains of all kinds of human secrets

(01:52) Dismissive avoidance is one of the worst attachment styles to work with

(03:11) A lot of people are having characteristics of dismissive avoidance when dating online

(09:26) Two people I'm working with are dating dismissive avoidance

(15:27) Excessive need for communication, assuming how they're feeling, jumping to conclusion

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Self-Sabotage

Mon, 12 Aug 2024 07:00:00 +0000

Have you ever found yourself on the brink of growth, only to revert to old, destructive habits? If so, you're not alone. In the latest episode of the Secret Life podcast, Brianne Davis-Gantt dives deep into the topic of self-sabotage, exploring how our fear of the unknown often keeps us stuck in familiar, yet harmful, patterns. She shares her personal journey of overcoming sex and love addiction, emphasizing that real growth comes from pushing through discomfort and doing the hard work, even when it feels unbearable.

Brianne also discusses the concept of internal family systems, explaining how different parts of our psyche, like the “firefighters” determined to disrupt our lives, can lead us down paths of self-destruction. She highlights the importance of small, consistent actions—whether it's journaling, making a gratitude list, or attending therapy—as key steps in overcoming self-sabotage. This episode is a powerful reminder that while the journey of self-improvement is challenging, the rewards are immeasurable. Don't let self-sabotage rob you of the life you deserve.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Self-Sabotage, Personal Growth, Fear of Unknown, Toxic Relationships, Emotional Evolution, Brianne Davis-Gantt, Secret Life Podcast, Overcoming Addiction, Generational Trauma, Therapy, Mental Health, Self-Improvement, Inner Work, Emotional Healing

(00:00) People don't like unknown. They like to know what it's gonna look like

(00:34) Welcome to the Secret Life podcast. Today I'm pulling back the curtains of human secrets

(01:50) Self sabotage is happening all around us, and people are not seeing it

(10:20) I was doing all this stuff, and I was like, I am done

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Trauma Bonding

Mon, 05 Aug 2024 07:00:00 +0000

In this episode of the Secret Life podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt delves into the complex world of trauma bonding. Learn about the seven stages of trauma bonding, from the intoxicating love-bombing phase to the difficult acceptance stage. Brianne provides insights on how to identify and navigate these emotionally draining relationships, and contrasts them with authentic, healthy bonds. Tune in to gain a deeper understanding of how trauma bonds form and how to protect yourself from them.

🔑 Episode Keywords -- Trauma Bonding, Love Bombing, Emotional Abuse, Dismissive Avoidance, False Intimacy, Toxic Relationships, Gaslighting, Relationship Stages, Emotional Dependency, Rollercoaster Relationships, Isolation In Relationships, Acceptance In Relationships, Authentic Bonds, Healthy Relationships, Boundary Setting, Trauma Recovery, Emotional Healing, Self-Awareness, Relationship Advice

Chapters:

(00:00) They are avoidance. So what they do is they try to attach very quickly, live out of fantasy

(00:34) Welcome to the Secret Life podcast. Tell me your secret, I'll tell you mine

(01:15) Welcome to Secret Life podcast. I'm Breanne Davis Gantt

(01:52) Today we are talking about trauma bonding. And people are doing it left and right

(04:25) We are going to talk about the stages of trauma bonding

(10:31) You're on the roller coaster of an addictive attachment to this person

(14:39) Let's talk about what an authentic bond is and what a trauma bond is

(19:52) If you're feeling trauma bond, it usually ends quickly

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Mastering Emotional Regulation

Mon, 29 Jul 2024 07:00:00 +0000

In this enlightening episode of the Secret Life Podcast, Brianne Davis-Gantt delves into the critical topic of emotional regulation. Drawing from personal experiences and professional insights, Brianne explores the importance of managing and responding to our emotions in a healthy way.

From understanding the difference between feelings and emotions to practical steps for self-regulation, this episode is packed with actionable advice. Brianne also touches on the generational cycle of emotional dysregulation and offers tips for teaching children how to manage their emotions effectively.

Don't miss this essential discussion on breaking the cycle of emotional dysregulation and fostering emotional well-being for yourself and your family.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Emotional Regulation, Self-Awareness, Generational Trauma, Mindfulness, Parenting, Emotional Well-being, Brianne Davis-Gantt, Secret Life Podcast, DBT Skills, Emotional Support, Self-Compassion

(00:00) Welcome to the Secret Life podcast. Today I'm pulling back the curtains of human secrets

(02:15) The importance of teaching emotional regulation from a young age

(05:45) How unregulated emotions affect relationships and parenting

(10:30) The generational cycle of emotional dysregulation

(15:00) Practical steps to identify, validate, connect, and regulate emotions

(20:45) How to help children learn emotional regulation

(25:30) Final thoughts and listener call to action

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

The Relationship Trap: The Marriage & Baby Fantasy

Mon, 22 Jul 2024 07:00:00 +0000

Are you caught in the relationship trap? This week's episode of the Secret Life podcast dives deep into the marriage and baby fantasy, exploring why forcing commitment can lead to more problems than solutions.

Host Brianne Davis-Gantt shares real-life cases and personal experiences to debunk the myth that hitting societal milestones will solve all your problems. From recognizing red flags to understanding the importance of mental health, this episode is packed with valuable insights.

Don't miss out on this eye-opening discussion. Listen now to learn how to build healthier relationships and focus on your personal growth.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Relationship Trap, Marriage Fantasy, Baby Fever, Mental Health, Self-Awareness, Commitment Issues, Red Flags, Personal Growth, Brianne Davis-Gantt, Secret Life Podcast, Manipulation, Societal Pressure, Emotional Stability, Unhealthy Relationships

(00:00) Welcome to the Secret Life podcast. Today I'm pulling back the curtains of human secrets

(02:45) The Relationship Trap: Marriage and Baby Fantasy

(05:30) Why forcing commitment leads to mental health issues

(12:15) Red flags in unhealthy relationships

(18:50) Practical advice on slowing down and evaluating relationships

(25:30) Closing thoughts and listener call to action

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Flirting is a Trauma Response

Mon, 15 Jul 2024 07:00:00 +0000

In this eye-opening episode of the Secret Life Podcast, Brianne Davis-Gantt tackles the controversial and often misunderstood topic of flirting as a trauma response. Contrary to popular belief that flirting is healthy and beneficial for mental health, Brianne argues that it is a way to fill an emptiness within oneself by taking energy from others. Drawing from her personal experiences and extensive trauma work, she explains how flirting can be a form of energy vampirism, where one seeks validation and attention to escape their own discomfort.

Brianne shares candid stories from her own life, including her year-long journey of abstaining from flirting to heal her trauma responses. She emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and urges listeners to examine their motives behind flirting. Is it a genuine connection or a way to escape personal insecurities? Tune in for a thought-provoking discussion that challenges conventional wisdom and offers a path towards a more authentic and self-sufficient existence.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Flirting, Trauma Response, Energy Vampirism, Validation, Self-Awareness, Personal Growth, Brianne Davis-Gantt, Secret Life Podcast, Inner Child Work, Shadow Work, Attachment Style, Self-Healing

(00:00) Welcome to the Secret Life podcast. Today I'm pulling back the curtains of human secrets

(01:36) Flirting is a trauma response, and many people say it's healthy

(08:12) I stopped flirting for six months because it was too needy

(15:30) Thanks for listening to Secret Life podcast. Please subscribe, rate, share

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
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Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

That Safe Relationship: The Human Security Blanket

Mon, 08 Jul 2024 07:00:00 +0000

Sometimes, the relationships we hold onto for comfort can be the very things that prevent us from reaching our true potential. In this week's episode of the Secret Life Podcast, Brianne Davis-Gantt shares her powerful journey of letting go and finding her purpose. From a decade-long relationship that provided security but stifled her dreams, to a thriving career in acting and coaching, Brianne's story is a testament to the transformative power of stepping into the unknown.

Tune in for an inspiring discussion on finding your purpose, pushing through fear, and the transformative power of letting go.

🔑 Episode Keywords

Personal Growth, Letting Go, Relationships, Comfort Zone, Purpose, Self-Discovery, Human Training Wheels, Security Blanket, Transformation, Brianne Davis-Gantt, Secret Life Podcast

(00:00) Breanne Davis Gann is the host of the Secret Life podcast

(01:48) Today we are talking about, dun dun dun, never letting go of your human security blanket

(08:20) I broke up with my boyfriend at the airport because I hated breaking up

(12:32) If you are in a relationship that is not driving you to evolve, consider leaving

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

The Power of the Pause

Mon, 01 Jul 2024 07:00:00 +0000

In this episode of Secret Life podcast, Brianne Davis-Gantt delves into the transformative power of "The Pause." Learn how taking a moment to pause before reacting can enhance self-awareness, improve communication, and foster better relationships. Brianne shares personal anecdotes and practical tips on how to integrate pausing into daily life to break the cycle of impulsiveness and create a more mindful existence. Tune in for an insightful discussion that promises to change the way you interact with yourself and others.

🔑 Episode Keywords -- Pause, Self-Awareness, Communication, Impulsiveness, Mindfulness, Personal Growth, Brianne Davis-Gantt, Secret Life Podcast, Relationships, Mental Health, Self-Reflection, Emotional Intelligence, Stress Management, Adhd, Self-Worth, Ego, Introspection, Better Listener, Improved Communication, Self-Control

#Podcast #Mindfulness #SelfAwareness #PersonalGrowth

Chapters:

(00:00) Pause helps me group and decide how to handle situations

(00:33) Welcome to the Secret Life podcast. Today I'm pulling back the curtains of human secrets

(01:49) The power of the pause is the ability to break the cycle of constant motion

(02:48) The pause helps us and others go inward before speaking today

(09:38) Anything impulsive should have the pause before it always

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Emotional Incest

Mon, 24 Jun 2024 07:00:00 +0000

In this riveting episode of the Secret Life Podcast, Brianne Davis-Gantt delves into the unsettling and often misunderstood topic of emotional incest. She breaks down the concept, distinguishing it from physical incest and enmeshment, and explains how it manifests in parent-child relationships. Brianne passionately discusses how emotional incest occurs when a child's energy is inappropriately directed to fulfill the emotional needs of a parent, rather than the other way around.

Brianne shares her personal experiences and professional insights, highlighting the long-term consequences of emotional incest, including developmental, emotional, and relational issues. She provides clear signs that indicate emotional incest, such as a parent relying on a child for support, invading the child's privacy, and treating the child like a partner.

This episode is a must-listen for anyone struggling with the effects of emotional incest or seeking to understand this complex issue. Brianne offers practical advice on how to set boundaries and reclaim one's sense of self. Tune in to learn how to break the cycle of generational trauma and foster healthier relationships.

#SecretLifePodcast #EmotionalIncest #TraumaRecovery #Boundaries #MentalHealth #PersonalGrowth #HealthyRelationships #SelfHealing

🔑 Episode Keywords

Emotional Incest, Trauma Recovery, Boundaries, Mental Health, Personal Growth, Healthy Relationships, Self-Healing, Codependency, Generational Trauma, Emotional Wellness

(00:00) Emotional incest is much different. It's when the child's energy is literally filtered to the adult

(00:28) Welcome to the Secret Life podcast. Tell me your secret, I'll tell you mine

(01:10) After twelve years of recovery in sex and love addiction, I finally found my soulmate

(01:50) Welcome to Secret Life podcast. I'm Brianne Davis-Gantt

(02:24) Today we are talking about, dun dun dun, emotional incest

(03:00) Emotional incest can be called covert incest, but it always gives people that ick

(04:02) Enmeshment vs. emotional incest

(06:30) Signs of emotional incest: relying on a child for support

(09:00) Personal story: My experience with emotional incest

(12:45) Effects of emotional incest: developmental issues, emotional and sexual stunting

(15:20) How to set boundaries and reclaim your sense of self

(21:30) Long-term consequences if emotional incest is not addressed

(24:10) Practical steps to stop the cycle of emotional incest

(27:00) Final thoughts and encouragement for listeners

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

The Magical Closure Talk: It Isn't Real

Mon, 17 Jun 2024 07:00:00 +0000

In this eye-opening episode of the Secret Life Podcast, Brianne Davis-Gantt tackles the elusive concept of closure. She passionately dismantles the myth of closure, describing it as a "motherfucking scam" and a fantasy that keeps people stuck in the past. Brianne urges listeners to accept the end of relationships as they are and to move forward without seeking that one final conversation or moment that promises to make everything okay.

Brianne shares personal experiences and real-life examples, emphasizing that true closure comes from within. She highlights the importance of letting go and moving on, rather than holding onto the false hope that closure will bring peace. Through her candid and fiery discussion, Brianne offers practical advice on how to achieve self-closure, such as writing unsent letters and focusing on personal growth.

This episode is a must-listen for anyone struggling with the end of a relationship or friendship. It's a powerful reminder that closure is not something to be obtained from others but a gift we give ourselves. Tune in to discover the freedom that comes with letting go and embracing the present and future.

#SecretLifePodcast #ClosureMyth #PersonalGrowth #EmotionalWellness #LettingGo #SelfHealing #Relationships #MovingOn #InnerPeace #SelfAcceptance

🔑 Episode Keywords

Closure Myth, Personal Growth, Emotional Wellness, Letting Go, Self-Healing, Relationships, Moving On, Inner Peace, Self-Acceptance, Boundaries, Vulnerability, Fantasy vs. Reality

(00:00) It doesn't exist. Closure isn't real. Closure is a motherfucking scam

(00:23) Welcome to the Secret Life podcast. Tell me your secret, I'll tell you mine

(01:00) After twelve years of recovery in sex and love addiction, I finally found my soulmate

(01:34) Welcome to Secret Life podcast. I'm Brianne Davis-Gantt

(02:05) Today we are talking about magical closure

(05:00) The fantasy of closure and why it doesn't exist

(08:12) Personal story: Client's struggle with the idea of closure

(12:45) Why seeking closure is a power play and a way to hold on

(16:30) The importance of self-closure and letting go

(20:50) Writing a letter for self-closure

(24:10) Final thoughts on moving forward and healing

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
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Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Self-Preservation

Mon, 10 Jun 2024 07:00:00 +0000

In this compelling episode of the Secret Life Podcast, Brianne Davis-Gantt delves into the powerful concept of self-preservation. Tired of the overused terms "self-care" and "self-love," Brianne introduces self-preservation as a more practical and immediate approach to protecting oneself from harm. She passionately discusses how self-preservation is essential for physical, mental, and spiritual well-being, especially for those recovering from trauma or navigating toxic relationships.

Brianne shares personal anecdotes and practical advice, emphasizing the importance of setting boundaries and intentions to safeguard oneself from harmful behaviors and people. She offers listeners valuable insights on identifying and eliminating toxic elements from their lives, whether they be habits, relationships, or environments. Through a series of reflective questions, Brianne guides us to understand what self-preservation means individually and how to implement it effectively.

This episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking to reclaim their peace and joy by prioritizing their own well-being. It's a call to action to let go of anything that causes harm and to embrace a life of intentional self-preservation.

#SecretLifePodcast #SelfPreservation #MentalHealth #Boundaries #SelfCare #TraumaRecovery #EmotionalWellness #PersonalGrowth #HealthyRelationships

🔑 Episode Keywords

Self-Preservation, Mental Health, Boundaries, Trauma Recovery, Emotional Wellness, Personal Growth, Toxic Relationships, Self-Care, Harm Reduction, Intentional Living

(00:00) Brianne: If I go into someone's life and ask for help

(00:41) Welcome to the Secret Life podcast. Today I'm pulling back the curtains of all kinds of human secrets

(01:56) Today we are talking about, dun dun dun, self preservation

(08:30) What does self preservation mean to you? You define it

(13:08) What do you need to let go of in order to create more self preservation

(15:57) Number six: What challenge do you think you may face in self preservation

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

The 6 Types of Boundaries

Mon, 03 Jun 2024 07:00:00 +0000

In this enlightening episode of the Secret Life Podcast, Brianne Davis-Gantt takes us on a deep dive into the essential topic of boundaries. She passionately unpacks the "Six Types of Boundaries"—physical, intellectual, emotional, sexual, time, and material—revealing how each plays a crucial role in cultivating a healthy, serene, and drama-free life. Brianne emphasizes the transformative power of setting and holding firm boundaries, underscoring the benefits such as enhanced self-respect, improved relationships, and greater emotional well-being.

Listeners will gain valuable insights into the importance of boundaries, especially for those who struggle with codependency, trauma, or anxious attachment. Brianne shares practical advice on how to establish these boundaries, offering step-by-step guidance on understanding their importance, deciding what works for you, and maintaining consistency. She also addresses the common pitfalls and challenges faced when setting boundaries and provides strategies to overcome them.

This episode is a must-listen for anyone looking to reclaim their personal space, improve their mental health, and foster more respectful and fulfilling relationships. Tune in to learn how to create a life with less chaos and more peace, and discover the freedom that comes with living within your own set of boundaries.

#SecretLifePodcast #Boundaries #PersonalGrowth #EmotionalWellness #MentalHealth #SelfRespect #HealthyRelationships #Codependency #TraumaRecovery #SelfCare

🔑 Episode Keywords

Boundaries, Personal Space, Emotional Well-being, Self-Respect, Healthy Relationships, Codependency, Trauma Recovery, Intellectual Boundaries, Physical Boundaries, Emotional Boundaries, Sexual Boundaries, Time Boundaries, Material Boundaries

(00:00) Have less conflict and relationships and less chaos and drama

(00:28) Welcome to the Secret Life podcast. Tell me your secret, I'll tell you mine

(01:10) After twelve years of recovery in sex and love addiction, I finally found my soulmate

(01:50) Welcome to Secret Life podcast. I'm Breanne Davis Gantt

(02:24) Today we are talking about the six types of boundaries

(03:00) You need boundaries to have a healthy, happy, serene, peaceful life

(04:02) Physical boundaries: This is my body. You do not touch it

(06:30) Intellectual boundaries: You can choose what to have a conversation about

(09:00) Emotional boundaries: You are not a dumping bag for someone else's trauma

(12:45) Sexual boundaries: Talking about sex, especially before a first date

(15:20) Time boundaries: Respect your time and other people's time

(17:50) Material boundaries: How you treat possessions and property

(21:30) How to set boundaries: Understand why it's important

(24:10) Be consistent and set reasonable consequences

(27:00) Boundaries give you freedom in the relationship

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
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Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

The Cocoon Stage: A Journey Through Solitude

Mon, 27 May 2024 07:00:00 +0000

In this transformative episode of the Secret Life Podcast, join host Brianne Davis-Gantt as she guides us through the seldom-discussed but crucial "cocoon stage" of healing. She describes it as a period of introspection and solitude following a significant life event, such as a loss or a personal revelation, where one must be gentle with themselves during the transformation from who they were into who they are becoming.

Brianne shares her personal experience, emphasizing the importance of embracing this phase without rushing, despite its challenges. She candidly discusses the feelings of confusion, questioning, and the necessity of grieving one's former self. The cocoon stage is a time to rest, reflect, and engage in activities that bring joy, as we prepare for the emergence of a new, stronger self.

Listeners will learn the value of solitude, the art of feeling emotions without judgment, and the importance of allowing the nervous system to adapt to a state of peace. Brianne's message is one of hope and encouragement: though this stage can be daunting, it's an opportunity to reconnect with fun, accept the present, and cultivate a deeper connection with oneself and others.

For anyone feeling lost in the mush and gush of their own cocoon stage, this episode is a beacon of light, guiding you towards the beautiful transformation that lies ahead. It's not just a podcast episode; it's a companion for those seeking to emerge as the butterflies they are meant to be.

#SecretLifePodcast #Healing #CocoonStage #Transformation #PersonalGrowth #SelfReflection #Solitude #EmotionalHealing #Wellness #Recovery #Joy #InnerPeace #AuthenticSelf

🔑 Episode Keywords

Cocoon Stage, Healing Process, Personal Transformation, Emotional Growth, Solitude, Self-Care, Joyful Activities, Rest and Recovery, Grieving the Past, Embracing Change, Nervous System Healing, Self-Discovery, Authenticity, Vulnerability, Connection

(00:00) After twelve years of recovery in sex and love addiction, I finally found my soulmate

(01:07) Welcome to Secret Life podcast. I'm Breanne Davis Gantt

(01:43) Today we are talking about the cocoon stage of healing

(08:06) Stay there by yourself. Go in more, isolate more at that time, really be with self

(12:19) Start feeling your emotions. Feelings are in the head. Start in the body. Let your body rest

(16:51) Have acceptance. See what yourself needs. Have conversations with yourself. You are in this state to heal, and it is not forever

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Silent Strength: The Grey Rock Approach

Mon, 20 May 2024 07:00:00 +0000

On this eye-opening episode of the Secret Life Podcast, Brianne Davis-Gantt uncovers the art of "grey rocking," a powerful strategy designed for dealing with toxic individuals and navigating difficult relationships. Brianne illuminates the concept of grey rocking as a form of emotional camouflage, where one becomes the human equivalent of a rock—unresponsive and dull—to disarm the manipulative tactics of narcissists and those with toxic tendencies.

Listeners will learn how grey rocking serves as a boundary-setting, conflict avoidance technique, particularly effective in co-parenting situations or interactions with challenging personalities. Brianne explains that by becoming uninteresting, you deny the toxic person the emotional reaction they crave, making you less appealing as a target for their antagonistic behavior.

With a blend of personal anecdotes and practical advice, Brianne walks us through the nuances of the grey rock method, emphasizing its role not as a long-term relationship solution, but as a temporary measure to maintain one's sanity and emotional well-being. She cautions that while grey rocking can initially provoke a stronger reaction from the toxic individual, steadfast application of the technique can gradually reduce their attempts to engage.

Join Brianne as she shares insights on how to effectively implement grey rocking—keeping responses minimal, avoiding eye contact, and staying emotionally neutral. This episode is a masterclass for anyone looking to protect their peace in the face of relentless toxicity. If you're ready to become a ninja in the art of disengagement, this episode is your guide to empowerment.

#SecretLifePodcast #GreyRocking #ToxicRelationships #Narcissism #EmotionalWellness #BoundarySetting #ConflictAvoidance #CoParenting #EmotionalDetachment #SelfPreservation

🔑 Episode Keywords

Grey Rocking, Toxic Individuals, Narcissistic Behavior, Emotional Camouflage, Boundary Setting, Conflict Avoidance, Co-Parenting, Emotional Detachment, Manipulation Tactics, Self-Preservation, Emotional Well-being

(00:00) Welcome to the Secret Life podcast. Tell me your secret, I'll tell you mine

(01:36) Grey rocking is a new therapeutic technique for dealing with narcissists and toxic people

(08:34) Grey rock method is about controlling your reactions to toxic people

(10:39) Grey rocking is a way of detaching from difficult people

(13:30) I hope you enjoy listening to Secret Life podcasts

______

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Evolve or Die: Winning the Game of Life

Mon, 13 May 2024 07:00:00 +0000

In this transformative episode of the Secret Life Podcast, Brianne Davis-Gantt dives deep into the essence of personal growth with a compelling discussion on the necessity of evolution in life. Brianne challenges the traditional metrics of success, revealing that true victory in life isn't about material wealth or outward appearances, but about the continuous journey of evolving as a person.

With her trademark blend of raw honesty and tough love, Brianne shares her insights into the pitfalls of stagnation and the dangers of remaining trapped in past traumas. She confronts the harsh reality faced by those who refuse to grow, detailing the emptiness that accompanies a life devoid of spiritual and emotional development, regardless of one's external achievements.

Listeners will be inspired by Brianne's call to action, urging everyone to embrace change and confront their fears head-on. She stresses that evolution isn't about grand gestures but about making small, consistent choices that lead to a more fulfilled and authentic existence. Brianne's message is clear: to win at the game of life, you must be willing to evolve, or risk being left behind in a state of spiritual decay.

This episode is not just a wake-up call; it's a roadmap to self-improvement and a testament to the power of inner work. Join Brianne as she empowers you to put down the distractions, face your inner demons, and step into the present moment—the only place where real change can occur. It's time to evolve and truly start winning at life.

#SecretLifePodcast #PersonalGrowth #Evolution #SpiritualGrowth #InnerWork #Success #Transformation #SelfImprovement #Mindfulness #Healing #EmotionalWellness #MentalHealth

🔑 Episode Keywords

Evolution, Personal Growth, Spiritual Death, Change, Healing, Inner Work, Success, Transformation, Mindfulness, Authenticity, Emotional Wellness, Mental Health, True Victory, Self-Improvement

(00:00) Welcome to the Secret Life podcast. Today I'm pulling back the curtains of human secrets

(01:39) If you want to win at the game of life, you need to evolve

(07:58) Depression is a state of being stuck in the past. Anxiety is fear of the future

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Cycle Breakers: Ending Generational Trauma

Mon, 06 May 2024 07:00:00 +0000

In this profound episode of the Secret Life Podcast, Brianne Davis-Gantt invites us into the world of cycle breakers, those courageous individuals who stand up against generational trauma and say, "This ends with me." Brianne, a self-proclaimed cycle breaker, shares her passionate journey and the honor she feels in disrupting the traumatic genetic imprint that has been passed down through her family line.

Listeners will join Brianne as she discusses the challenges and triumphs of breaking cycles of dysfunction, from recognizing unhealthy family dynamics to actively working to change inherited behaviors. She addresses the pain of becoming the family outcast, the strength it takes to maintain boundaries, and the importance of creating a new, healthier family dynamic for oneself and future generations.

With raw emotion and unwavering determination, Brianne offers insights into the coping mechanisms that cycle breakers must abandon and the support systems they need to forge ahead. This episode is a rallying cry for anyone who has ever felt the weight of their family's past and the desire to create a different future. It's a celebration of the resilience and hard work it takes to be a cycle breaker and the profound impact it can have on one's lineage.

Join Brianne as she honors the cycle breakers, shares affirmations for healing, and encourages listeners to embrace the challenge of breaking free from generational trauma. If you're ready to change the narrative of your family's story, this episode is your call to arms.

#SecretLifePodcast #CycleBreakers #GenerationalTrauma #Healing #FamilyDynamics #EmotionalWellness #PersonalGrowth #BreakingCycles #Resilience #SelfAwareness #Boundaries #SupportSystems #Affirmations

🔑 Episode Keywords

Cycle Breaker, Generational Trauma, Dysfunctional Family, Healing, Emotional Wellness, Boundaries, Support Systems, Self-Awareness, Resilience, Transformation, Family Dynamics, Narcissism, Codependency, People Pleasing, Emotional Incest, Self-Care, Affirmations

(00:00) Welcome to the Secret Life podcast. I'm Brianne Davis-Gantt

(01:58) Brianne Davis says being a cycle breaker comes at a significant cost

(07:58) To even watch somebody know this pattern and behavior doesn't work for me

(08:35) Do you refuse to repeat the same trauma cycle that you were raised in

(13:03) Being a cycle breaker can be as easy as neglect

(18:41) Learn to say no. Say no. Those are things that really helped me during my cycle breaker period

(20:17) If your family is dysfunctional, I am pushing you to join cycle breakers

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Silence is the Ultimate Boundary

Mon, 29 Apr 2024 07:00:00 +0000

In this reflective episode of the Secret Life Podcast, Brianne Davis-Gantt invites listeners to explore the profound power of silence as a boundary. With her signature candor, Brianne delves into the challenging realization that sometimes, despite our best efforts to communicate and express our boundaries, the healthiest option is to embrace silence.

Brianne shares her personal journey of discovering that silence isn't just a lack of words, but a deliberate choice to protect oneself from emotional terrorism. It's a lesson in self-preservation and the ultimate assertion of one's autonomy in the face of those who refuse to respect our voices.

Listeners will journey with Brianne as she grapples with the tension between the desire to respond and the wisdom of withdrawing. She examines scenarios where silence is not just golden, but necessary for maintaining peace and prioritizing one's well-being over unnecessary drama.

This episode challenges us to consider who in our lives is truly deserving of our voice and who might be draining our energy with their refusal to change. It's an invitation to practice the art of silence, to observe the impact it has on our lives, and to embrace the tranquility that comes from setting this most powerful of boundaries.

Join Brianne as she offers insights into handling toxic interactions with grace, and learn how choosing silence can lead to a more peaceful, drama-free existence. This is not just an episode about withholding words; it's a guide to reclaiming your peace and stepping into your power.

#SecretLifePodcast #SilenceIsABoundary #EmotionalWellness #PersonalBoundaries #SelfPreservation #PeacefulLiving #ToxicRelationships #SelfEmpowerment #InnerPeace #MentalHealth

🔑 Episode Keywords

Silence, Boundaries, Communication, Emotional Terrorism, Narcissism, Self-Care, Drama, Trauma, Accountability, Apologies, Mental Health, Toxic People, Inner Peace, Self-Preservation, Personal Growth

🎧 Episode Chapters

(00:00) Introduction to the power of silence as a boundary

(04:25) Brianne's struggle with choosing silence over communication

(08:45) Confronting emotional terrorism and protecting oneself

(13:35) The distinction between ghosting and setting a boundary with silence

(18:50) How silence can be a response to partial accountability

(24:15) The liberating effect of silence on Brianne's personal life

(29:30) An invitation to practice silence as a boundary in your own life

(35:05) The transformative peace that follows the choice of silence

(40:15) Closing thoughts and an open call for listener topics

______

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Liar, Liar

Mon, 22 Apr 2024 07:00:00 +0000

In this gripping episode of the Secret Life Podcast, Brianne Davis-Gantt pulls back the curtain on the deceptive world of liars, sharing her personal encounters with the spectrums of dishonesty. From the natural liar, whose falsehoods are a coping mechanism, to the pathological liar, who believes their own fabrications, and the chilling psychopath, whose lies are tools of manipulation, Brianne dissects the motivations and behaviors that define these deceivers.

Through her exploration, Brianne reflects on her past as a "natural liar," the survival tactics born from low self-worth and trauma. She provides a compelling analysis of how liars operate, employing vague generalities, inconsistent stories, and a lack of accountability that can wreak havoc on their lives and those around them.

Listeners are given a front-row seat to the telltale signs of a liar, the rush they get from deception, and the complex reasons behind their behavior, including dysfunctional family backgrounds and various personality disorders. Brianne doesn't just leave us in the darkness of deceit; she offers a light of hope with strategies for dealing with liars, from building a case with concrete facts to the difficult decision of when to cut ties and move on.

This episode is a powerful reminder that while liars can be convincing, we have the strength to recognize the truth, set boundaries, and ultimately, forgive ourselves for being misled. Join Brianne as she guides us through the maze of lies and out into the clarity of truth and self-trust.

#SecretLifePodcast #Liars #Deception #Truth #SelfTrust #Psychopath #PathologicalLiar #Healing #Forgiveness #PersonalGrowth

Episode Chapters

(00:00) Introduction to the episode's theme of liars

(02:00) Brianne's personal struggle with liars and her own past as a liar

(05:20) The three types of liars and their characteristics

(09:45) The signs and behaviors of a pathological liar

(14:10) The reasons behind why someone becomes a liar

(18:30) How to deal with liars and build a case against their falsehoods

(23:55) The importance of support and setting realistic goals with liars

(28:40) Knowing when to cut ties with a liar and how to heal from the experience

(33:25) Rebuilding intuition and trust after being affected by a liar

(38:00) Closing thoughts and an invitation for topic suggestions

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

The Narcissist Among Us

Mon, 15 Apr 2024 07:00:00 +0000

In this revealing episode of the Secret Life Podcast, Brianne Davis-Gantt delves into the complex and often misunderstood world of narcissism. With candid vulnerability, she shares her own experiences and tendencies, offering a personal touch to a topic that affects many. Brianne unpacks the traits of narcissism, from the subtle to the overt, and explores the root causes that can lead to these behaviors, including childhood trauma and familial patterns.

Listeners will gain a deeper understanding of how narcissists operate, the impact they have on relationships, and the ways in which they manipulate reality. Brianne doesn't shy away from the challenges of dealing with narcissists, providing practical phrases and strategies for disarming difficult interactions and protecting one's emotional well-being.

More importantly, Brianne offers a message of hope, detailing the transformative process that individuals with narcissistic tendencies can undergo. She shares actionable steps for self-improvement, emphasizing the importance of self-forgiveness, emotional awareness, and genuine connection with others.

Whether you've encountered a narcissist, recognize these tendencies within yourself, or are just seeking to understand this personality disorder better, this episode is a treasure trove of insights. Join Brianne as she guides us through the shadows of narcissism and into the light of self-awareness and change.

#SecretLifePodcast #Narcissism #SelfAwareness #PersonalGrowth #Healing #Relationships #EmotionalIntelligence #Empathy #Change #SelfImprovement

🔑 Episode Keywords

Narcissism, Personality Disorders, Empathy, Self-Awareness, Brain Scans, Dbt (Dialectical Behavior Therapy), Mindfulness, Emdr (Eye Movement Desensitization And Reprocessing), Codependency, Toxic Relationships, Self-Improvement, Emotional Regulation, Childhood Trauma, Gaslighting, Love Bombing, Vulnerability, Generational Trauma, Narcissistic Tendencies, Emotional Abuse, Healing And Recovery

Episode Chapters

(00:00) Introduction to the episode's theme of narcissism

(04:15) Brianne's personal insights on narcissistic tendencies

(08:30) The making of a narcissist: causes and developmental factors

(13:50) Recognizing the signs and behaviors of narcissism

(19:20) Strategies for dealing with narcissists and setting boundaries

(24:40) Signs that a narcissist may be open to change

(29:55) How to combat narcissistic tendencies and foster self-growth

(35:10) The importance of connection and new experiences in overcoming narcissism

(40:25) Empowering choices when dealing with unchanging narcissists

(45:50) Closing thoughts and invitation for topic suggestions

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
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Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Grief & Loss

Mon, 08 Apr 2024 07:00:00 +0000

In this heart-wrenching episode of the Secret Life Podcast, Brianne Davis-Gantt invites us into the raw and tender world of grief and loss. With the recent passing of a dear soul from her life, Brianne navigates the complex emotions that come with such a profound loss. She shares her personal struggle with the numbness that follows unexpected tragedy and the layers of pain that accompany the end of cherished relationships.

Brianne bravely confronts the reality that grief operates on its own timeline, acknowledging the frustration and impatience that arise when the heart is not ready to process the full weight of sorrow. She opens up about the challenge of sitting with the discomfort and the temptation to escape it through various distractions.

Listeners are offered an intimate look at Brianne's coping mechanism—a powerful exercise that moves the focus from the mind to the physical sensations of grief in the body. This practice teaches us to welcome our pain, allowing our nervous system to adapt to the discomfort and facilitating the healing journey.

This episode is a testament to the strength and resilience we can find within ourselves as we traverse the landscape of loss. It's a reminder that even in the depths of our darkest moments, there is hope for transformation and growth.

Join Brianne as she shares her insights and wisdom on dealing with grief, and discover how embracing our most vulnerable emotions can lead to a deeper understanding of ourselves and our capacity to love.

#SecretLifePodcast #Grief #Loss #HealingJourney #Resilience #EmotionalHealing #CopingMechanisms #Strength #Vulnerability #PersonalGrowth

If you or anyone you know is struggling with grief, loss, or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

To share your secret and be a guest on the show, email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

Episode Chapters

(00:00) Introduction to the episode's theme of grief and loss

(03:30) Brianne's recent experience with unexpected loss

(08:10) The challenge of processing grief and the body's response

(12:45) An exercise to help sit with and move through grief

(17:25) The importance of allowing grief to strengthen and teach us

(22:40) Encouragement for listeners dealing with their own grief

(27:55) Closing thoughts and resources for support

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Abandonment

Mon, 01 Apr 2024 07:00:00 +0000

In this profound episode of the Secret Life Podcast, Brianne Davis-Gantt takes us on an emotional journey through the landscape of abandonment. With unflinching honesty, she opens up about the raw sting of emotional abandonment, a phenomenon that has recently shaken her world, her clients, and the community at large. Brianne explores the pain and core wounds that surface when we feel left behind, discarded, or ignored, and questions the very notion of abandonment in adulthood.

She meticulously walks us through the stages of abandonment trauma, from the initial shock and confusion to the eventual empowerment and healing. Brianne offers a poignant reflection on her personal struggle with feelings of being discarded, and how these experiences tie back to childhood wounds and the fear of not being enough.

Listeners will be invited to examine their own experiences with abandonment, whether through death, divorce, or emotional distance. Brianne challenges the idea that adults can be abandoned in the same way children can, emphasizing the power we have to seek support, express our grief, and ultimately find strength in the face of loss.

This episode is not just about the pain of abandonment, but about the growth and clarity that can emerge from it. It's a call to recognize the clearing that takes place when relationships end, and the opportunity to deepen our relationship with ourselves.

Join Brianne as she shares her tools for navigating these turbulent emotional waters, from writing goodbye letters to practicing self-care and compassion. If you've ever felt the ache of being left behind or questioned your own worth in the wake of a severed connection, this episode offers a compassionate embrace and a roadmap to resilience.

#SecretLifePodcast #EmotionalAbandonment #Healing #PersonalGrowth #Resilience #SelfWorth #Compassion #Grief #Empowerment #CoreWounds #Relationships #SelfCare

Episode Chapters

(00:00) Introduction to the episode's theme of abandonment

(02:15) Brianne's personal encounter with emotional abandonment

(07:50) The developmental stages of abandonment trauma

(13:30) Early causes of abandonment issues in childhood

(19:45) The definition and impact of emotional abandonment in adults

(26:10) Strategies for processing and overcoming feelings of abandonment

(32:35) Embracing grief and empowerment after loss

(39:00) Final thoughts on transforming abandonment into personal clearing and growth

(44:25) Closing remarks and resources for listeners

______

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Love Bombing!

Mon, 25 Mar 2024 07:00:00 +0000

In this enthralling episode of the Secret Life Podcast, Brianne Davis-Gantt pulls back the curtain on the intoxicating yet perilous world of love bombing. With the precision of an emotional detective, Brianne dissects the manipulative tactics of love bombers, sharing her own past as both the perpetrator and the recipient of this seductive strategy. She exposes the lure of intense affection and the hollow promises that often leave a trail of confusion and hurt.

Brianne equips listeners with the signs to watch out for, from excessive compliments to premature declarations of love, and dives into the psychology behind the need to rapidly secure a partner's affection. She challenges us to resist the rush and to recognize the difference between genuine connection and strategic manipulation.

This episode is a deep dive into the complexities of modern dating, the misuse of therapeutic language, and the dangers of mistaking intensity for intimacy. Brianne's insights are a call to action for those who find themselves ensnared by love bombers or who may unknowingly be one themselves.

If you've ever felt the dizzying highs and abrupt lows of a love-bombed relationship or if you're navigating the dating world's treacherous waters, this episode is a guiding light. Tune in for a raw, enlightening exploration of love, deception, and the journey to authentic connection on the Secret Life Podcast.

#SecretLifePodcast #LoveBombing #EmotionalManipulation #Dating #Relationships #Intimacy #ModernDating #AuthenticConnection #SelfAwareness #Boundaries #HealthyRelationships

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Sitting in the Unknown

Mon, 18 Mar 2024 07:00:00 +0000

In this compelling installment of the Secret Life Podcast, join Brianne Davis-Gantt as she delves into the uncomfortable but transformative space of sitting in the unknown. Sharing her own current personal struggle, Brianne candidly discusses the challenges of navigating uncertainty in relationships and life decisions. She reflects on the torment of not having clear answers and the instinctive urge to escape the discomfort through distraction or quick fixes.

Brianne's vulnerability shines as she recounts past experiences where surrendering to the unknown led to unexpected and beautiful outcomes. She emphasizes the importance of building resilience by resisting the temptation to run from discomfort and instead, learning to sit with it. This episode is a testament to the growth that can occur when we allow ourselves to feel the full spectrum of our emotions, even when it's daunting.

Listeners will be inspired by Brianne's raw honesty and her encouragement to embrace the lessons hidden within life's uncertainties. If you've ever felt paralyzed by not knowing what's next, or if you've struggled to find peace amidst ambiguity, this episode offers a powerful perspective on the beauty of patience, trust, and the courage to feel rather than fear.

#SecretLifePodcast #SittingInTheUnknown #Uncertainty #PersonalGrowth #EmotionalResilience #Discomfort #LifeTransitions #TrustTheProcess #Vulnerability #Patience #Courage #EmbracingEmotions

Episode Chapters

(00:00) Introduction to the discomfort of the unknown

(03:45) Brianne's personal story of uncertainty in a close relationship

(09:20) The struggle of wanting answers and the urge to control outcomes

(13:55) Learning from past experiences of surrendering to the unknown

(18:40) The power of sitting with discomfort and what it teaches us

(22:50) Encouragement to face the unknown with patience and trust

(27:30) Closing thoughts and an invitation for listener engagement

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Red Flags

Mon, 11 Mar 2024 07:00:00 +0000

In this riveting, Brianne Davis-Gantt confronts the warning signs we often overlook in relationships: the infamous red flags. With the acuity of a seasoned detective, Brianne unpacks the subtle and not-so-subtle signals that foreshadow trouble ahead. She shares anecdotes from her clients' experiences in the murky waters of dating, marriage, and even friendships, providing a comprehensive look at the red flags that surface in various types of relationships.

Brianne doesn't just stop at the obvious – she digs deeper into the nuanced red flags like the misuse of therapeutic language as a form of love bombing, the dangers of toxic positivity in dating profiles, and the covert tactics of narcissism that can isolate and control. She also tackles the difficult topic of how our own desires and insecurities can blind us to these signs, such as the allure of an aggressive partner or the comfort of a familiar but toxic friend.

Listeners are invited to examine their own thresholds for what constitutes a red flag versus a deal breaker. Brianne's insights offer a powerful reminder that not every red flag is a call to arms; sometimes, it's simply a sign that it's time to wave the white flag and find peace in walking away.

If you've ever questioned whether to stay or go, felt puzzled by mixed signals, or wondered how to distinguish a genuine connection from a deceptive facade, this episode is your guide through the labyrinth of red flags. Tune in to learn how to navigate the complexities of human connections with clarity and confidence.

#SecretLifePodcast #RedFlags #Relationships #Dating #Marriage #Friendships #LoveBombing #ToxicPositivity #Narcissism #DealBreakers #SelfAwareness #HealthyBoundaries #EmotionalIntelligence

Episode Chapters

(00:00) Introduction to the world of red flags

(05:20) Red flags in online dating and love bombing

(11:45) Unpacking the red flags in marriage dynamics

(17:30) Navigating red flags in friendships

(23:15) The intersection of self-awareness and red flags

(29:00) When red flags become deal breakers

(34:10) Closing thoughts and invitation for listener stories

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Taking Accountability For Your Actions

Mon, 04 Mar 2024 08:00:00 +0000

In this eye-opening episode of Secret Life Podcast, Brianne Davis-Gantt tackles the elusive and often avoided topic of accountability. With the passion of a seasoned coach who's seen it all, Brianne dives into the stories we tell ourselves to dodge responsibility and the victim mentality that ensnares so many. She shares her own struggles with saying "I'm sorry" and the transformative power of owning one's actions.

Brianne dissects the excuses and justifications that keep us from acknowledging our role in our misfortunes. She challenges listeners to examine their relationships and life choices, urging them to stop pointing fingers and start looking inward. This episode is a candid exploration of the consequences of blame-shifting and the liberation that comes from embracing accountability.

Listeners will be guided through the discomfort of admitting fault and inspired to practice self-honesty. Brianne's personal anecdotes and tough love approach make for a compelling call to action: to stop playing the victim, to apologize when necessary, and to maintain integrity in all aspects of life.

If you've ever found yourself in a cycle of deflection or stuck in the blame game, this episode offers a roadmap to self-accountability and the peace that follows. Join us for a journey into the heart of personal responsibility on Secret Life Podcast.

#SecretLifePodcast #Accountability #PersonalResponsibility #VictimMentality #SelfHonesty #Apologies #Integrity #SelfReflection #LifeChoices #Relationships #BlameGame #Transformation #Growth #SelfImprovement

Episode Chapters

(01:15) Brianne's personal battle with admitting fault

(03:30) The cost of avoiding accountability and playing the victim

(06:50) How to recognize and break patterns of blame-shifting

(10:30) The power of saying "I'm sorry" and its impact on relationships

(14:45) Strategies for embracing accountability in daily life

(18:00) The importance of self-honesty and integrity

(22:35) Brianne's challenge to listeners: find areas to take accountability

(26:00) Closing thoughts and an invitation to share your stories

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Unrealistic Expectations of Yourself

Mon, 26 Feb 2024 08:00:00 +0000

In this revelatory episode of the Secret Life Podcast, Brianne Davis-Gantt confronts the pervasive challenge of unrealistic expectations we place upon ourselves. With the wisdom of someone who has navigated the treacherous path of self-improvement, Brianne dissects the notion that life must be fair, that opportunity should appear, and that personal growth should be rewarded with immediate, tangible benefits.

Brianne shares a poignant conversation with a client struggling to reconcile the work they've done with the expectations of where they should be. She questions the rationale behind the belief that eight months of effort should undo 22 years of trauma, toxic behaviors, and self-sabotaging patterns. This episode is a heart-to-heart on the patience and compassion required in the healing journey and the understanding that the true prize is in the process itself.

Listeners are invited to reflect on their compassion, the flexibility they allow in their personal growth, and the grace with which they handle their mistakes. Brianne offers a gentle reminder that the journey to self-improvement isn't about collecting gold stars but about embracing the layered complexity of our own development.

If you've ever found yourself frustrated with the pace of your progress or caught in the trap of expecting too much too soon, tune in for a dose of reality and reassurance. This episode is a must-listen for anyone looking to recalibrate their expectations and find peace in the incremental victories of self-discovery.

#SecretLifePodcast #UnrealisticExpectations #SelfCompassion #PersonalGrowth #HealingJourney #MentalHealth #SelfImprovement #InnerWork #ShadowWork #LifeOnLifesTerms #Patience #SelfCare #EmotionalWellness

Unrealistic Expectations, Healing Process, Compassion, Personal Development, Mental Health Journey, Inner Child Work, Self-Improvement, Healthy Relationships, Emotional Growth, Self-Acceptance, Life Challenges, Shadow Work, Self-Discovery, Recovery, Transformation

Episode Chapters

(01:15) The struggle with unrealistic expectations of self

(05:30) The conversation with a client about healing timelines

(10:44) The myths of quick fixes and instant gratification in personal growth

(15:22) The importance of self-compassion and patience in the healing journey

(20:55) How to practice flexibility and allow yourself grace

(26:03) The significance of embracing the process over seeking the prize

(31:17) Closing thoughts and how to share your own journey with us

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
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Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Confusing Intensity For Intimacy

Mon, 19 Feb 2024 08:00:00 +0000

In this enthralling installment of the Secret Life Podcast, Brianne Davis-Gantt delves deep into the often-confused realms of intensity and intimacy. With the precision of a seasoned guide, she navigates the tumultuous waters where the thrill of a new relationship can easily be mistaken for a genuine connection. Brianne unravels the complex ties between our nervous systems and our need for intense experiences, revealing how this quest for a high can lead us astray.

Through candid discussions with her clients and personal reflections, Brianne dissects the allure of the passionate, all-consuming love that movies and myths have sold us. She exposes the truth behind these feelings – a nervous system hijacked by past traumas and an addiction to drama that masks itself as love. In contrast, she paints a picture of true intimacy as a calm, safe, and equal exchange between two whole individuals.

This episode is a beacon for those seeking to understand why they chase the rollercoaster relationships and how to recognize the steady glow of healthy companionship. Brianne offers practical advice for retraining our nervous systems to appreciate the subtler, yet more sustainable forms of intimacy. If you've ever mistaken a heart-racing fling for a soulmate connection, this conversation is a must-listen.

Join us as we challenge the misconceptions of love and learn to embrace the gentle power of real intimacy over the deceptive rush of intensity. It's time to redefine what it means to be truly close to someone, without the drama.

#SecretLifePodcast #IntensityVsIntimacy #HealthyRelationships #EmotionalHealth #TrueConnection #LoveMythsDebunked #RelationshipGoals #NervousSystem #TraumaInformed #SelfAwareness #HealthyBoundaries

Episode Chapters

(02:15) The confusion between intensity and intimacy

(07:48) How our nervous systems crave and recreate trauma

(13:34) The signs of an unhealthy intensity in relationships

(19:57) Defining true intimacy and how it differs from intensity

(25:42) Practical tips for nurturing a healthy, intimate relationship

(31:09) Embracing calm and safety over chaos and intensity

🔑 Episode Keywords

Intensity Vs Intimacy, Healthy Dating, Love Addiction, Secret Life Podcast, Brianne Davis Gantt, Hollywood Sex And Love Addict, Emotional Health, Relationship Advice, Trauma And Relationships, Inner Child Work, Shadow Work, Personal Recovery Stories, Sex And Love Addicts Anonymous, Nervous System Regulation, Codependency, Toxic Relationships, Self-Help Books, Amazon Bestsellers, Intimacy In Relationships, Healthy Boundaries

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Never Underestimate Trauma

Mon, 12 Feb 2024 08:00:00 +0000

In this profound episode of Secret Life Podcast, Brianne Davis-Gantt confronts the underestimated force of trauma and its pervasive influence on our lives. With unflinching honesty, Brianne delves into the myriad ways trauma manifests, from addictions and toxic relationships to relentless pursuits of success and material possessions. Through a powerful narrative, she shares a gripping intervention story, shedding light on trauma's role in substance abuse and the often overlooked emotional wounds beneath.

Join Brianne as she emphasizes the importance of facing our past pains and the dangers of trivializing our experiences by comparing them to others'. She encourages listeners to ask themselves hard-hitting questions about their behaviors and to recognize the signs of unaddressed trauma. Whether it's neglect, abandonment, or abuse, Brianne stresses that trauma doesn't discriminate and can impact anyone, regardless of their outward success or happiness.

This episode is a call to action to stop running from our shadows and to start the healing process. Brianne offers practical advice for uncovering and confronting the trauma that lies hidden within, advocating for a life of true freedom and release from the patterns that hold us back. If you're ready to break the cycle and face the trauma that's been steering your life, this episode is an essential listen.

#SecretLifePodcast #Trauma #HealingJourney #Addiction #MentalHealth #EmotionalPain #Recovery #SelfDiscovery #Intervention #TrueFreedom #HealingTrauma #PersonalGrowth

🔑 Episode Keywords

Trauma, Recovery, Addiction, Mental Health, Self-Help, Healing, Intervention, Therapy, Personal Growth, Sex And Love Addiction, Toxic Relationships, Substance Abuse, Self-Care, Emotional Neglect, Childhood Trauma, Coping Mechanisms, Self-Discovery, Personal Stories, Overcoming Challenges, Self-Improvement

📋 Episode Chapters

(00:00) Introduction to Secret Life Podcast

(01:15) The intervention that revealed the impact of trauma

(06:42) The many disguises of trauma in our behaviors

(12:58) The importance of acknowledging and addressing trauma

(18:22) Practical tools for uncovering and dealing with trauma

(24:37) The call for authenticity and healing in our lives

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Toxic Long-Term Friendships

Mon, 05 Feb 2024 08:00:00 +0000

Dive into a raw and transformative journey with Brianne Davis-Gantt on this week's Secret Life Podcast, where she exposes the harsh reality of enduring toxic friendships. Brianne pulls no punches as she explores the reasons we cling to long-term relationships that drain our spirit and violate our boundaries. With her characteristic candor, she shares the signs of unhealthy friendships, from friends who can't rejoice in your success to those who emotionally manipulate or abandon you when you need them most.

Through personal anecdotes and professional insights, Brianne guides listeners through the process of recognizing these detrimental patterns and the courage it takes to let go. If you're grappling with the pain of a friendship breakup or questioning the dynamics of your social circle, this episode offers a powerful reflection on self-worth and the pursuit of truly supportive connections. It's time to reassess your friendships and make space for healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

Tune in, and prepare to be empowered to release the toxic ties that bind.

#SecretLifePodcast #ToxicFriendships #LettingGo #HealthyBoundaries #SelfWorth #FriendshipBreakups #EmotionalHealth #PersonalGrowth #RealTalk #LifeLessons

📋 Episode Chapters

(00:00) Welcome to secret life podcast. I'm Brianne Davis-Gantt

(01:05) A lot of my clients have let go of toxic friendships recently

(05:39) They appear only for the good times and they're never there for the hard times

(11:37) Many people that I work with, their friendships cannot disagree about something

(17:13) Get rid of toxic friendships and see if you have any healthy ones

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Toxic Positivity

Mon, 29 Jan 2024 08:00:00 +0000

In this eye-opening episode of the Secret Life Podcast, Brianne Davis-Gantt tackles the pervasive culture of toxic positivity and the misconception that positive thinking alone can heal deep-seated trauma. With her trademark blend of passion and authenticity, Brianne challenges the societal pressure to maintain a facade of happiness, arguing that true healing requires us to confront and feel our pain, not mask it with forced optimism. From vision boards to mantras, she debunks the myths that often hinder our emotional growth and advocates for a more honest approach to our inner struggles. Listen in as Brianne shares heartfelt stories, including her son's raw expression of emotion, to illustrate the power of embracing every feeling as it comes. If you're tired of the "good vibes only" narrative and ready to explore the real journey of healing, this episode is a must-listen.

#SecretLifePodcast #ToxicPositivity #EmbraceThePain #RealEmotions #HealingTrauma #AuthenticLiving #EmotionalHonesty #FeelToHeal #NoMoreMasks #TheTruthAboutPositivity

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Unlocking the Five Types of Intimacy

Mon, 22 Jan 2024 08:00:00 +0000

As we journey beyond the initial rush of lust that so often masquerades as connection, Brianne breaks down the five essential types of intimacy: physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and social. With her signature blend of humor and raw honesty, she shares personal anecdotes from her own 19-year relationship, offering insights into the evolution and deepening of intimate bonds over time. Whether you're navigating the complexities of a long-term partnership or seeking to enrich your connections across all spheres of life, this episode is a profound exploration of the art of intimacy. Tune in to discover how to cultivate a richer, more fulfilling life through the power of connection.

Intimacy In Relationships, Sex And Love Addiction, Emotional Intimacy, Physical Intimacy, Intellectual Intimacy, Spiritual Intimacy, Social Intimacy, Relationship Advice, Love Bombing, Trauma And Recovery, Healthy Relationships, Connection And Isolation, Personal Growth, Communication In Marriage, Therapy And Self-Help, Relationship Longevity, Addiction Recovery, Vulnerability In Relationships, Sexual Connection, Moral Values In Partnerships

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📋 Episode Chapters

(00:00) Welcome to the Secret Life podcast. After twelve years of recovery in sex and love addiction

(01:08) Welcome to Secret Life podcast. I'm Breanne Davis Gantt

(01:45) Today we are talking about the five types of intimacy we got

(05:33) Real emotional intimacy takes time to build, not infatuation

(11:26) Spiritual intimacy can help couples move through tough times, Mark says

(18:14) Look at your degree of social intimacy with your friends and partners

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

Secret Life Podcast's episodes include topics addressing addiction and recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness.

______

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Porn: The Intimacy Killer - Fantasy vs. Reality

Mon, 15 Jan 2024 08:00:00 +0000

Explore the complex dynamics of intimacy in the latest episode of the Secret Life Podcast with host Brianne Davis-Gantt. Join the candid conversation as she delves into the impact of pornography on relationships, shedding light on how it can blur the lines between fantasy and reality. Brianne shares personal insights and stories from her journey, questioning the effects of widespread exposure to explicit content on emotional and physical connections. Tune in to uncover thought-provoking perspectives on the evolving landscape of intimacy in the digital age.

#SecretLifePodcast #IntimacyTalks #SecretLife #Relationships #IntimacyRevealed

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

F- Resolutions! Lasting Change Means You Gotta Feel the Pain

Mon, 08 Jan 2024 08:00:00 +0000

In this episode of the Secret Life Podcast, Brianne Davis-Gantt dives into the concept of lasting change, emphasizing the need to embrace pain and the journey of evolution. Sharing personal experiences, she challenges the conventional idea of New Year's resolutions and encourages listeners to focus on continuous improvement rather than setting unrealistic goals. Brianne advocates for leaning into discomfort and discusses how pain can be a catalyst for profound personal growth.

#SecretLifePodcast #EmbraceTheJourney #ChangeThroughPain #EvolveEveryday #LastingChange #NewYearRealTalk #NoResolutions #PodcastWisdom #RawAndReal #SelfImprovementJourney #TransformativeTalk #BeyondResolutions #RealisticGoals #PodcastInspiration #PainfulGrowth #2024Evolution #AuthenticSelf #BreakTheResolutionCycle #TrueTransformation #NewYearReflections

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Emotional Currency: The Real Wealth in Relationships

Mon, 01 Jan 2024 08:00:00 +0000

In this exciting new direction for the show, Brianne opens up about the often-overlooked concept of emotional currency in relationships. Drawing from her 19-year marriage, she challenges societal norms that prioritize financial contributions over emotional support. Brianne shares personal experiences and explores how emotional currency, the value one brings to a relationship through emotional fulfillment, is equally, if not more, important than monetary contributions. Listeners who already know Brianne will find this episode a fresh and insightful take on relationships, while new listeners are invited to join the candid conversation about love, life, and the real wealth in connections.

#EmotionalCurrency #RelationshipDynamics #MonetizedVsEmotional #SecretLifePodcast #SoulSearchingJourney #RecoveryAndAddiction #HollywoodSecrets #DarkSecrets #HumanExperience #CouchTalks

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

To find out more about Brianne's coaching, check out her website: https://briannedaviscoach.com/

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Brianne: I Hate Change & Introducing The New Episode Format

Mon, 25 Dec 2023 08:00:00 +0000

The Secret Life Podcast takes a bold turn in this episode as host Brianne confronts her fear of change and announces a significant shift in the show's format. After three years of sharing secrets and fostering a supportive community, Brianne opens up about the emotional challenges of letting go and the difficulty of navigating endings. Candidly discussing the overwhelming demands of her flourishing career and personal life, she recounts the pivotal 2 a.m. realization that sparked a profound decision. As the podcast undergoes a transformation, Brianne expresses both excitement and nervousness about the upcoming changes, assuring listeners that the essence of connection and support will remain intact. In the spirit of evolution, the Secret Life Podcast promises a fresh approach, combining personal narratives with insightful discussions on topics such as emotional intimacy, trauma, and codependency. Listeners are invited to embrace this new chapter and continue their journey of self-discovery alongside Brianne.

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Best Of: Ricky B - F*ck Cancer—Breakdown to Breakthrough

Mon, 18 Dec 2023 08:00:00 +0000

Checking himself into a psych ward with 29 years of sobriety was the last thing Ricky B. thought he would do. But after an aggressive prostate cancer diagnosis, he found the distant darkness that had plagued him in the past snuck back in. And the only option that made sense was to take his life. Yet he kept that all to himself. Yet another example that people are facing their own battles all the time, even if it isn't obvious. Ricky shares his heart-wrenching story as he turns his life around, identifies past resentments, and like a phoenix out of the ashes, finds true peace and serenity once again.

Continuing our Best Of series, we share some of our listener favorites. The episode originally aired as EP #12 in August of 2020.

Connect with Ricky B on Instagram

September is Suicide Prevention Month -- You're not alone: Whether you have struggled with suicide yourself or have lost a loved one, know you are not alone. Hear about personal experiences from people in your local community whose lives have been impacted by suicide. Please check out American Foundation for Suicide Prevention: https://afsp.org

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Best Of: Diane - I'm Married and Have Had Emotional Affairs

Mon, 11 Dec 2023 08:00:00 +0000

Is it really cheating? If you haven't actually done anything? But it's clear, that it can be very dangerous to get involved in.An emotional affair generally starts innocently enough as a friendship. But when a person invests significant emotional energy and time in a close friendship outside of their marriage, it's possible for the friendship to form an emotional bond that ultimately threatens and hurts the person's intimacy with their spouse or partner.

While there are those who believe that an emotional affair is harmless given that there is no sexual relationship, most marriage and relationship experts view it as a form of cheating. Emotional affairs can also act as gateway affairs, eventually leading to both emotional and sexual infidelity. For many, the most hurtful and painful consequence of a partner's emotional cheating is the sense of being deceived, betrayed, and lied to.

Continuing our Best Of series, we share some of our listener favorites. The episode originally aired as EP #119. Sept of 2022.

______

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Ashley: I Secretly Don’t Like My Friends

Mon, 04 Dec 2023 08:00:00 +0000

So, you know, sometimes old friendships kinda fade away because, like, all you have left is the good ol' days, you know? Like, people change and stuff – interests, opinions, life paths – it's just the natural flow of things.

Imagine, our guest Ashley is going through this, trying to figure out where her friendships stand. You get to a point where all you and your friend talk about are those crazy memories from way back when. And hey, reminiscing is cool, it hits those brain reward buttons and is tied to mental toughness or whatever. But when that's all you got, and you're on different life vibes now, it's like, "What's up with this friendship, you know?" Life moves, people change, and sometimes you outgrow those old connections.

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Charlie: I’m Dating a Man 17 Years Younger Than Me

Mon, 27 Nov 2023 08:00:00 +0000

In this intriguing episode, we explore the clandestine love affair of Charlie, a woman who unexpectedly found herself entwined in a romance with a man 17 years her junior. Charlie opens up about the joys and challenges of their secret relationship, detailing the initial hesitations, the thrill of covert rendezvous, and the emotional rollercoaster of keeping their connection hidden from judgmental eyes.

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!

Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify

Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora

Spread the word via social media

Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast

Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Best Of: Nico: I Was in a 4 Year Affair With My Married Boss

Mon, 20 Nov 2023 08:00:00 +0000

Seduced by her powerful and charismatic boss, Nico found herself in a four year affair that got more and more adventurous as time went on.

Continuing our Best Of series, we share some of our listener favorites. The episode originally aired as EP #125 on October 31, 2022.

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Charla: I Was So Shut Down, I Could Have Walked Away From My Kids

Mon, 13 Nov 2023 08:00:00 +0000

Charla started to shut down emotionally since age six. From emotional and physical abuse, to neglect and losing her virginity to rape at sixteen, Charla had to shut down in order to survive. Her underlying self-talk is, “Charla, you don’t matter.” As she got older and got into more relationships, she found herself trauma bonding and eventually found herself in recovery from Sex and Love Addiction (SLAA).

*TRIGGER WARNING - This episode contains topics of sexual assault and trauma. Some people may find it disturbing.

RAINN - Sexual Assault Hotline Call 800.656.HOPE (4673) to be connected with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area.

How does it work? When you call 800.656.HOPE (4673), you’ll be routed to a local RAINN affiliate organization based on the first six digits of your phone number. Cell phone callers have the option to enter the ZIP code of their current location to more accurately locate the nearest sexual assault service provider.

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Best Of: Mark — Money: From Debt to Abundance

Mon, 06 Nov 2023 08:00:00 +0000

Secret Life Podcast Ep #179 — Best Of: Mark — Money: From Debt to Abundance — In honor of Mark's 13-Year Anniversary from debting on Sunday, we wanted to replay this powerful episode. — Debting and underearning were destroying Mark’s relationships, career, and ultimately his sanity. With 20 years of sobriety, he found himself at yet another bottom. Underearning wasn’t just about an inability to pay his bills; it was a more profound belief that he wasn’t ever going to get what he desired. As he uncovered, discovered, and discarded the shame he carried around his money issues, Mark found the willingness to own his talents, speak his truth and created a stronger relationship with his wife.

Episode was originally aired on November 23, 2020, as Ep #25.

TV, feature and commercial writer/director Mark Gantt produces the Secret Life podcast with his beautiful and talented writer/director/host wife, Brianne Davis. They live in Los Angeles with their son Davis and dog Bear.

To connect with Mark:

Social Media (@markgantt) : Instagram | Facebook | Twitter

Websites: markganttdirector.com | markgantt.com

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

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Nicole: I’m a Working Mom and I Feel Guilty Focussing on My Career

Mon, 30 Oct 2023 07:00:00 +0000

Working from home is also a double-edged sword for parents, who can find themselves taking on a disproportionate share of household and child care responsibilities on top of their paid work. The effect is more pronounced for parents whose partners work outside the home, and for moms, who still do the majority of child care in American families.

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

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Best Of: Brianne Davis — Crushing Dyslexia, ADHD & Publishing a Book

Mon, 23 Oct 2023 07:00:00 +0000

Ever since she was little, Brianne Davis had the belief that she wasn’t smart because she struggled with standardized testing due to her dyslexia and ADHD. Those negative voices of doubt and shame plagued her no matter how successful, abundant, or happy she was. As she peeled away the layers of the false self she created to protect her, her unique talent, voice, and purpose came into the light. Just days before releasing her debut novel, Brianne shares her journey and the gift of showing up for yourself despite your fears.

Continuing our Best Of series, we share some of our listener favorites. The episode originally aired on February 8, 2021, as Ep #35.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with an addiction, depression, trauma, or sexual abuse, we've compiled a list of resources at https://secretlifepodcast.com.

If you'd like to share your secret on the show or want to share your thoughts about an episode, please send an email to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com.

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Subscribe, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate
You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

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Brooke: I Might Be a Sex & Love Addict; I've Slept with Over 100 People

Mon, 16 Oct 2023 07:00:00 +0000

In this week's episode, we delve into Brooke's compelling story of seeking acceptance and battling personal demons in the world of love and sex addiction. From her humble origins in a small town, where friends and family subjected her to bullying, to her discovery of a supportive online community that embraced her for who she truly is, this is a narrative of resilience and transformation. Join us as we follow Brooke's path through the shadows of desire, addiction, and depression, where she not only confronts her darkest temptations but also discovers the power of love in its most unexpected forms.

Take the questionnaire yourself:https://slaafws.org/40-questions/

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Best Of: Paul Gilmartin — I've Struggled with a Video Game Addiction

Mon, 09 Oct 2023 07:00:00 +0000

Is Video Game Addiction Real? It’s great to do things you enjoy. But can you go too far with a hobby? And at what point does it become an addiction? That’s the question experts are trying to answer about playing video games.

Continuing our Best Of series, we share some of our listener favorites. The episode originally aired on March 21, 2022, as Ep #93.

The World Health Organization added “gaming disorder” to the 2018 version of its medical reference book, International Classification of Diseases. But the American Psychiatry Association’s manual, the DSM-5, didn’t. (So far, gambling is the only “activity” listed as a possible addiction.)

Signs to Watch For

The DSM-5 does include a section to help people and doctors know the warning signs of problem video gaming. These problems can happen whether you play online or offline.

Here’s what to look for in yourself or someone close to you -- your partner, a child, or a friend. You need to have five or more of these signs in 1 year to have a problem, according to criteria that were proposed in the DSM-5:

Thinking about gaming all or a lot of the time
Feeling bad when you can’t play
Needing to spend more and more time playing to feel good
Not being able to quit or even play less
Not wanting to do other things that you used to like
Having problems at work, school, or home because of your gaming
Playing despite these problems
Lying to people close to you about how much time you spend playing
Using gaming to ease bad moods and feelings

From WebMD

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness.

_____

Comedian Paul Gilmartin hosts a weekly, hour-long audio podcast, The Mental Illness Happy Hour, consisting of interviews with artists, friends, and the occasional doctor.

Podcast: The Mental Illness Happy Hour Podcast | Website | Instagram | Twitter

Check it out wherever you podcast Apple | Google | Amazon | Instagram

______

Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
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Spread the word via social media
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

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Jaime: I Was Married to a Meth Addict

Mon, 02 Oct 2023 07:00:00 +0000

Jamie was living with her meth-addicted husband for over two years while pregnant with their second child. Though she knew something was wrong, he repeatedly lied and made her feel crazy. She suffered in silence to protect him until she found his "sex den" and crack pipes, confirming her worst fears. In a last-ditch effort, she staged an intervention with his family. After dropping him at rehab, she felt free for the first time in years.

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

TRANSCRIPT:

Jaime: Like, I found a crackpipe. And then he would give me, like, one. Yes, but then he said he would stop, and then I would drug test him. And I didn't realize there was something called synthetic urine. I mean, this is all stuff I had to figure out by myself.

Brianne: Welcome to the Secret Life Podcast. Tell me your secret, I'll tell you mine.

Brianne: Sometimes you have to go through the darkness to reach the light. That's what I did. After twelve years of recovery in sex and love addiction, I finally found my soulmate myself. Please join me in my novel, secret Life of a Hollywood Sex and love Addict. A four time bestseller on Amazon. It's a brutal, honest, raw, gnarly ride, but hilarious at the same time. Check it out now on Amazon. Welcome to Secret Life Podcast. I'm Breanne Davis Gantt. Today, I'm pulling back the curtains of all kinds of human secrets. We'll hear about what people are hiding from themselves or others. You know, those deep, dark secrets we probably want to go to our grave with, or those lighter, funnier secrets that are just plain embarrassing, really, the how, what, when, where, and why of it all. And today, my guest is Jamie.

Jamie was living with a meth addict, and he hid it from her

Brianne: Now, Jamie, I have a question for you. What is your secret?

Jaime: My secret is that I was living with a meth addict, and he was my husband. And, he hid it from me from a very long time, and I, had to become a sleuth and figure it out and then escape it.

Brianne: Wow. Okay. So many questions. Okay. Before you knew his problem and his addiction, were you even lying to yourself that something was going on? Did you have any inkling?

Jaime: I partied a lot when I was younger, so I'm not a saint.

Brianne: None of us are, girl. Don't even worry about that.

Jaime: So I was more upset that we didn't have trust and faith in each other, that he could at least be honest with me. So I knew something was up right away, and I kept approaching him and asking him and telling him that I was a safe space and he needed to at least tell me the truth and then we could help each other. And he just kept lying to me. And so he made me feel like I was crazy and that I didn't know what I was talking about. And I was wrong, and how dare I? And so it really tests a woman's intuition, which is amazing, and we're right, and we just don't listen to ourselves.

Brianne: you are already stating what I've been saying. A woman knows, like, you know when something's not right, and then sometimes the other person, a man or a woman, makes you feel like you're crazy, right.

Jaime: Because they don't want to get caught.

Brianne: Yeah.

Jaime: For his sake. It's a sickness. I mean, doing meth is not a small thing, but I was desperately trying to help. But then the more you tell me I don't know what I'm talking about, and the more it goes down a rabbit hole. And then meth leads to sex addiction, which he had, and a porn addiction, which he had. And then I was pregnant with my second child and had a three year old as well. So on top of this feeling crazy, destroying this absolutely amazing moment that I was supposed to be living in, it turned into a hell for me.

Brianne: Yeah. And especially being pregnant, knowing all those hormones, taking care of a toddler, and trying to keep your marriage together, and you're trying to just hold it together.

Your husband used synthetic urine to pass drug tests while pregnant

Brianne: Now here's my question for you. How long was it going on? How long were you questioning him?

Jaime: I was questioning him from the moment I was pregnant until, our second child was, about a year and a half because I just couldn't like, I found a crackpipe, and then he would give me, like, one. Yes, but then he said he would stop, and then I would drug test him. And I didn't realize there was something called synthetic urine. I mean, this is all stuff I had to figure out by myself.

Brianne: Wait, okay, I don't know what synthetic urine is. Can you explain to the listeners and me what that is?

Jaime: So synthetic urine is something you can use to pass a drug test that you can buy, apparently, at ah, like headshots. That's what I've been told. And you use it to have clean urine. And he hid his in his pants, warmed it up in his pants, and would use it to take a drug test right in front of me.

Brianne: Like put a hole in it, and then it squirted.

Jaime: It's like a squirt bottle.

Brianne: Yeah.

Jaime: So imagine visine or something. Or something like that. So, yeah, it was pretty like the levels of deception where he was trying to make me feel crazy was insane. So that was really hard for me.

Brianne: So when you finally figured it out and he said, yes, that is my crackpipe, and he was going to stop, did you then keep the secret longer from other people around you? Did anybody know what was going on? So this you kept to yourself.

Jaime: I suffered in silence for about a year and a half, and then I finally opened up to his parents because I was desperately trying to save his life, because once his parents found out, we were going to lose everything because they are his lifeline. And I just desperately didn't want my friends to know, so I didn't have to tell them later. Oh, yeah, my husband's a meth addict, and so I just punished myself, basically.

Brianne: So you kept this secret and you were trying to save somebody, which I know and other people probably listening know you cannot save anyone if they don't want to be saved. So it's almost an impossible task. You're putting on yourself?

Jaime: It was. And looking back, it only hurt everybody because my kids were getting half of me. I was a shell. And the first time I saw it, I just should have left. And then he would have had to figure it out himself.

You're looking actively at one specific woman, for him at least

Brianne: So what was your darkest moment, holding this secret? Do you remember a specific moment where you looked for me? I'll just say like one of my darkest moment. I remember I floated out of my body and was kind of like watching what was going on. Did you have any moment like that?

Jaime: I had two. I had one in the thick of it where I found him in the back in the garage with like a porn sex den. And he had gone missing in the middle of the night and I couldn't find him. And finally I found him and then I looked on his phone and it was just like, find your next door fuck and all these crazy porn sites. And then the second moment and that moment felt so surreal because I was pregnant.

Brianne: And I think porn is the worst thing in the world right now. I think it's killing our world. I think it's killing intimacy between two people. So that alone, if that was just his addiction, that's pretty bad.

Jaime: Well, you're choosing to do this instead of with me. I mean, my thing is always if you want to watch porn, at least include me and let's do something together. I'm not saying let's make about intimacy.

Brianne: Or that connection, but when you go off and hide it by yourself.

Jaime: There'S an issue there that to me feels like cheating.

Brianne: So that feels cheating to you? I've never heard anyone say that. And why does that feel like it's cheating to you?

Jaime: You're hiding something from me. You're looking actively at one specific woman, for him at least. And you were actively finding time to make time just to do this and to not be with us.

Brianne: Yeah, I agree, that is definitely cheating. I just wanted to hear what you were feeling. But I agree that to me would be a betrayal almost as going out and intimately being with somebody else, which.

Jaime: I think he was as well. So then the second thing was the second feeling that I felt was when he finally we checked him into rehab. We had a family intervention. How did that go? It was crazy. He was just bananas. The whole like getting him just to get him in the car took us 4 hours. but we got him in the car and he was drinking, his last drink in the car. And he was kicking, I was driving, he was kicking the seat, verbally abusing me, calling me names, cussing at me. Dropped him off at rehab. He just says probably the most spiteful, crazy things. and then I broke down on the way after I was crying. My body was just, like, releasing him. And then the next day, I woke up feeling so happy, so light, and so reborn. I felt like I died. And then I was myself again.

Brianne: That just hit me. Because letting go of someone you can't fix and a situation you can't fix, that you've been holding on to for it seems like over a year, at least. It's like two years.

Jaime: Two years.

Brianne: So what did you do that morning? You feel reborn? I mean, can you remember? I don't know, but can you remember? What did you do?

Jaime: I ran into my kids rooms. I turned on my favorite song, and we just had a dance party. We just danced. I mean, I love my children. I love my life. I love being a mom. And all of a sudden, I felt like I was free and able to be a better mom to them. Because now I didn't have this dysfunctional teenager that I was trying to take care of.

Brianne: Right?

Jaime: But I was so concerned about how it was going to come across and what others were going to think of him, which, would affect us instead of just worrying about how it was affecting me and my kids.

Brianne: Right.

Jaime: So, I mean, I didn't think about that till right the second I only thought about how it affected him, I was right. Every single time, I was right. My body I was asleep. The night that I found him in his sex den, I was asleep. And my body woke up and I sat directly out of bed and I was like, I know exactly where he is. I have to go there now. And then the times that I found the crack pipes, pipes, pipes, plural, different times, it would be my body would lead me to this jacket or this spot that I would never go to. There's no reason for me to go there. And I would put my hand and I was like, crackpipe. There's no reason for it.

Brianne: It was like your higher power or your angel or everybody has a saying was, like, guiding you to this place where you could not deny it anymore. It was like the mirror was right in front of you, and you couldn't go around or over it. You had to keep seeing it until you made that choice.

Jaime: Because I wasn't listening to myself. I wasn't trusting my instincts before. And now finally, to give in and to, like, my body, it just took over. And I definitely feel like I was given it out to save myself.

Brianne: So holding this secret, who do you think it harmed or it benefited definitely harmed me.

Jaime: people tell me now that they said I looked like a shell of a person and they don't recognize me anymore. Everybody's like, wow, you look amazing. Or, oh, my gosh, you look so happy. And I'm like, this is who I was before. You haven't seen her for a while. And I definitely think it hard my children because I let him be around them while he was even though he told me no, I knew better and that's my fault. And that's messed up that I let him be around my children even though he told me no, but I knew he was still using that.

Brianne Davis Gant: It's freeing to talk about addiction now

Brianne: It's interesting when you're talking and I love the things we do harm ourselves the most, but it's almost like when you were talking, you were so trying to fix him and not enabling, but a part of you was trying to fix him and save him and that was almost your addiction. Like his addiction was the porn and the crackpipe and yours was like, fixing him and you finally just surrendered.

Jaime: Right. You can't fix people, you can't help them. Yeah, it's freeing to talk about it more. And now, I mean, I'm still not very open about all the details, but it does feel good to not feel bad about it. Yeah, because I get guilted for it all the time. His family told me I was enabling him, which in looking back, they might be right.

Brianne: I mean, sometimes the people we love, we try, like I said, to keep helping them and sometimes that hurts them in the long run. I love that they said you enabled them. So how do you move forward in the future?

Jaime: me or him?

Brianne: You. I'm talking about you.

Jaime: I m have to trust myself and I have to listen to myself and not put up with it. I'm such a people pleaser myself. And I think that has a lot to do with why he's able to get away with what he got away with. Because I was so just trying to keep the status quo m and be the good wife and look good on paper and instead of causing a ruckus and having a voice and speaking up. So I think in the future I have to trust myself and if someone tells me something I don't believe them, then I just have to say fuck you and leave.

Brianne: I think the main thing, which I love, and you said it a million times already, but we have to trust our intuition and that's the point blank period. Moving forward, I will trust my intuition, you will do it. And hopefully anybody listening and ask for help.

Jaime: I think that's really important too. I didn't reach out and a lot of my friends at the end were like, why didn't you tell me? And it's because I was so embarrassed and so prideful. Like you said, the seven deadly sins. I think the more we talk about it, like you said, it's not such a stigma. It's okay to not be perfect, it's okay to have these crazy flaws and have people around you and just have these things that make you seem so fucked up. But in the scheme of things, we all are and, we can help each other.

Brianne: Yeah, it's to get rid of the shame, because once it's not a secret anymore, there's no shame.

Jaime: Yeah, it's definitely shameful of him. Like him doing it felt like he was my other half. So crazy. It's so crazy to think about it now.

Brianne: Well, I am so grateful. Thank you for coming on and sharing your story and getting to the other side of it and entrusting your instincts. Now. That is the key.

Jaime: It is so key. Listen to yourself and ask for help like you ask for.

Brianne: Yeah. Well, thank you for listening to Secret Life podcast. I'm Brianne Davis Gant. If you have a past secret that you've gone through that you're on the other side and you want to share it or a present one that's still buried deep inside of you, please reach out to me, message me below or email me at secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. Until next time. Bye. Thanks again for listening to the show. Please subscribe rate share or send me a note at secretlifepodcast. And if you'd like to check out my book, head over to secretlifenovel.com or amazon to pick up a copy for yourself or someone you love. Thanks again. See you soon.

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Best Of: West — Body Dysmorphia: Male Body Shame

Mon, 25 Sep 2023 07:00:00 +0000

Secret Life Podcast Ep 173 — Body dysmorphic disorder is a mental health disorder in which you can't stop thinking about one or more perceived defects or flaws in your appearance — a flaw that appears minor or can't be seen by others. But you may feel so embarrassed, ashamed and anxious that you may avoid many social situations. — Body dysmorphic disorder - Symptoms and causes - Mayo Clinic Body dysmorphic disorder affects about 1 in 50 people. In the United States, an estimated 5 million to 10 million people have this condition.

NAMI resources: https://www.nami.org/Get-Involved/Awareness-Events/Mental-Health-Awareness-Month

Continuing our Best Of series, we share some of our listener favorites. The episode originally aired on May 10, 2021, as Ep #48.

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Lisa: I’m a Recovering Sex & Love Addict and Still in the BDSM Community

Mon, 18 Sep 2023 07:00:00 +0000

Lisa brings us into the world of BDSM and how she’s balancing that life and the life of recovery from sex and love addiction.

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Best Of: Beau — Vanity: Perfectionism, Ego & Pride

Mon, 11 Sep 2023 07:00:00 +0000

Society conditions us to strive to be perfect — be thin, toned, ripped, trimmed, waxed, peeled, tan, liked, followed, friended, and then... we will be loved. There's a misconception that only women put themselves under a microscope when it comes to their bodies and their looks, but men do too.

Continuing our Best Of series, we share some of our listener favorites. The episode originally aired on November 2, 2020, as Ep #22.

A new study points to a surprising connection between rising perfectionism in our culture and rising mental health issues, including depression and anxiety. The study, published in the American Psychological Association's Psychological Bulletin, suggests that young people are more obsessed with perfection than previous generations.

Between 1989 and 2016, perfectionism has continued to rapidly increase in the US, with rates that parallel increased cases of depression and anxiety.

Perfectionism is a combination of excessively high personal standards and overly critical self-evaluations.

To connect with Beau on Instagram (@beaubaker_)

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

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Gwenn: I Was a Mute in My Marriage and Profession for 12 Years

Mon, 04 Sep 2023 07:00:00 +0000

From a very young age, Gwenn realized that it was easier for her to do what people wanted instead of sharing her point of view. That theory carried into her marriage, profession, and motherhood.

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Jamie: I Was a Sober Mom and Relapsed on OxyContin

Mon, 28 Aug 2023 07:00:00 +0000

Unfortunately, Jamie's story is all too familiar within the recovery community. A person with a decade of recovery from alcohol relapses on pain pills.

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

JC: I Lied About Having Kids to Get a Job

Mon, 21 Aug 2023 07:00:00 +0000

The entertainment industry is getting better about hiring more women and BPOC, but there was a time, not so long ago, when even the make-up and hair departments were run by men. JC and Brianne unpack what it’s like to be a mother in the film and tv business.

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
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Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Best Of: Kellee Stewart: Single and Freezing Eggs

Mon, 14 Aug 2023 07:00:00 +0000

Kellee has 29 eggs chillin 'in a freezer in El Segundo. It all started when her seven year relationship came to a tearful and agonizing end. The heartbreak of saying goodbye to her almost, maybe, or one day baby daddy sent her into a tailspin of anxiety about what her future may hold. Naturally she did what every newly single Black woman in her late thirties does - She froze her eggs. Except, that’s not quite what we all do, is it? In fact, we rarely talk about fertility with ourselves, or each other, until we’re actively trying to conceive. And if it doesn’t work - we panic.

Continuing our Best Of series, we're sharing some of our listener favorites. The episode originally aired on August 2, 2020 as episode #5.

To reach Kellee : @kstew222 Instagram | @Kellee_Stewart Twitter

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Claudia: I’m a Casting Director Who Was Secretly Married to a Successful Actor

Mon, 07 Aug 2023 07:00:00 +0000

What happens when you’re a casting director, and you meet the perfect guy, except he’s an actor and right for most of the projects you cast? Would it help or hinder his chances if the producers and director knew? Do you keep it a secret? For how long? That’s what Brianne and Claudia explore in this episode.

______

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Best Of: Brittany — I Hate Being a Mom Sometimes

Mon, 31 Jul 2023 07:00:00 +0000

What they don’t tell you is that when your child is born, a part of you dies and you have to come to terms with this new identity. Brittany Ishibashi and Brianne share their stories of struggling with postpartum, trying to be the perfect mom and finding time for self-care in times of quarantine. The two swap hilarious stories of fantasizing about just walking out the door (with their masks on of course), only to have their child do something insanely adorable, reminding them why it’s all worth it.

Continuing our Best Of series, we're sharing some of our listener favorites. The episode originally aired on August 25, 2020 as episode #11.

______

Connect with Brittany Ishibashi

______

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Maryanne: I Had Multiple Affairs With Married Men — While I Was Married

Mon, 24 Jul 2023 07:00:00 +0000

Growing up in a large family of six children, Maryanne struggled with feeling special; instead, it was more about being responsible. So when she herself got married and had kids, she saw an opportunity to explore what being special was like, even if it was with the wrong person.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

Addiction, recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness.

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
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Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Stephanie: Emotional Eating — I Binge Eat Bags of Chips

Mon, 17 Jul 2023 07:00:00 +0000

This week's episode is all about host Brianne Davis-Gantt's "Twin Soul," but surprise, surprise, it's not her husband Mark. It's actually her awesome sister, Stephanie! Now, let's dive into a topic we can all relate to: emotional eating.

You know how sometimes we chow down on food not just because we're hungry, but because we're seeking comfort, stress relief, or a little treat? We've all been there. It's like reaching for that tub of ice cream when we're feeling down, eating a bag of chips, ordering a pizza out of sheer boredom or loneliness, or hitting up the drive-through after a ridiculously rough day at work.

But here's the thing: emotional eating doesn't really solve our emotional problems. Nope, it just leaves us feeling worse. Not only are we still stuck with the original emotional issue, but now we're also hit with a side of guilt for overindulging. Talk about a double whammy!

So, let's buckle up and join Brianne and Stephanie as they unravel the mysteries of emotional eating and find some fun and healthier ways to cope.

To learn more about Eating Disorders: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/where-do-i-start-0

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
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Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Best Of — Trinity: The Sexual Predator — My OB-GYN

Mon, 10 Jul 2023 07:00:00 +0000

In another moment of "What the f@#% is wrong with some men," we have a brave survivor who shares her story of being sexually assaulted minutes after giving birth. Was this deep-seated secret fuel on the first for her addictions and suicidal thoughts? Listen to her heartbreaking and ultimately uplifting journey to recovery.

Continuing our Best Of series, we share some of our listener favorites. The episode originally aired on March 29, 2021, as Ep #42.

*TRIGGER WARNING - This episode contains topics of sexual assault, trauma, and abortion. Some people may find it disturbing.

RAINN - Sexual Assault Hotline - Call 800.656.HOPE (4673) to be connected with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area. https://www.rainn.org/about-national-sexual-assault-telephone-hotline

On March 26, 2021, USC agreed to pay over $1 bn to over a thousand victims. According to an editorial published in the journal Obstetrics & Gynecology, over the past two years, at least eight gynecologists have landed in the media spotlight after sexual misconduct allegations, according to an editorial published in the journal Obstetrics & Gynecology. That includes Dr. George Tyndall, the former longtime head gynecologist of the health center at the University of Southern California.

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Best Of — Kristin: Perfectionism Almost Took My Life

Mon, 03 Jul 2023 07:00:00 +0000

Battling depression and having a hard time asking for help, Kristin shares her heartbreaking and ultimately uplifting story when she shot herself in the chest in an attempted suicide.

*Trigger Warning: Please note that this episode contains topics of suicide. Some people may find it disturbing.

You're not alone: Whether you have struggled with suicide yourself or have lost a loved one, know you are not alone. Hear about personal experiences from people in your local community whose lives have been impacted by suicide. Please check out American Foundation for Suicide Prevention: https://afsp.org

Or if you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

Kristin:

To connect with Kristin: Instagram: @kandrz

#suicidepreventionmonth

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Cat: I’m Carrying Grief Around a Sick Parent

Mon, 26 Jun 2023 07:00:00 +0000

For many adults, a parent getting sick is their first real experience with illness, disease, or facing the possible loss of a loved one. Both the ill parent and the adult child are faced with the idea of life without one another. Whether you live close to one another or far apart, the concept of not having your parent, this person who has literally never been more than a phone call away for your entire life is a scary prospect.

Panic and anxiety frequently surface here too as one starts to imagine the future…holidays, weddings, and even mundane outings like weekend trips to the farmers market coming to an end. While taking a deep breath and vowing to take things one step at a time seems like great advice, it is very difficult to actually accomplish. Like it or not, there will likely be lots of tears, anguish, and sleepless nights spent worrying and envisioning worst-case scenarios. READ MORE

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

Addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness.

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Best Of — Chloe: Love Addiction, The Unavailable Man

Tue, 20 Jun 2023 15:37:21 +0000

What happens when the man you love cheats on you… again and again? Or when his chronic, narcissistic behavior of gaslighting you every time is pushing you farther and farther away from trusting your instincts and your inner voice? This week, Chloe shares the heartbreaking story of a decade-long relationship and her journey of letting go and learning to trust herself once again.

Continuing our Best Of series, we share some of our listener favorites. The episode originally aired on March 1, 2021, as Ep #38.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with an addiction, depression, trauma, or sexual abuse, we've compiled a list of resources at https://secretlifepodcast.com.

If you'd like to share your secret on the show or want to share your thoughts about an episode, please send an email to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com.

_____

To find out more information about Brianne's book Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, check out the website: https://secretlifenovel.com or At Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Subscribe, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts
Follow & Listen Spotify | Stitcher | Google Podcasts
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate
You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Rebecca Pt. 2 — Follow Up: I Flashed To My Own Love Addiction

Mon, 12 Jun 2023 07:00:00 +0000

The follow up episode to Ep #157 - Brianne and Rebecca breakdown the last five minutes of the one on one interview with Raquel from Part 3 of Season 10 of Vanderpump Rule's. The two share the opinions and experience with love addiction.

Relevant questions discussed in this episode about LOVE ADDICTION from Love Addictions Anonymous questionnaire

Do you find yourself flirting with or sexualizing someone even if you do not mean to?
Do you replace ended relationships immediately?
Do you feel that you don’t want anyone to know about your romantic activities?
Do you ever find yourself in relationships you are unable to leave?
Have you had sex with someone so that they will like you better or love you more?
Do you feel that you’re not “really alive” unless you are with your sexual/romantic partner?
Have you ever threatened your financial stability, reputation, or standing in the community by pursuing a love relationship?
Do you believe that the problems in your love life result from continuing to remain with the “wrong” person?
Do you ever get “high” from romance, fantasy or intrigue?
Do you have difficulty being alone?
Do you often feel an instant closeness and complete?

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BRAVO ARTICLE: Raquel Leviss Reveals New Details About Her Affair with Tom Sandoval: “I Just Hate Lying So Much”

After the Vanderpump Rules Season 10 reunion wrapped, Raquel Leviss sat down one more time to share new information about her affair with Tom Sandoval in a confessional filmed following the drama of the reunion.

The interview, shown at the end of Part 3 of the reunion (which aired June 7), has Raquel clarifying the timeline of her relationship with Sandoval and making other big reveals.

In the episode, it was revealed that “six days later, Raquel sat down for her final interview of the season,” and in that interview, she addressed more details about her affair with Sandoval, which ultimately led to the end of his nearly decade-long relationship with Ariana Madix.

Raquel’s interview took place with a show producer, and in their candid chat, she spoke on several never-before-revealed details about her situation with Sandoval, and she addressed the timeline of their affair.

“I think it’s important to me to tell the truth,” she said in Season 10 Episode 18. “I think that I’ve been lying and being so deceitful this entire time that I don’t want to lie anymore. And it’s all out there anyway, like the worst is out, yet I’m still finding myself having to lie about specific timeline things.”

Another Big Secret

From there, with tears in her eyes, she revealed, “We’ve, like, the one story that we’ve agreed on getting straight. And I know that the reason why Tom wanted to lie about it is because it’s a really bad look to hook up with someone’s boyfriend in their own house when they’ve gone out of town, especially for a funeral of all things. I don’t know. This f-cking killed my soul. I am so sick of lying. I hate it. I hate being deceitful. It’s horrible.”

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Rebecca Pt. 1: I Slept With Tom Sandoval Too #Scandoval

Mon, 05 Jun 2023 07:00:00 +0000

Sex, Love, Addiction, and Reality TV: The Toxic Relationships of Vanderpump Rules — Rebecca was deep in her alcohol and sex & love addiction 18 years ago when she met Tom Sandavol at a Hollywood house party, and they slept together. Despite the fact, they both were in relationships.

In the latest episode of Secret Life, host Brianne Davis teams up with guest Rebecca to delve deep into the intricate and toxic relationships portrayed on Bravo's Vanderpump Rules. Their critical and insightful analysis sheds light on the complex patterns of behavior and underlying issues at play, specifically focusing on the tumultuous love affair between Tom's narcissistic tendencies and Ariana. By examining the emotional dynamics and uncovering the nuances often overlooked by society, the podcast offers a serious exploration of the complexities of human relationships. From Tom and Raquel's affair to Ariana's missing the red flags, Secret Life dissects the frustrations of recovered sex and love addicts who feel that society fails to grasp the intricacies of these situations. Whether you're a devoted fan of the show or simply intrigued by the intricate dance between sex and love addiction, this thought-provoking podcast is a must-listen.

Check out the 40 Sex & Love Addiction Questionnaire for yourself:

https://slaafws.org/40-questions/

For more information about Sex & Love Addicts Anonymous: https://slaafws.org/

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
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Transcript

Brianne 0:00:00

Okay? So I know everything that's going on, and I just have to say to all the listeners, I don't do pop culture. I don't deal with that kind of shit. But this story, and I know you agreed with me, is so frustrating from a recovered sex and love addict that nobody's calling this shit, that they both are sex and love addicts.

Tell me your secret, I'll tell you mine. Sometimes you have to go through the darkness to reach the light. That's what I did. After twelve years of recovery in sex and love addiction, I finally found my soulmate myself. Please join me in my novel, Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex and Love Addict. A four-time bestseller on Amazon. It's a brutal, honest, raw, gnarly ride, but hilarious at the same time. Check it out now on Amazon. Welcome to Secret Life Podcast.

I'm Brianne Davis-Gantt. Today, I'm pulling back the curtains of all kinds of human secrets. You'll hear about what people are hiding from themselves or others. You know, those deep, dark secrets you probably want to take to your grave. Or those lighter, funnier secrets that are just plain embarrassing. Really, the how, what, when, where, and why of it all.

Oh, my God. Today. My guest is Rebecca. Now, Rebecca, I have a question for you. Don't. Don't. Don't. What is your secret?

Rebecca 0:01:31

I had a one-night stand with Tom Sandoval 18 years ago when he had a girlfriend.

Brianne 0:01:38

Son of a nutcracker. He's been doing it for a long time.

Rebecca 0:01:42

Almost two decades.

Brianne 0:01:44

Two decades. Okay, before we get into it, when did this happen? Where did it happen? What?

Rebecca 0:01:51

Yeah, I know. So I met him originally in Miami. I lived in New York before, and I used to go to Miami a lot. And I want to say this was 2003 or 2004.

Brianne 0:02:02

Okay.

Rebecca 0:02:03

And I was drinking very heavily. Met him at a club. I was there with my sister. And I remember it's fuzzy because I was very, very drunk.

Brianne 0:02:12

This is before I got sober and.

Rebecca 0:02:14

I met him and a bunch of his friends at a club. And we thought he was cute, so we introduced ourselves, and then he said, Come hang out with us. And I remember him popping champagne bottles and spraying it, which he still does.

Brianne 0:02:31

Wow. Yeah.

Rebecca 0:02:33

And I don't remember who else was with him, but I know that he lived with Jax at the time, so.

Brianne 0:02:37

He might have been there.

Rebecca 0:02:38

I just don't remember. I didn't know him then, so we didn't hook up with him that night, but nothing happened. So then fast forward maybe a year, and at this point, me and my sister had moved to Los Angeles. And this is like, the height of my drinking. This is one of the most drunk nights I've ever had. Like, it sticks out as really out of control. Like, very out of control. And I went to a liquor store and I remember these guys coming in and thinking I was funny because I was drunk. And then they were like, do you want to go come to a house party with us? And like an idiot, I was like, sure. And I went to this house party. I don't know whose house it was, where it was, what part of town.

Brianne 0:03:20

Like, no clue, no memory.

Brianne 0:03:22

So scary. I'm so scared for you right now.

Rebecca 0:03:25

I know, but it was like a legit, typical Hollywood house party with a couple of another reality star. So there was probably some celebrities or well known Hollywood people at this party. And I remember seeing Tom sort of remember and going up to him. I'm like, oh, it's Tom Sandoval. Where I met him. Miami. I remembered him because we thought he was really cute. And I guess I went up to him and was like, do you remember me and my sister? She looks like a lot like me. And he said yes. And then I guess we were talking, and I said something like, my sister thinks you're really hot. Can I bring you home to her?

Brianne 0:04:06

We live together.

Rebecca 0:04:07

Can I bring you home for her?

Brianne 0:04:09

Like a present?

Rebecca 0:04:11

Exactly.

Brianne 0:04:13

Here's your party favorite. Enjoy. Okay.

Rebecca 0:04:17

I remember going home, and me and.

Brianne 0:04:20

My sister had lived together at the time, but she wasn't home for whatever reason.

Rebecca 0:04:24

So I said something like, well, I can't let you go to waste.

Brianne 0:04:29

Yeah, that's a line.

Brianne 0:04:34

Yeah.

Rebecca 0:04:35

He was completely unfazed by whoever, whatever. I was like, yeah, I can't let you go to waste, so do you want to go upstairs? And he was like, yeah, sure. I just remember thinking, okay, that was easy because at the time, I treated men like conquest, and I was very into male models. Since I had lived in New York, he was just another male model. So we went upstairs, did the deed. I sort of remember either. I told him first that I had a boyfriend.

Brianne 0:05:04

Okay.

Rebecca 0:05:05

He told me that he had a girlfriend, and it was very life, matter of fact.

Brianne 0:05:08

No guilt about it.

Rebecca 0:05:10

Just like, yeah, I have a girlfriend. Oh, yeah, I have a boyfriend. And then it was sort of right before the act.

Brianne 0:05:16

Yeah.

Rebecca 0:05:17

And then we did and it didn't take very long.

Brianne 0:05:21

It didn't last very long.

Rebecca 0:05:22

It wasn't very nothing to write home about, from what I remember. And then I guess I got his number because I gave it to my sister later, which is so weird and twisted.

Brianne 0:05:31

So weird and twisted. Alcoholic. Yeah. Here, I just left with him. Your turn, CIS.

Brianne 0:05:41

Yeah.

Rebecca 0:05:41

I was like, sorry, life. You weren't home. But she didn't care, and so he left. And then I hadn't seen him since. I haven't talked to him. I didn't ever text him.

Brianne 0:05:52

Okay. So I know everything that's going on, and I just have to say to all the listeners, I don't do pop culture. I don't deal with that kind of shit. But this story, and I know you agreed with me, it's so frustrating from a recovered sex and love addict that nobody's calling this shit, that they both are sex and love addicts.

Brianne 0:06:16

Exactly.

Brianne 0:06:18

It's so frustrating. And why did you reach out to me about it? Because I want to hear it from your point of view. Because you slept with him?

Brianne 0:06:25

Yes, because I've been watching the show, obviously. And I actually started watching because I recognized him on the commercials after I slept with him. This was about I don't know, it was years before Vanderpump Rules. And the whole case just fascinated me for so many reasons, as it does pretty much the rest of America and so many other people beyond. And it's just so layered and it's so interesting why it's captivated so many people. Considering cheating is not an uncommon thing, especially on Bravo, especially on Vanderpump Rules. It's like what the show was based on. So I really wanted to share that aspect of it and talk about how this is a pattern life. He was just found out. But this is happening 18 years ago. And since then I got sober, I'm in slaa, I've identified as a sex and love addict. So I just see so many things that people are not really talking about.

Brianne 0:07:27

Yeah, and society is missing. It's almost like a secret society is keeping from our human race, because the number one thing people want is love and affection and attention and intimacy. But majority of humans are terrified of it. So we go from person to person to person. Doesn't really even matter who they are, to get this need filled. And we're all just like running around like toddlers, wanting, giving, giving. And here's an example of two people willing to blow up their whole fucking life exactly. For that little thing where they think it's everything. It's that life. Roller coaster, intensity, passion. So let's break it down. So when you are watching it, and I know you've listened to a lot of other podcasts, I mean, JLo is talking about it like, JLo, that's crazy.

Brianne 0:08:21

It's in Time Magazine, it's in Variety, it's in every major publication. It sort of transcended the Bravo and reality show universe. And there's a reason why I think it's relatable to so many people, but they can't quite put their finger on why.

Brianne 0:08:36

Yeah. So what is other podcasts saying that's making you frustrated as a recovered sex and love addict?

Brianne 0:08:42

I just don't think that they're touching on that aspect. I think they're more focused on it's, like black and white. It's a betrayal, obviously, but they're not going into the nuances of what Tom might be feeling or where he might be coming from, or what's going on with Raquel, what their histories and their childhoods might have been like. And one of the most interesting things about it is that Ariana, it turns out knew about Miami Girl and was protecting him. And there's just so many aspects about their relationship that I relate to in other relationships as well. Sort of the manipulation and the narcissism. Not to diagnose anyone, although it used to be a therapist. But there's just so many things that people are missing. I've heard a couple of podcasts coming at it from a psychological and intuitive empathic sort of way. But most of the podcasts are missing.

Brianne 0:09:41

That well, they're just ragging on them. And listen, I'm speaking from a place where I was a cheater, cheated all the time, go from person to person, overlap them. So I'm coming in from and listen, I was a piece of shit. I will say that I was in my addiction. It was all about me. Selfish, self involved, fill me up, give me attention, give me what I need. In the moment the high wore off and the excitement, I would start looking for somebody else.

Brianne 0:10:05

I'm familiar, right?

Brianne 0:10:06

So I have no judgment on Tom. And then I also know, and you and I have talked about this before a long time ago. Well, not a long time ago, but when it came out, we said, listen, poor Ariana, she is the victim, but she also has a place when someone cheats, and I know a lot of people don't agree with me when someone cheats, it takes those two people in the relationship to actually make that happen. She avoided the red flags, she made excuses, she kept a secret, a huge.

Brianne 0:10:40

Secret for seven years that lied about it.

Rebecca 0:10:44

New women.

Brianne 0:10:44

Yeah. So she missed those signs. And then when the intimacy is going away, which she said, our intimacy has been bad, when that starts to break, you're responsible to repair it.

Brianne 0:11:00

Yes, and she said she tried, but we don't really know what happened.

Brianne 0:11:06

Yeah, she should have. But here's the thing, then she could say, something's missing, something's going on, you're staying out late, you're not home, you're not spending that much time with me. Red flag, red flag, red flag, red flag.

Brianne 0:11:20

Yes. And we've all done it. We've all ignored red flags and wasted years doing that. And then we're blindsided and then we're like, what happened? But in hindsight, we can see all the red flags that were there and that we maybe willfully ignored.

Brianne 0:11:35

So I did read something I Want to Tell you and see your take on it, that he's a narcissist. Listen, I had narcissistic tendencies. I'm not a narcissist, but I have them. And we're not saying he is. And then she did a post a while ago, raquel that she was going to codependency twelve step program Coda. And I was thinking it's not really a Coda situation because I pulled up some of the things is that you will still see a person that's destructive to you. So there's something in her. So that's like the questions. There's 40 questions in Flaw and one of them is, do you find yourself unable to stop seeing a specific person even though that person is destructive to you?

Brianne 0:12:20

Yeah. And she did this with James, too. I mean, James was destructive in a totally different way. But she seeks these men out that are very strong personalities and possible narcissists and manipulative. And they're very different in the way that they sort of abused her, but they both were pretty toxic for her.

Brianne 0:12:42

Overwhelming. She loses her sense of self in the relationship.

Brianne 0:12:47

Yes. And maybe she feels stronger having someone like that at her side because she's not strong on her own. She's kind of fascinating. She has a lot of oh, yeah. History. That she was adopted by her aunt.

Brianne 0:13:05

Abandonment, rejection from her birth mom.

Brianne 0:13:09

Yes. Even though she would probably deny it, because the way that she frames it is really interesting. She said something like, my birth mom was kind enough to give me to her sister, essentially because she couldn't conceive. And she framed it in a way that's a very pageant answer. And then the pageant is a whole that pageant world is a whole other animal where she competed against other women. Other women had this perfectionism, which is why I think a lot of times she seems rehearsed and very stoic and very put together, but there's nothing there.

Brianne 0:13:49

Well, here's number 14 is, do you feel desperate for a lover or a future mate? It's like instead of going outside this group, she went inside the circle and saw, oh, here's they have a house, they have this. This is what I want. Oh, and he's like a rock star now. Because here's the other thing I want to say. One of the huge characteristics for sex and love addicts, and I love this characteristic, it's my favorite. But we assign magical qualities to others. We idealize and pursue them and then blame them for not fulfilling our fantasies and expectations. And I believe both of them do that.

Brianne 0:14:25

Both of them did that for him. He was the answer to his midlife crisis. She made him feel seen. She made him feel special.

Brianne 0:14:37

Yes, you heard and validated.

Brianne 0:14:41

She's very different than Ariana. Ariana will tell it like it is, and she will just be heart eyes and just very admiring of him. And that's what he needed at that time. If he is a narcissist, that's what he's going to want. He's going to want someone admiring. But does she really see him? I don't know.

Brianne 0:15:03

No, she doesn't. So that's the thing. Even when they're talking to each other, because you and I just looked at some of the reunion, even when they were in that winnebago or away from the set, they were talking to each other. It's almost like they weren't even seeing each other. It was really interesting to watch. It was like their eyes were glazed over. So it's almost this false form of intimacy that I was seeing that they didn't even seem like they actually knew each other or that they've had sex before. Even when people I used to work as an actor, I go on set and I would know who's fucking who life. You're fucking the hair person, you're with the extra. You're doing this because you can feel that energy. But something in them, and it wasn't because the cameras were on them, because you can still see it. Because we could see it before. There's something where they used each other for false intimacy and it's actually not there.

Brianne 0:15:58

Yeah, they don't really do that, too. I did. I mean, both scenes that we saw of them together, pretty much everyone is saying that it was weird, it was awkward. And I'm sure most people chalked it up to and they could chalk it up to there's cameras there. But yeah, I didn't see the connection, the intimacy, the love.

Brianne 0:16:16

But they've had cameras for a long time, so they're used to cameras. It's not like somebody new.

Brianne 0:16:21

Yeah, but it was a secret that was being exposed and finally filmed. And so I'm sure they didn't know how to act, but I didn't see any connection or intimacy, literally.

Brianne 0:16:32

Could you see them having an affair for seven months? I did not feel that intimacy at all. It was almost like evaporates. And I think that's what I wanted to say to you, too, and see if you agree, is when we love secrets and lies, the dirtier, the dark, we get to fester in secrets and lies. And when it comes to light, it never lives up to the fantasy.

Brianne 0:16:56

You could see that the magic was gone, the bubble was burst. You could see that in the trailer. It's like, oh, consequences. Now it's real life, and we're not in this little secret, exciting, forbidden bubble anymore. Now everyone else is involved and it's ugly and it's real life. And like Ariana even said, wait till she starts having real demands and expectations of a girlfriend. She's not going to be so cool and exciting then. And that was Ariana's experience. It's the same pattern repeated.

Brianne 0:17:31

Yeah. And listen, Ariana could have a little love addict in her. And I believe most of society has this because we all yearn to be loved. But I wanted to read this characteristic. We feel empty and incomplete when we are alone. Even though we fear intimacy and commitment, we continually search for relationships and sexual contacts.

Brianne 0:17:51

Absolutely.

Brianne 0:17:52

I mean, how many stories have we I've heard much more stories about him. Been cheating a lot. Like 1112 people. So this is something where he's going into we call it relocating, where you go to other locations and you find people to intrigue with or flirt with or hook up with, and then you leave them there.

Brianne 0:18:16

Yeah.

Brianne 0:18:20

Sorry.

Brianne 0:18:21

No, that's okay. This is 18 years ago, and he had a girlfriend then. And then the next time I saw him, he was with Kristen. That was five or six years they lived together. Very codependent, cheating on her the whole time. And then he went right from that to Ariana. And then he cheated on her from the beginning, whether you want to call it cheating or not. Miami girl. And then I believe there are way more than two or three that he's admitting to.

Brianne 0:18:50

100%. I would give money on it, because what happens is this is a progressive disease. It's a thinking disease. It's actually not about the other person, we think. And it progressively gets worse. So the higher the stakes means you've been doing it a long time. And here's the stakes. It was her best friend seven months on television for them to even think. And she even said in the interview, I thought it would be okay with Ariana. I thought they would break up. Then him and I could start dating. That was my reality. And in my head, I was screaming, no, that was your fucking fantasy.

Brianne 0:19:29

Yeah.

Brianne 0:19:31

That is life. How toxic and how this disease will make you think the craziest things will work out and they won't.

Brianne 0:19:40

Yeah. I wonder if she thought that, because that's exactly what happened with Kristen and Ariana's overlap. Like, he came on the reunion, we didn't see this, but he had broken up with Kristen and then now he's with Ariana. And maybe she thought that their situation would play out the same way if they weren't caught. That's what would have happened. He would have broken up with Ariana, and the next reunion, they would be together next season, maybe, and everybody would just accept it eventually. That's what she thought. And I think she even said that I was living in my own little world. And even Lala also pointed out that.

Brianne 0:20:17

Living in fantasy, that she thought it was going to work out. I mean, even Randall, I've met him and gone in for him and castings and stuff. And it's like I smelled him from a mile away of also having this problem. Let's just get to it.

Brianne 0:20:30

Yeah. I think somebody said maybe it was Ariana. She said the way that he talks about her is exactly the way that he talked about me in the beginning. And so many I've looked at scenes that are almost identical of what he said about Kristen. We're not having sex. She cringes when I touch her. We were basically roommates. And he's saying the exact same things about Ariana. So it's a pattern of over. I mean, that's 15 years right there.

Brianne 0:20:59

Well, here's the third characteristic, and this one is going to nail ding, ding. It says furied emotional and sexual deprivation. So he felt he had emotional deprivation and sexual deprivation. We compulsively pursue and involve ourselves in one relationship after another, sometimes having more than one sexual or emotional liaison at a time, so that's that overlap. It's like, can't be alone. I'm empty. I'm empty. Fill me up. Give me the sexual needs. Give me the emotional needs.

Brianne 0:21:37

Yeah, it's life leapfrogging from one thing to another. Life I've never seen again. This is like two decades from what I've seen and from what I know of the exact same thing. I can't be alone. I can't be alone.

Rebecca 0:21:50

Can't be alone.

Brianne 0:21:51

I need that girlfriend, but I also need that excitement on the outside.

Brianne 0:21:56

Yeah. And here's Raquel's one. We confuse love with neediness. Physical and sexual attraction, pity or the need to rescue or be rescued.

Brianne 0:22:06

Yeah, with James, I guess she was trying to rescue him.

Brianne 0:22:09

Yeah, but here's the thing. She was trying to rescue Sandoval from his relationship with Ariana, and then she want to be rescued by him in her loneliness. And she couldn't sit within herself. And we were forgetting she hooked up with that other married guy before in Vegas.

Brianne 0:22:29

Schwartz.

Brianne 0:22:31

No, schwartz and then the one before. Yes.

Brianne 0:22:34

I mean, she went from Peter to Oliver to Schwartz, which I think was a decoy, set up something. It was either production or Sandoval trying to cover his tracks. Or she was trying to make him jealous. That both.

Brianne 0:22:48

I actually think both.

Brianne 0:22:49

Yeah, because he wasn't committing. I mean, I think what we're hearing is completely different than what they were talking about behind closed doors and what they had planned. Maybe. I mean, there's a theory that she was with Sandoval when she was with James and that's why she broke up with him. She broke the engagement off because it was kind of out of nowhere.

Brianne 0:23:11

Well, he was paying for their engagement, which is very odd, very strange. It's almost like the seeds were being planted. And it's like a type of not grooming, but a type of grooming situation where, listen, healthy people do not pick unhealthy people. I always say, when you do this work, anybody you choose right now is unhealthy because a healthy person sees those signs, sees those boundaries, and will not put up with them. So anytime someone with these behaviors, who they pick is just unhealthy? That's exactly it. Because here's the thing. Ariana did kiss him while he was with Kristen. There's a part of her that's unhealthy, and people aren't saying that. And listen, she is the victim. I feel horrible for her, absolutely terrible. But she also played out the same pattern. Yes. Not saying that.

Brianne 0:24:12

No, not saying that. I mean, it's interesting that she's so the victim right now. Everybody feels so bad for her. Andy did touch on it a little bit in the reunion. He said, Listen, this is a room full of cheaters. Ariana, you kissed Sandoval while he was with Kristen. And the thing is, in rewatching the show, she's never once copped to that and said, I mean, she admitted it, but she never said, yeah, that was wrong. I'm sorry, Kristen, that was wrong. That was still cheating. And by the way, I don't know if they just kissed. But even if they just kissed, that's still cheating. That's still doing the same thing that ended up kind of happening to her.

Brianne 0:24:54

But here's the thing. They're not saying my friend, they're not saying they had an emotional affair already. They were best friends. First of all, I don't know about you, but I don't believe men and women, if that's the sexual if that's who you're attracted to, I don't believe it's a healthy scenario to have a lot of guy friends or to have a guy best friend. No, I just don't. The energy exchange, usually somebody would fuck somebody, so it's not a real friendship.

Brianne 0:25:23

Agree.

Brianne 0:25:24

They were having an emotional affair. That's worse than kissing. That's worse. And no one's saying that.

Brianne 0:25:32

No one's saying that. I know it is. I mean, Kristen said that in the reunion. She said, well, you guys were having an emotional affair. And I think they kind of denied that. But it's pretty clear. I wouldn't want my boyfriend texting his friend who's really hot, who I'm threatened by at three in the morning and saying what certain things that they were saying. It's inappropriate, to say the least. And she never really owned that. Neither of them ever caught to that. We're friends, we're friends. And then he said the same thing about Raquel. We're friends. We're friends. We're dancing at the Abbey at 02:00 A.m..

Brianne 0:26:08

It's normal.

Brianne 0:26:10

No, it's not. It is not normal. Whoever you're hanging out whoever's hanging out with somebody at 01:00 A.m., that is not a healthy situation. In the dark is where things get fucked up. And here's the one I want to say, because this is the characteristic for what we're talking about, is having few healthy boundaries. We become sexually involved with and or emotionally attached to people without knowing them. Now, he could say, Ariana and I knew each other back then, and it's like, no, you didn't. You worked behind a bar. Yes, you worked together. But do you actually know the person? Probably they trauma bonded. Probably they complained about Kristen and she felt closer to him and they had this connection. Oh, my God. I can't tell you, if I hear one more person saying, oh, the connection, we were like, I've never connected to another person. I'm like that's a bunch of BS.

Brianne 0:27:03

Sorry.

Brianne 0:27:04

Yes.

Brianne 0:27:08

That was my alarm. Yeah. I think that she probably trauma bonded with him also because she had talked about in her last relationship, she dealt with a lot of emotional and verbal abuse, and she was talked down to and her self esteem was just obliterated. So, yeah, they probably did trauma bond over these toxic relationships that they were in. And they both said that. She said that over and over. Like, I've known him for six years. We've been friends for six years. As if that sort of or no, three years, I think it was at the time. As if that sort of overshadows the actual intimate relationship that Kristen had with him. And they acted like they knew each other on that intimate level because they were friends for three years.

Brianne 0:27:56

Yeah.

Brianne 0:27:57

And it's not the same thing. They didn't know each other that way. So they said, you don't even know.

Brianne 0:28:04

The person that you're with sometimes for years. My husband and I have been together for 18 years, and I still learn things about him. So if you think this overwhelming connection or you know this person, you do not you do not ever there's a part of us that is never fully yes, we're connected. I'm the most connected I've ever been, but I had years and years of therapy and work on myself and my intimacy and all of that. But Tom and Raquel or Tom and Ariana are all these scenarios. First of all, they don't know each other. You're living in an altered reality in general, on television. None of that is fucking real. I've been an actress for 20 something years. It is not real. None of it. So they all live in fantasy. And these two people, let's say, took the fantasy to the next level. And no one is calling it what it is. And now they say she's in rehab or a mental facility.

Brianne 0:29:05

Do you believe that? I want to know if you believe that

Brianne 0:29:08

I don't. Honestly, I have no idea what's going on with her. I think it's probably a good thing that she's not in the public eye right now and in everyone's face, like Sandoval is. She's not flaunting. Whatever she's doing, I mean, it's good that she's out of the public eye in a way. I don't know where she is. Life. Maybe she's at a maybe she's with her parents. Maybe she's at because she seems very reliant on them. And, um maybe she's at a spa that she's sorry. Calling a wellness resort. Maybe there's a theory that she was pregnant and so she's in hiding at her grandmother's house. I don't know. She's more of the mysterious piece for me. She's hard to read.

Brianne 0:29:52

It's that facade. That mask is that perfectionism.

Brianne 0:29:56

It's the reflection that all these men because I look.

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Best Of — Robert: Coming Out in Hollywood

Thu, 01 Jun 2023 22:30:00 +0000

In celebration of the First Day of LGBTQ+ Pride Month, we’re re-releasing one of our Best Of episodes today. Robert Gonzalez Gant share's about coming out as a proud gay man in Hollywood and the shift that is possible for those who struggled with acceptance.

Continuing our Best Of series, we share some of our listener favorites. The episode originally aired on August 2, 2020, as Ep #3.

_____

About Robert Gant - Like you, I started out with big goals and dreams for my life but little idea how to realize them. Gradually, I began to do that when I hit a crisis point. These external accomplishments weren’t addressing the low self-image from childhood that lingered internally. I remember the day many years ago when, on the steps of a beautiful home I shared with a partner, I contemplated suicide.

That moment set me on a decades-long path of self-improvement, success, and spiritual awakening. It fueled my desire to help others change their own lives. Along the way, I’ve stumbled, as we all do, and have learned and grown from each experience. I’m grateful, on the other side of them, to have manifested some of my greatest life visions.

My process of waking up has included accumulating several decades of knowledge in the areas of love, romance, money, and relationships, among others. My intensive overall spiritual journey has informed my perspective about the true nature of life and how to relate to what we deal with as humans. This journey has given me some of the foundation for the work we'll do together to help you live your best life.

I’m also a certified Trainer and Master Practitioner of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), TIME Techniques™, EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), and Life and Success Coaching — all of which have impacted the way I relate to my coaching work and to the role of the subconscious mind on our life experience.

Helping others wake up to the true nature of life and then clarify their goals and dreams and turn them into reality is one of my great passions. It’s from this place of awakened doing that an amazing life emerges. Let’s discover yours.

CHECK OUT MORE: https://robertgant.com

Twitter | Instagram | Facebook

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Best Of — Kat: I Used Men on Social Media and Sent Nudes

Mon, 29 May 2023 07:00:00 +0000

Searching for attention and a means to support her daughter as a single mother, Kat put herself in situations that were not only dangerous, they prolonged and fed her alcohol and drug addiction.

Continuing our Best Of series, we share some of our listener favorites. The episode originally aired on March 28, 2022, as Ep #94.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

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To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

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SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness.

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Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
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Spread the word via social media
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Best Of — Susan: I Married a Narcissistic Sociopath

Mon, 22 May 2023 07:00:00 +0000

While still deep in her addiction, Susan married a sociopath and was trauma bonded with him for the first four years of her sober journey; he continued to drink daily while she focused on staying sober even through the abuse. Once she finally found the strength to walk away, her husband continued to stalk and harass her up until the day he decided to end his life. She shares her story today to help others that may be trapped in an abusive relationship or suffer from alcoholism. Her is a message of hope! Susan is a Southern California native with two grown daughters and is a recovering alcoholic that has been sober for ten years.

Continuing our Best Of series, we share some of our listener favorites. The episode originally aired on Feb 28, 2022, as Ep #90.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Best Of —Joe Pt. 1: I Was a 36-Year-Old Virgin & Then I Got a Sex Surrogate

Mon, 15 May 2023 07:00:00 +0000

The more Joe looked at porn, and the more deeply he got into those fantasies, the fantasy of porn became his reality, and the reality of having sex with another person became fantasy. There is so much to unpack in this episode. You’ll hear how through therapy, Joe discovered the hidden reasons for his sexual anorexia and how he overcame those fears and found himself with a sex surrogate.

Continuing our Best Of series, we're sharing some of our listener favorites, including our good friend, Joe. This episode originally aired on March 7, 2022, as Ep #91.

Surrogate Partner Therapy is a form of therapy based on the successful methods of Masters and Johnson. In this therapy, a client, a therapist, and a surrogate partner form a three-person therapeutic team who together work to understand and resolve difficulties that a client is experiencing in their lives. The surrogate participates with the client in structured and unstructured experiences that are designed to build client's self-awareness and skills in the areas of physical and emotional intimacy. These therapeutic experiences include partner work in relaxation, effective communication, sensual and sexual touching, and social skills training.

What surrogacy is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CIc70zBY3SY

Surrogate partner website: https://www.surrogatetherapy.org/

UPDATED: Here's an anonymous article Joe wrote about his experience. There are more juicy details as well:

https://www.thedoe.com/narratives/my-surrogate-partnership-experience

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

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TOPICS IN THIS EPISODE INCLUDE virgin, sex surrogate, surrogate partners, porn addiction, addiction, love and sex addiction, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, behaviors, self-care, self-love, and courage.

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Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
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Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Best Of - Jana Kramer: Compare & Despair

Mon, 08 May 2023 07:00:00 +0000

It doesn't matter how successful you are, how much money you make, or what you look like, Compare and Despair can and will bring you down. Jana and Brianne talk about how Compare and Despair thinking is pervasive and dangerous. It can contribute to anxiety, depression, shame, and envy, leading to self-criticism and a lack of self-worth. It rapidly undermines any confidence.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with an addiction, depression, trauma, or sexual abuse, we've compiled a list of resources at https://secretlifepodcast.com.

If you'd like to share your secret on the show or want to share your thoughts about an episode, please send an email to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com.

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To find out more information about Brianne's book Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, check out the website: https://secretlifenovel.com or At Amazon

Our Guest: JANA KRAMER

Jana Kramer is a country music singer and actress who has starred on One Tree Hill, Friday Night Lights, and the 2012 season of Dancing with the Stars. Kramer began her musical career in 2012 and has released two albums: Jana Kramer and Thirty On

To connect with Jana Kramer:

Website: https://janakramer.com

The Good Fight Book: https://janaandmike.com

Whine Down Podcast: https://janakramer.com/podcast

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kramergirl/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/janakramermusic

Twitter: https://twitter.com/kramergirl

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Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
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Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Best Of — Jim Clemente: From Child Sex Abuse Victim to FBI Profiler

Mon, 01 May 2023 07:00:00 +0000

Celebrating our 150th episode, we're sharing some of our listener favorites, starting with our good friend, Jim Clemente. Unfortunately, his story is all too common, as we see with recent news of the Baltimore Catholic Church, so incredibly prevalent still.

This episode originally aired on April 19, 2021 as Ep #45.

What would you do if you came face to face with the man that molested you when you were a teen? When Jim Clemente walked into the Bronx home of his former summer camp director, it wasn’t for old time’s sake. The twenty-something Clemente was wearing a wire. Federal agents and an NYPD detective were listening in.

And his old camp boss, Michael J. O’Hara, was showing Clemente pictures of kids he’d molested — just like he’d abused Clemente a decade prior. Clemente had convinced the predator he was a kindred spirit and had to keep his cool, or the criminal case being built against O’Hara — a Boy Scout leader, Catholic school teacher and youth-basketball coach believed to have sexually abused hundreds of kids — would fall apart. (Excerpt from New York Post Article)

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In April of 2021, President Biden announced National Child Abuse Prevention Month. He calls upon all Americans to protect our Nation’s greatest resource — its children — and to take an active role in supporting children and parents and creating safe communities filled with thriving families.

For more information on what you can do: https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/preventing/preventionmonth/

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At least 1 in 6 men have been sexually abused or assaulted. If you’re a man who has experienced sexual abuse or assault, you’re not alone.

https://1in6.org is there to support you in your path to a happier, healthier future.

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Jim Clemente is a retired FBI Supervisory Special Agent/Profiler and former New York City Prosecutor. During his 22-year career with the FBI, he investigated cases from bank robberies to serial killers. He also investigated public corruption in the White House, white collar and violent crime, and has worked as an undercover agent posing as everything from a street beggar to a broker on Wall Street. For over a decade, he was an FBI Profiler investigated violent and sexual serial crimes. He is an internationally recognized expert in the fields of sex crimes and abduction/homicides. Today he is the Founder/CEO of XG Productions, a cross-platform development and production company. He co-hosts the WONDERY podcasts: REAL CRIME PROFILE, BEST CASE WORST CASE. and hosts LOCKED UP ABROAD. He is a Writer/Producer for Criminal Minds and The Case Of: JonBenet Ramsey on CBS, as well as the Co-Creator of Manhunt: Unabomber on NETFLIX. He also Executive Produced the upcoming series: TRUTH & JUSTICE and COLONIAL PARKWAY MURDERS on OXYGEN Network. Clemente authored his first novel, WITHOUT CONSENT, based on his true story and co-authored the non-fiction Audible series, EVIL HAS A NAME.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction or depression, we've compiled a list of resources on the Secret Life Website: https://secretlifepodcast.com

To share your secret and be a guest on the show, email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

To find out more information about Brianne's book Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, check out the website: https://secretlifenovel.com or at Amazon

_____

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Subscribe, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts
Follow & Listen Spotify | Stitcher | Google Podcasts
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
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Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate
You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis

Connect with Mark Gantt

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Karen: Recovery From Growing Up in an Alcoholic Home

Mon, 24 Apr 2023 07:00:00 +0000

Karen shares her powerful story of growing up in an alcoholic home and the impact it had on her life, including her struggle with emotional suppression and disconnection. Tune in to hear Karen's journey towards healing, self-discovery, and finding peace within herself. She offers insightful advice for those dealing with addiction in their lives and emphasizes the importance of seeking support and approaching these situations with curiosity and compassion. This podcast is a must-listen for anyone looking to overcome past traumas and experiences and connect with themselves and others on a deeper level.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

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To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

ABOUT OUR GUEST:

Karen Maloney

“Your life is like a mirror reflecting your beliefs to you.”

Life wasn’t always how it is now. To many people I may look and appear the same, but INSIDE I feel like a completely different person. Just like a computer, I’ve installed a whole new operating system. I’ve deleted old files & replaced them with new programs instead (i.e. habits, beliefs, thoughts etc) and revolutionised my internal world, shifting the way I think and what I believe about myself. Everything comes from within – ‘as within, so without’. It’s been life-changing for me and I know it can be the same for you!

Now I can see CLEARLY that for most of my life I lived in the baseline energy of fear. I lived my life in ‘freeze’ mode. I felt disassociated, unsafe, anxious and I felt awkward being myself. I judged myself harshly (always trying to be perfect!) and my brain went a 100 miles and hour. But for the most part I never realised there was anything wrong with that. It was my ‘normal’. I thought it was a sign of my ambition and drive. Out of an unconscious fear, I lived from the level of my mind. I thought if I can think, plan, control and rationalise everything in my mind, I would be safe. That need for control provided me with a sense of safety and security inside, that I didn’t feel in the external world. But it also lead to burnout. Find out MORE: Soulpowerlight.com

Curiosity & Consciousness Podcast

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SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
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Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Transcript

[0:00:00] Karen: Often a child who grew up in an alcoholic home can have difficulties with trust, with identifying, expressing feelings. And they either go one of two ways totally controlled, or feeling like they have no control over their life. This is 1 million% describing me.

[0:00:23] Brianne Davis: Welcome to the Secret Life Podcast. Tell me your secret, I'll tell you mine. Sometimes you have to go through the darkness to reach the light. That's what I did. After twelve years of recovery in sex and love addiction, I finally found my soulmate myself. Please join me in my novel, Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict. A four-time bestseller on Amazon. It's a brutal, honest, raw, gnarly ride, but hilarious at the same time. Check it out now on Amazon. Welcome to Secret Life Podcast. I'm Brianne Davis-Gantt. Today, I'm pulling back the curtains of all kinds of human secrets. We'll hear about what people are hiding from themselves or others. You know, those deep, dark secrets you probably want to take to your grave, or, you know, those light or funnier secrets that are just plain embarrassing. Really.

[0:01:23] Brianne Davis: The how, what, when, where, why of it all. Today. My guest is Karen. Now, Karen, I have a question for you. Dun dun dun. What is your secret?

[0:01:37] Karen: I grew up in an alcoholic home. And actually, the impact that it had on me that I totally did not connect the dots to that at all.

[0:01:48] Brianne Davis: Like the denial of what living in an alcoholic home does to you.

[0:01:53] Karen: Yeah, well, I don't even because there's so many different I suppose that word was never used. It wasn't a thing. It wasn't as if my dad was out all day every day and coming home drunk and crawling havoc and messing up the place and all this kind of thing. No, he totally worked all day, but he went out every single night and came home, particularly when I was a child, I remember him coming home drunk, like, absolutely obliterated, and I hated it. And I always just wanted to be in bed and I would be like, oh, please don't come in and wake me up. Because sometimes he would he'd come in and he'd wake me up and that's when he'd be like, oh my God, I love you so much. profusing his undying love. And sometimes he passed out as well. With life an arm over me. And as a child, I was just terrified.

[0:02:41] Brianne Davis: So terrifying. That overwhelming. It's almost like when a family member would do that, it was like you didn't know what to do with all that energy coming at you.

[0:02:53] Karen: Yeah, and that's when I literally stopped breathing. Because as a child and before the age of seven, we're literally in PETA. We've been programmed. It's like we're in a hypnotized state again. I'm looking back now as a journey of discovery and healing and connecting all the dots, but I didn't know this at the time. But that's when I stopped breathing, I'd be so terrified. I went into freeze mode because even my dad, if he passed out with his arm over me, I would stop breathing because I'd be like, I don't want to wake him, because if he starts producing his love again, the smell of drink, it's just not cool for a child. And I live my life in that freeze mode.

[0:03:39] Brianne Davis: Like, you would realize you were holding your breath.

[0:03:43] Karen: And especially if I felt triggered or vulnerable or particularly when it came to relationships and opening up and expressing feelings and emotions, life, I just did not do that. I was a closed book. And if ever I felt in that space of needing to open up, I would go in that freeze mode. It was like, stop breathing. Shut down. Yes.

[0:04:05] Brianne Davis: I want to ask you, so I've taken breath class. As an actor, you work with your breath and all. My teacher told me that I breathe just in my chest, and I didn't connect my breath to my belly. And the lower area, is that how you life? I guess I was disconnected too.

[0:04:25] Karen: Yeah, upper chest breathing. Because I've studied a lot and done a couple of courses while on breath work. And that upper chest breathing, is that really kind of panic, fight or flight you're passing extra cortisol you're in fight or flight, essentially. You're not in that rest or digest, like, full, deep, diaphragmic breaths that allow oxygenated blood to pass around your body. So, yeah, it does have an impact. But it's so funny because recently I joined Alanon, and honestly, by joining there and that's through another episode of a person close to me drinking. And I was just like, oh, my God. Even with all my skills, all my tools, all my practices, I couldn't cope. It was really triggering me. So I was like, oh, my God, I need help here.

[0:05:12] Brianne Davis: Wait, let's not jump ahead, though. Wait, let's go back. I have a couple of questions. Okay. You're like, I know exactly what I want to say, but no. When your household was in that state so he drank every night. He was a functioning alcoholic. It sounds life.

[0:05:27] Karen: Now you can look back and go, yeah, absolutely. Because he was up every morning, went to work.

[0:05:31] Brianne Davis: Yeah. And that's the hardest ones to diagnose. If your life is not falling to pieces, it's hard to be like, oh, I have a problem.

[0:05:39] Karen: Yeah.

[0:05:40] Brianne Davis: So was there a word you guys used for when he was in that state, or was it just not talked about?

[0:05:46] Karen: No, like I say, it was not mentioned. That word was never brought up. It was never an issue. It was just like and honestly, when I look back, I didn't see it as an issue. I didn't think, oh, my God, my dad goes out every night. It was just like a normal as far as I knew, it's what everyone did.

[0:06:04] Brianne Davis: Wait and where are you from?

[0:06:06] Karen: Ireland.

[0:06:06] Brianne Davis: Ireland, that's it. You're Irish, right? But I'm Irish too and it's like a lot of people I hear say, well, Irish just drink a lot. Like it's our culture, it's the society we were raised in. Yeah.

[0:06:19] Karen: And it definitely was part that. But I could see as well, it was probably his bit of a wind down his sanctuary where he met his buddies and they all catched up, caught up, but also when it's every single night of the year. The only two nights he didn't go out was Good Friday because the pubs were closed during Christmas Day because the pubs were closed and I do not remember a single day when he did not go. That's just how it was. But like I'm saying, it was just so normalized and I think this is what happens a lot in trauma or whatever kind of situation. They're just so normal. You don't see that there's any issue. They're just like your blind spots and those particularly coming home life really drunk and kind of waking us up in the middle of the night to tell us he loves us so much, in that I remember that happening literally a handful of times. But when I was really young, like five, six, seven, maybe around that age, it didn't happen as we got older, but he still went out. But it happened enough times for me to live my life in a programmed state of that not feeling safe, that fear, that living in freeze mode, shutting down. That's what we do.

[0:07:40] Brianne Davis: You're supposed to rely on, is not in a healthy state. So the boundaries are crossed. Like your boundaries were crossed as a little girl. A father should not be climbing in bed and passing out drunk with his arm over his daughter. Is that when you had that AHA moment? Because you had it after we talked, right? Like we talked on your podcast. So how did that AHA moment realize, I know you have another family member that's also an alcoholic. Can you connect all those dots when this moment of AHA happened for you?

[0:08:13] Karen: Yeah, my AHA moment when it all connected and I really saw the impact that those events had on me was like I mentioned, just another family member and just me not being able to cope and I was like, oh hell, I need help here.

[0:08:30] Brianne Davis: And did something happen with the other family member? Did the person bottom out or just.

[0:08:37] Karen: Every now and again they're just not in a good place, don't have healthy supportive habits. So it's just kind of like, well, I don't give a shit anyway, so I'm just going to go and get obliterated and maybe on a weekly Davis would just be obliterated and awake all night and singing and Wake Me up and I'm just like, what the fuck? So I was just life, oh my God, I need help here. Because obviously again, that's a coping mechanism and they're not ready to do anything else. But it was really triggering me more than anything else because, like, that I have so many tools and skills of and have been on this journey. So I reached out to Alanon and it's so funny because obviously there's so many groups, but it's not funny because there's no such thing as coincidence. But I ended up joining a group called growing up in an Alcoholic Home. And even though looking at it, I was life. Yeah, but that's not really the truth because you have this idea that Narcolic is drunk all day every day and calls him mayhem, which happens.

[0:09:35] Brianne Davis: But I was grown up and well, they call Alanon, just so anybody's listening, you don't have to have a drunk parent to be an Alanon. I also went to Alanon. Neither of my parents were drinkers, but it was a dysfunctional family. So they say Alanon's for alcoholic or dysfunctional family, or if you have a.

[0:09:52] Karen: Relative or friend, they say, yeah.

[0:09:57] Brianne Davis: Well, they're another addiction. Like, my mom is a workaholic. She'll say that other family members had problems. But yeah.

[0:10:04] Karen: So this group jumped out at me and at first I was like, no, I'm not going to join that one. I didn't really grow up in the Melcolic home, but then I was like, because this was a Friday and I was like, I really want to just join now. So this was a Saturday morning, so it was the next day. So I was like, yeah, I'm just going to join it. And oh my God. On their opening paragraph, even they describe this adult child and they describe this person who as a child, if they grew up in an alcoholic home and if they often felt either physically unsafe or psychologically unsafe, and that was obviously me, psychologically unsafe.

[0:10:44] Brianne Davis: When a parent crosses a line that is just unsure and not normal, which happened to me, I wasn't as sexually abused by a parent, but there was some line crossing where boundaries that is inappropriate for a child. So if you're out there and something has happened where you're like, well, it wasn't sexual abuse, but it definitely made me really uncomfortable as a child. It was too intimate and it was emotionally a meshing and physically meshing a little bit. You're okay to say something happened and I'm uncomfortable, even if it wasn't sexual? I just have to say that because it was so hard for me doing the work to be like, but nothing sexual happened. And my therapist would be like, no, it was inappropriate at six years old for this to happen to you. So I just have to say that because I had the hardest time admitting that to myself.

[0:11:35] Karen: Yeah, no, for sure, you're right. And it does make sense, as I say, although I didn't feel physically unsafe. Of course it makes sense. Like you say, yes, absolutely. Boundaries were crossed that's just not normal behavior, definitely, but, like, that it was more a psychological effect for me and how I life. But they had this paragraph on an adult child and how it impacts them, how often a child who grew up in an alcoholic home can have difficulties with trust, with identifying, expressing feelings. And they either go one of two ways total control or feeling like they have no control over their life. And I swear to God, my jaw dropped on the ground because I was like, this is 1 million% describing me and how I operated in my life. I was a total and not sure control freak because I suppose I didn't feel safe. So I had this story. And again, this was all unconscious at the time. This is through the inner work and the uncovering that my story that I was telling myself was if I could control everything outside of myself, I was safe.

[0:12:39] Brianne Davis: Yeah.

[0:12:40] Karen: And we obviously can't live that way. It's exhausting. We can control nothing.

[0:12:44] Brianne Davis: I was saying I love power and control because that's the only thing I felt, because I felt so not in control of everything. And you can't yeah, you can't go through life trying to have power and control over anyone.

[0:12:56] Karen: No, but I did. But more so, even over myself. And it was overanalyzing. It was overly critical. I was overly independent. Like, I was just like, I'll do it all myself. I don't want anyone to help me. I didn't want to ask for help. Life just that pure perfectionism. And that just feeling uncomfortable being myself. And a lot of people do it, but that editing, altering, censoring ourselves in order to be liked, to be accepted by others. And again, it wasn't conscious to me at the time. I wasn't going around going I was the most disingenuous person ever. No, I was completely oblivious. I just felt so unsafe and unconnected and uncomfortable being me that this is just what I did.

[0:13:40] Karen: And I see I carried so much embarrassment. I really had so much underlying shame and embarrassment, and I was afraid to be seen. I didn't want to be seen. Why were you hired?

[0:13:52] Brianne Davis: Can you explain?

[0:13:54] Karen: I was embarrassed because if and I remember, I didn't like having friends staying over purely for the fact I was like, oh, my God, imagine if they stayed and he came in in the middle of night, waking us up, saying all this shite. I was just, like, so embarrassed.

[0:14:08] Brianne Davis: Right?

[0:14:09] Karen: And that's really where it came from. It was just that pure embarrassment of having someone over and seen this behavior or feel behavior that stuck with me. And still at times, because sometimes our wounds, they're always there. No matter the healing we do, we get triggered. And even recently, life last week, I was meditating on the couch in the sitting room, and next thing I heard my brother coming in, and I got really embarrassed. I was like, oh my God, I'm going to stop. But I've done it so much now it's in that moment going, no, that's an old story.

[0:14:45] Brianne Davis: That's life. Life.

[0:14:46] Karen: And I just stay there, I'm safe, all is good. Who cares if he sees me? Life, let him think what he wants. It's totally fine.

[0:14:56] Brianne Davis: Has this affected your romantic relationships?

[0:15:00] Karen: Totally, yeah. And again, it was all unconscious. But now I can see how and just to say before I go into this, that AHA moment was joining that group and actually seeing because just connecting the dots and it's just like all the cards fell and it was like, oh my God. That really did have that much of an impact on me because it crossed my mind before and I was like that's when I stopped breathing. But I kind of thought that was it. But no, it was everything in how I was. And because that feeling of not being safe or being afraid to be myself, wanting to kind of hide and being that control freak and perfectionist and overly independent, that obviously put me in my masculine energy. I lived in my masculine energy.

[0:15:53] Brianne Davis: Me too.

[0:15:56] Karen: Which again, when I saw that I was like, oh my God, we're so blind.

[0:16:01] Brianne Davis: But that's the thing. I think a lot of women go to the masculine energy when they feel unsafe. As a child, when you have to walk on eggshells with someone in your household at such a young age, not knowing what you're going to get, if it's a rager, if it's drinking, if it's overly infectionate, all that stuff, you usually turn to the masculine energy because it shuts you down and it protects you.

[0:16:23] Karen: Well, it kept me in my head. I was totally disconnected from my body. I lived from the level of mind that thinking, planning, doing. Like if I could think every aspect of us, it's going to be fine, I could control us, I could think my way out of things, overanalyze and.

[0:16:38] Brianne Davis: Figure it out completely, which doesn't burnish.

[0:16:43] Karen: Because you cannot live there. But again, it was so normal to me because I'm a really ambitious and driven person and I thought my constant striving and pushing and hustling and efforting, I thought that was a sign of oh, that's a sign of my ambition. Like, I didn't see that it was so detrimental. So because I lived at that masculine energy, I obviously was attracting people who were men, who were more in their feminine and who just couldn't hold space to me because energy always has to balance. And again, I was just such a closed book. I just couldn't open, I couldn't express. I was life just kind of numb inside. I was just like, oh, shut down. So totally. Yeah, it impacted everything, but especially relationships. And like, that not even just intimate. Even some of my closest relationships with friends. I remember years and years ago we were on holidays and a friend of mine, one of my best friends, even said to me, she was just like she's just like, who are you? I just don't even know who you are. You don't share.

[0:17:48] Karen: And I was like, oh, my God.

[0:17:50] Brianne Davis: How long did you have this friendship? How long were you guys?

[0:17:52] Karen: Oh, we've been friends since primary school.

[0:17:55] Brianne Davis: Wow. To have somebody that you've known that long be life, who are you? Yeah, because I were never completely available.

[0:18:04] Karen: Not on an emotional level. Never. I was terrified. I didn't know how to speak about emotions. I didn't know how to express feelings. I didn't know how because, again, one of what happened. But two, we're not taught that inside society. We're not taught how to process emotions, how to feel them, how to release them. So, yeah, it was that. And actually oh, my God, this is so awful that I remember, like, an early boyfriend as well, who I really, really liked and like, that I liked him so much. I was terrified. Again, that fear of being yourself. I was like, Fear of fear. But even more, it was how I acted, what I said. I just had this fear of he doesn't life me because I like him so much.

[0:18:46] Karen: So it's that editing that constantly not feeling comfortable in yourself, to just be yourself. It's trying to be that perfect person. And I remember at one stage and we were going out and I remember one day he gave me a big hug. We just met and he gave me a big hook. And he was like, I don't know what's wrong with you? He's like, It's like you're dead inside.

[0:19:08] Brianne Davis: What age?

[0:19:10] Karen: Oh, my God. I was like, early teens, late teens, late teens.

[0:19:13] Brianne Davis: Like 1617?

[0:19:15] Karen: Yeah, probably 1718.

[0:19:17] Brianne Davis: Wow.

[0:19:18] Karen: Like, around that age. Those kind of comments obviously don't help a person to try.

[0:19:25] Brianne Davis: Were you confused or did you brush it off? Did you guys? What happened after that? I'm just curious.

[0:19:31] Karen: Yeah, well, obviously, we kind of still went out for a bit, but obviously, it didn't go very far. But as I got older, I was more curious. I was like, Why? Because, again, like I'm saying, this was all unconscious. I didn't connect.

[0:19:49] Brianne Davis: It's those secrets that we keep from ourselves. We are crazy.

[0:19:54] Karen: And that's why the inner work is going within. Because what we carry unconsciously to ourselves are our blind spots. So, yes, I had a curiosity and I was like, what's wrong with me? Why can't I feel this huge joy and kind of safety and things like that? That's what led me on my path of healing and discovery and intimacy.

[0:20:15] Brianne Davis: I know, but what you just said was really important. When you dead in the feelings of not being wanted or not being enough or scared of intimacy or being loved and all that, you dead in everything. That's what my therapy you dead in the joy. You don't get to pick and choose what emotional you don't actually feel all of them.

[0:20:36] Karen: And you know what's even funny? I remember that's why Brennan Brown's talk, the Power of Vulnerability is one of my favorite ever. It is brilliant. And I remember when I first watched that, probably in 2015 or 2016, I was going out with a guy and he was going through different issues or whatever, and he was a bit shut down, obviously, as well. But again, I was totally unconscious. And I remember I watched that Ted Talk and my mind was blown. And she literally says that at the end, she was like, you can't pick and choose emotions. If you're shut down to one, you're shut down to all of them.

[0:21:13] Brianne Davis: Yeah, I heard that twelve years ago. And it just blew my mind when she said that, because I was like, wow. That's why I feel like I never am fully joyous, because I was so dead. And I didn't want to feel anything because as an addict, I don't want to feel anything. Like, I just want to feel euphoria. 24/7. If I can't feel that, I don't want to feel anything else.

[0:21:33] Karen: But I remember watching that mind blown. Loved it. But then I was like, that's what's wrong with my boyfriend, trying to get him to watch it. And it just blows my mind now, because again, it's that thing of everything as a reflection. It's not outside of us, it's something within us as well. But again, I was so unconscious. And it even makes sense now as well, because I traveled for years after university and life, you're saying there as well. I just couldn't feel the full expression of anything. I was just pretty much like, pretty numb to everything. And people you'll be watching this incredible sunset and people are like, oh my God, it's so incredible. Newly cried. And I'm like, yeah, it's ground, like.

[0:22:12] Brianne Davis: Trying to set like, can we go now?

[0:22:14] Karen: Yeah. Trying to kind of fake this, going, oh, yeah. And I'm like going, how are they getting so excited about this? I'm like, It's beautiful, but I just can't feel it. Whereas now I'm that person that I'm like. I'm like crying at the sunset, going, oh my God, it's so beautiful. Nature is so powerful, but I just live my life numb. And again, I just wasn't even aware.

[0:22:36] Brianne Davis: Can I just say, too, it was really fascinating when you said about the boyfriend, and I just want to point out, and I always love to take these things because they're tips. Like, if anyone's listening and you keep picking that unavailable person, and it's because something in you is unavailable. You pick those people because you're unavailable. And that's when you go inward. Life, you said you have to do the inner work. If there's drama or you're not feeling what everybody else is feeling, usually there's something we're cut off from.

[0:23:05] Karen: Yeah, and that's exactly why they say everything does start from within. If we can't feel the full expression of love, of joy, of whatever within us, first and foremost, nothing outside of us can make us feel it. Yes, they can augment it, they can make it bigger, but they cannot make us feel anything that we do not or have activated within ourselves first. So that's why it's all from within. It all starts from within everything. If it's not happening on the external, it's because of something that we hold within a limiting belief, a subconscious pattern, something. And that's why through my own journey and all my learnings and all these AHA like faceplant moments going, oh my God, how could I be so blind? But that's part of the journey. It's not when you have these uncoverings, it's not to get even harder on yourself. It's kind of to be like, oh, well, now I know. Now I've got something.

[0:23:58] Brianne Davis: Now you're gentle, you have compassion and empathy, saying, oh, these are the things that happen. This is why I'm the way I am. And now I need to work on them because you can't carry around that baggage through your life or you're responsible for your behavior now that you know. But here's the thing, and I want to ask you, I want to get back to now there's a person in your life. Is your father still around? I wanted to ask.

[0:24:22] Karen: No, he passed away ten years ago this year of cancer. But obviously it was all connected. And it's funny, actually, he mentioned to me close to the end, he said to me one day, he was like, you know what, Karen? I always thought I was an alcoholic and the drink would kill me. And he was like, and here I am with cancer. But it was cold on cancer. So there was obviously a connection.

[0:24:47] Brianne Davis: Now you are dealing with someone in your life that is drinking a lot, right?

[0:24:53] Karen: Yeah. On a weekly basis, kind of going.

[0:24:57] Brianne Davis: So how are you dealing with that? How are you taking care of yourself now that you know this journey and you know what you've been through and you have the tools and you're with other people like mine going through the same thing. How? Karen, you dealing with someone you care about having the same disease, and it's.

[0:25:15] Karen: Hard the closer the person is to you because you want to. And especially when you've been on a healing journey, you want to share all these tools and everything. I know, right?

[0:25:25] Brianne Davis: And they're like, no, I'm not interested. Leave me alone. That happens to me on a daily basis. It's the most heartbreaking when you're like, no, it's heartbreaking the way you can be better. You don't have to be living like this. And they're, like, not interested.

[0:25:37] Karen: Yeah, totally. And that's a really hard part. But it's about making peace with that as well. And I suppose for me now, for years, I have so many daily practices. Like it is my jam to be meditating, to be praying, to be doing yoga, to be conscious all day, every day, that is me. And even more so when I feel triggered in this particular situation. But also it was that extra level of me reaching out to get help from Alanon and be in a like minded group of people who are experiencing the same, to just be able to share because a word you mentioned there as well. When you go on this healing journey and really connect back to yourself, you gain so much compassion for yourself going, wow. It's that thing of when we know better, we do better. But that compassion. Again, like I said before, we have to activate things within ourselves. So the fact that I activated it within myself, for myself, I actually extend that to others. So even to my dad, I have huge compassion for him because I'm like, shit, I don't know what was going on in his life.

[0:26:39] Brianne Davis: Yeah, what he went through, you have no idea. It's that empathy that we get to have now because we see that we're all going through something nobody does. Hurt people, hurt people and people are trying to function. But yeah, you look at it from a different angle, totally.

[0:26:55] Karen: And I don't think anyone is innately bad, so I do that as well in this situation. And also it's the bigger picture of the higher consciousness that we are a soul, we are a spirit having a human experience. And I'm life just because I think it's bad or it's wrong or it's not the best way. I don't know what another soul is here to experience and to go through and it's just to try, hold, to look after myself. But to hold that space of compassion and love and be just like look, I know you're going through a difficult time. I'm here. Please let me know if I can do anthem. But I also know it's your journey and I fully love you. And giving them that space as well, I think is huge. And I know for us it's made a massive difference because although it hurts and it pains, again, it's not my life. Everyone's here to experience their own things and again, I know it's because of something else that's going on and they know as well. And when they're ready to look at another way, then it'll be their time and it's being okay with that. And I think that's the full truth of awakening, of responsibility, it is that making peace with everyone and anyone, however they're living their life, it's like, okay, maybe it's not my choice, but I don't want to take my anger or because you're not meeting my expectations out on you. That's my piece to deal with. If I am triggered, because that's what they say, nothing can affect me unless I have an unhealed wound within me, unless it's touching something within.

[0:28:24] Karen: Me. So it's that constant invitation, and that's the way I looked at it. I'm like, it's an invitation for me to go deeper into my work. And I am so grateful. And I've said this to him as well. I'm like, oh, my God. I'm so grateful, actually, that you're going through this phase, because it has pushed me to go deeper within myself. And now I've connected with this whole community that I am growing and learning so much. And I'm like, oh, my God. And it is helping him. He's like, wow, that's really interesting. And he's starting to look for other avenues in that. So we just never know. And it's really hard the closer someone is. But it's not about getting anger, calling, just telling them to get their shit together and stop being such an asshole or whatever.

[0:29:08] Karen: And that's really hard. But it's always our work. It's always our piece.

[0:29:12] Brianne Davis: Yeah, I 100% agree. And I love talking to you. We could talk forever. But I have one more question before we go. If someone is dealing with an alcoholic or an addict and they don't know how to have a relationship or move forward, what would be your last bit of advice that you wish you would have heard a long time ago? Yeah.

[0:29:35] Karen: Well, again, I suppose because it depends where you're at in your journey, because for so long, I was so unconscious, I didn't even see the connection. So curiosity is such an incredible tool. Like, if we live a life of curiosity and more curiosity about ourselves, why am I getting so angry? What is it touching within me? Why am I you know, can I not hold a space of.

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Kevin: I’ve Had a Severe Perfectionism Complex For Decades

Mon, 17 Apr 2023 07:00:00 +0000

Do you ever feel like you’re constantly trying to be perfect and never quite reaching it? Then don’t miss the latest episode of Secret Life! We’re diving into the complicated world of perfectionism and its impact on our lives. Join us as we chat with Kevin E. West about his journey of learning to accept his imperfections and combatting perfectionism. Find out how to find peace, relaxation, and balance in your life, and learn valuable lessons about self-love, acceptance, and appreciation! Listen to Secret Life for an inspiring and thought-provoking conversation you won’t want to miss.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

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Guest: KEVIN E. WEST

Kevin E. West is both a Hollywood veteran television actor and a bad-ass Keynote speaker with over 65 plus credits including Guest Stars on Hawaii 5-0, Criminal Minds, Aquarius, Bones, Castle, Touch, CSI: Miami, Justified, Leverage, Lost, 24, Desperate Housewives, NCIS, Alias, CSI, Judging Amy, all the way back to Matlock and dozens more found on IMDB. In the Summer of ’18 Kevin wrapped shooting on, The UnHealer, starring Lance Henriksen and Natasha Henstridge. Kevin has been a public speaker since 1991, with more than 1500 appearances and began his career as a Stand-up Comic and Improv artist.

Kevin, is also a bad-ass walking paradox – being equal parts creative Pisces and redneck third-baseman tough. Sure, Kevin has spent three decades working in Hollywood but his humble beginnings looked far more like Tom Sawyer at 12 starring in the movie, Deliverance. From the rural woods outside of Nashville (’69) to shooting Emmy-Award Winning television shows, with multiple accents, Kevin speaks unabashedly from his core about the importance of clear communication, proper preparation and the core of your skills.

In November of 2019, Kevin’s third book was published, by TitleTown publishing. Politics…in a Word is a companion book in the Gift Book series entitled Kevin’s Dictionary. The original publication, Kevin’s second book, is Life…in a Word which was published in the fall of 2018. Life…in a Word is a creative, unique, poignant and endearing perspective at how we define a word based on a vignette of life. Both of these publications follow Kevin’s initial author effort, 7 Deadly Sins: The Actor Overcomes, published in June of 2016 and is an expert educational culmination of Kevin’s 30+ years of expertise in the business of show business, for actors.

When Kevin speaks it is often raw, deeply personal, some colorful language and yet directed precisely at each individual in the room. Kevin has consulted well over a 1000 people in his life from 20+ countries on the complexities of ‘how to be’ pro-actively successful in any industry. In 1991, out of a dream and a pure grass roots mentality, Kevin founded and built the award-winning actor’s business organization, The Actors’ Network.

Kevin is commonly recognized as the top expert opinion leader industry-wide on the ‘business of show business’ and The Actors’ Network still remains the most endorsed actor’s business organization in the U.S., winning consecutive BackStage West “Reader’s Choice” awards (06/07). A few of its alumni include Emmy Nominee Masi Oka (Heroes), Chelsey Crisp (Off The Boat), Chris Gorham (Covert Affairs-Ugly Betty) and Maggie Grace (Taken trilogy). Kevin has spoken at the ShowBiz Expo, WGA, SAG LifeRaft Foundation, UCLA, as well as talent conventions across the U.S. and in the spring of ’15 in Stockholm at the Swedish Film Institute for the inaugural event, A Date with Hollywood.

Additionally, Kevin is the creator of the video interview series, ActorBizGuru, voted #1 online educational resource by BackStage West, featuring, 49 top industry professionals. He also Co-Authored the 2-hour audio CD The Actor’s Guide to GETTING THE JOB, with former top commercial instructor, Carolyne Barry. To top it all off, in honor of his fallen friend Kerry Daveline from Melanoma, Kevin’s philanthropic soul, created the Hack n’ Smack Celebrity Golf Classic in the spring of ’04 which ran for 10 years and was voted one of the top 10 celebrity golf events in SoCal by Southland Golf magazine. From ’04-’13 the celebrity participation included: Joe Pesci, Joe Mantegna, Ron Perlman and Michael Chiklis.

All told Kevin has produced, from scratch, more than 40 live events of all kinds as well continues to consult for many others. Kevin is a former collegiate golfer (still a 6 hdcp.), has run 4 LA Marathons, played in 6 Men’s Senior Baseball World Series, is a deadly serious Texas Hold-em player and lives his life by ‘The 4-Agreements’.

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To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

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SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

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Bianca: I’m Addicted To Social Media

Mon, 10 Apr 2023 07:00:00 +0000

Likes, Love, and Lipstick: The Ups and Downs of Social Media Addiction -- Brianne and Bianca dive into the world of social media and its impact on self-expression, addiction, and attention-seeking behavior. They offer valuable insights into the authenticity of social media, the harm it can have on mental health, and the obsession with external image. With a focus on being true to oneself, the hosts provide valuable advice to younger generations on how to use social media mindfully and not let it consume one's life. Join Bianca and Brianne in this insightful and serious conversation about the impact of social media on our society.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

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To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

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SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

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Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

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Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

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Michelle: I’m Still Trying To Protect My Abuser

Mon, 03 Apr 2023 07:00:00 +0000

Michelle was determined to break the general trauma she suffered with an abusive father, and found herself unwittingly falling in love with someone so similar. Michelle's journey is similar for so many victims of abuse, the push and pull, the gas lighting and lies. Listen how Michelle pushed through to provide a better life for her daughters, even though she's still struggling to find her abuser at fault.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

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To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

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SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

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Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

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Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
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Cassie: Sexual Anorexia & Infertility - I Stoped Telling My Partners I Couldn’t Have Kids

Mon, 27 Mar 2023 07:00:00 +0000

Cassie opens up about the difficult secret she kept from partners for years: her inability to have children due to abnormalities in her ovaries. Her story sheds light on the little-discussed issue of sexual anorexia and the impact it can have on individuals' emotional and sexual lives. Host, Brianne Davis encourages Cassie to seek help and put herself back out there. Through their honest and vulnerable conversation, the importance of honesty, connection, and seeking help is emphasized. This episode is a must-listen for anyone struggling with similar issues and seeking support and understanding.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
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Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

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Transcript:

[0:00:00] Cassie: I took his hand and I said, okay, there's something I got to tell you. And I told him. I said, from an early age, I found out I couldn't have children, and I explained to him the details, and I want to spend a life with you. If you can't accept this, let's just go ahead and break up now. Shh.

[0:00:26] Brianne Davis: Welcome to the Secret Life Podcast. Tell me your secret, I'll tell you mine.

Welcome to Secret Life Podcast. I'm Brianne Davis-Gantt. Today, I'm pulling back the curtains of all kinds of human secret. We'll hear about what people are hiding from themselves or others. You know those deep, deep, dark secrets you probably want to take to your grave. Or those lighter, funnier, ha secrets you don't ever want to tell anybody. You know the how, what, when, where, and why of it all.

Today. My guest is Cassie. Now, Cassie, I have a question for you. What is your secret?

[0:01:43] Cassie: I stopped telling partners that I could not have children.

[0:01:48] Brianne Davis: Oh, so you stopped telling somebody you're with that you were unable to have kids?

[0:01:54] Cassie: Yes.

[0:01:55] Brianne Davis: Okay. Take me back, girl. Take me back.

[0:02:00] Cassie: This was 14 years ago. I was in a serious relationship. I was 24, and he was my first experience of everything. I was that goody two shoes girl, if you know what I mean.

[0:02:14] Brianne Davis: Goody two Southern girl.

[0:02:18] Cassie: That was me.

[0:02:19] Brianne Davis: Yeah.

[0:02:21] Cassie: Anyway, he took my virginity and I fell in love, and I thought for sure he was in love with me. So six months of us dating, I knew I had to tell him this because at an early age, I found out I could not have children. So I knew I had to tell him before he pulled out a ring and said and proposed because I thought it was going down into that. So six months into the relationship, we were driving home from visiting his parents, and I told him.

[0:02:56] Brianne Davis: What did you say? How did you say it? Do you remember?

[0:02:59] Cassie: This is how I said it. I took his hand and I said, okay, there's something I got to tell you. And I told him. I said, from an early age, I found out I couldn't have children. And I explained to him the details, and I said in the only way I said and the reason why I'm telling you this is I didn't want to take I knew this is where this was leading, and I want to spend a life with you. And if you can't accept this, let's just go ahead and break up now, because I want a partner that's going to be there, because this is going to be a fight. The only way I could have even fathom having a kid was IVF or adoption. I said, So if this is how you want to fight, if you want to be my partner and fight with me, we'll do this. And I'm trying to try not to cry.

[0:03:48] Brianne Davis: Talking about it. Don't cry. Cry, girl, cry, because I know the shoe is about to drop and I'm going to start crying.

[0:03:56] Cassie: Then he squeezed my hand, and all he said was, I know I don't want to break up with you. So I was like, okay, so maybe we're leaning somewhere good. And that's really all he said. In about ten minutes down the road and this is where your book comes into play with me, because this is where I felt like Roxanne. And he ten minutes, we're driving 1520 minutes down the road, he says, So this means I don't have to pull out anymore.

[0:04:28] Brianne Davis: No, he did not.

[0:04:32] Cassie: He did too.

[0:04:33] Brianne Davis: Oh, my God, that makes me so angry on so many levels.

[0:04:39] Cassie: Oh, my that ain't all. About a month or two down the road, he would take snippets because we stayed together a year and a half, and he would take little sniff. Oh, and that night yeah, that night, I felt like rock stand because I gave in. Yeah, I gave in. And just looking at the ceiling blades, and I just spinning.

[0:05:11] Brianne Davis: Disconnected.

[0:05:16] Cassie: And a month or two down the road, he would always make little snippet comments about adoption, and he would always say, well, adopted kids, they just are my gosh, it could turn out so bad. And again, that rock sand feeling. But this is what I think hurt the most, too. It's about a month or two down the road. He looked at me one day, and I remember I was cooking in his apartment, and he said, you know, if you did get pregnant, if it worked or you did get pregnant, you would look like an uncle. But again, what did I do?

[0:06:04] Brianne Davis: You stayed.

[0:06:06] Cassie: Oh, my God.

[0:06:08] Brianne Davis: What is he like, trying to torture you? Like you've already shown your heart? As a woman, not being able to reproduce is already difficult. And then on top of it, he's like, it's just crazy. Sometimes, as humans do to each other, it is.

[0:06:27] Cassie: But yet when he finally broke it off with me, because he moved and transferred, and God did for you what.

[0:06:37] Brianne Davis: You couldn't do for yourself, girl.

[0:06:39] Cassie: Exactly. But I still could not let go. We still saw each other. I had an aunt that she's passed now, but she was like a little bit of an enabler, and she was like, Just go and scene. Go and sing. Because my deal with her was, as long as you told me you're driving somewhere to go see as long as you tell me where you're at and then when you get back. And so I remember calling her and saying, I'm going. And she said, well, just call me when you get back. Anyway, I'm telling you, I don't know why I did it. I guess because he was my first.

[0:07:30] Brianne Davis: For so many reasons. I always think it's something in us feels broken and we feel like someone else is going to fix it. And especially when that person that we love is unavailable, we want to convince them to become available for us. But I do want to take you back a little bit further. I did have a question I wanted to ask. When you were younger, what you found out why you couldn't have kids. Can you share that or you don't want to share that?

[0:08:00] Cassie: Yeah, I'll share that. So when I was born, as my family says about me, I'm the persevere, is what they say.

[0:08:14] Brianne Davis: Okay.

[0:08:16] Cassie: So when I was born, there was abnormalities in my ovaries, so they had to take them when I was a baby, okay? So it's kind of like straight from going from mom to this. So when I was 1110, 1112 years old, and this is my fault because I'm such a strong person, I'm there for everybody else. I'm the one that everybody leans on, or I feel that way. So when I was ten or eleven years old, my mom told me I just didn't want to talk about it. I didn't know what to do, what to say, so I never discussed it again.

[0:09:01] Brianne Davis: Right. And how can you comprehend that at such a young age? I wouldn't be able to comprehend that I had endometriosis or a huge fibroid at the age of eleven. You know what I mean? We don't understand. So I get it.

[0:09:14] Cassie: Right? My mom, too, love her to death. She's a rock for me. That was some things we just didn't discuss in our family. There's things you just don't discuss.

[0:09:31] Brianne Davis: No, I get it. Why can't we discuss female hormonal issues with our mothers, but that generation doesn't discuss that stuff. I get it.

[0:09:43] Cassie: No, that's where it started.

[0:09:50] Brianne Davis: Did she ever say anything that made it worse? I know parents do the best they can, but was there anything ever where it just reiterated.

[0:10:03] Cassie: The only thing? Because when I was contemplating finally telling him, I went to her and this is what I said, because I had discussed it with two of my best friends, okay? And they were like, you need to and my mom is the type of, no, you wait till you have a ring. And I'm like, no, because that would be in my mind, that was accepting it on false pretenses, right? Because he didn't know the whole story. So she was like, she was like, I see what you're saying. If this is what's leading in your heart to do it. I said, because I didn't want to lie to him. You know what I mean?

[0:10:40] Brianne Davis: Yeah.

[0:10:41] Cassie: And so I let out my most vulnerable. And that's what scares me to get close to another guy is because I let out my most vulnerable.

[0:10:54] Brianne Davis: Yeah. And your biggest fear that telling this, then you would be rejected. And it seems like he dragged it on and also at the same time was rejecting you little by little, it sounds like.

[0:11:07] Cassie: Right.

[0:11:08] Brianne Davis: So then you moved on and you didn't tell another soul.

[0:11:13] Cassie: I moved on, didn't tell another guy ever dated. I went on a wild streak.

[0:11:23] Brianne Davis: Oh, so you rock sand it.

[0:11:29] Cassie: I went on a wild streak. I met a friend, like Roxanne Hat, and we met at a gym and had the same trainer and so I rock sanded.

[0:11:44] Brianne Davis: Okay.

[0:11:45] Cassie: It was a bar every weekend. And I was just like, well, I'm not going to be a wife. This moping ain't going to work out.

[0:11:55] Brianne Davis: Yeah.

[0:11:56] Cassie: So I'm going to just break it open. And so that's what I did. And I met another guy who was my other experience.

[0:12:08] Brianne Davis: Okay.

[0:12:12] Cassie: He was like, to explain him was like a cover off of romance novel. Okay. He looked that good. And so I was like, oh, my gosh. I felt like I had power. You get what I'm saying?

[0:12:30] Brianne Davis: Please. Do I get what you're saying? Please. We know. I got what we were saying.

[0:12:36] Cassie: I felt like I had taught two. I would walk into a bar and I would look at my friends and I'm like, I'm kissing that guy by the end of the night, let's play bed sound. And I would be kissing that guy at the end of the night. But this guy, I'll never forget it. And I don't know, it was just like that how you wrote in your book. When you feel that much strong social connection, run away. Not me. Okay. And we talked a little while and then my grandmother was really sick and she was on her deathbed and I was out of town working, and he came and saw me, and I just wanted comfort. And he came that night and it all went down and he got up and left. I felt like the walk of shame the next morning when people at work and one of my friends was doing brown chicken, brown cow, I was like, hate you right now. But anyway, I ended up getting ghosted after that from him. That was it?

[0:13:51] Brianne Davis: Yeah. Can I ask if you allowed him to? Did you have a condom on? Is that an inappropriate question, Brianne? Probably.

[0:14:04] Cassie: No. Either time. No with my first and no with my second, which was stupid.

[0:14:10] Brianne Davis: Okay. Yes. We are not smart sometimes in our decision making. We get that. Okay, so you then get ghosted, which is horrible. People should never ghost anybody. And then you kept just not telling people that you got involved.

[0:14:25] Cassie: Just not told that I dated another guy for six months. Not too long after that, broke it off with him, never told him. And then finally after the dating, just quit. What do you mean it quit?

[0:14:38] Brianne Davis: You just life said I'm done.

[0:14:41] Cassie: I didn't want to date. I would go out here and there and I just could not get close.

[0:14:47] Brianne Davis: You turn sexual anorexic, then you just shut it down.

[0:14:51] Cassie: I shut it down?

[0:14:52] Brianne Davis: Yeah. Nobody talks about that. Your emotions and your body just shuts down because of all the damage or trauma and stuff and rejection and abandonment. You just shut that part of you off and it's called sexual anorexia. And nobody talks about it.

[0:15:10] Cassie: Nobody talks about it. And here I am 1213 years later and I'm like, wow, are you still.

[0:15:17] Brianne Davis: Shut down right now?

[0:15:18] Cassie: Oh, yeah.

[0:15:20] Brianne Davis: I didn't know that. You have not dated for twelve years.

[0:15:25] Cassie: I have not dated anybody serious or had a serious relationship. Yes.

[0:15:31] Brianne Davis: Right.

[0:15:31] Cassie: I have not been intimate with a guy for twelve to 13 years and I have not told him that. And it's probably saddened me to say this, I am talking to someone, but it's like I feel like I'm a damaged good.

[0:15:45] Brianne Davis: I know, I get it. I felt like that when I turned sexual anorexic and shut down like that. I felt like I was damaged and something was wrong with me. I totally know that feeling.

[0:15:58] Cassie: And so part of me is always going to feel inadequate because I can't do the one thing that the main thing a woman was created for.

[0:16:09] Brianne Davis: Right.

[0:16:09] Cassie: And you're just like.

[0:16:12] Brianne Davis: But here's the thing. So many women are going through that now. You're not alone. I know. So many women that have had to do IVF five times and still haven't. So you are not alone. But when we're going through it or we feel life, we're not doing what women are supposed to do that we're broken. And that's not true. Just so you know, you are not alone.

[0:16:35] Cassie: Right. And trust me, there have been nights, especially when he broke up with me. I mean, I would just cry myself to sleep. And finally I have a piece. I feel like I'm getting a piece, but I know that I still have work.

[0:16:53] Brianne Davis: Well yeah, I mean you definitely have work if you're still stuck in that sexual anorexia. That's the hardest part. To get out of the acting out over sexual and doing all that. It's easy, easier. But to get out of the cycle of sexual anorexia is brutal. It's brutal. So how are you going to put yourself out there? Because you deserve love, girl. You deserve it.

[0:17:25] Cassie: Well, thank you, I guess. I don't know, other than like you told me before the meetings. Go to a meeting.

[0:17:40] Brianne Davis: Yeah, there's a great sexual anorexia meeting on Tuesdays, just so you know, in Los Angeles at 07:30 p.m.. Really? Yeah. It's an amazing meeting. If you're out there and you find yourself shut down. There's an amazing meeting. You can reach out to me. I will give you the information. But this is something that is so difficult to get out of, to put yourself back out there, to step into that unknown.

[0:18:07] Cassie: It is an unknown. And you kind of almost feel like you're in a rut. And I throw my life into work and family and friends, and I'm that's what I do. And I'm that friend. I worry about everybody else but me.

[0:18:25] Brianne Davis: Yeah. Normally that is what happens.

[0:18:31] Cassie: And I'm that friend that will run over right away. And sometimes you got to take care of yourself to take care of others, and I don't do it.

[0:18:46] Brianne Davis: Well, here's an idea. Is there anybody in your life right now that you could call and say, I need help getting back out there, and they can sit with you and talk to you and maybe enter on one of those dating apps or go with you out and start putting yourself back out there? Because, yes, rejection and abandonment is going to happen. But when we shut down emotionally and sexually, we're denying ourselves a part of life.

[0:19:15] Cassie: Right. And there might be sometimes you just.

[0:19:21] Brianne Davis: Got to mention it to one person in your life. Like, I'm struggling.

[0:19:24] Cassie: Yeah. And I think there is that. Most of my friends are married with kids and they do their own life. You're like, I don't want to bug them about it, but I think I have a friend.

[0:19:38] Brianne Davis: Yeah, but here's the thing. Those married people probably are struggling just as much as you are with sexual anorexia. I know a lot of married couples that get stagnant, so maybe you mentioning it to somebody that you think wouldn't have that problem, probably is going through something similar.

[0:19:57] Cassie: Yeah. In the small town I life in, there are things you just don't talk about. Gossip will start.

[0:20:07] Brianne Davis: But there's something about you telling your truth that then helps other people tell their truth.

[0:20:14] Cassie: Right. It brings it out. Yeah.

[0:20:16] Brianne Davis: It brings that darkness out because you're drowning in darkness.

[0:20:20] Cassie: Right. And I have been really talking to a friend that is single. She's a little bit older than me, and she has been through everything with me with this. All these years ago, I confided in her. She was the phone call I made to say, hey, this is what I'm telling him. And so if there was anyone, it would probably be her.

[0:20:48] Brianne Davis: You got to get back out there. Promise me you'll come to one of the anorexia meetings. I'll be in the room with you. I will be in the room with you. I will give you the information because it is not a place to live. I know people that have gone 20 years without having a partnership and living alone, and I just don't think that's good for anybody's psyche.

[0:21:11] Cassie: No. Because we were built for relationship yeah.

[0:21:14] Brianne Davis: And connection.

[0:21:16] Cassie: We were definitely built for it. And that's a huge reason why I'm talking today. Yeah.

[0:21:24] Brianne Davis: I'm so grateful you reached out to me and you're willing to come forward. And I had no idea, though, that you've gone that way. I thought you got on the other side, but you being still in it, I would be honored to help you get out of it.

[0:21:41] Cassie: Thank you. It would be great to have that. It would be great to have somebody like that. Definitely.

[0:21:47] Brianne Davis: Well, let me ask you this question before we go. If anybody out there is going through the same thing you're going through, heartbreak, disappointment, even fertility issues, what would be your advice for them? Even though you're still in it? Is there anything you can help someone else with?

[0:22:05] Cassie: My advice would be don't do what I did.

[0:22:08] Brianne Davis: Don't shut down.

[0:22:09] Cassie: Don't shut down. Don't shut down. Don't act a fool like I did and do stupid things. Find the right people to be around. Don't make a mistake and get that crazy friend that throws you into it.

[0:22:29] Brianne Davis: Right.

[0:22:29] Cassie: And get a friend who's going to help you and lift you up. And that's the main thing. If I would have to say the takeaway and yes, and don't shut down.

[0:22:41] Brianne Davis: Don't shut down because it's so hard to dig your way out of it. I still struggle with intimacy. I still do. After almost twelve years of recovery, it's still difficult for me to attach my feelings and my sexuality and intimacy. So I get it. And once you go down that hole and you shut down, it's so hard to put yourself back out there again. So that would be my advice. Don't shut down. Like lean into not shutting down as much as you can fight through it. If you can fight through it, fight like you're like fighting a dragon. Because that's what it is. It's literally like a dragon.

[0:23:18] Cassie: It is. And you don't realize it before you know it because I think age, the older I got too, it just was like it just crept up because age too. Yeah.

[0:23:34] Brianne Davis: The year goes by and you're like, whoa. A year just went by? The time you're like five years. And then you're like, oh well. And then you're like seven years and eight years. I get it. So we are going to dig you out of this anorexia once and for all so that you can connect and be a whole person and give yourself to somebody else and feel loved. Because that's what it's about, right?

[0:24:01] Cassie: It is. It's about that. Like I said, I'm never comfortable I'm hardly the comfortable one sharing things because I'm always the one that I'm the shoulder you cry on. I don't cry on your shoulder.

[0:24:16] Brianne Davis: Well, now you do. Now you're going to wear that mask. Well, thank you so much for coming on and sharing this. I feel like it's going to help so many people because this is something definitely nobody talks about. So I'm beyond grateful that you told me all of this.

[0:24:35] Cassie: Well, thank you. And thank you for letting me talk.

[0:24:40] Brianne Davis: Well, if you want to be on the show, please email me at secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. Until next time.

[0:24:51] Cassie: Bye.

[0:24:52] Brianne Davis: Thanks again for listening to the show. Please subscribe rate share or send me a note at secretlifepodcast.com. If you'd like to check out my book, head over to SecretLifelifeNovel.com or Amazon to pick up a copy for yourself or someone you love. Thanks again. See you soon.

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Parker: I’m Recovering From an Eating Disorder, But There’s A Lot That’s Not Recovered

Mon, 20 Mar 2023 07:00:00 +0000

Parker bravely shares her journey with an eating disorder that started at the age of six. She reveals how her struggle with controlling her body became intertwined with her identity, making it difficult to imagine life without it. With honesty and vulnerability, Parker unpacks her experience as an addict, comparing her behavior to that of a heroin addict. Her story sheds light on the complexities of eating disorders, the impact they have on a person's well-being, and the importance of seeking help and support. Tune in to this episode of the Secret Life Podcast to gain insight and understanding on this critical issue affecting millions worldwide.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

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To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

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SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

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Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

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Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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TRANSCRIPT

[0:00:00] Parker: So I eat these Quest bars, you know, and sometimes it's like, that'll be pretty much all I eat in a day. And then while I do it, I get on Instagram and I go to like, Search, and then it's just food. And I watch layer cakes, cupcakes, donuts, pizza. And then I'm just thinking about the binge. Just like thinking about it.

[0:00:24] Parker: Shh. Shh.

[0:00:26] Brianne: Welcome to the Secret Life Podcast. Tell me your secret, I'll tell you mine. Sometimes you have to go through the darkness to reach the light. That's what I did. After twelve years of recovery in sex and love addiction, I finally found my soulmate myself. Please join me in my novel, secret Life of a Hollywood sex and love Addict. A four time bestseller on Amazon. It's a brutal, honest, raw, gnarly ride, but hilarious at the same time. Check it out now on Amazon. Welcome to Secret Life Podcast. I'm brienne. Davis.

[0:01:07] Parker: Gantt.

[0:01:07] Brianne: Today, I'm pulling back the curtains of all kinds of human secrets. We'll hear about what people are hiding from themselves or others. You know, those deep, dark secrets you probably want to take to your grave.

[0:01:16] Parker: Or those lighter, funnier secrets that are just plain embarrassing. Really, the how, what, when, where, and why of it all. Today. My guest is Parker. Parker, I have a question for you. Dun dun dun. What is your secret?

[0:01:33] Parker: My secret is that I have an eating disorder. And I know that sounds like, yes, you and everyone else on the planet. And it's not so much that no one knows that I have eating disorders, but the secret is more, that all this shit that I'm still doing, because my story is that I'm recovered. But the truth is, there's a lot that's not recovered.

[0:02:00] Parker: So when did this secret first start? When did you start going through those eating disorder situation when you were younger?

[0:02:09] Parker: Well, okay, so I starved for the first time when I was six, and that wasn't necessary. And that wasn't necessarily about wanting to be thin. That didn't happen until nine. But six was more. My mom was mentally ill and she had my baby sister at home. And I really felt unsafe with them being at home by themselves. I was like, she can't do it. I need to be there. So I was in first grade and I realized, oh, if I don't eat my lunch, I will start to feel really sick, like I have the flu. And then I can go to the principal. I can go to the principal's office and say I feel sick and I can go home. And then I can make sure that my mom and my sister are okay. So that was sort of the first time that used the tool of starving to serve me. And then a couple of years later, I remember being in the car with my mom and seeing this girl jogging, and she was like, really tan. I'm really not tan.

[0:03:10] Parker: And she had thighs that were thin but also very muscly and very defined. And my thighs are just creamy white and they're just soft. And I just remember looking at her thighs and then looking down at my spreading thigh life spread over the car seat. And I was like, no, this is not acceptable. And honestly, I'm in my still feel the same way about my thighs.

[0:03:39] Parker: Did anybody say anything ever about your thighs? Or is it just something you have always felt?

[0:03:46] Parker: It's more just something I've always felt. I was an early bloomer, so I've never been overweight. But I was definitely big. I was like one of the tallest kids. And I had big feet. And I had a lot of girlfriends who were like little, and they were like a size one. And I wore like a size nine. So I always felt very big in space. And also my mom is obese, and she's been obese my whole life. So just having that as a woman and a girl having and she hates her body life. I never saw her naked. Like so much shame. Doesn't want her picture taken. So I think I got a lot of that hardwiring of just like even though I know intellectually that I am not big, I feel big. And a lot of times too, that's what I see.

[0:04:37] Parker: So it's life, even to this day. I'll say crazy shit to my husband, and he'll be like, I'll see someone and I'll be like, do my legs look like hers? And he's like, honey, you're like half the size of that. But I literally don't see it. I'm not trying to be an asshole. That's not what I see.

[0:04:52] Parker: No. I have had an eating disorder too, so I complete in high school. So I remember until I got so thin. And everybody used to tell me how great I looked. And so I got a little thinner. And then it wasn't so good looking anymore. And people started telling me that, and I would just think they were jealous or something. But I remember specifically someone took a picture of me, and I saw the picture, and I saw what they saw. And my eyes didn't see the same thing. It's life, this distortion or something.

[0:05:29] Parker: Yeah. And honestly, that's part of my disorder too. And that's something that's still a thing. Because it's like I'll look in and I have this weird thing. Like, if it's a new mirror, somehow magically, it's like a thin mirror. So I'll go to Cheesecake Factory and I'll be like, damn, bitch. All right, we're getting cake. But then if I'm home and it's my regular old mirror, I'm like, no. Oh, boy. Now what are we going to do? Get out the sweats, cover it up. And I forget where I was going with that.

[0:05:59] Parker: But it's okay because I have a question. You withheld food from yourself instead of life. Binging.

[0:06:07] Parker: Oh, no, I do that, too.

[0:06:09] Parker: So it was a combination of both.

[0:06:10] Parker: Yeah. It's a lot of control and over exercising life. I never actually threw up, but I think one of the tricky things and how I can still carry it today is I'm very good at looking like I have my shit together. I was never £80. I was never £800. I would go to twelve step meetings that are about I've gone to food programs for years and I did all the stuff and I read all the books and I had a sponsor and I sponsored, and the entire time I was lying. Like, not all the time. Not about everything.

[0:06:48] Brianne: Like what?

[0:06:49] Parker: Give me some examples.

[0:06:51] Parker: Okay, so in these programs, they talk about being abstinent and sometimes, and that just means life. It's individual, it's whatever that thing is for you. For some people, it's no sugar. For some people, it's no binging. For some people, it's three meals a day with nothing in between. And I mean, it's been so long, I can't even tell you what my abstinence was. That it's like, I would have it and then I would lose it and I wouldn't say anything. And part of it was because I was getting away with it. And I would go to these meetings and people would say things to me like, what are you doing? Because I looked normal. I was like a size. I wasn't big, I wasn't small. And so to them, they would look to me like I had the answer. And the whole time I'm thinking like, this is a life. And that's tied into the anorexia too, right?

[0:07:37] Parker: Because it's life. Even when you are teeny tiny, and even in that microsecond that you might actually be feeling it too, your head's going, you're a fucking liar. This is a fucking sham. Do you know how fucking hungry I am right now? And I'm doing all this so I can look like this for you and I can't even own it because it's not even real. Because I know the moment I eat a pizza or eat a sandwich, it's all done anyways. It's just giant illusion. Yeah.

[0:08:06] Parker: And for me, it was all just about the one thing. I can control life. I can control my body. No one can stop me from controlling it. And I remember my parents one time wanting me to drink a milkshake. And I was life. I am not drinking a milkshake. That's disgusting. Which today I'll drink a milkshake. I love a good milkshake, right? Anyways, and then if I drank the milkshake, I would then beat myself up about it in my head, right?

[0:08:34] Parker: Or be so afraid. And for me, I think part of why I still do what I do and I want to get into what I do.

[0:08:43] Parker: Yes.

[0:08:43] Parker: Because it's gnarly. But a part of it is the disorders are so wrapped up into my identity that I'm literally like, I don't know who I would be without this. Every once in a while, I will dare myself to just dream about what if I had freedom from food obsession? What if I didn't spend? And these are the days that I'm not worrying about a job or my kid or my husband or somebody being sick or life the bigger stuff. If I don't have that stuff to obsess about, then this is where I go. The default is food. What did you eat? What didn't you eat? When can you eat again? Did you eat too much? I still track calories like a fucking weirdo on my calculator app and I'll go into the next day. So it's like you're 600 negative for Life Tuesday and it's Sunday. But I'll keep track of it because somehow in my head I'm like, I'm going to catch up.

[0:09:43] Parker: So is that some of the stuff you're still doing today?

[0:09:46] Parker: Yeah.

[0:09:47] Parker: That's the secret you're holding?

[0:09:48] Parker: Yeah. Well, I just want to backtrack, really. So I did all the lying within the program and I think part of a lot of times because I do believe eating disorders are an addiction. That's just what I believe and that's why I fully qualify as an addict is I never really hit a bottom. And so I actually ended up leaving my whole life and went back to my parents house. And coincidentally, my sister was living in my parents basement and she is a drug addict. And so she had just gotten back from rehab, she had no job, she had no car, like nothing. So she's hit her bottom. She's in the basement life doing her thing, and she was counting days. And so I would drive her to her A meetings, but then subsequently I'm one level above in the living room and something about the move, because this wasn't a conscious decision on my point on my part, like, I'm going to leave my life and kind of put myself in rehab. But that's kind of what happened. So I'm at my parents house. I have no job, I have no health insurance, I have no money. And I remember for six weeks I sat on my parents couch and I just ate, which I'd never let myself do before. It was like, I'm going to binge, but then I'm going to starve and then I'm going to go to the gym.

[0:11:12] Parker: And it was like this life and all these meds to the antidepressants that would make me speedy and they would make me be able to eat even more because it would raise up my metabolism. So then I'm taking the downers so I can go to sleep, but those aren't working. So then I'm driving to 711 at 03:00 A.m.. It was so crazy.

[0:11:30] Parker: Yeah. That's everything you just said a heroin addict could say and it would be the same exact description.

[0:11:39] Parker: Yeah. And I would be driving around on all those downers that were supposed to make me sleep. I'm driving my car, like going like, I need to get ice cream. So when I went home and I just ate and I remember I even like, I got a really expensive gym membership and I would like, go to the gym and I'd try to get on the elliptical. And I'd be like, no. And I would go back home and.

[0:12:03] Parker: Being on the elliptical.

[0:12:07] Parker: And I was like, the bitch. She was like 05:00 a.m in the middle of winter, like doing running her 5 miles because I wanted to be able to eat that day, right? I want to eat, but I had to earn it. So I went home and just sat on the couch and I hit a bottom. And it was like the best thing I could have ever done for myself. And so I did that. I just ate for probably like a good month and a half. And then one day I went on a weird internet date with some random guy and he took me to a Tori Amos concert. And I'm obsessed with her. And it was like I've seen her life so many times. And so I'm watching her and I've just had this moment. And I really believe this was life from God, like direct channel. I just looked at her performing and this voice said to me, do you see that greatness up there? You have that too, life. You have all that in you.

[0:13:01] Parker: And aren't you so tired of hating yourself? And literally in that moment, it was a gift. And I've never gone back to that same place. And so my secret that I'm sharing with you, because that's the story I tell. And it's true that I've never gone back to that place. But really, sometimes the only difference between that and now is that I don't judge myself in the same way. And I don't get scared that because if anyone's listening that has eating disorders, first of all, I love you. Second of all, for me, I had to create a life that I wanted to show up for. So that was the other difference. It was 2005. Like, I didn't like my job. I didn't life my apartment. I didn't like where I was living. I had sort of set up a life for myself that I didn't want to show up for. So it's like, of course you're going to and call in sick and life and do all the shit you were doing.

[0:14:06] Parker: And now today I have a life that I want to show up for. First of all, the level of fantasy. So I still binge there. There's my secret. I binge and I don't even know it's probably once every couple of months. And it's very secret. And the first crazy part is just the level of fantasy that I do. I mean, it's like when people talk about suicidal ideation, I feel like I do that with binging.

[0:14:41] Parker: If I'm feeling you plan your meals, what you're going to get. You go on Yelp and you look like, OOH, I'm going to go to that place and get that.

[0:14:48] Parker: Yeah, well, here's another thing this ties back. This is another disordered thing that I still do. So when I was really anorexic, I used to eat my diet yogurt with like the two tablespoons of grape nuts and I'd put a ton of salt in it because the salt would give it more flavor.

[0:15:03] Parker: That sounds so gross. I'm sure every listener is going, what?

[0:15:08] Parker: I ate everything with salt. I used to cut pears and dip them into kosher salt, like every bite. And I think it was just because my body wanted flavor so badly and it was like that was all that I would give to myself. So somehow that was maximizing it. So anyways, I would eat this diet yogurt and I would look at food magazines and I would look at Life ribeyes and baked potatoes and I would literally pretend that that's what I was eating while I was eating the same 90 calorie key lime pie bullshit nutrisweet yogurt. Right? So I still do that. So now today my thing is Quest bars. I'm obsessed with Quest bars. And this is part of my disordered eating too, is I get into these right now it's summer, so it's like it's all about salads and then winter it's all about soup. Yes, but I do this weird fucked up shit with my soup too. So it's like not even soup, it's kind of like stuffing. And I bake it with like egg whites because I want volume, I want to eat a lot. It's like whatever I'm eating, it has to be like a lot of it. I eat these Quest bars and sometimes that'll be pretty much all I eat in a day.

[0:16:23] Parker: But I have this ritual where I get the bars. It's always the same kind. It's always I eat the one first and the second 1 second. And then while I do it, I get on Instagram and I go to Search and then it's just food. And I watch layer cakes, cupcakes donuts, pizza and so. And then I'm just thinking about the binge. Just like thinking about it and planning it and it's very complicated because I want to do it where it's like I don't have to work that day, I don't have to work the next day. I need life two days to do it properly. Which is really hard when you're married and you have a kid. So it's like I'm trying to be like, don't you guys want to go on a camping trip without me? It feels like this is the one thing that I truly look forward to. Which how sad is that? Because of course, you know, I mean from I'm assuming you've binged before.

[0:17:18] Parker: Oh yeah.

[0:17:19] Parker: Okay. So you know. Right? So it's like the first whatever, probably ten minutes is kind of amazing. And then you're like, I feel sick.

[0:17:26] Parker: Yeah, it's life. The first couple of bites, and then the rest of it kind of I remember I used to want to eat it really fast so that my mind couldn't stop me, I guess, is what I remember a long time ago. But yeah, it was only those first couple of bites for me.

[0:17:46] Parker: And then you're like, it stops tasting good. It stops tasting good. And then your mouth starts to hurt, and then your stomach starts to hurt. And I'll literally go to, like, I feel like I'm going to throw up, and I don't throw up. It's like I just don't want to throwing up is not a thing for me. I keep it. Yeah, but it's just so interesting. It's like, what is that definitely when I'm mid binge or definitely when I'm in the after part when you just feel kind of comatose? One of the thoughts that always comes up for me is like, honey, you can take a break. There's this lead up when it's like, I've made the decision and I'm off to the races and it's happening. That it's like, in those moments, I don't see you could have just taken.

[0:18:38] Parker: A bath or just had one slice of the pizza or two or three and not enough.

[0:18:45] Parker: Right.

[0:18:46] Parker: Why do we always have to let.

[0:18:48] Parker: Yourself extreme or let yourself lay in bed and watch Netflix all day? Because that's what I'm doing. And that's really I don't want to say where all the pleasure comes from, but a lot of it, a lot of it is like, I want an excuse to lie in bed all day.

[0:19:01] Parker: But here's my other thing for you that I don't think we're hitting on, okay? There's something inside that just doesn't allow us or people or you to just be to be where you are, to be present. And instead, we eat, we instagram swipe, we compare and despair to other people to get out of ourselves. So my question for you, I'm just going to jump to how do you move forward?

[0:19:31] Parker: Okay?

[0:19:32] Parker: And my question for you, where's the pause button before you do those things? Before you put that whole pizza or layered cake? So where's that pause and go? Why? Because for me, the moments I go, why do I want to do this so bad right now? And why am I obsessively thinking about this thing? Something else deeper is going on. What is that? And for me, it's usually fear. It's usually sadness. It's usually all those abandonment sometimes, right. So for you, how do you move forward?

[0:20:15] Parker: Well, I know what works for me, and it's really simple. It's just reaching out. And I'm really lucky that I have a husband who is also a compulsive overeater. We actually met in the program, and it's really beautiful because I've seen him struggle. He's seen me struggle. And we have this really beautiful. Very like it's unsaid because we both understand to our core that there's nothing that you can say to that person in that moment when they're in their disease.

[0:20:47] Parker: Totally.

[0:20:49] Parker: But I've said to him many times, and he'll do it to me, too, I'll be like, I am done. I'm done eating for the day. Or I'll say, I want to binge and this is what I want to do. And then we just talk about it. And like, nine times out of ten, that pause is enough.

[0:21:07] Parker: And you just have to be good enough with that. There's no perfection. And we just do the best we can and we show up for our life. And I think that's lovely that you have a partner that you can have that communication with.

[0:21:22] Parker: Yeah, it's really special. It's really special because I feel like normies people that don't have eating disorders, like bless them, they don't get it.

[0:21:32] Parker: No, you can't get it. No, you can't get it. And people that have had eating disorders or still going through it, now, you are not alone. And the problem is you're probably going to have it the rest of your life. So you have to manage it or it will kill you. We don't think it's as deadly as drugs or alcohol or that kind of addiction, but it will kill you because you're taking your body through this thing that is not healthy.

[0:22:04] Parker: Yeah. And especially if you're like me, it's just it progresses. I've noticed the more I do it, the more it's like, I'm eating it faster, I'm doing it more. Because I didn't used to do that. I was the savor and I would savor it, and now I'm just like I can really see it's. Like, I just so badly want to numb out. I just want to numb out.

[0:22:29] Parker: Well, thank you for sharing your secret with us.

[0:22:32] Parker: You're welcome.

[0:22:33] Parker: Thank you for listening to Secret Life podcast. If you have a past secret that you've already gone through and you're on the other side, or a present secret you're still living with, please reach out to me and message me below or email me at secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. Thanks again. Until next time you.

[0:22:57] Brianne: Thanks again for listening to the show. Please subscribe rate share or send me a note@secretlifepodcast.com. And if you'd like to check out my book, head over to secretlifenovel.com or amazon to pick up a copy for yourself or someone you love. Thanks again. See you soon.

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Tess: I'm a Grateful Recovering Alcoholic

Mon, 13 Mar 2023 07:00:00 +0000

Grateful recovering alcoholic Tess shares her journey to sobriety and the role of addiction in coping with chaos. With raw honesty, she delves into the underlying issues driving her drinking and how recovery programs like AA have been a source of support and relatability. Alongside Secret Life host, Brianne Davis-Gantt, they dive into the role of ego in human behavior and how recovery has shifted their focus from self-serving to being of service to others. This thought-provoking episode sheds light on the struggles of addiction and inspires listeners to attend meetings and hear other people's stories to find support in recovery.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

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To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

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SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

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Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

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Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
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Secret Life Podcast - Ep 144 - Tess: I’m a Grateful Recovering Alcoholic

TRANSCRIPT

[0:00:00] Tess: Like, addiction, you know, life.

[0:00:01] Brianne Davis: What?

[0:00:02] Tess: Like, what are you talking about? And I'm like, Look, I don't I know you guys are like, a top rated place in the country, but you have no idea what you're doing. These are my exact words. I'm like, if I'm an addict or an alcoholic, and so is every other 23-year-old in La. Like, to write famous last words.

[0:00:21] Brianne Davis: Welcome to the Secret Life Podcast. Tell me your secret secret, I'll tell you mine.

Sometimes you have to go through the darkness to reach the light. That's what I did. After twelve years of recovery in sex and love addiction, I finally found my soulmate myself. Please join me in my novel, secret Life of a Hollywood Sex and Love Addict, a four time bestseller on Amazon. It's a brutal, honest, raw, gnarly ride, but hilarious at the same time. Check it out now on Amazon. Welcome to Secret Life Podcast. I'm Brianne Davis-Gantt. Today, I'm pulling back the curtains of all kinds of human secrets. We'll hear about what people are hiding from themselves and others. You know those deep, dark secrets you probably want to go to our grave with are those lighter, funnier secrets that are just plain embarrassing. Really, the how, what, when, where, and why of it all.

[0:01:25] Brianne Davis: Today guest is Tess. Now, Tess, I have a question for you. What is your secret?

[0:01:34] Tess: Hi, I'm Tess, and I am grateful for recovering alcoholic.

[0:01:39] Brianne Davis: Wow, I really liked that. That was very profession like. We were in a meeting.

[0:01:43] Tess: Thank you.

[0:01:46] Brianne Davis: Sometimes I have to say, when people used to say grateful and whatever their addiction was, I used to get annoyed with them.

[0:01:52] Tess: Oh, it's the worst at the beginning.

[0:01:54] Brianne Davis: When you don't understand, like, spare me. But I love it now. It's such yes, because I am a grateful, sex and love addict. And when I hear people say that, I'm like, OOH, that sounds gross, but it's a blessing. Do you find that 100%?

[0:02:11] Tess: I find that it's a blessing. It took me a little bit to get to that spot where I really did feel grateful and that it all happened kind of for a greater good, but definitely take some hard work to get to that place.

[0:02:24] Brianne Davis: So when did this problem start with you? With alcohol?

[0:02:28] Tess: Well, I'm 27 now. And you're a baby. I'm a baby. I'll have three years on October 13, which I'm really excited about. So I did get sober young, but I always hear in meetings, because we go to so many of them, that you kind of grow up in the rooms and either AA or NA or whatever program that you're in kind of teaches you how to live a sober, happy, healthy life. And I feel like sometimes we grow up and we don't learn those huge AHA moments, but I really feel like I have kind of grown up in this program.

[0:03:06] Brianne Davis: So when did the drinking start? For you? What age?

[0:03:10] Tess: I would say the first time I consciously remember drinking to life, what if I was upset or to numb? Kind of like that was 16, which I felt was kind of I don't want to say average. I mean, everyone's story is so different, but for me, it was 16, and then it really kind of took off next level when I was in college.

[0:03:30] Brianne Davis: So can you take us through that progression for you?

[0:03:34] Tess: Sure. I mean, growing up, my family is from Germany, and, you know, everything always looked kind of perfect from the outside. I was really good at making sure everything looked great.

[0:03:46] Brianne Davis: Life.

[0:03:46] Tess: I was good at school. I did all the extra curriculars. I have friends, I had a boyfriend, whatever it was, I always make sure it looks really pretty from the outside, and that's a really hard facade to keep up as things start kind of crumbling down beneath you. And I was in college when things kind of really started to spin out of control, and things really started to take it up a notch. So, yeah, that's kind of when I noticed that I had a really close friends of mine pulling me aside and say, hey, what's going on? This is getting out of hand.

[0:04:19] Brianne Davis: But what were those behaviors that they were noticing that was getting out of hand? Were you at parties? Would you just life?

[0:04:25] Tess: Yeah, I would be going out every single night, and I was always really good at making things look like I had it under control. Right. That's like the attic thing. No, I got it. It's all good. I got it. Don't worry about me. Everything's fine. And so I was really good at making it look like I had it under control until I didn't have it under control. So I would be going out every single night. I didn't think I was hurting anybody because it was like my own actions and my stuff. Right. That's the classic. I wasn't hurting anyone or doing anything, which is just so not true. So, yeah, I would say it took me about four years, and then I love to kind of escape.

[0:05:03] Tess: And if I was feeling a certain way on the inside, I had to find external validation and go out and have superficial friendships and superficial things to make me have that whole my stomach and in my heart feel complete. You know what I mean?

[0:05:20] Brianne Davis: Yeah, completely. Yes. So I love filling that void, that empty. I always say it's life, that empty part in your soul that we just keep filling it with attention, buying dresses, makeup, life, eating life. We just keep filling it. And it's insatiable. It never is full 100%. So do you feel like your pattern definitely was, like, out in clubs with superficial people? Life was that tied into it?

[0:05:52] Tess: All tied into it 100%. So that's part of the story. Right. And then I actually went to school in the south. I went to school in Dallas, and then I moved to La. Which then is just like the Super Bowls, kind of that kind of situation.

[0:06:05] Brianne Davis: And I really just come to La. It seems like we're just why we.

[0:06:11] Tess: Have such a great recovery program. They always say wherever there's high levels of addiction, there's great levels of recovery, which is true. Yeah.

[0:06:19] Brianne Davis: La is a breeding ground for that.

[0:06:22] Tess: That's so funny. Yeah. But I made my way to La. And I was there for eight months before I went to treatment, so that was a pretty fast descend, I would guess.

[0:06:31] Brianne Davis: So what was that bottom moment? There was a lot of things.

[0:06:39] Tess: I have a two part story. I went to treatment in January 2017, but I didn't necessarily go for addiction. I went for trauma, depression, and anxiety, because that, like, overwhelming. You know when you have that hole and it feels like it's eating up inside you? It was just getting so overwhelming.

[0:06:55] Brianne Davis: Yeah. Like a snake life. I wanted to peel my skin and crawl out of my skin.

[0:07:00] Tess: Exactly. So I just kind of felt like that, and it was kept growing and growing to the point where I just felt like if this is what life was like, I didn't want to do it anymore. I'm like, this isn't fun. This isn't a good time. I don't get the point. Life dark thoughts and things like that, but I was just like, I need help. The first time I voiced that, and that was eight months after La. But I still didn't think I was an addict or an alcoholic. I wasn't even going for that. That wasn't even crossed my mind. I was like, I just need to figure out how not to feel so shitty all the time. I didn't even think that drugs and alcohol were a correlation to that.

[0:07:37] Brianne Davis: Let me ask you a question, though. You said you just didn't want to be living anymore. Did you actually have suicidal thoughts or you just didn't want to be on this planet? Life, you were like, I'm kind of done.

[0:07:49] Tess: I just didn't get it. I was life so negative, and I just felt like everyone was always happy, had that friend or that happiness, and I was like, so I missed how to Be Happy 101 class. I missed a day of school or something because everyone seems to have figured it out but me. And so that's how I felt, but I didn't know that's. Just like the underlying any type of ism alcoholism or whatever, however they talk about it in meetings. That's kind of the thing of, like, am I not enough? I'm not good enough. Why does everyone have this but me? It's kind of all the same underlying system, right?

[0:08:21] Brianne Davis: Yeah, they all are the exact same.

[0:08:24] Tess: Yeah. So I went to treatment, but I just wanted to figure out not to be so miserable, you fill out those giant questionnaires when you get there. Like 40 pages, 50 pages of every question you could ever be asked. And I meet with the counselor for the first time, and he's like, okay, so we're going to put you on addiction track one. Like, addiction?

[0:08:43] Brianne Davis: What?

[0:08:44] Tess: What are you talking about? And I'm like, Look, I know you guys are, like, a top rated place in the country, but you have no idea what you're doing. These are my exact words if I'm an addict or an alcoholic, and so is every other 23 year old in La. To write famous last words.

[0:09:00] Brianne Davis: I love it. I love it when people come to my program and they're like, I don't have a problem. I just don't want to be with this person. Really? You're walking in the room, you kind of saying, you have a problem.

[0:09:11] Tess: So I had kind of no idea what it was all about, but I started learning a lot, right? Because whenever you're in a treatment program or somewhere for 30 days with no outside contact, all you do is you really get to focus on yourself and your issues and kind of like, what makes you tick. So I was really grateful for the opportunity. I was actually so excited to get to treatment because I remember I was like the drug driver that picks you up from the airport to take you to the center. I was like, don't take this the wrong way, but I've never seen someone so happy come here, right? He's like, all my people are kicking and screaming or upset. He just said, you just seem so happy. And I was life. Look, I know there's no way in the hell that I'm leaving this place worse off than when I came in, which was true. I learned so much, and it was incredible.

[0:09:55] Brianne Davis: Did you think it was that pink cloud moment? Did you have that where you're like, okay, this will be the answer? This will fix me?

[0:10:03] Tess: Yes, until treatment is a very protected area. And then they're like, well, you should do sober living. You should do aisle pieceway. Did all those things. And then I returned back to La. But then life started getting hard, and shit started happening, and life got really tough really quickly.

[0:10:19] Brianne Davis: I find that to be true. I find that the people that go to treatment and then there's always slips afterwards than if you just stay in where you are and then go to meetings, is it different? Exactly, because it's like taking you out of your it's safer in the treatment center, but then you have to come out and learn how to relive again in your life with these tools while you're still trying to go through this withdrawal and stuff. Am I right?

[0:10:50] Tess: Yeah. I was in treatment for 30 days, so I didn't have any withdrawals or anything at home. But then I went to sober living and did that I think for two weeks. And then I was like, look, my apartment is so close to here, I'm just going to stay there and I'll go to Iop and I'll do all the courses and that kind of stuff. So I did that until June. So that was February till June of more intensive therapy and stuff like that. But then life started getting really tough. I had a friend who died of a Fentanyl overdose at the end of June. He was like 23 years old. And that's when you're like, oh shit, this is real. This actually happens. And so that was a really hard thing to understand because it was someone so unassuming. You're like, oh, that person has it all together. They're doing great. You know what I mean?

[0:11:41] Brianne Davis: Yeah.

[0:11:42] Tess: And then that kind of was one of the reasons. And then I had two more instances. One where a really close friend of mine was also in the ICU because of drugs. And then the last one was I came home and my roommate was having some type of overdose from Xanax. And so I was like, if every single person in my life has been closest to me over the past, you know, ten months or so, however long it was, is like dying or nearly dead. Like, I just feel like I was dancing with the devil. And so like, that night after I went home from to my roommate and she was in the hospital, I was like, never again. I can't do this. Because I felt like I was next. So that was October 12, and then my sobriety date was October 13.

[0:12:30] Brianne Davis: Wow. What? So sad. But at the same time, that's such a God shot for you to like.

[0:12:38] Tess: Touch that God shot in your face.

[0:12:40] Brianne Davis: And it's like, this is going to be you next. Look at all these people around you and you have a chance to save yourself.

[0:12:46] Tess: And the beautiful part of that story is that both of those other two people are now sober as well.

[0:12:51] Brianne Davis: That makes me so nice.

[0:12:54] Tess: I know it's very full circle and it's very interesting, right?

[0:13:00] Brianne Davis: But here's a question that just hit me, and I don't know if you even know how to answer it, but you're younger than me. And I feel like I've been sober for eleven years now and sex and love addiction, but I feel like recently younger and younger people are coming into recovery programs. Twelve step and all that, because I feel like the younger generations are even more disconnected. Are you finding that true with your generation and everything going on?

[0:13:35] Tess: I don't know what it was like previously, obviously, but for right now there's definitely I'm not the only one. Look at it that way. There's definitely a lot of young women, cool women are meetings because I definitely go to women's meetings more. They're full people of all ages, young, older, the whole nine yards.

[0:13:56] Brianne Davis: Yeah, the gamut of people.

[0:13:58] Tess: Sure, there's everyone. But for me, I know getting sober was I had that hole, right? And I kept trying to fill it and nothing was ever filling it. And then when I started getting some clarity and some momentum about what was actually happening around me, the greatest shot that I have to live a life with someone that I'm proud of and I'm proud of who I am and the life of true happiness is to do it sober. And so I was really lucky that I got that revelation at a young point in life, because some people it takes a little bit longer and everyone has their own past and that's totally incredible. But for me, I was really fortunate that I picked it up very young.

[0:14:37] Brianne Davis: Yeah, I mean, my husband, which he talks about, but he got sober at 19.

[0:14:42] Tess: That's incredible.

[0:14:44] Brianne Davis: And he got sober at 19. But what I was talking about is life with the social media, everything being out there, all your personal stuff, this filter society we live in, where you put filters and you make it look perfect, I feel. And I'm getting the gist that more and more people are disconnected from their reality and living.

[0:15:08] Tess: I would agree, for sure. Which is why I love having these types of conversations. And it's interesting, right? Because I would think, what would it be like if I didn't have an outlet life? AA. Right? That's when you hear the really raw conversations, emotion, all the ups and the downs, life, you hear all of it. But if you don't have the privilege of having a program like that, where do you find that kind of support of that type of authenticity? I don't know. I feel like it would be difficult.

[0:15:36] Brianne Davis: I don't think it exists anywhere else, honestly, unless you're at a therapist office and you're sitting with a therapist. But a community where people come in and just tell all their shit and all their dirty laundry and they just put it out there and say, I am feeling empty and alone. I mean, where does people say that right now in society?

[0:15:57] Tess: I mean, 100% agree with you. I have no idea. That's why I think it's so amazing. And also just because this whole COVID quarantine shit that's been happening, it's been so wild. I have found that the people that have coped and dealt with it the best have been addicts or alcoholics or someone in a twelve step program because they know how to deal with chaos in some type of way.

[0:16:17] Brianne Davis: Yeah, and they turn it over when things are chaotic and we have no control. I mean, this whole situation sees that we have no control over anything in the world. Right?

[0:16:29] Tess: 100%.

[0:16:30] Brianne Davis: Or I always thought life, I make my path, I have control over all that stuff. And really we have no control. So it's like turn that over to God or your higher power or whatever you want to call it ASAP, because that's the only way exactly. You find serenity in peace life.

[0:16:49] Tess: I couldn't have said about it myself. I think people also being so willing to try to figure out a new solution in this time, like, okay, we can't go to physical meetings. We'll do zoom meetings, right? And now you can be anywhere, literally in your house, and connect to however many millions of meetings there are online right now, and just pop in and share your experience, strength, or hope with someone. And we figured it out, and we move forward. And I think that type of adaptability has been huge as well. My fiance is also in a program, and so I feel like every moment with him is a meeting, because that's what they always used to say, that it's just you need two people to have a meeting. That's all it is. It's true.

[0:17:24] Brianne Davis: I mean, my husband and I, our whole conversation almost every day is about, okay, can we turn that over? How are you feeling? You triggered me when you said this life. It's this whole other form of and it's so lovely to talk to you. I didn't know your fiance or you were engaged is also in a program. How is that as a couple? Can you explain to our listeners?

[0:17:47] Tess: It's beautiful. It's definitely a blessing because I feel like we both know how to properly communicate and not just say right, that you don't have your ups and downs and your fights and things of that nature. But I think we also met in treatment, so I'll preface that. But our stories definitely coincided on day one, and so we met in treatment, and I disconnected a little bit, and then kind of came full circle, and it's been pretty crazy. I mean, we both go to meetings. We both know what we're supposed to do. We have conversations, we talk about triggered if our feelings are hurt. We use eye statements. We don't try to blame. Not to say that it doesn't get into that we don't have fights and things like that, but it's definitely much more. I feel manageable, and I feel like you feel like you're on the same team. Does that make sense?

[0:18:38] Brianne Davis: Yeah, it's like you understand, you know.

[0:18:41] Tess: A partner, you know exactly what everyone's hearing. We're hearing the same message, and we try to live our life that way, which is amazing, because I feel like wherever our home is, it's so peaceful and serene. You can get to that point because, you know, everyone knows what they're supposed to be doing. Does that make sense?

[0:18:59] Brianne Davis: Right? And I also sometimes if we're having a conversation and we can't work it out, one of us are mostly him, we'll be like, I think you should call your sponsor, which I hate hearing that. I'm like, don't tell me to call my sponsor.

[0:19:14] Tess: It's so funny, but so true, because it's a thing.

[0:19:17] Brianne Davis: It's a thing. Don't tell me who to call. Or maybe don't take my inventory.

[0:19:22] Tess: Yeah, exactly. Don't take my inventory. But that's the best.

[0:19:26] Brianne Davis: Oh, my God. I remember we had that life a month ago, and I was like, don't tell me to call my sponsor. And then I was like, Damn, I need to call my sponsor.

[0:19:36] Tess: But more than 99% of the time, essentially, they're right. You're like, yeah, I definitely need to check in. But I was at a dinner the other night, and we were with another couple, and they were talking about how kind of like your partner is almost like your guru. Right. And just bear with me. That is kind of like they teach you things that you still need to learn and understand about yourself. And it's like, okay, if I am looking at this through a way of patience, I definitely need to be more understanding or see it through a different perspective. And so they challenge, I think, the parts of you that still need to be challenged to grow. So that's been the best for me.

[0:20:09] Brianne Davis: Yeah, I definitely think you pick someone that can trigger those things that you still need to look at, and it's your choice to lean in and do the work and take risks.

[0:20:19] Tess: Exactly.

[0:20:20] Brianne Davis: Because I believe if you don't work it out with a healthy partner, that you're just going to be replaying those scenarios with the next person.

[0:20:30] Tess: Exactly. You're going to replay the same tapes until you figure out how it goes. Yeah, the ego. Ego is happening. There's so much ego and everything that we do as humans, it's like, what best serves me. It's all about me, the whole thing. And then for the first time in my life, when I went through treatment or recovery, it's not so much about me. How can I be of service to you? That's really all it's about. Right. And the whole reason the program exists is so we can pass what we know and help another alcoholic or addict in need.

[0:21:02] Brianne Davis: Well, that's why I do this podcast. Honestly, I'm only doing it to help others that don't have a voice and don't know how to get out of their ego because they're edging. The edging gods got out. Exactly. And just so you're listening, listeners, everything we're saying, if you would have said to me, like, ten years ago, I would have laughed in your face.

[0:21:24] Tess: You can tell that we both done some level of work, because it's very understanding that if you would have said this to me at 21, I've been like, what are you on?

[0:21:31] Brianne Davis: Yeah, life, get out of here. It's a cult.

[0:21:34] Tess: It's 100% I'm like, I don't relate to any of this.

[0:21:39] Brianne Davis: And my last question for you, and it's for the listeners especially a younger 23 year old. 22 year old, 21 year old is struggling with excessive alcohol in the lifestyle and all that you encountered what would be your advice for them if they are finding that whole finding that they don't really like themselves or they don't know what's wrong?

[0:22:03] Tess: Well, it's interesting, right? Because I never once thought that it could possibly be due to alcohol. I was life. I actually felt better when I was drinking, but then I'd be coming home, and I feel hungover the next day, right? And then I would feel worse. And it was just the spiral. Spiral. I kind of felt like, you know, life in Wonderland when she falls down the rabbit hole, I felt like I was always in that free fall. I remember drawing that when they say, draw a picture of Disney figure that you feel like your life relates to. And that's what I drew. I just felt like I was always falling down. And so sometimes I feel like if you've never been around a or things of that nature, you necessarily wouldn't know. Sometimes people are like, hey, I heard your story, or, you want to come to a meeting with me? I didn't have any friends that were in recovery, obviously, because your circle, you kind of are who your circle is, right? People I was hanging around weren't talking about a meetings.

[0:23:02] Tess: That wasn't my conversation. And so it wasn't until it was such a blessing for people to go to treatment, and I went for literally depression, trauma, and anxiety. And it was so funny because when you were there, you're like, hi, I'm Ted. I'm an alcoholic addict. I was literally there for everything but physical pain because I didn't have any broken bones or major surgeries. So I was in every single program, like addiction, alcoholism, trauma, depression, anxiety, all these different things. But I learned so much from learning. That is how I learned that it was really alcohol and my relationship to alcohol and my relationship to myself that drove me to drinking. That was what I needed to look at. And so I think for me, I was turning to using and drinking because I didn't do the work yet. You know what I mean? I wasn't exposed to doing the work, and I guess I wasn't ready to, otherwise it would have happened earlier, but I had no idea how much work it would take to learn how to that's the only thing that fills the hole is doing the work.

[0:24:09] Brianne Davis: Oh, yeah.

[0:24:11] Tess: It's the only thing. And when I started doing that, then I started feeling better, and I was like, okay, this is directly correlated 100%.

[0:24:22] Brianne Davis: I always say that work you do on yourself, that nobody can take it from you. Nothing on the outside can take it. If your fiance or my husband leaves me or anything. The work you do on yourself is yours and yours alone.

[0:24:37] Tess: 100%. It's yours and yours alone for forever. Yeah. And that is such a strong thing, I think, and the ability to stay sober through hard things and that just keeps adding to that, you know what I mean? Now, it's what I'm most proud of and it's what I hold probably nearest and dearest to me, in terms of someone who's young and thinking that they might be struggling with the same things, I would suggest life hopping on a meeting and seeing if that's the space where you relate the most. Because it wasn't until I started hearing other stories where I really was like, oh, that's me. I saw myself and other people, I heard similar stories and I was like, hey, it's not the same exact thing, but I can relate to you. I can relate to the same underlying feelings. And that's just why I think the program is so special and why it's so great and help so many people. Because we're all kind of the same but different.

[0:25:29] Brianne Davis: No, we're all the same. We all have fears of abandonment. We all want to be loved, we all want to feel worthy. And all those things is humans want to feel for sure. Well, thank you for coming on and sharing your story with us.

[0:25:42] Tess: It is just thank you so much. For having me and I'm so grateful. For you for doing I'm so grateful for having this and being able to share the story on your platform. So thank you so much for having me.

[0:25:53] Brianne Davis: And if you want to be on the show, please email me at SecretLifepodcast@icloud.com. Until next time!

Thanks again for listening to the show. Please subscribe, write, share or send me a note at secretlifepodcast.com. And if you like to check out my book, head over to secretlefenovel.com or Amazon to pick up a copy for yourself or someone you love. Thanks again. See you soon.

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Amelia: I Kept My Abuse As A Child & As An Adult A Secret For Years

Mon, 06 Mar 2023 08:00:00 +0000

Have you ever wanted to share a secret but felt you couldn't? On the Secret Life Podcast, we explore the stories of people who have done just that and how their experience changed their lives. From hearing Brianne Davis talk about her journey in getting sober to listening to Amelia discuss her abusive relationship, we're here to make sure you know you're not alone. Tune in and start your journey to self-acceptance, connection, and freedom today.

*Trigger Warning: Please note that this episode contains the topic of suicide. Some people may find it disturbing.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

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To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

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SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

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To find more about Amelia, head over to https://selflovestory.com

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Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

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Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
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Transcript

[0:00:00] Amelia: Like, I think of Secret as, like, these energetic rocks that you carry in your heart, and the more that you hold on to them, the heavier life gets.

[0:00:17] Brianne Davis: Welcome to the Secret Life Podcast. Tell me your secret, I'll tell you mine.

Welcome to Secret Life Podcast. I'm Brianne Davis-Gantt. Today I'm pulling back the curtains of all kinds of human secrets. We'll hear about what people are hiding from themselves or others. You know, those deep, dark secrets you probably want to take to your grave. Or those lighter, funnier secrets that are just plain embarrassing. Really, the how, what, when, where, and why of it all. Today, my guest is Amelia. Now, Amelia, I have a question for you. Dun dun dun. What is your secret?

[0:01:30] Amelia: I love the drum roll. Thanks. Actually, I'm really proud to say today that my secret is I have no secret. I know. No, it wasn't always that way, though. It's a big reason why I love what you're doing with this podcast, because I definitely was a woman of many, many secrets for a long, long time.

[0:01:58] Brianne Davis: Well, first of all, I have to give you a gold star for putting all your crap out there. But my question for you is, when did you decide to let go of all that package?

[0:02:12] Amelia: And Secret Life would have to say letting go. Like I said, I had many secrets for years.

[0:02:22] Brianne Davis: Can you tell us some of your old secret?

[0:02:25] Amelia: Yeah. One of them was that I was abused a lot when I was a little girl, and I didn't share that. It's not because I didn't want to necessarily. It's just because our culture had me believe that I was okay life, it didn't matter. And that, oh, well, it happened a long time ago, so I don't need to look at that and I don't need to talk about it. Clearly, that was wrong.

[0:02:56] Brianne Davis: Clearly that stays in your body. And when you experience any kind of abuse, if you don't go through it and figure it out, it stays with you. I mean, mine did, for sure, and.

[0:03:08] Amelia: I had no idea that that was the case at all. And other ones that are kind of like lighter and fun and squirmy is like when I start to have feelings for a friend and life, romantic feelings for a friend, and I just put that all out there too. Now I make it a point, really, to not hold on to any secrets. And the reason why I decided to do that and I started letting them go for the last ten years. Now it takes a while sometimes to start letting them all go because I really learned that holding onto secrets, it holds our power and it has me walk through life heavier and unable to really enjoy connections with people or even my success because there's always that thing weighing you down. I think of secrets as like these energetic rocks that you carry in your heart, and the more that you hold on to them, the heavier life gets. And so once I started letting them go and feeling the difference that life could be being lighter and having more joy and connection and intimacy, that's when I was like, you know what? No more secrets. I'm putting it all out there and I'm freeing myself. It's really about freeing myself and also in freeing other people too.

[0:04:33] Brianne Davis: What do you mean?

[0:04:34] Amelia: Well, because it's like when I share something that's personal to me and another person can relate to it, maybe they share it too, and it frees them. Or even just hearing that they're not alone. It frees 100%.

[0:04:51] Brianne Davis: I mean, that's why I wanted to do this podcast. You know, I let go of this really big secret and I thought the world was going to end and nothing happened. I was like, Wait, nobody really cares? Not that they didn't care, but nobody was like, oh, shame on you, you're a horrible person. And it just made me realize how freeing that felt and it connected me to other people so much more. And that's why I want to do that.

[0:05:21] Amelia: Absolutely.

[0:05:22] Brianne Davis: But I want to ask, do you remember one of the first big secrets you let go of? Where you felt that weight kind of lift?

[0:05:31] Amelia: Oh, yeah. I want to say it was life ten years ago, and I was with some close friends and I don't remember what prompted me to share this, but I had actually I was in a very abusive relationship in college from life ages 19 to 21.

[0:05:52] Brianne Davis: Was it abusive emotionally or physically all?

[0:05:57] Amelia: It started off verbally and then mentally he would get in my head and then it eventually got really physical. And when it got physical, that's when I really, really felt trapped. And I didn't tell anybody. I was going to school, taking my test, hanging out with friends, acting like nothing was wrong.

[0:06:16] Brianne Davis: Why did you keep that a secret?

[0:06:21] Amelia: I don't even know. I was just so ashamed that people would know that I was so stupid enough to get into that situation. And I was also just so afraid of him that my life was consumed by my fear of him and by trying to not make him mad and trying to just make sure that he stays happy. And then when he was mad, it would be a big blow up. So my life was also just consumed by that as well, that I couldn't really I didn't have time to really tell anybody else. But then I didn't want my friends or my family or people to look at me a certain way or be disappointed in me or think like, oh, you're supposed to be smart and you're supposed to know what you're doing and how did you end up in this relationship? And he also would convince me to not tell people life, oh, are you really going to let people know that I'm a horrible person? You know that I'm not bad, you know that I love you and that's.

[0:07:29] Brianne Davis: How manipulative it's like mind game and I love you. I didn't mean but I do have a question about that and I'm curious. Do you think the mental and emotional abuse was worse than the physical or I know all of it is bad, I just want to know which was harder for you to move past.

[0:07:48] Amelia: Definitely the mental and the emotional because that gets deep in the soul and deep in all the cracks of my insecurities. And also I think that's what broke me down to even get to the point where it got physical. And one thing that I say to people about this because people don't understand like, oh, well if he hits you then you can just leave. It's not that simple. Life. Abusive relationships go on for as long as they do because it's like a little by little conditioning that happens that then just becomes a habit. And then it's like, this is just how the relationship is. And it's like all this pile of shame built on top and secret and lies and trying to hide. And then it becomes this really big convoluted web that feels really hard to get out of.

[0:08:41] Brianne Davis: Yeah, you're life isolated and alone because you're not sharing that with anybody. I also had a really good friend a long time ago. Her husband almost killed her and went to jail. And as soon as he got out, she went and went back to him and no one could understand. But when I talked to her, she said the exact same thing. It was like this complex situation that all this shame and isolation and all that.

[0:09:08] Amelia: Yeah, it really becomes a really strong attachment that it doesn't make logical sense, but if there's like a conditioning around it that's like, this is what I know, so this is what I'm going to go back to and oh gosh, I have such empathy for that, to go back to that person. But thankfully for me, I definitely broken away from him for good. But actually I did go back again.

[0:09:36] Brianne Davis: You did?

[0:09:38] Amelia: Briefly for a couple of night fling.

[0:09:43] Brianne Davis: Did anybody know about that or is that actually secret?

[0:09:46] Amelia: No, that's the secret we got. You.

[0:09:52] Brianne Davis: Not like that's a great thing. No, but I'm saying we all have these little things we just don't tell people. And you think you're life light and free and done with secrets, but really? We still hold secrets sometimes.

[0:10:05] Amelia: Yeah, no, I said I have no secret, knowing that I probably do, but yeah, so we can always uncover or something. But yeah, actually, as I was saying it to you, I was like, oh, my gosh, I actually never told anyone about that. So that's technically a secret. Well, now I told you, so now it's out there.

[0:10:26] Brianne Davis: Now you're free of it. But you were talking about the moment, that moment where you let that big one go. I think it was about this relationship.

[0:10:34] Amelia: Yeah. And the other big part of that secret was that when I was in such a desperate moment to get away from him, when he was really like, berating me and emailing me and texting me and calling me and I was trying to get away, like, I really was. And he was saying things like, you're worthless and you should just kill yourself, and you're so selfish, and all these life terrible bad names that start with B's and C's and FS and all of that. And I was so desperate, I didn't know what to do. I just went to the store and I bought all this ad bill and pills and nightclub and I drank a bunch of it and I just wanted to get away. I didn't want to take my life. It was an interesting thing to explain to the doctors because as soon as I did that, I immediately went to a friend and I was like, I need you to take me to the hospital. This is what I just did.

[0:11:35] Brianne Davis: Right.

[0:11:37] Amelia: And so that was the other big part of the secret that I let go in that moment. And I think that's probably what sparked me to say that, because I think it was a group of close friends and we were just like, naturally revealing stuff to each other. And someone mentioned something about thoughts of suicide and things like that. And I mentioned I attempted it once and so then I told them the whole story and why, but it was really like a cry for help for me because I did not want to take my life. I just wanted to do something to be like, leave me alone. Kind of like a scream for help.

[0:12:15] Brianne Davis: I mean, I remember my first year when I was getting sober in my program. I didn't want to be on this earth. I didn't want to commit suicide, but I definitely wanted to crawl out of my skin, not be on this earth because the pain and everything I was experiencing was too much. And it sounds like similar thing. You were in this painful situation with this person that was abusing you and you could not get out of it, and you just didn't want to be here anymore for that.

[0:12:44] Amelia: Yeah, I love that. Thank you for describing it that way because it just sounded weird to me to be like, okay, so you went to the store, you bought all this stuff, but you didn't want to commit suicide. And it was like, no, I just didn't want to feel the pain anymore. I just wanted him to stop. And he wouldn't stop. If I was crying, if I was screaming, if I was hitting at him, throwing things, life, stop, stop. He would not stop. And so, yeah, I just didn't want to feel that anymore. Yeah. So hard. Dark times.

[0:13:16] Brianne Davis: Dark times. And listen, I'm sure the listeners, we all have them, we've all been through our own journeys, but I think that's beautiful that you cried for help and then you shared it. And that moment of letting go, was it euphoric or was there, like, a crash afterwards?

[0:13:39] Amelia: I definitely think one of my favorite terms is vulnerability hangover, where after you share something really deep and real and the next day you're like, oh, my gosh, did that just happen? I believe I probably had a little bit of that the next day. But in the moment, to be with those close friends and to be received with love, and they didn't try to fix anything or change anything or even say anything. It was just to be heard and witnessed and loved. I mean, that yeah, it felt as euphoric as like as if there was a big boulder on my chest and someone finally lifted it off. I felt like I could load for a second because it was like, oh, my gosh, I let that go. Yeah. Even just describing it, I feel it again, and I'm just like, that's so good. It feels so good.

[0:14:31] Brianne Davis: It's the best feeling. And when I was even asking people to be on this, they're life. I'm not comfortable sharing it. And I'm saying this to you, I'm not saying who these people were, but I was like, you will feel so much better, life. No one will know it's you. I promise. It will be so much lighter. And they're like, I'm not ready. And I was like, okay. To each his own.

[0:14:51] Amelia: Yeah, absolutely. I think when we're carrying so much, like I said, I used to have a lot of secret, and I was just so used to it. But I think when that first big boulder got removed, it was like, oh, I can do this. And I think, too, the thing to remember is you don't want to tell the world everything. I think it's also knowing who is safe and who will be there to witness their secret. Or even on a podcast like this, where you can be anonymous. I think that's also very healing, where it's like hundreds of people can hear it and they don't even have to know it's you. But even just saying it out loud is so freeing. Yeah, absolutely.

[0:15:39] Brianne Davis: So you said you've gone through this process and you've let go of all these secrets, and it's been years, life. My journey has been like, eleven years. And so each time you did it, what came about? Is there something specific? Like, each time you let go, you felt, like, a little different?

[0:16:00] Amelia: Yeah. Each time I let go, even if it was like little ones or big ones, I would feel a little bit freer, a little bit lighter, a little bit life, more possibility, a little bit more loved. Especially if I was letting it go to someone, another human being, and then having them just witness it and hear it. It just was like, there's just that moment where I'm like, I can really let that go now. I really don't have to carry that and have that in the back of my mind, because the energy that it takes to hide these things, we don't think it takes a lot of energy until we do let it go, and we're like, whoa, that would take a lot of energy.

[0:16:47] Brianne Davis: It takes so much energy, and it also keeps you so disconnected from other people. That's what I felt like I felt every time I had a secret. Even if it was like a teeny thing you would never thought would keep you separate from someone, but it does.

[0:17:02] Amelia: It's kind of like where you have the pebble in your shoe and no one else can see it, and you could easily pretend to walk and be like, whatever else, I don't feel like taking my shoe off right now, so I'll just keep walking. But little by little, it'll start to get at your foot and eventually probably cut it up or just be really uncomfortable. And it's not impossible to walk with that, and no one else will know unless you're like, there's a pebble in my shoe. So it's kind of like that, but it's really annoying. And the more you walk with it, the worse it'll feel over time, until you're finally like, oh, my gosh, I lost a toe. I guess I should have removed that pebble a long time ago.

[0:17:44] Brianne Davis: Or you get, like, a callus, and then it starts life building up that hard skin as I was like, you're building up that hard shell on your outside. People are like, please don't talk about feet right now. But that's what I keep thinking of.

[0:17:58] Amelia: Life.

[0:17:58] Brianne Davis: Every little secret, every little lie just builds a shell around yourself.

[0:18:04] Amelia: Yes. And yeah, you might be, quote, unquote, protected. However, it's also keeping you from life. The love and the joy and connection you can feel. And even with the closest people in your life, that actually adds to the pain. So now you're carrying this weight of all these rocks for, like, mixing metaphors here, but you're carrying the weight of all these rocks, but now you're wearing all these layers, and you're just underneath all these layers, and you can't actually feel people anymore to the extent that you're but then you get used to it. And then you wonder, why am I so unhappy? Life there could be alone.

[0:18:42] Brianne Davis: Why am I so alone? Why do I feel uncomfortable?

[0:18:47] Amelia: And it's like, well, years and years of conditioning yourself to build those layers and carry those rocks and that weight. That's why it's myself. Just let it go.

[0:18:57] Brianne Davis: But here's my question for you, because I know you're starting to work with this, like, self love and helping people find their authentic, true selves. But my question for you and I always and I already kind of know the answer when I answer it myself, but from your perspective, when people are struggling, why do they have so much trouble asking for help when they have these secrets that they know they need help with? Why can't people ask for help?

[0:19:26] Amelia: Well, I think one of the big things is we're conditioned not to. I mean, from the time at least here in the United States, because this is where I went to school from the time you're in first grade, you're conditioned not to cheat, quote, unquote, which means you're conditioned not to ask other people for help. Like from the time we're six years old, we're taught, oh, if you ask someone else for help, that means you weren't good enough to do it on your own. And I think our schooling system, a lot of our schooling systems condition us that way and our culture, too. It's like there's this sense of pride and life completing something on your own and doing it all yourself, and this belief that asking for help is a sign of weakness and also just the vulnerability of sharing your true, authentic emotions. Life it's interesting how when we talk about if I'm crying, that means I'm falling apart or crying is weakness. So there's all these associations that we have with things that are actually really natural, but then we attach like a negative meaning to it. And actually, one of my friends, we were talking about something random today because the time that we're recording this, it's raining here in New York City, which is where I am right now. And we were talking about how, oh, it's so ugly outside. And then we were like, isn't that interesting how rain and thunderstorms are so natural, yet we call it ugly.

[0:20:49] Brianne Davis: Oh, I don't I love when it rains. I love weather storms. But that is interesting because people are like, oh, it's gross outside. And I'm like, the earth is cleaning itself. I think it's beautiful, right?

[0:21:02] Amelia: And I think thunderstorms are with the darkness and then the lightning and the sound, it's beautiful. But it's interesting. Life, when we notice as something as simple as the weather, that we attach a negative meaning to something that's natural. So crying, feeling sad, feeling angry, feeling jealous, feeling greedy, life, all of those things are natural things. And then it's like, oh, if you're crying, you're falling apart, you're weak if you're sad. And that's showing your weakness. And that means that they win life, there's just this win, lose, good, bad.

[0:21:36] Brianne Davis: Instead of it just being neutral, just is what it is. You're sad today. You're feeling your feelings today. And the beautiful thing and I'm trying to teach my son, too, that we're talking about life, feeling your emotions and crying that I allow him to cry. I'm like, I know you're upset. It's okay, because I don't want those feelings to get trapped in him. Like, it happened to me, it's happened to other especially young boys.

[0:22:03] Amelia: Yeah, absolutely. Especially. That's so beautiful. I love that.

[0:22:09] Brianne Davis: But here's the next question. I only have a couple more, but what do you think the benefit is that people keep secrets? And what do you think the harm it causes them, from your perspective?

[0:22:27] Amelia: The benefit of keeping secrets is you avoid the negative reaction or the backlash that you will get. That's kind of why a little bit earlier I mentioned about there is such a thing as, like, revealing too much and also revealing to the wrong people. And so I think we keep them because we don't know how the other person is going to react. And I'm reminded of a wonderful Brene Brown quote about vulnerability, where it's like vulnerability is about showing up authentically exactly as you are. I'm paraphrasing, even though we don't know what the outcome is going to be. And so the benefit, though, life, for example, life, me not telling a friend that I've fallen in love with him, the benefit is that I don't have to face potential rejection if he doesn't feel the same way.

[0:23:16] Brianne Davis: Right, right.

[0:23:18] Amelia: But the harm it does is that's another rock that I'm holding on to. And also he doesn't know that someone loves him in that way. So I think any secret you could probably find life a benefit and a harm.

[0:23:35] Brianne Davis: Right.

[0:23:35] Amelia: And so with my big secret, the benefit I guess I got was I didn't know what would happen if everybody knew that I was in this abusive relationship life. What were they going to be? Cops coming to my house and people asking me all kinds of questions and being like, why did you get together with him? Why didn't you tell us sooner? I think we just make up this we think of the worst case scenario of what could happen when we reveal the secret. And so we want to avoid that worst case scenario, and that's why we don't reveal. And so we think that's a benefit, but really it's the harm. Yeah, and then the harm, there's harm to yourself because you're holding on to it. That pebble that's going to eventually cut you up or create calluses and stuff. And also, there's so many ways that it could harm other people in your life as well.

[0:24:29] Brianne Davis: And my last question for you is if someone else was going through the situation that you went through, or what would be the advice, like, letting go of your secrets for people.

[0:24:40] Amelia: Yeah, I really love this question and the first tiniest step you can do is admitting the secret to yourself. Even if you say it out loud to yourself. Or maybe it's even too hard to say it out loud, although that's what I would recommend because hearing your own voice and feeling it released from your body physically will also release it. You don't necessarily have to tell someone else, but even if you just life write it down at first. For me, when I'm feeling sad, sometimes it's really melancholy because I have life a tendency towards melancholy and sometimes I just have to say out loud, like to myself in my room, like I'm sad, I'm really sad or I'm heartbroken. And even just saying it out loud to myself relieves a lot of that weight. And so I would say don't feel pressured to life, tell the world or hop on a podcast or scream from the come on, but also definitely come onto the podcast. But I'll say a tiny step, right, would be to first admit it to yourself. And then I think from there a natural next step would be who's a trusted friend or trusted advisor or mentor that you can reveal it to. Because I will say too, revealing it to another human being is so freeing. So more than admitting it to yourself and you can say to them, I just need you to listen and love me, I don't need a solution, I don't need a fix or whatever, right? But just please, while you sit, I'm about to reveal something that's really big and just have them witness and love you through it. But first step to yourself if it feels like too much and then get on brief show.

[0:26:37] Brianne Davis: Yes. Then come on and reveal it to me because I have no judgment.

[0:26:42] Amelia: Exactly.

[0:26:43] Brianne Davis: Well, if people wanted to find you, find out what you're doing now to build the self love to letting go of past trauma, where would they find you?

[0:26:52] Amelia: Yeah, absolutely. So my website is selflovestory.com. So just all one word, selflovestory.com. And when you go there, there's a ton of free resources. I actually just revamped my website where you can look at three different categories dating and relationships, career and business or money and abundance. And when you click whichever category you want, there's like free videos, podcasts, blogs, all kinds of just free resources there for you to devour. And I'm really happy because this is a recent new revamp of my website. I know sometimes it takes a lot to reach out to someone. There's always a possibility to reach out to me through my website, but I know that that's a big step sometimes. So I like to just give the resources that you can read and listen to and there's a lot, a lot there for you.

[0:27:45] Brianne Davis: Well, thank you so much for coming on and sharing your past secret and also revealing a new secret that you didn't even know you were carrying.

[0:27:54] Amelia: I know you're really good at this. Definitely get on the show, guys. Well, thank you.

[0:28:00] Brianne Davis: I appreciate it so much.

[0:28:02] Amelia: You're welcome. Thank you for having me on.

[0:28:05] Brianne Davis: And if you want to be on the show, please email me at SecretLife Podcast@icloud.com. Until next time.

Thanks again for listening to the show. Please subscribe rate, share or send me a note at secretlifepodcast.com. And if you would like to check out my book, head over to secretlifenovel.com or Amazon to pick up a copy for yourself or someone you love. Thanks again. See you soon.

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Alexandra: I Suffered Verbal Abuse in My Marriage

Mon, 27 Feb 2023 08:00:00 +0000

Alexandra and Brianne explore the hidden epidemic of verbal abuse. Hear Alexandra’s story of marriage, trauma, and recovery. Gain insight into how to identify and escape verbal abuse. Learn ways to process the experience and regain joy. From understanding the danger of verbal abuse to setting healthy boundaries, this podcast offers a necessary and empowering journey of healing.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

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To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

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SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

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ABOUT OUR GUEST:

Alexandra Eva-May is a divorcee, podcast host, wellness warrior, mental health advocate, new mother, survivor of infertility, writer, blogger, motivational speaker and recently, a best-selling author of the book, Her Awakening. You can grab your copy on Amazon!

For more info: https://www.thesplendidpath.com/

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Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

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Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
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Transcript

[0:00:00] Alexandra: So for me, like, for a long time after, like, any kind of conflict with a man is just like hugely triggering. Because my experience was this will lead to someone saying these awful things to you.

[0:00:18] Brianne Davis: Welcome to the Secret Life Podcast. Tell me your secret, I'll tell you mine.

Sometimes you have to go through the darkness to reach the light. That's what I did. After twelve years of recovery in sex and love addiction, I finally found my soulmate myself. Please join me in my novel, Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex and Love Addict. A four time bestseller on Amazon. It's a brutal, honest, raw, gnarly ride, but hilarious at the same time. Check it out now on Amazon. Welcome to see your life podcast. I'm Brianne Davis-Gantt. Today, I'm pulling back the curtains of all kinds of human secrets. We'll hear about what people are hiding from themselves or others. You know, those deep, dark secrets you probably want to take to your grave. Or those lighter, funnier secrets that are just plain embarrassing.

[0:01:19] Brianne Davis: Really, the how, what, when, where and why would it all. Today. My guest is Alexandra. Now, Alexandra, I have a question for you. Duhn, Duhn Duhn. What is your secret?

[0:01:33] Alexandra: So my secret is that when I was married, I was suffering verbal abuse silently within my marriage and I didn't tell anyone that it was my secret.

[0:01:45] Brianne Davis: How long did that go on for?

[0:01:47] Alexandra: It was over the extent of the marriage and the marriage wasn't very long. I was married for about a year, I guess, that we were together, living together. The marriage continued. Like, we didn't get a divorce right away, but we were together for about a year and it went on throughout kind of the whole time.

[0:02:03] Brianne Davis: How long were you guys together, though, before you got married together?

[0:02:09] Alexandra: We were together probably before the marriage, I think it was six or seven years.

[0:02:14] Brianne Davis: Oh, wow. So you waited.

[0:02:19] Alexandra: We started dating when we were, I think we were like 23, 22, 23. So young. Yeah, and then we just kind of dated. We even lived together for three years before we got married. And then we got married and then it started happening. So it was crazy.

[0:02:39] Brianne Davis: You know, that's so fascinating because I thought, honestly, you were going to say after you said that you guys were together for like six months and then you got together and got married and I was like, oh, did you not know the person? Because I feel like a lot of people rush into things not knowing. But you knew the person.

[0:02:56] Alexandra: Yeah. And the thing with what I experienced, he could be that way with, say, friends or even family members, but he never did it to me. So in my young, immature, naive brain, I thought, well, he's not doing it to me, so it's okay. Well, he's never okay. And that would be like one thing I would say to any man or woman because it can happen to anyone.

[0:03:21] Brianne Davis: Yes.

[0:03:22] Alexandra: What they do to other people or what they say to other people. And in my context of man. So, like, what a man does to other people or women he will do to you in your marriage even if he's not doing it before when you're dating, it will eventually you will become the target.

[0:03:38] Brianne Davis: Can you give me some examples? Because I know people are listening out there and even if they're experienced it, there's something about we downplay it to ourselves because we don't want to believe that it's happening for sure.

[0:03:51] Alexandra: So when it was happening throughout my life, nobody had spoken to me like that or treated me like that ever. So when it started to happen that way, it just felt so foreign. I didn't know how to make sense of it. So again, yeah, I just kind of downplayed it in my mind. But it was subtle things. Like subtle, like sarcastic, jabs, passive aggressive comments. But it can also be really overt things. Like with him, like being called a bitch or being told, like, there's something inherently wrong with you. And so it's like these we sometimes say these things very loosely, I guess. But when it's targeted at you from the person that's supposed to love you the most, it's so unsettling and it just unsettles your idea about yourself.

[0:04:34] Brianne Davis: Yeah.

[0:04:39] Alexandra: It would come when there was a conflict in the relationship and he was in a place of stress and that's how he dealt with it. I understand. So for me, for a long time after, any kind of conflict with a man is just, like, hugely triggering. Because my experience was this will lead to someone saying these awful things to you.

[0:04:58] Brianne Davis: Yeah. Because you guys were together for six years and you saw him call, like, other people bitches or talk bad about other people in his life or coworkers or whatever. Right?

[0:05:11] Alexandra: Yeah, it could be, say, I have seen it. He would talk about not my female friends, necessarily, but, like, female sometimes that were strong will and he would say, called him a bitch. And at the time, like I said, it's not okay. It's never okay to use that language towards anybody, especially women. But like I said, I was young, I was naive, I was in love. And I kind of was like, oh, well, he doesn't mean it. He doesn't actually believe it. But now, looking back, he probably did. And eventually I became the target.

[0:05:50] Brianne Davis: So why do you think that happened? Because you were finally, completely committed to him and, like, the marriage. Do you even remember the first time it happened?

[0:06:01] Alexandra: Sort of like I kind of do. Yes, actually, I do. It was about, I think, three months in and I can't remember the specific incident. It's crazy. I can remember because it led to trauma. I can very much remember how I felt. And I can relive moments of the moment, but I can't remember all the details, which is kind of interesting.

[0:06:24] Brianne Davis: Not really, because we black it out when there's trauma or ptsd, when there's, like, a bad breakup or bad toxic relationship that creates trauma in our body, and we cut off some of our memory to make it easier for our psyche to handle.

[0:06:40] Alexandra: Yeah. Three months in. Like I said, it just is so foreign. And it's just like, all of a sudden, it's like being hit without being hit, and then you have this invisible wound, but no burgess to show for it. That's how I kind of look at it. So it kept happening. And then eventually, when we did split up, I had so much trauma. And I just thought it was from the end of my marriage, because it was quite sudden, which was very it was traumatic itself. But there was so much trauma for years that was just about the verbal abuse. And I didn't realize that actually till like, a year ago when I was having I would have sometimes conflict with my partner, which we do. Like in a relationship, we have conflict. And I would have these massive overreactions.

[0:07:28] Brianne Davis: Over hysterical historical hysterical historical.

[0:07:37] Alexandra: Classic trauma reactions. Like, I would need to go to an enclosed space. I would close the bathroom door. I would flee, get a fight fight or flight fight.

[0:07:53] Brianne Davis: I always ran to the bathroom and shut the door whenever I was in conflict.

[0:07:58] Alexandra: Yeah. And then it would get to the point. Also, sometimes I would fight. I would just react extreme. And then I just sat in that and we sarah and he was like, Why am I reacting? And I realized I still had a lot of trauma to work through. And my trigger, like I said, was a conflict with any man, because with ix, I would either be called back or I would just avoid conflict altogether to avoid kind of that aggression coming at you. Yeah. And for him, he dealt with stress, like I said, anxiety and anger by lashing out. I'm not saying it's okay, but it helped me understand the whole experience, I guess.

[0:08:41] Brianne Davis: Do you know if his parents fight like that or he was raised well.

[0:08:47] Alexandra: His story his dad wasn't around, and I'm not sure, growing up how his family relationship was, but I would imagine he thought somewhere that it became okay.

[0:09:02] Brianne Davis: Or when it became normalized.

[0:09:05] Alexandra: Yeah. And in his life, too, because, like I said, I would sometimes see it with friends or whoever, and people kind of they didn't expect it from us, but they just are like, oh, that's just like him. It's okay. It's just him. And I think sometimes with people that have damaging behaviors or toxic behaviors or abusive behaviors, there's not enough people that say it's not okay.

[0:09:29] Brianne Davis: Usually it's hard. It's hard. I think, when you just said earlier, and I want to go back to it, that it was like getting punched, but you don't see the bruise. And that's what I always say, like, those toxic behaviors, those toxic relationships when they're not physical, not that either is worse than the other, but it's like a million little cuts that you don't see that you're killing yourself with. Like someone's doing these little cuts all over you and you're bleeding out and you have no idea, and you can't see it 100%.

[0:10:04] Alexandra: And I'm a big reader. I try to reading things. And after our relationship ended, I read this book. I think it's called The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans. I believe that's the title. And she listed off all these different ways someone could be verbally abusive. And some of it's like that outright swearing at you, that kind of thing. But it's like little stuff, like yeah, like sarcastic comments about any kind of aspirations you have, or passive aggression or stonewalling gas lighting. Gas lighting. It's all kind of part of that. And I realized he didn't check off all the boxes, but it was a lot more than I even realized myself. And when I actually sat down and I remember one day after I wrote in my journal everything, I could remember all the different things he had said. And I couldn't believe the list that I compiled because I think in the moment when it was happening, I just tried to not black it out, but forget it real fast. The secret, I guess I didn't tell anybody till after because I was really ashamed. So I think and I think this is for, like, a lot of abuse survivors, whether it's physical or emotional, financial or verbal, we feel shame because we actively, I guess, chose this relationship.

[0:11:25] Alexandra: We've got along with it, and even though someone's treating us badly, we continue to stay.

[0:11:31] Brianne Davis: Yeah.

[0:11:32] Alexandra: And so there's a shame that you're continuing to stay because abuse isn't black and white. Like this person that's doing these awful things. When you're being abused, you don't look at them as, like, a monster. You look at, like, their behavior. Like, this is like when you make.

[0:11:45] Brianne Davis: Excuses and you, oh, he had a bad day at work. He lost his job. We couldn't pay that bill. You always make excuses and then you try to turn towards the moments. Oh, but he was so loving the day before. Or, he bought me that sweater or something. Yeah.

[0:12:02] Alexandra: And if you have money I realized in this episode, I even made excuse. I was like, when he was stressed, he would do this. Which is kind of an excuse because.

[0:12:08] Brianne Davis: It'S never yeah, you said it three times. She said it three times. You're still trying to justify the abuse. And you're like, I know, I understand. He's probably going through a lot. And it's like, no, he didn't.

[0:12:26] Alexandra: Even pass that. I realized what he did and that it was wrong. And sitting here making excuses. So I think you feel shame, or at least I did, because well, first of all, if you tell people, if you start telling people they're going to tell you to leave, they're going to right away say leave. And maybe you're not in a position to leave, whether it's like kids or whatever.

[0:12:46] Brianne Davis: And financial.

[0:12:49] Alexandra: You'Re just, like, not ready to throw in a towel or something.

[0:12:51] Brianne Davis: Or a love addict. There's a lot of people that stay in those relationships because they're addicted to that person.

[0:12:58] Alexandra: Yeah. And for me, well, I was raised in a Catholic family, so I had that. We were married, and I wasn't super young, but I was, like, 29, which is young, is in the marriage sector. I wasn't 50 or anything. So I also felt like I couldn't leave because I just sort of gotten married, and I felt like I was young to be going through a divorce. And there was a lot of shame with a divorce itself. And I felt so shamed that someone was treating me like this. And I let it be okay, sort of because I didn't leave.

[0:13:35] Brianne Davis: Yeah, but here's the thing, and I also is it because you were just married, too? Because it happened pretty quick. Usually it doesn't happen so fast.

[0:13:45] Alexandra: Yeah, that was kind of crazy because.

[0:13:48] Brianne Davis: I remember someone that was in a bad relationship and they just got married, and she's like, we just spent all this money on the wedding. And I was like, who cares? But it's hard to tell someone when they're wanting something to work so badly.

[0:14:02] Alexandra: Well, yeah, and like I mentioned earlier, we had been together for six or seven years, lived together for three years, and so, like, people exactly, they were like, didn't you know? Like, how could you not know? And even my mom asked me that. Like, how could you not know? And it was like, well, yeah, I saw the sign, but I was never the victim. I was never the target until we got married. And then, yeah, like you said, it happened so fast. So I felt like, how could I get married and then just split up so fast? I would feel so embarrassed about it. Even though you're right, like, who cares?

[0:14:35] Brianne Davis: Now?

[0:14:35] Alexandra: I don't care if I ever ended that relationship again, I will leave like this.

[0:14:40] Brianne Davis: But you're right, you can't tell people to leave, because I work with a lot of people, and I can't ever tell them to leave. I can say, I suggest this. This is what should be. This is how you should talk. But you can't make someone leave a bad situation. You just can't.

[0:14:55] Alexandra: And sometimes I think you're also so connected to that person, and so you protect them. That's the big thing with abuse, too. We protect our abusers. And so someone's saying you should just leave sometimes feels like a bit of an attack, even though you're not you're trying to help and you're trying to tell them, no, you need to go. But I think if you're suffering it at the time, it can feel, and then you can just turn into the relationship more. Because you're like oh, yeah.

[0:15:23] Brianne Davis: Because you're like, yeah, you stick it out, and then you kind of start blocking out other people and just trying to focus, like, fixing this relationship, which you can't fix the person. Right. Did you do that towards the end or anything?

[0:15:36] Alexandra: No, I think because I hadn't experienced abuse in my life. I was raised by relatively healthy parents, and my friends were all very healthy for the most part in life.

[0:15:48] Brianne Davis: Come on, come on, please. I believe everybody has some sort of ism. Everybody goes some place where they don't want to feel their feeling.

[0:15:59] Alexandra: That's true. Yes.

[0:16:00] Brianne Davis: Don't believe her. everybody's got problems.

[0:16:05] Alexandra: Yeah, that's true. But I just had never been abused. I guess I just didn't have that understanding. So when it was happening, it was just so boring, and it was just felt so extreme. So for me, instead of trying to fix him, I weathered it for a while, and I thought in my head, maybe this will change. I didn't do anything on my end to change him. I guess I just thought, maybe it will stop. And then just like, it didn't. And I was just like and at one point, it just like in one of our interactions, it was an episode of verbal abuse, and I was just like I had been kind of pushing it down and pushing it down, just dealing with it, and then I literally exploded. I remember that incident. I was just like, you know what? I want a divorce. And then I just got my stuff and I left.

[0:16:54] Brianne Davis: Wait, you're the one that asked for divorce?

[0:16:57] Alexandra: Yeah.

[0:16:58] Brianne Davis: So what happened that got you to a place where you were like, Enough. What was that moment?

[0:17:05] Alexandra: Well, I think it's like that fight or flight for the whole time it was happening, I was like, or avoiding. Right? Like, I was avoiding it, and I was, like, pushing it down. I guess I wasn't flying away, so I wasn't doing flight, but I was just, like, avoiding it.

[0:17:19] Brianne Davis: Right.

[0:17:19] Alexandra: And then that pushing down, eventually it kind of exploded in this incident. And that was like, the flight. Like, I want I want a divorce, but also flight because I just left.

[0:17:27] Brianne Davis: Right.

[0:17:27] Alexandra: But then I always thought in my head I might go back, even though I had said those words and I had laughed. I thought, well, maybe people reconcile, and maybe this will be the moment where he'll like, okay, I need to go to therapy and I figure this out. But he never really did, and he never really put in like, he I imagine in his mind, he thought he fought for the relationship after the marriage, but I didn't feel it. And so after we split up because it didn't there were still episodes of, like, sarcasm and passive aggression, and so I just kind of never went back. And then we had talks and stuff, but I just never returned to the marriage. And I just realized that I wanted not only more for myself, but I wanted kids. So I thought, if I'm going to have children, there's no way I would ever want them to be spoken to like that from their father. So if I want children, I need to end this marriage and seek out another relationship or whatever that looks like. And also just for me, even if I never had kids or never had another relationship, it's way better to be alone and feel sane and happy and healthy versus in a relationship where someone is making you not only not feel loved, but also, like, you start hating yourself. It was great. At the end of the relationship, I would talk to my best friend and just like, the words I was saying what myself were just so untrue.

[0:18:53] Brianne Davis: Like, what were you saying?

[0:18:54] Alexandra: So I was saying things like, I would be telling her stories, and then I would pause, like, but I'm just like, I'm not a good communicator. And she saw you, alex, my job as a teacher. I'm an elementary teacher. She's like you're a teacher. You talk the whole pace like you're not a bad communicator. Oh, okay. That's weird. Why am I saying this? Or maybe things like, I'm quite a sensitive person. She's like you're not. You're not sensitive.

[0:19:29] Brianne Davis: Isn't it so funny that we try to turn it in on ourselves? Always, like, to take responsibility for someone else hurting us. We then turn it and twist it and make it about ourselves, like, there's something wrong with ourselves. Did you do that a lot at the end or during the relationship? After?

[0:19:50] Alexandra: Yeah, it was crazy. That honestly, it was very traumatic. Obviously, I just pushed it away while it was happening, and then it was after the fact. After we split up, I had a full year of just a really dark depression. And during that time, it was just like I was just, like, saying horrible things to myself about myself. Like, no one's going to love you. Because he also told me that it's going to take a very special person to love me again.

[0:20:18] Brianne Davis: Oh, my God, I want to strangle him right now. Everybody worse being loved. Like, if you're on this planet right now and you're born, you're worth loving. If anybody's telling anybody out there, that is the most abusive thing to say to somebody.

[0:20:33] Alexandra: Yeah, it was stuff like that. Like I said, it was swearing. But it was also things like, there's something inherently wrong with you. It's going to take a special person to love you. There's something wrong with your family. So it took a long time of like, I believe these things, and then it took a while, and then I started seeing it to myself. I don't need to plug anything, but I have a book coming out. And in the book, I kind of talk about, like, I said these horrible things to myself after we split up for a long time, and I all of a sudden realized nobody's abusing me but myself. I was doing it.

[0:21:10] Brianne Davis: I was the person to me, that's so fascinating. You just said that because I had a moment like that the other night, and I haven't talked about it, but I'm the villain of my story. I'm the one that speaks to myself the worse than anybody else. And I had this moment at 03:00 A.m. That I woke up and my subconscious was like, you're a loser. You're not good enough, all this stuff. And I literally was telling my brain, like, Stop. It's not true. But when other people tell you those things, you then start to believe them.

[0:21:44] Alexandra: Yeah, and I think I wrote once, I said something like he had said words that planted invisible roots in my mind, and they were really hard to pull out. And I think that's what verbal abuse does and other abuse, but like, verbal abuse, it like, plants these roots and they grab your brain, and it's really hard to just pull them out and get them out of there because you're like, well, if they said it, there must be some truth to it. But there's not. Typically. There's not. Well, not usually. It's almost always about them. Always about them, not you.

[0:22:19] Brianne Davis: Yeah. So you went through this dark, dark place. I mean, how dark did it go for you?

[0:22:25] Alexandra: I talked about this online on social media and my blog. I went through depression and anxiety, and I was in a place like, I have suicidal ideation secretly again, that was another secret.

[0:22:39] Brianne Davis: Here's another secret.

[0:22:43] Alexandra: I remember that year after we split up, we still had the house we were trying to sell. And I'd be in that house, like, alone, and I would be coping by drinking, like, bottle after bottle of wine kind of thing, crying alone. And in those moments, I remember I had, like I thought I had written in my journal, like, I just want to, like, melt to the ground things. Like, I felt like I wanted to die.

[0:23:06] Brianne Davis: Like disappear? Yeah.

[0:23:07] Alexandra: Yeah, disappear. And I would sit there on the floor and I would like empty pill bottles. That's how I decided I would do it. And, like, every time I thought, okay, this is the time, I never did, because I didn't want to die. I realized what I wanted was to be free of what was going on in my mind. But at the time, I was suffering depression, so I couldn't logic that out at the time.

[0:23:30] Brianne Davis: No, you can't. And that's the thing. I mean, I write about it in the book too. I love that you have a book coming out and telling your story. But it's like, I write about all these moments. You think about your death, and you're like, what is it going to be like? People are going to do this. Even at the beginning of my recovery, I talk about, like, I wish I wanted to just drive my car into the middle of the median just because I didn't want to feel this pain anymore. And you don't know what to do with it. The only thing I can say, and I think that's what you're saying, is you have to walk through it. You have to walk through that pain.

[0:24:04] Alexandra: You have to. Otherwise it will continue to haunt you as long as you don't face it. If you can do it by yourself, great.

[0:24:15] Brianne Davis: I don't know anybody that can do it by themselves. Because you can't fix your brain when your brain is what's? Sick.

[0:24:23] Alexandra: Yeah, I need a therapy. Like, I need therapy. I didn't need pharmaceutical. That was something we talked about. But I decided in the moment, because event and experience created this, I thought, I can work through it in different ways. Because I hadn't been suffering, arguably, I hadn't had a chemical imbalance my whole life. So I was like, well, I'm going to try. And then that was always an option. Tosserize. But never had to. Which is I'm thankful I didn't have to, but I would have if it had continued, or if I had continued to have those intrusive thoughts. But yeah, just going through all that, I realized how traumatic verbal abuse really was. Because a lot of the trauma was from the divorce, but a lot of it was from this abuse.

[0:25:10] Brianne Davis: I think, 100%. It's those invisible cuts, those invisible emotional cuts. I always think those are the hardest ones to, like you said, rip out the roof. Like, if someone hits you, you see the bruise, but if someone verbally abuses you, you can't see it. You can't say, See right here? When he said this, it made this mark on my soul or my face. You know what I mean?

[0:25:33] Alexandra: Well, yeah, and I know this is going to sound crazy, sorry, I don't like that word, but kind of natty.

[0:25:39] Brianne Davis: She's natty. I don't mind the word crazy people at all.

[0:25:43] Alexandra: I've had people, I've used it before in reference to myself, and they got offended. So I don't want to offend anybody.

[0:25:49] Brianne Davis: We offend people here all the time, and it's okay. We're all in this together.

[0:25:54] Alexandra: Okay, good. But at the end of the relationship, I had wished that he had hit me, because then I'd have a bruise to show the evidence why I had to leave so fast from my marriage. And even during the marriage, there were moments where I was like, I wish you would just hit me. Because then I could be like, here's the bruise. Now you can see. You would for sure be like, oh, good. I'm glad you left. But verbal abuse, some people, they have a different, I guess, level of tolerance of it, too. Some people would be like, oh, he called you bitch. Like, that's not a big deal, whatever. Deal with it. Where other people would be like, that's horrible. Whereas physical abuse is very like, I think cut and dry people are like, no, leave. Which is that's why I say it's crazy. Like, I wish she had hit me, but at least then I'd have something to show.

[0:26:39] Alexandra: Everything else shows invisible.

[0:26:41] Brianne Davis: I've actually said that too. I've said that even with friendships. Because let's talk about friendships for a minute, which we never thought we were going to discuss. But even friendships, sometimes people abuse you or are a passive aggressive, like you said, and at moments, even with friendships. And I was like, I wish they just do something physical so I could get enough to work up the courage to leave. No, you should leave anyway. They're horrible up people. Like, they're abusive, but it's hard.

[0:27:12] Alexandra: And friendships can sometimes be the hardest thing to break away from.

[0:27:15] Brianne Davis: Oh, those are the worst, right? Friendship breakups are horrible. They are the worst pain I've ever been in.

[0:27:25] Alexandra: And you will never be friends again. Like, even with a divorce or a breakup. Like, maybe one day you'll get back together, but likely not. But with a friendship, if you break up a friendship, you're probably done, because it's pretty extreme because people don't break up, they just sort of save each other out. Or there's a friendship break up. I was just talking about the other day about someone who has a friend that is arguably not treating them right, like being very passive aggressive and just saying weird things. And I said, you wouldn't tolerate it from your family, you wouldn't tolerate from your boyfriend, so why are you tolerating it from your friend? I think you need to establish a boundary with your friend and talk to this person, and hopefully they'll respond and realize, oh, my God, I'm being awful. And if they don't, then that's your evidence that you shouldn't be friends.

[0:28:12] Brianne Davis: Yeah, I 100% agree. And that's what I think doing all this work for me is. It's like every relationship, it's just not about sex and love. It's literally every relationship.

[0:28:23] Alexandra: Oh, for sure. Because a friendship can really if they're not treating you, that can just be awful.

[0:28:30] Brianne Davis: It's just as bad. I believe it's just as bad. Now, you said you are now with someone, right? How is that? Obviously you've done the work, so that's the first thing you got to do the work afterwards because you'll take it into the next relationship, you'll bring that baggage. Correct?

[0:28:47] Alexandra: Yes. And arguably before that, I should have done a bit more work. Like, I had done a lot of work, and I thought I was totally healed. And then when we had these consultants, I realized, well, maybe. There's a little bit more work to do.

[0:29:00] Brianne Davis: Oh my God, that's so funny. I've literally done twelve years of intense work and I still get triggered by my husband. I'm like, there's another layer that I have to work on.

[0:29:15] Alexandra: But it's been good. He's a deharta himself, so he understands that experience. And it's kind of funny. I'm kind of happy I ended up with someone who also went through that because we can kind of understand if stuff comes up, we can talk about it. And neither one of us is going to be like, oh, you're not over it. No, it's just this really crazy thing, extreme thing happened in both of our past, so we can kind of understand that. So he's super understanding. And sometimes if I do have a trigger and I overreact, I'll talk to him after it's done and the next day, I'm really sorry. And he was like, no, I understand. It's okay. And so he's so understanding and so he's kind of yeah, he's a great guy to be with, for me, for sure.

[0:29:58] Brianne Davis: Yeah. But he doesn't fix it. That's the thing. You have to do it. You can't get into a good relationship because you won't know how to handle it because that trauma comes up. And one of the things we say is we tell each other like, okay, I'm getting really triggered. I don't know why right now. So I'm going to walk away and let's just put this on the table. Like that's what we said. We're like, time out. Something that's out. Or we use that word mistletoe, like mistletoe no more.

[0:30:29] Alexandra: I love that.

[0:30:32] Brianne Davis: It really does. Because there's something about you're going to get triggered. You're going to get triggered with your partner about family stuff, about things you haven't dealt with, your family, your friends, past relationships. And it's like you have to have that pause.

[0:30:48] Alexandra: Yeah. And he's so good too. I didn't have, I guess, many serious relationships after my marriage. He was probably the most serious, but I had like, little things going on, relationships with people, and one of them, this guy would say if anything ever came up, and not even that much, but anything, he would refer to my ex husband as like a scumbag. That also was not a healthy response and it didn't help. It definitely didn't help because I was the one that married a scumbag. But then you feel bad, you're like, Well, I loved him. At some point he's like, that's not. And so with my now partner, he definitely even if I'm talking about these things that happen, he'll never take aim at him, which I appreciate it's more. Just like the things that happen and how I'm feeling and how I'm healing and stuff. Not nothing about him really calling him names, because that's just a sabbath, I think.

[0:31:40] Brianne Davis: Oh, I love that because part of me wanted to call him a scumbag a couple of times and put an asshole like you know what I mean?

[0:31:47] Alexandra: Like I wanted to say you can actually, I think I heard about that too. In my book, I say I'm a last call in the stomach and anybody that I give that privilege to can, but not some kind of dating doesn't have the right to say that.

[0:32:01] Brianne Davis: Well, I know you have the blog with where's the blog so people can, if they want to reach out to you, if they're going through a similar thing, where can they reach you?

[0:32:10] Alexandra: Yeah. So you can find me at the splendid Path. So www dot the splendidpath.com. And then I'm also pretty present on instagram at the alexandra. eva mae yay.

[0:32:25] Brianne Davis: And one last question I have. If anybody out there is listening and they are in this type of relationship or feel like they are, they're not sure what would be your advice for them, like recognizing it, what would you wish you would have done?

[0:32:39] Alexandra: So I think if you feel like you're in that type of relationship, you might be keeping it all to yourself, which does a lot of people do. I think the first step is to book therapy with a professional. You can do that now with the pandemic. There's so many people online. You can do it online, you can do it through an app even, or in person. I think some people are doing that. But focus therapy appointment to try to work through it with the professional. So that would be number one. And then number two, I think, realize that their behavior is not about you. It is about them. It is about how they handle whatever they're handling. It is completely about them. And what they're saying is not true. It's not true. It's a way to kind of take you down to make you feel as bad as they're probably feeling.

[0:33:26] Alexandra: It's a way to like, erode your self confidence and it's not true. And you don't deserve that. And it would be better and healthier to be alone than to stay in this relationship or even seek out another one. It's healthier just to be alone and to be abused than to be with anybody. So if you're scared of being alone, like, it's tough. It can be tough to be alone. But it's so much better. And I was so much happier even when I was going through a grief, and I was like, I was so much happier because I was away from trauma.

[0:34:00] Brianne Davis: Yeah, well, and I also just had this thought, even writing it down, like, you know, you have a communication with something and it just doesn't feel right in your stomach and you're like, oh, that hurt. Or I felt something writing it down, say I felt this way when he said this, or she said this. And it's like when you start writing it down, it's almost making it like so you can look back and go, oh, then this happened. Then he called me a bitch and then he was saying how ugly my dress is and no one would love me. I don't know, I'm just calling, but there's something about writing it down.

[0:34:36] Alexandra: Oh, for sure. I think that no, that's actually what I did. That's a good point. I need like a list.

[0:34:41] Brianne Davis: Look at me, I'm like I'll proud of myself, people, you can't see me, but I just smiled.

[0:34:47] Alexandra: I need like a list.

[0:34:49] Brianne Davis: Great.

[0:34:49] Alexandra: I need a list because I was trying to make heads and tales of it and so I need a whole list and not actually after we split up because I was thinking of going back, which I made this list and it was like crazy long. Why would I go back to this? And so maybe yeah, you're right. Writing it down, making a list, and you can actually have a full scope of like, all that's happened.

[0:35:10] Brianne Davis: Yeah. And write a list right after it happens. Like, yeah, this just happened because there's something about we can our minds can twist and manipulate ourselves and when it's written down, you can't twist that because it's written down that it happened. Do you know what I mean?

[0:35:25] Alexandra: Yeah, exactly. I agree.

[0:35:28] Brianne Davis: So glad you reached out to me. I'm so glad we talked about this. Honestly, I think people need to discuss this more because I think people use verbal abuse all the time and it's an epidemic and it's not okay anymore. So thank you so much for reaching out to me. Honestly, I'm so grateful.

[0:35:44] Alexandra: Thank you so much for having me. This is so fantastic. And yeah, like you said, I agree, it's an epidemic and it starts with a young girl, a girls and teenage relationship. So it should be talked about more.

[0:35:57] Brianne Davis: Well, thank you. And if you want to be on the show, please email me secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. Until next time, thanks again for listening to the show. Please subscribe rate, share air or send me a note at SecretLifepodcast.com. And if you like to check out my book, head over to secretlifenovel.com or Amazon to pick up a copy for yourself or someone you love. Thanks again. See you soon.

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Max: Growing Up, I Was Ashamed About My Autism

Mon, 20 Feb 2023 08:00:00 +0000

Max's Journey to Success: A Neurodivergent Story of Overcoming Challenges and Finding Belonging -- Max shares his unique journey of overcoming autism and his path to success. He talks about the tools he used to thrive in life, from the Listening Program app to extra-curricular activities. His vulnerable story is full of insight and inspiration, teaching listeners the power of determination and resilience. Max also reflects on his childhood and the experiences that shaped him. Hear his stories and learn from his advice in the Secret Life podcast.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

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To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

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SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

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About our guest, MAX KORTEN - Max, a former research and assessment coordinator at Lincoln University, is an assessment specialist at Strayer University. He hopes that his TEDx talk will inspire positive change within others.

Ted Talk: https://www.ted.com/talks/max_korten_living_beyond_your_invisible_letter

https://advancedbrain.com/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJi3xu5OOMM&t=6s

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Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

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Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
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Transcript

[0:00:00] Max: I did not like having autism. And I think in a way, I was almost trying to, like I was trying to, like, push myself out of autism.

[0:00:15] Brianne Davis: Welcome to the Secret Life Podcast. Tell me your secret, I'll tell you mine.

Sometimes you have to go through the darkness to reach the light. That's what I did. After twelve years of recovery in sex and love addiction, I finally found my soulmate myself. Please join me in my novel, Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex and Love Addict, a four-time bestseller on Amazon. It's a brutal, honest, raw, gnarly ride, but hilarious at the same time. Check it out now on Amazon. Welcome to Secret Life Podcast. I'm Brianne Davis-Gantt. Today I'm pulling back the curtains of all kinds of human secrets. We'll hear about what people are hiding from themselves or others. You know those deep, dark secrets you probably want to take to your grave are those lighter, funnier secrets that are just plain embarrassing. Really? The what, when, where and why of it all.

[0:01:14] Brianne Davis: My guest is Max. Now, Max, I have a question for you. What is your secret?

[0:01:27] Max: When I was growing up, until I left for college, I was extremely abashed for having autism.

[0:01:37] Brianne Davis: So you carried around for the longest time that you had autism and you didn't share it with anybody?

[0:01:43] Max: Well, I was diagnosed when I was 18 months old, and this was in 1995 when autism was fairly new. But my family knew that I had autism. Some kids knew that I was a little off, but they didn't know the term right, because I definitely did stick out what's that phrase? You stick out with a four thumb.

[0:02:12] Brianne Davis: Yeah. But I do want to ask, how did your parents know at 18 months? That's so young. So what were the signs? Because I know nothing about autism. I'm so glad you reached out. I'm so glad you're coming on, because I really want to be educated and my listeners to be educated. So please, any information.

[0:02:33] Max: So I'm not 100% sure, but from what I vaguely remember, from what they've told me, I was not talking. I actually didn't learn how to speak until I was four. I was having sensory issues. And I also think that I'm not 100% certain that I wasn't really playing with other kids. Yeah, other kids around my age. So I think those were the things that I'm not 100% certain.

[0:03:11] Brianne Davis: Yeah. Because I have adhd and my mom knew from a very young age as well. I talk about it. I could not learn the alphabet, like, to save my life. And she was so frustrated. So I always felt other than right on the outside. Did you feel that way growing up?

[0:03:29] Max: Yeah, very much so. I did not really understand growing up. I didn't understand how kids communicated or I didn't really get the social and teenage jargon of how kids communicated. And because of that, I did have some brains, but I definitely felt like a bit socially isolated for my peers. This happened more so when I was like, in 3rd, fourth and fifth grade when anything horribly happened and it kind of came out of the blue, or if it was off routine of my schedule, I would just have a tetra tantrum.

[0:04:25] Brianne Davis: Because you felt out of control or like, things were out of the norm for you?

[0:04:29] Max: Out of the norm, yeah. But I really like having, like, a very stringent and stoic schedule. And any time that went off of track, then it just messed with my psyche.

[0:04:51] Brianne Davis: Yeah. Do you think it was like because I love structure. Like, there's something about structure. When you have structure and what through your day and it's planned, that there's a sense of calmness and that you know what's next. So if anything deviated from that, it was, like, anxiety driven.

[0:05:11] Max: Yeah. So individuals who have autism and some others who have adhd like yourself, or even Add, like structure, and when structure is, you know, off balance or gets thrown out the window, there are diverse individuals like myself tend to really just can't handle it. As I've gotten older, I've gotten much more used to it. I've gotten a lot of behavioral therapies that have really through, like, ot, occupational therapy, speech therapy, cbt, and just joining activities that have helped my brain and my autism to get structured to everyday life. But when I was very little, like eight through twelve, it was really difficult for me.

[0:06:12] Brianne Davis: Yeah. Can you take us back to that difficulty? And I also wanted to ask, did your parents have difficulty as well? Like I said, my mom it was very hard for my mom, god bless her, I love her, but they don't teach parents how. There's no manual to how to help your child when they're struggling. So how did your parents handle it?

[0:06:36] Max: So actually, it's weird. I've never really asked my parents how they handled it.

[0:06:41] Brianne Davis: Really?

[0:06:43] Max: No.

[0:06:44] Brianne Davis: Oh, my God. Let's get them on.

[0:06:49] Max: Just some backtrack. My parents are actually divorced. They divorced when I was like, eight or nine. But even though they divorced and I think they did a fairly good job with trying to structure things and trying to keep me occupied. And both of my parents remarried, and my stepparents my step dad and step mom are really helpful and are still really helpful with me and getting acclimated to my autism. If I were to guess, I'm sure it was pretty stressful for them, especially when I was in elementary school, because they were trying to help me. And I have a younger sister who is 20 months younger than me, like two babies.

[0:07:42] Brianne Davis: They had two babies at the same time. Oh, my God. God bless your parents. That's a lot of just one baby is hard enough. When people have, like, two indictments at the same time, it's like, oh, my God, god bless you.

[0:07:55] Max: But yeah, I actually didn't understand the concept of divorce when I was nine. I just thought they were kind of doing what I considered in child's terms, like a rum springer.

[0:08:09] Brianne Davis: I don't know.

[0:08:09] Max: I just thought it was like a rum spring in my mind. I thought they were just taking a break. And it was when I was, like, ten years that I was like, that I learned the concept of divorce and whatnot. I just didn't get it. My dad moved out. Well, it helped him move things to his apartment. And I don't know, it just didn't really affect me. I don't know.

[0:08:39] Brianne Davis: Interesting.

[0:08:40] Max: I don't know why. Again, I think it was just this idea of a rum springer. Like, my dad was just taking a break and moving out the house. That was just, like, the first thing that came to mind for me. Like, at eight years old.

[0:08:54] Brianne Davis: Nine years old, right. Okay. So there's your sister, and you and your parents are separated. And then how soon after did they get remarried?

[0:09:05] Max: So my dad and my step mom got remarried when I was going into 7th grade.

[0:09:14] Brianne Davis: Okay.

[0:09:16] Max: My mom and stepdad met when I was in fifth grade, and they were cohabitated for a while, and they just actually got married five years ago.

[0:09:29] Brianne Davis: They waited they waited longer.

[0:09:33] Max: Yeah. My stepdad has been presently in my life since I was probably eleven.

[0:09:39] Brianne Davis: Can you tell me some of the things that you had to do differently from other kids? Just so I can, because I had to do flashcards. I had to go to tutors. It was really hard for me. I was so embarrassed on a daily basis at school. Like, I couldn't read in classes. If the teacher asked me, I'd be like, no, thank you.

[0:10:02] Max: So I had an eight until I was in 7th grade, I think. I think it was 7th. And I also had, like, academic enrichment. So that was a combination of that that just helped me with study skills and managing my homework. And I have something called executive processing. So executive processing means that when someone says something or when someone is talking, you might not be able to code all the information at a faster pace as a neuro typical person does.

[0:10:45] Brianne Davis: Right.

[0:10:46] Max: So executive processing was an issue. I would say those were, like, the big three, like, organization, executive processing, and definitely, like, managing, like, my mood from, you know, like, if anything was, like, off balance, just, like, trying to manage my mood.

[0:11:08] Brianne Davis: So what are some of those tools that you learned? Can you remember?

[0:11:15] Max: One of the things for executive processing that I guess I could say as a life saver was when I was 16. So my sophomore year, my mom is really my speech therapist had found that there was this thing that came out, and it's called the listening program. And it was like this brand new how do I say it's? This brand new technological system that helps integrate the two parts of your brain to communicate with each other.

[0:11:50] Brianne Davis: Okay.

[0:11:50] Max: So what was happening was before I was 16, the left and right side of my brain were not communicating with each other. And that's why I was struggling with reading. I wasn't really struggling, but it was taking me longer to understand reading passages or trying to organize my essays or even just and it also goes back to communicating with my peers. Like this listening program, I've been doing it for twelve years. It helps me communicate with my peers because there's different levels in the listening program, and it involves executive functioning, processing, and communication. And also I think there's like a part where it involves motor skills. So like motor ability. So not falling down. Yeah, and I started doing it when I was 16. Essentially what you do is that you listen to these headphones. When I got them, it was through an ipod, because this was back in 2010, and it was the structured headphones with the ipod. And you essentially listen to orchestra music. Oh yeah, you listen to orchestra music and you're listening to different instruments, but basically you're listening to different instruments at the same time.

[0:13:30] Brianne Davis: Okay.

[0:13:30] Max: And what it does is that it helps the two parts of your brain, your left and right brain, to communicate with one another. There's actually an app for it. So I just have the app on my phone and I listen to it through these Sony headphones that I have here.

[0:13:48] Brianne Davis: Can you share the app in case anyone yeah, if anything's resonating, let's share the app to help. What is it called?

[0:13:56] Max: It's called abt listening program. Yeah, it's an app. I'm just looking at it now. It's called the listening program. By advanced brain technologies, I believe. And I'm not 100% sure. I think it's when you start it's $35 a month.

[0:14:19] Brianne Davis: Okay.

[0:14:20] Max: That's what I currently pay. I think when it first came out, it was a lot more expensive because you had to get the actual kit and the ipod. I don't know if they have that anymore because technology has evolved last twelve years, but there's like an actual website for it and their headquarters are in Utah. I would 100% recommend it. I guess you could say it was a lifesaver because I've been using it for the last almost 13 years.

[0:14:53] Brianne Davis: Yeah, I would say it's an effective tool if you've been using it for 13 years. But when you just said reading comprehension, all of that literally my entire body was like, I know how that feels. So would you be in class in school? Did other kids know you are autistic? Or did they just think you had a learning disability? How did you handle that stress? Because I didn't handle it well. I really like, shut down as a human. I let my learning disability kind of run my life. But it sounds like you had such great support. So how was that for you?

[0:15:30] Max: I think in middle school and early high school, it was very difficult because I really wanted to have friends and a cohort of friends, but I didn't have that. And the other thing was, when I was in 7th grade, I moved I moved to a new town. So moving in middle school middle school is awkward in general, but moving middle school is torture.

[0:15:58] Brianne Davis: Torture.

[0:16:00] Max: It's awkwardness on top of awkwardness. So I moved at a very, I guess you could say a very bizarre time in my life. 7th, 8th and 9th grade were pretty awkward. I think the main things that really helped me were when I started running in 7th grade. And that really helped because when I was doing an extracurricular activity, I had done swimming before, but this really helped my social emotional behavior because I was doing a team sport. So I did cross country track, and I did that competitively for ten years. I did it for 7th grade until my senior year of college. So that helped me be part of.

[0:16:59] Brianne Davis: A team, be part of something other than yourself. So that would be like, if you have a child, maybe getting them into a sport that they enjoy, obviously not pushing it on them, they have to enjoy it. But that might be something, because I didn't do that. I didn't join any sports or anything.

[0:17:15] Max: Yeah, okay, so I joined a sport. I don't know how your high school was, but my high school was very competitive, and when I got to high school, I don't know, I kind of just hit the ground running. I really wanted to do well in high school for myself, so I pushed myself, probably pushed myself a little bit too hard at times. So I did track and cross country.

[0:17:47] Brianne Davis: You were overachiever.

[0:17:48] Max: Yeah, I was an overachiever.

[0:17:51] Brianne Davis: I was not. I didn't want to go to college. I didn't want to do any of that. I was, like, not interested.

[0:17:58] Max: I was hardcore over achiever. I just choir. I was in the National Honor Society. I did a couple you thrived.

[0:18:08] Brianne Davis: Maybe you should be doing this and I should be coming on, talking about the secret of my learning disability and being bullied. You thrived like, you really did.

[0:18:18] Max: Yeah, I took five AP classes. I was in the National Honor Society, people. So, yeah, to say, like, I was an overachiever was an understatement. But again, I went to a very competitive high school. Like, people in my high school went to ivy League schools in, like, Stanford and georgetown and emery, so, like, those very top niche schools, and I wanted to fit in with my peers.

[0:18:53] Brianne Davis: Well, here's the thing. It's like when you're saying that right now, it's really beautiful because you took something that made you different and you got the tools, and it sounds like your parents really supported you and got you what you needed to keep succeeding in our society is whatever you want to call it, but you really just thrived. And it almost gave you this upper hand of your unique in a beautiful way. Because I believe people with autism are learning disabilities. Our brains work differently, and there is a very beautiful thing I see now, but I still have residue of being bullied. Did you ever get bullied or no?

[0:19:34] Max: A little bit in 8th grade.

[0:19:36] Brianne Davis: Okay.

[0:19:38] Max: But I actually went to the guidance counselor because I was getting bullied because I was not happy. But the thing is, Brian, I did not like having autism. And I think, in a way, I was almost trying to make myself try to be neurotypical. So while I was really thriving and pushing myself, I was almost, like, trying to I was trying to push myself.

[0:20:09] Brianne Davis: Out of autism and run from it. Like, keep it a lie almost to yourself a secret almost to yourself. It's not there. It's not there. It's not there.

[0:20:19] Max: I basically was telling myself, by the time I graduated from high school, I have to be cured or get all my support out. I think it was something along the lines of, like, I can't have any more support after I graduate. These are the four years that I have to crunch down and grind and make sure that I can be independent and self sufficient by 18. But I think I took that almost a little bit too personally and literally because everyone had support services beyond high school. And, like, I wish I had known that because I don't think I would have stressed myself out or would have stretched myself in all the time, because I think I pushed myself. I'm glad that I pushed myself, but I was almost pushing myself in a way to survive.

[0:21:23] Brianne Davis: Yeah, it is, like, superhuman effort. It's like this superhuman effort. And then you get to what, graduating high school and then did you just give up all your support system? What happened?

[0:21:36] Max: When I graduated high school, I was actually kind of burnt out, to be honest.

[0:21:42] Brianne Davis: You think, jeez, I'm burnt out. While you're telling me everything you were doing. I'm like, can I take a nap? Like, I'm tired.

[0:21:50] Max: Yeah, I was definitely burnt out a little bit. But back in 2012, the expectation was to go to college.

[0:22:00] Brianne Davis: Yes, but now they say you shouldn't go to college. Just so you know, like, new studies are saying you can actually do better without college.

[0:22:08] Max: Yeah. So I wish I had taken, like, maybe a break or maybe taking a semester off just to chill out a little bit. But I was still in that go go attitude and, like, wanting to thrive. And when I got to college, even though I could utilize my support systems, I could get extra time on test, and I could take a test in a quiet room. I wasn't using that at first. And looking back on that, I kind of think I'm the biggest idiot because I was shooting myself on the phone.

[0:22:47] Brianne Davis: Yeah. No, I did too. Like, taking the sats and tests. I didn't use those extra tools I could have because I didn't want to feel different from anybody else.

[0:22:57] Max: Yeah. So when I got to college, I was trying to essentially trying to be like the typical college student that you see in TV and media, and I was shooting myself in the foot, and I'm like, I can't do this. My parents are paying a lot of money for me to go here, and I want to do well. And what made me feel more comfortable about myself when I got to college is unlike high school or even like the K through twelve system, I think how people in college tend to be a little bit more open about their vulnerabilities. So that's what I talked about in my Ted Talk was that people had these invisible letters. So for me, my invisible letter was A for autism. But I had met people, whether it was like, my track team and I was also in Greek Life or through other organizations who are going through these insecurities, and you would have never known it. So it made me feel like, less alone. And that's when I realized I had to be more authentic to myself.

[0:24:16] Brianne Davis: So what do you remember, like, the first step doing it, doing the Ted Talk? Was that like, the moment you felt a freedom from that bondage of self, or was there a moment you can remember that you're like, aha, that was like, the thing that something switched.

[0:24:34] Max: So I guess you could say, like, I started to reveal that I was autistic in little baby steps. So I reveal to my classmates I had autism in my senior year because I shared my college speech in a class. And I remember that was like, the first time that I had done that. And then I think it was around like, my sophomore year of college, that's when I started to, like, meet people. It wasn't really a specific person. It was just like different friends or acquaintances who are kind of just going through different vulnerabilities that you would have.

[0:25:16] Brianne Davis: Never life struggles, things.

[0:25:18] Max: Yeah, and that's what made me reveal my own insecurities and what I had gone through.

[0:25:27] Brianne Davis: Here's my question, though. Did you have any backlash? Did anybody ever make you feel bad? Or was it just this warm, like, we accept you for who you are?

[0:25:41] Max: Everyone was accepting. I had one teammates, and I'm not going to go into a lot of detail about this. He just did not like me for personal reasons and essentially was trying to bully me. But that's just like another therapy session, you know?

[0:26:02] Brianne Davis: I love a good therapy session. Come on. No, but that's what I'm trying to teach my son what you just said. I said not everybody's going to like you and you're never going to understand why some people are just not going to like you.

[0:26:14] Max: Yeah, at that point, I just didn't care and I didn't need permission for him to like me. But, yeah, I felt very welcome and it helped me succeed in college and I eventually did very well. I got this very prestigious award my senior year that was only given to, like, I think, 20 students. I went to graduate school and got a master's in higher ed, and currently my background is in research and evaluation. That's what I do for my current career.

[0:26:55] Brianne Davis: Wow. You're still an overachiever, but that's a beautiful thing. It's like your autism didn't slow you down. It probably even made you even have more life experiences and learn more things in a different way. And you're actually making me proud that I have, like, a learning disability because for so long I kept it such a secret and I was in so much shame for sure.

[0:27:20] Max: No neuro diverse people. They are like their own little what's the word? Their own little creature happened. You're an actor and you're starting this podcast. You have so much to be grateful for.

[0:27:36] Brianne Davis: I know when I wrote a book and it was best seller and I was like, oh, my God, I did that. I built to this day, and I did that. What? Do you ever have those moments where you're like, I did that, like your Ted Talk where you're like, I did that. Well, thank you so much for coming on, but I do have a couple more questions before if there's any parents out there or anybody that's like, oh, my God, this is hitting a core of something going on with my child or even with myself. What would be your first advice for them?

[0:28:09] Max: Don't freak out.

[0:28:12] Brianne Davis: Don't go into panic.

[0:28:14] Max: Don't freak out. I think my best well, the one thing I would recommend is looking into the listening program. I mean, like, to say that was a lifesavers and understatement. Okay. Get your child involved in extracurricular activities. Obviously, they have to enjoy it. If they're not enjoying it, then you don't want to push them too hard because then they're going to get acclimated, like you said, into doing something outside of themselves internally.

[0:28:51] Brianne Davis: Well, thank you. And we will link that learning app and learning program below so people can go to it and see what it is and all that. Is there anything else you want the listeners to know about your journey, about releasing yourself of the secret and baby steps throughout the years? Is there any closing words you want to say?

[0:29:12] Max: I just want to say thank you to my family and friends who believed in me when there were times I didn't believe in myself.

[0:29:21] Brianne Davis: That makes me want to cry. Where can people find you if they have any questions or anything.

[0:29:27] Max: Yeah, so they can email me. My email is Maxorden korten, 26, at@gmail.com. I would also say for people, because there's also been a growing trend of adults being diagnosed with autism. There's a LinkedIn group that I follow. It's called Non neurodivergent. I think that's the name of it.

[0:29:55] Brianne Davis: Okay.

[0:29:55] Max: But it's for professionals who are neuro divergent, and just trying to navigate the workforce really helps me because when I started working, I really didn't know any other nerdive, urgent individuals in the workforce.

[0:30:14] Brianne Davis: Thank you so much for sharing that and thank you for coming on.

[0:30:19] Max: Thank you, Brian.

[0:30:20] Brianne Davis: If you want to be on the show, please email me at secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. Until next time, thanks again for listening to the show. Please subscribe rate share or send me a note at secretlifepodcast.com. And if you'd like to check out my book, head over to secretlifenovel.com or Amazon to pick up a copy for yourself or someone you love. Thanks again. See you soon.

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Billy: I’m Addicted to Gambling

Mon, 13 Feb 2023 08:00:00 +0000

Billy shares his journey as he gambled his way to six figures in four years of college. Hear his stories of risky escapades at Mohegan Sun Casino and underground poker clubs, and learn how he hustled his way to success. Listen in on his thoughtful advice on managing gambling habits, and be inspired by his positive attitude despite his losses. It's a unique view of gambling, honesty and willingness to change.

Compulsive gambling, also called gambling disorder, is the uncontrollable urge to keep gambling despite the toll it takes on your life. Gambling means that you're willing to risk something you value in the hope of getting something of even greater value.

NATIONAL PROBLEM GAMBLING HELPLINE - 1-800-522-4700

The National Council on Problem Gambling operates the National Problem Gambling Helpline Network. The network is a single national access point to local resources for those seeking help for a gambling problem. The network consists of 28 contact centers that provide resources and referrals for all 50 states, Canada, and the US Virgin Islands. Help is available 24/7 and is 100% confidential.

The National Problem Gambling Helpline Network also includes text and chat services. These features enable those who are gambling online or on their mobile phone to access help the same way they play. One call, text, or chat will get you to problem gambling help anywhere in the U.S. 24/7/365.

Help is also available via an online peer support forum at www.gamtalk.org.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

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To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

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Guest Billy Procida is a nonmonogamous sex-positive comedian in New York City and host of The Manwhore Podcast. His show is consistently listed as a Top Sex & Dating Podcast by Esquire, Uproxx, and Men's Health. Billy's writing has also been featured in the New York Time's Magazine, Marie Claire, and Mashable. He also runs a monthly Naked Comedy Show in Bushwick. Yes, actually.

Twitter: @TheBillyProcida

Instagram: @billyisprocida

OnlyFans: @callmebilly

The Manwhore Podcast - apple or spotify

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SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

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Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

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Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
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Transcript

[0:00:00] Billy: I've been the Gamblers Anonymous a few times. I think like three times I've been the Gamblers Anonymous. I don't really like it because they say that to be a member, the first thing you have to do is have a desire to quit gambling. And I don't want to quit gambling. I just want to stop losing.

[0:00:20] Brianne Davis: Welcome to the Secret Life Podcast. Tell me your secret, I'll tell you mine. Sometimes you have to go through the darkness to reach the light. That's what I did. After twelve years of recovery in sex and love addiction, I finally found my soulmate myself. Please join me in my novel, Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex and Love Addict, a four time bestseller on Amazon. It's a brutal, honest, raw, gnarly ride, but hilarious at the same time. Check it out now on Amazon. Welcome to Secret Live Podcast. I'm Brianne Davis-Gantt. Today I'm pulling back the curtains of all kinds of human secrets. We'll hear about what people are hiding from themselves or others. You know, those deep, dark secrets you probably want to take to your grave. Or those lighter, funnier secrets that are just plain embarrassing. Really?

[0:01:18] Brianne Davis: The how, what, when, why, or why it all today. My guess is Billy. Now, Billy, I have a question for you. Don, what is your secret?

[0:01:30] Billy: I have a gambling problem.

[0:01:35] Brianne Davis: Okay, tell me about it.

[0:01:38] Billy: Yeah. What was interesting when we were talking about doing this, it's like, well, what secrets do I have? Because I'm also a podcaster. I do a show called The Man Who Are Podcast. So it's like, I live my life very publicly on the Internet, especially like, my sex and dating life. So it's all out there. And I was like, what don't I really talk about? And when you ask people to support your artistic career with things like patreon and other ventures, you feel self conscious about being like, I'm going to try really hard not to gamble with this money, but I also might and I'm so sorry.

[0:02:14] Brianne Davis: Oh my God. I never thought about it in that element. Wow. So first let's talk. When did you become a gambling addict? When did you start gambling? Was it really young?

[0:02:24] Billy: Yeah, I think my introduction was probably somewhere around like, let's just say 1011, maybe like eleven with scratch off tickets. I used to go down the street to the pizza shop, like a half mile from my house after school every day. But I have a sports practice. I would go down there, have a few slices, read the paper like an old man, total old man, talk to the adults. Which now, by the way, when I go there, I'm seeing the adults would have talked to at 1120 years. I'm like, oh my God, you were like in your 20s or thirty s and I thought you were so old. But I would go down there and chat because I didn't have a lot of friends. I got bullied a lot. So this pizza shop was like, a refuge for me, and the dudes behind the counter would play scratch offs, and the only time I got to play scratch off is, like, christmas, when, like, everyone gets one in the stocking. But it was great. When you won, you lost, and if you win, you can just trade it in for more tickets to then eventually lose. Because a gambler doesn't want to win. A gambler just wants to gamble, and eventually we lose. That's when we notice stop gambling. That were like, when the place is closing down, I would give my money to, like, there was a quick stop thing next to the pizza shop.

[0:03:40] Billy: I would give the pizza, the guy, my little list, and my little $10 allowance money because they also played a scratch off. Everyone's a junkie, so they go next door for me, and they get my tickets, and then I would caress them and hound them to go next door. I wasn't very cognizant of context of things, so it's in a rush, and I'm bugging them. I wasn't really manipulating it's like, hey, Robbie, you go next door to get tickets. Can you get me my tickets, or can you cash in my tickets? So that's where it started. And then, like, middle school age online poker, like, underground online poker was starting to happen, and there was this weird gimmick where somebody's parent would, let's say, let them put $200 in their all Star poker's account. I even remember what the site was at the time. And then they would just barter and trade the credit because you could transfer credits to accounts. So someone's like, oh, can I give you $20 to transfer me, like, ten into my account? Because my parents won't let me gamble with their money. And so there was that whole racket going on. And so then I was starting to play some online poker, and then it would progress until I got to boarding school, and they're like, you weren't allowed to gamble. So I was like, yeah, I was a rule follower told square. So I was like, Why?

[0:04:57] Billy: I don't break the rules because I don't want to get into trouble. Because at my school, if you got in trouble, you had to do, like, a 05:30 a.m. Workout. And I hate waking up early. I don't mind the workout. The workout was, like, a 630 p. M. Workout.

[0:05:09] Brianne Davis: You're all for the dice.

[0:05:11] Billy: Yeah, but I'm not waking up at 530 and going to the gym. No, thank you. But there was a loophole. The loophole was you could gamble for food, so, like, you could gamble pizza. Oh, yeah. And board of school pizza is currency.

[0:05:23] Brianne Davis: It sounds like a prison.

[0:05:29] Billy: I went to an alternative kid boarding school. I don't know if you heard the term trouble. Teen industry.

[0:05:35] Brianne Davis: Yes.

[0:05:36] Billy: So my school was on the very, very light end of that spectrum. So we sometimes get kids from these wild schools you hear stories about in the news. Like, if they behaved well enough, sometimes they get to come to our school. So it wasn't prison, but it was strict. You'd have, like, N 64 or PlayStation. So I would play, like, NFL Blitz or something where we play poker. But for pizzas. A lot of us were putting the pizzas on, like, mom or Dad's credit card. I don't know if I've ever said this. I ran up a bill on my mom's credit card at some place special, which was, like, the local pizza shop. And I would run up a bill because a kid took me for ten pizzas. And then my mom's like, why did I get charged for $130 from someplace special? It's like, because you know what? I really need to practice harder at this video game. I really need to, like I need to do the work if I'm going to gamble it.

[0:06:29] Brianne Davis: Wow. What age was that?

[0:06:32] Billy: That's all the high school.

[0:06:33] Brianne Davis: Wow. So here's what I just want to stop and ask you what would happen if you're talking about it now, is anything happening in your body? Because there was a little jolt I felt from you telling the story about it.

[0:06:46] Billy: Well, as I told you before we started, I live my life very publicly. I don't have a lot of secrets. I got a couple of secrets because I think it's healthy to have a few. It's like, I got to have a couple. I need something for my first book, right? There needs to be something that a headline will be like, billy Procedure admits to Blank in his first debut novel, which is on the bestseller list. No big deal. I got to save a couple of things for the first Man Whore book. But I was like, what? Do I not get to talk? I just don't get to talk about this? Everyone's interviewing me about, like, sex stuff, which is fine and great.

[0:07:20] Brianne Davis: I get that's what I wanted to interview you about, because I am a sex and love addict. So I'm like, let's talk about the gambling.

[0:07:29] Billy: I imagine I would come on and share that, except all my sex life is public. There's no secret there. But this is something, like, I don't even really think about. I haven't thought about Adam Mizrah beating me for ten pizzas and NFL bullets since I don't know when. Like, I haven't even thought about this. He would use Peyton Hillis as running back a lot. Literally, I haven't thought about that. Sophomore year, wow. I was on probably, like, Three East the wing I was on. Yeah. That's crazy. So I just haven't thought about this, and I don't get to talk about it very often.

[0:08:00] Brianne Davis: Well, this is the perfect place. So then when was the next thing you gambled and it just amplified?

[0:08:07] Billy: Also when I would go home on breaks, you could gamble. So I place them online poker, the scratch off racket. And then when I got to college, I remember sophomore year college, I went to like, my five year high school reunion. I went to some sort of I went back to my born school, and all the kids who went up, all the other alum, we were hanging out, we were drinking some beer. They can't give us whatever. And then someone's like, oh, let's go to Mohegan Sun. Now we're all underage. Yeah, like, I'm 19, by the way. I like gambling at the native American casinos more than, like, Atlantic City because, like, when I lose that Mohegan Sun, I feel like I'm doing good. There's some kids who know, like, calculus now because I paid for those books. So it's like, this is better your.

[0:08:57] Brianne Davis: Due, good service, going to lose at the Mohegan Sun casino.

[0:09:03] Billy: Yeah, community service. This is good karma. When I lose here, if I lose in Atlantic City, it's just going to somebody's bank account. So. Anyways, let's go to Mohegan Sun. I had a fake ID, but I never been to a casino because I was underage. And we got in. I didn't realize, at least in Connecticut, there's not like, someone at the door. Even in Jersey, I'm pretty sure there's not like someone at the door. I go in another state sometimes, though, you walk and right there, it's like, what's your ID? But here is more like you walk around and somebody might card you, and most likely you are going to get carded if you ask for drinks. So we just didn't ask for booze, no problem. And I got to go ahead and lose my $100 at blackjack. Like, fine, but then that let me know, oh, I can get into a casino underage. And so then I would start to go.

[0:09:53] Billy: Now in college, I don't got a lot of money, so I'm like driving up 3 hours Mohegan Sun from New York to gamble with $100 to $200, which when you're back at blackjack does not last very long.

[0:10:09] Brianne Davis: I thought you were like, maybe doing the nickel slots. I would take it to the nickel slot and it would take a long time.

[0:10:15] Billy: No, the slots nonsense.

[0:10:20] Brianne Davis: Like the old lady slot. That's what I would do.

[0:10:23] Billy: The slots are for bachelorette parties and guys who don't know what they're doing. Okay, I'm taking this seriously. I would start going up there, and I'm going up a little bit. At that time, junior year, I discovered underground poker scene in New York City, right. And after a couple of times playing, I very quickly was introduced to dealing. My boss was named Scotty Cards because of course it was I didn't know his last name, scotty Cards. He was in my phone with Scotty Cards. So he introduced himself to people on the street. And so Scotty cards taught me how to deal. And he was like, do you think you could get other college kids to come play at our game. I was like, yeah. So I would get kids to come in. I got to learn how to deal, and I got to make money. When you're dealing, can't really lose. So I would start dealing, but then what happens happens is I take the money I make from dealing, and then I would play on other nights, I'd go up to the casino, and then I just lose there.

[0:11:22] Billy: We just keep moving the money around. Yeah, but now I'm in the underground poker scene. I'm going to poker clubs around. It's like that movie Rounders. Like that. I'm running around the city playing with old men when I'm not dealing cards. And all this money is really just funneling back into the gambling. I started webcamming junior year college. I webcammed for a couple of years, did all right. I was, like, making $100 to $500 a week very casually, just sitting in there doing webcamming.

[0:11:52] Brianne Davis: What do you mean?

[0:11:53] Billy: You know what webcamming is?

[0:11:55] Brianne Davis: I know, but I want you to answer.

[0:11:57] Billy: Oh, webcamming people don't know. Or pretending they don't know is that yeah, I'd sit in a chat room and when dudes or dudes pretending to be women wanted to watch me take my clothes off or touch myself or do something kind of like one time a guy was just like, I just want you to sit around fart, pick your nose, be a gross dude. Which is weird because I know all the lyrics to Rent, and I'm like, I don't think I'm like the dude I am. Make money per minute, like $3 a minute talking to people, and if they want me to take my clothes off or jerk off, I could do that. Can I swear on this? I didn't.

[0:12:37] Brianne Davis: Yes.

[0:12:38] Billy: This show is okay. Awesome. Fuck. Now this is money that goes back into the gambling. I did a lot. I hustled hard in college. I estimate that I probably made about six figures in my four years in college. On the side, between the poker dealing and the webcamming, I did, like, textbook buybacks, and I also like, I fucking sold fake IDs. Which, by the way, I have the research statute of limitations this morning just to make sure I could talk about this comfortably on a recorded show. But I used to deal fake IDs all four years of college.

[0:13:14] Brianne Davis: Yeah, so you would make them, or you found somebody to make them?

[0:13:18] Billy: No, I knew a guy. I'm very North Jersey Italian like that. I don't do anything. I know a guy.

[0:13:24] Brianne Davis: You know a guy who knows a guy, and then they help.

[0:13:27] Billy: Yeah, well, like, I grew up on my dad operates on the guy's system. My dad's got a guy for everything. He's like, oh, Billy, you need new tires. Oh, you got to go use my tire guy. Gary, here's what you're going to do. You're going to go to hackensack. You're going to go to corner second and south fourth. You're going to go to Gary's Used Tire Shop and Grill. Okay? Naturally, of course, because that's where the guy is going to operate something sketchy. Weird business. What time we fucking. We're going to the jets game. When I was a kid, and we stopped at this shut down gas station, and there's legit a white van in there. And in the back of the white van, there's a bunch of knock off, like jets and Giants.

[0:14:09] Billy: Merch my dad makes very good money. My dad's one of those top percent people. He's fine, but I think he grew up a bit on the poorer side, so I think that's still in him. So he's like, oh, I know I could take you to Sport Authority and buy you a proper jets hoodie.

[0:14:27] Brianne Davis: But he wants a discount. He wants it under, like in the dirty cellar basement.

[0:14:35] Billy: Makes him feel like a kid again. He's like, oh, no, we're going to do this. No, I've been doing this for decades. We go to the gas station to the guy in the van. So I had a guy who made IDs. And at first it was like, oh, can I get mine? Great. But then what would happen is like, oh, some of my friends wanted one. So I was like, hey, I got a few friends who need okay, cool. And they say, hey, if you could get this many people, I'll give you this discount on them. I'm like, can? Okay. So I was like, okay, let me get him five at a time. I get to keep the difference. That's fun.

[0:15:05] Billy: And then I kept coming back to him. So he's like, look, I'll give you this deal so you can make more money if you want, if you want to keep bringing me big orders. So then I start bringing in bigger orders, like ten at a time, 15 at a time. And over the years, he would upgrade his equipment. So it started with these horrendously, bad New York fake IDs. I feel almost guilty selling them New York fake IDs. But by the time I graduated, he'd upgrade to California and Texas, which at the time was like, crumb. That was like the Rolls Royce of a fake ID was like the California fake. So we could charge more. But then he was giving me these stupid low rates. So he would charge me like $40 per ID. When if you went directly to him, he charged you over $100. So he charged me like, $40. I would charge like 200 or $160.

[0:15:55] Brianne Davis: You're making good money.

[0:16:00] Billy: That was my biggest money maker, was the brokering fake IDs. And I would tell friends, I would be like, hey, get me ten friends. I'll give you yours free. So now they're bringing me a cluster, and I'm getting all this on the top. By senior year, what was happening was kids would go home, they'd use a fake ID. Their friends from the other schools, wherever they lived would be like, oh, yours is great. And they put me in touch. So then by senior year, I'm mailing like, ten to 20 IDs at a time to the University of Oregon or like, I don't know, something Texas. I'm mailing shit across.

[0:16:33] Brianne Davis: Very illegal entrepreneurial. I'm kind of proud of you in a very disturbing way. I don't know why. I'm like, Good for you. Good money making scheme. Maybe that's the addict in me. I'm like, yeah, that's a good tactic.

[0:16:48] Billy: Yeah. I was always a hustler. Even if I did textbook buybacks during final season, I was fucking carrying around in a big suitcase, going door to door at every door, and I'm knocking on every door saying, I want to buy your textbooks. I liked making money. I liked being good at that. But it always really to feed gambling. The gambling book would be titled something like How I Made Six Figures in College and How I Lost It all. Because when I graduated, I didn't, like, have this money. Like, it just it was at a variety of poker clubs and casinos, you know, and so that's college is where it really started to soar when I graduated, then I just had more freedom. Now I'm like, I can freely drive and go up or take the bus to Mohegan or Atlantic City or whatever. So now I have more time to do things because I was just pursuing comedy full time. I had some money. I had a little nest egg thing that could live off for about a year. But I'm pretty much just like, I'm dealing poker and I'm gambling.

[0:17:51] Brianne Davis: It's almost like you were enjoying being in the CD underworld with it.

[0:17:55] Billy: There is a sense of community to that. So I play back gaming. If people don't know what back m is, ask your grandparents or dead all seance ask them then, because it's either you're a junkie like me or you're over 60. Like, no one plays Backham. Nobody during COVID Yeah, nobody. It's like you'd say Backham and they're like, what? But if you have someone's like Jewish grandfather, you say chess pesh and be like, oh, yes, I know this game. So I started playing. I learned. I always knew I played back am, and I would play with the pizza boss from back in the day. He taught me, like, the basics, but I wasn't very good. Now I'm fucking slam him. I'm much better at him now. But then I saw someone in Washington Square Park with a back ammon board. I was like, oh, I'd love to play back ammon.

[0:18:41] Billy: They hang out with the chess people. It's kind of all that little crew.

[0:18:44] Brianne Davis: Yeah.

[0:18:44] Billy: Then I start playing back ammon, but they play for money because they're like, well, I can't waste my time doing this. So I am learning how to gamble with backgammon now. By the way, I've already stopped the figure game. Yeah.

[0:19:03] Brianne Davis: You can't just play for fun.

[0:19:06] Billy: I would have, but these grown men wouldn't because those guys in the park, they're working, those are hustlers, the chess guys in the back of and people in Washington Square Park, union Square, they're hustling. That's kind of their work job. Sometimes they do lessons as like, a guarantee, but otherwise they gamble chess, they gamble Back Avenue. So now I've got a new game I can play with and lose my money on. And in 2013, in the summer of 2013, I had a really bad session. I pretty much lost the last of my money. I was trying to find a job. I was having trouble finding a regular day job or whatever. I was still dealing with poker, but I kind of wanted to stop doing that. And I had a big bad loss to the point that was like, I got to owe this guy money, and then I had to move out of my apartment and move back home.

[0:19:54] Brianne Davis: How much did you owe?

[0:19:56] Billy: Okay, it wasn't a lot of money, but I was just, like, kind of running on fumes in the first place. So it was like rent. Yeah, I was bottoming out. I was like, hey, I can give you 300 now, but I'm going to owe you like, another seven or whatever the number was because I don't have it, and one day I'll have it. I'll give it to you. But I didn't have to tell my roommates, like, hey, I got to move out next month. And I moved back home for like, nine or ten months, something like that. I was like, okay, I got to chill the fuck out. The gambling kind of went on pause. I started looking for an actual job. And then when I did get an office job, I worked my way back to the city, paid that guy back, but the itch is still there. And then around that time, online poker got legalized in New Jersey. So now I've got another place. You see the patterns. Like, I am presented with new these are fun games.

[0:20:52] Billy: It's like, oh, my God, it's fun. Here's a new way to have risk.

[0:20:55] Brianne Davis: And to alive and get the jolt in the high. And it's all colors. They made it all colorful now online.

[0:21:03] Billy: Yeah, but quickly back with the back, because you mentioned that I did the CD underground sitting. Even with the poker, there is community. So right now, if you go to the Union Square right now in New York City and you go to the chess guys, most of them know me, and I know that because I've been playing with them and hanging out with them for like a decade at this point. Like, some of them I'm sincerely friendly with, right? We bust each other's balls. I say, hey, what's up? Sometimes I go by and hang out for ten minutes. I'm not even playing. I'm just like watching a game or catching up or something because I talk about sex for a living. Like I have an only fan. So they're like, Billy, man, what's doing on your only fans, man? What's she doing there? Who'd you bang, man?

[0:21:52] Brianne Davis: If people want to join, you can join. We'll link it in the description.

[0:21:56] Billy: Yeah, but they all know each other. I mean, one guy came over to play a couple of weeks ago. He left his dice. So after this, I go to Union Square on my way to a comedy show. I got to go drop off a guy's dice.

[0:22:09] Brianne Davis: What's going on? You're still doing it?

[0:22:12] Billy: I don't pretend to be in recovery at the end of the story. This is not a story where it ends with me doing the work, giving.

[0:22:19] Brianne Davis: Inspirational quotes at the end. You're not going to be giving no inspiration.

[0:22:23] Billy: No. This is like somewhere in between Rounders and Mississippi grind. You seek Mississippi Grind?

[0:22:30] Brianne Davis: Yes, I did.

[0:22:31] Billy: Brian Reynolds and Ben Mendelsson. That's a terrible gambling movie. You can't have a gambling movie like that. Spoiler alert, cover your ears. Fast forward 30 seconds. If you're still listening now, it's your fault. That movie ends with him winning and he wins a lot.

[0:22:49] Brianne Davis: Yeah, that's not a true scenario.

[0:22:53] Billy: Well, here's the thing. It is a possible true scenario. It's not like nobody ever wins like that. It's just like that's not healthy for me to see all the great gambling movies they end either neutral either it was like they were down and they were working away to even, or they lose it all and they like, have a come to Jesus moment. But like, this is the first gambling movie I saw. It's like they're depicting an addiction. Ben Mendelsson's character is terrible. He is off the rocks. He's rock bottom. Even when he hits rock bottom, you didn't think it could go Lord. Then Ryan Reynolds comes into his life. That goddamn beautiful, man. Ruins it even further. But then at the end, he wins.

[0:23:30] Brianne Davis: I know, but you have to understand but that's what society does. It glamorizes those scenarios. Just like for me and I talked about it recently, is like, The Notebook is like the worst movie for sex and love addicts because the cheating she's doing, I'll kill myself if you don't go out with me. I'll drop off the spares wheel and it's like it's all a bunch of bullshit. That's not actually how it ends. Like, those relationships end. So I get you where you're like, oh, I want that. I want someone to kill themselves for me.

[0:24:00] Billy: Well, when I saw Mississippi Grind, like, I'm very cognizant of my addiction. So I'm watching that, knowing that this is not a good movie. I'm watching it being like, yes, he's losing. This is correct. This is how it should go. If you want a really good depiction of the gambling addiction, there's this movie that does it just I've never seen anything so realistic. It's on Netflix. It's called win. It all starts I think his name is Jake Johnson, that dude from the new guy. He's in Tag. It's really good. And he tapped into a thing where I'm like, I have felt all these emotions that you were feeling in all these moments, and that was really true to form. I'm getting goosebumps now remembering it. I'm scared to watch it again because it just so he nails it. It's weird having a struggle like this where I'm also not trying to fix it because I don't think I can.

[0:24:49] Billy: I went eight months one time without gambling in college because I had a really bad night. I had a big loss. I probably lost, like $1,000, which, when you're a college kid, is a lot. Yes, but also I became ugly. I snapped at a lady at the table who was, like, being upsetting. And I was playing with adults. So to them, we were playing low stakes. To them, one hundred dollars to five hundred dollars buy in. To me, that $200 was a fucking lot. And so I probably did five rebuys or something like that. At one point, she was like, how much are you in for? And I fucking snapped. I mean, it's a little rude to ask the question, but I got ugly, and I didn't like what came out of me. And so I was like, pause. Went to a college professor.

[0:25:34] Billy: I missed class the next day. I was so down. And then when I went to him after that, I was like, hey, man, this is why I missed class. He's like, Look, I don't want to overstep. I've taken this guy, like, multiple classes, so he knows me. And he gave me the number of a friend of his who's a psychoanalyst, started seeing her. I went eight months without part of that was because I didn't have enough money to gamble the way I enjoyed a gamble. But also, part of it was like, I wasn't buying dollar scratches. I was like, I was really trying to stop. I made it eight months. That was the longest I've ever gone.

[0:26:04] Brianne Davis: And so what made you start again after that eight months?

[0:26:08] Billy: I got some money. It's easy to not gamble if you don't have money with which to gamble.

[0:26:16] Brianne Davis: So you got money, and then all that work that you did or that just being just went out the window again.

[0:26:23] Billy: It just will slowly be like, look, you go up, you can go down, but you end down. I also have a hard time leaving. Like, for poker table, it's hard to leave because there's also, like again, it can be social, right? So you can go and you're making friends. You're cracking jokes. I'm getting attention. I grew up with basically no friends. I got bullied real bad. So when I found myself in a space. That was accepting me and enjoying my company and laughing at my jokes. Whether that's in the comedy scene or in this scene or later in the dating scene, it's like, it feels warm, it feels nice. I'm like, oh, these people like me. Even if they don't, I'm thinking they do. There's also a little bit of addiction to the it was more fun to go to a poker club in the city than to a casino and play by myself for 15 hours straight. I think my longest run on casino floor was like 27 hours.

[0:27:12] Billy: I went 27 hours straight, no stop. I would stop for food or to take a piss, but I wasn't going to sleep 27 hours straight on the floor. I was doing well. It might have fenced, but I was doing well. I'm like, I can't stop.

[0:27:26] Brianne Davis: But see, I'm not a gambler. So when I'm sitting here listening to you saying 27 hours and you're up, I'm like, Walk away. Take the money, walk away.

[0:27:37] Billy: I think I did end up for that session, if I recall. I don't think I left being like, what did I just do? But I've also had a lot of times where I spent 7 hours somewhere and then I left down three grand. And I'm like, what did I just do? And it's really tough and it's really dark. And again, because of my work and because of being a comedian, I have a lot of material on gambling. But in the real world, like, right now, what we're doing, even though it's a podcast, podcasting is more real to me. I don't get to talk about it and it's a little tough. It's weird. It's also weird to say, I know this is bad and I'm choosing not to stop.

[0:28:13] Brianne Davis: But I just think that's honest. I love even when people are in their place of where they're numbing out or going to define community, that might not be the healthiest or this activity that gets them higher, that excitement that you're willing to say, I know it's bad, but I'm not stopping.

[0:28:34] Billy: Yes, I can control it sometimes. But as you know, in any addiction, if you're not supposed to try to control it in a certain way. But I'd always be like, well, okay, I'll be cognizant of like, well, why do I want to gamble? And if it's not a good reason, I won't gamble now. But if it feels like natural, then I'll do it. But no matter what, it will always end up with, even if it's not that session, it will lead to a session that is really bad. Not just for my personal health, not even just for my bank account, but for my life. There's time that I don't get back. Something I'm realizing is like, I'm losing time and I don't get that time back. And that's time that's not going towards my creative pursuits. That's time not going towards friendships. Time not going towards fucking yoga, right?

[0:29:16] Brianne Davis: Because you're using 27 hours. Just like the guy I talked to last week that lost 14 hours playing a video game and not participating in life or even what I used to do is being obsessed with this romantic person that was unavailable. I lost time. You are losing time.

[0:29:34] Billy: The amount of time you've spent scrolling someone's Instagram feed to be like, okay, but is he back with her?

[0:29:41] Brianne Davis: Well, luckily, in my bottoming out days, there was no social media. I can't imagine if I was still an Attic with social media, I would just probably lose my mind and not be on this planet, to be honest. I can't imagine. But you're still in it. So I guess my last question for you is where are you now with it, now that we have this conversation?

[0:30:05] Billy: Yeah, I've tried going to gamblers. I've been to Gamblers Anonymous a few times. I think like, three times. I've been the Gamblers Anonymous over the last ten years. I don't really like it because they say to be a member, the first thing you have to do is have a desire to quit gambling. And I don't want to quit gambling. I just want to stop losing. I joke that I think Gamblers Anonymous should be a weekly meeting where we come together and learn how to be better gamblers. This isn't heroin. We can be better. This is like heroin where if we do the math rights, it can work out better. Let's all learn how to count cards. It hasn't been my vibe, partially. I don't know how it differs from AA. The way you can participate is a lot more limited if you're newer.

[0:30:57] Billy: Unless you have X amount of months or a year, you're just limited in participation, which I don't like. I like talking. So, like, let me talk, and if I can't talk, then I want to be here.

[0:31:11] Brianne Davis: You just can't talk more than three minutes.

[0:31:13] Billy: You can share, but you can't do cross talk.

[0:31:15] Brianne Davis: Whatever the cruise talk, you can't talk about other people when you're in those meetings, especially with money, sex, and food, you can't cross talk.

[0:31:25] Billy: Yeah, I've been to other types of meetings, like for a friend where I went to an Allen On thing once and was like, okay, you could participate a little more. And so I just didn't like the vibe. Where am I at with it now? I'm just like, you know what? When I do have the extra cash, I'm not first thinking about how I can gamble it. I'm in a more adult mode, so there's a little bit of help where there's limited resource. And the resources I do have, I have things I do want to do with them. So it's helpful to go into a casino. I won't go to a casino with less than $1,000. Frankly, if I'm going to do Gamble Casino the way I like to do it, I prefer to have at least two grand. It's almost like it feels like not worth it. Because if I got to drive 3 hours and 3 hours back, I want to spend X amount of time and I'd like to at least make X amount of money if I win. If I win and I'm able to leave. So really the most gambling I end up doing is the back gaming. And the winter is helpful because it's fucking cold.

[0:32:26] Billy: So I can't go to Union Square and play there for hours. It's gotten better where I'm not going to freeze while I lose. If I'm going to lose, I'll be a little comfortable.

[0:32:35] Brianne Davis: I want to get a suntan. If you're going to lose, I want a suntan while I do it.

[0:32:39] Billy: Yeah. I am in maintenance and like a low volume mode and just doing my best to get out of routine. So sometimes gambling can be part of a routine. If I can create other routines or different subway routes to the same place that bypasses Union Square, that's helpful. If I have other joys in my life, whether that's a partner or practices or I'm like doing a lot of creatively. I've been freelance writing more, so that's helpful. Not only am I being creatively generative, but I'm also making money from that. I've been writing for Mashable recently, so stuff like that. Just being generative at least helps with the maintenance where I don't have enough time and I may have some money and even when I gamble, it's some money. But usually I'm winning $50. I'm losing $50. Okay, sometimes I win $200, but sometimes I lose $500. But I'm able to manage it a little easier. But the best thing so far has been just filling my schedule with generative stuff and that's the best I can do for now.

[0:33:48] Brianne Davis: That makes you feel good and productive?

[0:33:50] Billy: Yeah. And the more the better I feel, the more productive I am, the less desire I have to go spend 8 hours in a park with some potentially homeless people playing back. If I can just folks check me on socials. You search Billy proscida. I pop right up PR o CIDA. And I host a great show called the Man Whore Podcast. Wherever you're listening to Secret Life, you can find me there.

[0:34:17] Brianne Davis: Thank you so much for coming on and sharing your secret. I'm so grateful to know you. This has been such a great episode.

[0:34:24] Billy: Yes, thank you. Thank you. I was happy to be here and.

[0:34:27] Brianne Davis: If you want to be on the show, please email me at SecretLifepodcast@icloud.com. Until next time.

[0:34:34] Billy: Bye.

[0:34:39] Brianne Davis: Thanks again for listening to the show. Please subscribe rate, share or send me a note at secretlifepodcast.com. And if you'd like to check out my book, head over to secretlifenovel.com or Amazon to pick up a copy for yourself or someone you love. Thanks again. See you soon.

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Genie: I’m Engaged to a Level One Sex Offender

Mon, 06 Feb 2023 08:00:00 +0000

Genie shares her unique story of falling in love with a level one sex offender.

TRIGGER WARNING - This episode contains topics that may be triggering. Listener discretion is advised.

In an inspiring and heart-felt discussion, she dives into the complexities of such a relationship, focusing on themes of communication, cycles of abuse, mental health, and remaining hopeful. Genie's story is a powerful reminder to keep an open mind and to be understanding of the struggles faced by those who have made mistakes and are on a journey of redemption. With the help of Brianne Davis, author of a book about her experiences, Genie encourages all listeners to look beyond the label of 'sex offender' and to find empathy for those in her situation. Tune in to gain insight into the struggles of remaining in a love relationship with a sex offender and the importance of paying attention to online dangers.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

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To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

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SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

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Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

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Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
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Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Transcript

[0:00:00] Genie: My fiance was set up in a sting and did not know it, but he was communicating with a said minor, but wasn't a minor.

[0:00:15] Brianne Davis: Welcome to the Secret Life Podcast. Tell me your secret, I'll tell you mine. Sometimes you have to go through the darkness to reach the light. That's what I did. After twelve years of recovery in sex and love addiction, I finally found my soulmate myself. Please join me in my novel, Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex and Love Addict, a four time bestseller on Amazon. It's a brutal, honest, raw, gnarly ride, but hilarious at the same time. Check it out now on Amazon.

Welcome to Secret Life Podcast. I'm Brianne Davis-Gantt. Today, I'm pulling back the curtains of all kinds of human secrets. We'll hear about what people are hiding from themselves or others. You know, those deep, dark secrets you probably want to take to your grave. Or those lighter, funny secrets that are just plain embarrassing. Really?

[0:01:13] Brianne Davis: The how, what, when, where, and live at all. Today. My guest is Genie. Now, Genie, I have a question for you. Dun dun dun. What is your secret?

[0:01:23] Genie: My secret is I am engaged to a level one sex offender.

[0:01:27] Brianne Davis: Oh, okay. What is a level one sex offender?

[0:01:31] Genie: Level one is usually not one that you would be able to look up on any regular data site, only because their offenses are so minimal. It could be, you know, public urination, it could be light and decent indecent exposure. And in my case, my fiance was set up in a sting and did not know it, but he was communicating with a said minor, but wasn't a minor.

[0:01:57] Brianne Davis: Okay, take us back. First of all, how long have you been with him?

[0:02:01] Genie: Well, we started dating in early 2021. That's when we met.

[0:02:06] Brianne Davis: And how did you meet?

[0:02:08] Genie: We met on an online dating site. The most popular one that's out there, tinder. But he had already been. And prior to that and what had got him to that point of communicating with that said person? He was already down a rabbit hole of addiction and being meeting people for just sex. And he was on Adult Friend finder a couple of other I call him sleazy dating sites. And he was down a dark path.

[0:02:34] Brianne Davis: So he was addicted to the fantasy of the other person online?

[0:02:41] Genie: Well, I think when the person is not naturally attracted to younger people, he was just the act of being sexually engaged with anyone who was easy and readily available. That was his target. If you were ready to go, do.

[0:02:57] Brianne Davis: You think if it's even that, is it? What did he ever say to you? And I know we're jumping already into it, and I want to backtrack a little, but did he ever say to you because it was, like, a little wrong, he was communicating with her? Because as we get more in our addiction, it gets darker. And cedar and the things you thought you wouldn't do, you find yourself doing self doing. Yes.

[0:03:23] Genie: I don't think he ever entertained that thought enough to think that he would go that direction. It was just all about real meet, have sex, be done, never talk to that person again, or if they called him back, maybe. And when I met him, his intent for me was to be a friends with Benefit. And I was like, well, okay, I see that's the route you want to go. I had been in the dating scene, too, and I didn't quite understand what the friends with benefit was completely defined as. I knew it, but I didn't know it. And when I asked him, so what is your definition of friends with Benefit? He goes, oh, two or three people. I go, don't you think that's a little unhealthy? It gets sloppy. It gets kind of you don't know. Communication can get lost, and you risk the chance of STDs and STIs. And I didn't know about this secret until three months after we started seeing each other and hanging out a lot. And because of my job, too, I worked then with the state, and he knew I was a mandated reporter.

[0:04:26] Brianne Davis: Really? Wait, so he picked a mandated reporter and didn't tell you for three months?

[0:04:32] Genie: Right. But after this, he had already been in the trial part of his case.

[0:04:36] Brianne Davis: Okay.

[0:04:37] Genie: His incident happened three months prior to me.

[0:04:40] Brianne Davis: Can you take us through what actually happened with him so people listening. I want them to hear what actually happened. So he was talking to some multiple.

[0:04:49] Genie: People he was talking to, and one of them, somebody would grab on and kind of communicate a little bit more, and they started talking about meeting up, and she mentioned something. I've read the reports. I've read the psychosexual evaluation. I've read the police reports. I've even seen a cell phone while other details on it. The said young lady said that she was scared to do it at first because she hadn't actually had sex with somebody of his stature statue and was hesitant about it. And he goes, oh, well, we can take it slow, and we can do it oral. And I said, So you did want to do this? He goes, yeah, but I kind of entertained it to the fact that I knew it was going and meeting her in a public place and meeting her to say, are you sure you really want everyone your life like this? That's what he discussed with me afterwards. And I said, So you wouldn't have met her in a private place knowing that how old she said was? And he goes, no, I don't think I could have actually went through with the act.

[0:05:39] Brianne Davis: And how old did she say she was?

[0:05:41] Genie: 1515.

[0:05:43] Brianne Davis: And how old is he?

[0:05:44] Genie: He was in his early 40s.

[0:05:47] Brianne Davis: Okay, so did he end up meeting her, or he went to the place.

[0:05:52] Genie: And then went to the public place. And as soon as he pulled up, they knew exactly what car he was, who would he look like. They immediately arrested him, didn't tell him what it was about. They took him from one place, and they grilled him, saying, how would you like this if this was your daughter? Blah, blah, blah. And he knew what was up. He knew what had happened. At that point, he did spend two nights in jail, and when he went, yes, he does. He has two, and they're adults.

[0:06:19] Brianne Davis: Boys or girls?

[0:06:20] Genie: One boy, one girl.

[0:06:21] Brianne Davis: I got you.

[0:06:22] Genie: Okay. And I have three myself, so I have two girls and a boy.

[0:06:26] Brianne Davis: Okay. How old are your kids?

[0:06:28] Genie: Well, one's 24, 21, and 19.

[0:06:32] Brianne Davis: Got it.

[0:06:33] Genie: Well, one was not an adult when I had met him, but after he had told me, I was very careful of watching him and seeing how his responses were and how he was with my kids. Because if I would have gotten any kind of feeling that there was something off, I would have immediately said, yeah, we can't do this. He disclosed it to a couple of people. After he was done, he went through treatment and did the legal treatment that was required. In addition to helping himself, he also had the opportunity of having a counselor free of charge to him. This isn't for everybody. It's only because of his service background. He has access to having extra counseling. So that benefited him, I think, in the most in his healing process and understanding and getting through those ropes of learning. What he did was wrong with the communication of an inappropriate context with a minor. It was a heavy load. When he hit me with this.

[0:07:25] Brianne Davis: I want to talk about that, actually. And then I have more questions about his healing, because I actually want to hear a little more about it. But how was that let's call it D Day when he told you, how did that go? Where were you? How did you feel?

[0:07:37] Genie: We went on a day trip that day. We were doing some cool photography of some vintage cars, and then we stopped at a restaurant, play pool, came back, and then I always drove. It just was a thing I did. And he said, I have something I really need to tell you. It's kind of my own secret. And I was like, okay. And he told me. He disclosed me because I got in trouble with the sting, and this is what happened. And I said, wow, that's a big thing that happened, and I'm really glad you told me. And I handled it very calmly. I didn't freak out on him. And of course, it took me probably about I still communicated with him, and I asked him what his intent was. As we got farther, he opened up more and more and more with me. I did go to counseling myself at that time, and I wanted to understand to me, I think I wanted to know, how can I help this person, even if it's not for me. Maybe it's the next woman that he ends up dating, that he gets the treatment, he gets he gets all the things.

[0:08:36] Genie: His kids appreciate the fact that Dad's done the things for himself, because I think that's the meaningful part. And I told him, I said, don't make this about me ever. I want this to be about what you want to do. I want it to be for your family, for your job, so you don't ever lose it, for your community involvement. Me last, and it took a while. I mean, I had a long discussion, a lot of journaling. I wrote down a lot of stuff. Oh, man, I burned that book. Actually, I called it the Burn Book. Afterwards, I wrote down all the stuff, and then I burned it. But, yes, it was it was pretty impactful, and I did end up disclosing it to my supervisor at work because I knew that I was in that position where if it were ever to be brought up legally and if it were found, I didn't want it to be contingent on me or my job.

[0:09:22] Brianne Davis: And what did they say?

[0:09:24] Genie: She understood it, and because my job the way it was at that point, she was very understanding and keeping it as confidential as possible. And I told her, I promise that he's not going to be in any settings around here, no family events until we know when the legal trial is done. And that's when he was when the legal trial was done. That's when he was labeled as one, and he was on restriction. He had to get travel things to go see me because we were in different counties.

[0:09:53] Brianne Davis: Okay?

[0:09:53] Genie: So he had to get a travel voucher from his probation officer, and he would come down once a week, and I would come up to his place every other week or so like that, and that's how we would see each other. We would go back and forth. Also, when he went to this legal thing, he had asked the judge, asked his attorney that he had hired to say, well, my girlfriend that I'm seeing does have one son that's 17 and a half. Can I put his name on the, you know, being supervised by her? And he they asked the judge that, and he granted it. Okay, so but ever since then, we I after 2021, and then we we dated for probably about a good six or seven months, and then I ended up moving into his place with his kids because then my kids all got their own places and my youngest went to their dads. And none of this was to my understanding in relation to my relationship, except for the fact that Mom's moving on.

[0:10:43] Brianne Davis: Does any of your kids know about it or is this, like, a secret a lot of people don't know?

[0:10:48] Genie: No. I had actually to talk to them a little bit about it. And then I talked to my fiance about it, and I said, this is mostly your story to tell, so if you ever want to sit down and openly talk to them about it and I asked them, I go, do you guys ever want to hear it? And they're like, no, we know what we know, and that's all we need to know. And you know what? They all have a wonder, since it's been about two and a half, almost two years, that we all have a great relationship, and it's worked out. They see him for who he is genuinely as a person now because he's overcome a lot of hurdles. And the reason why he went down that dark path and and became an addicted person because at a young age, he was pushed into being an instant father and married very quickly to a very older woman who already had kids.

[0:11:31] Brianne Davis: So he was he was sexualized very young then.

[0:11:35] Genie: Yes.

[0:11:36] Brianne Davis: If he was with an older woman, whether he was of age or not, that can be a permanent damage to you.

[0:11:42] Genie: Right. And then, of course, that marriage being as long as it was, there was a lot of online 18 years.

[0:11:49] Brianne Davis: Wow.

[0:11:49] Genie: Yeah, there was a lot of what he told me he felt like a doormat in a paycheck, probably about the same time he told me about this legal problem. He felt like a doormat and a paycheck and his wife and his wife's life.

[0:12:00] Brianne Davis: Do you think then he started acting out online to escape that relationship?

[0:12:05] Genie: Oh, he had numerous affairs while he was married.

[0:12:08] Brianne Davis: Right.

[0:12:08] Genie: He was trying to get away from that whole he wanted that connection with somebody who saw something in him, and the only thing he saw that he was useful for was for sex.

[0:12:16] Brianne Davis: Right. Yeah. I mean, listen, I am a sex addict. I'm a sex and love addict, and I totally get when we use our sexuality or try to connect with other people through that, but it's like he went to the extreme because he was so disconnected from himself and his sexuality was taken away.

[0:12:34] Genie: Exactly. Yeah.

[0:12:37] Brianne Davis: So how far did it go down? Did he ever meet any minors or was that the first and only one, or have you asked him?

[0:12:44] Genie: That was the first and only one, and I did ask him that. I asked him if he was ever attracted to him. I even went back and reading your book, too, and I asked him I go, did you ever have any incidences in your younger life where you may have been exposed to these kind of things? Because that's what I've seen a lot when I work with my former job, is seeing a pattern of exposure, and it just kind of continues. And it's one of those things that either people either can identify it, learn to get the treatment and stop it, or they can continue to choose doing that same thing over and over again until they don't see a problem with it.

[0:13:15] Brianne Davis: And what did he say when you asked him that?

[0:13:17] Genie: He never had that kind of exposure. He lost his virginity at an older age.

[0:13:22] Brianne Davis: I know, but even with porn and stuff, did he look at porn at a young age? Because that's a big factor.

[0:13:29] Genie: He may have had touch and go with that, but he never told me that he was ever addicted to the porn or anything. To me from what my background of going through the schooling that I went through and also understanding background for casework. There's nothing that significance a red flag to me that says, oh, he had this kind of exposure as a youngster, and this is why. It's just a lot of I think a lot of it mostly had to do with his parents being divorced, his dad not coming around, not having that love and connection attention, and being married to an older woman and still then falling in that whole trap of not feeling the love and connection. And it just seems like it's playing.

[0:14:07] Brianne Davis: Online and those connections that feel real but they're actually false connections and then the stakes keep getting higher to get the hit and high you want.

[0:14:16] Genie: Absolutely.

[0:14:20] Brianne Davis: Does he get online anymore now or is that a no go?

[0:14:24] Genie: Very little no. He's only on a couple of very social medias and he allows me to look at what he has.

[0:14:30] Brianne Davis: Good.

[0:14:30] Genie: He has no problem with me looking at what he has. There used to be a time in the beginning of our relationship his phone was always faced down, he'd always have notifications off. And I knew for the probably about the first six months he was still coming off of that high of being connected to those people.

[0:14:45] Brianne Davis: Yeah, it takes a while. It's very hard to go cold turkey off of online anything, even online gaming, it's hard to go cold turkey. It's very difficult.

[0:14:58] Genie: Even in the beginning of our relationship, I had caught him. He was going to hook up with some gal after we had had a huge weekend, a holiday weekend together. And then he was trying to persuade the neighbor that lived over at another place that we lived at together and I caught it and he tried to lie about it at first, but then he felt really bad and he backed down and it was just like it was wrong. I should have never flirted with her, I should have never kissed her on even though we were seeing each other, I was just thinking, I can get away with it.

[0:15:30] Brianne Davis: And that was do you know why he did that? Why you guys were getting closer, why he did that?

[0:15:36] Genie: I do, but I don't. It's like I can't go in his brain and actually pinpoint what it is, but he can only go by what he tells me.

[0:15:43] Brianne Davis: Well, it's a definite fear of intimacy. So if you're getting closer to him in real life, he does anything he can to make that disconnection and go somewhere else. It's him chasing still that fantasy at that time because it was getting too real, probably, for you guys.

[0:16:01] Genie: That is probably exactly it, because it was right before I had moved in with him.

[0:16:05] Brianne Davis: That's what always happens. I was talking with somebody and they were like, every time we go, my boyfriend and I go on a family vacation, he picks a fight with me afterwards. And I'm like, yeah, because he's terrified of real intimacy. So he picks a fight with you because it was too real, and he didn't come from that background, so he doesn't know how to process it.

[0:16:27] Genie: That's right. That's a very good analogy. One of the books that I did read with him, and I'm probably sure you're familiar with it, it's called out of the Shadows by Patrick Carnes.

[0:16:36] Brianne Davis: Yes, I love that book.

[0:16:38] Genie: Oh, my gosh. If anybody's ever going through this kind of process. And one thing I do want to disclose about him being a sex offender and I don't want people to turn away from these people. Yes, there's people that have got extreme patterns of child molestation, rape and things like that, but with his being a level one, the way it was and going through the treatment is not an easy process because these people have to pay for this. It's no different from drug rehab. You have to pay for it. And if you can't get a job anywhere because of those legal things that you have pressed against you, then how are you able to afford the treatment to go forward?

[0:17:14] Brianne Davis: Yeah, it's a lot of money. People with this addiction, this tendency, it's really hard to get recovery.

[0:17:21] Genie: Yeah, I think it was about $400 every month for him. And he would have meetings once a week, and he would tell me all about the meetings. I've never told him to tell me anything. I let him do I said, if you want to share, that's great. I'm here to be here to listen to you and help you through anything. And that's why when I read that book, I literally went through and I understood every piece of it, so I knew how to support him, and that was a big thing. And then I read well, I listened to yours on audiobook, but all those resources I got all my resources together. It's like, if I'm going to be anything, this man, I'm going to be a resource and help for him and get him through this. Like I said, I didn't want him to make it about me. I wanted it to be for himself and his family first. Yeah.

[0:18:03] Brianne Davis: And I think it's really beautiful as a partner, the non judgmental and not taking it on. It's about you. I even work with a lot of partners and help them see like, this addiction has nothing to do with you. If he's going to go do that, it has no reflection of you. It's his own. But then I always have what in you, though, are not showing up. What in you depicts somebody unavailable, but it seems like he's doing the work. So you're showing up completely available and saying, here, you have to do your work and it's all on you. But I will show up for you to see how it's different, how you're handling it. And majority of the people, because they make it about them and it's not about them. He has a disease. He has a sickness. He's trying to escape himself in some way.

[0:18:46] Genie: Exactly. Yeah. And I really dug deep into that because I wanted him to know that I want to understand every element of this. So I know everything that even when you talk about the whacka Mole addiction, like, he used to also be a smoker, and he just recently quit smoking. And so I said, so have you found yourself finding addiction to anything else? And then lately it's been I call it the TikTok rabbit hole.

[0:19:12] Brianne Davis: TikTok is a huge one. That is a huge addiction, actually. It's bad. So what is he doing now? So he's going down that rabbit hole of watching videos.

[0:19:23] Genie: Yeah, and I want to back it up just a little bit. But before then, when he was going to counseling and I was going to counseling and because we had had those hurdles of him still trying to interact with people and trying to get better and then going into counseling, I actually sat down and said, let's come up with healthy things that we can do. So we started doing more stuff in the kitchen. We started making cakes together, we started making other recipes together. We've gone camping. Another thing we did is, I don't know if you've seen those glass cubes that people put like fairy lights in, but instead of putting fairy lights in every time we went out somewhere, like even a coaster or a menu or something small that we could put in their little shrinkage, and we started collecting memory jars. We're on our fifth one right now. And they're positive things. I always told him, let's think of positive things that we can change, those negative things that you are so easily fallen into. And I think that was the biggest thing, is another part of me working with him to better himself.

[0:20:18] Brianne Davis: But I also love that, yes, I'm all about positivity, but there's a time and a place for it. So he still had to go through the negative stuff with his therapy, his groups, whatever he's doing, and then you be there next to him and then trying to expand his life instead of making it smaller.

[0:20:38] Genie: Right.

[0:20:38] Brianne Davis: I don't look at it as positivity. I just look at it as you expanding you guys'life together.

[0:20:44] Genie: That's a good way to put it. Definitely. It's like I try not to monitor him, but I do monitor him. I think that's just my fear of him going down that addiction hole. But I think we're kind of far enough away from it now. But I always do check in.

[0:20:59] Brianne Davis: I think it's important. The first five to ten years, you kind of have to do check ins. I don't ever suggest to make sure you're checking it 24/7. But when you're getting out of this specific addiction, it is the hardest one to get out of it, and you have to be diligent and little things can trigger you just even seeing something on a website. So it is always important for them to have accountability. Like for me, I had accountability with my partner. It just is it's? You showing up authentically, but there has to be no judgment on the other side. And I think that's where you have a good balance with it.

[0:21:39] Genie: Yes. And that is one of our strong suits from coming from both of our rocky marriages that we've had. And the lack of communication was the hardest part that we didn't understand a lot from our marriage. It just wasn't there. And I think that's what has helped us in our relationships, like communication, communication, communication. We have to talk about it. Even if it's the nitty gritty and it hurts and it feels like it's just ugly, we have to talk about it.

[0:22:08] Brianne Davis: You do. Communication is the most important. But I am going to ask you a question, and it's going to be might be difficult to answer, because if someone has a young child that this has happened to them, what would you say to them? How would you explain his side to them to make them feel understanding? Or maybe there's nothing you can say, so I don't know. So I was wondering if you've ever thought about that.

[0:22:36] Genie: I have thought about that. I was with him when he was really restricted as far as the restriction goes, too. They even monitor his phone. Yeah, he monitors electronic devices on any communication. Anything he searched. If you searched anything about anatomy, they would have dinged him and he would have been in trouble by his PO and heartbeat. I think when I was out in public with him, there was a lot of questions asked, even from his treatment counselor, saying, did you have a kid come up and touch you or bump into you? If something like that happens, you need to say something and express it and tell people and people in your group how you feel. I think if there was anything that I could tell that there was something discomforting, like if a kid was being too close to him and he was just like, I need to get this makes me uncomfortable. I don't want to get in trouble again. I don't want to feel like I'm going to get prosecuted for this kid coming at me. So I think it's just about us learning boundaries, and because we're much older and our kids are much older, and of course there's going to be kids coming into our life that are younger from them having their children. It's his story to tell. Again, I've always said it's his story to tell. And if he feels that it's something that's going to make him uncomfortable in a setting, in a place with lots of children around, then I've always told him, we can go.

[0:23:54] Genie: We can leave. We don't have to stay here.

[0:23:56] Brianne Davis: Okay. And if any parents that have dealt with that they're younger kids talking to older people online, what would be your advice for them just because you've dealt with it on the other side?

[0:24:09] Genie: As a parent myself, I monitored my kids devices. I paid for it, I monitor it, amen. And I hate it when people sit there. Well, my kid won't take their device away. They don't need it. You tell them you'll pick them up and drop them off, you'll be there. Do it like you did in the 80s.

[0:24:27] Brianne Davis: You didn't even have a cell phone or a phone.

[0:24:31] Genie: I'm picking you up at so and so's house, and if you're not there, I know you were lying. But also working part of my line of work that I worked with, reading cases, there were young girls who had been sexualized younger.

[0:24:44] Brianne Davis: Well, then, mostly likely, there's a brokenness about them. I work with a lot of young girls, especially 15 and 16 year olds. And anybody that's online looking for that connection is lacking a connection in their real life that's just exactly some damage was done, some abandonment, some low self esteem, fear of intimacy, fear of being loved. But I believe that this social media world we live in is making it a thousand times worse.

[0:25:15] Genie: Definitely. And it's tough. And even in the field where I'm at now, I won't disclose because I don't want too much to get out there, but I see people, even the kids that are on these cases, on Zoom, and I see their Zoom profile picture, and then they come on, and I'm like, Whoa. I would have instantly thought that person that was in that picture was over 20 years old. And I thought, how dangerous? When I know that that person that's really on that Zoom is under 18.

[0:25:42] Brianne Davis: Yeah. So scary. And wanting to grow up so quickly as well. There's always that need. As a young child, I mean, I even wanted to grow up quickly. We all do. But we have to protect the innocent, even from themselves, right? I do have one more question I'm dying to ask. I do have a son. We were just talking about the same thing. But how do I protect my son? He's four and. A half. But how do I protect him from online creditors, however they are, innocent or not, how do I protect him?

[0:26:17] Genie: Again, monitoring him? What is he going on and educating him? That's not a safe place. There's probably people in there that are not okay to talk to you. And if somebody asks you questions that you don't feel comfortable, you tell me right away. Even some of the stuff that my kids used to play, like called penguin back in the day, there was always somebody on there, and they would start cursing them. Oh, my God, mom, this person's cursing at me. And I might report them, report them right away because I don't know who they are. I don't know. There could be some 30 something year old playing around on the kids game and trying to get kids. And like I said, I monitored a lot of stuff. I monitor even snapchat. I monitored my kids on that. They told me some kid was getting ready to want to fight another kid. I said shut it down.

[0:27:04] Genie: Don't get in the middle of it, and we're going to take it to school.

[0:27:07] Brianne Davis: Yes, I love that. That's great too. I love having you on. Is there anything else you want to share that you feel like you need to come on and talk about so people understand the other side of this behavior?

[0:27:20] Genie: I don't like it when people sit there and generalize that all sex offenders are bad. They should be shot or killed or hurt or something in that way. I think as a society that's already lacking a lot of strength in the mental health field, that we really need to take a step back and saying, you know what? They're still in our community. They're still around. We don't know what it is.

[0:27:39] Brianne Davis: They're still human. They're still breathing.

[0:27:40] Genie: They're still human. And it's easy for a sex and love addict to fall in that trap because it's that fine line, and all of a sudden you could just go right over there and be like, oh, I really didn't want to go that far. And I just really wish the world or the United States in general would really focus on mental health a lot more. And I wish it wasn't so expensive so these people can get the treatment they need, so they can stop the cycle. Because when they don't get the treatment they need, they're right back on the street doing what they've been normally doing to survive.

[0:28:15] Brianne Davis: It's a survival tactic to numb out and not be in reality. That's all it is. It really is. It's living in fantasy so you don't have to live in reality with how you're feeling.

[0:28:25] Genie: Right? And there are some that are against the grain with the whole thing. Like I said, I've read cases where people are non registered sex offenders target younger young women or women in general with young kids, and they just perpetrate on them and drug habits. And it's just like, again, if we had the money going the right direction for those things, we would have a lot of healthier people.

[0:28:48] Brianne Davis: I did the extreme cases, for sure. The ones that have raped or hurt children in that way, there is a perversion that they want to take the innocence because they never had that innocence. So I was talking one time to a professional about it. She specializes in it. That is a mental health issue that you actually have to go and work on because they're stuck in this adolescent style of sexuality and wanting to connect to when they were that young.

[0:29:23] Genie: Right.

[0:29:23] Brianne Davis: She had a whole different idea around it, which I found fascinating because, you know, a lot of sexual predators are in essay and slaa and I see them all the time and I'm friends with them that have had issues in the past and they're good people. They were just struggling themselves with mental health, addiction and all of that.

[0:29:46] Genie: Yeah. One thing I explained when my fiance first got into his group setting, I said, I just want you to keep in mind, and this is something that I had to keep in mind when I've read cases a lot was these people didn't just wake up one day and decide, I'm just going to go molest people. No, it was something that the pattern behavior that had happened, something had happened to them. And I could read every psychological background that I've ever read and be like, boom, there it is.

[0:30:11] Brianne Davis: It's generational. Usually it's passed down if it happened in the family, it's usually passed down in generations. If people don't actually do the work, they need to see why that happened to them or heal from.

[0:30:24] Genie: Exactly.

[0:30:25] Brianne Davis: Just like rage, just like violence that happens. It's passed down everything. Yeah.

[0:30:30] Genie: And like I said, it's stopping it with the mental health and wanting it to stop.

[0:30:35] Brianne Davis: Well, I'm so grateful to have you on. Thank you so much for sharing your story. Thank you for coming on. Thank you for reaching out to me. I'm honored and I really appreciate it.

[0:30:45] Genie: I appreciate you too. I appreciate your book and everything about it. You helped me a great deal. I had him listen to it. He loved it too. I would have really loved for him to be here, but I thought, I'm going to tell it from my story this time. I'm going to tell it from my point of view.

[0:30:59] Brianne Davis: No, I love it. Thank you. Thank you for doing that.

[0:31:02] Genie: All right, thank you.

[0:31:04] Brianne Davis: And if you want to be on the show, please email me at secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. Until next time.

[0:31:14] Genie: Bye.

[0:31:16] Brianne Davis: Thanks again for listening to the show. Please subscribe rate share or send me a note at secretlifepodcast.com. And if you'd like to check out my book, head over to secretlifenovel.com or Amazon to pick up a copy for yourself or someone you love. Thanks again. See you soon.

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John: I Collect Fake Celebrity Nudes — Over 15,000 of Them

Mon, 30 Jan 2023 08:00:00 +0000

John shares his journey with grief and how celebrity photoshop nude fakes have given him solace. He'll discuss how he's been able to cope with writer's block since his mother's death, and how he's hoping to take his hobby to the next level. Tune in for an intimate look into his healing process, and come out with a newfound perspective on grief.

Host Brianne Davis provides helpful advice, poignant stories, and plenty of laughter. Join John on this emotional, heartfelt journey to find healing and hope on Secret Life.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

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To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

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SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

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Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

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Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
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Transcript

[0:00:00] John: My favorite actress, for example, she'll never, like, do like, nude scenes or anything like that, so I kind of look at the fakes. This is kind of fantasy.

[0:00:19] Brianne Davis: Welcome to the Secret Life Podcast.

[0:00:22] Brianne Davis: Tell me your secret, I'll tell you mine.

[0:00:30] Brianne Davis: Sometimes you have to go through the darkness to reach the light. That's what I did. After twelve years of recovery in sex and love addiction, I finally found my soulmate myself. Please join me in my novel, secret Life of a Hollywood sex and love Addict. A four time bestseller on Amazon. It's a brutal, honest, raw, gnarly ride, but hilarious at the same time. Check it out now on Amazon.

[0:01:01] Brianne Davis: Welcome to Secret Live Podcast. I'm Brianne. Davis-Gantt. Today, I'm pulling back the curtains of all kinds of human secrets. We'll hear about what people are hiding from themselves or others. You know, those deep, dark secrets you probably want to take to your grave. Or those lighter, funnier secrets that are just plain embarrassing. Really the how, what, one way, or live at all. Today. My guest is John. Now, John, I have a question for you. What is your secret?

[0:01:27] John: So my secret is I collect celebrity photoshop, nude, fakes.

[0:01:32] Brianne Davis: How long have you been doing that?

[0:01:34] John: Since 2000.

[0:01:36] Brianne Davis: 2000, okay, so dive in. What made you start doing that? Did you create them yourself? Like, take me back when that all started. Was something going on?

[0:01:48] John: No, I didn't create any at that time. Basically what had happened is I was watching a new TV show that had just come out, I think, andromeda andromeda yeah, it's like a side fiction TV show.

[0:02:03] John: Yeah.

[0:02:04] John: I liked one of the actresses and so I pretty much went to Google, looked for her nude, and stumbled across the fake. And that was the first fake I ever found of her.

[0:02:16] Brianne Davis: Okay.

[0:02:17] Brianne Davis: Did you buy it or do you.

[0:02:18] Brianne Davis: Just take it from is it free? How does that work?

[0:02:22] John: Free? I just found it on Google image search.

[0:02:26] Brianne Davis: Okay.

[0:02:27] John: And pretty much like, just copied the image to my computer at the time was really old.

[0:02:36] Brianne Davis: What do you think it is about the fake? Because there are a lot of celebrity nudes that are real, but you only like the fake ones.

[0:02:44] John: No, it's more back then, she had never done that. Okay, so it's more of a fantasy thing.

[0:02:57] Brianne Davis: Yes. So you've been doing that for almost 23 years.

[0:03:02] John: Yeah, it's slowed down quite a bit. I don't collect as much anymore. Basically, if I see one I like, I just download it and stick it with the rest of them.

[0:03:15] Brianne Davis: So how many do you think you have that's embarrassing? Well, that's why we are here. This is a show where we get to say all those embarrassing things. I have been there. I have said very many embarrassing things.

[0:03:29] John: So I have about last count, over 15,000.

[0:03:34] Brianne Davis: 15,000?

[0:03:36] John: Yeah. Over.

[0:03:37] John: Wow.

[0:03:38] Brianne Davis: Over. Oh, my God. What do you do with them? They just sit there. Do you go through them? Do you, like, celebrate that? Like, what do you do with them?

[0:03:47] John: Sometimes I just look at them and admire the work that went into them. Because some of them you can really tell because some people who make them just do a crappy don't put an effort into it.

[0:04:04] John: Yeah.

[0:04:05] Brianne Davis: So you almost see them as artwork.

[0:04:07] John: Yeah.

[0:04:08] Brianne Davis: And then do you find someone you like or you don't know, and then you go watch all their movies or their TV shows?

[0:04:14] John: Sometimes. And there are some that I found and liked and then later just hated them. Because see, I think I have an OCD thing, and I see one minor detail that's off, and it bugs me.

[0:04:36] Brianne Davis: That's all you focus on.

[0:04:37] John: Yeah.

[0:04:38] Brianne Davis: Got it. So if it's a bad art, if it's bad, do you keep that or do you throw that away or you still keep it?

[0:04:46] John: I keep it. I guess there's some that are just not great that I keep. I think keeping them is nostalgia's sake.

[0:04:54] John: Got it.

[0:04:55] Brianne Davis: So it's almost like somebody collecting baseball cards or something. It sounds like there's this compulsion to it a bit.

[0:05:04] John: Yeah. In the last couple of years, I've kind of started semi getting out of it.

[0:05:11] Brianne Davis: Okay. What does that mean?

[0:05:15] John: I used to look for new ones pretty much every day. Nowadays I look maybe every couple of weeks.

[0:05:26] Brianne Davis: Oh. So what's been going on where you've decreased the searching for them in your life?

[0:05:33] John: Maybe as I get older, I just don't enjoy them as much.

[0:05:36] Brianne Davis: Does anybody in your life know about them?

[0:05:40] John: Three people.

[0:05:41] Brianne Davis: Three people? Who are those three people?

[0:05:43] John: Two were by choice, and one was not by choice.

[0:05:46] Brianne Davis: Oh, so you got caught?

[0:05:48] John: Yeah. So basically the one who caught me was one of my female cousins.

[0:05:55] Brianne Davis: Oh, no. So you went on your computer and and saw them?

[0:05:58] John: I had collected some early this was back in high school, and I had collected some mended day at school. And I brought them home, loaded them on the computer, and forgot to close the images out. She came up to visit, came up to my room and walked in, and I turned around to something else, and all I heard was, what's this?

[0:06:24] Brianne Davis: Oh, my God. Did your stomach drop?

[0:06:27] John: That's one way of putting it in.

[0:06:30] Brianne Davis: Okay. What happened?

[0:06:31] John: We're like sheer panic.

[0:06:33] John: Yeah.

[0:06:34] John: And it's like, adjoked by folks.

[0:06:37] Brianne Davis: How old were you at the time?

[0:06:39] John: Between 16 and 18. And she never did she pretty much.

[0:06:46] Brianne Davis: Just kept that secret?

[0:06:48] John: Yeah. She pretty much said, this is normal. Looking at this kind of stuff is normal, and sat down and just looked through them. And she, like, recognized some of the celebrities. The other two were by choice. This is what I've been doing.

[0:07:08] Brianne Davis: Who were they?

[0:07:09] John: Just good friends.

[0:07:10] Brianne Davis: Okay. And what they say?

[0:07:12] John: Pretty much same thing. Like that kind of stuff is normal.

[0:07:15] John: Yeah.

[0:07:15] Brianne Davis: Looking at porno images and all that is completely normal. But the difference between yours is that they're fake and you know they're fake. So what about it? Do you like that aspect of it that I'm curious about, that you know they're not real, but you still like them.

[0:07:31] John: Well, I guess the closest fantasy, because some celebrities will never do, like, nude scenes or pose nude for magazines. Like, my favorite actress, for example. One of my favorite actresses is named Danielle Panabaker. She'll never do, like, nude scenes or anything like that, so I kind of look at the fakes. This is kind of fantasy.

[0:08:02] Brianne Davis: Yeah, it's complete fantasy. And do you think with looking at those, that it keeps you distant from having a relationship in real life or no.

[0:08:14] John: You mean like a girlfriend or yeah, not really. I kind of don't have much interest in a girlfriend at this point.

[0:08:25] Brianne Davis: Oh, really? Have you ever had a girlfriend?

[0:08:27] John: No, I've just never had the interest.

[0:08:31] Brianne Davis: Okay, here's my question for you. When did you start looking at pornographic images? At what age do you think?

[0:08:39] John: REM high school days.

[0:08:41] Brianne Davis: High school?

[0:08:44] John: I think the first one was Playboy.

[0:08:46] Brianne Davis: So when we look at those images a lot and I've done a lot of work around this, it desensitizes our own sexuality, because then the fantasy is more it becomes everything instead of the reality. The reality of a person being with another person or a woman doesn't match the fantasy. Do you think that's true?

[0:09:10] John: I guess it depends. Now, with fakes, usually people get aroused by this stuff. I don't.

[0:09:21] Brianne Davis: You don't? No, not at all.

[0:09:24] John: Well, I mean, back when I first started collecting, maybe. No.

[0:09:29] Brianne Davis: So interesting. Not at all. So when you look at it and it's just like, oh, that's a great fake, they did a good job with taking her face and putting it on. That's what you look at mostly than the nude.

[0:09:43] John: Yeah, pretty much. Like, a few years ago, I used to use fakes as wallpapers on, like, my tablet.

[0:09:50] Brianne Davis: Yeah.

[0:09:51] John: But now I don't do that much anymore.

[0:09:54] Brianne Davis: Okay.

[0:09:55] John: Mostly because I go out in public a lot now.

[0:09:58] Brianne Davis: So you're getting out of the house?

[0:10:00] John: Yeah.

[0:10:01] Brianne Davis: That's probably why you've been doing less, do you believe? Because you said it's been, like, less used to do it every day and now you're doing it weekly.

[0:10:10] John: Yeah, it's actually possible. I have a few friends I hang out with, and so that kind of helps.

[0:10:18] Brianne Davis: It does help. It does help. I believe when we are stuck with these images, especially when they are fantasy, when we deny ourselves that authentic connection with other human beings, we miss out. And the moment you open yourself up to that and you're getting out of the computer screen with these images and with actual friends, that's what is a real connection.

[0:10:41] John: And I think I started heavily collecting quite a few years ago because of grief?

[0:10:48] John: Yeah.

[0:10:49] Brianne Davis: What were you going through?

[0:10:50] John: My mom died from cancer about 1011 years ago, and that's about when I started heavily collecting.

[0:10:59] John: Yeah.

[0:10:59] Brianne Davis: That's where you found comfort, right?

[0:11:01] John: Yeah.

[0:11:02] Brianne Davis: Not feeling alone. A huge loss.

[0:11:05] John: Yeah. And I read this article online about how one guy got into fakes and it completely destroyed his life.

[0:11:15] John: Yeah.

[0:11:16] Brianne Davis: What did he say in the article? Why it destroyed his life.

[0:11:19] John: He decided to start looking at fakes at his place of employment. I can safely say I've never done.

[0:11:31] Brianne Davis: You haven't done that?

[0:11:32] John: No. But the article also did the flip side where it actually saved somebody's life because I guess, like me, they lost their mother.

[0:11:42] John: Yeah.

[0:11:43] John: And they were thinking about ending stuff, so I guess that saved them.

[0:11:49] Brianne Davis: Well, it did, because we reach for those outside things that we feel connected to, and it doesn't feel safe with another human being, especially if you lost somebody so important to you so they can give you that outlet of connection.

[0:12:02] John: Yeah, I can agree with that.

[0:12:04] Brianne Davis: Have you been doing work on the loss and the trauma of it with your mom?

[0:12:09] John: Yeah, I had a therapist for a while. I think I'm kind of there now. Not easy. Never really all that easy.

[0:12:19] Brianne Davis: No, grief is never easy. We run from grief. But are you finally feeling like you've felt it and moving through it?

[0:12:27] John: Yeah, I think so. I've also got friends I talked to about it, too.

[0:12:32] Brianne Davis: Oh, good.

[0:12:34] John: One of my friends went through the same thing, actually.

[0:12:38] Brianne Davis: Well, that always helps when I'm going through a hard time to find a group of people that have been through similar situations and they have them online. All over online as well. Grief and loss groups.

[0:12:50] John: Yeah. I found this app, actually, called Seven Cups. Kind of like a sort of therapy app where you can go and talk to people.

[0:12:59] John: Yeah.

[0:13:00] John: And it's kind of helped me a bit.

[0:13:02] Brianne Davis: Good.

[0:13:03] John: Now, I have to admit, back when this all happened, I did used to make them.

[0:13:09] Brianne Davis: You did used to make them for a short period. And what did that feel like when you were actually making the fake nude photos of celebrities?

[0:13:18] John: That's hard to describe. Proud that I made one that looked decent, actually, because I still have one I made that is still my favorite.

[0:13:29] Brianne Davis: What is it? Who is it?

[0:13:31] John: Her name is Cody Depblo from the TV show NCIS. And it was like a lingerie style fake, not even nude. And that's still my favorite one I've made.

[0:13:44] Brianne Davis: I know her. She's very nice. But here's the thing. I did want to ask you this, and I know probably our listeners are wondering, do you ever think of the actual person you're doing the nude of? Like, when you're cutting out their face or you're seeing their face and you know that's not them? Do you ever actually think of that.

[0:14:06] John: Person in what way?

[0:14:08] Brianne Davis: I don't know. If they choose not to be nude and then someone puts their face on a new body, have you ever thought about how that could make them feel?

[0:14:16] John: Yeah, that's kind of why I stopped.

[0:14:19] Brianne Davis: Oh, tell me about it. So you had that thought. What was the feelings that came up?

[0:14:23] John: Pretty much just yeah, maybe they don't want this. Yeah, let's not do this.

[0:14:28] John: Yeah.

[0:14:29] Brianne Davis: That they're a human being as well.

[0:14:31] John: Yeah, pretty much that.

[0:14:32] John: Yeah.

[0:14:33] Brianne Davis: And do you think that was one of the reasons about hanging out with friends more, getting out into the world and then that realization that they're humans as well?

[0:14:41] John: Yeah, quite a bit, actually. And I haven't made one in seven, nine years.

[0:14:49] Brianne Davis: Well, it seems like you're kind of an artist, too. Have you ever thought of trying to do something even different with your art because you enjoy art?

[0:14:57] John: It seems like I kind of have. I've started not officially, not like paid stuff, just editing images into wallpapers and just like posting it to a deviant arc page.

[0:15:14] Brianne Davis: I think you'd be great at it. There's something in it that inspires you, and I think it takes dedication and you have that. I don't know.

[0:15:23] John: Yeah, I used to have something that was like that, but I used to write quite a bit.

[0:15:28] Brianne Davis: Maybe it's time to pick it back up.

[0:15:30] John: The issue is, ever since my mother died, I've had writer's block.

[0:15:35] Brianne Davis: I know. And believe me, I know, writer's block and all that and trauma and all that, but it's like maybe you reaching out to me and wanting to come on and share the secret isn't a way for you to step through it now.

[0:15:49] John: Yeah, that could be a good way of looking at it. And I've started dabbling with writing a bit more.

[0:15:56] John: Good.

[0:16:00] Brianne Davis: Well, I'm so grateful you came on. I'm so grateful to have this conversation. I never expected to have this conversation. It's been beautiful and I understanding so much. And thank you for reaching out to me.

[0:16:14] John: Yeah, no problem.

[0:16:15] Brianne Davis: And if you want to be on the show, please email me at secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. Until next time.

[0:16:27] Brianne Davis: Thanks again for listening to the show. Please subscribe rate share or send me a note at secretlifepodcast.com. And if you like to check out my book, head over to secretlifenovel.com or Amazon to pick up a copy for yourself or someone you love. Thanks again.

[0:16:44] Brianne Davis: See you soon.

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Ruby: I’m a Sex & Love Addict and I Struggle with Sexual Anorexia & Intimacy

Mon, 23 Jan 2023 08:00:00 +0000

Ruby shares her story of struggle and hope as she overcomes anorexia, sex and love addiction, and fear of intimacy. Listen as she shares her journey through twelve step programs, therapy and support from family and friends. Gain insight into her challenges and victories as she opens up to discuss her experiences and share her wisdom. Ruby’s story will inspire you to face your own challenges and find the courage to heal.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

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To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

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SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

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Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

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Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
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Transcript

[0:00:00] Ruby: The part of me that will keep saying no because I'm so afraid of letting someone in. And the big umbrella of the whole thing is I'm so terrified to let anyone know me.

[0:00:17] Brianne Davis: Welcome to the Secret Life Podcast. Tell me your secret, I'll tell you mine. Sometimes you have to go through the darkness to reach the light. That's what I did. After twelve years of recovery in sex and love addiction, I finally found my soulmate myself. Please join me in my novel, secret Life of a Hollywood Sex and Love Addict, a four time bestseller on Amazon. It's a brutal, honest, raw, gnarly ride, but hilarious at the same time. Check it out now on Amazon. Welcome to Secret Live Podcast. I'm brienne. Davis. Gantt. Today I'm pulling back the curtains of all kinds of human secrets. We'll hear about what people are hiding from themselves and others. You know, those deep, dark secrets we probably want to go to our grave with, or those lighter, funnier secrets that are just plain and embarrassing.

[0:01:18] Brianne Davis: Really, the how, what, when, where, and why of it all. My guest today is Ruby. Ruby, my question for you is "what is your secret?"

[0:01:30] Ruby: All right, so my secret is that I am a sex and love addict. And there are other components to that as well, which is like, there's the anorexia of sex and love addiction.

[0:01:42] Brianne Davis: Well, let's talk about that. Everybody knows I'm in the program. How long have you been around?

[0:01:50] Ruby: I think my whole life. I've been around in other twelve step programs for my whole life. The People Pleasing program. The Allen on program. I've been in that one. But what I realized was that I had a lot of my own little things that I kept hidden by all the ways that I tried to manage and control everybody outside of myself. I would say that I started in the Alanon program, which is really trying to manage and control. And then I started to recognize that I never wanted anybody to see my flaws. That was part of my thing. So a lot of my stuff was just this strange behavior that manifested like sex and love addiction. It sort of came out in a way that to get things as a way to avoid things as a way to avoid intimacy, because we all know the definition of intimacy is intimately, you see, but I love that term, but I used it. I just always had an ulterior motive with sex and love addiction until I learned that love and sex is supposed to be a byproduct of commitment and sharing and connection and cooperation and all these beautiful things. They talk about it. I never had any experience with it in that realm. I always just thought it was to be used as a tool and never as something that actually was something that was beautiful for engaging in a partnership with someone.

[0:03:08] Ruby: My whole life on that.

[0:03:10] Brianne Davis: Yeah, as we've discussed it before. I know for me, I would put on these masks to become someone else. I never wanted to show the real me.

[0:03:22] Ruby: Yeah. Which is really exhausting and very painful. And then I think as you get older, we get tired of wearing a mask all the time. You need to breathe, whereas when you're not being who you are, you are imploding on yourself. You're keeping everything kept inside. So I think recognizing that I had that thing, which was like why I always felt so weird about intimacy and relationships kept me so disconnected from my partners. So I was able to have a partnership with friends, like girlfriends. I could have great relationships with girlfriends. I felt super connected. I was able to be super intimate with my girlfriends in the way that we communicated and whatnot. But when it came to a partner where there was actual physical intimacy and the friendship, I didn't know how to combine the two. I could have intimacy, but I didn't know how to be friends with those people. I just knew that I had to put on my little sex kitten characteristic and be this little thing to make them think about me the way I wanted myself to be looked at as, which kept me far away from being able to be who I was and also from being able to speak out for what I needed. So it was a long, long lot of years worth of not being who I was in my intimacy life and it was very painful looking back at it.

[0:04:38] Brianne Davis: So let's say you've been around and you've looked at it and you've done the work. But now I really want to discuss the anorexia side of it because I haven't actually discussed that yet. So I'm interested if you want to explain that to the listeners.

[0:04:54] Ruby: Yeah. So anorexia in the realm of sex and love addiction is the same as like food addiction where eating disorders in the realm. Plus I have that too. When I was younger, I did a lot of messing around with anorexia as far as in the food realm, what it is, it's a fear of overeating. So you tend to undereat and the smaller you can become, the safer you feel. So it's kind of like that. With sexuality, the way that it manifested was I would go really quickly into a relationship with someone. Like, I would meet someone and I would probably be sleeping with them that.

[0:05:29] Brianne Davis: Day and then moving in and then like, no, I didn't really do that.

[0:05:34] Ruby: A lot of my time I didn't.

[0:05:35] Brianne Davis: Either, but I know a lot of people.

[0:05:37] Ruby: I know a lot of people that do that. I was too smart for that because I knew that just down the line. Also, that was too scary because the anorexic part of me would be like, that would make me crazy if I had to be around that person for too long because I feel like I need to get away. I couldn't tolerate that kind of intimacy. So anorexia in the realm of sex and love addiction is sort of getting like I would just have a casual sex encounter with someone because it was a lot safer than letting somebody see me or letting myself see someone else. And it had only to do with the body and the physical sensation, but nothing to do with connection. Right? Yeah. And then all of a sudden, I didn't have to get turned off by that person, by what thing they might do or say that would turn me off. So it was a way to stay very disconnected, very unintimate. But you're having intimacy, which is such a really strange dual thing. You're being intimate, but you don't know the person at all, and you're allowing yourself to be physically intimate. But getting to know someone was far too scary, so quick. Intimacies with strangers was a lot more comfortable for me. And anorexia kicks in in that I would go long periods of time without being with someone, so terrified to actually allow myself to be intimate with someone.

[0:06:53] Ruby: And then I would get to where having a quick intimacy to someone was starting to hurt me too much. It started to feel too painful. So I would then just be like, I'm not going to be with anyone until I feel really comfortable with someone. But the anorexia part of me would not let myself get to know someone well enough to feel comfortable. So then I would go through these periods of time where I was feeling very anorexic.

[0:07:15] Brianne Davis: So it's withholding it's withholding yourself and your sexuality. It's withholding I definitely know what that feels like for me. It's easier too, to be intimate with someone I don't know than intimate with someone I love. The two didn't go together. So how long were the periods of you being anorexic sexually?

[0:07:38] Ruby: I mean, there were some times where I would go two years without having being sexual with someone. Maybe I'd have a make out session here or there, but there would be sometimes two years. I think the longest is maybe. I think three years is complete, no abstinence from sex, but like I said, a few little makeups and those few little make outs, or there would be like three years of complete and total abstinence from sex, thinking that I was doing something really good for myself. Yeah, myself for the right thing. And then I'd meet someone, and then that night I'd sleep with them. I'd be like, what just happened? How did I go from not being with anyone for three years thinking that I was going to do the right thing for myself and save myself until I felt connected to someone? And then I meet someone and my brain goes into just like an alcoholic who's been sober, thinking like, I'm not going to drink that drink. I don't need to drink that first thing. Then you're like, I could just have a sip. It'll be okay. Yeah. And I'm not an alcoholic, but that's from what I've read. That's so funny to me, but that's how it works in the realm of sexual addiction and sexual anorexia is I can go being very strong about it, and I'm not going to have an encounter with someone that's not connected.

[0:08:52] Ruby: And then I just meet someone and then they look at me a certain way, and then I think, just hang out with that person. I haven't been with anybody in a while. And then all of a sudden, they'll be trying to be sexual with me. And I'll be like, no, I'm not going to go there. And then they get aggressive enough. And to me, that's like a go. Like, if somebody's going to be aggressive enough and that's the part of me that I really check into, was the part of me that needed that person to be that aggressive to where then I would just roll over and be like, okay. And that scared me that once somebody got aggressive and over me, then I would just be like, okay.

[0:09:27] Brianne Davis: Do you know what that ties from? Did you tie it back to anything?

[0:09:31] Ruby: I mean, I've done so much writing on it. I think ever since the beginning of my intimacy life, I always heard in my voice the voice in my head was my mother being like, don't let men touch you. They'll hurt you. They'll try to take advantage of you. They'll hurt you. All this negative, negative, negative, negative. So I have this total like, no. And then what happens? I say no, but then if somebody come along and be that aggressive, I would think, wow, they really must like me. They really want to be with me.

[0:10:04] Brianne Davis: That makes sense.

[0:10:05] Ruby: Yeah. So then my head will think, well, I guess maybe this is meant to be since they really want to be with me, but not like, thinking in terms of like they just want to get laid. They're going to be a little bit some people are a little shy and.

[0:10:16] Brianne Davis: They are like, they need me. I need to give them this because they need it so bad. They want me so much.

[0:10:24] Ruby: Yeah. And that makes me feel important. Like, they must really want me. I must be really valuable that they're really going to try to push me. Not thinking like, my no should be my no is enough, but also the anorexic part of the no part of my voice will keep going for three years because I keep saying, no, no, no, the anorexic part of me until someone is aggressive enough. And then I'm like, okay, well, they really want me, so I should say yeah, because maybe I haven't been with anybody a long time. Maybe I just need to let go and just relax about this. This is quick switches of my brain out.

[0:11:03] Brianne Davis: Here's my question for you and for other people that don't understand this. Do you find that the anorexia side of this disease very hard? I almost find it more difficult to overcome than the acting out part.

[0:11:18] Ruby: Do you agree? Yes. Because you can get caught in that cycle of I'm not going to let the part of me that will keep saying no because I'm so afraid of letting someone in. And the big umbrella of the whole thing is I'm so terrified to let anyone know me and really see me. So that part of me is stronger, is really strong, so I can go long periods of time. And like I said, there are these moments of, like, amnesia where I forget and I'll just sleep with somebody after two years of no one. Right? At that one moment, I'll just be like, he's really cute. He's really sweet. I'll just whatever, let's just have fun. Because there's that part of me that just thinks, let's just live a little. Let it go. But that's the extreme other side. There has to be like a middle ground is what I'm finding is like, that's not okay and not and not they say the anorexia of Sly is not doing something and not doing something and not doing something just like you can. Like I'm noticing in my writing and all my growing right now, my issues have been coming up for me is like change.

[0:12:25] Ruby: Change is really hard for me.

[0:12:27] Brianne Davis: It's hard for a lot of people. Just so you know, change is very difficult for people.

[0:12:32] Ruby: It's really hard. But I find it easier when I have people around me that support me. But I've kind of been solo for a little while, and so I really find that change thing has really been triggering for me of, like, I'm trying to make some decisions about to move or to not move or to rent my house or not rent a house or to stay or to not. Or I get to invite someone to rent part of the house. I've had ongoing things like that and my fear of making a mistake. Maybe it's the mother in my voice, the mother had saying, you're going to make a mistake and you're going to screw yourself over and you're going to get hurt. They're going to hurt you, they're going to take you. It kind of bled through now. That's an old story, and I've slowly been trying to move that story out from the forefront of my path because it's blocking me from taking risks and jumping in and jumping in the current. Like, I read something beautiful about how awesome is that when you can jump in the current and not grab the sides, not be gripping the sides of the little riverbank because you're so terrified of where you might end up. But to actually release your fingers and trust something much bigger than you and see where that flow takes you. That's been my journey lately, is prying my fingers off of everything. And COVID has actually been really helping me with that because it's such a weird powerless time period right now for everybody that having to prime my fingers off everything that I think I know and let go and see what's coming down that river.

[0:14:00] Brianne Davis: Yeah, I agree. That's exactly what we are working on is just like letting go and whatever is going to be, is going to be, and we're always taking care of. But I do want to get back at this anorexia thing and I want to attach this kind of shame of anorexia withholding yourself, with these seven deadly sins, not in the religious sense, but more in the character defect sense. So I'm going to name them for you. Okay, we got Pride, greed, lust, gluttony, envy, anger and sloth.

[0:14:31] Ruby: Okay. So the biggest ones for me are pride and sonic amount of pride about looking good, which is also tied into like, people pleasing how I want people to see me as opposed to what I actually am wanting to control, that there is some lust takes over a little bit sometimes. Read them again.

[0:14:56] Brianne Davis: We have greed, lust, gluttony, envy, anger and sloth.

[0:15:01] Ruby: There is some greed. I find there is a part of me that I want to hold on to everything physically, metaphorically, monetarily, control. I want to hold on to everything in the way of it's a greed thing to me. It's not open handedly like money. I read something else, like money. I'm on a growing spur right now. Money. Every time you spend money, I read something that said you're supposed to say, well, in this particular thing you said, Arigato, money going out. Arigato, money coming in. So thank you to the money going out and thank you to the money coming in just as much as the money coming in. The money going out should be a thank you. And to me, that is where gluttony or greed is the same with withholding sex. It's the same withholding my connection to intimacy. Allowing somebody to see me. It's covering it's, holding myself small.

[0:16:08] Ruby: It's the same as trying to control everything, keeping it in my hands rather than opening my hands. I think those are the big ones for me.

[0:16:16] Brianne Davis: Well, I also think what you said with the money and with the sex, it's this flow. It's a flow, it's a continuous flow. And when you stop that energy, you're stopping the flow of you. Because my therapist used to tell me, like money, it flows out and it comes back in. It's just paper. There's actually no meaning behind it. And with sexuality, it's like you have to stay open and let that flow. So you find yourself closing down.

[0:16:44] Ruby: Yeah, exactly. I love that.

[0:16:46] Brianne Davis: So who has this anorexia side benefited and who has it harmed?

[0:16:53] Ruby: Well, the illusion was that the anorexia was going to keep me really safe. But really, the anorexia has kept me really small and has kept me very disconnected and has kept me terrified. It's kept me small, physically, emotionally, mentally small and disconnected. So really, myself, who it's hurt is I would say that the anorexia part of me has hurt everyone that I'm in contact with. My family members, like my brothers and sisters, who see me kind of like get so hard about wanting to control things and trying to manage everything, which is like the anorexia is trying to keep everything just right and keep your food just small enough to where you stay small enough and keep your sexuality. Don't let it out too much because you might get hurt by someone, you might look.

[0:17:50] Brianne Davis: Are you always worried too, with the anorexia, that you're going to lose control?

[0:17:55] Ruby: Yes. And then there's fears that come with that, and the fears that come with that are like when I was young, I remember being terrified of STDs, like a physical thing. Like if you allow yourself to be, there are STDs. I had all these fears and in life, everything is possible. The truth is, it's like you can get an STD and it's not the end of the earth. But what it is is it's important to live. It's important to live. And also on the biggest scheme of the mall is to try something bigger than you. Yes, we have to take action to be safe, and yes, we have to know the people we're being involved with a bit, not do. And yes, we have to try something with someone. We're not 100%, but we feel pretty good about it and we've talked it out and we're reasoning things out with people that we trust, our God Squad team, because ultimately there is a God. There is a God and we're here on the planet and we're still here on the planet and there are everyday things happening and we're not in control of any of it, as we can clearly see now with COVID But there has to be a point of risk and a point of releasing your fingers from trying to figure everything out. And so the person I think really it's hurt. And it's hurt my partners, because the part of me that would become frustrated with my partners and fearful that I was not trusting them, then I would withdraw and then I would shut the wall would come down, boom. And then they couldn't see me.

[0:19:34] Ruby: I would cover myself in my own wall from the anorexia. That would also prevent me from like that saying, whatever the walls that are keeping you from experiencing your joy will keep you from experiencing your pain. And we're supposed to be living life and feeling all of it so that you can have an experience. And I love that thing about like, your heart. Anorexic will try to protect its heart, protect itself. Don't have intimacy. You don't know, stay away from everyone, they're going to all hurt you. And so I love that thing where it says you want to, at the end of the day, have a heart that's scarred and ripped and has bled and has been beat up a bit. Because that means that you've been allowing love in. You've been allowed as opposed to one that is so preserved and so well cared for, because you've protected yourself from any good, any bad, any middle ground, and you've just stayed safe.

[0:20:28] Brianne Davis: And I think you also hit on something that I love when you said the walls around you, that it's protecting you from the pain. But I think what's important is when the past, what I've looked at, it doesn't just keep out the pain, it does keep out the joy, it does keep out the happiness, it keeps out everything. You don't get to choose which emotion you can keep in and keep out. If you're closed off, you're closed off to all the emotions and yourself and.

[0:20:58] Ruby: You'Re closed off for yourself. I would say to my because my brothers and sisters, my family really see it because I'm really close to my family but they would always be like I would always be like I feel so shut down I can't get out. And they'd be like what's happening? I'm like, you did that thing that made me angry and stressed me out and then my wall came down and then now I'm stuck and it's really hard for me to soften once I've been hardened and my wall comes down. So it's been a really interesting journey of trying to learn to not let the wall shut down so that I can let some of the light come in. They say like the light comes in through the cracks, right? Yeah. And if you don't let any cracks open then no light can come in. And that's what's been my journey lately is letting myself open up across the board with everything and allow some light in so that I can take some risks and I can have some new experiences and that's been my journey and.

[0:21:54] Brianne Davis: That you can give and take, like to others. There's an exchange. So my last question for you before we go is how do you move forward or how would you give advice to someone that is feeling stuck?

[0:22:10] Ruby: I personally really love twelve sip programs. There's a program for every way that you mask your feelings. There's the drinker program, the beverage program. There's the anorexic if you're under eating your feelings away and trying to make yourself small. There's the overeater program if you're eating your feelings away, trying to avoid. There's the program for if you're using money to either hoard and hoard everything, thinking you're going to be safe if you hoard everything or those people who overspend where they have nothing left. There is a twelve step program for every situation gamblers every way I should speak for myself, but I know my experience is that most people have a way in which they cover themselves with.

[0:22:54] Brianne Davis: Yeah, I call it everybody has an Ism.

[0:22:57] Ruby: There you go. And there's an Ism program for everything. So I personally like Twelve Sit Program because there are no leaders, there's no governing people. Everybody kind of runs it and it's like free. Basically. You donate a couple of dollars, there's no like, oh, get a loan out on your house and we'll give you this course that will change your life. I've been in some of those too.

[0:23:20] Brianne Davis: I have to.

[0:23:21] Ruby: When you're feeling fragile, you'll do anything and I just think that's not fair when someone is vulnerable to dive in underneath them and grab them and then take advantage of them. So I think Twelve Sit Program to me is a safe way to take a look at your stuff. And then of course, therapy is always great. I think it's always good to talk things out with someone who really understands. And I think it's really important to create a God squad around you. People that you learn, that you meet through your Twelve Sip programs, a community of people that you feel you can call for different things and that you can be there for them too. Because as they say in Twelve Step, you can't keep what you don't give back. So if I get to learn all this cool stuff, I don't get to keep it unless I share it. So it really makes it a program of like you have to give back. Because if you don't give back and you're just lazy, like, I already got the good, I already feel good, I'm just going to go off now and live my life then that's the wrong way to look at it. The right way to look at it is, okay, I got it. Now I have to give it away so I can keep it.

[0:24:19] Brianne Davis: Yeah, I mean, really, that's the only way. And thank you so much for coming on and sharing with us today. Okay, if you want to be on the show, please email me at secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. Until next time, thanks again for listening to the show. Please subscribe rate, share or send me a note at secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. And if you'd like to check out my book, head over to secretlifenovel.com or Amazon to pick up a copy for yourself or someone you love. Thanks again. See you soon.

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Vince: I Have Done Amateur P*rn

Mon, 16 Jan 2023 08:00:00 +0000

Vince says it's been a fantasy for most guys to be in a p*rn. Is that true? Maybe because when you watch, you fantasize you're the person in the video? So what happens when the fantasy becomes real? Is it everything you expected? What if you got stage freight?

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

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To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

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Check out the Mindful in Minutes Podcast hosted by Kelly Smith and check out her site for more info: https://www.yogaforyouonline.com

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Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

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Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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Transcript

[0:00:00] Vince: You get there and camera man setting up his stuff. Then the actress got there and I talked to her and he was still setting up his stuff. And then I got time to, like, shoot the thing and it was just I mean, it was I couldn't really get it going. No.

[0:00:22] Brianne Davis: Welcome to the Secret Life Podcast. Tell me your secret, I'll tell you mine. Sometimes you have to go through the darkness to reach the light. That's what I did. After twelve years of recovery in sex and love addiction, I finally found my soulmate myself. Please join me in my novel, secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict. A four time bestseller on Amazon. It's a brutal, honest, raw, gnarly ride, but hilarious at the same time. Check it out now on Amazon. Welcome to Secret Live Podcast.

I'm Brianne Davis-Gantt. Today I'm pulling back the curtains of all kinds of human secrets. We'll hear about what people are hiding from themselves or others.

[0:01:12] Brianne Davis: You know, those deep, dark secrets you probably want to take to your grave, or those lighter, funnier secrets that are just plain embarrassing, really. You know, how, what, when, where, live it all today. My guess is Vince. Now, Vince, I have a question for you. What is your secret?

[0:01:30] Vince: My secret is I've acted in amateur porn films.

[0:01:33] Brianne Davis: Oh, yay. Okay, let's talk about it. When did you do that?

[0:01:40] Vince: The first thing I did was.

[0:01:44] Brianne Davis: Five years ago.

[0:01:46] Vince: Yeah. And then it was for a period of it wasn't anything like glamorous. It was just sort of very amateur stuff. But for a period, for about two and a half years, it wasn't very many. It was probably eight.

[0:02:04] Brianne Davis: Does anybody in your family or friends know?

[0:02:08] Vince: No.

[0:02:10] Brianne Davis: I'm getting so excited right now. I love a good secret. Secret.

[0:02:14] Vince: Yeah. People who know me and know my personality, that would be the last thing, the last thing ever they would ever think.

[0:02:26] Brianne Davis: Okay, let's go back five years ago. What was going on in your life before that? Can you say your occupation?

[0:02:34] Vince: Yeah, I can say it. I'm a musician and I also do a little teaching, too. So you asked what was going on before that?

[0:02:44] Brianne Davis: Yeah. What's going on before?

[0:02:47] Vince: I can tell you. I was just kind of living my normal life. But what happened was I think that sort of was the impetus for it, was I had lost some weight and got into better shape. And it was always something I mean, I had, like, these ambitions. It was always something that I had sort of found. I guess most guys would sort of fantasize about that when they're watching porn. Can I do that? Yeah. Could I ever do that?

[0:03:18] Brianne Davis: Is that a fantasy for guys? I didn't know that.

[0:03:20] Vince: Maybe not an official fantasy, but it must be something that most guys think, like, wow, could I do that? I wonder if I could do that. I wonder how I'd be, that kind of thing. So I had always thought that and I had a friend, a close friend, and we always kind of joked about, yeah, we should make some amateur porn and produce it or something. It was just one of those things you say when you have a few drinks. It was something that you never because I feel like it's sort of a line you cross and once you do that, in some ways it's out there forever and then it's kind of like there's no coming back from it. Not that it's going to cause a disaster. Yeah, exactly.

[0:03:59] Brianne Davis: But I have a question. Did you used to always watch a lot of porn? When did you first see porn? When you were younger, do you remember?

[0:04:09] Vince: In fact, I'm a little older. I mean, this was the 90s before the internet, really. So I think I was in high school, someone had a video or something like that. But when I really started watching it, I guess with the rise of the tube sites like pornhub and I guess 2008, 2009 when the free content started coming online, then I became more of a watcher.

[0:04:39] Brianne Davis: I just remember I saw it so young, the skin of Ax, you know, and it would come in fuzzy on the TV and you'd kind of be able to see it.

[0:04:48] Vince: Yeah, sure.

[0:04:51] Brianne Davis: We didn't have money, obviously. My parents didn't have money to pay for it. So we'd be like, oh, you can kind of see what's going on.

[0:04:58] Vince: Yeah, yeah, that's 2008. 2009. I remember when I first heard about pornhub, I couldn't believe it. I mean, there was free before that. There were some sites that would have I think in 2007 or 2008 there were sites that would have little clips, just little clips for movies. Pornhub was kind of revolutionary in a lot of ways. It was bad. I don't know how anyone in that industry really makes money whenever they actually don't anymore.

[0:05:31] Brianne Davis: Unless they produce it themselves, they don't really make money.

[0:05:34] Vince: Exactly. So yeah, that's when I started really watching it. I had a desktop computer before that, but then I got a laptop and I had an iPad too. Although I never got this into the iPad. It's like it's sort of like cocaine or something.

[0:05:51] Brianne Davis: It's a complete addiction. No, I actually deal with a lot of mostly men, but still a lot of women, they are addicted to porn. It's that fantasy. The fantasy becomes the reality more than the reality.

[0:06:05] Vince: Yeah, exactly. So 2009 issue so I started watching more and then I think there was this process of desensitization too, because it just becomes normal. And that's I think when I really started thinking more about first it was just watching it and then I started thinking about like, wow, it's just more of a fantasy. Can I do this? Can I be in a room full of people? And really it just takes a certain breed, I thought.

[0:06:42] Brianne Davis: I would say it probably does have a little bit of that exhibitionism going on.

[0:06:47] Vince: Exactly. So the seeds of that whole thing, I guess, started there. I had lost some weight started losing some weight in 2017. And then I got down to I wasn't super heavy and I wasn't really heavy growing up. I had gained weight in my twenties and 30s, but then I had gotten back down to a decent weight, and I just that that idea was still there, that had been there, that sort of fantasy about it. And then I thought, I don't know, I was reaching out to some people online, okay.

[0:07:20] Brianne Davis: And talking about in a chat group or something.

[0:07:24] Vince: There were people it's sort of related to some things I was doing too. Maybe in a way, I kind of had a sexual addiction. I was seeing dominatrixes and stuff.

[0:07:35] Brianne Davis: Wait, pause. Wait. You were seeing dominatrix? Is that another secret?

[0:07:42] Vince: That was something I shared with some friends, not with family, but that was something I had shared with some friends. That was something I wasn't, and that was not really sexual. It was all sort of control. I mean, it was sexual in a sense. I wasn't having sex with them. I was experimenting with bondage and that kind of thing. So that kind of further wet my appetite for that world and further got me acclimated to that world. You had asked, yeah, there were a few dominatrix. Dominatrix CS. Would that be the plural? I always say dominatrix, but there are a few that I had kind of worked with a little bit. I could say a client of. And then I had mentioned it with them. And what happened, how I really started was at the time, I was going on Craigslist, and since they maybe changed it, but there were ads for models and that kind of thing, and it's coded a little bit, but you kind of know what it's about. So I think it was an ad that I saw for Men wanted for some amateur stuff.

[0:08:53] Vince: Again, this was nothing like glamorous. This is like real gonzo stuff where you're shooting in someone's apartment.

[0:08:59] Brianne Davis: Honestly, I don't think a lot of them are glamorous.

[0:09:05] Vince: But yeah, actually, I'm wrong about that. What would happen was, okay, this is what it was. There was a dominatrix that I was seeing, and her, I don't know if it was her husband or boyfriend, they were making some amateur content and they wanted me to audition.

[0:09:19] Brianne Davis: Did you?

[0:09:20] Vince: I did. Yes, I did.

[0:09:22] Brianne Davis: Okay. That's what you have to take it through. So take us through the audition process for an amateur porn.

[0:09:29] Vince: Okay. And I know her a little bit. I got comfortable with her, but I had never met her husband or boyfriend. She said, yeah, he films the stuff and I'll direct it. And it was just basically like a solo scene just to see if I could do the stuff on camera. So we set up a time and went to her apartment and it was like, you want the details?

[0:09:53] Brianne Davis: Yes.

[0:09:54] Vince: Okay. So it's basically like she was on camera, like her husband was operating the camera, and she had said, can you really do this in front of my husband's going to be operating the camera? And I was like, Whoa, man.

[0:10:05] Brianne Davis: Were you nervous?

[0:10:07] Vince: Yeah, I was definitely nervous. And I thought my sexual experiences involved women. They weren't really like men or brown, you know what I mean? Is this going to be weird? Can I do this? But again, to me, I think there is sort of like a sexual addiction aspect to it because it was like this charge, like this rush. It was almost like that part of my brain was really like a drug. It's like, I remember driving there and calling my friend and saying, I'm really going to do this. And she was just like, you're crazy. She sort of thought it was funny. So I went in and then I met him and he was filming. I think he just had, like, an iPhone or something. I can't remember what he was using exactly. And she said, okay, we talked about what we're going to do. And she said, she's directing me and he's filming.

[0:10:53] Vince: And it was just basically like, strip and take all your clothes off. And you kind of do your solo scene where you have to masturbate into completion and they want to kind of see if you can do that on camera.

[0:11:05] Brianne Davis: So was it easy? Was it hard? How was the outcome of that audition?

[0:11:13] Vince: Believe it or not, that outcome was good. It was good. It was fairly easy.

[0:11:22] Brianne Davis: Okay.

[0:11:23] Vince: Yeah.

[0:11:24] Brianne Davis: So you're driving away and then what's your thought?

[0:11:28] Vince: It kind of just went my appetite for more. I thought, like, wow, because I can remember he was this kind of burly dude and he's filming it, but she can be seen and heard on camera. She didn't participate. She was basically directing it. It's like, okay, do this. She's, like, encouraging me and directing it, and he's filming. But, yeah, I was able to do it and get right into it. I wasn't nervous. It was like, all right, strip. And I was like, Bam. I don't know, I just sort of became this character or whatever, but I felt like it was an aspect of me. It felt fine, really. It wasn't like, I did it and I thought, oh, my God, what have I done? I was cool with it. Okay, yeah, so we did that and then after that but see, I'm in an area, I don't want to say exactly where I am, but I'm not in La.

[0:12:16] Vince: I'm not in a big city like.

[0:12:18] Brianne Davis: You'Re in a small town somewhere.

[0:12:19] Vince: Yes. Things move slowly. So I did that in the fall of in the fall. And then I didn't do anything again until I had another friend who was I saw who was a dominatrix, and he was trying to get into filming content. And we filmed the scene, and it was more like this, too. It was more like a solo scene. It was more like a domination theme.

[0:12:41] Brianne Davis: Were you getting dominated or was she getting done?

[0:12:43] Vince: I was getting dominated, yes.

[0:12:45] Brianne Davis: Got you.

[0:12:45] Vince: And we kind of worked out the scene. It was kind of like the same situation. And we did that, and I knew her pretty well, so I was comfortable with that. That went well. But I can tell you where things started to really go off the tracks, where I hit some roadblocks.

[0:12:58] Brianne Davis: Let's do it.

[0:13:00] Vince: I have these two scenes under my belt, and I think I'm a pro.

[0:13:04] Brianne Davis: You're like, I got.

[0:13:08] Vince: That. I did the second thing in the wintertime. Then I remember by that. I had hooked up with this cameraman who had done, like, legitimate things. He had filmed some legitimate stuff around town. Like, he was an editor and he was, like, a real camera guy. He wanted to get into this stuff and he wanted to produce some videos, so I hooked up with him. Now, this was, like, my first real boy girl shoot. This was that spring, the following spring, in May. And there was an actress. He was basically producing it, an actress he got from out of town. She was from New England or something. But she had done some stuff like she was nice, cool and everything. And he got her for the scene. And I had checked out some of her stuff and I talked to her on the phone.

[0:13:53] Vince: She was really cool. So she came in from Connecticut or whatever she drove in, and he had gotten this room at the Holiday Inn.

[0:14:00] Brianne Davis: In the Holiday Inn?

[0:14:02] Vince: Yeah.

[0:14:03] Brianne Davis: I love it.

[0:14:05] Vince: So I remember the night before that, I was a little nervous, but I was like, I don't know.

[0:14:09] Brianne Davis: Wait, my question for you. Were you getting paid at this time.

[0:14:12] Vince: Or no, I was barely getting really paid. It was never for the month with the guys.

[0:14:17] Brianne Davis: I know, but did you get paid for that one?

[0:14:20] Vince: I think I got a little travel money, but I basically like, the money went to her.

[0:14:24] Brianne Davis: Got it.

[0:14:25] Vince: So I was just kind of like, I want to start getting my name out there as an actor. And he wanted to set this up. So yeah, I hardly got it. I think I got a little travel money, but nothing I mean, I might have gotten $50 or something. We do the scene. So it's the day of the scene, and I was a little nervous in my mind. I wasn't that nervous, really, until I got there. It's such like a clinical you get there and carry on setting up his stuff. And he was, like, a little kind of apprehensive about bringing all this stuff through the hallway. He didn't want to put it somehow on the store. It's like a little inconspicuous. He's got, like, lights and all this stuff and he sets up the lights and everything. And then the actress got there and I talked to her and he was still setting up his stuff. And then I got time to shoot the thing. I couldn't really get it going.

[0:15:33] Vince: No, I remember.

[0:15:35] Brianne Davis: Was it the pressure?

[0:15:37] Vince: It was just everything. It was just you're in this very clinical environment. Like, you've got this big burly camera dude. He was a nice guy, too, but he's got these lights. And the actress, she was very nice. She was very professional. But cameraman setting up his stuff. And like I said, that was taking forever. And then finally, after an hour, whatever it was, we got time to do. And then some question about what exactly we were going to do as far as for the scene. But I guess we decided to kind of let it evolve organically, just naturally. But I knew I had a problem. I just couldn't get my equipment going. No.

[0:16:16] Brianne Davis: A professional actor, even when I do love scenes and it's so clinical and you actually have to work it out or there's too much pressure and you don't know. So I can imagine being like, let's see what happens with all those lights and people looking at all. I know it literally perform all the way.

[0:16:36] Vince: Yeah, it was a little cold in that hotel room. It made it even worse that morning. Not to get too graphic or anything, but I remember the night before, I didn't do anything with myself.

[0:16:53] Brianne Davis: Get ready for tomorrow. I get it.

[0:16:56] Vince: But that morning, I sort of, like, tested myself out a little bit. Can I get this going? I felt like felt good. Okay. But when we got time to really shooting it, I just couldn't get anything going. I remember when I went to the bathroom, I felt like I'll try to get myself going in there. And I remember the bathroom was cold. It was, like, cold, kind of. I was in there. I was trying to get things going and it just was not happening at all. Not at all. Like I was saying, it was like that feeling where you're at the doctor's office or something, you might be a little nervous and the last thing on your mind would be trying to get aroused. You know what I mean? It was strange to me because I didn't know what it was, really. I mean, the actress was pretty, she was nice.

[0:17:43] Vince: I think it was just this whole I have total respect for the guys that can act in these films. Just to be able to turn it on like that. Under all circumstances or different circumstances. I'm sure they have problems occasionally, but I couldn't even really get it going a little bit. So I'm in there. I kind of popped out for a minute and I was talking to them. I think they were patient and understanding, but I felt like just an idiot. You know what I mean? I felt like I was and then.

[0:18:13] Brianne Davis: That makes it worse, right? Where you're eating yourself up and they're like, Come on, come on.

[0:18:18] Vince: It did make it worse. So we weren't really able to film, like, a whole movie, really, but we were able to do, like, a few scenes, not to be too graphic. We did, like, an oral scene, and we did try to do a few other things, but there was no penetration scene, really. I just couldn't do it. And it was funny. It was pretty funny because I tend to talk when I get nervous. So I was talking to her. It was like, in some ways, it was like and he's got the camera rolling, and I'm trying to compensate for my failure by being, like, a little funny and I'm a little neurotic, and it's like Woody Allen making a porn or something. It was just ridiculous. And at one point, the cameraman, he's kind of, like, heckling me a little bit, I have to say. It was a failure. It was absolutely a failure.

[0:19:12] Brianne Davis: Just did not do your best. I'll give you an A for effort.

[0:19:21] Vince: Well, thank you. It was just a weird feeling. I mean, I got there, like I said that morning, I kind of felt like, okay, I can do this. And I just got there and I tried to get myself going, but it was like the opposite of being around. I could not do it. I could not do it at all. He still wound up. What he did was he filmed a little solo scene with the actress when I was trying to get my stuff together. And so he was able to, I think, use that a little bit, and.

[0:19:51] Brianne Davis: Then he cut it and make it look a certain way.

[0:19:54] Vince: Yeah, just as a standalone solo scene for her. Then we were able to do an oral scene and that kind of thing. So some of that, I think, was usable. But yeah, the most I remember when he was editing it, he just told me it was hard to edit because it was just so ridiculous, and he was trying to take out all my talking. That's something I learned just to preview a lot. I did learn a lot from it. The two things I learned was just to keep your mouth shut.

[0:20:28] Brianne Davis: Don't talk.

[0:20:29] Vince: Yeah, just to keep your mouth shut. And I also learned to take a little chemical help before the next scene, which I did.

[0:20:37] Brianne Davis: And I had a bad, like, Viagra or something.

[0:20:39] Vince: My friend gave me a Sialis. Yeah.

[0:20:42] Brianne Davis: Okay. So there was a second time after that. Was it with the same cameraman or.

[0:20:50] Vince: A different no, it was with a different camera person.

[0:20:55] Brianne Davis: So what made you want to do it? The time after wasn't that traumatizing? Or you were like, I can do this. I can do this.

[0:21:05] Vince: I just wanted to redeem myself. It's like kind of thing. You have a miserable failure, you crash and burn and you say, I've got to try this again. And I knew I thought, if I fail at this one, then I'm not cut out for it. But this one had a much better outcome.

[0:21:19] Brianne Davis: Okay.

[0:21:20] Vince: Yeah. So this was a couple of months later. So it was May that I had that failure. I tried to laugh about it. It was funny.

[0:21:27] Brianne Davis: It is funny. It's great. Listen, it's good you're putting yourself out there and trying something new. And you're not always going to succeed the first time. It's okay.

[0:21:37] Vince: Yeah. I mean, if you were to watch it, it's so ridiculous. I'm just jabbering, like the whole time. And the more I'm failing, the more I'm talking. And she was a good sport, and it was ridiculous. But I remained on good terms with the camera man. And we actually filmed something. We filmed something after that. We filmed another domination type scene. That was a year later. But yes, I wanted to redeem myself. And by the way, he put this stuff online.

[0:22:12] Brianne Davis: How did it feel being online?

[0:22:15] Vince: It was a little weird. But my feeling about that is there's so much stuff online now, there's such an remain anonymous. It was on one of the tubes. It was actually on X videos. It was on pornhub, too. Pornhub had a purge of their content. They purged a lot of their stuff.

[0:22:37] Brianne Davis: So yours got purged.

[0:22:39] Vince: I think if you went through you had to go through like a reauthorization process or something. And he was legit and stuff, but I think he didn't want to bother with that. But yeah, there was a copy of it too. It was actually on X videos at one point for a while.

[0:22:55] Brianne Davis: So here's my question for you with that. Have you made any money from that? No. Okay.

[0:23:01] Vince: Nothing. Yeah.

[0:23:02] Brianne Davis: Okay. So let's get back to your triumphant return.

[0:23:06] Vince: Okay. Yeah. Okay. This is better. At this point. I joined a website that is called Sexy Jobs. It's for adult performers who want to reach out to producers and that kind of a thing. Okay. I joined that. And I had connected with a woman who's a few hours away, she was working with again, this is really very gonzo not glamorous stuff at all, really. Just kind of people making amateur content. Yeah. She was working with a woman who was producing a video, and I told her I should show her. I showed her something else. I certainly didn't show her that failure scene.

[0:23:49] Vince: I think I showed her like a solo scene or something. And then we set up a date to work together. So it was a different camera person. It was her friend or her so called manager, whatever she was filming it and producing it. So this was a few hours away. I went and did a shoot with them. And now that was the one I was preparing. My friend had given me that pill, and he told me to take it. And I took it. And that scene went much better. We were actually able to film, like, a real movie. I remembered I said to myself, just keep your mouth shut. Just don't talk. And I was respectable in that one. I'm not saying I was.

[0:24:35] Brianne Davis: I know you did your job, but listen.

[0:24:38] Vince: But I was okay. It was a respectable performance.

[0:24:42] Brianne Davis: But here's the thing. I love that you keep giving this tip. Don't talk if you're going to go into porn or mature porn. Do not talk. Keep your mouth shut.

[0:24:52] Vince: Yeah, especially for the guys are just like ornaments, really. I mean, it all exists. Most of it, yes. Men who want to watch women. So no one wants to hear some guy jabber, especially some neurotic Woody Allen. Dude, it was outrageous. I couldn't believe I was that bad. This time. I just thought, okay, I'm not going to talk.

[0:25:13] Brianne Davis: Okay.

[0:25:13] Vince: But the difficulty with this one was and we were able to shoot like a whole scene with several acts and stuff. And it was good. It was fine. The only issue with that was that had challenges, too, because what were the challenges? The producer. The camera woman, producer lady. She was cool and everything, but she had this style of shooting. And what do I know? I'm no veteran or anything. But instead of just like rolling, letting you, like kind of do your thing organically and rolling, she would say, okay, we're going to shoot this oral scene. And then she said it would take 15 minutes to set up the camera and different angles. She didn't really have that much equipment. She had less equipment than the camera guy that I worked with before. But she had lights and stuff. So she's taking forever to set the scene up.

[0:26:04] Vince: And then, okay, then we do the oral scene. And it's like, okay, stop. Then she's taking like 15 or 20 minutes to set up for the other whatever else we're going to do following that. So in between, your momentum is broken.

[0:26:18] Brianne Davis: Welcome to the world of filming. That is every actor, whether you're in porn or regular actor, just like, worst nightmare, welcome to the club.

[0:26:30] Vince: But I feel like it's even worse with this because you have to get yourself so I would just be sitting and standing around that's like, okay, start resume this. What the hell? And then I did have some mild issues with that. I had some mild issues, like getting going in between, but I was still able to do it. And then we were able to get the climax and everything. The pop shot, whatever you want to call it. I was able to actually fulfill my role, even though I had a few minor problems, but yeah, that was the challenge with that one. It was just ridiculous. This kept happening. It was like, okay, do this then. Okay, I'm going to set up. Sometimes it was like 20 minutes in between and she's messing with the lights and that's like, okay, start again, man. I mean, how can you do that? Especially with something like.

[0:27:22] Brianne Davis: Yes, turn it on again.

[0:27:24] Vince: And then it would just be but that was the one where I redeemed myself. I felt like I redeemed myself.

[0:27:31] Brianne Davis: Yay. Congrats, Vince. Congratulations. So here's the thing. Are you going to do it again? Is this going to be a part of your life? Has it become an addiction? How are you feeling?

[0:27:46] Vince: Yeah, I would love to do it again. It's just that the area where I am, it's tough and there's not much happening here. And I tried to reach out to some more like real whatever you want to call it, real producers or some La kind of producers. Part of me felt like I don't really have what it takes to really be like a real guy that can just go in like a caveman and just have sex with a girl under any circumstances. I know I don't have that right. And then there's not much really being made where I am. But I thought my strength was where I did the best was solo scenes. I had no problem, just totally no problem. And then doing these domination themed scenes, I've done a few with that original cameraman. We did another one where I play like, Peeping Tom, proprietor of a motel, and I'm watching this woman and she catches me set up a camera. And that was scary. And there was a little acting involved, and that was done with an actress outside of where I am. And she had done some stuff. She was yeah, she had the experience. And I enjoyed the acting aspect and kind of doing some lines and kind of riffing and stuff like that.

[0:28:58] Vince: I felt like that was more my strength than actually just going in and being like this caveman and just being.

[0:29:02] Brianne Davis: Able to well, just being the prop. Then it's just being the prop. Is that what I completely get that. But how does it feel now? Because this is the first time you've said this secret out loud. How are you feeling right now? Does it feel free?

[0:29:17] Vince: Yeah, it feels good again. To me, I've sort of been desensitized, really. Like, I've been a little desensitized, really. So to me, it almost feels like it's normal to do this stuff.

[0:29:29] Brianne Davis: Yeah.

[0:29:29] Vince: But I remember that this was a gradual process and in the beginning it's still not completely normal now. But in the beginning, I would have thought it was the most outrageous thing. But now it's like you get kind of used to it in a way. But yeah, obviously if everyone found out, it would be. Scandal or be bad. But yeah, if there wasn't such a stigma about it, I'd be okay with telling people.

[0:29:56] Brianne Davis: But here's the thing. Sex work is actually coming less stigmatized. So maybe this is the first step of you actually leaning into this hobby that could be a career. Who knows? Who knows, right? The whole thing I love is that you're willing to come on right now and share it with us and share your truth in a very funny story, which I very much appreciated this morning. So thank you for that.

[0:30:20] Vince: Yeah, thank you.

[0:30:21] Brianne Davis: Is there anything else you want to add before we get off?

[0:30:25] Vince: Yeah, sure. I have a question for you. I would like to get a female opinion about this.

[0:30:30] Brianne Davis: Sure.

[0:30:30] Vince: If this is part of my history of something I've done, I always wonder, I told, when you're dating someone, do you think it's something that he had a little history of this stuff? Would you feel like it would be something that he should tell you, or.

[0:30:45] Brianne Davis: No, I mean, I think that's a personal preference. If you're dating someone, if you're with someone for a while and they become a significant other, I think that would be an important time to reveal. But if you just start dating someone, I don't think that's relevant for them to know. I always believe when you start dating, you don't overshare at first. You ask questions. You ask about the other person and see if they're a good fit for you before you divulge every dark secret you've ever had in your life. And I don't think it would hinder someone wanting to be in a relationship with someone. But I don't know, that's just me. Everybody has different preferences, but that's just me.

[0:31:24] Vince: Yeah. I mean, I wonder about that. And even the job I have, I don't know if I'd automatically be fired for that.

[0:31:31] Brianne Davis: Well, you're a teacher, right? So I don't know either, so I have no clue. Yeah, but here's the thing. Your secret is okay to reveal and live your truth at the same time.

[0:31:43] Vince: Sure. And again, I think that the stigma attached to adult work is sort of fading away a little bit.

[0:31:50] Brianne Davis: I think a lot of it.

[0:31:52] Vince: Yeah. I feel like it's totally different from even the mean. I feel like the Internet really changed everything.

[0:32:00] Brianne Davis: They normalized. It as young as six and eight years old, which is not okay. But I'm so grateful you came on. I'm so grateful you reached out. This has been such a fun interview. So thank you for coming on.

[0:32:15] Vince: Thank you so much.

[0:32:17] Brianne Davis: And if you want to be on the show, please email me at secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. Until next time.

[0:32:29] Vince: Bye.

[0:32:30] Brianne Davis: Thanks again for listening to the show. Please subscribe rate, share or send me a note secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. And if you'd like to check out my book, head over to secretlifenovel.com or Amazon to pick up a copy for yourself or someone you love. Thanks again. See you soon.

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Rosie: Eating Disorder — Body Shaming, Restricting & 18 Months Without a Period

Mon, 09 Jan 2023 08:00:00 +0000

Rosie shares her story of strength and determination as she fights to overcome her eating disorder. She will delve into her journey of healing and uncovering the layers of protection she has built up over the years. Tune in to hear honest conversations and practical advice on how to start the healing process and accept and embrace your eating disorder. With Rosie’s story of courage, resilience and hope you’ll be inspired to take small steps to living a healthier and more meaningful life.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

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To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

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SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

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Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

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Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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Transcript

[0:00:00] Rosie: And so I remember that as I was dropping the way, there were some signs that were scaring me in terms of what I was doing. Like I was actually weighing myself every single day.

[0:00:20] Brianne Davis: Welcome to the Secret Life Podcast. Tell me your secret, I'll tell mine. Sometimes you have to go through the darkness to reach the light. That's what I did. After twelve years of recovery in sex and love addiction, I finally found my soulmate myself. Please join me in my novel, secret Life of a Hollywood sex and love Addict. A four time bestseller on Amazon. It's a brutal, honest, raw, gnarly ride, but hilarious at the same time. Check it out now on Amazon. Welcome to Secret Life Podcast. I'm Brie Anne Daviscamp. Today, I'm pulling back the curtains of all kinds of human secrets. We'll hear about what people are hiding from themselves or others. You know, those deep, dark secrets you probably want to take to your grave. Or those lighter, funnier secrets that are just plain embarrassing.

[0:01:23] Brianne Davis: Really, the how, what, when, where, or why of it all. Today. My guest is Rosie. Now, Rosie, I have a question for you. What is your secret?

[0:01:36] Rosie: Okay, so my secret is that I am a 34 year old who is addicted to peanut butter Disney cartoons and still sleeps with a baby lizard flesh dragon soft toy. This is meaning that I know. So this is a nutshell bomb. But really, today, the reason why I choose to offer my story to you is because I decided to look into some of the most significant events of my life through a magnifying glass that really took me on a journey from self destruction to self care and self expression and self love. And speaking of cartoons, I actually watched Moana again last night after I don't know how many times I've watched it. And it really always captivates me how this journey of this hero is really just showing the starting point of destruction to love again and to flourishing again. And so I think what really gets me of that story each time, besides, aside from all the adventures and the monsters and the fantastical creatures, is really how, at the beginning, with God Tefiti, whose heart gets stolen and then it disappears completely, leaves room for these monstrous destructive tekka until the very end, when Moana gives her heart back. And really, the revelation is that defeati and teka were really the same person, just stripped out of their essence, their heart, and the love that made them appear that way. And so I just wanted to mention this quote, really, to start telling my story about this journey. And it says, I have crossed the horizon to find you. I know your name. They have stolen the hat from inside you. But this is not defining you. This is not who you are. You know who you are.

[0:03:42] Rosie: And so I just wanted to start telling my story of how I tried to really look at all the versions of myself through my life and bring light, love and energy to all of them, regardless of what the destruction behind them was. Basically, I reckon my journey started when I was a kid and everyone saw me as this really big shiny bundle of love who had always food in her mouth, laughing with all my teeth showing and never staying still. My father used to call me monkey and wild goat.

[0:04:26] Brianne Davis: Oh, my God. Me too. My father used to say I was like a monkey. I would jump all over the walls like a crazy monkey.

[0:04:38] Rosie: Yeah, exactly, that's funny. And I think that's my essence, really? This is who I am and that is my essence and never change. But then obviously there were some events that started cracking that beautiful essence, like moments of body shining and lack of self confidence and desire to control something that I couldn't see but was hurting from the inside out.

[0:05:12] Brianne Davis: When you say lack of, you said like shaming the body. Shaming. Did something happen? Did somebody say something or was it all internal?

[0:05:22] Rosie: I think it was a bit of both. So I think the most striking event was when I started to go through puberty and obviously my body was changing, curves were starting to appear and it's like wearing a different body suit. It literally feels like you're wearing something that is not quite yours. And it felt really uncomfortable because being from Italy, we used to go to Sicily, where my family, relatives and extended families were leaving at the time and still some of them are there. And so obviously we were going to the beach and there were big fish at the table. So before going through puberty, I didn't really care, I was eating whatever and then my body started changing and naturally you put on that extra weight and you showed through your clothes, you showed through your bathers. And so I was like telling my mom, I don't want to go to the beach today, like, I don't feel comfortable. And then you've got periods of scares like, oh my God, what if that happens while I'm at the beach and this is going to be embarrassing. So all of that started happening, but my mom always tried to come to me and say, if you want to wear this complete one piece swimsuit, you can totally do that. That's going to make you comfortable, you can move with ease and it's not going to be a problem. So that's how it all started. She gave me this green swimsuit to wear and I thought, okay, cool, I'll give it a go. And then little did I know that when I came out of the water, it was completely see through.

[0:07:05] Brianne Davis: Oh my God, no, that's like every young girl's worst nightmare, right?

[0:07:10] Rosie: Yeah. And so I just ran to where my mom was with the umbrella and just got coverage with a bath towel, and I said, I'm not going into the water anymore. I'm not going into the water anymore. Look, she was so sweet, and obviously I was getting really when you go through puberty, a lot of changes happen. Hormones, the body. Like I said, it's really weird.

[0:07:35] Brianne Davis: Yeah. I think for men and women, it's very you don't own your body, like you said. You're feeling all these things, and you're not connected to what's going on.

[0:07:46] Rosie: Yes, exactly. And it's like your child mind is still trying to come to agreement with these changes, and you're like, I don't get it. It's really weird. You feel, like, completely not in your own body. And so I remember seeing this photo. I still have it. It's crazy because all my other three siblings were jumping around the water in the photo. They were just smiling and super happy. And I was hiding between my two younger sisters, holding my knees with this super grumpy face. I oh, was like, My God, I never forget that moment. It's crazy. And I think everything kind of spirals from there. And then I don't know, maybe this doesn't sound too bad for other people, but it really affected me. So while you already are not feeling 100% in your body, then you've got relatives or cousins that pay compliments to you about how beautiful you look and all of that stuff. But that didn't really help me, made me feel even more ashamed and embarrassed.

[0:08:51] Brianne Davis: Right. Because you don't know what to do without attention or that you're feeling awkward inside, and then you're getting this attention that's different from how you're feeling, so you don't even know how to interpret it.

[0:09:04] Rosie: Yes, that's right. And also to me, because I didn't feel right. Those didn't feel right. I was like, Why are you telling me these things? I don't believe any of that. And it became really gross to hear those comments. And so I started wearing huge T shirts, baggy clothes, and obviously that went on and on for years and years.

[0:09:28] Brianne Davis: Do you think it was that not the sexual energy from your cousins, but just that energy coming at you? You didn't know how to handle it? Because I had that problem when I was younger, too. Older people started giving me this attention, and it was like it was scary.

[0:09:46] Rosie: Yes. Most likely, it was a combination of things like, you don't know how to handle those things. Plus you're receiving these weird comments. You're like, what are you trying to say? Like, I don't want that thing. So it was definitely unrequited attention. You don't know what to do with that. Plus your hormones change. Plus you think, what is really the intention behind that? It all felt really weird, and it started playing up, obviously, with my emotions, with my mind, and with that discomfort. But obviously, going into school and seeing that I was the one covering up big time. And then I had all my classmates, even ten year old girls, showing off their body, wearing super short skirts and male attention going to them and complimenting them or making sleazy comments. Because of that. I was like, oh, my God. Yes.

[0:10:43] Rosie: I don't want to be involved in any of that. I'm okay. I'm just going to keep covering myself up, because that's the solution.

[0:10:50] Brianne Davis: Do you think since then you've been covering up your sexuality in general?

[0:10:55] Rosie: Yes, and that's one of my other points as well, because obviously that looked and felt and sounded so unhealthy for me at the time that it kind of kept on growing and growing into this massive fear of unveiling my sexuality, in a way, because I thought it just didn't sit right with me that way. And so obviously, I kept really on for a very long time, wearing baggy clothes and trying to almost wear a cape or something that made me invisible.

[0:11:40] Brianne Davis: It's like a costume you put on to protect yourself from the world.

[0:11:46] Rosie: Yes. I didn't want to be seen. I just thought, no, attention is better than that. Attention. I'm going to keep focusing on my studies, on being a good student, but I was really trying to pull up a facade that wasn't me anyway. Like, it was me partially, but it really was hiding something bigger and more destructive that was happening underneath.

[0:12:13] Brianne Davis: It's so interesting you said this, because I didn't even know we were going to talk about this, but I had someone today mention that they did the same thing and they found themselves and I'm not saying if you're listening, I'm not saying this is your story, but I have to ask it. Do you find yourself sexually anorexic? Like, you don't put yourself in that place because it's too intimate, it's too much, you feel too soon, it's just so you shut down that part of you.

[0:12:42] Rosie: Yes. And I'm still discovering and unveiling. I feel like during that phase of my life, I've created all these layers of protection. And I'm feeling like since my recovery, which probably started over ten years ago, it's like taking all those veils off metaphorically. Obviously, it doesn't mean that I'm removing clothes as I leave.

[0:13:11] Brianne Davis: No, I say it's like peeling that onion. You're going down the different layers.

[0:13:17] Rosie: Yeah, totally. And so I think what made me realize that there was something beneath that pile of clothes that was really hurting underneath is when a series of tragic events I would say tragic events, but it's really not that tragic. If I look at them now, they feel a lot more tragic when they happen to you. But then you put things in perspective. Come on. Probably other thousands of girls.

[0:13:45] Brianne Davis: Listen, no. Somebody's trauma or tragedy could be not as big as someone else and affects them more. So don't be saying your trauma is any less important than anybody else's. We have trauma. For me, I'm dyslexic when I couldn't read in front of my mom, it was like the world was over. And if I say that story now, it doesn't sound that important, but it was a huge turning point in my life. It made me feel insecure and stupid. So don't say that. I get it.

[0:14:17] Rosie: I totally yeah. But yeah, I think at one point I realized that I was really feeling I couldn't do anything with all that repressed energy. Like, I was just focusing on finishing school and being an excellent student as much as possible. I had pressure at home. Well, not so much from my parents, but it was like a self reflective pressure of not being able to express my creativity in any other way. I couldn't go out into sports or I couldn't do dancing or I couldn't do anything creative to really find what my sole purpose was.

[0:15:00] Brianne Davis: Right.

[0:15:00] Rosie: Because obviously being a very numerous family, I didn't want to ask my parents, can you please pay for this course? Like, yes. We still had other three siblings to look after, so I just thought, okay, well, I'll do what I can. But then I was really suffering inside from not having a direction other than going to school and be good at school and hiding myself again.

[0:15:26] Brianne Davis: Right.

[0:15:28] Rosie: A lot of things kept happening. I was overeating at the wrong time for the wrong reason, and that really was hiding a big, massive problem that came out when I was about 15 or 16 year old, when I started hearing comments about being chubby or being undesirable or being ugly. And that's when it really hit me, and I thought, okay, well, that's enough. Now I really need to start changing because I can't keep doing this to myself.

[0:15:55] Brianne Davis: Right?

[0:15:56] Rosie: And so I started making healthier choices. I started walking more during summertime when we had school holidays. I started asking my parents, just don't come and pick me up. Walk home. It's fine. It's healthy. I just need to move, and they accept it. I was like, okay, cool. Sure. And then, obviously, I started becoming more interested about other recipes that were not the traditional Italian Mediterranean recipes, like pastas every day, bread every day, meat every day. I just started kind of thinking, well, what I put in my body needs to also change if I want to make a change. But again, I was still focusing on the outside. Like, even if I was changing the diet and the movement, it was still just an outside superficial thing.

[0:16:42] Brianne Davis: Right.

[0:16:42] Rosie: I definitely changed the inside band because I started dropping weight, and I started thinking that I felt better about myself, but then that spiraled massively into loss of I don't know. I don't even know how to call it. Like I said in the email, I don't want to call it anorexia because I don't think it was, but I looked very emancipated on the outside.

[0:17:09] Brianne Davis: Yeah. And I will tell you, I was anorexic, and it didn't start where I was going to become anorexic. It was very healthy. I started to work out. I started to eat healthier. And then the weight started dropping, and then you feel more confident, and you're like, oh, this is how I'm supposed to feel, and I want more of this. So you do more of it and you restrict more and you restrict more, and it turns into that everything you described in your email, it was funny. If you're listening, I wrote back, I would love to talk about your anorexia. And you were like, what? That's not anorexia.

[0:17:50] Rosie: Yes, it is. Yeah, I know. It was crazy because, like I said, I always ate salads or whatever, but I think even though it wasn't showing as such in what I was eating, it was definitely a bottle in my head. It was a constant, messy jail inside.

[0:18:13] Brianne Davis: Yeah. Where you're like, Did I eat too much? Should I have not done this right now? I need to restrict my next meal a little bit, or I need to.

[0:18:21] Rosie: Go on a walk.

[0:18:23] Brianne Davis: It's a constant battle going on in your head. You're fighting yourself on a daily basis.

[0:18:29] Rosie: And again, I was trying to fix something, but destroying another thing and really not getting to the core of my issue, which was that lack of self worth or lack of self confidence, or not having nurtured the process of growing into a woman with love, but with fear instead. And so I remember that as I was dropping the way, there were some signs that were scaring me in terms of what I was doing. I was actually weighing myself every single day.

[0:18:59] Brianne Davis: Okay, there you go. That is definite sign. A normal is what I call a normal person, if you're listening. Like, a normal doesn't do that. They don't check their weight every day. I did the same thing. I would actually do it in the morning and then at night.

[0:19:16] Rosie: Okay. Yeah, we'll only do it in the morning. But yes, absolutely. That's the thing. See, I'm still hiding. I'm still in denial.

[0:19:25] Brianne Davis: I feel like I'm, like, coaching you. Like no, that's a form. Hey, listen, the only reason we can talk about this is to bring light to this darkness that we hide, that we're ashamed of. I was so ashamed that I turned anorexic. I was like, £104 at five seven and a half. How low did you get?

[0:19:49] Rosie: Oh, I got to 47 kilos, which I don't know what it is in pounds. I'm sorry.

[0:19:55] Brianne Davis: It's okay. I don't either.

[0:19:56] Rosie: 47 kilos? Yeah, it's probably I don't know.

[0:20:02] Brianne Davis: How tall are you?

[0:20:04] Rosie: I'm 1.67 meters. We don't know.

[0:20:09] Brianne Davis: We're in two different countries.

[0:20:14] Rosie: Maybe five foot something. Okay. Less. Slightly less. I don't know. It's okay. Yeah. But anyways, look, I have big bones in general, I really do. And so I thought.

[0:20:35] Brianne Davis: I have swimmer shoulders. I look really broad in the shoulder.

[0:20:41] Rosie: It'S all healthy. No, but that's the thing. So I just kept lying to myself, and I kept lying to my mom. I said, mom, but see, I'm eating everything. I'm eating healthily. And my mom was like, Rosie, you've lost your periods for 18 months. You're constantly worrying about food. You're constantly asking me about this, and that right. You just have to admit it. You've got a problem and you need to solve it. We need to go to the doctor. And I just kept saying no. I'm just stressed out. I was finishing high school. I didn't go into university straight away, but I wanted to be a bit more independent and find a job and then figure out what I wanted to do.

[0:21:21] Rosie: And then my father got sick. In the meanwhile, he got cancer, and he's fine now. He's on the check. But that was also another big stress. I realized that there were so many little things that were keeping it was just the tip of the iceberg. I think the fact that I looked emaciated was really the tip of the iceberg of what really was going on inside, which was a huge, tangled mess of things that I hadn't spoken about or that I hadn't really dealt with the right amount of care and compassion and empathy. And so I remember crying in the bathroom, saying to my mom, I don't know how to leave anymore. I'm so sick of having these thoughts. I'm sick of having to try to control everything. And my mom at one point said, you know what? Let's make the first move. Let's go to the doctor, get you checked, and let's take steps to get at least your peers to come back.

[0:22:28] Brianne Davis: Yeah, because that's so dangerous as a woman too.

[0:22:32] Rosie: Yeah.

[0:22:32] Brianne Davis: Glad your mom said that.

[0:22:35] Rosie: She's always been super attentive about these things, and she said, if you don't want to call it on the right shirt, fine, but we still need to do something about it. And I think as we spoke about that on the email, I think I never wanted to call it that's why? I'm not sick. I'm just going through so much stuff that I have to solve, and I don't even know where to stop.

[0:23:02] Brianne Davis: Yeah, it's like the only thing you can control in your life.

[0:23:06] Rosie: That's right. And so after that sorry, I'm starting to hear the emotional it's okay.

[0:23:14] Brianne Davis: I'm right there with you. It's okay.

[0:23:18] Rosie: But I think once I started taking the steps, then I just became a bit more aware of, go slow and steady. You don't have to solve it all right now. And I'm still sorting out some issues. And I think once I started going to university and really knowing what I wanted to do with my life and I just started finding really what my passions were, what my purpose was and what I really wanted to achieve, it took me ten years to be where I am now. But I think slowly slowly and I'm not done yet.

[0:24:05] Brianne Davis: No, we're never done.

[0:24:08] Rosie: But I feel like I'm definitely a lot more aware and I'm definitely more conscious about the steps that I need to take to be with that teenager and talk to that teenager as an adult version of me, to say, it's okay if you want to hide, but then know that you don't want to stay in there too long.

[0:24:33] Brianne Davis: Yeah. Because you can get lost in there.

[0:24:36] Rosie: Yeah. It is about getting lost. Sometimes it's Kate. As long as you are still holding a torch and see the road and the light to get back to who you really are. It took me a long time, but I'm here. I'm on the journey. I think positive choices that I've made to come out of it and really own what I was eating was becoming vegan five years ago.

[0:25:09] Brianne Davis: Okay.

[0:25:10] Rosie: Which was really great because I felt I was really happy with the choice that I was making. And my body was feeling very grateful and thankful for the choices that I was making for myself. Obviously, I started meditating and exercising and doing body combat or running and all of those things really were no more a way to escape from the problems and lose weight. But it was more allowing the journey of discovery, allowing the great feeling of feeling your body moving with a purpose, with the intention of really recovering rather than destroying yourself. Again, it was serving the purpose of discovering and rebuilding rather than take more weight off your body. Take more weight off your body. The way it didn't have to be physical, but it had to be emotional. So it's like I wanted to strip off something of my body that was really energetic and start again. I think if we wanted to put it as a metaphor of the weight loss is never just physical. It's like you want to get rid of something, but you can't do it yourself because it's too much to remove layers inside of fear and disgust and shame and all of that. Sometimes it's harder to do it on the inside.

[0:26:40] Brianne Davis: So you go, oh, my God, it's 20 times harder. It's a thousand times harder. It's so hard to dig deep and see why we do these things where we want control over our life. And you know what really helped me when I was in the throat of my anorexia? If you're out there and you're struggling, two things really helped me, and I haven't spoken about them, and I want to share them with you. But when I got to my thin weight, someone took a picture of me, and I saw the picture, and I was like, oh, my God, I am so teeny in a lot of places do that. They take pictures so you can actually because your vision of yourself is so distorted totally. Sometimes you have to see it from a different lens. So that really helped me. And then the last thing, especially since you are still kind of struggling and coming through all this emotional stuff you're going through and letting go of this control aspect, I kept thinking, am I going to be on my deathbed? And I didn't allow myself to live. I didn't allow myself to have that piece of bread and then just go on a walk, but not like obsess about it.

[0:27:54] Rosie: And it just really put it in perspective for me and years and years.

[0:28:00] Brianne Davis: Of therapy and all that stuff. But those were the first things that really got me to be like, I have to change. I can't keep living like this anymore.

[0:28:12] Rosie: Yeah, absolutely. And yeah, I actually remember I got photos where I was like, gosh, you can tell whatever you like, but you were absolutely nonexistent. There was nothing on me. And I believe I was just completely doing things, but inside I was like, feeling that there was still something missing. And I think what was missing really was that love, compassion and purpose and like, what am I doing with my life? And I think I can't remember who said that. But don't die with the music inside of you.

[0:28:54] Brianne Davis: I've never heard that. That's beautiful.

[0:28:56] Rosie: Yeah, it is beautiful. And it's like, yeah, I know. I need to express all of this somehow. And so years ago, then I realized that I am an artist and I am a creator, and I'm also an actress, and I am a writer and I am a teacher. So I was like, okay, I can see all of this now happening. And that really defining who I was at the core, was what helped me rebuild from the inside out.

[0:29:27] Brianne Davis: I loved that. Finding your purpose and your passion.

[0:29:31] Rosie: Yeah, because I had none. So I was trying to find it by looking good outside, which I never felt like I did anyway.

[0:29:40] Brianne Davis: It's like empty. It's an emptiness. I do have a question for you, and I really want to get to this question.

[0:29:47] Rosie: Yes.

[0:29:47] Brianne Davis: Who do you think keeping this eating disorder? I'm going to call it you can call it what you want, but who do you think it harmed and who did it benefit?

[0:29:58] Rosie: Okay, so it definitely harmed a stage of me and a stage of my family, because what was creating was divided. I did not want to talk about it, or if I did, it was just a hit and miss with my mom. But I didn't want to talk about it openly. I didn't want to meet that. I had a problem because I thought my problem is not important at the moment. There's so much more on the plate. I don't need to tell anybody about that. We don't need to solve that now. It will sort itself out. So I think what created was divide because now I tell everything to my family. Like, I share everything, absolutely everything. Especially because we're so far away from each other and we don't see each other every day. I feel the urge and the need to share absolutely everything with them. I even told them that I was going to be on the podcast with you.

[0:30:57] Brianne Davis: I love talking about this, talking about this.

[0:31:02] Rosie: But back in the days, we never recognized it as such. So I think he created a divide. It created lack of communication. He created anger and impatience in me. And I wasn't really my full self, so it definitely harmed me and my.

[0:31:23] Brianne Davis: Family and then my last.

[0:31:31] Rosie: Do the what you said, who benefited? I think it benefited my growth, my self expression and my self expansion. I think if everything had gone smooth, I wouldn't have the depth of realization, the depth of expansion that I have now. So even though it hurts to talk about that sometimes because it's very vulnerable, I feel like talking about it really does help. Especially because every time I kind of expose myself in that regard, in that regard, it really shines a light into a different corner or different face of the prison. So it's like, oh, talking about this with you, who I've never spoken to before, and I'm so glad I'm doing this now. It's like, oh gosh, you're helping me see other parts or talking about this in a different light is really helping me see these other parts. Obviously, nobody wants to go through conflicts, nobody wants to go through problems, challenges, diseases or anything, but they really are helping you go stronger, helping you on the journey of self awareness. I don't know, if everything was given to me and everything was just always fine, I probably wouldn't have the strength that I have today in talking about this and knowing who I am a little bit more. I'm still learning who I am every day, but I am totally recovered from that. I still have other challenges to deal with, especially the sexuality discover part. I'm still not completely fully comfortable with that. And I'm saying this very openly, even though but yeah, that part. I'm happy with what I'm eating. I am not checking on anything.

[0:33:34] Rosie: I have put on weight, obviously, because that was healthy. I have been exercising, but without obsessing over it. Just because, like I said, it's aiding the strength, like mental strength, emotional strength, physical strength. And I think I'm so glad that I'm outside of that jail because it literally felt like a jail.

[0:33:57] Brianne Davis: It is a jail. It's a jail. But I have to tell you, I feel the most amazing human beings are the ones that have gone to the darkness and come out into the light. There's something about somebody surviving that internal battle that I just love them even more. And I can hear that when you're speaking, but yeah, that sexual anorexia side definitely should be looked at because the last thing you want. To do is not be intimate or have that connection with another human being.

[0:34:33] Rosie: Absolutely.

[0:34:34] Brianne Davis: But I do have one more question before I let you go. So now that you said you moved through it and if somebody's listening, they're struggling with that inner voice that is restricting, weighing themselves, all that stuff, hiding themselves, what would be your advice for them?

[0:34:54] Rosie: Well, I would definitely talk to somebody about this openly choose a person that they trust as their guardian angels, I guess, and really just talk to them without shame about every single thing that they're feeling in their body. And don't be scared to go deep into the dark, disgusting side of it all because I've got the feeling because we are all humans and we all share this, it's not about losing the weight, but it's about loosening the tension inside the body of what is holding back the highest purpose within us. So only when you talk about it and you strip that away from you, then you really see who you truly are. So yes, we go through the nasty bits of hating ourselves or not liking ourselves. We've got these monsters attacking us in forms of thoughts or in forms of words, hurtful things that other people do to us. But at the end of the day, they're just test for us to really see, okay, I really need to put my own heart up my sleeve and really see who I am through this because anorexias know who I was, there was more to them. And that's why also Moana's song really is striking for me because whatever you go through doesn't define you. And I think back in the days I was scared to say that I had anorexia in some sort of form because I was scared that that was going to define me and I didn't want to be defined by that.

[0:36:38] Brianne Davis: Wow.

[0:36:38] Rosie: So I think, yeah, that's the other thing. That's not who we are. Your disease, your disorder, your mental health status is not who you are. Everything passes as long as you give them time to express themselves and talk openly as they are. Even though they sound ugly and they sound messy and they sound they don't make sense. Just I think, write, create in any form, draw. I've drawn a lot of dark figures to let that darkness come through and out of me rather than keeping it stuck inside. So I think, yeah, what I would suggest, definitely talk, write, draw, go out, move it out, talk to the trees. Something. That's the other thing. If you don't want to talk to somebody, talk to the wind, talk to the tree, let it out, don't keep it inside in a cage.

[0:37:34] Brianne Davis: Well, thank you so much for sharing your story and your journey with us.

[0:37:38] Rosie: Thank you for listening and if you.

[0:37:41] Brianne Davis: Want to be on the show, please email me at secret Life podcast@icloud.com. Until next time, thanks again for listening to the show, please subscribe rate share or send me a note@secretlifepodcast.com. And if you'd like to check out my book, head over to secretlifenovel.com or amazon to pick up a copy for yourself or someone you love. Thanks again. See you soon.

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Carly: I Was Essentially Held Hostage By My Client For 2 Years

Mon, 02 Jan 2023 08:00:00 +0000

Carly was a love addict from a young age and held captive in a toxic relationship for two years. When she met her ex-husband at 27, she forced the relationship to work because he was the least toxic person she'd been with in a while. Unfortunately, it descended into a cycle of him grabbing at her and her pulling back, making him feel unloved and her feel disempowered. She stayed out of a sense of obligation, but when the pandemic hit and her ex-husband lost his job, he spiraled into depression.

At this point, Carly was in a state of self-deprivation and vulnerable to flattery, attention, and compliments. This is when her client--who was married--started pursuing her despite her shutting down his advances multiple times. He persisted and eventually called her from a different number, love-bombing her and begging her to give him a chance.

Unfortunately, this ended in an all-too-familiar scenario. The client sexually forced himself upon her, making it clear that it is possible to be taken advantage of even if you don't say no. This is why it is so important to recognize the difference between a sex addict and a sociopathic or narcissistic person, and to run if someone is threatening suicide over you, or abort the mission if someone cannot be alone. It is also possible to disappear to save yourself from an abusive situation.

Host Brianne Davis dives deep into the often-ignored dark side of romantic relationships. Through interviews and personal accounts of her own experiences with love addiction, she offers insight and advice to listeners looking to heal from past hurts and break free from unhealthy relationships. Join Brianne every week as she shares stories of heartache, resilience and triumph as she works to help others find the strength to overcome their situation and build better relationships going forward.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

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To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

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SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

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Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

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Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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TRANSCRIPT

[0:00:00] Carly: But it was just continual threats of, you know, I will tell my wife, she'll come after me. And she does have a history. She'll come after you, she'll come after your license. I will destroy your life. I will get your kids taken away from you here. I'm in the middle of a divorce, too, at the same time, so there's a lot of poll there.

[0:00:30] Brianne Davis: Welcome to the Secret Life Podcast. Tell me your secret, I'll tell you mine. Sometimes you have to go through the darkness to reach the light. That's what I did. After twelve years of recovery in sex and love addiction, I finally found my soulmate myself. Please join me in my novel, Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex and love Addict. A four time bestseller on Amazon. It's a brutal, honest, raw, gnarly ride, but hilarious at the same time. Check it out now on Amazon.

Welcome to Secret Life Podcast. I'm Brianne Davis-Gantt. Today, I'm pulling back the curtains of all kinds of human secrets. We'll hear about what people are hiding from themselves or others. You know, those deep, dark secrets you probably want to take to your grave, or those lighter or funnier secrets that are just plain embarrassing, really, the how, what, when live at all. Today.

[0:01:31] Brianne Davis: My guest is Carly. Now, Carly, I have a question for you. Dun dun dun. What is your secret?

[0:01:39] Carly: Oh, my goodness. Yeah. My biggest life secret is how I ended up being literally held captive by a qualifier for about two years. And on the outside, I was like, this working professional and raising three kids and doing all that, but nobody would have known that on a day to day basis, I was like, being tracked and couldn't communicate with friends and was stuck at home in my personal life. Yeah. So it's a complicated story, but I thought it would be better to start with the end first so that we kind of know what we're building up to because there's obviously history there as to how one gets to that place.

[0:02:22] Brianne Davis: Yeah. So take us back take us back to the beginning. How did you get involved with this person?

[0:02:29] Carly: Yes, well, we'll actually go back a little bit further than that because it's important. I'll just truncate the earlier years of my life, let's just say that I became a love addict pretty early on. Didn't get a lot of affection and love from my caregivers, and so really learned early on in high school years, early 20s, like, relationships hit the hit just that spot for me and was involved in a lot of relationships just because I wanted the validation and the approval and the praise. So I just wanted to share that piece because this has been a long, ongoing pattern that I think really built up for this.

[0:03:13] Brianne Davis: I have a question for you, though. I have a question before you get into that, because you said you would get with people for the attention and validation. Did you get with people that were toxic? Did you get with people you weren't really in love with? Did you get with people that just liked you, so you automatically liked them? What was that little dynamic?

[0:03:35] Carly: Yeah, I think that's a great question. I would say all of the above. It kind of just depended on the mood I was in, what I needed. Sometimes I'll even say, like, how desperate I was.

[0:03:45] Brianne Davis: Yes.

[0:03:46] Carly: The very first relationship that I really noticed this love addiction over was a qualifier. He was definitely a narcissist, and so I got hooked into that. Unfortunately, he did rape me in the day rape scenario, and so I think that also there was this trauma bonding piece there.

[0:04:12] Brianne Davis: So you dated him after he did that?

[0:04:15] Carly: Yeah, that was the first time I'd ever had sex, and I had told him I didn't want to have sex. I wanted to wait until I was married. And he played along for a while, and then one night, he just forced me to do it. Like, literally held down. Wow. And so after that and it was so confusing because at this point, I was infatuated with this person, and I just couldn't see him for who he really was. And I was 18, and he was very popular, and he was kind of picturesque. We were both pretty well into our sports and went to college for that. So it's kind of this picturesque from the outside scenario.

[0:04:56] Brianne Davis: But inside, he totally violated you.

[0:04:59] Carly: Yes.

[0:04:59] Brianne Davis: Didn't listen to you, you didn't have a voice, and that was your first person you ever slept with and how damaging that is.

[0:05:08] Carly: Yeah, well, I just remember walking away feeling ruined, like, okay, I have to stay with this person. I have to make this work because I don't have anything to really offer. That's an important piece. That relationship went on and off for about three years. But I would say that we'd get into a lot of relationships, some that were toxic, some that were convenient, some with people I wasn't even interested in.

[0:05:36] Brianne Davis: I've been there too. I was like, oh, you like me. I guess I like you, too, for.

[0:05:42] Carly: The attention I liked that. The validation, the praise. I believed I needed that stuff.

[0:05:50] Brianne Davis: Did you always feel, too, for you with the power dynamic? If someone liked you and you weren't really interested in them, at least you had that power position?

[0:05:58] Carly: Yes. Because I could always play the card if I needed to. Absolutely. Yeah. Okay, cool.

[0:06:04] Brianne Davis: Thank you for sharing that. I was just wondering.

[0:06:06] Carly: Thank you.

[0:06:07] Brianne Davis: But you were saying then at 26, you were about to stay at 26.

[0:06:11] Carly: Yeah, 27. I had been dating on and off, and many of my friends were married at that time and were starting to have kids, and so I was feeling the pressure there to do that, and I hadn't really found anyone that I'd hand out. And so I met my ex husband at 27 and I pretty much forced it to work because he was like the least toxic person that I had been with in a while. And he needed some rescuing, which we all love to do.

[0:06:48] Brianne Davis: You need some rescuing? I'm there.

[0:06:50] Carly: That's right. You need me, I will be there. And so I kind of knew in my heart that my higher power was like, no, but I pushed it. I own the fact that I was not ready to be alone again. And so I kind of forced that situation.

[0:07:10] Brianne Davis: What do you mean by forced that situation? Mean, in your mind, you forced it.

[0:07:14] Carly: Yeah, exactly. He was way into me and was fine. He was pursuing me. I just had other insight in my heart that I was like, It's kind of a mess. Like, his family life was a mess. I mean, there was just a lot going on, but I was terrified of being alone again. I was like, no, this person is good enough. I remember saying that and thinking that this person is good enough. Because I think, I believe deep down in my heart that I might be alone, that I might not get married. And I think that has a lot to do with my feeling of value and self worth. Yeah.

[0:07:52] Brianne Davis: Especially if everyone around you is doing it.

[0:07:55] Carly: Yeah. And asking you, right, when are you going to settle down? Or whatever. So that's what I mean by force, that I didn't force him. I was forcing myself, in a sense, to just ignore my intuition. Yeah. I don't recommend that, but I would.

[0:08:13] Brianne Davis: Not recommend that either. Tip number one, don't ignore your intuition.

[0:08:20] Carly: Great. Write that down. So we got married and it's kind of, I would say predictable a bit, but I was the love avoidant in the marriage. He was the love addict in the marriage and he was very needy and I was constantly rescuing and saving. And there was a lot of struggles in the marriage.

[0:08:45] Brianne Davis: Can you name some in case someone is in a marriage that is sounding similar? Like, what are some of the struggles you remember?

[0:08:53] Carly: Neither one of us really had a healthy sense of ourselves. I was very successful and confident in my career and he didn't have that confidence, so he would over rely on me to sort of build him up or help him get some connections. There was just a really overreliance on me for his security. And then what's interesting, right, I have some meshmen from my childhood. And so his grabbing at me is what that felt like was very repulsive to me. I was like, oh, my gosh, I need you to be a man, get your career set up. Yeah, I need someone for me. I'm forging a brand new business and doing all this stuff. Yeah. And so we would just kind of go round and round in circles with that, and he just didn't have the tools. And I didn't either, honestly, to just say, this is who he is. This is who I am. I can't make somebody be somebody that they're not. Because in rescuing, I thought, okay, well, I'll just teach them these things and I'll help them, and that's not my job. I don't think that's anybody's job.

[0:10:07] Brianne Davis: No, it's nobody's job. I mean, I've been with my husband for 18 years, and there's things that I don't struggle with that he struggles with, that I can't fix for him or even teach him. It's like he has to do it for himself without side help. You can't do that within the relationship.

[0:10:25] Carly: Exactly. And I didn't have a family that sought different help. I just went in with that naivety of like, oh, well, I'll help him and change him, and exactly. It was so disempowering for him. Right. Because I'm the one who's sort of, like, helping him through everything. And I think it was really emasculating in some ways, not intentionally, but when somebody's constantly helping and rescuing you, that doesn't feel empowering, that you don't get.

[0:11:00] Brianne Davis: To even build that inner self of self reliance.

[0:11:04] Carly: Right. Yeah. So as you can imagine, the cycle went on. He would grab at me, I would pull back. He would get really angry that I was pulling back, and he would not feel loved and cared for, and then I would just grab some more. I'd pull back. It was just kind of this really long cycle. Eventually, towards the end of the marriage, we were together. We were married for 14 years. Towards the end of the marriage, we had both just sort of, I would say, become apathetic. Like, we're just living together. Exactly. He kind of got settled in his own career, which, I mean, that was good. So I think we just sort of came to status quo, if you will. We weren't intimate.

[0:11:49] Carly: We weren't connecting. We had three kids well, sorry, two at the time, towards the end of the marriage. And so we were living. And it wasn't bad, but it was, like, very lonely, just like, okay. And throughout my marriage, I didn't want to get a divorce. That was something that I should throw in here. That's just some of my own personal things. And my parents pushed through their marriage. I'm not saying that that was necessarily the best thing, but I think I just had agreed to, like, okay, this is what it's going to be like in my marriage. We're just going to do the best.

[0:12:28] Brianne Davis: Of it, and I'm just going to keep living. Not thriving, but almost surviving. Right?

[0:12:34] Carly: Exactly. I think that there was just this part of me like this would have meant we just had become apathetic. Never once in my marriage did I ever look at another man, talk to another man inappropriately. I really didn't. And I had not been unfaithful to anybody before that in any of my relationships. And I'm not saying that was like self praise. It's not something I had really, I just didn't believe.

[0:13:04] Brianne Davis: I don't know. I think that's great because lots of people do do that, even DM, or getting that attention somewhere else, or having a close friend. That's what I hear about, I'm like close friend, please, or emotional affair or even a physical affair. People do do those things instead of saying, hey, something's wrong in this marriage. But yes, I think it's great you didn't go that route. I've went that route.

[0:13:28] Carly: I'm the cheater.

[0:13:29] Brianne Davis: Totally.

[0:13:30] Carly: So, I mean, it's interesting, right? The route that I went was just like sheer self deprivation. That's really what ended up happening, is like, okay, well, I'm going to settle for this, and it's just going to suck, and we're going to make this happen, and I just won't have what I need or what I want. I don't know. I just settled for that. And that's an old lifelong pattern as well. And my career to you by your.

[0:13:54] Brianne Davis: Parents, it seemed it was mirrored almost.

[0:13:57] Carly: Yeah, exactly. I was there for them. They weren't there for me growing up. I was there for them. So my career is important to mention at this point because I am in the mental health profession or the field, and I work with sex addiction, I work with sex addicts and with couples. And so it's interesting, right, because I had a lot of insight and a lot of knowledge about what does happen when you go outside of the marriage. Just all the stuff, right, with betrayal and trauma. And so anyways, had worked with many a male individually at that point, some quite truly narcissistic, truly controlling, manipulative. And I had actually learned how to advocate for myself and draw some really clear boundaries throughout those years with working with that population, and at that point had even just had to fire some clients depending on the situation of appropriateness and that sort of thing.

[0:15:04] Brianne Davis: So first you learned in boundaries in your career before your relationship.

[0:15:11] Carly: Which I understand that in a lot of ways, just because there are more clear boundaries in a profession, I believe, right, it's like, okay, no, we're not here to flirt. Like, I'm here too. We're here to work through what you're working through and hopefully get your marriage to work. Something like that. Anyway. But I bring all that up because when COVID hits, there was a few different things. My ex husband lost his in the airline industry, the airline industry went under, he lost his job, and he really spiraled into a pretty significant depression. Then he had an accident. He actually had a really bad accident and injured to his hand. It ended up amputating one of a finger in our backyard. So I say all this because during that same time so with COVID I'm starting to work full time. I am. He's unemployed. I am taking care of the kids as well. He's injured his hand.

[0:16:16] Carly: He had to have three surgeries on the hand, so he cannot help at all with our children. And then the last straw was he was going to change careers again. And I was like, I'm drowning here. I can't support you through another career change. I'm growing the practice, doing all this stuff. I can't do that. To which he was very hurt and angry and whatever. And at that point, I just said, I'm done. I can't do this anymore. I need a separation. I can't do this anymore.

[0:16:53] Brianne Davis: You were tapped out. You were tapped out. You were mentally, emotionally depleted.

[0:16:59] Carly: I was, and I had given everything. And the last thing is that I had just given birth to our youngest a year before, or sorry, about six months before. I'm sorry about six months before. She would not take a bottle, so I'm having her transported back and forth up to my office while I'm working full time, breastfeeding, pumping, doing the whole it was just brutal. It was brutal.

[0:17:27] Brianne Davis: Breastfeeding is brutal, brutal.

[0:17:31] Carly: And it was kind of my third, so I was very familiar with but it was just the logistics of it were so hard. So anyways, I said, I want a separation. I want the separation. So essentially what had happened is about two weeks after we separated inside of our house at that time, because he didn't have a job, and I needed help with the kids wherever I could get some support, whatever. So we just did that. And a client who I had worked with for about a year and a half had started giving me probably the month before. Clients can read energy, by the way. I'm just going to share that because they just can. Right. You're in a room with another person that you talk to often. So this client had inquired, is everything okay? What's going on? We had worked together for about a year and a half. This client is married and had given off kind of this flirty vibe that I had shut down a few different times. Absolutely not.

[0:18:31] Carly: Yeah, and that's not what we're here for. This client had inquired, hey, is everything okay? You seem a little off. And I just didn't give any details. I just said, yeah, I'm just going through a lot personally. There's been a lot going on, and that's about as many details as I usually give, honestly, just to sort of truncate this. They were very persistent and well, and I had sorry, I should say, I had told this client, I said, you know, I think our work is really coming to a close right now. I think at the very least, we should take a break, and we can pick it back up later if you guys are needing some more. I was working with him individually to theoretically sustain the marriage.

[0:19:14] Brianne Davis: Yes.

[0:19:15] Carly: To which he said, no, I don't want to break. He said, I enjoy coming here. This is kind of my outlet, if you will, and you're one of my best friends, which I said, no, I'm not. Oh, no.

[0:19:26] Brianne Davis: Red flag. Red, black, red flag.

[0:19:29] Carly: Exactly. I said, no, I'm not your best friend. I said, I'm flattered, in a sense, just to know that you feel a connection. I said, but that's not what this is. So he said, Well, I think I'll start spiraling backwards if we didn't meet. And I said, okay, we can do this for a couple more months, and then we can just go from there. Okay, mistake number one.

[0:19:50] Brianne Davis: Mistake number one not trusting your instinct to know.

[0:19:53] Carly: It was not trusting my instinct yet. And twice I had mentioned this, closing our work, and at this point, I had started to become internally, not externally, really, like what's the word? Just, I think, impressed. Right? That this person this is a person very successful, very well known in the community, was even, like, having those feelings or thoughts towards me. It was flattering.

[0:20:22] Brianne Davis: Right?

[0:20:22] Carly: And if you're flattering, your marriage is.

[0:20:24] Brianne Davis: Dissolving, and you, oh, my gosh, there's this wound you have to heal, right? Any relationship that ends, there's a wound, so you hadn't healed. And then this guy that is probably attractive, really? That's flattering. I get it.

[0:20:47] Carly: Anyways, we cut meetings, and he had mentioned a few sessions later, he was like, Sometimes I just think it'd be helpful if I could call you in between session and check in about a few things. And I was like, no, I'm not okay with that. I said, first of all, I think that would really be very difficult for your wife, that you're just calling up another female, even if it is a professional. I said, And I don't want any red flags raised with her coming after me. It's very sensitive in the field of betrayal.

[0:21:15] Brianne Davis: Right. Well, you can get your license and stuff taken away.

[0:21:19] Carly: Yeah, sure. And I'm another female, right, that the partners are talking to. So I never met with the wife or anything at all. That wasn't something she was interested in. But nonetheless, I just told him that, no, I'm not okay with that. So about two weeks later, this person calls me from another number sorry, text me from another number. And I think at that point, I was just, like, shocked and really flattered and intrigued, but also terrified I'm going to use all of those words altogether. And I texted back, oh, I didn't text back. No, I did not text back. I called because I didn't know who had access to what.

[0:22:09] Brianne Davis: Yeah.

[0:22:10] Carly: And I said, what are you doing, and Where is your wife? Like, what is going on? And he was like, Well, I know you don't just like me as a friend. And I said no. I said, I think the story is you don't like me just as a friend. So we got into this conversation, and he said he essentially just begged me. He was like, can you give this a chance? I want to make you the happiest woman in the world. I know how special you are. I think you're incredible. You're smart, you've got an amazing career in practice, blah, blah, blah, blah. All the flattery, all the love bombing. Just name it what it is.

[0:22:46] Brianne Davis: First of all, tip number three, he didn't respect your boundaries and called you on a numbered number. Tip number four, he loved bombed you while he was married. There we go. There's all the tips so far.

[0:22:56] Carly: There's all the tips. That's right. We're ready to move down. But here's the thing, right? It's like, at this point, I was in such self deprivation that this was all very hard for me to resist, even when I was, oh, it is absolutely.

[0:23:13] Brianne Davis: That flattery, that high, that feeling wanted. Especially after being in a marriage that didn't wasn't healthy. You're like anything. You're, like thirsty for water.

[0:23:27] Carly: Exactly. I love that you said that, because I have three close friends who all use the same analogy, like, thirsty people will drink dirty water. I was like, so true. So true. So essentially, he said, look, can you just think about this? And I was like, there's nothing to think about. I said, this is my license. This is my life. I said, I can't do this. And so at that point, he started spiraling. And so like, well, I'm going to kill myself then, because I can't not have you in my life.

[0:24:02] Brianne Davis: Tip number five, if someone's going to kill themselves over you, run.

[0:24:08] Carly: It's true. Although that was a huge trigger point for me, honestly. He was like, and everyone will know because you're my therapist. And so it was going to make it sort of like it was insinuated, right? But it was going to be this very public thing because of me. And this is somebody who has connections, I mean, with everybody. I didn't want to say later on in the story, I didn't call the local police. I called the city police because he's connected. So that being said is I panicked, and I was like and he was like, Just give it just give it 30 days. And I was like, fine. I will give it 30 days.

[0:24:52] Brianne Davis: You said fine.

[0:24:54] Carly: I did.

[0:24:54] Brianne Davis: You were taken hostage already?

[0:24:57] Carly: Yeah. What are you signing the lease for?

[0:24:59] Brianne Davis: 30 days.

[0:25:00] Carly: Well said. Thank you.

[0:25:02] Brianne Davis: You know what I mean?

[0:25:03] Carly: Yes.

[0:25:04] Brianne Davis: The insanity of that, I was terrified at this point.

[0:25:08] Carly: It was sheer terror. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. I actually went home and told my husband, who I was separated from at the time. I was like, look, this person has started pursuing me. I'm just not a secrets holder. I'm just not. I was like, so I said, I don't know where this is going. I said, But I'm not going to be lying about these things. So anyways, let's just fast forward. Almost the same scenario happened with my first boyfriend where this person ended up sexually forcing himself on me as well.

[0:25:53] Brianne Davis: Someone you dated took advantage of you?

[0:25:56] Carly: Yeah, well, if you can call it a dating I would say it's sort of like Stockholm syndrome, but totally.

[0:26:02] Brianne Davis: You got held hostage. Let's just say, like he was threatening suicide, your license was going to be taken away, he could have made up lies, all that stuff. And you were being held hostage and he took sexual advantage of you.

[0:26:13] Carly: He did. And I again told him, I was like, I'm not even there yet. I don't even know you in that way. I'm not there.

[0:26:22] Brianne Davis: And where did that happen? Can you even say where that happened?

[0:26:26] Carly: Yeah, I had gone away for a weekend to the beach in this area and he asked if he could drive down because it was just me. And I said, yeah, let me think about it. And so I said, yeah, that's fine. So we met up actually, like in this public place anyways. And so we met up in a public place and we were just talking and it was chill. And then we ended up this was again, not what you want to do, but we ended up going back to my room. It was freezing and raining and so we ended up going back to my room and it was a big suite, so we're just sitting on the couch area. And I was really intentional about all of that too, honestly. And then I can't really remember parts of it. I disassociated pretty bad and I kept having some flashbacks. I had several flashbacks during that time. So he did. He forced himself on me. And I have such a hard time saying no, which is just sort of my trauma reactivity there.

[0:27:38] Brianne Davis: Well, you freeze, probably.

[0:27:40] Carly: I do.

[0:27:40] Brianne Davis: Even if you don't say no and you freeze, you are being taken advantage of. Yes, you'd have to say no for it not but you actually don't. That's still sexual assault. I just want to make that clear for anybody listening.

[0:27:56] Carly: No, I like that. I appreciate that. Yeah, I was physically shaking, physically shaking. And it was just full on compliance mode. And this person had already I mean, I didn't have a no with this person. So that happened and that was a real turning point to where, again, it triggered this like, I've got to make this work because I'm going to lose my entire life. He's going to destroy everything. Yeah, I saw this entire other side of this person. It's important to note this is sociopathic and narcissistic behavior. This isn't just somebody who is your typical sex addict. So I just want to clarify, there's a big difference, but of course not all these things are known until you're in these places reflecting, until you're showing their true self. But essentially this goes on, right? For a year and a half. Wow.

[0:28:59] Brianne Davis: And I tried a long time.

[0:29:02] Carly: I tried to leave numerous times, tried to leave numerous times, but I was, like, tracked, sometimes followed by different people. And it was just the whole thing. I did try to love him, to survive him. I did. There were attractive things about him and good things about him.

[0:29:25] Brianne Davis: Was he still married?

[0:29:27] Carly: Oh, yeah.

[0:29:28] Brianne Davis: So you were even a secret in that?

[0:29:30] Carly: Absolutely. I was completely secret. He refused. He could not leave the marriage until he knew that I was all in because he's terrified. And he was straightforward about this. I'm terrified of being alone. I cannot be alone. He's terrified of it. And he was like, you don't understand what happens to me when I'm alone. And of course, in my mind of being, yeah, I do know what happens to you.

[0:29:51] Brianne Davis: Kid number six, if someone can't be alone, abort mission.

[0:29:56] Carly: Right? There you go. So, yes, this whole time, and I kept telling him, I was like, she's going to find out. Everything in the dark, comes into the light. And let's be clear that this wife, rightfully so, had trackers on all of his vehicles. This is somebody with multiple trackers. Cell phone tracked his cell phone, had everything stained. He's calling me and connecting me with a secret phone this whole time. And he's living there, and they are separated in their house as well, and they have been for a long time, but he's living there because he can't leave her unless he knows everything's okay with me. Well, I'm not giving him any indication that I'm sticking around because I'm continuing to try to avoid this whole thing, but it was just continual threats of, I will tell my wife, she'll come after me. And she does have a history. She'll come after you, she'll come after your license. I will destroy your life. I will get your kids taken away from you here. I'm in the middle of a divorce, too, at the same time, so there's a lot of I know we're running.

[0:31:00] Brianne Davis: Out of time, but how did you get out of it? I'm just like, on pins and needles. How did you happen to get out of it?

[0:31:07] Carly: Well, what I did was I secretly planned to admit to trauma treatment. I knew I needed to go to treatment and get out. And despite the bullet, I already had a restraining order on him at this time, which he was complying with as long as I didn't leave him. But all threats were still at bay. He's like, I'll post pictures of you all over the internet. I'll do whatever. So I essentially had to make a secret plan with my best friend. She booked the tickets, and I did all the treatment planning, and I did it all in secret from a different device. And then one morning, actually, unfortunately, it was ironically. On his birthday.

[0:31:55] Brianne Davis: Happy birthday.

[0:31:57] Carly: I woke up and I left and I was gone for a couple of months. Wow. And there was a little bit of contact had after. When I came back, this was really different. It wasn't anything like that. And that was it. That was it, essentially. I don't really know what happened. I fully believe that God just rescued me from that situation. And he got distracted or something by somebody else. Once. I was just unattainable. I mean, I just was gone.

[0:32:26] Brianne Davis: You just cut it all off. You just pretty much just disappeared to save yourself.

[0:32:32] Carly: Yeah.

[0:32:32] Brianne Davis: That's what I tell people. I work with this one client. I'm like, disappear. You can disappear. You can go, you can go. You can get out of this. You can get away from this abusive person. Wow.

[0:32:46] Carly: If it's bad enough.

[0:32:47] Brianne Davis: So if you're stuck, disappear, it's okay.

[0:32:50] Carly: Yeah.

[0:32:51] Brianne Davis: Because a lot of people think that's weak, just so you know. And I don't think it's weak.

[0:32:55] Carly: Well, I'm back in the same area. My practice is what it is. I didn't even get to get to this part. But she did find out about the phone and about me and so my license no, the board was very supportive, actually, because I just told them the whole truth. And I had evidence and all this, you know, text. And I had I told them the whole truth of the situation to which they were very gracious of an understanding of because, honestly, I should have had my license revoked. That's just the reality of the situation. But I did not. I don't have any restrictions on my license. And I see that as just the grace of God.

[0:33:32] Brianne Davis: And also your authenticity of the truth. Do you see what I'm saying? There's accountability and saying, yes, these are the things that happen. Here's how it happened. Did I have a part in it? Yes.

[0:33:44] Carly: And I told them all of that. I did.

[0:33:47] Brianne Davis: I think that is the saving grace of you, I just have to say, because there's this part of you that's really authentic in the real and the raw and the struggle with yourself and with others.

[0:34:00] Carly: Yeah, thank you for that. I appreciate that. I do believe that the truth sets us free. I do.

[0:34:06] Brianne Davis: It does. Oh my God. We're running out of town and we could literally talk forever, but is there anything else that the listeners you think need to hear or something that you really learned from this experience? I know we only have a couple of minutes left.

[0:34:19] Carly: Yeah, it's okay. I just hope that some people can maybe connect with some of the details. It's a crazy story. So not all the details, but bits and pieces right. That you can connect with. I still work program. I am in a twelve step recovery program for sex and love addiction. And I work program and I've learned so much through this, just about even what I want in my own relationships. Personally and professionally, yes, but more so personally. And that everything has a silver lining. All tragedies. I've grown so much from this and I have such a just heart in general for people going through this. But you don't have to stay in that. You do not have to stay in that. No matter what.

[0:35:03] Brianne Davis: No matter what. Thank you so much for coming on Secret Life. I'm so grateful for your story.

[0:35:09] Carly: Yeah, thank you for having me.

[0:35:10] Brianne Davis: And if you want to be on the show, please email me at secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. Until next time.

Thanks again for listening to the show. Please subscribe rate share or send me a note to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. And if you'd like to check out my book, head over to secretlifenovel.com or Amazon to pick up a copy for yourself or someone you love. Thanks again. See you soon.

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Anton: I've Always Wanted to be an Actor

Mon, 26 Dec 2022 08:00:00 +0000

The Secret to a Successful Life: Follow Your Passion — Anton always wanted to be an actor, but as a gay Armenian man, he didn't see representation on tv and in films, so it seemed almost impossible. Brianne and Anton dig into Hollywood's new focus on diversity and inclusion, following your dreams, and never giving up. This a great episode to lead you into the New Year's resolutions!

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

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To share your secret and be a guest on the show, email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

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TRANSCRIPT:

Anton 00:00:00 Most people do not know this about me. And there's a there's a reason for that. Because I think that we will keep secrets because, I don't know, we're embarrassed that there wasn't a resolution or because we find something else that we're passionate about. There's so many different things. You know what I mean? Like, it's it's so funny. M.

Brianne Davis 00:00:30 Welcome to the Secret Life Podcast. Tell me your secret, I'll tell you mine. Sometimes you have to go through the darkness to reach the light. That's what I did. After twelve years of recovery in sex and love addiction, I finally found my soulmate myself. Please join me in my novel, secret Life of a Hollywood sex and love Addict. A four time bestseller on Amazon. It's a brutal, honest, raw, gnarly ride, but hilarious at the same time. Check it out now on Amazon. Welcome to Secret Life Podcast. I'm Bryanne Davis Gantt. Today, I'm pulling back the curtains of all kinds of human secrets. We'll hear about what people are hiding from themselves or others. You know, those deep, dark secrets we probably want to go to our grave with, or those lighter, funnier secrets that are just plain embarrassing, really. The how, what, when, where, and m why of it all. Today, my guest is the amazing Anton. Now, Anton, I have a question for you. Yes, dun dun dun. What is your secret?

Anton 00:01:45 Okay, so, my secret you're going to trip on this.

Brianne Davis 00:01:49 Oh, my God, I can't wait. I'm, like, grinning.

Anton 00:01:53 Um, that I wanted to be an actor.

Brianne Davis 00:01:56 What?

Anton 00:01:57 I know.

Brianne Davis 00:01:58 Wow, that was really loud. Sorry, people. What?

Anton 00:02:01 I know, it's crazy, right? And we wait a second.

Brianne Davis 00:02:05 We've worke together.

Anton 00:02:06 I've done your makeup, like, a ton. I'm a makeup artist, uh, to everyone out there.

Brianne Davis 00:02:11 Everyone. If you need the most amazing eyes, like, eye makeup done, he is the person. But you've never told me. I mean, we've talked about everything.

Anton 00:02:21 Yeah, and it's interesting because it's something that I don't most people, maybe a couple of my friends know this, but most people do not know this about me. And, uh, there's a reason for that. Because I think that we will keep secrets because, I don't know, we're embarrassed that there wasn't a resolution or because we find something else that we're passionate about. There's so many different things. You know what I mean? It's so funny.

Brianne Davis 00:02:54 Okay, but we got to go back to the beginning. When do you want to become an actor? Like, at what age?

Anton 00:03:00 Well, it definitely wasn't when I was a kid or anything like that. I moved to Los Angeles about ten years ago, and I started working more full time as a, uh, makeup artist. And I love doing makeup, and I still do, and I'm very passionate about it. But I started to realize when I first moved to La. That I'm working with a lot of actors, and it's really cool what they're doing. I like that whole scene of working with a crew and working with a team, and I always found that to be really interesting. And there's this family unit involved, and I also always saw my clients not more in the spotlight, in the sense that's what I wanted, but more in the spotlight of, like, everyone wanted to meet their needs. Everyone wants to make sure their needs are met, and everyone else around them is kind of not significant. Catering to it.

Brianne Davis 00:04:03 When you're the actor, you're the most important person.

Anton 00:04:06 Exactly.

Brianne Davis 00:04:07 All this energy is like I was just talking to somebody on set. You're literally getting touched. Twenty four seven.

Anton 00:04:14 Yes, it's true. Everybody needs to do something, and it involves the actor.

Brianne Davis 00:04:21 Yes.

Anton 00:04:22 So I always found that to be really fascinating, but then I never really tried. I mean, I started to do makeup pretty quickly on a freelance basis. I was working at Mac. I was working in retail in Arizona, where I'm from. I left the company after six years, and then I moved here, and I was working for a different brand, a brand called Hourglass.

Brianne Davis 00:04:44 I love ah hourglass.

Anton 00:04:46 Yeah, we've definitely chatted about that. But it was in a retail capacity until I could kind of stabilize my freelance career. And I loved it, and I still love it. So it was never an issue of, am I missing out on something? But at the same time, there was that, what if I tried?

Brianne Davis 00:05:05 Kind of no, wait, you never even tried? Did you even go on audition?

Anton 00:05:08 No. And the reason was because a couple of years, ah, maybe gosh, it might have even been just a year after I moved here, um, I was approached to do an on camera kind of tutorial for a show, obviously as myself, um, teaching. I was doing, like, a smoky eye tutorial on a show. It was actually one of RuPaul's shows. Uh, it was a spin off of RuPaul's Drag Race called RuPaul's Drag You.

Brianne Davis 00:05:38 Okay?

Anton 00:05:39 They would basically take a woman who would like, she feels like she kind of lost her swag, and she lost her way with her style, and she needed that re up, kind of glow up, that now everyone is kind of saying situation. And she would get assigned a drag queen professor, one of the kind of alumni from one of the other shows. And, um, then there were three women on the show who all had their own professor, and they all had to compete. So they would bring in these kind of beauty experts. And I got to come in and do this on camera smokey eye tutorial, which was really fun. And I got to play on my personality and everybody else's personality. And a show like that has a whole lot of personality. Oh, yeah, it was really fun. And I realized very quickly, I'm like, maybe being myself on camera is the real thing, that I'm kind of wanting to do.

Brianne Davis 00:06:37 Okay, but I have a question for you, and I love that I love that you love the whole aspect of the entertainment business and the family, but do you think you first wanted to become an actor for the poshy glam side and not the hard working you're getting your ass handed to you?

Anton 00:06:58 You know what? It's so interesting you say that, because it's probably because, oh, gosh, he's thinking hard, people.

Brianne Davis 00:07:11 She should see his face.

Anton 00:07:13 She could see me. I'm glad no one else can. No, I'm kidding. But, um no, it's so interesting because I think being new to the business and new to the industry ten years ago, mhm very, very easy to see that side of it and to think, well, I can do this too. Why shouldn't I try? Why shouldn't I, um, get that kind of attention? But I was also 25. I was still trying to find my way and figure it out. And then I quickly realized, this is not easy. M this has to be a passion. You can't just wake up and necessarily want to do something like this. And it wasn't that wake for me. I always found it to be kind of like a fascinating, like, oh, well, I have a big personality, so I could learn a script. Like, what's the big deal? But then I quickly realized, I'm like, well, maybe that script is just my own life. Maybe that's maybe it's my life.

Brianne Davis 00:08:06 You don't want to play other people. See, because I became an actor because I didn't want to be myself. I wanted to be somebody else. And I loved putting on other people's clothes and shoes and talking different and becoming a different character.

Anton 00:08:21 Yeah, I love that. I mean, I think that's so cool, like, for you. But I, uh, think that you, as an actor, you're moldable in the sense that you can step into that character and be a blank canvas for that director versus not everyone is that way. And for me, I think it's very much like I'm kind of a big personality in the sense of just who.

Brianne Davis 00:08:46 You take up a lot of space.

Anton 00:08:48 I do take up space, because let.

Brianne Davis 00:08:49 Me tell you people, when he's doing my makeup at 05:00 a.m., my husband is literally like, uh, Anton is here with Rachel. They're so loud. You guys don't need to scream at each other.

Anton 00:09:03 This is like pre baby, too. He's like, Why are you yelling? I can hear you. Literally, like, you're crossing her face. And it's part of who we are. It's just hysterical. But here's the thing, and I think it would have been very tricky to have tried to be an actor and to maybe have done a couple of little of things and then transition back into makeup artistry. It might be tricky in the sense of being taken seriously at that point. So I think it's probably a good thing that it didn't necessarily go that direction.

Brianne Davis 00:09:46 I'm so fascinated. I would have never thought you wanted to be an actor of that. Yeah, I could see why. What we said, like, the family aspect, the creativity, all these people come together in one for short periods of time, and they create this art, and it's the best feeling in the world, mhm, but it cannot sustain you being an actor.

Anton 00:10:10 Yeah, it's such a trip. But there is another reason why I didn't want to try, and this kind of goes deeper into it. Um, so I feel like it's very finding encouragement from friends and family to just go out and do whatever you want is very difficult. So that can be a very difficult part, too. And I have wonderful parents, I have a great family. They're very supportive of what I do. But if I was wanting to leave home and say I wanted to be an actor, I think it would have kind of, maybe been a tricky situation. So unless you really have the guts to do it at a young age, which many do, and many find that success that way, it's tricky to do that, you know what I mean? I also think that, um, there wasn't a whole lot of representation. There still isn't a whole lot of representation. Hollywood has definitely come a long way, but there weren't really any Armenian, I'm gay. And there were just a lot of situations, um, where I didn't see myself on television or in commercials or in ads. Like, I'm not blond haired or blue eyed, and ten years ago, that's all I really saw. Yeah. And I feel like it's interestingly enough now. There's so much more representation where the blond haired, blue eyed actors are having more of a difficulty.

Brianne Davis 00:11:33 Uh, yes, we are.

Anton 00:11:35 And I know you could speak to that. It's so interesting. But, I mean, if there was a gay person on a show, they were playing themselves or they were being pigeonholed or stereotyped, and that was very, very discouraging also, in the sense of like, well, I have something that I'm doing that I love, and thank goodness for that, because there's no place for me. You know what I mean?

Brianne Davis 00:12:02 It's a bummer.

Anton 00:12:03 It is a bummer, and I don't have any regrets in that regard.

Brianne Davis 00:12:09 Are you trying to tell me right now you're not going to do my makeup anymore? You're going to become an actor?

Anton 00:12:14 Well, no, I will always be there for you because you're fantastic and I adore you. But, um, I definitely think that, um, since that one on camera opportunity that I talked about with, um, RuPaul's show, there have been several others. I did a makeover show on TLC, which was this really cool six part series where I was like, the on camera makeup artist. And then I did a Facebook watch show, um, called Beauty School Knockout, which was really fun. And I was like, the makeup judge. Vanessa Lache was the host of the show, and I was kind of like her guest judge. So I've had a lot of those opportunities surface. And the more I've done them, the more I've realized that I love that as much as I love doing makeup. And m a lot of glam people have a hard time doing on camera things. The fact that I can do that and the fact that I'm comfortable with that, um, just shows me even more. So that like doing a show in that sense, where I am like a beauty expert being myself, not playing somebody else, because that's not at all where I want to go. Everything that I've done in this business for the last decade has showed me that that's not what I want. But being myself on an on camera project 100%, I'm still looking for that next great opportunity.

Brianne Davis 00:13:41 Well, I love that because I think we have this idea of what we're supposed to be, or we have this dream, and sometimes, uh, there's not a reality to it. And you don't put yourself doing the work or what it takes. And I love that you found something else that you're actually passionate about, and then you can put that on camera, that you love being on camera together. Because for me, I actually hate being on camera. Like myself being myself.

Anton 00:14:11 It's so funny, isn't it?

Brianne Davis 00:14:13 I hate my voice. I hate the way I look. I will pick myself apart, but when I'm another character, I don't even see me.

Anton 00:14:22 Yeah, it's interesting. Uh, that's why you're so good at what you do. And I love watching you in your element, because it's so fun, because I know you and I know your personality. And then I'll watch something that you do, and you come across completely differently. Which is the job. Yeah, which is actually literally the job. But for me, it's finding myself even more in those kinds of projects. And I think that we're in such a different place with representation, which is so unbelievable. I think the business has a long way to go, but for anyone who's listening, don't be discouraged by that at all if you want to take the chance on something. Because who knows? If I had done a couple of projects and when I first moved here, and maybe they were really successful, and then I slowly started to transition into, I don't know, maybe like a beauty expert reality kind of thing and kind of built a following in that regard. My career might have been in a different place, but at the same time, I don't regret the past at all.

Brianne Davis 00:15:29 Because we are find our way. Exactly. And you can't even I hate when I do that. Like, go back, well, what if I would have taken this worst?

Anton 00:15:41 Because when it comes to doing something like acting, the fear of failure is really, really huge. Anyone who has a passion about anything can have a fear of failure, and that's completely legitimate. But when you're at the top of the totem pole and the camera is on you, it's much, much scarier.

Brianne Davis 00:16:01 Oh, yeah.

Anton 00:16:01 So, um, definitely not wanting to fail.

Brianne Davis 00:16:05 Yeah, that's what it sounds like. Not wanting to fail. Because failing is hard, man. Rejection is hard.

Anton 00:16:12 Absolutely. I auditioned for a reality show recently, which I did not end up, uh, booking. But they went a completely different path.

Brianne Davis 00:16:24 And how did you handle that?

Anton 00:16:25 It was fine, because when I finally saw the show, they had kind of gone a completely different direction. So it was not.

Brianne Davis 00:16:36 For you before you knew who they actually hired. How was the rejection?

Anton 00:16:43 I was devastated, for sure, because I didn't hear back. I didn't really even get like you never hear back. So I was really bummed because it was for a big network, and I was feeling for sure, like, this was that moment. Because, like I said, I've done plenty of this is not like, uh, oh, you know what? I want to be an on camera personality, being a beauty expert. I've done plenty of that. So I have the experience. I just haven't necessarily found the right project. And I felt like when I did that audition, I mean, I put this huge press kit together, all of the work that you do for something like that, and then just nothing.

Brianne Davis 00:17:21 Cricket.

Anton 00:17:22 Cricket. Like, less than crickets. But then when I finally saw the show, I saw a trailer, and I nearly fainted. I saw the ad for the trailer, and I was like, okay, I might peel over and die, because obviously I didn't do it, and it's a project happened. But then when I saw it, I said, okay, it wasn't a makeup artist they were looking for.

Brianne Davis 00:17:45 Got it.

Anton 00:17:46 It had gone a completely different direction. So I did feel a lot better about that, knowing that it wasn't personal because there really wasn't placed for me. But at the same time, it takes away a part of you when you do all of that planning and all of that work, it's exhausting. And it's, uh, not only physically taxing, but it's emotionally taxing.

Brianne Davis 00:18:11 Yeah. And think about that. You're doing that at least two to three times a week, and you put in the work, and you memorize lines, and you go in and you tape yourself, and you get notes, and you do those notes, and you get dressed and all that stuff.

Anton 00:18:27 Yeah. I remember you telling me once about learning, like, ten pages of script in, like, the night before. You ran, like, two lines, and you were like, did you really have to torture me? Are you kidding me? You could have just had me memorize one page. Yeah, it's insane.

Brianne Davis 00:18:51 They do that. They give you ten pages, you work on them, and then you go and they're like, oh, we're just going to read scene one. And you're like, what?

Anton 00:18:58 Really?

Brianne Davis 00:18:59 Do you understand? I have a child. I have a life. I have to get some sleep. I have to look amazing.

Anton 00:19:06 Nobody cares. You have to do it all. You have to do all of it. And that's it's crazy. I don't know how you do it, honestly. And that's where I'm at with this secret, because it's not only just like, um, I couldn't handle it, but more of what I have learned from the business, like being in the business and working with actors. It's just like it's brutal.

Brianne Davis 00:19:30 It's insane. What are some other things other actresses have told you that you can tell me without giving away who they are?

Anton 00:19:40 I think racial appropriation is something that because I work with all different kinds you do. You have all different ladies. And I have had clients definitely tell me, like, at auditions, that, um, the casting directors or whomever the producers wanted them to act a certain way. And it was definitely, like, a racial appropriation. Like, one of my asian clients had a casting director tell her to act more like hello kitty, which is, oh, my god, you're faith right now. She talked about that. Um, she talked about that in interviews, and a lot of people were like, oh, my gosh, what does that even mean?

Brianne Davis 00:20:26 And I'm like, no idea what that means.

Anton 00:20:27 I know exactly what that means, because hello kitty is this Asian stereotype in a lot of ways. She doesn't have a mouth, because the reason for that is that she, quote unquote, speaks from the heart. But as far as I'm concerned, they just didn't want her to have a voice, and they just wanted her to be cute. And this cute little Asian perfect kitty cat is actually not a cat. She's a girl. So it's like, what does that even mean, though, for her? That's so bad.

Brianne Davis 00:20:57 That's the worst direction I've ever heard. And I've had some pretty bad direction.

Anton 00:21:02 It's so bad. You know what I mean? For an African American actress, can you say the line, like, a little bit more like a little bit more urban? Like, oh, so, uh, you want me to sound like you don't mean urban in, like, a fierce, swaggery way? Like, what you're saying is you want me to sound either more feisty. Feisty is not even a bad thing, but basically, maybe say it like you're less educated. Or say it like you're, uh, from the ghetto. That's what you're saying. Versus you could just say, like, oh, say it with a little bit more say it with some more flavor. Say it with some more sass. Like, give me the line with more ferocity. But no, you're telling me to act like I'm from the get. And they wouldn't say that to a white person. They're going to say that to a black actress or actor. The makeup chair is a fierce place. I'm going to tell you, and the things I have heard, it just blows my mind. But, uh, Hollywood has learned a lot over the last ten years, at least that I have been a witness of it. As far as there are certain things that you don't say because guess what? They are offensive.

Brianne Davis 00:22:13 Yeah. Um, what was the benefit of keeping the secret and what was the harm?

Anton 00:22:20 Okay, that's a good one. That's a good one. I think the benefit of keeping the secret allowed me to grow as a makeup artist and allowed me to really let that in, because I love it, I'm good at it. I'm not saying that to be vain. I'm saying that because it's no, I.

Brianne Davis 00:22:35 Already said you were great at it.

Anton 00:22:37 It's true. And I put the work in. Like, I've worked really hard. I mean, by the time we met, I had learned a few things, and I started at the Mat counter, and that was the best education I could have ever gotten, because the most amazing makeup artists were our trainers, and they were constantly teaching us how to, like, let me show you this winged liner. Let me show you this contouring technique we were always learning. So I've come a long way with my education and with my experience. So if I was not trying to if I was trying to do something else at the same time, especially a service that's involved with the business, it would have been really tricky. And I think that I would have lost a lot of credibility, probably, because.

Brianne Davis 00:23:17 There'S something about, uh, when you're not the actor and then you tell everybody you want to be an actor, there's this weird stigma comes up.

Anton 00:23:26 Uh, I've heard that, A, stay away.

Brianne Davis 00:23:28 From him because he's going to ask me for a job or ask, uh, a connection.

Anton 00:23:35 I'm sorry, I keep interrupting you, because I'm like, yeah, I've heard that so much on set where a PA or an assistant will randomly sneak that in there. Yeah, well, my real passion is acting. And I'm like, oh, gosh read the room now. It's not the time or the, uh, place at all. So I think that the benefit is that I've gotten to where I am, and I wouldn't change where I am for the world. And I have a long way to go as far as my growth as an artist, because I think it takes, like, uh, approximately 15 years to become an overnight success.

Brianne Davis 00:24:13 Approximately 20. I'm just a working actor over here.

Anton 00:24:18 It's hard, and the business is brutal and publicists, have personal relationships and actors and managers, and there's so many things working against you. It's not just like, oh, you did a great job, but, uh, they have other makeup artists that they like, too. It's like, well, maybe their agent doesn't like you, maybe their manager doesn't like you. Or maybe their agent is like, they're, uh, friends with a hair and makeup person that they want us. There's so many factors that work.

Brianne Davis 00:24:48 The thing, too, about acting, there's so many factors of you getting a job or not even getting a job. There's so many equations. But my last question for you, if somebody is listening to this and they have a dream or they have something they want to go for, but they don't know if it's right, or if they do know it's right, what would be your advice for them?

Anton 00:25:10 Um, I think that you have to really take some time to understand what it is that you really want, and that can be very difficult when you're young. Because for me, I was seeing, like, oh, maybe this is something that I want to do. Why can't I do this? And then I quickly realized that, okay, there's part of that because there is an on camera aspect, but it has nothing to do with being an actor. So I think it's important to really think about it, make a pros and cons list, do all of that kind of problem solving to really figure it out, what it is you want. And I, uh, think journaling, this sounds so silly, but I also think that it's really important, because when you start writing down reasons if you told me ten years ago okay, well, write me a little essay on why you want to be an actor, I wouldn't have been able to tell you because it wasn't really what I wanted.

Brianne Davis 00:26:13 Right.

Anton 00:26:14 You know what I mean? Yeah. I think it's just so tricky because in the business, there's, like, all these flashing lights and flashing yellows, like you don't really know what you're even doing half the time. But I think it's important, um, to not be discouraged if you feel like you're not represented. I think that's really, really important, because that's something that discouraged me initially. Like, well, I don't see myself in any of these people, so I can't do this. And that worked out to my advantage in the sense that it's not really what I wanted to do. But I could have felt that very same way about being myself on camera. And if I felt that way when I had the opportunity to do that first on camera project RuPaul's show, um, if I had still felt that way, I certainly did, certainly thought, well, are they going to hire me, or are they going to hire some hot white model to pretend to be a makeup artist? I mean, that legitimately went through my head. But when I auditioned and I got the part and auditioned such a dirty word for me, I'm like, I don't do this, I realized I'm like, well, there is a place for me. There is a place for me. I can take up some space and represent myself and not be ashamed of being Armenian or gay or any of these things. Like, I can go out there and be who I am and be authentic to who I am and not apologize for it. So if you feel like you're afraid to get out there and to make a dream happen because of the way you look, because the way you think other people will perceive you, don't.

Brianne Davis 00:27:53 Yeah, just do it. Just go for it.

Anton 00:27:55 Just do it. Because there's a place for everybody. There really is. And it's getting better. It's getting a lot better. And I think that that's something to remember. Don't be afraid to try.

Brianne Davis 00:28:08 Well, thank you for coming on and sharing your secret. I appreciate you.

Anton 00:28:13 It's just, like, really liberating and, like, weird and cool and so bizarre because this really is a secret.

Brianne Davis 00:28:21 I know. That's why I'm doing it. It's to liberate, it's to free, and it's to be your authentic self and to connect with another person.

Anton 00:28:29 I love it so much.

Brianne Davis 00:28:30 Well, thank you.

Anton 00:28:31 Thank you for having me, Brienne. And I really hope that I see you soon.

Brianne Davis 00:28:36 In the flesh.

Anton 00:28:37 In the flesh. Because I just can't deal. I miss you. We need some fierce glam moments to happen.

Brianne Davis 00:28:43 We do?

Anton 00:28:44 Yeah.

Brianne Davis 00:28:44 Well, if you want to be on the show, please email me at secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. Until next time, thanks again for listening to the show. Please subscribe rate share or send me a note@secretlifepodcast.com. And if you'd like to check out my book, head over to secretlifenovel.com or amazon, pick up a copy for yourself or someone you love. Thanks again. See you soon.

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Rachel: I’m a Love Addict and I Was Addicted to a Younger Man

Mon, 19 Dec 2022 08:00:00 +0000

Rachel shares her inspiring story of how she confronted her struggles with love and sex addiction. With the help of a love addiction specialist, Rachel was able to move from a place of deep lows to a place of hope and healing. Host Brianne Davis also discusses the importance of seeking help, and how powerful it can be to take ownership of one's own behavior and thoughts. This engaging and encouraging episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking support on their journey of healing.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

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To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

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SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

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Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

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Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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Transcript

[0:00:00] Rachel: I watched my life start to both elevate in really weird ways and then deteriorate into this like, deep bottomless pit of I can't do anything without this man in my life. And he was like a drug. Like could not get enough, like was addicted.

[0:00:28] Brianne Davis: Welcome to the Secret Life Podcast. Tell me your secret, I'll tell you mine. Sometimes you have to go through the darkness to reach the light. That's what I did. After twelve years of recovery in sex and love addiction, I finally found my soulmate myself. Please join me in my novel, secret Life of a Hollywood sex and love Addict. A four time bestseller on Amazon. It's a brutal, honest, raw, gnarly ride, but hilarious at the same time. Check it out now on Amazon. Welcome to Secret Live Podcast. I'm Brianne Davis Gantt. Today I'm pulling back the curtains of all kinds of human secrets. We'll hear about what people are hiding from themselves or others. You know those deep, dark secrets we probably want to go to our grave with are those lighter, funnier secrets that are just plain embarrassing. Really.

[0:01:28] Brianne Davis: The how, what, when, where, and why of it all. Today. My guest is Rachel. Now, Rachel, I have a question for you. Dun, dun dun. What is your secret?

[0:01:39] Rachel: Well, thank you for having me on. And my secret is that when I was in my late twenty s, I had an on and off scandalous relationship with an 18 year old gentleman. And it literally threw my life down the tubes and I almost tapped out on life as a result of it.

[0:02:05] Brianne Davis: Wow. Okay, let's go back. So what started this relationship?

[0:02:12] Rachel: So I had been in on and off long term relationships with different men and none of them seemed to pan out. And I was on my hot shit.

[0:02:24] Brianne Davis: Your shit down stink.

[0:02:26] Rachel: Yeah, I was like, you know what? Fuck a relationship. I'm going to just get some young tail and see what happens. And honestly, I'd never been with anybody younger, but this guy was catnip. He was like kryptonite at this catnip and kryptonite all wrapped up into one package. And I watched my life start to both elevate in really weird ways and then deteriorate into this deep bottomless pit of I can't do anything without this man in my life. And he was like a drug, could not get enough, was addicted.

[0:03:02] Brianne Davis: So can we talk about first how you said elevate? How did things elevate during that time?

[0:03:11] Rachel: This young man came from a really amazing family. And in my relationship with him, or pseudo relationship we'll call it, I got exposed to motherly love, I got exposed to fatherly love. I got exposed to family in a way that I'd never felt cared for and seen. And it was almost like the missing puzzle piece in my life. And so I felt powerful at times, but then the low was like unmanageable, crying in my bed, staring at my phone for 12 hours waiting for text messages, like, kind of crazy, terrible.

[0:03:48] Brianne Davis: So it was almost like was an obsession came over you about him. Did other people know about your relationship at the time?

[0:03:56] Rachel: They did, but they didn't know to what extent I was choosing to participate in to the point where I would call my friends religiously for support, but they'd be like, Just stop seeing that guy. And then the later it would get at night, I would end up on an app called Whisper and releasing my deepest darkest, like, please help me get this guy in my life. Who do I have to be in order to have him in my life forever? And it was terrifying. I was addicted, I was obsessed, I was compulsive. I was spending hours like an FBI investigator on social media. I look back on that part of my life and go, I just want to hug that girl.

[0:04:53] Brianne Davis: So did you stalk him? Was he an available young buck?

[0:05:05] Rachel: As available as an 18 year old can be. I mean, he still lived at home. Like, I supported him in moving out of his parents house. Maybe in ten years, he would have been relationship material, but he was a baby.

[0:05:30] Brianne Davis: A baby. But here's the thing. So your friends knew about the relationship. Did they know how young he was?

[0:05:37] Rachel: They did know, but they didn't see to the extent I was involved. They saw like, okay, well, Rachel's not around anymore, so she must be doing something else. And he and I shared an activity in the world together, so I was always doing, quote unquote, that activity. And what I was really doing was just, like, upending my life and turning myself into bending myself into whatever sort of gumby character I could be that I thought he would want me to be, which included not being anywhere near anybody I was friends with.

[0:06:16] Brianne Davis: So you really isolated yourself in this situation from people, so everything shut out and made it about this one person.

[0:06:28] Rachel: Yeah. And seemingly from the outside, everything seemed fine. I was successful. I had a six figure income, I had my own place. I had it all together. And, yeah, it was jarring, to say the least. When I hit that bottom of, like, I don't want to do life anymore because of this relationship with this person, it was like a two week on, two week off.

[0:06:57] Brianne Davis: So what was that bottom? Can you describe the moment where it just all came just rushing?

[0:07:04] Rachel: Yeah, it was five years ago and five years ago in June, and I had planned my birthday and the girl he had cheated on me with probably three or four times, he was pulling away again. And I uncovered in my social media findings that he had planned a beach day with her on my birthday, and my birthday was going to be at the beach. So after he had just professed his undying love for me, and we were going to be together, and he never wants to see anybody else. And it was just like, I'm canceling my birthday, I'm getting in the car and I'm leaving town, and I'm never coming back. Yeah, it was gnarly. It was very traumatic. It was like I was living in an emergency room, emotional emergency room, 24 hours a day. My adrenaline, my nervous system was just tapped.

[0:08:04] Brianne Davis: Wow. Did you get in that car and drive and go?

[0:08:08] Rachel: I did. I went to where I am from and really had a hard time explaining why I was there and made some excuse why I was there and just found myself driving around and figuring out which telephone pole is just going to run my car into.

[0:08:29] Brianne Davis: I have heard similar people say when they've been in that same situation, like they didn't want to kill themselves, they just didn't want to be around anymore. Is that how you felt?

[0:08:42] Rachel: Yeah, I would say that it just hurt so bad that I didn't want it to hurt anymore.

[0:08:49] Brianne Davis: Right.

[0:08:50] Rachel: And my best thinking was like, there's no way this feeling is ever going to go away unless I end it. And I had exposed myself so deeply to the community that he and I were both in. Just people just like, they looked at me and go, you're a grown woman. What are you doing?

[0:09:12] Brianne Davis: So I had all this judgment from other people because they saw it.

[0:09:17] Rachel: Yeah. There were moments where people would pull him aside and be like, hey, she's dangerous. Don't talk with her anymore. Really had his best interest at heart, but they didn't see the inner workings of what actually was happening. And I'm fully responsible for creating what I created with him, and we co created it together.

[0:09:46] Brianne Davis: I love what you just said because it seems like the blame got put on you, even though, you know, it was both you and him, but it seemed like, did it all come on you all the judgment came on you than him.

[0:10:00] Rachel: I'm sure it didn't. I mean, there's my truth, his truth, their truth, and then the truth.

[0:10:08] Brianne Davis: Did they say in God's truth because God sees it?

[0:10:12] Rachel: God's truth? There's that too.

[0:10:15] Brianne Davis: But.

[0:10:19] Rachel: I think over the last five years, looking at somebody's, like, if you're looking at somebody and you're like, oh, they totally hate me, they totally hate me, they're thinking the worst of me. And then you will go up and ask them, hey, what are you thinking about? I'm thinking about eating a sandwich.

[0:10:34] Brianne Davis: Yeah. It has nothing to do with you ever.

[0:10:37] Rachel: Don't actually give a shit. And if they do, it's because it triggers something inside of them. So I don't truly know, but I know that there were people that pulled them aside and said, like, hey, this isn't a good thing for you. You're young, you're free. Don't get wrapped up in some old ladies stuff.

[0:10:58] Brianne Davis: So here's my next question for you. How did you get out of it?

[0:11:03] Rachel: I reached for a lifeline. I called somebody who had always given a trace to me, talk to me straight and direct with me. And she said, you get to go to a twelve step meeting and you get to get your butt into a counselor and have a conversation about love addiction. Because this isn't you that's dealing this and creating this. This is a part of you that is sick and you get to get help. And boy, I couldn't pick up the phone quick enough that day. Where I found myself driving around telephone to hit myself into a telephone pole was the day I called her. And within an hour of that incident, I was on a phone, phone call, phone therapy session with a love addiction specialist. And she was like, yeah, you are not alone. This is to tee the description of love addiction. And there's hope.

[0:12:02] Brianne Davis: Here's my question for you. And a lot of people ask me this. I've already said I'm out ten years sober in sex and love addiction. And my question for you is do you think you can have a love addictive relationship with one person and then have a healthy one in another? Or are you always going to have love addicted qualities or traits?

[0:12:25] Rachel: Are you saying simultaneously, like, I can be love addicted to somebody else and then at the same time be in a healthy relationship with somebody or like segueing from one to the next, one to the next? Over the last five years, what I've uncovered is that I'm on the spectrum of sex and love addiction. So there are days where I feel anorexic emotionally, there's days where I feel avoidance, there's days where my intrigue button is really high. And for those of you that are listening, there's all different types of sex and love addiction. There's a range. It could even be codependence. Just straight up 101 codependence. I can fall under the umbrella of that. And in the work that I've done, it's when I choose to come from responsibility and ownership and I'm willing to go to the deepest cut of why I'm acting the way that I'm acting or showing up in the world, then I have the option to be in a healthy partnership. But it is only when I'm willing to do that work.

[0:13:27] Brianne Davis: I love how you say that because sometimes with love addiction it's so hard to explain that there are so many different aspects, there's so many different of that personality that can come out at one time. I can go anorexic, I can become obsessive, I can want to flirt an intrigue and it's like, I don't know each day what that character defect will flare up or that behavior will want to act out. So how you just said that, I hope it explained to the listeners that this can come in all forms. It's not just one way.

[0:14:01] Rachel: It's a daily reprieve. Right. One day at a time. I choose to show up as a sober woman that's connected to something greater than myself. And without that spiritual practice, that foundation that I choose into every morning, I'm liable to be right back in that car five years ago, finding the telephone pole or digging into my partner's phone records or something. Yeah.

[0:14:34] Brianne Davis: Because we only have control over ourselves. We don't have control over the person. Love addiction is you're addicted to a person. So they're human. They're going to have their flaws. My husband's going to trigger me sometimes, and I'm going to be like, See you. In other days. I'm going to be like, I love you, but that's okay. I have to do the inner work. So I stay connected and an authentic person.

[0:14:57] Rachel: Yeah. And it has nothing to do with them. If I'm getting triggered by something someone else is doing, it's a gift to me to look at what value or belief that is toxic is arising and doing the work to get in there and rewrite that. This human projected all of the magical qualities that I wanted and a dad and a best friend and a partner and a brother. I mean, he fit every single mold of who I would have wanted to be kept safe by. So I was constantly lefting after that safety from somebody else. And then envy strikes a chord with me growing up, triangulating with other women. So the envy of, I don't want her to have what I want, you can't have it, but I can. So triangulating with men, particularly this one, who would, if at all possible, find the next available woman in whatever room we're in to create that dynamic with.

[0:15:57] Brianne Davis: Wow. So you would walk into a room and that dynamic. Another woman would be, like, psychologically chosen, and you would play out that dynamic.

[0:16:07] Rachel: Almost every time I was in a space with him.

[0:16:11] Brianne Davis: Yeah. Can you name one incident that happened?

[0:16:14] Rachel: Yeah, this activity we were participating in. I walked in one day, and there was a woman in the space that walked by. The space.

[0:16:29] Brianne Davis: I just simply walked by, just walked.

[0:16:31] Rachel: By, walking her dog. And I saw him walk across the room, look out the window, and then within 24 hours, they were having lunch together. And by day three, I confronted him straight up, and he was like, yeah. What? There was no proof. I had no proof that anything had happened. But my gut was like, up. Here we go again. She fits the mold of what he's after, and we were off to the races. And it's not just jealousy for me. It's the idea of creating situations where I'll be abandoned.

[0:17:09] Brianne Davis: Right. That you'll always be like the less than one. Yeah. And I seem like I used to do that, to have a greater than less than with women in different ways. So when you're talking about it's like, oh, I always was either one up or one below a woman with somebody. You know what I mean? But that was your instinct, that you trusted your instinct. There was something inside of you, because lots of people just ignore that. Him looking out a window with a woman. Yeah, but you saw it and then you called it out, which I'm like, that never happens.

[0:17:45] Rachel: Well, I guess it never happens, but the fact that I was calling it out was so that I could be right about being rejected or abandoned. And it's funny because even even after that relationship ended and I really got into the work, I would talk about walking into a room and scanning for who's the prettiest person in the room versus am I the prettiest girl in the room? So that I could assert control and power to be safe. Like, there was a very young part of me that just wanted to be safe everywhere that I went. And what I realized is that it had nothing to do with him. It was just another opportunity to play out the story that I'm not safe.

[0:18:25] Brianne Davis: Oh, my God. That's like Mike drop information that no matter what it was, it was just you setting up that scenario in your head.

[0:18:35] Rachel: Yeah. So the good old cerny prayer that's the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can. And it's crazy and feel like a magician sometimes, but when I take ownership and I am in ownership of my own behaviors, thoughts, feelings, attitudes, sensations, inner dialogue, no shit, my reality changes.

[0:19:01] Brianne Davis: Yeah. It's really 100% when I let go of wanting to have control out of anything outside of myself and just have responsibility for myself. It's so free.

[0:19:15] Rachel: Yeah, it's amazing. I mean, there's been times where I've been in a relationship where I'm like, this person is an alcoholic. They are an alcoholic. I've taken their inventory, and when I took off the magnifying the magnifying glass and picked up the mirror, within a week or two, that person wasn't drinking anymore. They did not have a problem with alcohol. It wasn't even an issue. And it was like, when I really show up and stay on my side of the street, everything I want to.

[0:19:46] Brianne Davis: Manifest, manifest my gosh, I almost have chill bumps right now. I mean, I am having them a little bit. You should see my arm people.

[0:19:54] Rachel: You get it.

[0:19:56] Brianne Davis: But here's my next question. So having this secret relationship, secret like, pattern with this 18 year old guy, who do you think that benefited and who do you think it harmed?

[0:20:14] Rachel: There are so many benefits and so many harms. I would say the harms were subconscious on both of our parts, and the benefits were intentional. You know, like, he learned things from me about life that he never would have learned if he hadn't met me. And there are things I learned about life that I never would have learned if I'd never met him. And I would say that that relationship saved my life or gave me the opportunity to create my life. I often refer to that relationship as, like, I was living in black or white and was forced to go into or chose to go into an emergency room. And when I walked out of the emergency room into the real world again, all I could see was color. And it was like, Holy shit. How have I been missing the taste of things? How have I been missing the color of things? I can feel and hear sound in a way that I never have before because all of my focus was on black or white before. So I benefited massively from that relationship as detrimental and traumatizing and scary and uncomfortable and juicy for a lack of better work.

[0:21:33] Brianne Davis: But here's the thing, and I think this is for me, too. Sometimes the darkest situation and the darkest relationship has seen it for what it was and then moving out of it like you're saying and seeing color, that you actually step out of that horrible fantasy and into reality. And I think I used to think a relationship is what gave the world color, but that's not true. Do you know what I mean? I was so worried about losing that high of dramatic relationship, but really that's not living in truth. That's living in black and white is what you're saying.

[0:22:19] Rachel: Yeah. It's also another way I like to look at it is I no longer I have bumpers on my life. Now I know if I get too high, I hit a ceiling instead of going even further than I would have. And sometimes living within those bumpers or value systems or boundaries. Or boundaries, my favorite word guidelines for my life. There's a little part that's sad that knows what the experience of being high or extremely low feels like. And sometimes life doesn't offer that same level of it's like eating candy or having a meal. I choose to eat meals now instead of binging on candy or soda all day and looking back and going, dude, candy was fun, and going, yeah, okay, I saw what life was like that, and I got really sick.

[0:23:15] Brianne Davis: Yeah. Listen, I'm not saying there's not a little like, oh, that part of my life is over. And then you see somebody doing it, like a friend or somebody, and you're like, that was fun, but you know where that fun leads.

[0:23:30] Rachel: You know, we're good and fast.

[0:23:34] Brianne Davis: And you were hitting that telephone pole.

[0:23:37] Rachel: Yeah, I know that it leads to a hijacking experience, and I'm just not willing to put myself through that. But did it benefit me to go through that at such a young age? Yeah. I mean, I'm seeing people that are in their sometimes 70s who have never even acknowledged that they've been living decades this way. So for me, I feel grateful to have, I would say, course correct in my life. Choosing to get on a path of reality and ownership at an early age.

[0:24:11] Brianne Davis: I love that. Oh my God, you are dropping so many bombs today. For me, I just needed to hear them. But I do have one last question. If somebody is in a type of relationship that has a lot of drama, that's not stable, that they're not really happy with, but they're addicted to, what would be your advice to them?

[0:24:34] Rachel: First and foremost, I would say some people can exist in those relationships and it's fine. I couldn't. So the question I would ask is, like, is your life unmanageable? Is your emotional life unmanageable? Make a list of the things that you're powerless over in this relationship. And then I would have them write out what their vision is, what do they want in relationship? And I would have them hold those two lists together and say, like, are these two things matching up? Is it time to do something about it? And then every person I mean, twelve step isn't right for everybody. It's not fit for everybody.

[0:25:07] Brianne Davis: Yeah, I agree. It's not.

[0:25:09] Rachel: There's transformational tools, there's leadership tools, there's twelve step tools, there's therapy, there's holistic tools. There's all kinds of ways to move from dysfunction to thriving, from surviving to thriving. And the one thing I will say is if you are in a space of losing your mind, you're not alone. There's somebody probably on your block that's having the same exact experience for some different reason or maybe even the same one. So pick up the phone and call somebody and that secrets will keep you sick. The sooner you can let it go and let it out and find a safe space to do that. I'm sure Brian would be willing to be a safe space for anybody knowing that that's what she's up to here. Reach out.

[0:25:57] Brianne Davis: Reach out. And that is where we're going to end. So if you want to be on the show, please email me at secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. Until next time, thanks again for listening to the show. Please subscribe rate share or send me a note secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. And if you'd like to check out my book, head over to secretlifenovel.com or Amazon to pick up a copy for yourself or someone you love. Thanks again. See you soon.

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Josie: I’m Doing IVF Treatments, But Now I’m On The Fence About It

Mon, 12 Dec 2022 08:00:00 +0000

We explore the often overlooked and complex topic of longing for a baby. We discuss the struggles of couples who have been together for a long time and haven't been able to conceive, and identify the difficulties in expressing such a deep desire. We talk about the various options couples can explore to increase their chances of having a baby, as well as the importance of being honest with each other about your desires. Ultimately, this podcast serves to remind us that even when the odds don't seem to be in your favor, there is still hope.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse, or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

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To share your secret and be a guest on the show, email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

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Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

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This month's sponsor - OMGYes - Check out their site for more info: OMGYes

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Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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Transcript

Transcript

[0:00:00] Josie: I don't know if I'm just protecting myself because we've been together for so long and it's never happened and I feel like it's not going to happen. So I don't want to say out loud how much I want to have a baby, if that makes sense.

[0:00:20] Brianne Davis: Welcome to the Secret Life Podcast. Tell me your secret mine. Sometimes you have to go through the darkness to reach the light. That's what I did. After twelve years of recovery in sex and love addiction, I finally found my soulmate myself. Please join me in my novel, secret Life of a Hollywood sex and love Addict. A four time bestseller on Amazon. It's a brutal, honest, raw, gnarly ride, but hilarious at the same time. Check it out now on Amazon. Welcome to Secret Life Podcast. I'm brienne. Davis. Gantt. Today I'm pulling back the curtains of all kinds of human secrets. We'll hear about what people are hiding from themselves or others.

[0:01:12] Brianne Davis: You know, those deep, dark secrets you probably want to take to your grave. Or those lighter, funnier secrets that are just plain embarrassing. Really. The how, the what, the when, the where and the why of it all. Today. My guest is Josie. Now, Josie, I have a question for you. Dun, dun, dun... what is your secret?

[0:01:35] Josie: My secret is I have been going through IVF treatments and I'm kind of on the fence about if I actually want to do this or not.

[0:01:46] Brianne Davis: Really? How long have you been going through this?

[0:01:51] Josie: So my husband and I have been married for ten years and what's funny is when I first met him, like I was baby crazy. I wanted to have baby so bad. He's younger than I am, so he wasn't ready. And now in the last five years or so, things have kind of reversed and he's the one who's really baby crazy. I'm kind of over it. I don't know if I'm just protecting myself because we've been together for so long and it's never happened and I feel like it's not going to happen. So I don't want to say out loud how much I want to have a baby, if that makes sense. Or I don't know if it's just like now I'm in my feel like, who the hell wants to have a kid in their forty s? And I was thinking my kid is going to be six years older, maybe in my 50s. Like, oh my God, it sounds awful. Yeah.

[0:02:42] Brianne Davis: No, I get it. And I feel like the reason I wanted to have you on and I'm just saying it, we are friends and you haven't really disclosed this and I remember you talked about it a couple of times and I have a kid now and it's like I never wanted a kid. And you did when we were talking a long time ago. And how did that you've been going through this journey and how long have you been doing IVF and what's the process been like.

[0:03:14] Josie: So we started IBF and egg retrieval and all that about two and a half years ago.

[0:03:22] Brianne Davis: And it was like around the time we met.

[0:03:25] Josie: Yes. And I was kind of okay with doing it. My husband really wanted to have children, and I felt like, well, I think I'd be a good mom. I'm a great dog mom.

[0:03:40] Brianne Davis: Hey, that's important. Dogs prepare you for motherhood.

[0:03:45] Josie: It's so funny. I've heard that. And then when you tell that to people who have children, they're like, it's nothing like it.

[0:03:50] Brianne Davis: Well, it is nothing like it, but it prepares you to be responsible for another human being, but it's a whole other level, right?

[0:03:58] Josie: Yeah. And then you and I have talked about this when I first met you, and you weren't really crazy about having children, and look at you now. So I'm kind of wondering and I know I'm your guest, but I'm kind of wondering how's that with you having a child and you weren't baby crazy your whole life.

[0:04:15] Brianne Davis: Well, here's the thing, and that's why I wanted to talk to you about it. We both come from such different perspectives. I never wanted a child, and then finally when I decided to have a child, I'm older, too, and when he's ten, I'm going to be almost 50. And I'm exhausted. Girls. I'm exhausted. And we're old parents. So a part of me, when you're saying, I don't want to be 40 something or 50 when I have a six year old, I'm going ding, ding, ding. Yes, it's exhausting. But I also am really glad I did it because it's given me a bigger purpose in life. But then at the same time, girl, like, I brought a child into this crazy world that I have. It's just out of control. And I'm like, I can't believe I brought a child into this world.

[0:05:15] Josie: And that's the other thing. Like, would you really want to bring a child into this crazy world right now? Especially, it's not as if we would just accidentally get pregnant. It's kind of a plan thing. And I think when you start thinking, you just think too much about it. It's not the right time. What's it going to be like when you have to put so much thought into it? It's really scary because you're making that decision to, I just I'm going to do this, and you're putting a lot.

[0:05:43] Brianne Davis: Of money into it. I mean, how much is the IVF? Can you tell me that?

[0:05:47] Josie: So I'm in Canada, we're 20 grand in and they were able to get twelve eggs, and only a certain amount, like live, and then out of the seven that lived, only one is a good embryo for implantation. So it's also disappointing, right? I'm in my have twelve eggs. I'm like, holy crap, I'm amazing. I got twelve eggs as a woman.

[0:06:11] Brianne Davis: Because they tell you at what, 30, 35, that you're drying up pretty much yeah.

[0:06:18] Josie: You know what they said to me? They said to me, you would be a geriatric pregnancy. I almost died. I swear to God. I'm like, you guys need to come up with a better fucking name than geriatric pregnancy.

[0:06:31] Brianne Davis: That's just mean. That's actually abusive to a woman.

[0:06:35] Josie: I feel my gosh saying that in front of my younger husband. I was like, oh, my gosh, this is awful. So if there's a lot of emotions, there's a lot of disappointment. You get excited, you have all these eggs, and then a lot of them don't survive. And then when they do survive, when they put in the sperm, they don't actually survive. And so only one of them is good. So we have one shot. That's it.

[0:07:05] Brianne Davis: You're doing it again. Have you done?

[0:07:08] Josie: No, we're doing it in December, so it's coming up.

[0:07:12] Brianne Davis: So are you feeling right now, like, all this pressure?

[0:07:16] Josie: Yeah, honestly, like I was saying, I don't know if I'm just trying to talk myself out of getting excited because I only have this one shot. I'm like, I just kind of want to get it over with. I want to just know once and for all, I'm either going to have a kid or I'm not. This is it. This being in limbo is so exhausting, emotionally draining, because you don't know. And I think that if I was to know, I'll never be able to have kids, I could deal with it. But the not knowing if this is going to work or not is exhausting.

[0:07:46] Brianne Davis: Oh, it's completely exhausting. I feel you. And I kind of want to go back to when you were younger. And I know this is going to be a really weird question and you don't have to answer it, but were you always one of those females that was scared of getting pregnant or over? I remember when I first started having sex, I was like, I can't get pregnant. It was like doomsday.

[0:08:11] Josie: Not at all. All I ever wanted was to be a mom. I used to go on first dates with guys and I'd be like, I want to be a stay at home mom.

[0:08:23] Brianne Davis: When did you lose your virginity?

[0:08:27] Josie: I was 18, I think.

[0:08:29] Brianne Davis: Oh, girl, I started way earlier than you. I'm like, wow, I don't even want to say my age when I lost my virginity. Oh, my God.

[0:08:37] Josie: That'll be your secret that we have to get out of you.

[0:08:40] Brianne Davis: Well, it's all safe. It was 13, girl.

[0:08:43] Josie: Oh, my gosh.

[0:08:44] Brianne Davis: I know we are really young in the south. Sorry if you're Southern and you disagree with me, but I started very early, and when I finally decided to get pregnant and we got pregnant, I lost that child. The first child. I had a miscarriage when I was working on the show and I talked to you about it, and then this anger came up where I was like, this whole time I was trying to not get pregnant. And when I tried to finally get pregnant, it didn't really happen. So I was so angry at God. Do you feel that or no, I.

[0:09:23] Josie: Mean, I do feel that. When you're young, everyone is just like, don't have sex. You'll get pregnant, it's so easy. But in actuality, it's like there's two good days or something crazy like that.

[0:09:34] Brianne Davis: I think it's one, isn't it?

[0:09:36] Josie: Like one good day? Yeah, something like that. I'm just like, oh my God. I think it's good that they scare the hell out of you when you're a kid, but when you're actually trying and you find out there's only one or two good days, it's like, holy crap. It's really difficult. And as you get older, it's even more difficult. And then as you get older, you get used to the way that you lived your life. Not being selfish because I'm definitely not a selfish person.

[0:10:01] Brianne Davis: No, you're like the least selfish person I know.

[0:10:05] Josie: I mean, I put my dog first and I live for my dog and my family and so not in that way, but it's just you just get used to the way that you live and getting up and going to the gym if you want and just different. So it gets harder to give that up, I think.

[0:10:21] Brianne Davis: Yeah, because girl, you would be giving it all up. I'm telling you. Even going to the bathroom, you give up. I was like, oh my God, I finally have to go to the bathroom after 2 hours because I'm just dealing with feeding my son, getting his stuff ready. Because as a mom, we give up so much.

[0:10:41] Josie: And that's the thing. People say it's worth it, but is it really worth it? You can't say no because you have a child. And women will never say like, oh God, I wish I didn't have a kid.

[0:10:54] Brianne Davis: No, but I've had moments at night, especially during this period of time where I've been like, why did I have a child now? And why did I bring him into this crazy world and what was I thinking? But then when he turns and looks at you and smiles, it's like my heart is like melts. So it's this I hate and I love relationship all at the same time.

[0:11:19] Josie: Yeah, I get that.

[0:11:22] Brianne Davis: And lots of moms don't talk about that, but that's the truth.

[0:11:25] Josie: Lots of moms I think I see patients in a day and I see a lot of people and they're all women. And I've only one time had someone tell me that she wishes she wouldn't have had kids.

[0:11:38] Brianne Davis: And what did that feel for you, everything you've been going through?

[0:11:43] Josie: I mean, it was scary because I was thinking, what if I'm doing all of this and I'm going to feel like she does? Why did I go and screw up my life? That's just easy. My life is so easy, right? I get up when I want. Well, not really, because I go to work, but you don't have to get up, and you get up when your alarm goes off, not when a baby cries. You just kind of do your own thing. So I'm also scared, what if this works? And I'm like, oh shit, why did I do this?

[0:12:14] Brianne Davis: Because you might have that feeling, honestly. And you'll have days when you have that feeling and then days when you don't have that feeling.

[0:12:22] Josie: Right.

[0:12:23] Brianne Davis: Are you feeling all this pressure from society too? As a woman?

[0:12:27] Josie: Not so much, because I feel like a lot of women aren't having children or having children later in life. I do feel a lot of pressure from my husband who really wants to have kids, and I feel like I can't give him that and it's very difficult. I also think he's younger than I am. He could decide in ten years, well, you know what, I was okay with not having kids, but now I'm not anymore and just leave, which is that could happen, and who am I to take that away from him? If he really wants to have kids and I can't do that, then of course he should go out and get what he wants. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah.

[0:13:05] Brianne Davis: No, I understand.

[0:13:08] Josie: It's a lot of pressure, for sure.

[0:13:10] Brianne Davis: Have you guys discussed adopting? Maybe?

[0:13:16] Josie: I don't think it's something that I would want to do at this time anyway. Neither would he.

[0:13:23] Brianne Davis: Oh, so you have talked about it and it's just not something you're interested?

[0:13:28] Josie: Yeah, not right now. We decided if it's not going to work, we'll be dog parents for now. And he says I'm crazy if I think that in ten years from now is going to change his mind. But let's be honest, I mean, it can happen, right?

[0:13:43] Brianne Davis: Yeah, I mean, men can have children until they're 65 or something. At least like 75 on their deathbeds.

[0:13:50] Josie: Oh my gosh.

[0:13:51] Brianne Davis: I know. It seems so not fair they should be the one on birth control and stuff. They're the ones that can pregnant more people than us.

[0:14:01] Josie: So yeah, it's been a lot of pressure.

[0:14:04] Brianne Davis: So how long were you guys actually trying to have children until you hit the IVF journey?

[0:14:12] Josie: Well, we've never used birth control. I've never used birth control. We've never really tried to get pregnant when we were first dating or together, but we also didn't take the precautions and we never got pregnant. So realistically trying, I'd say about five or six years. And then we've been doing the IVF thing for the last couple of years, which by the way, was a nightmare of those hormones. Oh my gosh, yes.

[0:14:42] Brianne Davis: Take me through that process. So our listeners and if anybody else is going through it, they don't feel like they're the only ones. What is that process like?

[0:14:51] Josie: So you're injecting yourself every single day. Your hormones are all over the place. You're crying, you're happy, or just you're super bloated. It almost looks like you're pregnant, which is kind of freaky. I was getting really bad headaches, which was really bad.

[0:15:09] Brianne Davis: I was getting those during when I was pregnant, my headaches were terrible.

[0:15:14] Josie: And that's the thing. There's nothing you can do. There's nothing you can take. Right. So you're just suffering. It's awful.

[0:15:22] Brianne Davis: Oh, yeah. The first trimester, I was pregnant, I was nauseous. Twenty four seven. And I had a headache and I was working. Right.

[0:15:34] Josie: You're probably not telling anyone you're pregnant.

[0:15:36] Brianne Davis: No.

[0:15:37] Josie: Right.

[0:15:38] Brianne Davis: Especially if you've lost a child, you don't tell anyone. You're like exactly. And I almost went through that thing where you said, december is coming up, and you're going to try, and there's a part of you that doesn't want to get excited or talk about it or anything because you don't want to put that pressure on yourself.

[0:15:56] Josie: Exactly.

[0:15:57] Brianne Davis: When I got pregnant, again, that pressure of like, oh, my God, if this works out, what if it doesn't work out?

[0:16:05] Josie: Did your husband feel that, too? I wonder if that's more just us women who put that pressure on us.

[0:16:12] Brianne Davis: I'm not sure that's a good question to ask him. I think he was more worried about how I was feeling, that he didn't really think about how he was feeling. He's kind of like you. He's the nicer one in the relationship.

[0:16:28] Josie: He is great. Yeah, he's a great guy. But I wonder if it's pressure that we women put on ourselves or if they feel the same thing. If they feel, like, as much of a loss as we do, if they feel as much pressure as we do. I wonder.

[0:16:45] Brianne Davis: Well, I know for me, I felt like something was broken inside of me. God wasn't going to allow me to have that. And so something must be broken inside of me. Does that ever come up for you?

[0:17:02] Josie: I mean, I feel like less than a woman for not being able to give my husband a child. You hear some women who are like, oh, we got pregnant the first try. It's just so frustrating. And then as a woman, like, you want to give your husband a child. Right. You want to have a child with your husband. And if you can't do that, it's hard because you feel like there's something wrong with you.

[0:17:27] Brianne Davis: Yeah. Like you aren't doing what your body is made to do.

[0:17:32] Josie: Exactly.

[0:17:33] Brianne Davis: And I think it's a biological thing where we put it on ourselves that my body is supposed to do this, and it's not, and something's wrong with me.

[0:17:45] Josie: So, yeah, it's a lot of pressure. It actually feels nice to talk about it because no one at my work or friends knew that I was going through IVF. Even my mom, who I talk to every single day, I didn't tell her until after the egg retrieval that we were doing it just because I don't want anyone feeling sorry for us. I don't want anyone like, how's it go? Asking, and it doesn't work. And then you have to go into this whole story about how you did IVF, and it didn't work. It's just like so it's something that I was just going through by myself, really, with my husband.

[0:18:21] Brianne Davis: That has to be so hard. That has to be so hard because I know what the hormones do. And you're injecting yourselves with more hormones to, like, every morning. How many times a day did you have to do it?

[0:18:36] Josie: I'm trying to think. I think it was morning and night. Oh, my gosh, my stomach was so bruised. And then you run out of places where you can inject, and it's bruised, and you have to inject, and that bruise, and it's just oh, my gosh. But I did one round of it, and I don't know how women do this more than once. Maybe some react differently, but to put your body through that, and it's like a roller coaster ride. I feel for people who do a few of them. Right.

[0:19:08] Brianne Davis: Yeah, no, I have a friend that I think did it three times, and she said it was brutal. It was brutal to her body. It has to be.

[0:19:18] Josie: Did she finally have a baby?

[0:19:20] Brianne Davis: Yes, she's had two.

[0:19:22] Josie: Oh, wow. Yeah, that's good. Yes.

[0:19:26] Brianne Davis: And I have another friend that did it, and it worked. And it's just like it's such a crap shoot. It's not like you definitely do it and it works. It would be much easier if that was the case. Right.

[0:19:36] Josie: And it would be a lot easier to spend $20,000 if they were to say it's $20,000, but we will try as many times as it takes. But it's not it's $20,000, and it's a gamble, but it's something that he really wanted to do. I think if it would have been just up to me, I wouldn't have done the whole IVF thing. No, I think I would have just said, it's not in the cards, and that's that. But yeah. When did you even know if he knows this? I don't even know if he knows that. I wouldn't have done it because I.

[0:20:12] Brianne Davis: Didn'T even know that. Because you didn't even share that with me. So what made you decide, other than him? Like, you just stepped into the position.

[0:20:23] Josie: Or it was just for him. Wow. If it would have been just up to me, I never would have done it. I would have just said, it's not in the cards, and it is what it is, and let's move on. But for him, he wanted to try everything to try and get pregnant, and if that didn't work, then he would be okay with not having kids, but he's not okay with not trying everything to have a baby, if that makes sense.

[0:20:50] Brianne Davis: Yeah, that makes sense. But I want to ask you, because we talked about earlier. You would go on dates after you lost your virginity, 18, and you would say, I want to be a stay at home mom. When was that decision made that you are okay not having kids? Do you remember? Was there a moment?

[0:21:11] Josie: I don't think there was a specific moment. I think it just didn't happen. I didn't get pregnant. So now I started focusing more on work and other things and started I don't know if it's convincing myself that I don't want it. I don't know if it's just when you know that something is not going to work, you're just like, I didn't want it anyway. So I don't know if I'm just protecting myself by saying that, which is part of me thinks that's what it is. Because I'm telling you, all I ever wanted was to be a mom when I was growing up.

[0:21:47] Brianne Davis: That actually makes me very angry as a woman for you. I almost feel guilty, I have to say, because I never wanted to be a mom, right? I have a child and you've always wanted to be a mom, and you don't have a child. And I'm only saying this because I want to start crying, because it's like, why is that okay?

[0:22:18] Josie: Maybe it's just not meant to be. Maybe it's just not in the cards. Who knows? God has a plan, right? Who knows? Maybe it's just not meant to be. And I'm not going to be one of those women who's going to say, like, I'm going to do this IVF thing, like ten times, as many times as it takes to get what I want. I mean, if it's just not going to work, it's not going to work. I'm not going to put myself through it. Right? And then you move on. You got to focus on something else.

[0:22:45] Brianne Davis: Wow, you are so much more evolved than me. I would be angry at God because that's my thing, or I would be like, envious of the other women or friends that have children, only I'm just.

[0:23:00] Josie: Full of shit and pretending that I don't want it and that I don't care because I know that it's not going to happen. So I'm just like, fuck it, I didn't want it anyway.

[0:23:10] Brianne Davis: You're self protecting. You're like rejecting it before it rejects you. Exactly.

[0:23:15] Josie: I'm going to dump you first.

[0:23:17] Brianne Davis: Exactly. And you're at home, like, throwing darts at my face like you caught me.

[0:23:26] Josie: The secrets out.

[0:23:29] Brianne Davis: No, but I'm just saying I feel like that's so brave that you just said what you said. Maybe there is a small part inside of you that is self protecting and trying to reject it before you get rejected.

[0:23:44] Josie: I think that probably is it. Especially since all I ever wanted was to be a mom. What's changed? I don't know what's changed other than the fact that it didn't happen. So I'm probably just protecting myself. But I feel like the heartbreak will be not as severe if I'm saying this right, as opposed to, like, I really want it so bad and then it doesn't happen, then what?

[0:24:10] Brianne Davis: Do you think you can honestly protect yourself from that?

[0:24:14] Josie: I don't know. Probably not. I mean, we have one embryo, so it's like that's it one shot. It hardly ever happens in the first try. I don't think I know of any women that have gotten pregnant with the first five DF try, but I just honestly just want to get it over with, do it and move on.

[0:24:40] Brianne Davis: Okay.

[0:24:41] Josie: Because I feel like it's been looming.

[0:24:44] Brianne Davis: Yeah, no, it has. And it's like the whole process, like you said, you've been planning this process, and it's dragged out, and it's like, can we just do it already so I know what my future holds?

[0:24:55] Josie: Exactly.

[0:24:58] Brianne Davis: And I guess the thing we can do or you can do, I feel, is like, turn it over as best as you can, which it sounds like you are as best as you can.

[0:25:07] Josie: I mean, it's whatever meant to be is going to happen, so I don't think I have much control over it.

[0:25:13] Brianne Davis: Well, here's my question for you. How has it felt keeping this journey to yourself? And who do you think that has benefited? And who do you think it's harmed?

[0:25:27] Josie: It's probably benefited me because I don't have to talk about it and have people feel sorry for me. Who has it harmed? Maybe other women who are going through this. I think it's important to share stories because then we can help each other. But I also don't want the pity, and if it's not going to work, I don't want the questions of, oh, have you tried it? Did you do it? Did it not take? I just don't want to deal with it. So I think it's protecting myself, for sure.

[0:26:04] Brianne Davis: And if someone is listening right now and they're going through the same situation you are, what would be your advice for them?

[0:26:12] Josie: Probably have one person that you can talk to and turn to who can give you advice, whoever that person may be, other than your spouse. Because I don't feel like they really get it. They don't get the hormones. They're not women. Right. So they don't get the house.

[0:26:26] Brianne Davis: They don't get any of it.

[0:26:28] Josie: I have no clue. They have it so easy.

[0:26:32] Brianne Davis: I know. I told my husband that literally, I'm like, you didn't have to do anything.

[0:26:38] Josie: Nothing, really? They do nothing. It's brutal. It's so unfair. But I think I would just find one person who's your shoulder to cry on. Yeah.

[0:26:48] Brianne Davis: Because I have to tell you, being alone in any hardship makes it so isolating.

[0:26:54] Josie: I feel that's true. I've always been like that, though. Something's bothering me. I keep to myself, and I just kind of shut down. So that's probably not the best thing to do.

[0:27:09] Brianne Davis: But yeah, because when we hung out, I had no idea you were going through all that.

[0:27:17] Josie: I know.

[0:27:18] Brianne Davis: And you had a smile on your face. It's not like you were like, a little down and I was like, what's going on? Are you having a bad day? No clue. And I feel like as women, we should be able to, like, rip that mask off and say, this is what's happening. Don't ask me about it, or, I don't want your pity, but this shit sucks, right?

[0:27:43] Josie: Yeah. I mean, that could have been a better way to deal with it, for sure.

[0:27:48] Brianne Davis: Well, I am so grateful for your friendship. I'm so grateful you shared this story. I know how hard it was and the secret with me, and I'm just beyond grateful.

[0:27:59] Josie: Well, thank you. Thank you for having me. I'm going to go throw darts at your face now. No, but I think I actually never feel angry or hurt or anything like that when other women have children because I just think that's great and that was in the cards for them. Yeah. So I think you're a great mom and I'm so happy for you guys. Thank you.

[0:28:26] Brianne Davis: And you're a much better person. He is. He is really cute, but you are a much better person than me, girl.

[0:28:34] Josie: Well, I will take that. Thank you so much.

[0:28:37] Brianne Davis: And if you want to be on the show, please email me at secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. Until next time. Thanks again for listening to the show. Please subscribe rate, share or send me a note at secretlifepodcast@icloud.com And if you'd like to check out my book, head over to secretlifenovel.com or Amazon to pick up a copy for yourself or someone you love. Thanks again. See you soon.

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Madison & Lindsey: We’re Friends That Go To Sex Parties Together

Mon, 05 Dec 2022 08:00:00 +0000

Co-hosts of the popular Clit Talk and founders of Pleasure Positive Living, Madison, and Lindsey, share their sex-positive story about the world of sex parties, polyamory, non-monogamy, and intimacy.

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Madison & Lindsey

Get more info: https://www.pleasurepositiveliving.com | https://clittalkshow.com/instagram

Get a free guide: https://clittalkshow.com/guide

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

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To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

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SPONSOR - OMGYes - Check out their site for more info: OMGYes

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Alexis: I’ve Had an Affair With My Married Trainer and Other Dating Secrets

Mon, 28 Nov 2022 08:00:00 +0000

From lying about being in town for a long distant relationship, to a four month affair with her personal trainer, the journey to finding love is all too relatable.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

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SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

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Ryan: I Was Molested By an Older Kid and it Still Affects Me

Mon, 21 Nov 2022 08:00:00 +0000

It may have happened over 20 years ago, but the traumatic experience has affected Ryan in ways he couldn’t imagine; rage issues, depression, and issues with intimacy.

RAINN - Sexual Assault Hotline

Call 800.656.HOPE (4673) to be connected with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

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To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

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SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

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Mandy: I Do Not Like Children and I'm a Mom

Mon, 14 Nov 2022 13:00:00 +0000

Even though she always fantasized about childbirth and having a child, she's never been a fan of children, even though she now has one. Being a mom is a thankless job, but what if everything a child does triggers you?

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

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Angie: I'm a Suicide Attempt Survivor

Mon, 07 Nov 2022 13:00:00 +0000

Angie Hawkins had relocated from all her family and friends in Chicago and found herself in Hawaii, alone and in the middle of a pandemic.

*Trigger Warning: Please note that this episode contains topics of suicide and sexual abuse. Some people may find it disturbing.

National Suicide Prevention Hotline: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org or CALL 800-273-8255

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

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To share your secret and be a guest on the show, email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

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Angie Hawkins is a free-spirited IT Operations Manager who, in her quest to find her purpose, moved from Chicago to Hawaii on her own. Her memoir, Running in Slippers, is a raw and vulnerable rollercoaster story that reads like a train wreck that you can't look away from. It feels terrifying to allow our deepest, authentic selves to be seen, but that is why she is doing it: to break out of the masks and encourage connection through vulnerability.

Buy the Book on Amazon

Author site: https://www.runninginslippers.com/

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Nico: I Was in a 4 Year Affair With My Married Boss

Mon, 31 Oct 2022 12:00:00 +0000

Seduced by her powerful and charismatic boss, Nico found herself in a four year affair that got more and more adventurous as time went on.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

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SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

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Karen: I Was A Single Drunk Mom

Mon, 24 Oct 2022 12:00:00 +0000

On the outside, Karen was a high-bottom drunk. But on the inside, she was unable to outrun the disease. It got so bad that one of her therapists threatened to call child services on her.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

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To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

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SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

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Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

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HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

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Aaron: My Double life - I’m an Ultra-Orthodox Jew & Secretly Attend Sex Clubs

Mon, 17 Oct 2022 12:00:00 +0000

Aaron is a 20-year-old ultra-orthodox Jew in London who secretly explores his sexuality in underground sex clubs at night while going to seminary school by day.

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Ultra-Orthodox Judaism, also called Haredi Judaism, any of several groups within Orthodox Judaism that strictly observe Jewish religious law and separate themselves from Gentile society as well as from Jews who do not follow the religious law as strictly as they do. Ultra-Orthodox communities are found primarily in Israel, where they form about 13 percent of Israel’s population; North America, particularly in New York City; and western Europe. Described as “isolationist,” ultra-Orthodox neighborhoods are generally composed of only Haredi Jewish families. Such communities are highly family-oriented, with a high birth rate and a near absence of interfaith marriage, and they have their own synagogues and schools.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse, or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at https://secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show, email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com.

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon.

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Taylor: I Was molested by My Stepbrother & My Parents Didn't Believe Me

Mon, 10 Oct 2022 12:00:00 +0000

Taylor's story is all too common. Betrayed by a family member, and when they've finally told someone about it, their past is used against them. 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 6 boys are victims of sexual abuse. These staggering numbers and the stories we hear all the time are crushing. If this has happened to you, you are not alone. Get help, and share your experiences; this is not your fault.

RAINN - Sexual Assault Hotline

Call 800.656.HOPE (4673) to be connected with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area.

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel and on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
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Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Joe Pt. 3: From a 36-Year-Old Virgin to Sex Surrogacy to Discovering I’m Pansexual

Mon, 03 Oct 2022 12:00:00 +0000

Returning for a third time, as the title suggests, Joe has been on quite a journey of self-discovery. He shares his story with us today with an open heart and great passion.

Check out Joe's previous episodes:

Episode #91 --Joe Pt. 1: I Was a 36-Year-Old Virgin & Then I Got a Sex Surrogate

Episode #102 -- Joe Pt. 2: From Sex Surrogate to Tantra Sex

Pansexuality is sexual, romantic, or emotional attraction towards people regardless of their sex or gender identity. Pansexual people may refer to themselves as gender-blind, asserting that gender and sex are not determining factors in their romantic or sexual attraction to others.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel and on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Veronica: I Was Sexually Assaulted but I Still Question Whether or Not it Was Sexual Assault

Mon, 26 Sep 2022 12:00:00 +0000

We're all familiar with "No means, no," and "Yes, means, yes," yet it's not always so black and white in real-life situations. The term "sexual assault" means any nonconsensual sexual act proscribed by Federal, tribal, or State law, including when the victim lacks capacity to consent.

Consent is an agreement between participants to engage in sexual activity. When you’re engaging in sexual activity, consent is about communication—and it should happen every time. The laws about consent vary by state and situation, but you don’t have to be a legal expert to understand how consent plays out in real life.

RAINN - Sexual Assault Hotline

Call 800.656.HOPE (4673) to be connected with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area.

How does it work? When you call 800.656.HOPE (4673), you’ll be routed to a local RAINN affiliate organization based on the first six digits of your phone number. Cell phone callers have the option to enter the ZIP code of their current location to more accurately locate the nearest sexual assault service provider.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
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Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Diane: I'm Married and Have Had Emotional Affairs

Mon, 19 Sep 2022 12:00:00 +0000

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Crystal: I Am An Incest Survivor

Mon, 12 Sep 2022 12:00:00 +0000

Crystal was born and raised in Puerto Rico. When she was just 14, she got pregnant. Her very religious mother called their priest, and she was married to her 16-year-old boyfriend and the father of her child. The marriage didn't last; at 16, she asked to move to the states with her biological father. For years, he groomed her to be his wife and the mother of his child. And by the time she was 19, he took things too far.

Trigger warning - topics include incest and sexual abuse; listener discretion is advised.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
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Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Mark: Stop Body Shaming, I Like When My Man Gains Weight

Mon, 05 Sep 2022 12:00:00 +0000

It’s not a fetish. Not there’s anything wrong with fetishes. It’s just that Mark has always loved to be with men who weren’t “fit” or had the “great body,” instead, he appreciated a man with a bit of weight on them. It sounds like a good deal for someone who doesn’t follow the diet fads to stay in shape or lose weight, but what if the partner isn’t comfortable with the extra weight, then what?

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Sarah Lebel: I Was Drugged at an LA Party & Sex Trafficked

Mon, 29 Aug 2022 12:00:00 +0000

Most women think it will never happen to them, yet the scary stats are out there; sex trafficking is a genuine and dangerous reality for a beautiful young woman anywhere, especially in Los Angeles. Sarah never even thought that could happen to her, but when she came to, drugged and bruised with no way to escape, the reality came crashing down. In this harrowing story, convincing her family was much more challenging than she thought it would be.

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1 (888) 373-7888

National Human Trafficking Hotline

SMS: 233733 (Text "HELP" or "INFO")

Hours: 24 hours, 7 days a week

Languages: English, Spanish and 200 more languages

Website: http://humantraffickinghotline.org

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE:

_____

Sarah Lebel

Sarah Lebel is a survivor and advocate in the fight against human trafficking. As a result of her personal experiences, she founded the non-profit But What Is Next, which supports trauma survivors in creating a fulfilling and stable life by connecting them with resources to carve out their career path, and the financial support to make it happen.

Every person has the ability to do amazing things in life. Sarah and the team at But What Is Next stand for everyone to have an equal playing field with education and career coaching opportunities. No survivor should ever get left behind.

Instagram: @but.what.is.next

Website: butwhatisnext.com

Email - sarah@butwhatisnext.com

_____

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Erin Tennant: I Lost 130 Pounds By Working On Why I Ate, Not From a Diet

Mon, 22 Aug 2022 12:00:00 +0000

From an early age, Erin never received the tools to deal with her emotions, so she used food to do that. Raised in a culture that celebrated food but shamed her for being overweight at eight years old, she constantly worked on food restrictions and diets while her weight continually went up and down. She recently lost 130 pounds, but not by dieting by working on the issues that caused her to eat from the start.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

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OUR GUEST: ERIN TENNA

I am the owner of Grow Well Coaching. I am a mindset coach for improved wellness. My clients are looking to lose weight, change the way they look & feel, decrease food & exercise drama, trust their decisions, and improve their physical and mental health without following a traditional diet. I help my clients achieve their desired results by changing their current relationship with food, their bodies and themselves using a combination of strategy, thought work and coaching.

I used thought work and self coaching to develop a non dieting strategy to lose and maintain over 130lbs. I teach & coach my clients how to use and create their own The Conscious Living Method to improve their wellness. I work with them to set goals, create, execute and evaluate the plan, problem solve and make decisions to grow well and live better.

Website- www.thegrowwellcoach.com

Instagram-@growwellcoaching

Facebook-@growwellcoaching

LinkedIn-https://www.linkedin.com/in/erin-tennant-b77626245/

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Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

________

Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
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Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Hannah: I Attempted Suicide at Seventeen, Just 2 Years After My Mom's Suicide

Mon, 15 Aug 2022 12:00:00 +0000

Hannah’s mom struggled with depression and drug addiction. The two were completely enmeshed; they were more like best friends than mother and daughter. Because of that, Hannah had very little supervision or rules. It wasn’t long after Hannah’s mother was sent to jail for having an affair with Hannah’s 17-year-old boyfriend that she took her life. At the funeral, Hannah met her father for the first time. The following two years were the darkest she’d ever experienced.

*Trigger Warning: Please note that this episode contains topics of suicide and sexual abuse. Some people may find it disturbing.

National Suicide Prevention Hotline: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org or CALL 800-273-8255

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S topics include addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness.

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Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Roy: I’m an Attorney But I Secretly Read Tarot Cards

Mon, 08 Aug 2022 12:00:00 +0000

Roy was raised by a conservative religious family and has kept this secret from them for over two decades. What have you been afraid to tell your parents?

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

______

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
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Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Ashley: I'm an Alcoholic and Went to Jail

Mon, 01 Aug 2022 12:00:00 +0000

As a child, Ashley saw how alcoholism affected her uncle and father, who got sober when she was two. But she heard the stories and swore she’d never be an alcoholic. Many of us have similar thoughts when we’re young, but the disease is still in us, and even though she started later in life, it was as if she had always been drinking. Within just two years, Ashley was a heavy drinker, getting DUIs, getting arrested, losing jobs, and ending up in jail for four months.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

______

Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT

Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Melody: My Father is a Convicted Pedophile

Mon, 25 Jul 2022 12:00:00 +0000

Trigger Warning - This episode contains discussions about child abuse; listener discretion is advised. When Melody was 16, she found out her father, a respected teacher in the community, had molested a friend of hers. It wouldn't be until 2012 that he was finally arrested and convicted of sexual assault on a minor.

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse, or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at https://secretlifepodcast.com

______

And check out his helpful list of Male Sex Abuse Survivor Websites:

https://mentalpod.com/archives/4329

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To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE addiction, recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness.

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Melody Ann is fascinated by stories. She has been telling stories all her life, most of them true! She knows the power of a story well told to change the lives of the people who hear it.

Melody Ann is the founder of Author Nation, where she helps people turn their ideas into published books. She offers support, resources, and inspiration to aspirational and ambitious professionals looking to add authorship to their list of accomplishments.

Links:

Author Nation Community: http://authornation.community

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/authornation

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/authornationtube/

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Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle

_____

Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy it on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Zachary: I Wore a Mask to Protect Myself

Mon, 18 Jul 2022 12:00:00 +0000

After losing his mother at a young age, Zachary was forced to live with his rage-filled father and his home life became a secret.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

Zachary is a writer, a coach, and a heart-centered entrepreneur who loves helping others. His writing focuses on his experiences around holistic health, inner child work, addiction, recovery, spirituality, and fatherhood. His coaching is devoted to helping people experience deep fulfillment in relationships, career, and life. You can connect with him at zacharygoodson.com.

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______

Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Mamina: I Was Born Into the Moonies Cult

Mon, 11 Jul 2022 12:00:00 +0000

Mamina’s idealistic parents were drawn to Korean religious leader Sun Myung Moon’s Moonies. Her parents were part of a 2000-person arranged marriage ceremony and she spent two years at a performing artists boarding school in Seoul Korea. Fearing for his life, Mamina’s father after reporting back that Reverend Moon’s daughter was cheating on her husband.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

______

Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Samantha: I Don't Regret Cheating On My Partner

Mon, 04 Jul 2022 12:00:00 +0000

The first three years of Samantha's relationship with her boyfriend were great; they had sex all the time, and they were in love, it was a great relationship. But the last three years became stagnant and they were becoming just roommates. Top that all off with her dissatisfaction with her life, a bout of depression, and a trip to Las Vegas, anything was possible.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

______

Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy it on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Liz Sandoz: After the Eating Disorder, I Turned to Cigarettes, and Then To Sex

Mon, 27 Jun 2022 12:00:00 +0000

When Elizabeth Joy (Liz Sandoz) began her recovery from an eating disorder, she found herself at first using cigarettes as a way to deal with the compulsion, but soon found herself using sex in the same way.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

______

Elizabeth Joy (Liz Sandoz) is a podcast host of Miraculous Mamas Podcast, a baby doula, and a former contestant on Season 21 of The Bachelor.

Miraculous Mamas Podcast - In this original, unfiltered, true to life podcast, Liz Sandoz gets real with industry experts, celebrities and moms, discussing in-depth topics like motherhood, pregnancy, childbirth, and many other pressing women's issues. It’s time women opened up about these topics, so nothing is held back. If you’re looking for a safe and honest place without judgment, join Liz and the many celebrity guests and experts on the show, as they laugh, cry, and hot flush about every female topic from pregnancy, sex, to postpartum depression.

Instagram: @miraculousmamas @lizsandoz

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ABORTION RESOURCES

Podcasters, feel free to include these Please find a collection of abortion links and resources.

https://abortion.cafe/ - this is a collection of abortion resources
shoutyourabortion.com - this is a campaign to normalize abortion
https://donations4abortion.com/ - donate to support abortion funds by state
https://secure.actblue.com/donate/supportabortionfunds - donate to the national network of abortion funds (donations split between 80+ abortion funds)
https://usow.org/repro/volunteer/ - this is a list of abortion clinics across the country that need volunteers
https://dontbanequality.com/ - this is language for companies to use to stand against the ruling
plancpills.org/ambassadors - here are early abortion access pills you can store in your cabinet
https://prochoice.org/ - this is an abortion access hotline
https://natalist.com/products/early-pregnancy-test-strips - buy early pregnancy test strips
https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control - get info on types of birth control
https://choice.crd.co/ - this is a collection of these above links and more. Managed by @starplanes - DM them on twitter to add more
https://www.guttmacher.org/state-policy/explore/abortion-policy-absence-roe - abortion policy by state as of June 1, 2022
More in-depth version: https://www.guttmacher.org/state-policy

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______

Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Lupe: As a Gay Man I Had Internalized Homophobia Until I Was 59

Mon, 20 Jun 2022 12:00:00 +0000

Lupe’s family immigrated from Mexico to Washington State in the early 50s. He battled internal homophobia because the way his culture regarded being a macho man and the negative connotation connected to being gay. He also struggled with his dark skin and the desire to find an older white man like he saw on television, as his partner and to fulfill his daddy issues.

This episode is jam-packed with old beliefs that Lupe stripped away while he discovered more about himself and his behaviors in SLAA (Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous).

Topics in this episode include Internalized Homophobia, gay pride, sex addiction, love addiction, shame, and self-love.

For more information about Sex & Love Addiction Anonymous: https://www.slaafws.org

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

______

Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Chelsea: I Am a Survivor of Sex Trafficking

Mon, 13 Jun 2022 12:00:00 +0000

Targeted, manipulated, and love-bombed by her boyfriend, Chelsea was groomed into prostitution at one of the lowest points in her life. Losing the only person that cared for her was unfathomable, and she found herself trapped as a prostitute for over five years. Fortunately, she escaped, found recovery, and shares her story to help raise awareness. Her story is heartbreaking and very similar to the countless victims of sex trafficking worldwide.

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911.

If you or anyone you know who might be a victim of sex trafficking, call the National Human Trafficking Hotline toll-free hotline at 1-888-373-7888

Text the National Human Trafficking Hotline at 233733. Message and data rates may apply.

Chat the National Human Trafficking Hotline via www.humantraffickinghotline.org/chat.

____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Dave Manheim: I Relapsed on Heroin While My Partner Was Pregnant

Mon, 06 Jun 2022 12:00:00 +0000

Dopey Podcast host, Dave Manheim, shares his journey to kick heroin and pot and finally get sober for himself. It wasn't enough to do it for the beautiful woman he was in love with or the daughter about to be born, it would take five years of darkness before he found recovery.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse, or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show, email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

TOPICS IN THIS EPISODE INCLUDE heroin, alcohol and drug addiction, love and sex addiction, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, self-love, and courage.

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Dave Manheim is the host of the wildly popular DOPEY PODCAST, the podcast about drugs, addiction, and dumb sh*t.

______

Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT. Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon.

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Julie Paulston: I've Had Two Abortions & Gave Up My Oldest For Adoption

Mon, 30 May 2022 12:00:00 +0000

Whether you're in the Pro-Choice or the Pro-Life camp, we at Secret Life believe that everyone has the right to their own beliefs, but no one has the right to tell a woman what she can or can not do with her body.

Julie shares her honest and vulnerable story about her abortions, giving up her oldest son for adoption, and releasing the shame and guilt about those choices. On the road from addiction to recovery, we confront our past and take responsibility for our actions; Julie shares her journey and the freedom it's given her.

*Trigger Warning: Please note that this episode contains topics of suicide, trauma, and abortion. Some people may find it disturbing.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse, or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show, email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

TOPICS IN THIS EPISODE INCLUDE abortion, rape, adoption, suicide, pro-choice, pro-life, alcohol and drug addiction, love and sex addiction, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, self-love, and courage.

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Julie Paulston — My mission is to empower women across the globe to rise from the ashes of their lives to reclaim their Inner Divine Phoenix and rise to embody the life of their dreams.

Podcast: Be The Phoenix of Your Own Life [IG @DivinePhoenixRising]

Instagram: @gr8ful4life

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Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT. Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon.

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Joe Pt. 2: From Sex Surrogate to Tantra Sex

Mon, 23 May 2022 07:00:00 +0000

Since recording the first episode (Ep #91), Joe stopped working with his sex surrogate, began dating, and joined a Tantra sex group. He's been developing a deeper level of intimacy with himself by being vulnerable with others and feeling an incredible sense of unconditional love for everyone on the planet.

This episode is not only eye-opening, but a true testament, that change is possible and self-love is at the heart of it all.

This is a follow-up episode to Ep #91 Joe: I Was a 36-Year-Old Virgin & Then I Got a Sex Surrogate.

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Suggested books:

Ecstatic Sex: a guide to the pleasures of Tantra by Ma Ananda Sarita

Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-first Century by Barbara Carrellas

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From Ep #91

What surrogacy is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CIc70zBY3SY

Surrogate partner website: https://www.surrogatetherapy.org/

UPDATED: Here's an anonymous article Joe wrote about his experience. There are more juicy details as well:

https://www.thedoe.com/narratives/my-surrogate-partnership-experience

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

TOPICS IN THIS EPISODE INCLUDE tantra, tantra sex, virgin, sex surrogate, surrogate partners, porn addiction, addiction, love and sex addiction, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, behaviors, self-care, self-love, and courage.

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Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Morgan: I Was a Therapist and Got Fired For Sleeping With My Client

Mon, 16 May 2022 12:00:00 +0000

Blinded by what she thought was love (she later discovered it was her Sex & Love Addiction), Morgan fell for a patient, broke the code of conduct, and ultimately lost her job when he threatened to sue the company.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

Secret Life podcast's topics include addiction, recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness.

_____

Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Brianne & Mark: I’m Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde When I’m on My Period and Mark Can’t Fix It

Mon, 09 May 2022 12:00:00 +0000

Brianne has struggled with debilitating physical pain and cramps so bad she's laid up in bed three days a month since she was 13 and cannot function normally, accompanied by intense mood swings that often lead to incredibly dark thoughts.

During this time of the month, Mark, a recovering co-dependent (Al-Anon), does his best to try and make things better, only to fail time and time again. In the episode, he reveals secrets about how he ties his self-worth to being Brianne's (and his mom's as a kid) knight in shining armor, providing for her in hopes of being loved. A recipe for disaster most of the time.

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Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) is a severe, sometimes disabling extension of premenstrual syndrome (PMS). Although PMS and PMDD both have physical and emotional symptoms, PMDD causes extreme mood shifts that can disrupt daily life and damage relationships.

What are the symptoms of PMDD?

• Anger or irritability.

• Anxiety and panic attacks.

• Depression and suicidal thoughts.

• Difficulty concentrating.

• Fatigue and low energy.

• Food cravings or binge eating.

• Headaches.

• Insomnia.

Virtually every woman knows when her period is coming. The bloating, the breast tenderness, the "munchies," and mood swings are known and typically endured because the symptoms are relatively mild for most women. For approximately 5% of women, though, this time is true agony.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Nicholas: I'm 34 and My Mom Still Kisses Me on the Lips

Mon, 02 May 2022 12:00:00 +0000

When should parents stop kissing their kids on the lips? A quick Google search shows there are people on both sides of the aisle. It wasn't what society said for Nicholas but how it made him feel when his mother still kissed him on the mouth as an adult.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

______

Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Liz: I'm Secretly A Pack A Day Smoker

Mon, 25 Apr 2022 12:00:00 +0000

Liz has been keeping her cigarette smoking a secret from friends, family, and co-workers for decades. Throughout the episode, Liz shares how the smoking (and the hiding of it) keep her unavailable in every area of her life, especially intimate relationships.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

______

Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Courtney: I'm Still Seeking My Dead Mother's Approval

Mon, 18 Apr 2022 12:00:00 +0000

Growing up, Courtney's mother was often working two to three jobs and had to focus on her sister, who often acted out. So Courtney did her best to stay out of the way and not be a problem. The only problem was that they assumed she was fine and didn't receive the love and validation she truly needed.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

______

Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Bianca: I Have Genital Herpes & So Do 491 Million Other People

Mon, 11 Apr 2022 12:00:00 +0000

There's so much stigma around herpes that it's not surprising that Bianca didn't want to share that information with her partners. What is shocking is the number of people that ACTUALLY have herpes—An estimated 491 million people aged 15–49 (13%) worldwide have HSV-2 infection (HSV-2 is a sexually transmitted infection that causes genital herpes.)

Like Brianne and Mark, Bianca has created multiple platforms to help others break barriers and bust through stigmas! In this episode, she courageously shares her story, reminding us that our secrets only hurt us if we keep them as secrets.

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Where can I get more information about Herpes?

Division of STD Prevention (DSTDP)

CDC National Prevention Information Network (NPIN)

American Sexual Health Association (ASHA)

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness.

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BIANCA KESHA HUGHES

Bianca Kesha Hughes is setting boundaries and breaking barriers. She knows how to navigate life and discover true identity while trusting in God. Known for authenticity and heart-work services, Bianca is the ultimate trailblazer in the mental health and wellness field as a therapist, coach, speaker, and podcast host, inspiring her audience to let go of the illusion of perfectionism.

She is deeply connected to her cultural values, and Caribbean heritage, and her foundation of faith is a source of light for everyone around her. A courageous and determined woman, she moved to America from London in her 20's to follow her dreams.

Bianca experiences her fair share of trials and pain but she heals through vulnerability and connecting to her authentic self. For this reason, she is passionate about breaking down the walls of perfectionism, encouraging her audience to connect to their authentic self while creating a safer place for them to be seen and heard.

Bianca created Authentically Be You Counseling & Wellness Studio, to help women dig deeper to uncover their greatest fears and tap into the inner turmoil rooted around perfectionism. Bianca continues to help women connect to their inner selves through self-awareness and vulnerability to essentially embrace their imperfections and authentically be themselves.

Her podcast, "It Didn't Break Me," creates a space for honest and vulnerable conversations. Her guests share their transformational life stories around the messy stuff they didn't think they'd come back from yet they are still here. "It Didn't Break Me" podcast is a platform for people who are struggling with mindset shifts around perfectionism and being their authentic self, inspiring them to discover the beauty in the mess.

First Herpes Interview: https://www.authenticwednesdaypodcast.com/episode/35-confidently-living-with-genital-herpes

New Podcast: www.itdidntbreakme.com

Instagram: Bianca~Perfectionism Therapist

Website: www.authenticallybeyou.com

______

Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Chris: I’m Ashamed of Being Asian & Can’t Break Up With My Tiger Mom

Mon, 04 Apr 2022 12:00:00 +0000

Chris was born in China but grew up in the states in a primarily white community and was encouraged to be American and leave his Chinese culture behind. The only real exception was his Tiger Mom’s continuous control over him and his future.

_____

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

______

Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Kat: I Used Men on Social Media—I Sent Nudes, Videos & Had Sex for Money

Mon, 28 Mar 2022 12:00:00 +0000

Searching for attention and a means to support her daughter as a single mother, Kat put herself in situations that were not only dangerous, they prolonged and fed her alcohol and drug addiction.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

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Paul Gilmartin: I've Struggled with a Video Game Addiction

Mon, 21 Mar 2022 12:00:00 +0000

Is Video Game Addiction Real? It’s great to do things you enjoy. But can you go too far with a hobby? And at what point does it become an addiction? That’s the question experts are trying to answer about playing video games.

Signs to Watch For

The DSM-5 does include a section to help people and doctors know the warning signs of problem video gaming. These problems can happen whether you play online or offline.

Thinking about gaming all or a lot of the time
Feeling bad when you can’t play
Needing to spend more and more time playing to feel good
Not being able to quit or even play less
Not wanting to do other things that you used to like
Having problems at work, school, or home because of your gaming
Playing despite these problems
Lying to people close to you about how much time you spend playing
Using gaming to ease bad moods and feelings

From WebMD

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

Comedian Paul Gilmartin hosts a weekly, hour-long audio podcast, The Mental Illness Happy Hour, consisting of interviews with artists, friends, and the occasional doctor.

Podcast: The Mental Illness Happy Hour Podcast | Website | Instagram | Twitter

Check it out wherever you podcast Apple | Google | Amazon | Instagram

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Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

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Dee: House of Secrets—BDSM, an Unknown Sibling & a Trans Dad

Mon, 14 Mar 2022 12:00:00 +0000

Dee’s parents were victims of generational trauma and abuse that shut them off emotionally and held them back from living their truth. Dee’s is a story of forgiveness, her willingness to allow her son to be who he is, and the sadness for her father, who never allowed himself that freedom.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

TOPICS IN THIS EPISODE INCLUDE trauma, relationships, transgender, LGBTQ, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, behaviors, self-care, self-love, courage, freedom, and happiness.

_____

Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

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Joe Pt. 1: I Was a 36-Year-Old Virgin & Then I Got a Sex Surrogate

Mon, 07 Mar 2022 13:00:00 +0000

The more Joe looked at porn and the more deeply he got into those fantasies, the fantasy of porn became his reality, and the reality of having sex with another person became fantasy. There is so much to unpack in this episode. You’ll hear how through therapy, Joe discovered the hidden reasons for his sexual anorexia and how he overcame those fears and found himself with a sex surrogate.

Surrogate Partner Therapy is a form of therapy based on the successful methods of Masters and Johnson. In this therapy, a client, a therapist, and a surrogate partner form a three-person therapeutic team who together work to understand and resolve difficulties that a client is experiencing in their lives. The surrogate participates with the client in structured and unstructured experiences that are designed to build client self-awareness and skills in the areas of physical and emotional intimacy. These therapeutic experiences include partner work in relaxation, effective communication, sensual and sexual touching, and social skills training.

What surrogacy is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CIc70zBY3SY

Surrogate partner website: https://www.surrogatetherapy.org/

UPDATED: Here's an anonymous article Joe wrote about his experience. There are more juicy details as well:

https://www.thedoe.com/narratives/my-surrogate-partnership-experience

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

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Susan: I Married a Narcissistic Sociopath

Mon, 28 Feb 2022 13:00:00 +0000

While still deep in her addiction, Susan married a sociopath and was trauma bonded with him for the first four years of her sober journey; he continued to drink daily while she focused on staying sober even through the abuse. Once she finally found the strength to walk away, her husband continued to stalk and harass her up until the day he decided to end his life. She shares her story today to help others that may be trapped in an abusive relationship or suffer from alcoholism. Her's is a message of hope! Susan is a Southern California native with two grown daughters and is a recovering alcoholic that has been sober for 10 years.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

TOPICS IN THIS EPISODE INCLUDE gaslighting, narcissism, sociopath, love bombing, love, unrequited love, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, behaviors, self-care, self-love, courage, freedom, and happiness.

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PODCAST SHOUT-OUT

For the Knockin' Doorz Down podcast available wherever you get podcasts https://linktr.ee/knockindoorzdown

____________

Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
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Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Jeff Newman: FEAR—False Evidence Appearing Real

Mon, 21 Feb 2022 13:00:00 +0000

Another acronym for FEAR... F*ck Everything And Run. I think we can all relate to Jeff's story about his youth, unrequited love, anger, forgiveness, and transformation.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse, depression or just feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

TOPICS IN THIS EPISODE INCLUDE fear, recovery, anger issues, rage, love, unrequited love, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, behaviors, self-care, self-love, courage, freedom, and happiness.

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ABOUT OUR GUEST

Jeffrey R. Newman (a.k.a. NuISMS) is an East Coast-born self-educated visual artist, painter, writer, actor, producer - creator; currently working with acrylic on canvas, in a wide range of sizes, in tandem exploring NFT Art while rehearsing and producing a one-person show/art show he recently completed. He draws his inspiration from his limited exposure to visual art and broad interest in music and popular culture growing up in the ’70s & ’80s. Being drawn to the works of Jackson Pollack as a youth, Jeffrey throw/splattered paint on his white or black Converse sneakers. He found relief from teen angst in drawing, sketching and writing but that seemed to fade as he pursued other artistic outlets. In early 2000 Jeffrey began finding his way back to the tactical nature through stitching and designing art on and reworking clothing. This was the beginning of NuISMS. Influenced by the consciousness/spirituality movement and unity ideas he felt there was a calling for something different or something unique but everything ‘we’ as a society, culture, and/or the world knows is reflected and transposed through our collective and individual ‘histories.’ An ‘ism’ is a practice, a system, a philosophy or ideology and Jeffrey believes we have an opportunity to redefine everything we know and have known hence ‘NuISMS.’ It was through much fear and vulnerability that in 2012 Jeffrey committed to work on canvas. Greatly moved by the work of Gerhard Richter, Jeffrey began to play with movement and texture of the mediums he was engaging with. At times Jeffrey will begin with an idea but more often then not he works organically and spontaneously just starting by throwing paint onto the canvas and within that process each piece, each image takes a unique direction in which Jeffrey pursues; ultimately landing on a completed piece of art but the road to the finish is fraught with many beautiful disasters, some misgivings but to keep going, stay in action and staying out of the results he persists giving way to some of those ‘disasters’ become exactly what was meant to be the finished piece.

www.NuISMS.com | IMDb Jeffrey R. Newman | Instagram

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PODCAST SHOUT-OUT

For the Knockin' Doorz Down podcast available wherever you get podcasts https://linktr.ee/knockindoorzdown

______

Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
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Spread the word via social media
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

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Jen Levin: The Horrors of Online Dating Pt. 2—Unavailable Men Need Not Apply

Mon, 14 Feb 2022 13:00:00 +0000

HEY SINGLE MEN - If you live near West LA and you're between 33 and 45 and you don't smoke and you don't have a cat and you're actually single and you're not going to send me a D*** pic and you're vaccinated... FIND ME! — Jen Levin

Jen is back for a follow-up episode (Ep #83 The Horrors of Online Dating—D*ck Pics, Married Men & Ghosting) with even more outrageous dating stories and a beautiful vulnerability to share her truth.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

TOPICS IN THIS EPISODE INCLUDE online dating, dating, Valentine's Day, ghosting, married men, lying, cheating, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, behaviors, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness.

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Guest: Jen Levin

Jen Levin is an actress/blogger with Southern charm and Jersey moxie living in LA.

Blog: http://findingmyinnerbombshell.com

Twitter: https://twitter.com/thejenlevin/

IG: https://www.instagram.com/thejenlevin/

_____

Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

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Vicki Reece: I Let People Who've Wronged Me Live in My Head Rent-Free

Mon, 07 Feb 2022 13:00:00 +0000

We all do it, don't we? Someone does something terrible to us, and we spend hours, days, months, sometimes even a lifetime thinking about this person; what they did, how they wronged us, what we would do when we see them again and let it taint our perception of our life.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

TOPICS IN THIS EPISODE INCLUDE worry, fear, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, behaviors, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness.

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Vicki Reece has been passionately connecting with women and moms globally around all that matters most to them. It began back when her children were young – when violent toys were all the rage. And irresponsible messages were marketed to children. Not one to sit on the sidelines, Vicki created positive entertainment for kids. The kind moms wanted and children needed. That inspired and encouraged self-esteem, acceptance, and empathy – rather than tearing them down. With virtually zero resources, experience or know-how, Vicki created best-selling children’s products through pure grit and grass-roots.

Moms wanted more and Vicki listened and took action every step of the way. 10 years in the making.

At Joy of Mom, we come together – we mobilize – for the greater good.

Platform: https://members.joyofmom.com/signup

IG: https://www.instagram.com/joyofmom/

FB: https://www.facebook.com/joyofmom

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Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Will Marshall: I Was a Compulsive Man Whore

Mon, 31 Jan 2022 13:00:00 +0000

Trigger Warning: This episode contains discussions of graphic sex, molestation, and sexual assault. Listener discretion is advised.

Over-sexualized at a young age, Will was exposed to sexual content from his sister and had a grandmother that was sexually inappropriate with him in kindergarten. All of this, combined with parents and a community rooted in Christian beliefs and a solid church-going community, Will spiraled deeper and deeper into the depths of guilt and shame.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

TOPICS IN THIS EPISODE INCLUDE alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, behaviors, self-care, self-love, courage, freedom, and happiness.

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Will Marshall is host of the “Countdown to Relapse” podcast. You can reach him at countdowntorelapse@gmail.com | Instagram

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Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
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Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

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Rivkah Reyes: I’m a Recovering Pathological Liar

Mon, 24 Jan 2022 13:00:00 +0000

Regardless of the situation, Rivkah's compulsive urge to lie about matters big and small started as early as first grade, from lying about a birthday to starring in the touring company of Les Misérables, and even sexual orientation.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

TOPICS IN THIS EPISODE INCLUDE lying, stealing, cheating, recovery, sex & love addiction, alcoholism, lesbian, bisexual, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, behaviors, self-care, self-love, courage, freedom, and happiness.

The document discussed in the episode: AM I LESBIAN GOOGLE DOC

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Rivkah Reyes, is an LA-based actor, writer, comedian, musician, and host of the podcast “Where Are We Now?”

In addition to their work on screen, stage, and page, Rivkah is a practitioner of the psychic arts, offering Akashic Records readings for mystics, misfits, skeptics, and everyone in between.

Twitter & Instagram: @rivkah.reyes

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Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
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Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Betrayed—I Was Molested & Threatened by My Best Friend & His Brother

Mon, 17 Jan 2022 13:00:00 +0000

Trigger Warning: This episode touches on the subjects of molestation, sexual assault, and trauma.

Rick was 8 or 9 when he was betrayed by his best friend. He didn't feel he could tell his parents, and the friend he did share it with threatened to tell everyone. How much of that affected his relationships moving forward?

Did you know one in six males are sexually assaulted before their 18th birthday? Unfortunately, many victims are reluctant to come forward due to cultural conditioning.

Rick is a repeat customer - Check out his incredibly powerful story in #EP 12 - Ricky B: F*ck Cancer—Breakdown to Breakthrough

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

TOPICS IN THIS EPISODE INCLUDE molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, behaviors, self-care, self-love, courage, freedom, and happiness.

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MENTAL ILLNESS HAPPY HOUR PODCAST

Thank you to our friend Paul Gilmartin and his amazing podcast Mental Illness Happy Hour. Please check it out wherever you podcast.

Apple | Google | Amazon | Instagram

And check out his helpful list of Male Sex Abuse Survivor Websites:

https://mentalpod.com/archives/4329

______

Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
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Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Jen Levin: The Horrors of Online Dating—D*ck Pics, Married Men & Ghosting

Mon, 10 Jan 2022 13:00:00 +0000

In this episode, our past guest Jen Levin (Ep #27 Living With Binge Eating Disorder), pulls back the curtain on the nine online dating apps she frequents. Hint... Bumble is her favorite. You're in for a treat; these stories are almost unbelievable!

If you've used a dating app, you know the odds of having an ideal date are pretty slim. In fact, there's a pretty good chance that you're bound to have a few bad experiences. In 2020, data shows that over 270 million people were on dating apps, with $3.08 Billion in revenue. With so many users, there's bound to be some nightmare stories.

TOPICS INCLUDE dating, ghosting married men, relationships, motherhood, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, behaviors, gratitude, attitude, self-care, self-love, courage, freedom, and happiness.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

_____

Guest: Jen Levin

Jen Levin is an actress/blogger with Southern charm and Jersey moxie living in LA.

Blog: http://findingmyinnerbombshell.com

Twitter: https://twitter.com/thejenlevin/

IG: https://www.instagram.com/thejenlevin/

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To find out more information about Brianne's book Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, check out Secret Life Novel or Amazon

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Date in a Blink - VOICE-ONLY SPEED DATES PODCAST

Have you ever been on a blind, audio-only date? What about a virtual date? Or a speed date? Date in a Blink combines all three in a mission to help people find real connections. Join us for our inaugural season as we meet some hopeful daters looking to find love. Will they match, or be left wanting more? Tune in to find out.

https://www.theblinkdate.com

LISTEN NOW: Apple Podcasts | Spotify

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
Follow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | Pandora
Spread the word via social media
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#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

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Katie: Not Skinny Enough

Mon, 03 Jan 2022 13:00:00 +0000

Studies have shown that the majority of New Year's resolutions focus on weight loss and getting into shape, which can be triggering for those individuals who are struggling with an eating disorder or who are at risk of developing an eating disorder.

Brianne and Katie look at social media's power on women, their bodies, and the drive to be sexually desirable. Katie shares how her eating disorder started when she was a college athlete and how she's changed her relationship with food.

If you or anyone you know struggles with an eating disorder, there is help available:

NEDA
Center For Discovery
Secret Life Podcast Website: You can also check our site for other addictions and support:

______

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

______

To find out more information about Brianne's book Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, check out Secret Life Novel or Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Subscribe, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts Spotify
Follow & Listen Spotify | Stitcher | Google Podcasts
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

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Justin Purser: The Fear of Running Out of Time

Mon, 27 Dec 2021 13:00:00 +0000

It's that time again, where we look at the past year and make New Year's Resolutions for the year ahead. Many of which we often can't or don't keep.

Something that surfaced as a result of Covid-19 was the opportunity to take stock of our lives, our habits and make some changes if possible and desirable. Some people have changed their lives dramatically, sought help with addictions, dove into therapy, dropped old friends, and focussed more on being present.

Justin shares his fears of not accomplishing his goals, always looking for the next thing and the changes he's been making to remedy that.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

______

To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

______

Justin Purser is a Director of films, music videos, & branded content and a Creative Director for Brands, Ad Agencies, and Artists.

Justinpurser.tv

Twitter | Instagram | Facebook

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To find out more information about Brianne's book Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, check out the website: https://secretlifenovel.com or at Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Subscribe, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts Spotify
Follow & Listen Spotify | Stitcher | Google Podcasts
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

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Lindsay Pt. 2: An Emotional Affair Three Weeks After The Debt Was Discovered

Mon, 20 Dec 2021 13:00:00 +0000

Follow Up to Episode #77 - [Trigger Warning: This episode touches on the subjects of sexual assault and trauma.] Suppose you’re a long-time listener of the show. In that case, you know that often the initial secret the guest shares is just the tip of the iceberg. Many times, as Brianne asks the next question, more secrets (some buried for decades or thought would never be shared) are revealed. Lindsay was one of those guests. However, the disclosure came after the first episode was released. Lindsay courageously shares a repressed sexual assault memory and a recent emotional affair that almost crushed her marriage.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

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To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

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To find out more information about Brianne's book Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, check out the website: https://secretlifenovel.com or at Amazon

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Anna David: I Was A Sex & Dating Expert Who Had Awful Dates & Little Sex

Mon, 13 Dec 2021 13:00:00 +0000

Famed actor/director Stanislavski's "Magic If" describes an ability to imagine oneself in a set of fictional circumstances and to envision the consequences of finding oneself facing that situation in terms of action. In a way, that's what Anna David did when she wrote an article for Playboy magazine about sex and dating—because she didn't have much advice to give. Anna bravely shares how just "assuming the position" led to more articles, books, and a Playboy photoshoot.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

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To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

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Anna David is the New York Times bestselling author of two novels and six non-fiction books. She’s been published in the New York Times, Time, LA Times, Vanity Fair, Playboy, Vice, Cosmo, The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed and Salon, among many others, written about in Forbes, Martha Stewart Living, Entrepreneur, Allure and Women’s Health and has appeared repeatedly on Today, The Talk, Good Morning America and numerous other programs. She’s been a featured speaker at three different TedX events and her company, Legacy Launch Pad, writes and publishes books for thought leaders. Legacy Launch Pad recently re-launched David’s first book, Party Girl, which is being developed into a movie by an Oscar winning producing team.

Social Media: @annabdavid

Website: https://annadavid.com

To find out more information about Brianne's book Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, check out the website: https://secretlifenovel.com or At Amazon

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Jason LaChance: The Secrets & Lies We Tell Ourselves

Mon, 06 Dec 2021 13:00:00 +0000

How willing are we to change? And even when we become willing, is it possible to uncover those deep wounds that we've suppressed for sometimes an entire lifetime? Jason bravely shares some of the discoveries he's had regarding his first drink, sex and love addiction, and the challenges of becoming your authentic self.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

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To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

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To find out more information about Brianne's book Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, check out the website: https://secretlifenovel.com or At Amazon

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Jason LaChance:

"With a family history of addiction, the patterns were set early that I too would fall prey to addiction. I have a 20-year background in radio broadcasting, which was an amazing passion allowing me to speak with an audience based on a common bond in loving music. But there was something missing, after going through a divorce, and becoming a single father I started my journey of confronting that I was an alcoholic. As I began to embrace my addiction and speak with others openly about it, I realized I needed a change to have a more purposeful life helping others.

The purposeful challenge and opportunity that I was looking for came when I bumped into Carlos Vieira in the grocery store. Along with the release of his autobiography 'Knockin' Doorz Down' he presented me with the opportunity to speak with others that are not only afflicted by addiction but other areas of great adversity and how they overcome their situation to live a more purposeful life.

It is an honor to speak with people in a vulnerable and loving environment with the goal of helping others on the Knockin' Doorz Down podcast knowing that they're not alone in whatever they're going through and have been through. I take great pride in being a part of affirming that anyone can keep growing daily, make positive changes and keep Knockin' Doorz Down."

https://www.kddmediacompany.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/knockindoorzdown/

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Lindsay Pt. 1: Cyber Monday — I’m a Compulsive Shopper & Spender

Mon, 29 Nov 2021 13:00:00 +0000

It started with a credit card from Victoria's Secret, and before she knew it, Lindsay found herself with several credit cards, thousands of dollars in debt, and desperate to hide it all from her husband. The purchases weren’t extravagant or luxurious, just a coffee here, a lunch out here, a couple of tops at Target, and then, BAMM! Living a life of vagueness and fantasy comes at a price. Lindsay’s been attending Debtors Anonymous for seven months, hasn’t incurred any unsecured debt, paid off her bills, and currently lives in abundance as she tackles compulsive spending.

Debtors Anonymous: https://debtorsanonymous.org

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

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To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

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To find out more information about Brianne's book Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, check out the website: https://secretlifenovel.com or At Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

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You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

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Liz Svatek: I Cut Ties With My Toxic Sister

Mon, 22 Nov 2021 13:00:00 +0000

It’s never easy to cut someone out of your life. And when it comes to family, it’s especially hard to accept that a family member is creating so much stress, anxiety, and pain that you cant continue to have a relationship with them. Liz Svatek has had a toxic relationship with her sister for over 40 years and she finally realized she was hurting herself by not setting boundaries. People can change, but toxic people rarely do. They lack self-awareness and don’t take responsibility for their actions. And since they don’t see how their behavior hurts you, they refuse to change. Instead, they blame you and expect you to cater to their demands.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

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To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com

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Liz Svatek believes women aren’t born warriors, but become them through radical self-acceptance. She inspires women to access their inner warriors through curated masterminds, coaching, speaking engagements and workshops. Liz hosts the top-rated Conversations With Warrior Women Podcast-where she interviews women across the country who have learned to LOVE their fear and leap for greatness personally and professionally.

Website: https://lizsvatek.com

Conversations With Warrior Women Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/conversations-with-warrior-women-podcast/id1506810828

Instagram: @warriorwomenpod

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To find out more information about Brianne's book Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, check out the website: https://secretlifenovel.com or At Amazon

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My G-String Scholarship: Stripping To Pay For School

Mon, 15 Nov 2021 13:00:00 +0000

Sometimes called The G-String Scholarship: College Students Strip to Pay Tuition Costs. College students say they make more than enough money to graduate debt-free. Young women in pursuit of a higher education use their stripper earnings to pay for tuition. Stripping to pay for school may sound like a cliché to some, but it was the fastest and easiest way for Celeste to pay for her teaching credentials.

When Celeste moved to California, several courses didn’t transfer to get her California teaching credentials, and she had a full year of school ahead of her. What started out as a job interview as a cocktail waitress quickly turned into a lucrative way for her to pay for school. But not without its consequences. Decades later, there’s still a part of her that feels shame about it. But why should it be shameful? There are always groups of people and religious groups that will find pretty much anything wrong and sinful, but is it really? We explore the effect over the years and what sharing the secret and releasing the shame has brought about a huge breakthrough in her life.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

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Celeste is in real life is Jennifer Bold.

Jennifer lives in Southern California but is a Michigan girl through and through. She has been accused of being obsessed with her chicken, serial killers, and the Romanovs. She has two strong, smart, funny daughters and a husband that makes planes fly but can’t dance. She likes to grow stuff and eat delicious food.

Check out her fantastic writing on her blog soberisthenewkale.com

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To find out more information about Brianne's book Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, check out the website: https://secretlifenovel.com or At Amazon

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HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

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Greg Safel: My Last Long-Term Relationship Was 24 Years Ago

Mon, 08 Nov 2021 13:00:00 +0000

We all know a friend or family member who is single—but for the life of you, you can't understand why. They say they want to be in a relationship; they're attractive, fun to be around, passionate, loving, giving, and yet you can't figure out why they're still single. Guess what? They might not know either. So is there something deeper going on? What blocks might they have?

You probably know someone who is Love Avoidant — someone who avoids and fears intimacy. Or a person with Sexual Anorexia avoid, fear, or dread sexual intimacy.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with an addiction, depression, trauma, or sexual abuse, we've compiled a list of resources at https://secretlifepodcast.com.

If you'd like to share your secret on the show or want to share your thoughts about an episode, please send an email to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com.

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FOR MORE ABOUT GREG SAFEL

Greg Safel is an accomplished actor and recording artist. He began his career while still in school as a theatre major at the University of Missouri, Kansas City, spending an equal amount of time training at the UMKC Conservatory of Music. Upon graduation, he was hired immediately at Walt Disney World to perform in live shows and in the recording studio. He then moved to New York to continue studying acting and work in musical theatre. He has toured with such legends as Debbie Reynolds and Eddy Arnold. He then turned his focus toward film and television work, moving to Los Angeles and performing in the long-running hit musical Nite Club Confidential with Scott Bakula.

He continued his acting training at the Beverly Hills Playhouse under legendary teacher, Milton Katselas. He has worked steadily ever since in film, television, and theatre as a triple threat (actor/singer/dancer) in a variety of genres. One of his favorite roles was Canta in the film Not Forgotten with Simon Baker. His latest album Visible , in which he sings his own interpretations of Broadway, pop and standard songs, received rave reviews and earned him an opening spot for Donna McKechnie at the Catalina Jazz Club. Between acting projects, Greg sings with the Los Angeles-based rock band Swami Lushbeard, is currently at work on his next album, and writing and starring in an upcoming web-series.

gregsafel.com

singinglessonslosangeles.com

Insta @gregsafel

Facebook Greg Safel

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To find out more information about Brianne's book Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, check out the website: https://secretlifenovel.com or At Amazon

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HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

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You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

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I’ve Burned and Cut Myself Since 1st Grade

Mon, 01 Nov 2021 12:00:00 +0000

Secret Life was born out of the desire to help people realize that you are not alone. Jill dealt with a learning disability from an early age, that combined with the death of her friend’s mother and a teacher who told her she was stupid, she found comfort in cutting and burning herself. Decades later, she still battles the crippling voices and self-harm.

Need help? Looking for some answers?

Self-Harm Resource: Crisis Text: https://www.crisistextline.org/topics/self-harm/#what-is-self-harm-1

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with an addiction, depression, trauma, or sexual abuse, we've compiled a list of resources at https://secretlifepodcast.com.

If you'd like to share your secret on the show or want to share your thoughts about an episode, please send an email to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com.

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HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

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You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

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http://briannedavis.com

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Adam Rose: Secret Fear of Death

Mon, 25 Oct 2021 12:00:00 +0000

You’d never know that actor and TikTok star Adam Rose would be scared of dying. But ever since he can remember, he’s always had a hard time falling asleep at night without thinking of the endless ways he could die. This episode is another can’t-miss episode as Adam share’s some genuinely hilarious stories.

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.
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Find out more about Adam:

TikTok/Instagram: @realadamrose

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/c/AdamRoseOfficial

IMDB: https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0741219

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To find out more information about Brianne's book Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, check out the website: https://secretlifenovel.com or At Amazon

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HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

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Donate
- You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

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Confessions of a Shopaholic: I Wanted to be Pretty Woman

Mon, 18 Oct 2021 12:00:00 +0000

Trigger Warning - This episode briefly touches on sexual abuse. Teresa’s step-dad showered her with gifts from a young age, all of it to keep her quiet about the sexual abuse that went on for years. As she grew up and married, she found herself in a pattern of unhealthy relationships, resentments. Eventually, she would use money to punish the men for their behavior. With the help of Debtors Anonymous, Teresa was able to make amends and change her behavior and patterns.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.
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To find out more information about Brianne's book Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, check out the website: https://secretlifenovel.com or At Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
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I Was a Hollywood Gossip Columnist and Secretly Hated It

Mon, 11 Oct 2021 12:15:00 +0000

Growing up with parents who were household names in celebrity news, Meg followed in their footsteps and worked for some of the biggest celebrity news and gossip outlets in Hollywood for over a decade and secretly hated it.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

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To find out more information about Brianne's book Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, check out the website: https://secretlifenovel.com or At Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
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Donate
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Adam Fout: The Whack-A-Mole Phenomenon—From Alcohol & Drugs to Food & Sex

Mon, 04 Oct 2021 12:00:00 +0000

When you restrict on one type of addiction, you must watch for another addiction to take its place. It's a widespread occurrence that most addicts can identify with. Taking away the drink, drug or relationship isn't the solution; it only stops the destructive behavior. It's what's underneath the addiction and addressing the "why" that we start to heal. Like many people, there were addictions like food and sex that preceded the alcohol and drug addiction that happened later and were first addressed. But the feelings and thoughts were still there. Adam Fout and Brianne discuss the phenomenon of cross addiction and how to find recovery from it.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

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Adam Fout is an addiction / recovery / mental health blogger and a speculative fiction / nonfiction writer in North Texas. He's a graduate of the 2020 Odyssey Writing Workshop and was a finalist in the F(r)iction Spring 2020 Nonfiction Contest. His nonfiction appears in december, Superstition Review, and elsewhere. His speculative fiction appears in Flash Fiction Online. Read his addiction/mental health blog at adamfout.com

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To find out more information about Brianne's book Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, check out the website: https://secretlifenovel.com or At Amazon

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HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

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Amanda Montell - Groomed for Abuse: Love Bombing & Gaslighting

Mon, 27 Sep 2021 12:00:00 +0000

Love bombing is a common abuse tactic used by narcissists and sociopaths to manipulate situations to their advantage. It is the key gaslighting tactic in the Idealization phase of abuse, preceding the far more obvious Devaluation and Discarding stages. Amanda Montell innocently texted her friend’s older brother in Hollywood while she was in high school. What followed was a calculated and abusive relationship.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

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Amanda Montell is a writer, linguist, and author of the critically acclaimed books.

Cultish: The Language of Fanaticism and Wordslut: A Feminist Guide to Taking Back the English Language. Her writing has appeared in publications like Marie Claire, Teen Vogue, Cosmopolitan, and others. She is also the creator and co-host of the podcast Sounds Like A Cult. Find her on Instagram @amanda_montell.
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To find out more and register for SOBER VOICES: https://flow.sobervoices.co [use code SECRETLIFE20 for 20% off]

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To find out more information about Brianne's book Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, check out the website: https://secretlifenovel.com or At Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
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- You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

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Shane Michael Hatton: Secret Fertility Journey

Mon, 20 Sep 2021 12:00:00 +0000

What do we hold to be true for ourselves? How do those beliefs affect how we share, communicate and process situations that happen in our lives? If I believe that I’m supposed to have children, and I don’t, then I’m a failure. If I believe I’m supposed to have a specific career or look a certain way, but I don’t, am I a failure? Brianne and Shane look at our core beliefs and how we will keep secrets from others instead of sharing our journey. The willingness to be seen in grief, to allow others to care for you, is truly a gift.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

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More about Shane Michael Hatton

Shane is a Australian by birth, Melbournian by choice, curious by nature and creative at heart. He has spent the last decade developing remarkable leaders and teams.

He is an expert in leader communication, blending his experience in business & psychology to help leaders communicate, connect and collaborate more effectively in order to bring out the best in those they lead.

As a speaker, coach and trainer, Shane has partnered with some of Australia’s most well known and loved businesses across the NFP, public and private sectors and his work has been featured in a number of Australian and Global publications including Forbes, The Australian, Marketing, HRD, In The Black and more.

His coaching helps individuals and teams better understand what makes them exceptional and how they can leverage that to achieve individual and collective outcomes.

Shane is a Gallup certified strengths coach, member of the Forbes Global Coaches Council, founder of the People Leaders Network and the author of ‘Lead The Room – Communicate a Message That Counts in Moments That Matter’. Shane also serves as director for the Asia Pacific Region Board of the International Association of Business Communicators (IABC).

Website - https://shanemhatton.com/

LinkedIn - https://LinkedIn.com/in/shanemhattom

Instagram - https://Instagram.com/shanemhatton

Podcast (Phone Calls With Clever People) - https://plnk.to/pcwcp

Facebook - https://facebook.com/shanemhatton

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To find out more and register for SOBER VOICES: https://flow.sobervoices.co [use code SECRETLIFE20 for 20% off]

____

To find out more information about Brianne's book Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, check out the website: https://secretlifenovel.com or At Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
- Subscribe, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts
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- You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

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I Was A Paid Escort For Men In Hollywood

Mon, 13 Sep 2021 12:00:00 +0000

“Everybody has sex,” says Rue. “The only difference is that I charged for it.” Rue was a sex worker in her early 20s, working for the madam of Heidi Fleiss. Even though that life is far behind her (she’s married and an educator now), she still firmly believes in the decriminalization of sex workers. It's estimated that there are at least 1 million prostitutes in the United States and 40-42 million worldwide.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

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To find out more and register for SOBER VOICES: https://flow.sobervoices.co [use code SECRETLIFE20 for 20% off]

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To find out more information about Brianne's book Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, check out the website: https://secretlifenovel.com or At Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

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- You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

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David Linaker: A Priest's Affair — Guilt vs. Shame

Mon, 06 Sep 2021 12:15:36 +0000

Alexander Pope wrote, "to err is human, to forgive divine." Sometimes forgiving ourselves can be the hardest thing to do. Guilt is a feeling you get when you did something wrong or perceived you did something wrong. Shame is a feeling that your whole self is wrong. Releasing shame and guilt involves learning to empathize and forgive. When you can forgive and care for others, you'll learn to care for and forgive yourself. David Linaker is a shingling example of that truth. Change and freedom are possible. That's what we believe here at Secret Life.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

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More about David Linaker

After 21 years as a priest in the Church of England, during which time David fed a deep fascination with the human condition and received extensive training in coaching, mentoring, mediation and conflict transformation, David was delighted to be able to find an outlet for this in a coaching practice.

David takes a ‘whole person’ approach to his work, from the standpoint of extensive experience of encountering most of the challenges that are thrown at people during a lifetime. It’s important for clients to feel fully comfortable with both the process and the outcome so that those outcomes are truly authentic and compelling.

David finds a huge reward in seeing real liberation in the lives of his clients. Watching cognitive dissonances vanish and authentic lives emerge.

http://www.davidlinaker.com

http://www.instagram.com/david_linaker_coach

http://www.facebook.com/davidlinakerIC

http://www.linkedin.com/davidlinakercoach

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To find out more and register for SOBER VOICES: https://flow.sobervoices.co [use code SECRETLIFE20 for 20% off]

______

To find out more information about Brianne's book Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, check out the website: https://secretlifenovel.com or At Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
- Subscribe, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts
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Donate
- You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

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Jean McCarthy: The Secret Celebrity

Mon, 30 Aug 2021 12:00:00 +0000

Before her recovery, Jean McCarthy ran a very successful and high profile business in her community. Even though she's helped thousands of people, written and published books, has a successful podcast with millions of downloads, almost nobody in her town has any clue.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

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Jean McCarthy is an award-winning blogger and podcaster who is best-known as a voice of recovery advocacy.

In June 2020, her collection of poetry “The Ember Ever There: Poems on Change, Grief, Growth, Recovery, and Rediscovery“ was released worldwide.

Jean recently released “UnPickled Holiday Survival Guide: Staying Alcohol-Free During the Festive Season,” a resource about sobriety for people in recovery and their families.

To connect, read or listen to more of Jean: https://jeanmccarthy.ca
Instagram: https://instagram.com/jeanmccarthy_writes

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To find out more and register for SOBER VOICES: https://flow.sobervoices.co [use code SECRETLIFE20 for 20% off]

______

To find out more information about Brianne's book Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, check out the website: https://secretlifenovel.com or At Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
- Subscribe, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts
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- Spread the word via social media
  - Instagram
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  - #SecretLifePodcast
Donate
- You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

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Devyn & Jess: Getting Sober & Staying Together

Mon, 23 Aug 2021 12:00:00 +0000

Getting sober and maintaining sobriety while in a relationship can be a challenge. Both people getting sober, maintaining that sobriety, AND staying in the relationship are sadly not very common. Devyn and Jess share how they’ve grown together.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

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For more info on how to support Hope & Rescue and Recovery:

Website:hoperescueandrecovery.org
Instagram: (@hope_rescue_and_recovery)
Facebook we are https://www.facebook.com/hoperescueandrecovery

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To find out more and register for SOBER VOICES: https://flow.sobervoices.co [use code SECRETLIFE20 for 20% off]
_______

To find out more information about Brianne's book Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, check out the website: https://secretlifenovel.com or At Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
- Subscribe, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts
- Follow & Listen Spotify | Stitcher | Google Podcasts
- Spread the word via social media
  - Instagram
  - Twitter
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  - #SecretLifePodcast
Donate
- You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

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Tawny Lara: Extreme Rage

Mon, 16 Aug 2021 12:00:00 +0000

Raised with an emotionally absent mom and a physically absent dad, Tawny Lara found herself self-medicating for years and acting out sexually. Gratefully, she found recovery and was able to look at her rage and confront it head-on.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

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Tawny is an NYC-based millennial who writes about the intersection of sex and sobriety. Her work is featured in Playboy, Men’s Health, Huffington Post, Writer’s Digest, Mic, The Temper, Audiofemme, a sex column for SheSaid, and two essay collections: The Addiction Diaries(LaunchPad 2020) and the forthcoming reimagining of Sex and the Single Girl (Harper Perennial 2022). She is the co-host of Recovery Rocks podcast and the story developer for the Webby-Award-winning podcast, F*cking Sober.

Follow her at @tawnymlara and read her work at tawnylara.com

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To find out more information about Brianne's book Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, check out the website: https://secretlifenovel.com or At Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
- Subscribe, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts
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- Spread the word via social media
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  - #SecretLifePodcast
Donate
- You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Brianne & Mark: Year One Wrap Up

Mon, 09 Aug 2021 07:00:00 +0000

One incredible year and sixty-four episodes later, Brianne Davis and Mark Gantt discuss some of the takeaways they've had—the breakthroughs, the breakdowns, and the gratitude for this incredible journey.
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TOPICS IN THIS EPISODE INCLUDE gratitude, attitude, self-care, body image, podcasts, self-love, addiction, recovery, sex & love addiction, taboo subjects, courage, freedom, and happiness.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

To find out more information about Brianne's book Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, check out the website: https://secretlifenovel.com or At Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
- Subscribe, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts
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Donate
- You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

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Dyxie - I've Slept With My Stalkers

Mon, 02 Aug 2021 07:00:00 +0000

What a perfect way to celebrate our first year of Secret Life and the 64th produced episode!! Dyxie shares some truly unbelievable dating and sex stories in this hilarious episode that will have you on the floor laughing.

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

To find out more information about Brianne's book Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, check out the website: https://secretlifenovel.com or At Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Subscribe, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts
Follow & Listen Spotify | Stitcher | Google Podcasts
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate
You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Kamala Jones: Fibroids—The Secret Women Don't Share

Mon, 26 Jul 2021 07:00:00 +0000

Kamala Jones and Brianne Davis share their stories and struggle with fibroids and major surgery. Something that is very common, but rarely talked about. The National Institutes of Health estimates that 80% of all women will develop uterine fibroids at some point during their lives. Because many women don't experience any symptoms, it's possible the incidence of uterine fibroids is even higher. Fibroids are considered benign or noncancerous but can make life painful.

Kamala Jones is a sitcom actress and acrylic artist living between Scottsdale and Los Angeles.

Connect with Kamala Instagram | Acrylic Artist

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If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.

To find out more information about Brianne's book Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, check out the website: https://secretlifenovel.com or At Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
- Subscribe, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts
- Follow & Listen Spotify | Stitcher | Google Podcasts
- Spread the word via social media
  - Instagram
  - Twitter
  - Facebook
  - #SecretLifePodcast
Donate
- You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

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Jason Wahler: Secret Relapse, Guilt & Shame

Mon, 19 Jul 2021 07:00:00 +0000

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." — Confucius. Recovery from addiction is incredibly challenging. Taking away or stopping the drink, drug, food, person, cigarette, gambling, or sex doesn't make our problems go away. Instead, it shines the light on all those feelings we were trying to disconnect and numb ourselves from. In this episode, Jason Wahler shares his journey, the mishaps, and the miracles.

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f you or anyone you know is struggling with an addiction, depression, trauma, or sexual abuse, we've compiled a list of resources at https://secretlifepodcast.com.

If you'd like to share your secret on the show or want to share your thoughts about an episode, please send an email to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com.

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Jason Wahler is a Host, Actor, TV personality, and philanthropist who appeared on hit shows like MTV’S Laguna Beach, The Hills, and Celebrity Rap Superstar. After years of publicly battling with addiction, he appeared on Dr. Drew’s Celebrity Rehab. Since getting sober, Jason has dedicated his life to raising awareness towards addiction and hopes to one day change the public’s negative perception on this deadly disease.

Through his hard work and dedication, the E! Network produced a “True Hollywood Story” featuring Jason’s remarkable transformation. Moreover, In 2017, he received the esteemed Faces & Voice’s “Voice of Recovery Award” in Washington, D.C. Today Jason’s goal is to be a part of setting a standard in the Treatment Industry. His direct involvement with the recovery community has changed his life and allows him to be a resource for thousands of individuals who need help but don’t know where to turn.

Steadfast, Jason works closely with media outlets, celebrities, young adults, schools, law enforcement, churches and athletes to promote addiction education and prevention through sharing his own experiences and stories of hope. He leverages his personal story along with his seat in the public eye to inspire his fellows struggling with addiction.

Jason’s exposure within the recovery community nationwide has been primed by partnering with key advocates including renowned MD, Dr. Daniel Headrick, a distinguished fellow of the American Society of Addiction Medicine; “Dr. Drew” Pinskey; and, Tim Storey, acclaimed author, speaker and life coach. Jason also serves on the boards of the Los Angeles Mission and the Brent Shapiro Foundation.

Connect with Jason: Youtube | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram

https://www.jasonwahler.com

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To find out more information about Brianne's book Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, check out the website: https://secretlifenovel.com or At Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
Subscribe, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts
Follow & Listen Spotify | Stitcher | Google Podcasts
Spread the word via social media
Instagram
Twitter
Facebook
#SecretLifePodcast
Donate
You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Danielle Harris: I Was Addicted to Bad Relationships

Mon, 12 Jul 2021 07:00:00 +0000

Acting for television and movies since the age of six, Danielle Harris became a parentified child after her father died when she was just seven. With no male role models in her life, Danielle found herself in an uncontrollable and self-destructive pattern of unhealthy relationships.

As she struggled with issues surrounding sex and love addiction, she attended 12-step meetings for a while and ultimately found solace, happiness, and a healthy relationship with the help of her long-time therapist.

Danielle and Brianne break down some of the old behaviors and new ways of taking care of themselves as actresses, directors, wives, and mothers.

Danielle Harris is an American actress and film director. She is known as a "scream queen" for her roles in multiple horror films,[2] including four entries in the Halloween franchise (Halloween 4 and 5; 1988–89) as Jamie Lloyd, and the Halloween remake and its sequel as Annie Brackett (2007–09). Other such roles include Tosh in Urban Legend (1998), Belle in Stake Land (2010), and Marybeth Dunston in the Hatchet series (2010–17). In 2012, she was inducted into the Fangoria Hall of Fame.

Harris began her career as a child actress, with various appearances on television and prominent roles in films such as Marked for Death (1990), Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead (1991), The Last Boy Scout (1991), Free Willy (1993) and Daylight (1996). She is also known for her voice work, which includes playing Debbie Thornberry for the full run of the Nickelodeon series The Wild Thornberrys (1998–2004) and in the related films The Wild Thornberrys Movie (2002) and Rugrats Go Wild (2003).

In 2013, Harris made her feature directorial debut with the horror film Among Friends, after previously directing Madison (a segment in the unfinished anthology filmPrank) in 2008 and a Stake Land companion short film in 2010.

https://danielleharris.com

Instagram | Twitter | Facebook

If you or anyone you know is struggling with an addiction, depression, trauma, or sexual abuse, we've compiled a list of resources at https://secretlifepodcast.com.

If you'd like to share your secret on the show or want to share your thoughts about an episode, please send an email to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com.

_____

To find out more information about Brianne's book Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, check out the website: https://secretlifenovel.com or At Amazon

______

HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?

Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
- Subscribe, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts
- Follow & Listen Spotify | Stitcher | Google Podcasts
- Spread the word via social media
  - Instagram
  - Twitter
  - Facebook
  - #SecretLifePodcast
Donate
- You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.

Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)

Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy